Thursday, November 27, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 12: Mojo Fallin'

Because some things you just have to see for yourself. Like this: TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS. That may have been the Raiders' best drive in the last three years. That "no Chiefs receivers have a touchdown catch" stat is amazing and unsustainable.


The Chiefs should just stop running that play. It's. Not. Working. LaTavius Murray. OK.


I mean, think about what's happening here. Janikowski is legitimately a top 5 player on this roster. Amazingly, Charles Woodson, even now, is another one. (The others are Carr, Mack and probably James Jones. Or maybe it's Justin Tuck.) Oh, Raiders. A muffed punt. That pass was uncatchable. The Raiders hold! That's not quite a safety, Woodson. I've seen better punts. Is he hurt?


I mean, Carr has nothing around him and he's managed to not be historically bad this season. That was a bit close, Seabass. This Fasano maybe touchdown is close. Bank it.


Yeah, you'd think the Oakland Coliseum would be in worse shape than it actually is. (I mean, it's not GREAT now, but you'd expect spikes in the turf or something.) Charles! And Smith busted out one of those Stafford-angle throws. Like some sidearm shit. Hey, John Madden's here tonight. Almost borderline tackle by the #athleticpunter. That hit the ground. It didn't? Oh, wow, it didn't. My mistake. Horrible bootleg right into Justin Houston. 4th and 1.


Carr sneak and... he made it. The Chiefs are acting like this pass interference is going to be on the Raiders and they're wrong as hell. Another quarterback sneak on 4th down works. TOUCHDOWN. RAIDERS. It's sad that the two most competitive Thursday night games so far have involved the Jets and Raiders. They overturned that catch? Wow. Smith's taken some hits on this series. Three flags on one play? That's Raider football! That's a gigantic sack on third down. Calm down, kids. Good looking out by Tuck to call that time out with two of his guys on the other side of the field. He's still wearing that weird face mask, too.




And that pass... was not even close to anybody. Raiders win! Theeeee... Raiders win!


(Raiders 24, Chiefs 20)

Signal Finder: TEN @ PHI, AZ @ SEA, MIA @ DEN or WSH @ SF

THE JOSH HUFF REDEMPTION TOUR BEGINS.


The bad news is the defense has to go out there. Or maybe not. Mettenberger looked like he was going to get that pass off on 3rd down but Barwin hurdled no one to sack him. Wait, the Eagles are at the Titans' 20 already? I never thought I'd see the day when Darren Sproles became a fantasy football touchdown vulture. Leon Washington spinning like a top. That was probably uncalled pass interference but whatever anymore. McCoy CAUGHT that? How? Oh, that's how. The Titans' offense has gotten nothing done so far. That incompletion was the first Sanchez throw that's looked like it had something on it. Now words are being exchanged. Gumbel: "Easy, fellas, this isn't a NASCAR race." What even happened? Oh, Griffin laid out Brad Smith before he even jumped for the ball. I think they called that penalty on the wrong person. Now the hit on Matthews is how you do that in today's NFL. Why did the Eagles stop running the ball? Again, that throw that was intercepted was just flat. Lot of blame to go around for that one. McCoy gets loose in a secondary for the second time all year.
So what happened there? Then Curry gets flagged for a close face mask to keep the drive alive. And that's a touchdown. This crowd is furious. Hey, Ertz is back. We still don't know why Huff's off kickoff returns, though. Griffin's in some real pain there. Cooper caught that? Did he stay inbounds? Hey, they gave McCoy the ball at the goal line! Imagine that. Whisenhunt is addicted to these big formations. Covering Delanie Walker would be nice. As well as the middle of the field.


This one-minute drill is confusing. They have to review (and overturn) that Maclin catch, right? Oh, this might stand, actually. Parkey missed? Oof, off the upright. This has been an interminable first half. We got a lot of pinballing going on on this one. "The ball was fumbled and recovered by...." Recovered by who? RECOVERED BY WHO? THAT'S THE IMPORTANT PART. Oh, good. OK.


That's the first time Nate Allen has touched a football this year. Good throw by Sanchez on the touchdown (and good recognition of the coverage.) Offsetting penalties? Fine, the Eagles will just sack Mettenberger again. How do they pick that flag up? I have no idea where Sanchez was going with that one. I guess the Titans don't like being competitive. Now it's a flag festival. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. I don't know if that flip to Celek was planned but it sure didn't look like it. What's going on with the snaps? Is Kelce hurt again?


I know they're up 40-17 but enough with the giving up big plays. Oh, Washington pushed off? Why is Whisenhunt mad? This game's never going to end. For our own sanity, Chip, don't challenge this. Why did you challenge this? It's irrelevant. Even though you won. 27:11? "Thank you." We're still here? Why are we still here?(Eagles 43, Titans 24)

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Mike Smith; 2. Jim Caldwell; 3. Brian Hoyer; 4. Matthew Stafford; 5-57. The New York Jets

To elaborate: Mike Smith called that time out with 55 seconds left because "they (the Browns) would have called it if we didn't." Which is EXACTLY THE POINT. You're SUPPOSED to make the other team use its time outs when they don't have the ball. The happiest guy in the Georgia Dome after that farce ended was Hoyer, since now nobody's going to talk about how bad he's been the last two weeks. Still, the Falcons are going to win the NFC South, and Mike Smith will still be fired. (Browns 26, Falcons 24)

The 12th man is angry about that pass interference call but it was probably the right one. That kick is... NO good. These fans are awful ornery for some reason. The Cardinals' pass defense broke down on that long play action pass to Lockette. Then they sack Wilson twice in a row. Two bad throws in a row by Stanton — the first one Ellington made a neat behind-the-back catch on, the other one was intercepted. This is the best the Seahawks' defense has looked all year, and that includes the opener. They just haven't had the same mojo. Who'd they get for an illegal block on the Wilson run? I  missed it. Wilson may not survive behind this offensive line. Campbell has three sacks this quarter. And now the field goal gets blocked?


The Cardinals have five receivers named Brown and one of them just dropped a touchdown pass. Oh, Cardinals. You don't have the quarterback to steal that from the Seahawks' playbook. Blocked punt! And again the Seahawks can't get close to the end zone. Lynch!! How about covering him, Cardinals? Who's THAT dude? OH MY GOD A TOUCHDOWN. That might seal it. WOW! John Brown is SICK. Great stop by the Seahawks defense, which has basically saved their season today. Now Lynch can go to town. Well, sort of. (Seahawks 19, Cardinals 3)

Nantz: "There may be a challenge flag, and whoever sent down that one got some bad information." Confirmed. That makes it even worse. Speaking of mojo, what's up with the Broncos? Tannehill walked into the end zone like it was nothing. Well, they do still seem to make any running back look like a world beater. No Julius Thomas, so his backup scores and it's called back by offensive pass interference on Demaryius. Is that snow? Good coverage but perfect placement by Peyton on the touchdown. The Dolphins can't hold on to the ball. Clean catch in the end zone by Wallace. Quick snap! Peyton caught the Dolphins off guard, then they jumped the route five yards in and got lit up. Touchdown and how does Demaryius get that open? Off the upright? Tannehill got crushed on that sack. That's a fumble on the punt. That John Denney guy's played 155 straight Dolphins games and I have never heard of him before this moment. A tipped ball behind the line of scrimmage gets intercepted and then fumbled. Then a holding call on the Broncos gives the Dolphins a first down and about 15 yards back, because it somehow happened before the interception, which happened immediately. Touchdown and the Dolphins are about a quarter away from getting everybody's attention. Of course, they might want to consider covering Demaryius. I mean, with anyone. This drive is a dissection. There was one incompletion on that drive and there was a defensive penalty on that play. Ward picks Tannehill and and two plays later the Broncos are up 11. We're done here. OR ARE WE? Yeah, actually, we are. (Broncos 39, Dolphins 36)

I still haven't seen that alleged penalty that nullified the Tavon Austin touchdown. That's how bad it was. (Chargers 27, Rams 24)

Does Prime Time Romo show up tonight? This Giants drive is inspired. Nice screen setup. Bad decision, Eli, but you got away with it. Touchdown. The Law and Order theme? OK. Seriously, Beckham? SERIOUSLY?!?! AND his arm got hooked before he got free.




And I wasn't sure he was inbounds at first, and it's like, he had room to SPARE. Dez took a big hit there. Murray disappeared in that pile then came out the same way he went in. That was almost a handoff. Odd call that worked and it's a touchdown for Witten. The Giants in general are inspired.
This... feels like a fumble but I don't know if they can overturn it. Yep, stands. And Williams makes up for it by scoring on the next play. The Giants have absolutely handled this "improved" Cowboys defense tonight. Hey, they got a stop on the next drive. Both Eli and Romo are getting hit. That's... a fumble? That's incomplete. No, that's a fumble. And that's a big penalty against Dallas to give the Giants more yards. So it's intentional grounding.


Coughlin gave up the time out to prevent the half ending, which is interesting. Throw it up! Well that was doomed to failure. NFL Network has been plugging Cowboys-Bears almost as long as NBC was promoting Seahawks-49ers on Thanksgiving. Oh man, Dungy just stealth-trolled Rodney Harrison.
Didn't Fox announce Bruno Mars for the Super Bowl halftime last year in, like, Week 1? Katy Perry. So I guess she settled that deal with the NFL.


That hold by Tyron Smith on JPP was to save Romo. Cole Beasley lives! We haven't seen much of him this year. Al is skeptical of that not being intentional grounding. Just keep running the ball, Giants. That's a late hit. Wait, what? The ref just said Beckham flopped. ALL RIGHT THEN. (Aside: If soccer refs did that more often we'd make some progress.)


Damn you, Giants, I TOLD you to RUN THE BALL. I blame the play calling. That was also a bad throw. Dez is somehow wide open and scores and the Cowboys may have just won this game. Oh wow, Scandrick slipped and Eli had Beckham for a bomb but checked down because he was being rushed. Cris making a good point about the Giants' lack of playmakers with Beckham now hurt.


I'm legitimately tired of these two eternally trying to sell me on the idea that Orlando Scandrick is good. The Giants are moving the ball again. Jennings got free on the screen and dodged two tackles. I think his head got in, but the ball didn't. Touchdown Giants! And they didn't throw any fades! Of course, now they need a stop. And they're not going to get one. My goodness that was inevitable. Romo had a week to throw those last two passes.




So Eli has 61 seconds and three time outs. This 4th down spot will be extremely close. I think he's short, guys. And he didn't make it. Wait, Giants fans were selling their tickets to Cowboys fans? That is the weakest of all sauce. (Cowboys 31, Giants 28)



I mean, maybe that's what it takes. Or maybe just play the Jets every week. Vick got hurt trying ot make a tackle on a bad pass that was intercepted. That sums it up, I'd say. (Bills 38, Jets 3)

Gruden: "Drew Brees off to a very good start." It's the first play of the game, man. So that's probably not a fumble. I assume they're going for it here. I mean the ball's on the 2-yard line and they've lost two straight at home. Ingram got STONEWALLED. Flacco's thrown three passes and they're in the red zone already. The Ravens have to call time out coming off a Saints time out? That's poor. That Steve Smith catch is the opposite of poor. Somehow Jimmy Graham was uncovered. That shouldn't happen ever. Smith just bulldozing people. Uh-oh. This one's interesting. Was he down? If not, who ended up with the ball? The Saints did. So they're at, what, their own 3? Oh, the 1. That's even worse. Oh, never mind. Why is there a guy dressed as Master Chief in the crowd? Another challenge! This one the Ravens may win because I don't think Stills was inbounds. Call stands. OK. Ingram's done nothing tonight. Graham just dropped a touchdown. Will Hill's a Raven? Of COURSE they'd pick up a guy who got dumped for violating the drug policy. Brodrick Bunkley went out with an injury and the Saints can't stop the run anymore. STEVE SMITH FIGHT. Gruden thinks Vaccaro started it. I'd have flagged both guys myself. Not a good throw by Brees. And there's Hill! This Saints offense hasn't been itself, and part of it is that Brees has lost a tick, and a bigger part of it is that Marques Colston, despite his touchdown tonight, has fallen off a freaking cliff. The thing about Justin Forsett's success is that it's a sign of a guy who has talent, but couldn't get an opportunity.


Torrey Smith just embarrassed Patrick Robinson. Or Robinson just embarrassed himself, I'm not sure. Forsett JUST made that. And then he finishes it off.


That's the first jump ball Graham's won tonight. My God, that schedule graphic. Is anybody in this sorry lot winning six games? (Ravens 34, Saints 27)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. New England (9-2) — They just don't look beatable
2. Arizona (9-2) — Could be a critical hiccup
3. Green Bay (8-3) — No one better than Rodgers right now
4. Denver (8-3) — The usual Peyton heroics save the day

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (2-9) — Gave away a game to a less talented Bears team
30. N.Y. Jets (2-9) — Whatever needs to be done, they won't do it right
31. Jacksonville (1-10) — Stay in Blackpool and think about what you've done
32. Oakland (1-10) — I mean, this could happen, guys
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