Saturday, November 8, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: Shift Left

So no one's going to score from the opponent's territory? Got it. Brees just fumbled off his own dude. Then the refs are looking for the ball and the Carolina guy's sitting there holding it up. I feel like Kelvin Benjamin's been a top-3 rookie this season. Maybe it's just because I've seen him so much already.



Feel free to lose the CBS portion of your graphics, NFL Network — that little dance ended last week. Dangerous throw by Newton. Still nothing. That was just a straight run by Newton. Why is that guy out on a pass pattern? It went right off his hands. I guess he's not used to having the ball come straight at him. Ben Watson's still alive? Cam almost threw another pick.




Hey, Jerry Richardson playing footage. Another fumble? Of course, now Cam's got it but they call it Saints ball. Yeah, there it is on the third replay — Curtis Lofton comes in at the very end and grabs it, it looks like. Ingram! Nantz and Simms are spending an awful lot of time on this clock issue that's going to be completely irrelevant. See? Let's look at this. Yeah that's interference. Graham! The Saints are hoping he's back. Cam is painfully inaccurate tonight. For some reason Olsen stopped and didn't put down a block or Cam probably would have scored. So we'll be looking at this, then. Yeah, that'll count. Not this time, Ingram. Or this one, either. Brees got it over. Crowd is MAD. Knee's down. This'll come back. And that ended up being a big reversal.


Graham abused everybody on this drive. I think he's recovered. And Ingram seals it. (Saints 28, Panthers 10)

 Signal Finder: PHI @ HOU, SD @ MIA, NYJ @ KC (end), WSH @ MIN (end), DEN @ NE


Cha-CHING. Wasn't that the same pattern as last week? Sacks on top of sacks. Moose just jinxed Foles. And good job not even trying to tackle him, rest of the offense. The Eagles' offensive line isn't playing great right now. And Foles might be legit hurt — he's going to the locker room. When did Brandon Graham stop sucking again? Jesus, this punt. Lechler may still be the best in that business. It's Sanchize time. NO REST FOR THE WEARY. Wait, what did Maclin even do there? Remember, Sanchez played well in preseason — it's not like he doesn't know the plays. Touchdown to Matthews and that's good placement.







That one was too high. Huff's only like 5-9. Fitzpatrick had tons of time and Foster sold the false route well. I mean the Eagles' offense has moved the ball despite the O-line's struggles. Chip's going for it? Hey, it worked! Jesus, Watt somehow came completely free. That shouldn't happen ever. The second kick was better than the first. Another high snap. And the handoff to McCoy was high, too. Sanchez got lucky on that one. Oh, God, not again. Fletcher completely lost Hopkins. He's running in the other direction.

Field goal is... no good? I think Chip didn't expect the running game to do as well as it has. Hey, a rushing touchdown. Can we get LeSean some of those? Foster is limping and pissed off. Sanchez has no idea what happened.


That's the second time Hopkins has come across the field and no one's covered him. OH COME ON. Ryans intercepts the pass, them fumbles it? There's no way that's a good sign. And now he's hurt. Hopkins and turnovers are the only reason the Texans are still in this game. Sure, run the ball, why not. The Texans can't stop it. Sanchez can't slide, either. Mercilus left with an injury earlier, and a lot of guys have gone off injured in this game. Chip's going for it again, seemingly showing more confidence in his short-yardage game than he has earlier in this season at times. I think Polk got it. BOB is challenging the spot and that's always dicey. Let's not be losing yards here. Maclin? Maclin! I wasn't sure until the replay that it was a clean catch but it was.


And that will seal that deal. Oh, apparently they run Houston. That's worth something, I guess. (Eagles 31, Texans 21)

Good Lord, what is happening in Miami? I mean, Tannehill is carving the Chargers up. This is unbelievable. Now it's 30-0. Not sure why we haven't been switched to Jaguars-Bengals yet. Does it have to get to the fourth quarter first? Oh, never mind. Wait... Jets-Chiefs? (Dolphins 37, Chargers 0)


And we switch just in time to see Vick get hurt and MATT SIMMS start warming up (because Geno hurt his shoulder in addition to being benched.) This is going about as well as you'd expect. Why/How is Vick back in? P.S. The Chiefs have rebounded nicely and are one or two wins away from becoming a factor again. (Chiefs 24, Jets 10)

Watching the CBS crew between games. First of all, why aren't they showing Jags-Bengals? Second, why would anyone think Brandon Weeden would be good today? He hasn't been good since college.

Why didn't Griffin run for it? (Vikings 29, Redskins 26)

"Phil, some final thoughts." "Well, Jim, I just hope my son's chest didn't get caved in on that blitz earlier." That's the story of Brandon LaFell's life, right there.


Yeah, but you're gonna need touchdowns, Phil. That ball hit the ground. That's probably pass interference. I mean, it's close. And why IS the Peyton-Brady game always in Foxboro(ugh)? The only regular season meeting I remember that wasn't here was in Indy the year Brady was hurt. Oh, wait, there was another one. The one where Belichick blew that 4th and 1 play and the Colts won on a last-minute Peyton drive. Simms thinks Ninkovich changed direction on Peyton — something clearly happened because he was the closest guy to that pass. The Broncos aren't even pretending they can stop Gronk. And that was before the holding penalty. HOW did Edelman catch that?
Wow. The Broncos punter drops the snap (and got lucky to even get it off) and Edelman brings it back to the house.


Hey, Sanders is back in the game. "Nobody gets outside to contain Peyton Manning" was a sentence that was just unironically uttered.


That's always a jarring sound when the ball bounces off an upright. They got that back pretty quickly. Good job. Are the Broncos going for it on 4th and 6? Well, he just missed from 41 and I've already said that field goals aren't going to win this game. Well, that was the worst possible outcome.


Now the Patriots are running the two-minute drill to near perfection. Edelman AGAIN. Look, we've all seen the Broncos' offense but this feels like it's over. Oh, hang on a second... that ball hit the ground? It sure did. Let's try again. Doesn't matter. That's a clean pick. Julius! We may have something here. MAY. Belichick somewhat curiously calls a middle screen on 4th and 5 from the Broncos' 37 and Vereen bails him out, if only temporarily. Welker got popped. He used to catch those.




Interdeflection. And the Patriots score IMMEDIATELY. That might be it. The Pats are giving Ronnie Hillman zero respect. He's getting pounded out there. Sometimes legally. Good Lord that Gronk one-handed catch.




I'd say Belichick's getting ornery in his old age but let's be honest with ourselves. Some things never actually change. (Patriots 43, Broncos 21)

 This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Seahawks 30, Raiders 24. The mystique is gone, man. Gone.

I'm ready for someone to die. This Steelers-Ravens on Sunday night montage is fantastic. Lots of punting and disillusionment so far. Jacoby Jones is still not bad at that particular thing.




He sure did. Something tells me Ben won't be throwing for 522 tonight. That screen to Steve Smith was... suboptimal. I mean, Polamalu had him lined up for a beatdown but still. I would not have picked Ben to be the guy with two 500-yard games. I know Aguilera's from Pittsburgh, but "Genie In A Bottle"? Yeesh. Was that three sacks in a row? Good Lord. Someone needs to be cut in-game for that.




That's a fumble. Wait, that happened to Ben before? The EAGLES did it? If it's the game I'm thinking of, that was just a weird game all around. Three flags on one play? All Harbaugh can say is "Wow."




Yeah, call some runs, take a load off. Whoa. Normally you don't see backs make catches like that. Wait. James Harrison just did a thing? In 2014? Is this the first Steelers game Collinsworth has seen this year? They run Archer out of the backfield all the time. And Bryant is SAFE. Collinsworth speaking truth about Steve Smith there. I have no trouble believing he outwrestles Terrell Suggs. None whatsoever. Oh man, Harrison got hurt in that pileup? And now it's 4th and 1. Flacco sneak works! Hey, a "Wind Direction" graphic. Stay innovating, SNF. I mean, Tucker's not missing this. Wheaton just beat that dude like a drum. Bad snap on the extra point... and the holder throws for two!




How is that not good unless he wasn't on the edge? Now it's getting chippy.
What are they looking at here? His knee wasn't down and that's clearly a forward pass.
That's a borderline dirty play by Suggs there on a guy who's been stopped by forward progress. And things are starting to get ugly. Are the refs handing out warnings? Sure seems like it. How did Suggs not get tossed for going over to the Steelers bench? EVERYBODY CALM DOWN.




Ben threw a strike to Brown, who ran across the field for the touchdown and that might do it. OR NOT. Remember when I said earlier that Jones was still kind of good at that? Nice hit by Ben to Bryant. OK. THAT should do it. Look, you can't both have it. Throwing it on 4th and 2 with a 12-point lead and two minutes left? That is some world-class trolling, Steelers. World. Class. (Steelers 43, Ravens 23)

That was a long way to go for no payoff, McConaghey. And how is he a Redskins fan from Texas? How did he stay alive? Chris Botti! An instrumental guy I've heard of! Eli scrambled up in the pocket and threw it to absolutely no one. It's really been a year and a half since the Giants have scored an opening drive touchdown? That seems impossible.




Coughlin was talking today or yesterday about how Luck just doesn't get sacked. Luck did what Eli just isn't capable of. 3rd and 15? Sure, run Peyton Hillis.




The Giants are determined to make life hard for Luck in the pocket. Lot of angry people going after that ball. Whelan ran right into his own man. Also "Griff Whelan" sounds like a lax bro. The Colts beat the replay flag! And nobody was anywhere near Fleener. Hillis? Hillis! And it ends in sadness. The Giants just don't have a good enough roster. Now Prince is out? DRC was already slowed by a bunch of things. Fleener? No. The officials discussed that and got it right that he was out of bounds. Now JPP's walking off? They're gonna have to get Strahan a uniform at this rate. You know who might not be all that good is Julius Randle. He just flat dropped that one.




The Giants haven't been bad defensively. And then... it appears whatever ails the receivers is contagious. I'm sure Steve Weatherford's loose. Holy hell T.Y. Hilton. DRC just got owned. Nice move, rook. Well that changes things. That's not grounding. Reggie Wayne's still got it, somewhat. Was that a fumble? I guess so. The Giants' defense seems to have been worn down... they're not getting enough help from the offense.




NOBODY covered Dwayne Allen. Fantastic play fake. This one seems finished. Ah geez, Richburg. Eli has the best hands on the Giants tonight. And that one didn't even count. (Colts 40, Giants 24)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. Arizona (7-1) — Cardinals rising?
2. New England (7-2) — Holding the fort

3. Denver (6-2) — A predictable hiccup
4. Pittsburgh (6-3) — Late '70's version redux

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (1-7) — Pulling off that last drive was just too much to ask
30. Jacksonville (1-8) — At least Denard Robinson's doing well
31. N.Y. Jets (1-8) — So long, Rex
32. Oakland (0-8) — Put up a fight, at least
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