Thursday, October 29, 2015

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: Foreseen Delays

Rookie mistake by Tyler Lockett — completely open on the right side and he cut inside instead of going upfield. Cost him probably 10 more yards. This is the first time Lynch has been at full power for about a month. 4th and inches? Oh, this is perilous. I mean, I thought they got it on second down but whatever. Look, it's not a TOUCHDOWN. I mean, you could try a bootleg. Beast Mode Air! Wait, Lynch is throwing up on the sideline and it's "not uncommon"? The hell?


To Simms's later point, Graham does seem to have found himself these last couple of weeks. Kaepernick's sudden surge seems to have been halted. He can't hit anyone right now. Except, apparently, his own trainer. Meanwhile, Wilson may still not survive this season behind this line. The Seahawks have a Lockett and a Lockette, and a Wilson and a Willson. At some point they're doing this on purpose to piss us all off. Lockett just outjumped that dude. This 49ers offense just isn't doing anything. The 49ers have the safeties that can actually deal with Graham, so that'll be interesting to watch going forward. That looked like a bad decision by Wilson but it's more good play by Brock. Sammy Hagar was the halftime entertainment. OK. I mean, I know why the 49ers can't really run the ball without impunity because they're down 17-0 but they should at least try it. Or maybe not. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL.


Then Wilson comes back and airmails another interception. That throw is not his strong suit. Hey, Kaepernick completed a pass! And look at him throwing blocks for Hyde. I actually don't mind kicking the field goal here because they've only had one good drive all night and it's this one. The Seahawks offensive line cannot afford to lose Okung. He's, like, they're only good player up there. Fortunately this 49ers defense isn't good any more. Well, I shouldn't go that far, maybe. They did hold the Seahawks to three. Earl Thomas sounds like a fan of the New Day in these clips. Nantz: "We asked Kaepernick if there was any bad blood between the 49ers and the Seahawks, and he lied." I mean, why punt there?


I also don't quite understand why the Seahawks are passing at this point. I guess I shouldn't really be surprised that Lynch broke 100 yards. I admit I haven't been paying attention.


The Niners are tanking. Also, stop the presses, the Seahawks didn't blow a fourth-quarter lead. Progress! (Seahawks 20, 49ers 3)

Signal Finder: NYJ @ NE, NO @ IND, TB @ WAS, DAL @ NYG

Ivory loses five yards. Fitzpatrick fumbles.


The Patriots are getting a touchdown off of this, right? No, they won't, actually. This is already quite a bounce back by the Jets.


Fitzpatrick threw that way too early. Good Lord, that should have been intercepted three times. That's a Patriots-level break the Jets just got. It's "Ben-OYST"? I thought it was "Ben-o-eest." The second one sounds better. Ivory's been silenced so far. OUCH. And again Ivory comes up short. He got the first down, though, apparently. The Patriots' corners... struggle in coverage.


Tom Brady running is always hilarious. ALWAYS. That quarterback sneak was perfect. Oh man, a ball spot challenge. Yeah, Decker's short but I'll need to see where they put the ball the first time. Good challenge, Belichick. Take notes, Sean Payton (see below.) Why do people still think Brandon LaFell is good? They're working on Ivory's leg on the Jets' sideline. No Jet can hang with Gronk physically. Buster Skrine to Edelman: "Nah, son." And then Pryor hit LaFell after he caught a great throw from Brady. And now the Jets are gonna challenge THIS spot, and they should, because this one's short. This time the Patriots settle for three. Yeah, Ivory doesn't have it. Edelman just did his LaFell impression in the end zone. I feel like Geno Smith's never getting his job back. Ivory with a receiving touchdown! ANOTHER dropped pass. If the Patriots don't win this game, that's why, right there. Look at the Jets driving. Yeah, Decker may have read that one wrong. And Marshall has a touchdown bounce off his hands. Is it cold up there or something? Gronk just dragged that poor dude about eight yards. Touchdown or not, Brady threaded the proverbial needle on that pass to Amendola. The Jets needed to do something on this drive and they haven't done enough. Now Brady's using Amendola to put some ice on this. HOW DO YOU LEAVE GRONK THAT OPEN? You deserve to lose when you screw up like that. Why bother with a field goal now? THEY RECOVERED THE ONSIDE KICK?!?! It went through Collins' legs. Never mind. (Patriots 30, Jets 23)

I wouldn't challenge this. Not now. It's the first quarter. And Watson put that one on the turf, too. Is Payton challenging THIS one, too? Who does he think he is, Andy Reid? And now he's lost them both. We're halfway through the first quarter. FAKE FIELD GOAL ALERT. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. And the Saints salvage it. A whole lot of bad there — Brees started running, stopped, threw it while moving backwards and it got intercepted, but the Colts got caught holding and the Saints get the ball back. Time out Saints — and now they don't have any more of those, either. Of course, as bad as the Colts look so far, it may not matter. And they just coughed up the kickoff return. They're terribly hung over. And another touchdown. Could the Colts actually not win the AFC South? They look terrible.




What happened there? Miscommunication between Brees and Colston? And that's a heads-up and feet-down play by Davis to stay in the end zone so it's a turnover. How does a former offensive lineman build a team that gets pushed around so easily? The Colts suddenly have a chance to do something. And nope. Luck underthrows one and it gets picked off. Are... are those boos? Keep in mind, this is against a BAD Saints team AT HOME. Mark Ingram just ran over the Colts defense twice. He's got 136 yards on NINE carries! And after all that, the Colts still almost came back. These teams aren't good. (Saints 27, Colts 21)




Oh, we've been switched? Wait, weren't the Bucs up 24-0 at one point? This is actually the most points the Redskins have scored in the third quarter this season by a LOT. Good job stemming the tide with a field goal. I see the Redskins are wearing those non-standard burgundy jerseys. You know who's good is Mike Evans. And Doug Martin just broke off a big run. He wants a new nickname. Let's help him out, friends. That's a BIG stop on 3rd and goal.


Cousins hasn't missed too many passes today and the Bucs seem to be letting him do it for some reason. They've got corners playing 10 yards off the receivers. Don't blitz NOW! Christ. Heck, the Redskins could call a run here. TOUCHDOWN. Absolutely brutal defensive series by the Buccaneers. Why are they throwing to the middle of the field? FUMBLE. What a fitting ending to that horror show. (Redskins 31, Buccaneers 30)

I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Let's Rule Of Three Texans-Dolphins:








Yeah, the Texans have completely lost the plot. (Dolphins 44, Texans 26)

That Giants drive started well but... yeah. It's Matt Cassel time! Witten just bounced off some dude. The Giants can't stop the Cowboys' running game right now. I really feel like the Cowboys should have gotten a touchdown there. Matt Harvey in the house! Buck: "That's the way we used to look." Seriously, Erin's hair hasn't been that long in nine months. Tripping? There's no need for that. Dude's name is "Clutts." Say that out loud, people. Hey, a Terrence Williams sighting. That blitz exposed the middle of the field for Reuben Randle. Orleans Darqua? Who? Did I even spell that right? (I didn't. It's Darkwa.) The Giants have 19 running backs and no linebackers, it seems. Dude is beasting right now. Can't deny how fantasy has taken over the sport. He just scored a touchdown! FOURTH WALL, JOE. (I'm actually surprised Buck's calling this game in the middle of the baseball playoffs. I suspect that if the ALCS had gone to Game 7 last night, he wouldn't be here.) Lot of anger and bitterness right now. And of course Meriwether's involved. Touchdown Cowboys because.



Two straight restarts, two straight disasters. They decided Logano won and these are some half-hearted burnouts.

McClain knows he's the guilty one. OH NO. It went off his foot? Oh, hang on. This may come back, actually. Yep, incomplete. Harris just cut the Cowboys up. That only works once, Beckham. Only. Once. That field goal is good. Cassel just did his best impression of Weeden there. AND AGAIN.




Meriwether will never have an easier interception. Reuben Randle with the one-handed catch! Of Cassel's three interceptions, that one was the least bad, if that's a legal phrase. Some fine footwork by Cowboys receivers on this drive, both Williams and Street on the touchdown catch. This hasn't been a great game but now it's tied. And now it UNtied. Was that Harris again? Oh man, someone was motivated to play against his former team, you think? Oh, what's this? Greg Hardy and Dez Bryant in a sideline argument. Who do you root for in that one?


Dez, apparently. And Beasley muffs the punt! This one's done. And somehow this is the first time this has happened since... 2012?


(Giants 27, Cowboys 20)

Yeah, run that sweep with Sproles, Chip. Make a call already. Stewart just treated the Eagles' defense like it was the Giants'. So Corey Brown used to be Philly Brown. Good decision. Cam and the Newtonians? One Cam Gang? We need a name for these guys. Well, that's no good. Jason Peters seems to be aging rapidly. SPEED? Is he down, though? They ruled it an interception? I'm not sure about this.


So it IS an interception. The Eagles have also had some success throwing to their backs. Heck, Murray caught 77 passes last year in addition to all the carries. Oh no. Oh this is bad. Irony: The Panthers actually helped the Eagles get Peters by giving them an additional first-round pick that the Eagles sent to the Bills the following year. Cam has 1,000 rushing yards on third down alone? Wow. They're saying it's Peters' lower back? That's... strange. You can't let Keuchly come at you unblocked. I don't get calling a Bradford run there on 3rd down. The Panthers may have just bailed the Eagles out here with that time out. They're going for it? The surprise is genuine. Bradford made it! I'm shocked. Charles Tillman's still playing. Good for him. Ryan Mathews is trending up; Jordan Matthews is trending down. This is painful. I didn't expect a lot of scoring, but, you know.



Sturgis from 52? Good! That is not so good. I'm not sure I understand how that ever happens. SPEED! And then they faked the double reverse on the next play. It didn't work. I, like Cris, am also surprised the refs didn't throw a personal foul flag there. Guess they didn't buy Cam's acting job either. The SAME DUDE? That's dangerous, Cam, even though it worked.


I don't know why they're reviewing this one — they got it right the first time. Brown was out of bounds. That explanation made absolutely no sense. Jenkins interception?! Gotta capitalize on this one. Yeah it was uncatchable because you interfered with him. Now Sproles has the drops. That ball was thrown a little too high — Matthews couldn't get completely under it. IS there a Most Improved Player award in the NFL? Because I have to think Josh Norman's got that locked up if there is. Guy's been awesome. Still, the Eagles got much-needed points. Squib kick?
The Panthers picked up that blitz and stuffed it. Remember when they were going to start flagging offensive players who lowered their heads to initiate contact? Yeah, me neither. Tolbert's a big dude but I don't know how that first tackle was missed. That feels like it could be it. Never mind — Mathews just broke one OFF.


We know. Oh, we know. Then Maxwell and Thurmond collide, but Devin Funchess gets rookie butterfingers and Maxwell ends up with it. (He REALLY needed that.) That's a tough throw for Huff to handle, being only 5'9" or whatever he is. Now on this drive, Bradford suddenly looks competent. Except just now when he threw that pass to literally no one. Yeah, we haven't heard Jared Allen's name tonight. What was THAT? And then Sturgis misses from 50.


Not ideal. That's the danger with facing Cam Newton. He can do that whenever he wants to. I don't get giving a cold rookie his first carry on 3rd and 2 but you do you, Panthers.


Wait... if the ball wasn't tipped, that's interference, isn't it? Is this challengeable? I've never heard of this. I mean the ball was NOT tipped, Bradford was hit, which caused it to fall flat. OK. So that call got reversed. Oh, here's Jared Allen now. The Eagles are running out of time. And they just ran out. (Panthers 27, Eagles 16)

A tackle eligible pass play outside of the red zone? The Ravens are desperate. And they apparently didn't even do it right. Wait, what? They DID?


Um, Jon, 30 IS old for a back. And we all thought Chris Johnson was done three years ago. I mean, he clearly isn't, but still.
This Ravens offense, though. That's am AMAZING punt. Really. The Ravens look utterly baffled. Forsett just ran right through the Cardinals defense. The Ravens should probably lean hard on that guy if they want to salvage this season. Did the Ravens just fumble that punt return? Yep, they did. STANDS. Meanwhile, we had an amateur wrestling match in the background. "Hook and turn?" Never heard it called like that. Regardless, it's a typical dumb Ravens mistake and a free first down for the Cardinals. Man, that's a lot of pass interference. I rarely like going five-wide down by the goal line. It worked, though I didn't think Floyd caught it at first. Jesus, Flacco, snap the ball. Wait. Frostee Rucker's been in the league 10 years? Tirico: "No more investigations." AMEN. Hey, Dwight Freeney's back. That spin move still works. Johnson WASN'T DOWN. He didn't stop, either. It's GOOD. And so is the field goal. Forsett gets stonewalled. Remember when the Ravens defense used to make stops like that? I feel like the Cardinals should run more in those red zone situations where they've struggled. Fitzgerald! This is looking like that one Cowboy drive yesterday. There's Floyd and there's John Brown for the touchdown. Man, his teammates call him "Smokey"? That needs to get over. Gotta make those extra points. I'm surprised the Honey Badger is as good as he is. Why are you punting, Ravens? Down 16 halfway through the fourth? Then the Ravens block a punt! That's potentially huge. And the Ravens capitalize immediately. Gotta go for two. Got it eventually. That's a good tight end screen by the Cardinals to get a first down. And a nice swing pass to Ellington (who's barely played tonight) to get another first down. Yeah, this is grounding and not a smart play by Palmer — it stops the clock and costs the Cardinals a down. Don't let this punt get blocked, Cardinals. Flacco almost ran out of bounds. Chris Givens? He SMOKED whoever was supposed to be defending him. That's a great catch by Gilmore, who may have been pushed also. That penalty may have saved the Ravens because Smith was tackled, and they may not have been able to line up in time.


And that one IS intercepted. Look at all those blitzers. (Cardinals 26, Ravens 18)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Green Bay (6-0) — What's up with the running back situation?
2. New England (6-0) — The same old song
3. Cincinnati (6-0) — Now... we wait
4. Carolina (6-0) — Blowing expectations out of the water

BOTTOM 4:
29. Jacksonville (2-5) — Even in a win, success seems distant
30. Houston (2-5) — Everything's gone wrong
31. Tennessee (1-6) — Welcome to the AFC South, the league's worst division
32. Detroit (1-6) — And these guys are worse than all of THOSE teams
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Thursday, October 22, 2015

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 6: One Gate Closes

Nice camera work on the touchdown, CBS. rolls eyes And someone forgot to block on that sack on Ryan on... 4th down? Yeah, not a lot of pass protecting going on tonight. Or punt protection, apparently. So wait. The pregame intro is about Steve Gleason and the Saints block a punt for a touchdown? Now the Falcons have finally found something. Still plenty of time. Hey, a Roddy White sighting. (And how weird does it sound to say that?) A fumble? Other than the touchdown drive and the first half of this one, the Falcons have been super sloppy tonight. And another example — that Freeman run was just wiped out by holding.


Seriously, PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. And now the Saints are... driving? Yeah, I'd say they're driving. Look at Ben Watson at his advanced age. Well, that fizzled out. I don't get that pass with one time out left. Right to the middle of the field? Oh, Colston separated his shoulder. Sounds about right, actually. Interesting that the three new head coaches were defensive guys. So both these teams have a No. 44 at linebacker.
Did the Saints go back in time? Wait, 23 minus 7 is 16. Good God, Simms is the worst. Good call going for it. Ride that emotional wave. Touchdown! The Falcons are moving the ball this time — let's see if they can avoid shooting themselves in the foot. Was Tamme touched? I guess he was. Touchdown Freeman! Why are we showing five replays of Brees getting hit when he's fine? The Falcons keep committing penalties and giving the Saints more chances. You know they were going to cash in eventually. More poor pass protection. There's only three minutes left? The Saints showed up tonight. That may be one of the least-reacted-to touchdowns I've ever seen. Freeman didn't even react to it. (Saints 31, Falcons 21)

Signal Finder: WAS @ NYJ, CIN@ BUF, CHI @ DET (end), DEN @ CLE (end), SD @ GB

McCoy looks fine to me. Oh, that's a catch. That's... still a catch. And Mike Carey's wrong again. Is McCoy about to get touchdown vultured again? Yep. Good for EJ Manuel, though. See, that I'd flag, getting in someone's face like that. But if you're not doing that, let' 'em celebrate, I say. The Bills are gonna penalize their way out of this game, aren't they? Nice pick by Dennard, but a bad throw by Manuel that just hung up there. Rex may think that Dennard was touched when he went down. Spiro just said that as I was thinking about it. That's... probably intentional grounding? Gio Bernard making it look easy. Touchdown Watkins! He said he wanted the ball more. Oh, is he hurt? Bah. Sick dive by Marvin Jones. And another one! Wait, how was that a touchdown? WOW. He did break the plane first before his legs hit. It's funny to watch Andy Dalton and Kirk Cousins at the same time knowing that Jay Gruden was the Bengals' OC before getting the Redskins job and Dalton hasn't regressed at all (and may be slightly better). I mean, the Bills are trying, man. That's a good rub by Manuel. And it ended up setting up a history-making moment: McCoy's first rushing touchdown as a Bill. Pretty good job avoiding that trap, Bengals. (Bengals 34, Bills 21)

This should be some comedy. And we've got a fumble on the Jets' first snap.

No Trent Williams for the Redskins, either? And on the Jets' second play Chris Ivory slips. Fortunately, they recovered. The Jets ran that fake screen like it's their job. Decker was so mad he fell down at the 1 and didn't score. Good effort. Ivory got popped. Touchdown Jets. How has Cousins completed his last seven in a row? I thought this defense was good. Good job by Moose referencing the Eagles' attempts to get their backs involved in the passing game as Cousins airmails a ball meant for Thompson. Apparently so many Redskins are hurt that they activated RGIII to get to the roster limit. That Fitzpatrick run was not planned, I'll guarantee you that. That Ivory run was. And they just mentioned the Redskins' injuries. "Positive frame of mind" equals "I am SO out of here when this season's over." Jets punter did a little acting there. See, more comedy _ Marshall just got stripped of the ball... by the same guy who recovered Decker's fumble.
54 yards? That's impressive. This Breeland dude's the Redskins' best player.

Seriously, Cousins? Seriously, Cousins. That was just a bad idea all around. RYAN FITZPATRICK JUST STUNTED ON THE REDSKINS. He wasn't even touched. That's unforgivable.

And they follow up with a three and out. Marshall with the "Fuck you" stiff-arm to Breeland. A missed tackle later and it's a two-touchdown lead. There's another terrible interception by Cousins to a receiver who was never open.


I'm not entirely sure Ivory stepped out. Touchdown Decker maybe. How does a defensive back line up in the neutral zone? I missed a blocked punt? Aw man. Onside kick! The Redskins HAD that and lost it. Oh, well. (Jets 34, Redskins 20)



So the Lions kicked a field goal DOWN 7 with 3 minutes left.


Lance Moore! I mean, I know the Bears are tanking but this is ridiculous. MEGATRON! And now the Bears hit a big pass play and they can tie this farce. They have to go to the end zone here.

Pass interference? Well, no way Gould misses this. We're going to overtime, because more football between two teams with one win between them is JUST WHAT WE NEED.








This game didn't get the winner it deserved. And I'd have said the same thing if the Bears won. (Lions 37, Bears 34, OT)



Did the Browns really not get any more yards? Wait, they're the Browns, of course they didn't. TOUCHDOWN SANDERS! Wait, what? What's going on? That's a touchdown! Isn't it? This is insanity.

So it's incomplete, which, looking at it more, is the right call. We're in overtime and Thomas just dropped a gift. And the Browns had 12 men on the field because they're the Browns. And Peyton throws an Eli-esque interception. Good play by Mingo but where was that going?


McCown gets sacked at the second-worst possible time. The worst possible time would be on this THIRD down... and he got sacked again. Owen Daniels! Hey, the Broncos are running the ball finally. It's GOOD! What? Timeout Browns? OK. This won't work. You know that, right? And you know HOW I knew that? BECAUSE YOU'RE THE BROWNS. (Broncos 26, Browns 23, OT)

Oh, Packers uniform coordinators. Why you do this?







The Chargers got that fumble back? Lucky. That was a duck by Rivers that wasn't getting caught by anyone. Oh, dude grabbed his leg. James Starks ran 65 yards without accelerating once.Rivers needs a hug. And Cobb just dropped one that was even easier. That was a weird shovel pass. Good to see Gordon back in after getting hurt earlier. I think Clinton-Dix caught him with a Roaring Elbow. I feel like the Chargers are just outmatched here, even without the mistakes they've made. That said, this is a catch by Allen. What the what, Chargers? You had TWO time outs! That's a good catch by Allen but I don't know that he's in. Honestly, they should probably go for it regardless. Good decision, Mike McCoy. Now don't go back on it. Empty backfield? And it still worked! That's a big stop by the Chargers, and I know it seems strange to say that on the first drive of the second half, but it really is. Big pass to Floyd on 3rd and 17. BOOM! And just like that we're... tied, which I wouldn't have called. Somehow Rodgers didn't get sacked on that 3rd down. Rivers is gonna have EIGHT kids? Christ. Is he trying to field his own team so he doesn't have to go to LA next year? And somehow Allen has more catches during this game. Why has Rivers thrown 57 passes?


That's a rookie coming up big with the game on the line. This looks like one of those seasons for the Chargers. (Packers 27, Chargers 20)

Who does more heavy lifting: Cam Newton or Joe Buck during the baseball playoffs? Meanwhile, the Seahawks' defense has completely broken down. That game-winning play by Olson was a joke.



(Panthers 27, Seahawks 23)

Meanwhile, down the coast...




That's pretty much the last thing left to go wrong for the Ravens this year, right? Justin Tucker missing a field goal because the turf gives out on him? We've seen Kaepernick play better these last two weeks... the 49ers could actually be interesting if he keeps trending upwards. (49ers 25, Ravens 20)

This is the rarest of scenarios — both teams are seeking revenge. Dungy and Harrison are always so salty towards each other on Patriots-Colts week. It's fascinating. If there's any hope for the Colts, it's in this: This game is rarely in Indianapolis. I just noticed Clay on a bicycle in the intro. Luck IS playing, in case you actually thought otherwise. GORE! GORE! GORE! The newly returned Ahmad Bradshaw's in the house. That's a long time to go without scoring an opening-drive touchdown. And that won't change. Or will it? The Colts are going for this and I didn't think they woul d but they probably should. That's hanging up there. Touchdown! That's CLOSE. Touchdown!Listen. To. Those. Boos. It's rare you get this much genuine anger out of a crowd these days. But the Patriots just don't care. Look, they're already at the Colts' 15. Edelman got crushed on that touchdown catch. I'm surprised only his finger was bruised. Any and every stop the Colts can make is a big one. I feel like it's easier to just take the sack in those situations. Wait, the ref got hit in the head? I'm surprised things like that don't happen more often.


Pick Six by Mike Adams! And Edelman couldn't bring it in, which led to the interception. Onside kick? Pagano's not screwing around tonight. The referees, however, are — the Colts had that ball and the refs missed it. And of course the Patriots get a touchdown from it because they catch every break possible. Dammit, Al. "You won the over." It's always odd to me when you get running lanes that big while pass-blocking. That's McCourty's first penalty in HOW long? Good job getting those lost yards back.

Where was the line of scrimmage? That electric guitar celebration must be the Colts' receivers' thing. Here come the Patriots. Did they give it to Edelman on 4th and 1? Of course they did. That's a bad penalty. And Amendola bails them out. Now this flag's going against the Colts. How are Gronk and Chandler in the same spot? Oh, that's how. Fun fact: the Patriots have been called for more OPIs (6) than any other team this year. The cheers almost aren't drowning out the boos. I admit, I was one of those who thought it would be 24-0 — or worse — at halftime. The Patriots are using a lot of underneath stuff on this drive. There's Gronk. You knew that wouldn't last.


Yes, YOU, Patrick Chung. I haven't forgotten. That poor center just got run over by a bus. What the hell is this? Seriously? WHAT WAS THAT?









That may have been worse than the Redskins' dual swinging gate attempts a couple years back. And you just KNOW the Patriots are going to turn this into a touchdown because, again, they never miss a trick. TOLD YOU. Brutal. There's 12 minutes left and it feels like the Colts have blown this. Hey, an Andre Johnson sighting. The game just ended with that sack. Luck's legs are the only play the Colts have. He didn't see Fleener at all, and his line couldn't block for The Flash. Feels like the Pats took that delay of game just for the hell of it. Well, this touchdown won't matter. Did they block the extra point? WHAT? Collins came unblocked OVER the line and blocked it clean. That's Kam Chancellor's move. This also will not work. COLTS SPECIAL TEAMS.



FCS SHADE. (Patriots 34, Colts 27)




Well that took approximately no effort. Beckham almost dropped that 3rd down pass. Why is that a rule? Is Brandon Graham lined up over the center? Yeah, Barwin jumped. Ryans with the takeaway! That's uncalled for, Damontre Moore. Like, that's just stupid. Hey, there's Josh Huff again. That's a terrible decision by Bradford and COOPER BAILS HIM OUT.



Seriously, why is Riley Cooper: Deep Threat a thing? Jennings didn't get forward progress? Interesting. This may not work. Correction: This WILL not work. That's a big stop. So while Gruden's going on about how Maxwell hasn't lived up to his contract, Carroll picks off Eli and gives the Eagles the lead.



Wait, what? I'm pretty sure Thornton was being held and never actually hit Eli. Jennings just ran into a wall. FUMBLE. What was that throw, Bradford?



That's a good sack by Curry. He moved, but he wasn't across before the snap. Speaking of snaps, what the hell, Kelce? Did that hit his leg or something? You didn't need to get all of it back there. Did Prince even start tonight? Here's a fun thing to contemplate: Graham almost signed with the Giants this offseason before the Eagles surprised me and brought him back. Who's got the worse offensive line tonight? Who whiffed on that tackle attempt on Beckham? Marshall Newhouse is getting used and abused. The Giants' punter is struggling. Wait, who was that on? Make up your minds, people! Gruden: "Keep an eye on this clock operator this week." Then Tirico points out that the play clock shouldn't have been reset... oy. See, that's how you rough the passer. That's ex-Eagle Cullen Jenkins, also. What a weird last 45 seconds, to say nothing of the 29 minutes and 15 seconds before it. Sturgis seems to have found his footing.



The Star Wars trailer has been the highlight of this game. The worst thing is Bradford's actually had a lot of time to throw tonight. I think teams must just assume that Cooper's slow because he looks like an extra from Half-Baked. Now he's hurt? Jeez, man. God, everything about that was horrible. Converted fullback playing defensive tackle uses spin move; Matthews gets stopped short of the sticks and fumbles. At least the Giants again failed to capitalize. And they make another mistake on this punt by running into the kicker. Christ, I thought Murray fumbled when he got spun around. You won't see Matthews quit on a play. Murray! I... have no idea what happened there.



Sproles's head just bounced off the turf. We're screwing up handoffs now? Well thank God the Giants are screwing up just as much. That play action. Why, Bradford? Ertz was NOT OPEN. That's the kind of thing you'd expect out of Kirk Cousins.






Fletcher Cox is a beast. Dare I say, he's becoming what Vince Wilfork used to be. Wow, Beckham's caught one pass this half. We weren't expecting Jordan Hicks to be the Eagles' best rookie, but they've needed him and he's delivered. Wait, they ruled that a pass? That just seems like a petty penalty; Eli didn't mean to do that.



3-3 with the division lead. The phrase "top of the heap" has never been more appropriate. (Eagles 27, Giants 7)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Green Bay (6-0) — When off days don't matter
2. New England (5-0) — Skill, luck, and strategy always win the day
3. Cincinnati (6-0) — Probably playing the best out of all these teams
4. Carolina (5-0) — That was a historic comeback

BOTTOM 4:
29. Baltimore (1-5) — Everything's gone wrong
30. Kansas City (1-5) — No Charles, no chance
31. Jacksonville (1-5) — This franchise just seems doomed
32. Detroit (1-5) — At least history won't repeat
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Thursday, October 15, 2015

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Zeros and Ones

So Luck's out and Hasselbeck was throwing up after Sunday's game and was just in the hospital last night getting IVs? This'll be an exhibition of precision, I'm sure. This week we're starting with... dueling cellos? OK. Remember when Brian Cushing was the stud on this defense? Seems so long ago. Hey, Mallett's doing things. Oh, Foster's back? That's kind of a big deal. Interception! Hasselbeck didn't have to do much there, thankfully. They picked the flag up? What?

So Mike Carey got it wrong? Not surprising. Andre Johnson's victimizing his old friends. And then he scores a touchdown! "I know these lands well." A rollout on 4th and 1? How did that work?

Wait, Hoyer's in? Already? I mean, they should just run the ball all the time. Did Foster slip? Man, he JUST got back. And yet somehow Hopkins is having a decent season despite this horribleness at quarterback.

O'Brien needs to just pick a guy and suffer with him this year until he can either draft Goff or sign RGIII. That's a catch by Hopkins. Don't bother signaling for the flag, dude; it's inside two minutes and you'd lose the challenge anyway. HALFTIME HAIL MARY. And probably the easiest one ever. The Colts called time out before that, remember. Good job finding Strong's Hail Mary catch to beat USC last year. That's a big hit. Wow, that didn't take long at all. I don't think we're getting a repeat of last year, folks. How are you still not covering Hopkins if you're the Colts? He's the only reason the Texans are still in this game. Someone just got PLAYED. Strong was ridiculously open. Good interception in the end zone. Too bad it won't count because of defensive holding. And that's pass interference. Johnson with a sliding touchdown. Hoyer missed Hopkins deep, and he'd found a gap. Guess they're kicking a field goal here, too. Well, that was stupid. And O'Brien was RIGHT there! Big 3rd and 2 here. And Hoyer is rushed and throws up a punt. Like, that was some Vinny Testaverde shit.




Meanwhile, Hasselbeck hit Holton for a 43-yarder on 3rd and 6. He's better than Sam Bradford. The Colts have got this "winning division games" down, don't they? (Colts 27, Texans 20)

Signal Finder: NO @ PHI, CLE @ BAL (end), SEA @ CIN (OT), NE @ DAL

That injury to Jamaal Charles was... actually really hard to watch. A 66-yard field goal attempt? Really, Andy? You can't trust Alex Smith to get 10 more yards? Jesus. crosses off Chiefs (Bears 18, Chiefs 17)

Going for it on 4th and 7? That's new. Aaaaand that was doomed to failure. Too much Riley Cooper so far for my liking. It feels like the Eagles are spreading it around in the passing game more than they have. Even to the other team. What the hell, Bradford. That was almost as bad as the one against the Cowboys. This isn't a flag, is it? OK, good. The timing on that completion to Brooks was perfect. Brees reacted really quickly when the coverage on Watson disappeared. How are you gonna tackle somebody by their leg? I don't like that sweep for Murray. That's not how he runs. Hmmm. Breaux got Agholor in the back, it looks like. A pick? And then Matthews dropped it anyway. He's had a terrible time catching the ball this year. JESUS CHRIST BRADFORD.


And that's not interference because it was incidental contact. At least the defense is hanging on so far. Hey, a blown coverage! Oh, two Saints ran into each other. That's amusing.
Palestra B-roll? That NEVER happens. If Ertz doesn't catch that it's another interception. Wait, that was 4th and 9? Cooper's hurt. Agholor's limping, too?

See, that's pass interference. Bad no-call. Has there been a flag thrown on every single play on this drive? Fumble? Fumble. Fumble? I can't overturn that. But who knows. Get back on the sideline, coach! Awful tackling on that Matthews catch. What's taking so long? So many drops. "0 LONG." Hey, Sturgis made a kick! The onside kick also doesn't work. Did Colston hurt his hand?

See, Sproles is the perfect guy to run that sweep with. One thing I'm seeing is the Eagles fighting more for yards than I have so far this year. Of course, the Saints can't tackle, either. Do we know why Goose always posts up in the end zone? I mean, I like that he does it because it's different and gets you a different view, but it's just strange. I'm not sure Mathews got in, to be honest. Oh, OK. Fletcher Cox is monstrous. Why are you double-covering Cooper, Saints? That was too easy. Jeez, Sturgis. Colston is hurt. Look at his arm. I'm not sure how he can catch the ball. Wow, that's a bad punt. Look at Celek trying to jump. Hey, he made the field goal. Ryan Mathews is the Eagles' best running back. DeMarco Murray is their second-best pass-catching back. It's nuts how this has played out. Kevin Williams is a Saint now? Whoa high snap on the field goal. Drew Brees may not be great anymore, but he's still very good, as that throw to Snead showed. Another Saints turnover. Wow. I mean, you just shouldn't have to interfere with Riley Cooper.
That one wasn't as blatant but Browner gets no benefit of the doubt. A Marcus Smith sighting? Interception! That'll do it. Murray needed today. crosses off Saints (Saints 39, Eagles 17)



That's ridiculous. At least the Falcons scored anyway. Overtime? Nice job, Cousins. Oh God, if the Falcons had lost after that touchdown was overturned... (Falcons 25, Redskins 19, OT)


Yeah, that Barnidge catch was... crazy. What's happened to this Ravens defense that Josh McCown's lighting them up? Oh, Dumervil's out, too? OH. How'd the Ravens get to the Browns' 10 so quickly? I know there was a penalty, but is this just Full Browns again? And Tucker ties it with a field goal. McCown took too much time on that one — should have just dumped it out of bounds. Now they have to go to the end zone, basically. That's not the end zone. "This is the same coin we used at the beginning of this game." Does the Ravens' D even have a reputation to live off of at this point? When Josh McCown lights you up for 457, it's time to re-evaluate some things. (Browns 33, Ravens 30, OT)

Tyler Eifert just murked Cary Williams? YOU DON'T SAY.

Gio Bernard! Feels like he's been forgotten since Jeremy Hill's breakout. BINK. It's GOOD! That was a "prove it" game for the Bengals (especially after being down 17 late) and they may just have. (Bengals 27, Seahawks 24, OT)

Patriots-Cowboys? Yeah, whatever.



Oh, wait, Greg Hardy's back, too? Get him, Katie.





LeGarrette Blount's back? INTERESTING. The Patriots will give the Cowboys nothing at the line of scrimmage. They'll make Weeden beat them with his arm. Brady fumbles, it bounces forward, and the Patriots recover? Christ, they catch EVERY break. Yeah, the Cowboys' defense is still terrible. They should have had Lewis for a 3-yard loss and he damn near scores. Brady with the sneak. Weeden was lucky Chandler Jones didn't intercept that. Also, Chandler Jones was 15 yards deep in coverage. The Patriots can't handle the Cowboys' pass rush, either. Five sacks already? Of course, the Cowboys' back end can't hold up their end — Edelman escaped and made that play a good one. Gostkowski from 57? Wow. No doubt about that one.

Edelman just worked the entire Cowboys secondary. The. ENTIRE. SECONDARY. God, they're terrible. And McCourty forces the Cowboys into what will probably be the wrong decision. Man, that place is silent. This is not a great Patriots defense and Weeden hasn't been able to do anything. I know he has almost no weapons himself, but still. (Patriots 30, Cowboys 6)

The Lions are not reacting well in Monday night's aftermath. Wait, they're actually benching Stafford? That's... kind of amazing. Jim Caldwell doesn't bluff, folks.

This needs to be said again, also: As problematic as Suh and Fairley had become, this defense has suffered without them. (Cardinals 42, Lions 10)

The 49ers are starting off with screens for a reason. Beason's walking off already? The Giants can't afford to lose anybody else. This feels like a spot to maybe go for it against a defense that just isn't that good any more. The 49ers are taking absolutely no chances, which may be a smart meta move at this point.
Can't have 12 men on the field, Niners. Vereen! On top of everything else about the 49ers' last nine months, I'm still stunned Vic Fangio didn't get this job. (Of course, given what led to all of this upheaval, he may not have wanted it.)



Did Collinsworth just say the officials don't have many jobs in this league? Kaepernick was fortunate to recover that fumble, to say the least. Oh, here's the Giants' fullback who also plays defensive line for some reason. I don't like the running back lined up so deep here. Oh, Eli. You shouldn't have done that. Brock was on Beckham the whole way.



How does a fan even get onto a football field? Kaepernick seems to be getting a little of his mojo back, which was a much of a problem for him as anything else. And now Australian Brad Wing will be punting to Australian Jared Hayne.



Did Beckham just do a bad Victor Cruz salsa celebration impression? And how did he get open in the first place? Landon Collins and Brandon Meriwether in coverage in the middle of the field. I'm amazed anyone survived. And I disagree with Collinsworth — Collins wasn't trying to play the ball there. Garrett Celek! Little brother gets a touchdown too. Now Beckham's on the ground on the sideline surrounded by men in suits.



The Giants aren't missing him on this drive, though. Now they have a dilemma. What say you? Well, the Giants feel differently.



It's like the 49ers just remembered tonight that they signed Torrey Smith. That's four straight big plays by the 49ers. Was Hyde sandbagging? Good job, DRC. Collins may have deflected that one. Touchdown 49ers! Seriously, the idea that Blaine Gabbert is any kind of solution to any problem should make you want to hang on to Kaepernick like grim death.


 



Now Randle's out, too? The Giants are screwed. Eli's RUNNING? Oh God. Wait, why wouldn't Coughlin want a time out there? Oh, an interception? No, I think that hit the turf. This'll be overturned. The 49ers can't let Vereen run free like that. Dude held Beckham once and tried to do it again. WHAT. How did Donnell NOT drop that? God, that's crushing.

(Giants 30, 49ers 27)




Heath Miller just beat the Chargers for 26 yards. OK. Hey, it's Danny Woodhead. That blitz didn't work. That's 100 touchdowns for Gates. The Chargers won't make it easy for Vick tonight, as they shouldn't. Hey, he's still got some speed. Awful lot of holding by Verrett there that didn't get called. That one was clean, though.



Bell making moves. Uh-oh, Steelers field goal time. Brace yourself, kid. It's GOOD! Also of note about that Vick trade (don't know if Tirico mentioned this or not): the Chargers eventually drafted LaDanian Tomlinson at 5, then took Brees at the top of the second round. They're giving Bell the ball a LOT. I'm a bit surprised they're running so much inside 2 minutes. So that... didn't work. I think Allen has to just go down there once he's stopped, to save time. James Harrison was NOT fooled and the Chargers actually lost yards. Now they're screwed. Why do this? Just punt. Now the Steelers have a shot at a Hail Mary. Well that ended predictably.



That's a fumble and it's Steelers ball. This might be the break they needed. Oh, the female official's working the game and made that call. The Steelers won't throw the ball and the Chargers don't have time to. This may be the final score, guys. OR NOT. Gruden, the Steelers' corners are unheralded because they stink. Mike Mitchell has six interceptions already? Rivers is coming out firing again, completely undeterred. We're tied. Wow, 8 passing yards since the first quarter? The Steelers have slowed things down. And it hasn't worked. Good catch by Floyd and a good throw from Rivers. That, however, was a terrible throw. Gates! VICK! That was, what, 50 yards in the air?



I'd normally laugh at Gruden for suggesting that it's gutsy to kick a 54-yard field goal, but with how bad kicking's been this year, I'm not sure he's wrong.



It took the Steelers to turn Darius Heyward-Bey into a ! The Steelers are driving. Miller... did not make it. Flag? That may be more of a late hit but whatever. Now what? BELL! They have to review this. Oh, he JUST made it.



A great ending to a terrible game. (Steelers 24, Chargers 20)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Green Bay (5-0) — When off days don't matter
2. New England (4-0) — Five sacks, though?
3. Cincinnati (5-0) — Surprise!
4. Denver (5-0) — Gutty win over suddenly respectable Raiders

BOTTOM 4:
29. Jacksonville (1-4) — Just isn't clicking
30. Houston (1-4) — Should be ashamed of themselves
31. Miami (1-3) — New coach. New attitude, or same old problems?
32. Detroit (0-5) — I mean, now what?
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Thursday, October 8, 2015

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: Ready For The Call

Forsett just doesn't stop moving. How did Campanaro salvage that? That was impressive. SO was that... by the Steelers' defense. Haley's gotta let Vick open it up. That was a start.
Bell just owned the entire Ravens defense. Man, Forsett just got pinballed. Good throw, Vick. Well don't just stand there, guys. How is it halftime already? Vick's never had this many weapons? Seriously? Is Simms drunk? Well THIS is an interesting one. That looks good to me and should be Steelers ball.





That's the best catch DHB will ever make. It almost slipped out of his hands! Forsett's running loose? I'm surprised he got run down. Good throw by Flacco to put it where only Aiken could catch it. The Ravens needed that.
And that fooled no one. Did that even gain yardage? Can't blame the Ravens for trying something, though. They're toast if they lose. Steve Smith just got smashed. Wow. Are the Ravens trying another field goal here?



Smith's still feeling that. I still think the Steelers need to keep opening things up. I know Haley won't do that, but still. Forsett's broken a few of those tonight. Gotta be a Flacco sneak, right? That... may not have worked. And I don't think it did. He didn't get that contract for his legs. Now the Steelers need to run this clock down. Man, the Steelers just shouldn't kick field goals. Can't get sacked, Flacco. Again, why is James Harrison contributing in 2015? Wait, that was a fumble, too? Oh, it was 4th down. Never mind. Well, he did have someone open on the far side of the field, but who knows what would have happened while the ball was in the air. Man, If I'm the Steelers, I start going for these. Seriously.



That's three big throws from Flacco. Why'd they run it? Did they think Forsett would score? Well, they did have a time out. I can't see Tucker missing this. And he doesn't. Let's do this some more. Can't let Bell get loose. You have to go for this, Steelers. And... that didn't work. Still the right decision, if maybe not the right play call. And why was Bell in the slot? I mean, that play call was so bad even Vick's dumb-ass brother was against it:



Good job to break up that pass. The Ravens got two yards on that drive. Now Simms wants to kick it with a guy who's already missed, what, three tonight? They're going for it. That's TWICE they haven't given Bell the ball in a key short yardage situation. That's another one Forsett's almost broken. So what are they going to do now? 3rd and 1 fails. Here's Tucker. GOOD!



The Steelers gave this one away, guys. (Ravens 23, Steelers 20, OT)

Signal Finder: NYJ VS MIA, PHI @ WSH; CLE @ SD, GB @ SF, MIN @ DEN (end), STL @ AZ (end)

Starting the second half and the Jets are walking down the field. They got a British guy doing the voice overs in the bumpers? Interesting. One of the biggest complaints about the Dolphins this season has been their lethargy and I think we're seeing more of that here. Did the Dolphins just throw a 2-yard hitch on 3rd and 5 down by 20 points? And then they throw to a non-open receiver on 4th down. Whatever.



Wait, how was that NOT pass interference? Refs must still be jet lagged. And then Tannehill gets crushed by Wilkerson, who the Dolphins apparently cowered in fear from. At least Tannehill has a touchdown pass. He won't be getting another one any time soon. Wait, are the Dolphins driving? Hey, a touchdown. There's another good punt return by Landry. If I were the Jets I'd be more worried if I thought the Dolphins would put two straight drives together. But I don't. Shot of Seahawks, Patriots and Eagles jerseys at a Jets-Dolphins game IN LONDON. This is why they're there. 11 penalties? Is Rex still coaching? Just go to Landry every play, Dolphins. This is four-down territory and I might run it here on third. I certainly wouldn't do that. ANOTHER Jets penalty. Touchdown Dolphins! No? Wow. And Fouts called it from the booth. Cameron's out of bounds. An inside screen on 3rd and goal from the 12? Who's calling these plays? Revis! Landry's hot and let's look at this. Oh, he just fell down. Wait, what? Ivory fumbled? This is close. Reversal! Oh, now what? Kicker abuse?



Wait, who got open there? Stills? Get out of bounds, dude. Williams played that perfectly and that interception may finally, mercifully, end this charade. I wonder if Joe Philbin will get Lane Kiffined. (Jets 27, Dolphins 14)

Line up wrong on the first play of the game? Good job, Redskins! Clipping. You don't see that any more. Holy crap. The seas parted on that one. 43 yards on 3rd and 19? That'll make you ill. Thompson again? Jordan Hicks saves a touchdown if only for the moment. That's a good stop. That was four straight plays of worthlessness, including the punt return. Cameraman got caught napping there. Cousins led Crowder a little too far. That's Murray's best run since the playoffs last year. How did Bradford get away from Kerrigan? More importantly, how did Kerrigan come in completely free? That's disturbing. Good punt. Eagles are tackling reasonably well. They are not, however, protecting Bradford well after they HAD been in the first three games. I'm surprised more offensive guys are wearing the long dreadlocks knowing that they're fair game for defenders. An actually good play fake by Cousins. Oh, OK. Couldn't see any interference by Rowe the first time. But he was looking back at the ball... I don't know anymore. Cousins fumbles the snap, picks it up, and scores anyway? That's a bad omen. And apparently also Peters has joined Maxwell and Carroll on the sideline. OH MY GOD. Bradford threw a ball beyond 10 yards! And Agholor makes a great one-handed catch to boot! And then he fumbles the reverse toss and the Redskins recover. At least the defense held. Sproles? If the kicker doesn't take Rowe out, he might have made it. Run it, Chip. Good job. Bradford just threw up his hands, so this touchdown's coming back. That's a bad sack. Why are you showing us the prompter, Fox? New kicker misses the field goal. Christ. Nice slide, Bradford. Hey, another passing first down! Wait, what? Is that a passing touchdown? By Riley Cooper, no less? Shameful, Redskins. SHAMEFUL. Sturgis missed the extra point? I hope he's renting.



See, Sam? You CAN throw the ball down the field! That's not a penalty. I actually thought it was two Redskins that banged helmets, and it turns out it was, but after the "offending" hit. Bradford escapes again — Celek! Good job by Celek to find just enough space. Unbelievably, we're tied. Somebody screwed up that coverage. Geez, Garcon, at least try to hide it. That's an excellent catch by Crowder. Bradford limping? Wait, what? Fumble? Graham ripped it out. Was Reed down? Stands. Bradford's back in. That's another bad penalty on 34. Miles Austin lives!



Now Cox is out? I blame this alleged playing surface. That's two drops by Sproles on relatively catchable balls. Cousins isn't getting a lot of help on this series.



That was almost a safety — the Eagles should probably have more sacks than they do. That's two big runs by Morris on this drive. Offsetting holding penalties? Oh. OK.



And the Eagles almost sacked Cousins on that play before he ran away and got the first down. Oh boy. Normally when Cousins throws that pass, it gets intercepted. Garcon bailed him out. Feels like the Eagles' defense just ran out of gas. Don't get sacked. DON'T GET SACKED TWICE IN A ROW. That was brutal.



At least the Phillies didn't lose 100 games. So we've got that going for us. Which is nice. (Redskins 23, Eagles 20)




(Bengals 36, Chiefs 21)

So what the hell's wrong with the Chargers? Is this a fumble? Well 3 out of 5 starting offensive linemen being out may have something to do with it. That was a horrible series. Manti Te'o can't tackle this dude. That's the second time he's missed him today. That's a good catch by Floyd. And a better one by Allen for the touchdown. Hey, a good Melvin Gordon play. They've been waiting for that. Johnson just beat Te'o for a third time. This is madness.



Is McCown actually not sucking today? First down and 30! That's SO BROWNS. The Chargers are now running out of receivers. That was massive. That touchdown catch by Green was pretty great, too. I'd think a former soccer goalie would be more of a punter than place kicker but whatever. He missed! Flag? OFFSIDES CLEVELAND. And the kid makes the retry! That was full Browns. NEVER go full Browns. (Chargers 30, Browns 27)

If nothing else, Kaepernick has singlehandedly wrecked the Packers in the past. Is he watching this, though? Rodgers is a surgeon. Apparently Aikman just invoked Bobby Jones. What was that call?  The 49ers are already panicking.



Someone down on the field's yelling "He's holding again!" And THAT hold will erase that run by Kaepernick. The 49ers are doing the right thing here by leaning on Boldin. Don't get sacked twice in a row. That's where all the 49ers' OL losses hurt. At least they got a field goal. James Jones has been crushing this season. And when we come back from the two minute warning, Mike McCarthy will punt. This is shocking. And it WORKED! Somebody call time out! Oh, good, they're reviewing the spot. Call stands. Now the Niners call time? The Packers make it work again! I'm legitimately surprised this didn't end in a touchdown. They missed the field goal, too? That's a great catch by Jones on the sideline. Did the 49ers just lose Rodgers somehow? Like, they didn't know where he was? That's exactly what happened! All the clutch there. (Packers 17, 49ers 3)

Yep, the Saints' defense is still hot garbage. "Willie Snead" is such a 1970's name for a football player. The Cowboys' defense isn't that much better. Games between these two have tended to be shootouts, too, if mostly one-sided. That's face guarding on Breaux, the CFL guy everyone was after. Whoa! They're gonna have to look at this. That's a touchdown because he's a runner and not catching it in the end zone. Good Lord, Sean Lee's hurt AGAIN? And that's why Brees has lost a step. Oh, holding on the Cowboys. Even so. God, Brandon Carr is worthless.
Why are the Cowboys taking so long here? Locally sourced bumper music, I hope. Well that sure was unproductive. Oh, there's the Lee hit. OUCH. Was that called? That should have been called. Don't know why the Cowboys are running here. That was some craziness and now Dunbar's hurt. The Cowboys are running out of guys.



Good kick and we're tied. Without those five yards the Saints probably don't even try that. I don't know who the Cowboy is that just burned whoever the Saint is. I'm not sure how I feel about the sudden influx of linebackers wearing numbers in the 40s. Wait, this is a fumble? It didn't look like anything even happened. Or it isn't.



Is that the first C.J. Spiller sighting of the year? These defenses are actually getting a lot more stops than I thought they would. That might be the first McFadden sighting tonight, too. The Cowboys lost ANOTHER receiver? The NFC East might be decided by who has the most players left at the end. Hmmm. Yeah, Street is out of bounds. What are they doing? I guess.. were they measuring so they could mark it off from the spot? That was confusing. That's the first good play Morris Claiborne's made in two and a half years. The Saints' punter is ICING HIS LEG? And Claiborne undoes all the good with that face mask. Let's just keep doing that. Oh, that's not a touchdown? OK, that is. Damn it, NFL, lighten up. The Cowboys just don't have anyone left who can DO anything. Why run out of bounds, Ingram? The Cowboys just hit three big plays and they're in the red zone. Remember, kids, there's no D in "Saints." Touchdown Cowboys? Yeah, that catch is clean as a whistle. Why did the Saints call time out? Payton's losing it. They're just stalling now. A run? Really, Saints?



Here come the passes. Oh, God, are the Cowboys going to blow this? Remember, kids: Two. Terrible. Defenses. And then the Cowboys call time out so the Saints have time to get closer. So they'll have a little bit of time left. He MISSED! Off the upright and OUT! Unbelievable. More of this? WELL I GUESS NOT. (Saints 26, Cowboys 20, OT)

Fred Jackson making plays! Russell Wilson's been forced to move backwards a lot this season. Literally nothing happened in the first quarter. Not even a flag! Tirico: "Did you miss seeing Tony Corrente for the first quarter of the game?" Gruden: "No." Jason Jones CANNOT BELIEVE he didn't sack Russ there. And a great job by Wilson to survive and by Kearse to get himself open. Touchdown! That didn't take long. Awkward delivery from Stafford? I'm shocked. Haha Lance Moore was wide open and then rolled for about eight extra yards. Man, Fred Jackson looks rejuvenated. How did the Seahawks lose so many yards?



Good work by Riddick to move the chains.



I feel like Gruden's pronouncing "Cary as "Gary" and it's bothering me more than it should.



The scary thing is I don't know if Cary's actually doing a decent job or if Stafford just doesn't have time to get the ball to Johnson. Muffed! Lions ball! Lockett was a little too ambitious on that one. Gotta learn from that. Can't call anything on that 3rd down pass. Wait, Tom Cable got a pro job after his Raiders debacle? Amazing.



Another Lions punt. The wrong tight ends are catching passes for the Seahawks. Graham looks lost.



PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Welcome back, Kam Chancellor. What is Reiff doing? That's some Jim Schwartz-era BS. AGAIN? This is getting crazy. Nobody on the Seahawks thought to try and pick that up? Really? And the Lions are back in it. Encroachment on the extra point? That's a big stop by the Lions' D. Tirico's right — the Lions never win these games, especially on the road. That's a bullet to... Tim Wright? OK. The Lions are in the red zone. FUMBLE? OH MY GOD THAT'S SO LIONS. That's not even close, either.



Why is Wilson dropping back? WHAT. That's ridiculous. Tirico: "Lions fans have this great tendency to see the bottom quarter of a glass that's empty." DETROIT IS BURNING.



Wait, what? Wright batting the ball out of the end zone should have been a penalty? And they didn't review it?






But punters do that all the time? WHAT? I've never heard of that rule and never heard any instance of it being called. This just made it even MORE Lions. (Seahawks 13, Lions 10)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Green Bay (4-0) — Doing everything right
2. New England (3-0) — Seem to be on a mission
3. Cincinnati (4-0) — Surprise?
4. Denver (4-0) — Defense carrying Peyton right now

BOTTOM 4:
29. Chicago (1-3) — No defense
30. Houston (1-3) — No quarterback
31. Miami (1-3) — No leadership
32. Detroit (0-4) — No luck
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