By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: Home Invaders

Signal Finder: PIT @ BAL, CAR @ NO, DEN @ TEN (end), WSH @ PHI

First the Texans, then the Jaguars? Maybe the Colts aren't immune. (Jaguars 31, Colts 28)

This'll be fun if you're turned on by BLOOD HATRED. "Well before the pass was thrown..." ACTING! Mason got all kinds of crossed up on the Taylor interception. Reed missed again?? If I hadn't just seen Garrett Hartley on the Saints' sideline just now, I'd think the Ravens pulled off a double kidnapping. Fabian Washington bailing out on an interception because Haloti Ngata was barreling toward him was pretty funny. That's the second third down Pittsburgh's converted on this drive. He's getting in. Yep. This is a very important drive for Flacco here. He's really working that left side for some reason, and that reason is that that side's where the completions are. Go for it on fourth down? Sure. Wow, that had zero chance of working. Let's see if the Ravens can get a stop this time. Oh, that's a huge penalty. I stand corrected... this is a very important drive for Flacco here. It's also a fair bit easier than the last one. There's no need to force anything with the short distance they have to go. TOUCHDOWN! I still don't get why they brought T.J. in but they're sure glad they did. Man, that Ray Lewis is everywhere. (Ravens 17, Steelers 14)

PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Division games are always back-and-forth, whether through sludge or jet streams. I can't really tell if the Saints are keeping Carolina in this or if the Panthers are just giving them all they've got, because "all they've got" isn't a whole lot. I mean, their two longest plays have been a big run by Williams and the flip to Stewart. That is a fumble and John Fox is about to lose this challenge. Oh dear. If Steve Smith 1.0 can't come back and the Saints go ahead, this game's over. And the Saints have gone ahead. Yeah, that's about right. (Saints 16, Panthers 14)

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1-5: A Bears offensive lineman; 6. Nate Clements; 7. Jeff Reed

Hey, I like Kyle Orton too, but he does not need to be throwing 50 passes in a game. Did that guy just jump to field a kickoff? That's... sub optimal. (Broncos 26, Titans 20)

Again, the burgundy uniforms just add to the surrealness of all this. What's that? A standing ovation? Good on ya, fellow Philly fans. also stands and claps Can we stop that guy running back the punt, whoever he is? Ryan Torain's one of about 42 running backs Shanahan had in Denver near the end, and the Eagles have never been able to stop Portis. This started badly and hasn't gotten any better — it's like the wrong team has been affected by all the hype. Seriously, my kingdom for someone in an Eagles uniform who can cover a tight end. Some points here would be nice. Ouch! I don't know what gets hurt when you get sandwiched like that but that looks painful. So now we end up with McNabb vs. Kolb after all? Crazy. This review has taken five minutes. This is ridiculous. DELAY OF GAME? Dear Lord. (This actually didn't matter because the Eagles played so badly they wouldn't have gotten the touchdown anyway. Plus, the way Reid addressed it on Monday makes it sound like it wasn't actually his fault.) This game suddenly got ponderous. Have the Eagles been triple-teaming Santana Moss or something? I think he's caught one pass and nobody else on the outside is any kind of threat. Kolb seems to have adopted the Trent Edwards strategy of going through his progressions in reverse — has he tried a pass longer than 10 yards? These stats are truly nutty — McCoy has nine catches; nobody else has three. Nice save by Justice on the fumble. Kolb's stat line's going to be really deceiving given how poorly he's played. I mean, I don't want to write the kid off after five quarters, but those were five really bad quarters. Which could all be forgotten if he pulls this one off— GAHHH! That ball needs to be caught. (Redskins 17, Eagles 12)

Good news, Chargers: September's over. Matt Leinart's watching these highlights thinking to himself, "I could've done THAT." (Chargers 41, Cardinals 10)

CONTUNING TREND: The Bears' offensive line still stinks. Also, we all forgot how good the Giants' defensive line is when everybody's on point. Todd Collins is still alive? And who's this other guy? (Giants 17, Bears 3)

Miami's not been kind to Brady historically. Clearly, special teams was the solution all along. Nothing like a half-opening kickoff return to completely deflate a crowd. Now they're just piling on. Henne's stat line looks good but he's made some bad throws, especially in the second half. You know what we haven't seen at all? The Wildcat. Has Moss really not caught a pass? EVERYBODY PAT CHUNG TONIGHT. I'm sorry. It was unavoidable. (Patriots 41, Dolphins 14)

FANTASY REPORT

aPa Whiskey (1-3, W1): Arian Foster not starting gave me a scare. Then he came back in and everything was all right.

JackSux 7 (1-3, L1): Eh.

And now it's time for...

RANKINGS!

TOP 4:

1. N.Y. Jets (3-1) - Sanchez starting to play to strengths
2. Baltimore (3-1) - Veterans helping prop up Flacco
3. Houston (3-1) - Newfound running game makes them even more dangerous
4. Pittsburgh (3-1) - Running and defense; the formula is back

BOTTOM 4:

29. Carolina (0-4) - Probably should have gone with Clausen from the jump
30. Oakland (1-3) - At least McFadden's having a good year
31. San Francisco (0-4) - A real head-scratcher
32. Buffalo (0-4) - Same old, same old

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Listening to: Lostprophets - We Still Kill The Old Way
via FoxyTunes