Thursday, September 30, 2010

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: A Fine Mess

Signal Finder: TEN @ NYG, PHI @ JAX, IND @ DEN

Um, Eli... you're not left-handed. Postgame: "I don't even know what the ball was doing in my left hand, to be honest with you." This is not going well at all and it's kind of amazing the Giants are only down 10-3. Make that tied. Nice run. Wait, what? An illegal chop block in the end zone? That's a safety! And now it's all starting to come apart. Guys picking fights, shoving people around, late hits... I'm surprised Coughlin's head isn't actually on fire on the sideline. Hey, a Shawn Andrews sighting! It's the Chris Johnson diet. And now Antrel Rolle's sitting down too. Dierdorf: "Where are the other nine Giants?" Me: "On the bench." This can't continue. (Titans 29, Giants 10)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Patriots 38, Bills 30

I don't remember where I read it, but last week someone wrote "the NCAA's proximity karma bomb went off inside Reggie Bush's leg." Apparently the shrapnel got caught in Garrett Hartley's - how do you miss from 29 yards? And that badly to boot? Calm down, Falcons. You haven't won anything yet. (Falcons 27, Saints 24, OT)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close II: You let Peyton Hillis go off for 144? Really, Baltimore Ravens? Really? (Ravens 24, Browns 17)

Seriously, this is how Peyton vs. the Broncos always ends. (Colts 27, Broncos 13)

The flip-flop to Vick was so out of character I don't know what's going on anymore. Also, you know your game's bootleg when Ron Pitts and John Lynch are calling it. The Jaguars' pass defense is... lacking. We saw at times last year with Vick that the raw ability and athleticism were still there, and now he's in a stretch where he's putting it all together with some necessary restraint. This Cox kid is getting used and abused. Some pundits thought Jeremy Maclin was going to have a better year than DeSean Jackson and that seems to be happening right now. Man, the Jaguars are just... bad. And it's not even entertainingly bad or historically bad. They're just bad. And that'll be the end of the excitement for this game. That was easy enough, I suppose. (Eagles 28, Jaguars 3)

TANGENTIALLY RELATED: Posit: You're the Jacksonville Jaguars. Except for a surprising run to the AFC championship game in your second year of existence, you've been largely irrelevant in the grand scheme of the National Football League. Recently, you've become more known for the empty seats in your stadium and whether or not you're going to stay in town than just about anything that's happened on the field. Nobody seems to care. So don't you have to try to do something to create some kind of buzz, something to get people interested in your team again, even if it doesn't actually work? Shouldn't you have rolled the dice and at least tried to get Donovan McNabb?

I feel like this is karmic payback for Albert Haynesworth's latest losing battle with intelligence, selflessness and rational thought. Also, this might be the worst group of wide receivers McNabb's ever played with. You know how old Joey Galloway is? He's 206! (Rams 30, Redskins 16)

Seabass strikes again! That's such a Raiders way to lose. (Cardinals 24, Raiders 23)

Butch: "If only Braylon Edwards had managed that straight a line Monday night." The bigger shock there was that he caught the ball in the first place. CONTINUING TREND: This is the third straight game the Jets have allowed a 100-yard receiver. (Jets 31, Dolphins 23)

It seems like it always plays out this way: The hype focuses on the matchup between two - to this point - prolific quarterbacks, and the game turns into a defensive struggle. Don't kick it to Devin Hester. Especially if you're going to kick it that badly. The Packers have got to get a running back - Brandon Jackson's not cutting it. It's kind of unbelievable how many points have been left on the field in this game - the holding penalty that took away the Finley touchdown, followed by the blocked field goal, then the Bears deciding to throw a pass on 4th and goal from the 1 instead of kicking a chip shot to tie the game. Again: DON'T KICK IT TO DEVIN HESTER. That was a reminder in case everyone forgot. Not from me, from him. Let's see how they react. Intercepted. No? Roughing the passer? And two minutes later it's a tie game. FUMBLE. Put that challenge flag away, McCarthy; you've got no shot at this one. That is definitely pass interference and led directly to the interception to boot. Now they've gotta get the ball back. This... is probably not optimal strategy. I feel like NFL teams should hire someone whose sole responsibility is clock management. Whether it's spending the week designing strategies or just being in a booth somewhere making decisions and recommending challenges on the fly. I mean, there are about three head coaches who aren't terrible at it and I don't even know who they are. Why kick it now? You didn't kick it the first time!? The last seven minutes for the Packers were an absolute horror show. The Bears are 3-0? (Bears 20, Packers 17)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL: Whiskey (0-3, L3): This is getting ridiculous. Chad Henne is off the street and in as starting quarterback.

JackSux 7 (1-2, W1): Yay! Had to hold off a late rally from Original Pulp Heroes, but I've finally won a game this year.

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