Hit the showers, Justin Smith! (The 49ers have about eight guys named Smith. It's nuts.) And the 49ers miss him already — the Chargers are strolling down the field. Think they missed Vincent Jackson all season? The sequence where the field goal came off the board because of a leverage penalty, then Alex Smith's touchdown was overturned by replay, then the 49ers got stuffed on fourth and goal is pretty much their year in three minutes. Vincent Jackson cannot be stopped. There's another one. Then the zip camera randomly slides into the shot. Thanks for that. crosses off... NOBODY. Have you SEEN the 2010 NFC West? It's probably the best chance to save the WAC at this point. (Chargers 34, 49ers 7)
Signal Finder: PHI @ NYG, JAX @ IND, NYJ @ PIT
It's early, but you can see the pattern starting to develop: the Giants are going to run up the middle and throw at Patterson to the exclusion of almost anything else. On the other side, the Eagles can't get anything done — Vick's getting beaten around like in their first meeting and they haven't run effectively enough to keep the Giants' front four honest. I mean, this is just Playcalling 101. Pound the middle, use play action, attack the weak spots on the outside. Basic stuff. Like that with Manningham again. It should be noted that while it doesn't look like it today, the Giants will miss Steve Smith down the stretch, as he had assumed Amani Toomer's old role of being their most reliable receiver. Down two touchdowns and with the ball deep in your own end with under 40 seconds left — I think you just go into halftime and lick your wounds. Oh boy. That's about the last thing the Eagles wanted. Now they've got more wounds to lick. You wonder why they're running the ball trailing by 17 points and it's because it's working and they just need to get something to work offensively to loosen the defense up and get some big plays. Well that's something. A blown coverage, obviously, but the Eagles will take it all day every day at this stage. If they can find points on this drive, we might have something. The ground caused that ball to come out and Jackson was touched. This'll get overturned for sure. Wait, what? Where was the... what?!? Are we really going to spend all week talking about how Andy didn't throw a challenge flag? Even Mike Peireira doesn't get it. Well, game over. At least Vick's figured out that he can run away from the Giants' blitzes. Thanks for letting Celek run free like a wild horse in the meadow and making this somewhat respectable. THAT WAS THE GREATEST ONSIDE KICK OF ALL TIME. It went straight up. Nobody EVER does that! The Giants looked utterly astounded, and how do you not see that coming? Now I'm not sure the Giants have figured out that Vick's figured out that he can run away from their blitzes. Touchdown. It can't happen, can it? I mean, stranger things have, but... I'm surprised to see that the Giants only have 85 rushing yards — it feels like they've been running it down the Eagles' throats all day long, but now the offense can't stay on the field. And Vick gets away again. We're tied! How are we tied?! Maclin did the same thing Manningham did on his second touchdown — used a spin move to freeze the defender and took off. What's going mostly unnoticed is that the Eagles' defense has also tightened up in a big way in the second half. Who called a pass play there? The only good thing about Eli taking a sack is that it doesn't stop the clock. That's not a good snap. That's kind of a crappy kick. Jackson muffs it and then picks it up? I'm not sure how smart that is.
THAT.
DID.
NOT.
JUST.
HAPPEN.
That's Eagles-Giants for you. MIRACLE AT THE MEADOWLANDS 4. The biggest shock for me is that Tom Coughlin wasn't in a straightjacket at the postgame press conference. (Eagles 38, Giants 31)
What I don't understand is why the Redskins didn't just go straight to John Beck — there's six years or so of tape on Rex Grossman. It's not like nobody knows who and what he is. The Redskins' offense is in park, and other than that odd decision to go for it on fourth and goal from the 1, the Cowboys are doing whatever they feel like. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The Redskins' tight end coverage looks like the Eagles'. Oh, right, David Buehler is the Cowboys' kicker. Actual AP Line: "Apparently, (Jerry Jones) forgot how lousy his defense is." And Rex is about to show him. Seriously, this feels like the best game he's ever had. You'd think a defense with as many first-round picks on it as the Cowboys have on theirs would be, y'know, better. And to hit the two-point conversions twice? I feel like I've seen this happen somewhere else. What's sad is that Buehler barely made that. Oh, look, Rex Grossman committed a boneheaded turnover at a crucial moment. That's never happened before. (Cowboys 33, Redskins 30)
Do the Colts have Dominic Rhodes encased in one of those "In Case Of Emergency, Break Glass" cabinets? Is that how that works? Somebody help me out. The upshot here is that the Jaguars can end a lifetime of abject misery in Indianapolis with a win today. Hey, an Austin Collie sighting. Peyton seems to have his mojo back. He looks composed and self-assured. If the Jags are doubling Wayne, they should probably stop because Collie just burned them again. Did that punt return look entirely too easy to anyone else? Wait, what? Oh, the Colts are saying that Thomas signaled for a fair catch. Well let's take a look at this. You know what? His arm's not above his head. It's a bit shady, but it looks legal. Oh, no, not Collie again. The ovation he got after standing up on his own may end up being bigger than the one at the end of the game if the Colts win. First drive of the second half, down four, 4th and 1 from your own 39 and you go for it? When did Bill Belichick get the Jaguars' head coaching job? Donald Brown lives! That might be the Colts' longest run from scrimmage in about two months. You know whose name we haven't heard much today is Maurice Jones-Drew, and that's why the Jaguars are in this predicament. That said, having gotten to see the Jags a few times this year, I think they've finally found some guys at WR who can give them what they haven't had since Jimmy Smith's heyday. And not long after the best onside kick ever comes the worst onside kick ever. The Jaguars and Texans both learned this year that if they ever want AFC South supremacy, beating the Colts once isn't enough. They're going to have to bury them. (Or wait for Peyton Manning to retire.) The Jaguars had their shot and couldn't do it. (Colts 34, Jaguars 24)
Maybe the Dolphins should move to Los Angeles. Or at least threaten to. Good God. (Bills 17, Dolphins 14)
INCLEMENT WEATHER. I guess since the Jets' offense can't score any points, the special teams decided to get something done. Kind of a fitful start on both sides after that. Ah, nothing like a 96-yard drive to work out the kinks. FAKE SPIKE! If that had worked, Jets fans everywhere would have started jumping off rooftops. Tied at the half? That seems right considering what's gone down so far. These first two drives we've had about six different players report as eligible receivers. I seem to be a sucker for a flawlessly executed play-action bootleg — the Lions ran the same play against the Jets and it was pitch-perfect. At some point the Jets are going to throw No. 75 the ball and hijinks will ensue. That safety shouldn't have happened. Rule No. 1 of play calling in your own end zone: Everything goes straight forward. Moore got caught trying to make a move and that's a game-changer. How'd they let Ben break containment so easily? Wow, 29 yards on a third and 24? If the Jets blow this, that could be it for this year. I'm sure ideally, Sanders and Spaeth would not have ended up in the exact same spot, and one of them would have caught the pass. One more shot for the Steelers... and no. Could've used Holmes there. FYI, that was the Jets' first-ever win in Pennsylvania. (Jets 22, Steelers 17)
Tim Tebow might make it. He might not. But it won't be for lack of trying. (Raiders 39, Broncos 23)
I have to think that Matt Flynn will at least be helped by a full week of prep. I would never let the Patriots go on offense first. OH! Never mind then. Of course, this also means nobody else can do that until 2013 at the earliest. Clearly, Flynn was helped by a full week of prep. I really do hate the squib kick. LOOK AT THE BIG MAN RUN! How about the stiff-arm? This was almost the greatest thing in the history of things. Al Michaels: "Hey, Dan! What's your career highlight?" Then at the end of the replay, Brady's running onto the field and he has this look in his eyes like "Did I just SEE that?" You know what this feels like? The Eagles-Patriots Sunday night game in 2007 when A.J. Feeley started for McNabb in Foxborough in a driving snowstorm and almost pulled it out against a Patriots team that was on absolute fire. Except I don't believe the Eagles ever led in that game. That week of prep only helps you so much in a pressure situation like a two-minute drill to pull off a major upset in a game everyone's watching. For years I've advocated having two plays called and ready in spots like this. This is why, right here. Gates: "Not only did Matt Flynn graduate from LSU, but he apparently also graduated from the Les Miles School of Clock Management." (Patriots 31, Packers 27)
HE'S GONNA PLAY! BRETT FAVRE IS GONNA PLAY! Nyssa: "He's, like, a machine." I can only assume they figured the cold would numb any pain he has. No AP? That's an equally stunning development. Ouch. And Favre didn't get up or even move right away. The field is so hard that's gotta be like getting slammed down onto a road. Well, if this is it, at least his last play won't be an interception. So we're gonna see Joe Webb after all. And then we're gonna see Devin Hester do that thing he does. A better kick might have helped. I doubt this is the "train wreck" that Vikings punter Chris Kluwe was predicting. And here's his contribution — the one time he doesn't punt out of bounds, Hester brings it back. And he'd been doing so well. crosses off Brett Favre (Bears 40, Vikings 14)
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. New England (12-2) — I still fear their defense will let them down in a big spot at some point
2. Atlanta (12-2) — Showdown with Saints biggest game ever?
3. Pittsburgh (10-4) — Shake it off
4. Philadelphia (10-4) — It's all gravy until the playoffs now
BOTTOM 4:
29. Cincinnati (3-11) — My advice to Carson would be to not use T.O.'s real estate agent
30. Arizona (4-10) — Might as well have put Red Skelton back there for all the good it did
31. Denver (3-11) — Fortunately, Tebow got out of Oakland alive
32. Carolina (2-12) — Job preservation, Jimmy Clausen style
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 14: Rated NC-17
We were supposed to get Giants-Vikings before the METRODOME BROKE. I'm guessing Bucs-Redskins instead. Wait, this is an indoor stadium...
Signal Finder: GB @ DET, CIN@ PIT, OAK @ JAX (end), ATL @ CAR (end), MIA @ NYJ
There is absolutely nothing I can say about the first half of this game. Nothing. Even the play that Rodgers suffered the concussion on wasn't all that exciting or violent or controversial. If this game ends 3-0 I'm taking hostages. If this game ends 7-3 I may still take hostages. Really, Mike McCarthy? Fourth and 1 with over a minute left and you call an all-or-nothing bomb? All right, no hostage-taking. The life has seeped out of me after sitting through this. Jay: "Good Lord, what a suckfest that was." (Lions 7, Packers 3)
I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out that the Buccaneers themselves lost a game in that exact fashion back in the bad old days. (Buccaneers 17, Redskins 16)
Lede I Probably Couldn't Get Away With: "Over 1,600 flights in and out of Chicago were adversely affected by the weekend's blizzard. Unfortunately for the Bears, Air Brady was not among them." I'm not sure who took a worse beating this weekend: the Bears or Josh Koscheck. (Patriots 36, Bears 7)
I know the weather's not helping matters in the slightest but can I get one decently-played game today? Just one? Wait, did I just see that right? Are you kidding me? Wow. Stay classy, Jets coaching staff. I need to know who this Cameron Wake character is and why it seems he has three sacks in every Dolphins game I've seen this season. Last chance for the Jets and... yeah. Sanchez needs a hug. A look at the box score shows that the Jets had 31 rushes, and yet it seems like their running game has disappeared over the last month. I don't know. (Dolphins 10, Jets 6)
The Giants' plane got stranded in Kansas City. Apparently the Chiefs were also on it. (Chargers 31, Chiefs 0)
This afternoon's games have collectively set the sport back about 20 years. And letting the kicker score the other team's first 22 points — including scoring a touchdown on a fake where nobody laid a hand on him — was the radioactive cherry on top of this landfill of a sundae. (Cardinals 43, Broncos 13)
Let's try to stop the bleeding, gentlemen. That's twice in four weeks. At some point teams are going to have to start saying to themselves, "The first play might be a bomb." That's a good start. You rarely see Reid INSANE WITH ANGER like that but he's wrong here — Vick was still inbounds. Todd Herremans? Todd Herremans! I'm not sure what Vick had in mind when he threw that pass right to Sensabaugh. This is quite a contrast from the last time the Cowboys were on SNF and they just laid down and died. Did Maclin really let that one go right through his hands? That's not good. Somebody got blown up on that screen and the Cowboys are ahead. Then McCoy comes back with a run that about three Cowboys get blown up on. Vick's taking a beating tonight and yet we're tied again. Jackson brought that one all the way across the field without losing any speed. Holy crap! Scandrick almost ran him down. I had no idea he was that fast. He's a terrible cornerback but he almost got him. Oh, DeSean. You're such a jackass sometimes. But I can't completely hate you for this one because it's against the Cowboys and Terence Newman was standing right next to you and didn't do a damn thing. Then the Eagles get it back when Kitna fires off a throw with a man in his face and Roy Williams stumbles. How do you let Jon Kitna run for 10 yards on 4th and 8? How? Jason Witten getting free and scoring a touchdown? That makes sense; that happens all the time. A penalty on a touchback? That's a new one. I don't quite understand throwing a pass there. McCoy is chewing up the Cowboys' run defense at the most opportune time. THAT'S how you run the four-minute drill! Nice work. The Vick-Choice autograph thing was just... strange. (Eagles 30, Cowboys 27)
Clearly, the Giants need a better travel coordinator. Why would you leave three hours early to try to beat a storm that hit the night before? Gates: "Honestly, the only way this Vikings' season is going to get any weirder is if a UFO shows up over the Cities and starts abducting players. But, hey, there are still three weeks after this." And... the streak is over. Sign of the times: it was confirmed on a Tweet from the Vikings' equipment manager. Oh, there's a game. Well, the Giants actually won in Minnesota for once, so that's something, I guess. (Giants 21, Vikings 3)
Memo to the Ravens: Upgrade at cornerback. You can't give up two 95+ yard drives in one game, especially with your defense's reputation. You just can't. I'm pretty sure that two-point conversion pass was intended for Johnson but good on Jones for not dropping it. Oh my God. After all that, Schaub gives it away by throwing a slant to nobody. That may have been the worst pass of the year. The Ravens almost look apologetic. (Ravens 34, Texans 28, OT)
FANTASY REPORT
Jacksux 7 (6-8, L1): Well, no playoffs for us.
RANKINGS
TOP 4
1. New England (11-2) — Neither snow nor cold nor Monsters of Midway...
2. Pittsburgh (10-3) — Just doing business
3. Atlanta (11-2) — See above
4. New Orleans (10-3) — Look who's won six in a row
BOTTOM 4
29. Arizona (4-9) — Even so...
30. Cincinnati (2-11) — Three more weeks, Marvin... three more weeks
31. Denver (3-10) — To be fair, who saw Peyton Hillis blowing up like this?
32. Carolina (1-12) — *taps out*
Signal Finder: GB @ DET, CIN@ PIT, OAK @ JAX (end), ATL @ CAR (end), MIA @ NYJ
There is absolutely nothing I can say about the first half of this game. Nothing. Even the play that Rodgers suffered the concussion on wasn't all that exciting or violent or controversial. If this game ends 3-0 I'm taking hostages. If this game ends 7-3 I may still take hostages. Really, Mike McCarthy? Fourth and 1 with over a minute left and you call an all-or-nothing bomb? All right, no hostage-taking. The life has seeped out of me after sitting through this. Jay: "Good Lord, what a suckfest that was." (Lions 7, Packers 3)
I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out that the Buccaneers themselves lost a game in that exact fashion back in the bad old days. (Buccaneers 17, Redskins 16)
Lede I Probably Couldn't Get Away With: "Over 1,600 flights in and out of Chicago were adversely affected by the weekend's blizzard. Unfortunately for the Bears, Air Brady was not among them." I'm not sure who took a worse beating this weekend: the Bears or Josh Koscheck. (Patriots 36, Bears 7)
I know the weather's not helping matters in the slightest but can I get one decently-played game today? Just one? Wait, did I just see that right? Are you kidding me? Wow. Stay classy, Jets coaching staff. I need to know who this Cameron Wake character is and why it seems he has three sacks in every Dolphins game I've seen this season. Last chance for the Jets and... yeah. Sanchez needs a hug. A look at the box score shows that the Jets had 31 rushes, and yet it seems like their running game has disappeared over the last month. I don't know. (Dolphins 10, Jets 6)
The Giants' plane got stranded in Kansas City. Apparently the Chiefs were also on it. (Chargers 31, Chiefs 0)
This afternoon's games have collectively set the sport back about 20 years. And letting the kicker score the other team's first 22 points — including scoring a touchdown on a fake where nobody laid a hand on him — was the radioactive cherry on top of this landfill of a sundae. (Cardinals 43, Broncos 13)
Let's try to stop the bleeding, gentlemen. That's twice in four weeks. At some point teams are going to have to start saying to themselves, "The first play might be a bomb." That's a good start. You rarely see Reid INSANE WITH ANGER like that but he's wrong here — Vick was still inbounds. Todd Herremans? Todd Herremans! I'm not sure what Vick had in mind when he threw that pass right to Sensabaugh. This is quite a contrast from the last time the Cowboys were on SNF and they just laid down and died. Did Maclin really let that one go right through his hands? That's not good. Somebody got blown up on that screen and the Cowboys are ahead. Then McCoy comes back with a run that about three Cowboys get blown up on. Vick's taking a beating tonight and yet we're tied again. Jackson brought that one all the way across the field without losing any speed. Holy crap! Scandrick almost ran him down. I had no idea he was that fast. He's a terrible cornerback but he almost got him. Oh, DeSean. You're such a jackass sometimes. But I can't completely hate you for this one because it's against the Cowboys and Terence Newman was standing right next to you and didn't do a damn thing. Then the Eagles get it back when Kitna fires off a throw with a man in his face and Roy Williams stumbles. How do you let Jon Kitna run for 10 yards on 4th and 8? How? Jason Witten getting free and scoring a touchdown? That makes sense; that happens all the time. A penalty on a touchback? That's a new one. I don't quite understand throwing a pass there. McCoy is chewing up the Cowboys' run defense at the most opportune time. THAT'S how you run the four-minute drill! Nice work. The Vick-Choice autograph thing was just... strange. (Eagles 30, Cowboys 27)
Clearly, the Giants need a better travel coordinator. Why would you leave three hours early to try to beat a storm that hit the night before? Gates: "Honestly, the only way this Vikings' season is going to get any weirder is if a UFO shows up over the Cities and starts abducting players. But, hey, there are still three weeks after this." And... the streak is over. Sign of the times: it was confirmed on a Tweet from the Vikings' equipment manager. Oh, there's a game. Well, the Giants actually won in Minnesota for once, so that's something, I guess. (Giants 21, Vikings 3)
Memo to the Ravens: Upgrade at cornerback. You can't give up two 95+ yard drives in one game, especially with your defense's reputation. You just can't. I'm pretty sure that two-point conversion pass was intended for Johnson but good on Jones for not dropping it. Oh my God. After all that, Schaub gives it away by throwing a slant to nobody. That may have been the worst pass of the year. The Ravens almost look apologetic. (Ravens 34, Texans 28, OT)
FANTASY REPORT
Jacksux 7 (6-8, L1): Well, no playoffs for us.
RANKINGS
TOP 4
1. New England (11-2) — Neither snow nor cold nor Monsters of Midway...
2. Pittsburgh (10-3) — Just doing business
3. Atlanta (11-2) — See above
4. New Orleans (10-3) — Look who's won six in a row
BOTTOM 4
29. Arizona (4-9) — Even so...
30. Cincinnati (2-11) — Three more weeks, Marvin... three more weeks
31. Denver (3-10) — To be fair, who saw Peyton Hillis blowing up like this?
32. Carolina (1-12) — *taps out*
Friday, December 10, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 13: Perilous and Ponderous
This is coming back, isn't it? Yeah, of course it is. It doesn't seem to matter watching this drive, though. Or this one. Or even this one, though the Texans did at least hold them to a field goal here. These drives have all taken a decent amount of time, too, which is encouraging. Is it just me or did McCoy pick up his game when Vick came back? How does Joel Dreesen keep getting wide open against good teams? I was worried that without Samuel, if the Eagles were going to blow a lead like this, it'd be on a big play but that hasn't happened. Like the Eagles in the first half, the Texans are doing this with long, methodical drives. Well there's a bomb to Andre Johnson. Plenty of time left for Houston's defense to cough another one up. You know, Wade Phillips is out there. (Before you ask me if I'm crazy, I'd absolutely hire Wade to just run a defense.) I feel like Vick doesn't get low enough when he sneaks but it seems to work. (He's not a big guy, either Celek got that one on the stretch, and I can't believe I'm about to say this, but throw the flag, Andy. Come on, he got it. Yes! The difference between six points and 10 is huge here and that's why you do that. I don't know if there's anything to this, but I'm beginning to believe the Texans actually traded Kyle Shanahan to the Redskins and got back their staggering inability to finish games. (Eagles 34, Texans 24)
Signal Finder: WAS @ NYG; CLE @ MIA, DEN @ KC (end), NO @ CIN (end); DAL @ IND; ATL @ TB (end)
Can the Browns avenge their brothers-in-arms on the hardwood? sees Jake Delhomme is starting I'm gonna go ahead and say "no." This has been kind of a snoozefest, to be honest. 60 yards! That'll wake these people up. Oh man, overtime just went through that Dolphins DB's hands.,although this game's been so bad I'm not sure anyone would stick around for 15 more minutes of it. I would have bet everything I own that Delhomme and not Chad Henne would throw the game-killing interception. How does he not score? It's GOOD! Why are the Dolphins so bad at home this year? Is it delayed karma from the Orange Bowl demolition? Also, Eric Mangini needs some Coach of the Year votes — this is a 4-12 roster at best and he has an outside shot at 8-8. crosses off Dolphins (Browns 13, Dolphins 10)
Did the Lions just get screwed out of a win over the Bears again? (Bears 24, Lions 20)
I'm well aware that the Redskins have plenty of more important problems. But the yellow pants have got to go. No Haynesworth, not that you'd notice. Although thinking about it, I guess you would miss a giant blob of unmotivated, apathetic fat. Especially when the Giants are running right through the hole that he theoretically would have filled up. I think it's safe to say the switch to the 3-4 hasn't exactly paid dividends. And yet this team has somehow already won one more game than last year. Does Coughlin have Ahmad Bradshaw doing that thing he did with Tiki where he carries a ball up under his neck or wherever everywhere he goes? Because it worked for Tiki is all I'm saying. If Jake Delhomme against Carolina last week was a 0.0000001 on the Vengeance Scale, Devin Thomas against the Redskins may actually be a negative number. He blocked a punt! This is his greatest game ever. This can't end soon enough. And it ended pretty soon. crosses off Redskins (Giants 31, Redskins 7)
Really, Sean Payton? Really? This BETTER work. Of course, Lynch's rationale that the Saints are a better team anyway probably does figure into it — if they're better , they should be able to get this first down anyway. They sure are taking their time. Wait... are they trying to draw them offsiOH MY GOD IT WORKED. And the Bengals player clearly moved first looking at this replay. Good teams find ways to win games and bad teams find ways to lose games. But that kickoff return gave the Bengals time... time they've just squandered by somehow not calling time out. That's such a Bengals way to lose. (Saints 34, Bengals 30)
Bill Simmons, in his mini-prediction column: "The No Handshake Bowl II. And there won't be a III." (Chiefs 10, Broncos 6)
This should never have happened. Although at the start of this weekend I would have preferred this being our only CBS game here instead of anything in the 1 p.m. block. (Raiders 28, Chargers 13)
That was too easy. So was that. The Scandrick interception was a little more difficult but I have a pattern to maintain here. Is a Colts game in the Peyton Manning era going to be over by halftime? With the Colts losing? I can't believe what I'm seeing here. Some of Peyton's recent interceptions have been so bad they've looked like his rookie season. The thing I've noticed on the ones he's thrown today is that the Cowboys aren't being fooled. He's not throwing it directly to them, but they know where the ball's going, and it seems like that's been a problem for some of his other recent ones. Of course, count him out at your own peril. Are the Cowboys really about to completely blow this lead? Yep. Off a blocked punt, of all things, which isn't even in play if the penalty doesn't wipe out that monster kickoff return. Still, it's very tenuous at one point and I don't think I'd throw the ball at all if I'm the Cowboys — they've been running wild all day. And that's exactly what they're doing. They threw two passes on that drive (both to Witten) and chewed up almost the entire fourth quarter. Two and a half minutes left? That's two minutes more than the Colts actually need. You'd think the Cowboys would be triple-teaming Wayne on every play and making Peyton throw to guys he's clearly not comfortable with, which is also part of the problem. I think Javarris James has more rushing touchdowns than every other Colts running back this season. And if anything happens to him, the next phone call could be to his cousin Edge. The fact that Peyton's thrown three interceptions, had two of them returned for touchdowns, and we're still going to overtime says a lot about a lot of things. What, again? Are you kidding me? It's the Super Bowl losers' curse. I don't have any better explanations. (Cowboys 38, Colts 35, OT)
How is it that we can have bonus coverage after a game that went halfway into overtime? I feel like if you swapped the Bucs' and Lions' schedules, you could also swap their records. (Falcons 28, Buccaneers 24)
Is it 2007 again? Max: "I haven't seen a beating like this since the glory days of Jerry Flynn." Turn out the lights, the party's over. (Patriots 45, Jets 3)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (5-8, L2): No playoffs. All I had to do was beat Janey and I would have gotten in, but I lost by less than two points.
JackSux 7 (6-7, W2): Thanks to Brady and Jennings, I beat the crap out of Rob (again, always a good time) to eliminate him from playoff contention. Now it comes down to one game, me against Rob's brother, who's also 6-7. Winner is in, loser is out.
RANKINGS
TOP 4
1. New England (10-2) — Also of note: Brady hasn't thrown a pick in two months
2. Pittsburgh (9-3) — Round 6,721,453 to the Steelers
3. Atlanta (10-2) — Could make a case they should have lost both games to the Buccaneers
4. Baltimore (8-4) — Still seems like something's missing
BOTTOM 4
29. Arizona (3-9) —In a way, this feels like order's been restored to the universe
30. Buffalo (2-10) — Would Los Angeles even want them?
31. Cincinnati (2-10) — They've lost NINE IN A ROW. That's almost impossible
32. Carolina (1-11) — Gave Seattle a scare for about 25 minutes
----------------
Listening to: John Lennon-Watching the Wheels
via FoxyTunes
Signal Finder: WAS @ NYG; CLE @ MIA, DEN @ KC (end), NO @ CIN (end); DAL @ IND; ATL @ TB (end)
Can the Browns avenge their brothers-in-arms on the hardwood? sees Jake Delhomme is starting I'm gonna go ahead and say "no." This has been kind of a snoozefest, to be honest. 60 yards! That'll wake these people up. Oh man, overtime just went through that Dolphins DB's hands.,although this game's been so bad I'm not sure anyone would stick around for 15 more minutes of it. I would have bet everything I own that Delhomme and not Chad Henne would throw the game-killing interception. How does he not score? It's GOOD! Why are the Dolphins so bad at home this year? Is it delayed karma from the Orange Bowl demolition? Also, Eric Mangini needs some Coach of the Year votes — this is a 4-12 roster at best and he has an outside shot at 8-8. crosses off Dolphins (Browns 13, Dolphins 10)
Did the Lions just get screwed out of a win over the Bears again? (Bears 24, Lions 20)
I'm well aware that the Redskins have plenty of more important problems. But the yellow pants have got to go. No Haynesworth, not that you'd notice. Although thinking about it, I guess you would miss a giant blob of unmotivated, apathetic fat. Especially when the Giants are running right through the hole that he theoretically would have filled up. I think it's safe to say the switch to the 3-4 hasn't exactly paid dividends. And yet this team has somehow already won one more game than last year. Does Coughlin have Ahmad Bradshaw doing that thing he did with Tiki where he carries a ball up under his neck or wherever everywhere he goes? Because it worked for Tiki is all I'm saying. If Jake Delhomme against Carolina last week was a 0.0000001 on the Vengeance Scale, Devin Thomas against the Redskins may actually be a negative number. He blocked a punt! This is his greatest game ever. This can't end soon enough. And it ended pretty soon. crosses off Redskins (Giants 31, Redskins 7)
Really, Sean Payton? Really? This BETTER work. Of course, Lynch's rationale that the Saints are a better team anyway probably does figure into it — if they're better , they should be able to get this first down anyway. They sure are taking their time. Wait... are they trying to draw them offsiOH MY GOD IT WORKED. And the Bengals player clearly moved first looking at this replay. Good teams find ways to win games and bad teams find ways to lose games. But that kickoff return gave the Bengals time... time they've just squandered by somehow not calling time out. That's such a Bengals way to lose. (Saints 34, Bengals 30)
Bill Simmons, in his mini-prediction column: "The No Handshake Bowl II. And there won't be a III." (Chiefs 10, Broncos 6)
This should never have happened. Although at the start of this weekend I would have preferred this being our only CBS game here instead of anything in the 1 p.m. block. (Raiders 28, Chargers 13)
That was too easy. So was that. The Scandrick interception was a little more difficult but I have a pattern to maintain here. Is a Colts game in the Peyton Manning era going to be over by halftime? With the Colts losing? I can't believe what I'm seeing here. Some of Peyton's recent interceptions have been so bad they've looked like his rookie season. The thing I've noticed on the ones he's thrown today is that the Cowboys aren't being fooled. He's not throwing it directly to them, but they know where the ball's going, and it seems like that's been a problem for some of his other recent ones. Of course, count him out at your own peril. Are the Cowboys really about to completely blow this lead? Yep. Off a blocked punt, of all things, which isn't even in play if the penalty doesn't wipe out that monster kickoff return. Still, it's very tenuous at one point and I don't think I'd throw the ball at all if I'm the Cowboys — they've been running wild all day. And that's exactly what they're doing. They threw two passes on that drive (both to Witten) and chewed up almost the entire fourth quarter. Two and a half minutes left? That's two minutes more than the Colts actually need. You'd think the Cowboys would be triple-teaming Wayne on every play and making Peyton throw to guys he's clearly not comfortable with, which is also part of the problem. I think Javarris James has more rushing touchdowns than every other Colts running back this season. And if anything happens to him, the next phone call could be to his cousin Edge. The fact that Peyton's thrown three interceptions, had two of them returned for touchdowns, and we're still going to overtime says a lot about a lot of things. What, again? Are you kidding me? It's the Super Bowl losers' curse. I don't have any better explanations. (Cowboys 38, Colts 35, OT)
How is it that we can have bonus coverage after a game that went halfway into overtime? I feel like if you swapped the Bucs' and Lions' schedules, you could also swap their records. (Falcons 28, Buccaneers 24)
Is it 2007 again? Max: "I haven't seen a beating like this since the glory days of Jerry Flynn." Turn out the lights, the party's over. (Patriots 45, Jets 3)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (5-8, L2): No playoffs. All I had to do was beat Janey and I would have gotten in, but I lost by less than two points.
JackSux 7 (6-7, W2): Thanks to Brady and Jennings, I beat the crap out of Rob (again, always a good time) to eliminate him from playoff contention. Now it comes down to one game, me against Rob's brother, who's also 6-7. Winner is in, loser is out.
RANKINGS
TOP 4
1. New England (10-2) — Also of note: Brady hasn't thrown a pick in two months
2. Pittsburgh (9-3) — Round 6,721,453 to the Steelers
3. Atlanta (10-2) — Could make a case they should have lost both games to the Buccaneers
4. Baltimore (8-4) — Still seems like something's missing
BOTTOM 4
29. Arizona (3-9) —In a way, this feels like order's been restored to the universe
30. Buffalo (2-10) — Would Los Angeles even want them?
31. Cincinnati (2-10) — They've lost NINE IN A ROW. That's almost impossible
32. Carolina (1-11) — Gave Seattle a scare for about 25 minutes
----------------
Listening to: John Lennon-Watching the Wheels
via FoxyTunes
Saturday, December 4, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 12: Off The Rack (of Lamb)
So how long can the new, improved Lions hang? Let's find out. I think this is the most Lions games I've ever seen in one season (three) and I like seeing how good Calvin Johnson is at catching passes from mediocre-at-best-quarterbacks. The guy played with Reggie Ball, arguably the worst four-year starter ever, in college. Is it really 14-3? Someone tell the Patriots you're not supposed to have the turkey dinner until after the game. This first possession out of halftime is big. They forced a punt! Wow. This could get very interesting if the Lions can sustain something (and by the way, this is the Week 12 I was thinking about back at Eagles-Lions in week 2) Oops. That might be a game-changer in the bad way. Well, wait a second... the Lions just went ahead again. But the Patriots are firing on all proverbial cylinders now. Yeah, I guess it was only a matter of time. Anyone who had "three quarters" in the pool, please come to Window 8 to collect. Look for the guy trying to cut into the rack of lamb. Brady ended up with a perfect quarterback rating? Unreal. (Patriots 45, Lions 24)
Seriously, there's not a lot of meat on these bones.
Quite a few Saints fans at Jerryworld. So is Bush playing or not? One guy said maybe, one guy said no, and yet there he is, but it's this Chris Ivory kid who's doing the heavy lifting. The Saints' engine is humming. Seventeen points in the first quarter? The old Saints — and the old Cowboys — appear to have resurfaced. Was that a Julius Jones sighting? REVERSE. I don't think Austin had caught a pass yet, either. Oooh, Bush dropped a probable touchdown there. He slipped? What is this, Soldier Field? And then he fumbles the punt... not a good sequence. Let's sort out this McBriar thing. Oh, I see, you can't kick a ball when it's on the ground. So why not take the penalty and make them re-kick and try for better field position? Dez Bryant is angry. Somebody calm him down (Seriously! You're back in the game!) and throw a pass in his direction or something because that's the first time I've actually seen him all game. It's interesting that the Cowboys are still in it despite that fact. And now they've got the ball again after the rookie tight end let one go off his hands. An ice-cold Tashard Choice on fourth and goal? Really, Garrett? Oh, never mind. I am displeased by this. Oh, Roy. Even when you catch it your hands let you down. How does that even happen? Time to find the magic, Saints. I can't say that took long. 59 yards with a guy with the leg and reliability of Sebastian Janikowski? Good luck with THAT. Wide left! LOL at Payton trying to do the last-moment timeout thing and not getting it. That's a less aesthetically offensive version of the Galloping Gobbler than we've seen in years past. And yes, I still miss the mutant six-legged turkeys. (Saints 30, Cowboys 27)
Signal Finder: GB @ ATL, JAX @ NYG, PIT @ BUF (end regulation), PHI @ CHI
What are Brennaman and Billick doing here? There's been quite a bit of going for it on fourth down today with mixed results. Rodgers' fumble on the fourth-and-goal sneak was on the bad side of that mix. You know who's still good is Tony Gonzalez. Another sneak from Rodgers... hey, it worked this time! Oh, man, Turner could have walked in backwards. (P.S. Also on fourth down.) Hey, Mike McCarthy, I know you guys can't run the ball but lining up in the shotgun on 4th and 1 from the opponents' 45 is making it a little too obvious what's coming. Also, how did that drive take so long? The Packers have the ball back and I'm not sure they have any plays where Rodgers lines up under center. Either that or they've just thrown those away. If there was a next play here Rodgers can design it and come up with a snap count with all the time he has. Is he in? Yeah, without question. Looks like overtime. Or not, as he clearly grabbed the face mask. That's a good way to lose a game. Did Ryan really not throw an incompletion in the second half? Ridiculous. (Falcons 20, Packers 17)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Derek Anderson; 2. Steve Johnson; 3. Roy Williams; 4. Cortland Finnegan; 5. Josh McDaniels
Kevin Boss just ran through that tackle like it wasn't happening. Seems like he hasn't become what the Giants thought he would when they traded Shockey, and they're going to need him now with their receivers dropping left and right (BTW, we've located Devin Thomas; the Giants just picked him up off waivers from the Panthers, of all teams.) That's a lot of sacks at one time. The Giants needed this win to avoid having that happen again. On the other side, the Jaguars clearly can't be trusted. (Giants 24, Jaguars 20)
I mean, I guess by the transitive property the Lions are unluckier than the Bills because the Bills beat them, but man, it's close. (Steelers 19, Bills 16, OT)
You know, you'd think going through life named "Cortland", you'd eventually figure out how to handle yourself in a fight. That's all I'm saying. (Texans 20, Titans 0)
What I'm actually most interested in seeing is if Mike Martz actually uses tight end Greg Olsen in the passing game, given how bad the Eagles are at covering tight ends, even though they're also starting two backups at cornerback. Of course I'll need to wait a bit on that as the Eagles have won the toss. Five plays in and it looks like Martz has chosen the wide receivers. Also, now that they've decided on their guys for the offensive line, that group's starting to play better as evidenced by Forte snapping off that 60-yarder or whatever it was. On the other side, it's amazing the difference Peppers has made for the Bears — they can get pressure with four and just use everybody else to fill in passing lanes, like Urlacher did there just before he got beat by Maclin on the next play. They're also mostly healthy, which never hurts. And again the Eagles' red-zone offense from two years ago makes an appearance. Well, the interception-less streak had to end sometime. What an ugly-looking pass, though. Oh, it was tipped. Should he have even run it out? Uh-oh. That could turn into the game-changer if the Bears get a touchdown here. Look at Cutler playing in control and making intelligent decisions. This Eagles secondary is getting used and abused — the safeties are having to do different things to help out the corners who are getting lit up and it's just not going well all the way around. On the other side, it's amazing the difference Peppers has made for the Bears — they can get pressure with four and just use everybody else to fill in passing lanes. They're also mostly healthy, which also helps. Kicking this field goal looks worse because of the other one they kicked earlier at the 4-yard line, but it's 4th and 18 here. Even so, they should have gone for the first one because if you don't make it, the game's over anyway. Whoa, Celek finally caught a pass! And it was behind him and in triple coverage? He catches that one but misses about four when he's wide open? Whatever. I'll tell you this: I don't want to come here in January and face them on this field if they keep this up. And the rest of you shouldn't, either. (Bears 31, Eagles 26)
Sorry, Bucs... you're just not ready yet. But it's better this way in the long run. (Ravens 17, Buccaneers 10)
Even given the Colts' historical struggles with the 3-4 and the Chargers' seeming knowledge of how to rattle their cage, this is nuts. Three interceptions again? OK, we won't blame Peyton for that one because Weddle clearly pulled Wayne out of the path of the pass and finished the route himself (how no official sees that is beyond me) but he's been genuinely awful for the first time in a long time. (Chargers 36, Colts 14)
Brian Westbrook lives! I think before this he'd gotten more carries in London than he had in every other game in America this season. The Cardinals fan out there is pining for the halcyon day of Timm Rosenbach. Matt Leinart's sitting at home watching the postgame saying, "See, I wouldn't have done THAT, either." (49ers 27, Cardinals 6)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (5-7, L1): Still in eighth place (actually a four-way tie for seventh) after a not-so-good loss.
JackSux 7 (5-7, W1): Unexpectedly back in the hunt after Brady carries me to a win over Butch.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (9-2) — Taking it easy for once
2. New England (9-2) — Gearing up for a showdown
3. Atlanta (9-2) — Making another statement
4. Baltimore (8-3) — It's quiet down there. TOO quiet
BOTTOM 4:
29. Arizona (3-8) — The Cardinals are back, ladies and gentlemen
30. Buffalo (2-9) — Adding the Shawne Merriman waiver pickup to the list of fantastic blunders
31. Cincinnati (2-9) — Do not diss The Island
32. Carolina (1-10) — Assuming Andrew Luck declares... do you even take him?
Seriously, there's not a lot of meat on these bones.
Quite a few Saints fans at Jerryworld. So is Bush playing or not? One guy said maybe, one guy said no, and yet there he is, but it's this Chris Ivory kid who's doing the heavy lifting. The Saints' engine is humming. Seventeen points in the first quarter? The old Saints — and the old Cowboys — appear to have resurfaced. Was that a Julius Jones sighting? REVERSE. I don't think Austin had caught a pass yet, either. Oooh, Bush dropped a probable touchdown there. He slipped? What is this, Soldier Field? And then he fumbles the punt... not a good sequence. Let's sort out this McBriar thing. Oh, I see, you can't kick a ball when it's on the ground. So why not take the penalty and make them re-kick and try for better field position? Dez Bryant is angry. Somebody calm him down (Seriously! You're back in the game!) and throw a pass in his direction or something because that's the first time I've actually seen him all game. It's interesting that the Cowboys are still in it despite that fact. And now they've got the ball again after the rookie tight end let one go off his hands. An ice-cold Tashard Choice on fourth and goal? Really, Garrett? Oh, never mind. I am displeased by this. Oh, Roy. Even when you catch it your hands let you down. How does that even happen? Time to find the magic, Saints. I can't say that took long. 59 yards with a guy with the leg and reliability of Sebastian Janikowski? Good luck with THAT. Wide left! LOL at Payton trying to do the last-moment timeout thing and not getting it. That's a less aesthetically offensive version of the Galloping Gobbler than we've seen in years past. And yes, I still miss the mutant six-legged turkeys. (Saints 30, Cowboys 27)
Signal Finder: GB @ ATL, JAX @ NYG, PIT @ BUF (end regulation), PHI @ CHI
What are Brennaman and Billick doing here? There's been quite a bit of going for it on fourth down today with mixed results. Rodgers' fumble on the fourth-and-goal sneak was on the bad side of that mix. You know who's still good is Tony Gonzalez. Another sneak from Rodgers... hey, it worked this time! Oh, man, Turner could have walked in backwards. (P.S. Also on fourth down.) Hey, Mike McCarthy, I know you guys can't run the ball but lining up in the shotgun on 4th and 1 from the opponents' 45 is making it a little too obvious what's coming. Also, how did that drive take so long? The Packers have the ball back and I'm not sure they have any plays where Rodgers lines up under center. Either that or they've just thrown those away. If there was a next play here Rodgers can design it and come up with a snap count with all the time he has. Is he in? Yeah, without question. Looks like overtime. Or not, as he clearly grabbed the face mask. That's a good way to lose a game. Did Ryan really not throw an incompletion in the second half? Ridiculous. (Falcons 20, Packers 17)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Derek Anderson; 2. Steve Johnson; 3. Roy Williams; 4. Cortland Finnegan; 5. Josh McDaniels
Kevin Boss just ran through that tackle like it wasn't happening. Seems like he hasn't become what the Giants thought he would when they traded Shockey, and they're going to need him now with their receivers dropping left and right (BTW, we've located Devin Thomas; the Giants just picked him up off waivers from the Panthers, of all teams.) That's a lot of sacks at one time. The Giants needed this win to avoid having that happen again. On the other side, the Jaguars clearly can't be trusted. (Giants 24, Jaguars 20)
I mean, I guess by the transitive property the Lions are unluckier than the Bills because the Bills beat them, but man, it's close. (Steelers 19, Bills 16, OT)
You know, you'd think going through life named "Cortland", you'd eventually figure out how to handle yourself in a fight. That's all I'm saying. (Texans 20, Titans 0)
What I'm actually most interested in seeing is if Mike Martz actually uses tight end Greg Olsen in the passing game, given how bad the Eagles are at covering tight ends, even though they're also starting two backups at cornerback. Of course I'll need to wait a bit on that as the Eagles have won the toss. Five plays in and it looks like Martz has chosen the wide receivers. Also, now that they've decided on their guys for the offensive line, that group's starting to play better as evidenced by Forte snapping off that 60-yarder or whatever it was. On the other side, it's amazing the difference Peppers has made for the Bears — they can get pressure with four and just use everybody else to fill in passing lanes, like Urlacher did there just before he got beat by Maclin on the next play. They're also mostly healthy, which never hurts. And again the Eagles' red-zone offense from two years ago makes an appearance. Well, the interception-less streak had to end sometime. What an ugly-looking pass, though. Oh, it was tipped. Should he have even run it out? Uh-oh. That could turn into the game-changer if the Bears get a touchdown here. Look at Cutler playing in control and making intelligent decisions. This Eagles secondary is getting used and abused — the safeties are having to do different things to help out the corners who are getting lit up and it's just not going well all the way around. On the other side, it's amazing the difference Peppers has made for the Bears — they can get pressure with four and just use everybody else to fill in passing lanes. They're also mostly healthy, which also helps. Kicking this field goal looks worse because of the other one they kicked earlier at the 4-yard line, but it's 4th and 18 here. Even so, they should have gone for the first one because if you don't make it, the game's over anyway. Whoa, Celek finally caught a pass! And it was behind him and in triple coverage? He catches that one but misses about four when he's wide open? Whatever. I'll tell you this: I don't want to come here in January and face them on this field if they keep this up. And the rest of you shouldn't, either. (Bears 31, Eagles 26)
Sorry, Bucs... you're just not ready yet. But it's better this way in the long run. (Ravens 17, Buccaneers 10)
Even given the Colts' historical struggles with the 3-4 and the Chargers' seeming knowledge of how to rattle their cage, this is nuts. Three interceptions again? OK, we won't blame Peyton for that one because Weddle clearly pulled Wayne out of the path of the pass and finished the route himself (how no official sees that is beyond me) but he's been genuinely awful for the first time in a long time. (Chargers 36, Colts 14)
Brian Westbrook lives! I think before this he'd gotten more carries in London than he had in every other game in America this season. The Cardinals fan out there is pining for the halcyon day of Timm Rosenbach. Matt Leinart's sitting at home watching the postgame saying, "See, I wouldn't have done THAT, either." (49ers 27, Cardinals 6)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (5-7, L1): Still in eighth place (actually a four-way tie for seventh) after a not-so-good loss.
JackSux 7 (5-7, W1): Unexpectedly back in the hunt after Brady carries me to a win over Butch.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (9-2) — Taking it easy for once
2. New England (9-2) — Gearing up for a showdown
3. Atlanta (9-2) — Making another statement
4. Baltimore (8-3) — It's quiet down there. TOO quiet
BOTTOM 4:
29. Arizona (3-8) — The Cardinals are back, ladies and gentlemen
30. Buffalo (2-9) — Adding the Shawne Merriman waiver pickup to the list of fantastic blunders
31. Cincinnati (2-9) — Do not diss The Island
32. Carolina (1-10) — Assuming Andrew Luck declares... do you even take him?
Thursday, November 25, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 11: Precious Declarations
Posit: You're starting a third-string quarterback on a short week of preparation. You're also starting your backup center at center and your third-string center at guard. Your left tackle has a shoulder injury. So your backs run the ball six times? Whatever. The thing with Marshall and Cutler on the sideline: I was listening to Mike and Mike Friday morning and that seems to stem from when Marshall wanted out of Denver, Cutler either told Bears management not to bring him in or didn't really lobby for it one way or the other. REVENGE FOR 1985. Ska: "Jeff George's phone line is open. Just sayin'." (Bears 16, Dolphins 0)
Signal Finder: GB @ MIN, WAS @ TEN (end), OAK @ PIT, HOU @ NYJ (end); IND @ NE
Well, the old Raiders have resurfaced. And the Raider DNA has clearly infected Richard Seymour, who really should know better. I don't care if Ben said to you whatever Marco Mazzeratti said to Zidane. YOU DON'T DO THAT. It's hilarious and sad reading the message boards and seeing people praise Seymour for knocking Ben down and connecting it to the alleged sexual assault stuff (like one had anything to do with the other), proclaiming "The Silver and Black is back!" (The outlaw cheap shot artists? Sure) and talking about how that's how a man handles it when someone 'gets in his face' (A real man picks his battles, and punking out the opposing quarterback after his team's scored 21 points on you in the first half is not a battle you pick. Even if you win, you lose.) Get. Out. There's another touchdown. Wait... what? WHAT?! Then the false start happens and the Steelers fans are still booing the last call. Then Farrior comes FLYING offside. That's what, four straight penalties? It's chaos out there. Gradkowski? What happened to Campbell? Doesn't seem to matter much today as there's another turnover. Cable should probably bench the people responsible for the running game going to crap. I'M MIKE WALLACE. This is officially out of hand. (Steelers 35, Raiders 3)
Oh, we've been switched. I don't think this is a touchdown. Of course, I've been wrong before. Like now, for instance. Edwards down the sideline! Oh no. Not again. YES. AGAIN. And the crowd ERUPTS. crosses off Texans Seriously, two weeks in a row? Their collective psyche just exploded. (Jets 30, Texans 27)
GUNSLINGER. This could get ugly fairly quickly now. What's with Favre on the sideline? Did Childress threaten to bench him again? Who gets the ball first in the second half? The Packers? Oh, yeah, this could definitely get ugly. These kids playing corner for the Vikings are so overmatched here it isn't funny. You just have to hope they learn from this, although I'm not sure a shouting match with the defensive line will help matters. Matt Flynn lives! Yeah, we're done here. That it ended this way seems... fitting, somehow. (And if you're Childress, what do you do with Favre knowing that neither one of you's coming back next year?) We going to Nashville? Yep. (Packers 31, Vikings 3)
And apparently we should have arrived in an ambulance. Who is Rusty Smith? Anybody? AGAINST: The Redskins' yellow pants. Hey, that Donovan McNabb doesn't run a bad two-minute drill. There's Brandon Banks! Gano missed? Was that short? Yeah, it was, and an ugly kick to boot, looking at the replay. That's no way to treat a former teammate, Will Witherspoon. Try this one, Graham. That's more like it. (Redskins 19, Titans 16, OT) crosses off Vince Young's Tennessee Titans career
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Bad throw by Peyton, but Sanders had to make a nice play to get to it. But with the Colts' offense running practice-squad guys out there, it really shouldn't have come to that. (Patriots 31, Colts 28)
Forget the Pac-10... can we trade the NFC West for the WAC? (Chiefs 31, Cardinals 13; Falcons 34, Rams 17; Saints 34, Seahawks 19; Buccaneers 21, 49ers 0)
Vick's been getting hit more than he's been used to this year. Oh boy. Avant just dropped that one. Nice to see the Eagles have revived the goal-line offense they used against the Colts. It should really be about 24-3 right now. And that does include the blocked field goal. When's the last time you saw that? (Two weeks ago?) Possibly. Aw, jeez. Hobbs missed the second half of last year with a neck injury, too. Move something! Hope he's OK. This is what happens when you settle for field goals against good teams. Vick turns it over on a picture-perfect strip by Tuck. So much of this game is about getting the little things right. Derek Hagan? Who? Nice footwork in the back of the end zone, at any rate. Still plenty of time here, and you have to think the Eagles think they can hit something on this Giants defense. Fourth and 1 with Vick? You go for it. Touchdown! Vick got blown up but the ball — and McCoy — were LONG gone. It's now officially typical Eagles-Giants — an almost-fumbled snap on 4th and 1 turns into the go-ahead touchdown. There's another pick for Samuel. What happened? He fumbled? Bradshaw skullcrushed that thing out of there. That's exactly how you do that. At least the Giants didn't pick up any yards. Oh, come on, you can't let Eli pick this up running. FUMBLE? Yeah, looks like it. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times: Mannings don't make money with their feet. And people complain that Vick doesn't slide... Eli dropped and rolled like they teach you how to do when your body catches fire. That ball's out. You see that graphic where the Giants have 14 turnovers in their last four games against the Eagles? That's just brutal. (Eagles 27, Giants 17)
This is where I remind all of you — after reminding myself — that Kyle Orton's done this before. He did this every week at Purdue for years. Dude would've been a Heisman finalist his senior season if he hadn't gotten banged up and missed three games. On the other side, you look at some of the guys Philip Rivers is throwing to and you wouldn't be wrong to wonder if "San Diego" isn't preceded by "University of." Are the Chargers starting to heat up? And does it really matter in the end? We've seen this movie before. As far as current events go, this turned into an absolute thrashing. Rivers just threw another touchdown pass. (Chargers 35, Broncos 14)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (5-6, W1): The various beatdowns gave me a 30-point win and kept me in the playoff chase.
JackSux (4-7, L1): So we were already off to a rollicking start as I picked up the Bears' defense for the sole purpose of playing them against Tyler Thigpen — and Yahoo and I both forget to actually put them into the starting DEF slot on the roster page, costing me 23 points from the jump. THEN I somehow forgot to start Greg Jennings. So that's 59 points on the bench and Jay beat me by 41. I don't deserve to make the playoffs doing stupid crap like that.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (8-2) — Good teams find ways
2. New England (8-2) — Defense will cost them at some point
3. Green Bay (7-3) — Overlooked and underappreciated
4. Philadelphia (7-3) — Is this when the separation starts?
BOTTOM 4:
29. Arizona (3-7) — Going nowhere fast
30. Buffalo (2-8) — An aberration?
31. Cincinnati (2-8) — You can't let the Bills do that to you. You just CAN'T
32. Carolina (1-9) — I'm sure Chris Weinke's not busy
Signal Finder: GB @ MIN, WAS @ TEN (end), OAK @ PIT, HOU @ NYJ (end); IND @ NE
Well, the old Raiders have resurfaced. And the Raider DNA has clearly infected Richard Seymour, who really should know better. I don't care if Ben said to you whatever Marco Mazzeratti said to Zidane. YOU DON'T DO THAT. It's hilarious and sad reading the message boards and seeing people praise Seymour for knocking Ben down and connecting it to the alleged sexual assault stuff (like one had anything to do with the other), proclaiming "The Silver and Black is back!" (The outlaw cheap shot artists? Sure) and talking about how that's how a man handles it when someone 'gets in his face' (A real man picks his battles, and punking out the opposing quarterback after his team's scored 21 points on you in the first half is not a battle you pick. Even if you win, you lose.) Get. Out. There's another touchdown. Wait... what? WHAT?! Then the false start happens and the Steelers fans are still booing the last call. Then Farrior comes FLYING offside. That's what, four straight penalties? It's chaos out there. Gradkowski? What happened to Campbell? Doesn't seem to matter much today as there's another turnover. Cable should probably bench the people responsible for the running game going to crap. I'M MIKE WALLACE. This is officially out of hand. (Steelers 35, Raiders 3)
Oh, we've been switched. I don't think this is a touchdown. Of course, I've been wrong before. Like now, for instance. Edwards down the sideline! Oh no. Not again. YES. AGAIN. And the crowd ERUPTS. crosses off Texans Seriously, two weeks in a row? Their collective psyche just exploded. (Jets 30, Texans 27)
GUNSLINGER. This could get ugly fairly quickly now. What's with Favre on the sideline? Did Childress threaten to bench him again? Who gets the ball first in the second half? The Packers? Oh, yeah, this could definitely get ugly. These kids playing corner for the Vikings are so overmatched here it isn't funny. You just have to hope they learn from this, although I'm not sure a shouting match with the defensive line will help matters. Matt Flynn lives! Yeah, we're done here. That it ended this way seems... fitting, somehow. (And if you're Childress, what do you do with Favre knowing that neither one of you's coming back next year?) We going to Nashville? Yep. (Packers 31, Vikings 3)
And apparently we should have arrived in an ambulance. Who is Rusty Smith? Anybody? AGAINST: The Redskins' yellow pants. Hey, that Donovan McNabb doesn't run a bad two-minute drill. There's Brandon Banks! Gano missed? Was that short? Yeah, it was, and an ugly kick to boot, looking at the replay. That's no way to treat a former teammate, Will Witherspoon. Try this one, Graham. That's more like it. (Redskins 19, Titans 16, OT) crosses off Vince Young's Tennessee Titans career
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Bad throw by Peyton, but Sanders had to make a nice play to get to it. But with the Colts' offense running practice-squad guys out there, it really shouldn't have come to that. (Patriots 31, Colts 28)
Forget the Pac-10... can we trade the NFC West for the WAC? (Chiefs 31, Cardinals 13; Falcons 34, Rams 17; Saints 34, Seahawks 19; Buccaneers 21, 49ers 0)
Vick's been getting hit more than he's been used to this year. Oh boy. Avant just dropped that one. Nice to see the Eagles have revived the goal-line offense they used against the Colts. It should really be about 24-3 right now. And that does include the blocked field goal. When's the last time you saw that? (Two weeks ago?) Possibly. Aw, jeez. Hobbs missed the second half of last year with a neck injury, too. Move something! Hope he's OK. This is what happens when you settle for field goals against good teams. Vick turns it over on a picture-perfect strip by Tuck. So much of this game is about getting the little things right. Derek Hagan? Who? Nice footwork in the back of the end zone, at any rate. Still plenty of time here, and you have to think the Eagles think they can hit something on this Giants defense. Fourth and 1 with Vick? You go for it. Touchdown! Vick got blown up but the ball — and McCoy — were LONG gone. It's now officially typical Eagles-Giants — an almost-fumbled snap on 4th and 1 turns into the go-ahead touchdown. There's another pick for Samuel. What happened? He fumbled? Bradshaw skullcrushed that thing out of there. That's exactly how you do that. At least the Giants didn't pick up any yards. Oh, come on, you can't let Eli pick this up running. FUMBLE? Yeah, looks like it. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times: Mannings don't make money with their feet. And people complain that Vick doesn't slide... Eli dropped and rolled like they teach you how to do when your body catches fire. That ball's out. You see that graphic where the Giants have 14 turnovers in their last four games against the Eagles? That's just brutal. (Eagles 27, Giants 17)
This is where I remind all of you — after reminding myself — that Kyle Orton's done this before. He did this every week at Purdue for years. Dude would've been a Heisman finalist his senior season if he hadn't gotten banged up and missed three games. On the other side, you look at some of the guys Philip Rivers is throwing to and you wouldn't be wrong to wonder if "San Diego" isn't preceded by "University of." Are the Chargers starting to heat up? And does it really matter in the end? We've seen this movie before. As far as current events go, this turned into an absolute thrashing. Rivers just threw another touchdown pass. (Chargers 35, Broncos 14)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (5-6, W1): The various beatdowns gave me a 30-point win and kept me in the playoff chase.
JackSux (4-7, L1): So we were already off to a rollicking start as I picked up the Bears' defense for the sole purpose of playing them against Tyler Thigpen — and Yahoo and I both forget to actually put them into the starting DEF slot on the roster page, costing me 23 points from the jump. THEN I somehow forgot to start Greg Jennings. So that's 59 points on the bench and Jay beat me by 41. I don't deserve to make the playoffs doing stupid crap like that.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (8-2) — Good teams find ways
2. New England (8-2) — Defense will cost them at some point
3. Green Bay (7-3) — Overlooked and underappreciated
4. Philadelphia (7-3) — Is this when the separation starts?
BOTTOM 4:
29. Arizona (3-7) — Going nowhere fast
30. Buffalo (2-8) — An aberration?
31. Cincinnati (2-8) — You can't let the Bills do that to you. You just CAN'T
32. Carolina (1-9) — I'm sure Chris Weinke's not busy
Friday, November 19, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 10: Late Shows
Joe Theismann? Really, NFL Network? Really? All right, I suppose I'll suffer through this. The Falcons are eating the Ravens' defense alive with all this underneath stuff. Someone made a bad misread on the Snelling touchdown and I can't tell who. Maybe it was multiple someones. Does the Ravens' offense know there's a game tonight? Do they know where midfield is? Seriously, Matty Ice is carving them up. 20 of 28 passing in the first half? That's nuts. That interception's not going to help the Ravens' cause. That's more like it. You know whose name I haven't heard much tonight is Michael Turner. The Ravens should just not line Flacco up under center. They just shouldn't do it. He's been so much more effective from the shotgun tonight it isn't funny. Ravens lead! Or do they? Yeah, that's not getting overturned. That is pass interference. Touchdown! And all that after the announcers kept stressing that the Ravens couldn't let White get free. Well, he did push off but Wilson should probably have tried getting up and trying to run him down instead of yelling at the officials. Or, y'know, not let them go 62 yards down the field in 45 seconds. Just a thought. Don't run that kickoff out. Don't run it... OHHH! He'll live to regret that. (Falcons 26, Ravens 21)
Signal Finder: NYJ @ CLE, MIN @ CHI, DAL @ NYG, STL @ SF (about two minutes for the Jackson touchdown, then OT)
Greg Olsen caught a pass! Stop the presses! The Vikings are tackling like girls when they're not completely whiffing in kick coverage. Oh, great, a touchdown before the half. Just what this team's fragile state needs. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Gould makes that the overwhelming majority of the time. What did I JUST SAY, Brett. I'm starting to wonder if maybe it's time to start giving the Bears some real credit. I mean, they're 6-3 despite some real flaws, but their defense is playing back to form and Devin Hester is Devin Hester again. Stop kicking to him, by the way. You'd think the Vikings would know better. And there's Cutler doing his best Favre impression. What a waste of a perfectly good punt return that ended up being. Was that the same guy, even? I think it was. Is that one on Favre? Oh, yeah, the receiver fell down or something. That's close but I don't think it's getting overturned. I know we were just here last week with about this much time left, but that's hard to do two weeks in a row. Now Shiancoe falls down and another pass gets picked off? Are there tripwires in the grass at Soldier Field or something? Game, set, match. crosses off Vikings (Bears 27, Vikings 13)
Take heart, Lions: You're no longer putrid... just unlucky. (Bills 14, Lions 12)
Outsmarting ourselves already, Mangenius? Even now that LeBron's gone, it's still not safe for Braylon Edwards to go back to Cleveland. Does anyone throw out of the Wildcat anymore? I'm a bit stunned that the Browns can be so one-dimensional and are still hanging with the Jets here. Mangini's doing something right. On the other side, how many times has Sanchez escaped certain doom at the hands of the Browns' pass rush? Four? Five? Nick Folk, ladies and gentlemen... Nick Folk. Sanchez get away AGAIN! That was a big stop by the Browns, and this field goal's not a lock by any means. But Folk made that one. Is this where the legend of Colt McCoy begins? He just did that in, what, his fourth start, against what's supposed to be one of the league's best defenses with receivers that would struggle to make two-thirds of NFL rosters. OVERTIME. He's inbounds. What's #80 doing? Go for the ball, not a chop block! Nick Folk, ladies and gentlemen... Nick Folk. He's missed about 10 kicks today. Does anybody want to win this game? Haden would've been better off dropping that one — I think it's too much to ask of McCoy to do that again. We're going to have another tie. On the same weekend, in the same state, as the last one. OR NOT. Holmes does it again! You can see on the replay the corner and linebacker stop because they almost collide. So much for the Mangenius Revenge Road Tour. (Jets 26, Browns 20, OT)
KNOCK IT DOW— oops. And OF COURSE Gus Johnson got assigned to this game. (Jaguars 31, Texans 24)
All right, let's see how this goes. That... is a touchdown. No? Here comes the challenge flag. That's still a touchdown. Confirmed. Aaaaand the extra point gets blocked. Awful blocking there by the Cowboys as in addition to the actual block, Terrell Thomas was surging in free from the left side. The Cowboys seem to be throwing deep more often. Maybe it's just me. That happened in the Jacksonville game! And David Buehler barely makes it from 22 yards? Insert Winston Wolf quote here. Seriously, he may be the worst kicker in the NFL and I just watched Nick Folk miss 21 field goals in Cleveland. Now Mike Jenkins is out of the game (joining fellow CB Terence Newman) but I don't know how much of a loss that is with the season he's having. Am I the only one wondering why Jacobs isn't in down here at the goal line? Oh dear. Someone screwed up on that and... is this guy gonna take it back? Yeah, that's partially on Nicks, who stopped, and partially on Eli, who threw it anyway. The Giants could use a touchdown here but they're not going to get it. The Cowboys just blew up the Giants' defense with that screen to Felix.
Wait, why are we going to San Francisco? It's not that big of a blowout. The POWER went out? That's the best thing that's happened to the Giants all day. I forgot how good Steven Jackson is.
And we're back. This game isn't over by any means if the Giants score a touchdown. Like so. You know who's terrible is Orlando Scandrick. Oh, that's why Buck was pointing out the stadium scoreboard — FOX doesn't have any graphics. Can't they just put a camera on the clock or something and show it in a window? Strange. This game is not over by any means, and with nobody left in a bad Cowboys' secondary and the Giants unable to stop giving up big plays, we could get to the 50s. Graphics are back. Seriously, I'm not sure if Bryant and Austin are that good or the Giants' corners are that bad, but they've looked very ordinary all night. And yet they're still in this game... well, until that happened. Wow, Eli, Jon Kitna's supposed to throw that pick. Bob Costas, at halftime of the Sunday night game, asks the question we've all been asking the best way I can think to ask it: "If this group, even without Tony Romo, is good enough to do what it did today for Jason Garrett, why weren't they professional enough to do anything at all for Wade Phillips?" (Cowboys 33, Giants 20)
That is also pass interference and the same thing Tony Gonzalez did against the Ravens on Thursday (stop to adjust to the pass, causing the defender to run into you). Can we trade the NFC West for the Pac-10? (49ers 23, Rams 20, OT)
When did the Broncos turn into the '99 Rams? Todd Haley and Josh McDaniels don't like each other? Shocking. (Broncos 49, Chiefs 29)
Belichick's 22-2 record after losses is pretty sick. GRONK. That hit on Ward was... dicey. Is the Patriots' punter really named Zoltan Mesko? They're doing sort of what the Falcons did to the Ravens — lots of short passes, not taking any chances deep. The Steelers are really missing Ward out there, as the young kids don't seem very polished, especially in the red zone. They're also not getting the consistency in the running game that they'd probably like. GRONK. Did Nick Folk fear for his job, drive from Cleveland to Pittsburgh, and abduct Jeff Reed at halftime? Or is that the end of Heinz Field that screws every kicker up? I can never remember which side it is. This thing's turning into a barnburner. Look at Brady with the spike and the primal scream. The Steelers have come unglued. You hear so much about Patriots-Colts, Patriots-Jets and Steelers-Ravens that you forget these teams really don't like each other either. The Steelers just ran into a buzz saw tonight. (Patriots 39, Steelers 26)
Fisticuffs! You heard? Apparently this was sparked by LaRon Landry talking smack to DeSean Jackson about his concussion at the end of pregame warmups, so Jackson may have taken that pass pattern to the middle and past Landry on purpose. Did Gruden really predict that double reverse? What's going on up there? This is basically how the Redskins started the first game. Moss needs to catch that ball. Seriously, nobody throws out of the Wildcat anymore. I guess the Eagles decided it was McCoy's turn. Are you kidding me? As an aside, I'd like to predict that this new running back the Redskins have breaks off a 100-yard game at some point during the season. JEROME HARRISON LIVES! This is absolute carnage. Maclin's turn? OK. Yeah, he's in if they say he hit the pylon before rolling out of bounds. So much for the shutout. Davis almost stumbled running down the sideline. I'm not sure it's wise for Stewart Bradley to basically come out and say, "We can't stop that play." Donovan's having flashbacks to the NFC title game loss to the Panthers. Are Devin Thomas and Malcolm Kelly still on the roster? I mean, the Redskins' second and third receivers are 206-year-old Joey Galloway and a 27-year-old rookie from the Arena League (who, to his credit, has had his moments as a Nate Washington-esque deep threat). They need to get the Banks kid they've got on return duty into their passing game; see what he can do. If I remember right, Gruden's Bucs were one of the few teams that had success slowing down Vick. Let's go easy on Donovan. He doesn't play defense. Of course, I'm not sure who on the Redskins does. Oh, look, Albert Haynesworth is flopping around on the ground like a beached whale. That's never happened before. Vick takes another one himself. Could they get to 70? Oh, a field goal? I love how everyone's getting involved. The Redskins got two first downs on a drive! I wonder what the D.C. equivalent of the Bronx cheer is. I also wonder if the Eagles are on the sideline checking to see who hasn't scored yet. Well it's high time the defense joined the party. Don't know why the Redskins are bothering to challenge this, and not even because they're probably going to lose... there's just no point. What this really is on the Redskins' side is seven years of terrible personnel decisions all coming home to roost in one night. For Vick, this performance is everything people hoped and wished he could become, and, for obvious reasons, no one ever thought we'd see anything close to this. Probably time to get the principals out of there for the evening... it's raining pretty steadily now and you don't want anyone getting hurt. Mark Rypien backed up Peyton Manning? When? Oh, now you don't put Rex Grossman in? Whatever. (Eagles 59, Redskins 28)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (4-6, L1): Lost to Dave, who became the first to clinch a playoff spot. Even so, I'm in a three-way tie for eighth (but out of the playoffs at the moment) and facing a fellow 4-6 team next week.
JackSux 7 (4-6, W1): It's good to have Tom Brady. He led the way as I beat the crap out of Russ (after winning our first meeting by only eight points) to stay in contention.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. New England (7-2) — Got Jeff Reed fired
2. N.Y. Jets (7-2) — This is really close. Plus they beat the Pats
3. Pittsburgh (6-3) — Patriots + home game = bad times
4. (tie) Atlanta (7-2) — Even though they've lost to...
4. (tie) Philadelphia (6-3) — Seriously, did you see what they did Monday night?
BOTTOM 4:
29. Dallas (2-7) — Well, it's... something
30. Buffalo (1-8) — This may be as good as it gets
31. Cincinnati (2-7) — It'll all be over soon
32. Carolina (1-8) — Now that I think about it... based on the last two years, would you hire John Fox?
Signal Finder: NYJ @ CLE, MIN @ CHI, DAL @ NYG, STL @ SF (about two minutes for the Jackson touchdown, then OT)
Greg Olsen caught a pass! Stop the presses! The Vikings are tackling like girls when they're not completely whiffing in kick coverage. Oh, great, a touchdown before the half. Just what this team's fragile state needs. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Gould makes that the overwhelming majority of the time. What did I JUST SAY, Brett. I'm starting to wonder if maybe it's time to start giving the Bears some real credit. I mean, they're 6-3 despite some real flaws, but their defense is playing back to form and Devin Hester is Devin Hester again. Stop kicking to him, by the way. You'd think the Vikings would know better. And there's Cutler doing his best Favre impression. What a waste of a perfectly good punt return that ended up being. Was that the same guy, even? I think it was. Is that one on Favre? Oh, yeah, the receiver fell down or something. That's close but I don't think it's getting overturned. I know we were just here last week with about this much time left, but that's hard to do two weeks in a row. Now Shiancoe falls down and another pass gets picked off? Are there tripwires in the grass at Soldier Field or something? Game, set, match. crosses off Vikings (Bears 27, Vikings 13)
Take heart, Lions: You're no longer putrid... just unlucky. (Bills 14, Lions 12)
Outsmarting ourselves already, Mangenius? Even now that LeBron's gone, it's still not safe for Braylon Edwards to go back to Cleveland. Does anyone throw out of the Wildcat anymore? I'm a bit stunned that the Browns can be so one-dimensional and are still hanging with the Jets here. Mangini's doing something right. On the other side, how many times has Sanchez escaped certain doom at the hands of the Browns' pass rush? Four? Five? Nick Folk, ladies and gentlemen... Nick Folk. Sanchez get away AGAIN! That was a big stop by the Browns, and this field goal's not a lock by any means. But Folk made that one. Is this where the legend of Colt McCoy begins? He just did that in, what, his fourth start, against what's supposed to be one of the league's best defenses with receivers that would struggle to make two-thirds of NFL rosters. OVERTIME. He's inbounds. What's #80 doing? Go for the ball, not a chop block! Nick Folk, ladies and gentlemen... Nick Folk. He's missed about 10 kicks today. Does anybody want to win this game? Haden would've been better off dropping that one — I think it's too much to ask of McCoy to do that again. We're going to have another tie. On the same weekend, in the same state, as the last one. OR NOT. Holmes does it again! You can see on the replay the corner and linebacker stop because they almost collide. So much for the Mangenius Revenge Road Tour. (Jets 26, Browns 20, OT)
KNOCK IT DOW— oops. And OF COURSE Gus Johnson got assigned to this game. (Jaguars 31, Texans 24)
All right, let's see how this goes. That... is a touchdown. No? Here comes the challenge flag. That's still a touchdown. Confirmed. Aaaaand the extra point gets blocked. Awful blocking there by the Cowboys as in addition to the actual block, Terrell Thomas was surging in free from the left side. The Cowboys seem to be throwing deep more often. Maybe it's just me. That happened in the Jacksonville game! And David Buehler barely makes it from 22 yards? Insert Winston Wolf quote here. Seriously, he may be the worst kicker in the NFL and I just watched Nick Folk miss 21 field goals in Cleveland. Now Mike Jenkins is out of the game (joining fellow CB Terence Newman) but I don't know how much of a loss that is with the season he's having. Am I the only one wondering why Jacobs isn't in down here at the goal line? Oh dear. Someone screwed up on that and... is this guy gonna take it back? Yeah, that's partially on Nicks, who stopped, and partially on Eli, who threw it anyway. The Giants could use a touchdown here but they're not going to get it. The Cowboys just blew up the Giants' defense with that screen to Felix.
Wait, why are we going to San Francisco? It's not that big of a blowout. The POWER went out? That's the best thing that's happened to the Giants all day. I forgot how good Steven Jackson is.
And we're back. This game isn't over by any means if the Giants score a touchdown. Like so. You know who's terrible is Orlando Scandrick. Oh, that's why Buck was pointing out the stadium scoreboard — FOX doesn't have any graphics. Can't they just put a camera on the clock or something and show it in a window? Strange. This game is not over by any means, and with nobody left in a bad Cowboys' secondary and the Giants unable to stop giving up big plays, we could get to the 50s. Graphics are back. Seriously, I'm not sure if Bryant and Austin are that good or the Giants' corners are that bad, but they've looked very ordinary all night. And yet they're still in this game... well, until that happened. Wow, Eli, Jon Kitna's supposed to throw that pick. Bob Costas, at halftime of the Sunday night game, asks the question we've all been asking the best way I can think to ask it: "If this group, even without Tony Romo, is good enough to do what it did today for Jason Garrett, why weren't they professional enough to do anything at all for Wade Phillips?" (Cowboys 33, Giants 20)
That is also pass interference and the same thing Tony Gonzalez did against the Ravens on Thursday (stop to adjust to the pass, causing the defender to run into you). Can we trade the NFC West for the Pac-10? (49ers 23, Rams 20, OT)
When did the Broncos turn into the '99 Rams? Todd Haley and Josh McDaniels don't like each other? Shocking. (Broncos 49, Chiefs 29)
Belichick's 22-2 record after losses is pretty sick. GRONK. That hit on Ward was... dicey. Is the Patriots' punter really named Zoltan Mesko? They're doing sort of what the Falcons did to the Ravens — lots of short passes, not taking any chances deep. The Steelers are really missing Ward out there, as the young kids don't seem very polished, especially in the red zone. They're also not getting the consistency in the running game that they'd probably like. GRONK. Did Nick Folk fear for his job, drive from Cleveland to Pittsburgh, and abduct Jeff Reed at halftime? Or is that the end of Heinz Field that screws every kicker up? I can never remember which side it is. This thing's turning into a barnburner. Look at Brady with the spike and the primal scream. The Steelers have come unglued. You hear so much about Patriots-Colts, Patriots-Jets and Steelers-Ravens that you forget these teams really don't like each other either. The Steelers just ran into a buzz saw tonight. (Patriots 39, Steelers 26)
Fisticuffs! You heard? Apparently this was sparked by LaRon Landry talking smack to DeSean Jackson about his concussion at the end of pregame warmups, so Jackson may have taken that pass pattern to the middle and past Landry on purpose. Did Gruden really predict that double reverse? What's going on up there? This is basically how the Redskins started the first game. Moss needs to catch that ball. Seriously, nobody throws out of the Wildcat anymore. I guess the Eagles decided it was McCoy's turn. Are you kidding me? As an aside, I'd like to predict that this new running back the Redskins have breaks off a 100-yard game at some point during the season. JEROME HARRISON LIVES! This is absolute carnage. Maclin's turn? OK. Yeah, he's in if they say he hit the pylon before rolling out of bounds. So much for the shutout. Davis almost stumbled running down the sideline. I'm not sure it's wise for Stewart Bradley to basically come out and say, "We can't stop that play." Donovan's having flashbacks to the NFC title game loss to the Panthers. Are Devin Thomas and Malcolm Kelly still on the roster? I mean, the Redskins' second and third receivers are 206-year-old Joey Galloway and a 27-year-old rookie from the Arena League (who, to his credit, has had his moments as a Nate Washington-esque deep threat). They need to get the Banks kid they've got on return duty into their passing game; see what he can do. If I remember right, Gruden's Bucs were one of the few teams that had success slowing down Vick. Let's go easy on Donovan. He doesn't play defense. Of course, I'm not sure who on the Redskins does. Oh, look, Albert Haynesworth is flopping around on the ground like a beached whale. That's never happened before. Vick takes another one himself. Could they get to 70? Oh, a field goal? I love how everyone's getting involved. The Redskins got two first downs on a drive! I wonder what the D.C. equivalent of the Bronx cheer is. I also wonder if the Eagles are on the sideline checking to see who hasn't scored yet. Well it's high time the defense joined the party. Don't know why the Redskins are bothering to challenge this, and not even because they're probably going to lose... there's just no point. What this really is on the Redskins' side is seven years of terrible personnel decisions all coming home to roost in one night. For Vick, this performance is everything people hoped and wished he could become, and, for obvious reasons, no one ever thought we'd see anything close to this. Probably time to get the principals out of there for the evening... it's raining pretty steadily now and you don't want anyone getting hurt. Mark Rypien backed up Peyton Manning? When? Oh, now you don't put Rex Grossman in? Whatever. (Eagles 59, Redskins 28)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (4-6, L1): Lost to Dave, who became the first to clinch a playoff spot. Even so, I'm in a three-way tie for eighth (but out of the playoffs at the moment) and facing a fellow 4-6 team next week.
JackSux 7 (4-6, W1): It's good to have Tom Brady. He led the way as I beat the crap out of Russ (after winning our first meeting by only eight points) to stay in contention.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. New England (7-2) — Got Jeff Reed fired
2. N.Y. Jets (7-2) — This is really close. Plus they beat the Pats
3. Pittsburgh (6-3) — Patriots + home game = bad times
4. (tie) Atlanta (7-2) — Even though they've lost to...
4. (tie) Philadelphia (6-3) — Seriously, did you see what they did Monday night?
BOTTOM 4:
29. Dallas (2-7) — Well, it's... something
30. Buffalo (1-8) — This may be as good as it gets
31. Cincinnati (2-7) — It'll all be over soon
32. Carolina (1-8) — Now that I think about it... based on the last two years, would you hire John Fox?
Thursday, November 11, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: Absolutely Not Rocket Science
Signal Finder: NYJ @ DET; AZ @ MIN (Really, Channel 29? Really?); IND @ PHI
This is an... interesting choice of game. Braylon will be caught by no one on this bomb. Jason Hanson's still alive? Yeah, not after that, he's not. That play-action bootleg was a thing of beauty and a joy forever. Suh's kicking the extra point? CLANG. And he looks legitimately angry he missed it. Um... why not have the punter kick the PAT? Or is the punter the holder? (Forgive me for not knowing who the Detroit Lions' punter is.) Oh, Rex. Two time outs on back-to-back plays because you had 12 men on the field both times? You've hit a new low. Hey, Jim Schwartz, why are you calling a pass play on third down inside three minutes with the lead and an ice-cold backup quarterback in the game? Good thing Gus Johnson was here. Santonioooooooo. The Jets bailed Rex out today. The Lions' next order of business needs to be upgrading the offensive line because Stafford's too important to them to keep taking these beatings. If he doesn't go down (again) they probably win. (Jets 23, Lions 20, OT)
Ah, Vikings special teams. Why does Derek Anderson look competent? Put the flag down, Childress; it's a fumble. Ah, crap. The Vikings need a touchdown here and I'm not sure why they're not attacking the spot Darnell Dockett just left. I'm also not sure why the ball is anywhere near Jeff freakin' Dugan on fourth and goal from the 1. To go 81 yards in 16 plays and get absolutely nothing out of it... if this is how it ends, it almost seems appropriate. Or not, ad Favre seems to have reached down, grabbed whatever he's got left, and decided that he's not going out like that. Not this soon, at least. Right in Shiancoe's basket! Jared Allen lives! OVERTIME. That was Favre's career-high passing yards game? I find that impossible to believe. The Cardinals blowing a 14-point lead with four minutes left, on the other hand... that just feels like order being restored. (Vikings 27, Cardinals 24, OT)
I AM ERIC MANGINI'S ULTIMATE REVENGE. I did not see the post-game coaches' greeting. Did Mangini walk by Belichick and flip him off? (Browns 34, Patriots 14)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Brad Childress; 2. Jason Garrett; 3. The Seahawks' defense; 4. Wade Phillips; 5. Whoever the Chargers' special-teams coach has blackmail of
On the one hand, Reid's never lost after a bye week. On the other hand, Reid's never not been utterly demolished by Peyton Manning. SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE. Fun fact, kids: Michael Vick? No interceptions. What Colts uniforms are those? McCoy breaks off a 62-yarder on the first play from scrimmage, which means he'll get about nine more carries the whole game. The Eagles' red-zone offense looks like the Dolphins'. They also can't even cover backup tight ends. Seriously, Jacob Tamme is lighting them up. Oh man, Austin Collie's not moving at all. Here's the thing about that hit: At game speed, it's the right call because Hanson and Coleman hit him a split-second apart and it looks like Coleman led with his helmet. It's not until you slow it down that you see what actually happened — Hanson's hit bounced Collie into Coleman's path. Coleman wouldn't have hit Collie's helmet otherwise. Actually, the refs got that one wrong all the way around. That was a completed pass (as Collie caught the ball, turned upfield and took a step) and should have been a fumble. Also they called it on Mikell when he didn't deliver either hit. But that's not quite as important. This is Edge James' cousin, I've heard. I'm positive I've used the "I've seen fewer flags at the United Nations" line before but I'm breaking it out again because this is getting ridiculous for both sides. Bad challenge, Andy. Avant was out of bounds. Touchdown? Really? That's not even close. Throw that flag, Caldwell! Yeah, Vick didn't even sniff the goal line there. What's with the one guy trying to pull him backwards? I'm calling this right now: If the Eagles have to settle for another field goal here, they will lose. Well, Vick got that one. Is this game gonna end? When did the Yankees and Red Sox start playing football? OMG. That Punt, Pass, and Kick footage of Reid just blew my mind. Roughing the — how is THAT roughing the passer? Did he even touch Peyton because Peyton barely reacted to it, and he would have sold it like grim death if it was close enough. Am I the only one who thought, listening carefully to Phil Simms' opinion on that hit, that part of him really thinks it shouldn't have been called? Just from the way he said a few things. Touchdown Colts, and I will not be surprised at this point if the Eagles go ahead and blow it. The end around works twice in a row? How is that possible? Don't throw it, Mike! Remember the lessons of Drew Stanton! WOW you rarely see Peyton just airmail one like that. Ummm... I don't know what to say here. I've just witnessed a game the Eagles should have both won by 30 and lost, and they beat Peyton Manning for the first time ever doing it. I'm prepared for anything now. (Eagles 26, Colts 24)
And Chiefs-Raiders is still going on! Cable can't bench Campbell after this run, right? (Raiders 23, Chiefs 20, OT)
Collinsworth: "The Cowboys have gone back to basics, but they're basically bad." Is Clay Matthews already better than his dad ever was? (His dad — same name and position — was a baller in his own right, for those too young to remember.) Here's the only play you really need to see: On the James Jones touchdown, Mike Jenkins was bearing down on him, and once Jones caught the ball... Jenkins stopped and stood there and watched Jones run through two Cowboys attempting to tackle him and scored. There are no leaders on that roster. (Packers 45, Cowboys 7)
crosses off Bengals (Steelers 27, Bengals 21)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL Whiskey (4-5, W2): Used a rally on Monday night to beat Doom and move into a tie for seventh.
JackSux 7 (3-6, L1): It happened AGAIN! The first time I faced Johnny, he scored 157 points against me. This time, he scored 167.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Pittsburgh (6-2) — Defense leads the way again, as it should
2. N.Y. Jets (6-2) — Better to be lucky than good?
3. (tie) New England (6-2) — I know the Browns aren't historically bad anymore but... really? REALLY?
3. (tie) Indianapolis (5-3) — Marvin Harrison's a phone call away — and I'm not even kidding
3. (tie) Baltimore (6-2) — Not to be overlooked
BOTTOM 4:
29. Denver (2-6) — Should consider joining the WAC
30. Carolina (1-7) — A Tony Pike sighting? Dear Lord
31. Dallas (1-7) — Replacing Wade Phillips with Jason Garrett is like deciding you're tired of shooting yourself in the face with a .38 and switching to a .45
32. Buffalo (0-8) — Canada couldn't send them back fast enough
This is an... interesting choice of game. Braylon will be caught by no one on this bomb. Jason Hanson's still alive? Yeah, not after that, he's not. That play-action bootleg was a thing of beauty and a joy forever. Suh's kicking the extra point? CLANG. And he looks legitimately angry he missed it. Um... why not have the punter kick the PAT? Or is the punter the holder? (Forgive me for not knowing who the Detroit Lions' punter is.) Oh, Rex. Two time outs on back-to-back plays because you had 12 men on the field both times? You've hit a new low. Hey, Jim Schwartz, why are you calling a pass play on third down inside three minutes with the lead and an ice-cold backup quarterback in the game? Good thing Gus Johnson was here. Santonioooooooo. The Jets bailed Rex out today. The Lions' next order of business needs to be upgrading the offensive line because Stafford's too important to them to keep taking these beatings. If he doesn't go down (again) they probably win. (Jets 23, Lions 20, OT)
Ah, Vikings special teams. Why does Derek Anderson look competent? Put the flag down, Childress; it's a fumble. Ah, crap. The Vikings need a touchdown here and I'm not sure why they're not attacking the spot Darnell Dockett just left. I'm also not sure why the ball is anywhere near Jeff freakin' Dugan on fourth and goal from the 1. To go 81 yards in 16 plays and get absolutely nothing out of it... if this is how it ends, it almost seems appropriate. Or not, ad Favre seems to have reached down, grabbed whatever he's got left, and decided that he's not going out like that. Not this soon, at least. Right in Shiancoe's basket! Jared Allen lives! OVERTIME. That was Favre's career-high passing yards game? I find that impossible to believe. The Cardinals blowing a 14-point lead with four minutes left, on the other hand... that just feels like order being restored. (Vikings 27, Cardinals 24, OT)
I AM ERIC MANGINI'S ULTIMATE REVENGE. I did not see the post-game coaches' greeting. Did Mangini walk by Belichick and flip him off? (Browns 34, Patriots 14)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Brad Childress; 2. Jason Garrett; 3. The Seahawks' defense; 4. Wade Phillips; 5. Whoever the Chargers' special-teams coach has blackmail of
On the one hand, Reid's never lost after a bye week. On the other hand, Reid's never not been utterly demolished by Peyton Manning. SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE. Fun fact, kids: Michael Vick? No interceptions. What Colts uniforms are those? McCoy breaks off a 62-yarder on the first play from scrimmage, which means he'll get about nine more carries the whole game. The Eagles' red-zone offense looks like the Dolphins'. They also can't even cover backup tight ends. Seriously, Jacob Tamme is lighting them up. Oh man, Austin Collie's not moving at all. Here's the thing about that hit: At game speed, it's the right call because Hanson and Coleman hit him a split-second apart and it looks like Coleman led with his helmet. It's not until you slow it down that you see what actually happened — Hanson's hit bounced Collie into Coleman's path. Coleman wouldn't have hit Collie's helmet otherwise. Actually, the refs got that one wrong all the way around. That was a completed pass (as Collie caught the ball, turned upfield and took a step) and should have been a fumble. Also they called it on Mikell when he didn't deliver either hit. But that's not quite as important. This is Edge James' cousin, I've heard. I'm positive I've used the "I've seen fewer flags at the United Nations" line before but I'm breaking it out again because this is getting ridiculous for both sides. Bad challenge, Andy. Avant was out of bounds. Touchdown? Really? That's not even close. Throw that flag, Caldwell! Yeah, Vick didn't even sniff the goal line there. What's with the one guy trying to pull him backwards? I'm calling this right now: If the Eagles have to settle for another field goal here, they will lose. Well, Vick got that one. Is this game gonna end? When did the Yankees and Red Sox start playing football? OMG. That Punt, Pass, and Kick footage of Reid just blew my mind. Roughing the — how is THAT roughing the passer? Did he even touch Peyton because Peyton barely reacted to it, and he would have sold it like grim death if it was close enough. Am I the only one who thought, listening carefully to Phil Simms' opinion on that hit, that part of him really thinks it shouldn't have been called? Just from the way he said a few things. Touchdown Colts, and I will not be surprised at this point if the Eagles go ahead and blow it. The end around works twice in a row? How is that possible? Don't throw it, Mike! Remember the lessons of Drew Stanton! WOW you rarely see Peyton just airmail one like that. Ummm... I don't know what to say here. I've just witnessed a game the Eagles should have both won by 30 and lost, and they beat Peyton Manning for the first time ever doing it. I'm prepared for anything now. (Eagles 26, Colts 24)
And Chiefs-Raiders is still going on! Cable can't bench Campbell after this run, right? (Raiders 23, Chiefs 20, OT)
Collinsworth: "The Cowboys have gone back to basics, but they're basically bad." Is Clay Matthews already better than his dad ever was? (His dad — same name and position — was a baller in his own right, for those too young to remember.) Here's the only play you really need to see: On the James Jones touchdown, Mike Jenkins was bearing down on him, and once Jones caught the ball... Jenkins stopped and stood there and watched Jones run through two Cowboys attempting to tackle him and scored. There are no leaders on that roster. (Packers 45, Cowboys 7)
crosses off Bengals (Steelers 27, Bengals 21)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL Whiskey (4-5, W2): Used a rally on Monday night to beat Doom and move into a tie for seventh.
JackSux 7 (3-6, L1): It happened AGAIN! The first time I faced Johnny, he scored 157 points against me. This time, he scored 167.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Pittsburgh (6-2) — Defense leads the way again, as it should
2. N.Y. Jets (6-2) — Better to be lucky than good?
3. (tie) New England (6-2) — I know the Browns aren't historically bad anymore but... really? REALLY?
3. (tie) Indianapolis (5-3) — Marvin Harrison's a phone call away — and I'm not even kidding
3. (tie) Baltimore (6-2) — Not to be overlooked
BOTTOM 4:
29. Denver (2-6) — Should consider joining the WAC
30. Carolina (1-7) — A Tony Pike sighting? Dear Lord
31. Dallas (1-7) — Replacing Wade Phillips with Jason Garrett is like deciding you're tired of shooting yourself in the face with a .38 and switching to a .45
32. Buffalo (0-8) — Canada couldn't send them back fast enough
Thursday, November 4, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 8: Fear and Loathing in the Coach's Office
Signal Finder: GB@ NYJ, JAX @ DAL, BUF @ KC (end of regulation), MIN @ NE
I didn't do it after last week because I want to see how they react against an average-at-best team. I see Kitna's already thrown two interceptions in Jaguars territory. This Cowboys secondary is getting used and abused. When did Marcedes Lewis stop sucking? And has Garrard missed yet? (No.) Well, wait, this might be something. Kitna's actually completing consecutive passes to teammates. Nope, Austin was out of bounds there. Nice wheels, Jon. Nope, he didn't get in there either. What happened there? Oh. Kitna and Barber ran into each other on the handoff. And they're not going to get any points out of this and this game's probably over. crosses off Cowboys Is that a "Let's Go Rangers!" chant? That's gotta be a first for Texas. There's Garrard's first incompletion after 12 passes. And on the one after that he throws a touchdown. I'm watching this and I'm not enjoying this as much as I feel like I should, what with me hating the Cowboys and all. Because I know that theoretically they're supposed to be better than this, and knowing why they aren't just aggravates me as a sports fan and makes it less fun to watch them get beat down like this. I was struggling to articulate this until listening to Mike and Mike on Monday morning and Greenberg summed it up: "It's irritating watching them." (Jaguars 35, Cowboys 17)
So mercifully, Channel 3 sent us to this game and what I see stuns me. How is this game tied? Especially after Fitzpatrick threw a near-interception that it looked like Derrick Johnson was running the route on and just dropped. Then two plays later he chucks a wounded duck up there that falls right into Berry's hands. I am sad that I did not get to hear Gus Johnson call the game-winning field goal in overtime. Or even the two misses before it. (Chiefs 13, Bills 10, OT)
Fake punt! He's not gonna make it. Unless he is? challenge No, he's not. Nick Folk is back, ladies and gentlemen! Brick Hands Braylon appears to have resurfaced as well. I feel like what it is is that the Packers are playing better offense and defense than the Jets, but the Jets are defending well enough to keep things close. What, another simultaneous possession situation? How does that happen twice in one game? Seriously. And because Rex stupidly blew his second challenge the first time it happened, which was much more obviously an interception, the Jets can't challenge this one, either (and they probably would have lost anyway.) So when Rex called the fake punt in the first quarter, did he have a feeling in advance that points would be at a premium? Because if he did, pretty much nothing he did after that makes any sense in that context. I mean, his time management and use of challenges in this game was positively Martzian. God bless you if you made it all the way through this. Good job by the NFC to get one back, I guess. (Packers 9, Jets 0)
Wait, what? What happened to Donovan? Did that last sack take him out? Rex Grossman, ladies and gentlemen... Rex Grossman. game ends Wh... WHAT?!?!?!? Mike Shanahan's lost his fool mind. Did he say that he thought Rex Grossman was a better option to run the two-minute drill than McNabb? Did he actually say that? About Rex Grossman? Rex Grossman isn't a better option to mow my lawn!
Lost in all of this: It's the second straight year the Lions have beaten the Redskins. If only they could do it in Washington. (Lions 37, Redskins 25)
When did the 49ers even get Troy Smith? (49ers 24, Broncos 16)
One thing I'm not sure enough people are taking into account about the Vikings is that I can't think of a single player, besides Harvin or maybe AP with the ball protection, that's having as good a season as they had last year. For example, this offensive line. I mean, maybe try running Peterson to the left side of the line next time on the goal line, because going right hasn't worked all year. Favre's moving about as well as can be expected. It's almost halftime and we've heard Moss's name only twice or so since the game actually started, which is going to be a problem later. If I'm a future Vikings opponent, I'm throwing every wide receiver I have on every route possible against that Allen kid. Every time I see him, he's getting burned like toast in a frat house. WOODHEAD. Not Woodley or Woodhouse or anything other than that. By the way, that's Belichick sticking it to the Jets again: "You don't want him? Fine. We'll take him and make him our new Kevin Faulk." It's kind of crazy that the Vikings still have a real shot in this game. Oh, boy... it sure looked like Moss could have jumped for that one but he gave up on it after the flag came. Then Favre got drilled and they're showing him on the cart now and he looks completely out of it. Meanwhile, Tarvaris Jackson came in and threw a pass to the fullback in the flat and absolutely nobody on the Patriots saw him. He may not have been on the roster sheet. I'm not sure. The Vikings need to get the ball back but the Patriots aren't going to let them. This is that "four-minute drill" I seem to be hearing about nonstop these past couple weeks and the Pats are running the ball about as well as they've been all season. Is that a touchdown? Good thing he didn't land on his head. (Patriots 28, Vikings 18)
Seriously, is there a worse quarterback situation in the NFL than Arizona's? I imagine Matt Leinart's hanging out at Brian Cushing's place watching these highlights and saying, "See? This is what I'm talking about! Someone explain to me how they didn't think I could do better than that." Also, a week after making fun of Raheem Morris, I'm not so sure he's not right. (Buccaneers 38, Cardinals 35)
I will now rip myself off and reverse the placement of the Steelers in the following observation, which I made last year for a Steelers-Chargers Sunday night game: You know why the Saints won this game? Because they had to. (Saints 20, Steelers 10)
All right, whoever No. 26 is on the Texans — you know, the guy Peyton took out with a block on that sweet screen pass to Garcon in the second half — I don't think he can show his face in public anymore. (Colts 30, Texans 17)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (3-5, W1): Down a point going into Monday Night Football with Arian Foster against a team that's lost six in a row... yeah, I liked our chances, too.
JackSux 7 (3-5, W1): It's the second time through the schedule, and we scored about the same number of points we did in the first game against Dupin. The difference this time was that he scored 60 less. Now we've got ourselves a logjam with the top three teams at 5-3 and the bottom three at 3-5.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. New England (6-1) — Well, would you look at this
2. Pittsburgh (5-2) — A bump in the road
3. Indianapolis (5-2) — Revenge is best served quickly
4. N.Y. Jets (5-2) — Shot themselves in multiple feet
BOTTOM 4:
29. Denver (2-6) — At least Tebow scored again
30. Dallas (1-6) — Can't even get the little things right
31. Carolina (1-6) — Q rating is in the toilet
32. Buffalo (0-7) — Literally threw away a shot at an upset
I didn't do it after last week because I want to see how they react against an average-at-best team. I see Kitna's already thrown two interceptions in Jaguars territory. This Cowboys secondary is getting used and abused. When did Marcedes Lewis stop sucking? And has Garrard missed yet? (No.) Well, wait, this might be something. Kitna's actually completing consecutive passes to teammates. Nope, Austin was out of bounds there. Nice wheels, Jon. Nope, he didn't get in there either. What happened there? Oh. Kitna and Barber ran into each other on the handoff. And they're not going to get any points out of this and this game's probably over. crosses off Cowboys Is that a "Let's Go Rangers!" chant? That's gotta be a first for Texas. There's Garrard's first incompletion after 12 passes. And on the one after that he throws a touchdown. I'm watching this and I'm not enjoying this as much as I feel like I should, what with me hating the Cowboys and all. Because I know that theoretically they're supposed to be better than this, and knowing why they aren't just aggravates me as a sports fan and makes it less fun to watch them get beat down like this. I was struggling to articulate this until listening to Mike and Mike on Monday morning and Greenberg summed it up: "It's irritating watching them." (Jaguars 35, Cowboys 17)
So mercifully, Channel 3 sent us to this game and what I see stuns me. How is this game tied? Especially after Fitzpatrick threw a near-interception that it looked like Derrick Johnson was running the route on and just dropped. Then two plays later he chucks a wounded duck up there that falls right into Berry's hands. I am sad that I did not get to hear Gus Johnson call the game-winning field goal in overtime. Or even the two misses before it. (Chiefs 13, Bills 10, OT)
Fake punt! He's not gonna make it. Unless he is? challenge No, he's not. Nick Folk is back, ladies and gentlemen! Brick Hands Braylon appears to have resurfaced as well. I feel like what it is is that the Packers are playing better offense and defense than the Jets, but the Jets are defending well enough to keep things close. What, another simultaneous possession situation? How does that happen twice in one game? Seriously. And because Rex stupidly blew his second challenge the first time it happened, which was much more obviously an interception, the Jets can't challenge this one, either (and they probably would have lost anyway.) So when Rex called the fake punt in the first quarter, did he have a feeling in advance that points would be at a premium? Because if he did, pretty much nothing he did after that makes any sense in that context. I mean, his time management and use of challenges in this game was positively Martzian. God bless you if you made it all the way through this. Good job by the NFC to get one back, I guess. (Packers 9, Jets 0)
Wait, what? What happened to Donovan? Did that last sack take him out? Rex Grossman, ladies and gentlemen... Rex Grossman. game ends Wh... WHAT?!?!?!? Mike Shanahan's lost his fool mind. Did he say that he thought Rex Grossman was a better option to run the two-minute drill than McNabb? Did he actually say that? About Rex Grossman? Rex Grossman isn't a better option to mow my lawn!
Lost in all of this: It's the second straight year the Lions have beaten the Redskins. If only they could do it in Washington. (Lions 37, Redskins 25)
When did the 49ers even get Troy Smith? (49ers 24, Broncos 16)
One thing I'm not sure enough people are taking into account about the Vikings is that I can't think of a single player, besides Harvin or maybe AP with the ball protection, that's having as good a season as they had last year. For example, this offensive line. I mean, maybe try running Peterson to the left side of the line next time on the goal line, because going right hasn't worked all year. Favre's moving about as well as can be expected. It's almost halftime and we've heard Moss's name only twice or so since the game actually started, which is going to be a problem later. If I'm a future Vikings opponent, I'm throwing every wide receiver I have on every route possible against that Allen kid. Every time I see him, he's getting burned like toast in a frat house. WOODHEAD. Not Woodley or Woodhouse or anything other than that. By the way, that's Belichick sticking it to the Jets again: "You don't want him? Fine. We'll take him and make him our new Kevin Faulk." It's kind of crazy that the Vikings still have a real shot in this game. Oh, boy... it sure looked like Moss could have jumped for that one but he gave up on it after the flag came. Then Favre got drilled and they're showing him on the cart now and he looks completely out of it. Meanwhile, Tarvaris Jackson came in and threw a pass to the fullback in the flat and absolutely nobody on the Patriots saw him. He may not have been on the roster sheet. I'm not sure. The Vikings need to get the ball back but the Patriots aren't going to let them. This is that "four-minute drill" I seem to be hearing about nonstop these past couple weeks and the Pats are running the ball about as well as they've been all season. Is that a touchdown? Good thing he didn't land on his head. (Patriots 28, Vikings 18)
Seriously, is there a worse quarterback situation in the NFL than Arizona's? I imagine Matt Leinart's hanging out at Brian Cushing's place watching these highlights and saying, "See? This is what I'm talking about! Someone explain to me how they didn't think I could do better than that." Also, a week after making fun of Raheem Morris, I'm not so sure he's not right. (Buccaneers 38, Cardinals 35)
I will now rip myself off and reverse the placement of the Steelers in the following observation, which I made last year for a Steelers-Chargers Sunday night game: You know why the Saints won this game? Because they had to. (Saints 20, Steelers 10)
All right, whoever No. 26 is on the Texans — you know, the guy Peyton took out with a block on that sweet screen pass to Garcon in the second half — I don't think he can show his face in public anymore. (Colts 30, Texans 17)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (3-5, W1): Down a point going into Monday Night Football with Arian Foster against a team that's lost six in a row... yeah, I liked our chances, too.
JackSux 7 (3-5, W1): It's the second time through the schedule, and we scored about the same number of points we did in the first game against Dupin. The difference this time was that he scored 60 less. Now we've got ourselves a logjam with the top three teams at 5-3 and the bottom three at 3-5.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. New England (6-1) — Well, would you look at this
2. Pittsburgh (5-2) — A bump in the road
3. Indianapolis (5-2) — Revenge is best served quickly
4. N.Y. Jets (5-2) — Shot themselves in multiple feet
BOTTOM 4:
29. Denver (2-6) — At least Tebow scored again
30. Dallas (1-6) — Can't even get the little things right
31. Carolina (1-6) — Q rating is in the toilet
32. Buffalo (0-7) — Literally threw away a shot at an upset
Saturday, October 30, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: Late Shifts
(Apologies for how late this is; all the overtime I've been working this month finally caught up to me.)
Signal Finder: PHI @ TEN, PIT @ MIA, BUF @ BAL (end regulation), NE @ SD
Here's the thing: Once the official signals touchdown, the play's over. And the only way the Dolphins would have gotten the ball is if the officials had made the correct call the first time — even if they'd said Ben was down by contact at the 1 or whatever, if you review that, you end up with the same result. I don't know. It's tough. Of course, the Dolphins make it a moot point by running one of the saddest two-minute drills I've ever seen. Mike Tomlin: "We will take it and exit stage left." (Steelers 23, Dolphins 22)
DeAngelo Hall:Jay Cutler::Ronde Barber:Donovan McNabb::Ty Law:Peyton Manning. Discuss. (Redskins 17, Bears 14)
Kerry Collins? This ought to be... interesting. Fumble! Interception? Well that was pointless. Anybody else dizzy after the modified flea-flicker to Cooper (who could have a future as a poor man's Ed McCaffrey)? Oh no. Good job by Anonymous Titans Lineman No. 2 to blow that play up three yards behind the line — that handoff had no chance. And it turns into a six-point swing and possibly more. Nice return by the rookie Jorrick Calvin (who'll be filling in for DeSean Jackson in the return game.) Figuring out how to stop Kenny Britt would help, y'know? And there he is loose in the secondary again. And again. And AGAIN. I'd suggest modifying the coverage but it may be too late at this point. I would like to point out that the game was actually much closer than the final score. The Eagles' game plan defensively was to make somebody not named Chris Johnson beat them... and that's exactly what happened. (Titans 37, Eagles 19)
Fun fact: The Browns have beaten the reigning Super Bowl champion in each of the last three seasons. (Browns 30, Saints 17)
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Ravens 37, Bills 34, OT
Are you kidding me with that kickoff? Did that even cross midfield? OK, let's... let's decipher this one. Guy makes the catch, goes down, gets up, starts clapping, and a Patriot picks up the loose ball because he was never ruled down?! The Chargers are becoming the AFC's Cowboys. Seriously, guys, PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The Chargers have made some absolutely fatal mistakes in the first half and are miraculously only down by 10. I'm not sure what that means. The days of the 30-40-yard pass play in New England appear to be over. If the Chargers can work their way to a touchdown here, they're still in this game. And there it is. More so than ever, this offense needs Gates to be its rock. Onside kick! Is this happening? I don't recognize these people. Ajiri-what? If the Patriots manage to blow this... Going for it on 4th and short in your own territory again, Belichick? Calling a terrible play while going for it on 4th and short in your own territory again, Belichick? (Seriously, a handoff three yards deep in your backfield on 4th and 2 when you can't run the ball is Not Smart.) A false start? Way to make the kicker's job even harder. CLANG! Ladies and gentlemen, Kris Brown, the least clutch kicker EVER. (Patriots 23, Chargers 20)
You know how I said earlier that the Eagles-Titans game was closer than the score indicated? This one was the exact opposite. The Raiders shouldn't be doing that to anyone. And how does Tom Cable not run the score up here? Is he not the complete jackass I thought he was? (Raiders 59, Broncos 14)
Um, why isn't Childress challenging this one? Anybody? Bernard Berrian lives! I don't think he got in. You see that, Childress? That's what you do when a crucial call on the field looks questionable. That's close. OK, they've probably just delayed the inevitable but whatever. What, again? Ohhhh, I don't know about that one. That's a lot like the Calvin Johnson play in Week 1 that the Lions didn't get and that's why this one got overturned also. The league needs to clarify that or something. It's like both defenses showed up at the start of the game, left, came back just before halftime and have now left again. GUNSLINGER. Seriously, who was that to? We've seen a couple of really bad kickoffs today. Favre can barely walk out there right now. He might have to come out. I love how there are three Packers in the vicinity and no one even thought to put a body on Moss. And the defenses are back in the building. TOUCHDO- hang on, no. That's not a touchdown. They're reviewing this, right? Oh, good. Yeah, Harvin's second foot is clearly out of bounds. (Packers 28, Vikings 24)
Let's see if this Cowboys team has anything resembling a backbone. That's an encouraging start and a rare forced turnover. The Giants are struggling at the outset. Did Coughlin really burn both his challenges in the first quarter? Dez! When the ball's inside the 10 you're supposed to signal fair catch and run away from — oh, snap. Interesting that Brandon Jacobs seems to have settled down and accepted his new role as the complementary guy. I turn away and five minutes later it's 21-20 Giants and Romo's down on the turf looking like a chalk outline. The linebacker came in untouched! That's just not right. Thirty-one unanswered! I'd say we're essentially witnessing a live execution but the victims have clearly left the building. They're not even trying anymore. Eli's numbers will look really good but his receivers let him down a few times — at least two of the picks he threw went right through his guys' hands. Hmmm. Fourth and goal from the 6, down 18, 8:30 left, and the worst kicker in the league is on your roster, making this far from a lock. Do you go for it? Apparently. What the... now we've had three turnovers in the span of six plays. This is getting ugly. Didn't this exact same thing happen in San Diego yesterday? That field goal should seal it. Or not, as Felix Jones just outran almost every Giant defender on the field. Seriously, this can't happen. Phew. I mean, the Cowboys just didn't deserve to win after quitting for most of the second half. (Giants 41, Cowboys 35)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (2-5, L1): The Ryan Mathews situation is crippling me. As is the fact that the rest of my team also sucks.
JackSux 7 (2-5, L1): And it happens AGAIN. Rob's brother got his second-best point total of the season against me.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (5-1) — It doesn't get any easier
2. Pittsburgh (5-1) — It's like he never left
3. New England (5-1) — Warts and all, they're still not an easy out
4. Baltimore (5-2) — Ed Reed's return is a big lift
BOTTOM 4:
29. Carolina (1-5) - Well, it's something
30. Dallas (1-5) - Truly a rudderless ship
31. San Francisco (1-5) - It's rare to find two No. 1 overall quarterback busts on the same roster
32. Buffalo (0-6) - Showing a pulse?
Signal Finder: PHI @ TEN, PIT @ MIA, BUF @ BAL (end regulation), NE @ SD
Here's the thing: Once the official signals touchdown, the play's over. And the only way the Dolphins would have gotten the ball is if the officials had made the correct call the first time — even if they'd said Ben was down by contact at the 1 or whatever, if you review that, you end up with the same result. I don't know. It's tough. Of course, the Dolphins make it a moot point by running one of the saddest two-minute drills I've ever seen. Mike Tomlin: "We will take it and exit stage left." (Steelers 23, Dolphins 22)
DeAngelo Hall:Jay Cutler::Ronde Barber:Donovan McNabb::Ty Law:Peyton Manning. Discuss. (Redskins 17, Bears 14)
Kerry Collins? This ought to be... interesting. Fumble! Interception? Well that was pointless. Anybody else dizzy after the modified flea-flicker to Cooper (who could have a future as a poor man's Ed McCaffrey)? Oh no. Good job by Anonymous Titans Lineman No. 2 to blow that play up three yards behind the line — that handoff had no chance. And it turns into a six-point swing and possibly more. Nice return by the rookie Jorrick Calvin (who'll be filling in for DeSean Jackson in the return game.) Figuring out how to stop Kenny Britt would help, y'know? And there he is loose in the secondary again. And again. And AGAIN. I'd suggest modifying the coverage but it may be too late at this point. I would like to point out that the game was actually much closer than the final score. The Eagles' game plan defensively was to make somebody not named Chris Johnson beat them... and that's exactly what happened. (Titans 37, Eagles 19)
Fun fact: The Browns have beaten the reigning Super Bowl champion in each of the last three seasons. (Browns 30, Saints 17)
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Ravens 37, Bills 34, OT
Are you kidding me with that kickoff? Did that even cross midfield? OK, let's... let's decipher this one. Guy makes the catch, goes down, gets up, starts clapping, and a Patriot picks up the loose ball because he was never ruled down?! The Chargers are becoming the AFC's Cowboys. Seriously, guys, PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The Chargers have made some absolutely fatal mistakes in the first half and are miraculously only down by 10. I'm not sure what that means. The days of the 30-40-yard pass play in New England appear to be over. If the Chargers can work their way to a touchdown here, they're still in this game. And there it is. More so than ever, this offense needs Gates to be its rock. Onside kick! Is this happening? I don't recognize these people. Ajiri-what? If the Patriots manage to blow this... Going for it on 4th and short in your own territory again, Belichick? Calling a terrible play while going for it on 4th and short in your own territory again, Belichick? (Seriously, a handoff three yards deep in your backfield on 4th and 2 when you can't run the ball is Not Smart.) A false start? Way to make the kicker's job even harder. CLANG! Ladies and gentlemen, Kris Brown, the least clutch kicker EVER. (Patriots 23, Chargers 20)
You know how I said earlier that the Eagles-Titans game was closer than the score indicated? This one was the exact opposite. The Raiders shouldn't be doing that to anyone. And how does Tom Cable not run the score up here? Is he not the complete jackass I thought he was? (Raiders 59, Broncos 14)
Um, why isn't Childress challenging this one? Anybody? Bernard Berrian lives! I don't think he got in. You see that, Childress? That's what you do when a crucial call on the field looks questionable. That's close. OK, they've probably just delayed the inevitable but whatever. What, again? Ohhhh, I don't know about that one. That's a lot like the Calvin Johnson play in Week 1 that the Lions didn't get and that's why this one got overturned also. The league needs to clarify that or something. It's like both defenses showed up at the start of the game, left, came back just before halftime and have now left again. GUNSLINGER. Seriously, who was that to? We've seen a couple of really bad kickoffs today. Favre can barely walk out there right now. He might have to come out. I love how there are three Packers in the vicinity and no one even thought to put a body on Moss. And the defenses are back in the building. TOUCHDO- hang on, no. That's not a touchdown. They're reviewing this, right? Oh, good. Yeah, Harvin's second foot is clearly out of bounds. (Packers 28, Vikings 24)
Let's see if this Cowboys team has anything resembling a backbone. That's an encouraging start and a rare forced turnover. The Giants are struggling at the outset. Did Coughlin really burn both his challenges in the first quarter? Dez! When the ball's inside the 10 you're supposed to signal fair catch and run away from — oh, snap. Interesting that Brandon Jacobs seems to have settled down and accepted his new role as the complementary guy. I turn away and five minutes later it's 21-20 Giants and Romo's down on the turf looking like a chalk outline. The linebacker came in untouched! That's just not right. Thirty-one unanswered! I'd say we're essentially witnessing a live execution but the victims have clearly left the building. They're not even trying anymore. Eli's numbers will look really good but his receivers let him down a few times — at least two of the picks he threw went right through his guys' hands. Hmmm. Fourth and goal from the 6, down 18, 8:30 left, and the worst kicker in the league is on your roster, making this far from a lock. Do you go for it? Apparently. What the... now we've had three turnovers in the span of six plays. This is getting ugly. Didn't this exact same thing happen in San Diego yesterday? That field goal should seal it. Or not, as Felix Jones just outran almost every Giant defender on the field. Seriously, this can't happen. Phew. I mean, the Cowboys just didn't deserve to win after quitting for most of the second half. (Giants 41, Cowboys 35)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (2-5, L1): The Ryan Mathews situation is crippling me. As is the fact that the rest of my team also sucks.
JackSux 7 (2-5, L1): And it happens AGAIN. Rob's brother got his second-best point total of the season against me.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (5-1) — It doesn't get any easier
2. Pittsburgh (5-1) — It's like he never left
3. New England (5-1) — Warts and all, they're still not an easy out
4. Baltimore (5-2) — Ed Reed's return is a big lift
BOTTOM 4:
29. Carolina (1-5) - Well, it's something
30. Dallas (1-5) - Truly a rudderless ship
31. San Francisco (1-5) - It's rare to find two No. 1 overall quarterback busts on the same roster
32. Buffalo (0-6) - Showing a pulse?
Thursday, October 21, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 6: Land Crashing
Signal Finder: ATL @ PHI, DAL @ MIN, NYJ @ DEN
I have no idea what to expect any more. That's a good start. What we're seeing here also is the Falcons' pass defense still not being quite up to par. I mean, how do you let DeSean Jackson get that open? cringes Well that'll put a stop to that. Like I've said before, you know it's serious when even the slow-motion replay looks like it hurts. It's almost a miracle that neither guy needed to be carted off. Did Maclin's knee hit? Yep. OK. Now we've got two drive-killing tipped passes for interceptions at both ends of the field. Moore's navigating this runback like a punt return. Siragusa: "I dunno; I don't think you can call a horse-collar on a quarterback." Also, finding out that Moose married a woman from Philly is kind of like John Elway's current wife being a former Raiders cheerleader... it's just not right. The other problem is that the Eagles were about to bury the Falcons and now they're on the board. You know whose name I haven't heard much today is Michael Turner. Four missed field goals at the same end? When did this game get moved to Heinz Field? The deep pass to Maclin off the fake end around was pretty sweet. Kolb was sharp today and has given Andy another problem to deal with, and I'm struggling to remember the last quarterback situation to be thrown into utter chaos in this specific manner. (Eagles 31, Falcons 17)
I remain surprised that the Seahawks managed to get more than a couple of tackling sleds for Deion Branch for all the good he did them. Just keep throwing, Ravens — that's how you beat these guys. Looking at it again, Brandon Meriwether's lucky he didn't get thrown out of the game for that. Leaving your feet and driving your helmet into the receiver's after the ball's past you? That's B.S. Part of why Branch has seven catches already is that he doesn't command the double- and triple-teams that Moss did. How did Danny Woodhead end up as the Pats' leading rusher in this game? If Branch doesn't pick up that first down this game might end in a tie. Well that took long enough. I was kind of hoping for a tie here just to see the playoff scenario calculator explode two months from now. (Patriots 23, Ravens 20, OT)
The larger development here is that Colt McCoy got out alive. Didn't Mike Holmgren say he wasn't going to play this year? (Steelers 28, Browns 10)
Man, Sanchez's interceptionless streak was living on borrowed time anyway (and the Broncos dropped two on the first two drives before that one). I see being traded still hasn't given Laurence Maroney the ability to run downhill. Tim Tebow lives! Somewhere, Urban Meyer is sighing wistfully. I feel like the Broncos' running game is suffering for the same reason the Cowboys have trouble — they use too many guys and don't use them effectively and in the right situations, and in Denver's case, they all do similar things. When it rains, it pours. So Prater hits from 59 but misses from 49? Whatever. How is Orton having this season with Brandon Lloyd and Jabar Gaffney as his starting wide receivers? That... was a penalty. SCORE. What was that? Where was that snap on the field goal in the first quarter? (Jets 24, Broncos 20)
Clearly, Mike Singletary needs to threaten to bench Alex Smith during the third quarter every week. (49ers 17, Raiders 6)
I may put the loser here in "Act of God" territory. Favre's getting pounded already. So who's that fumble on — Peterson or Favre? Greg Camarillo? Really? OK, if you say so. OMG. You idiots got flagged for the same thing LAST WEEK! Then Austin gets a touchdown taken away from him for pushing down a defender he already had beaten. (About five minutes in real time later, someone in the Jets-Broncos game also got called for offensive pass interference. Clearly the avenues of communication got cut off, as that penalty is called once and only once a week.) I know I criticized the Cowboys for throwing too much last week, but why wouldn't you this week with the Vikings down two corners? That's not usually as easy as Harvin made that look. That this game is tied at this point seems... appropriate, somehow. What E.J. Henderson did to Romo is reminding me of a Seahawks-Eagles game a few years back when Lofa Tatupu picked off A.J. Feeley like 16 times or something. And there's the go-ahead field goal. If I were a Vikings fan, I'd be thanking God every night I hit my knees that they play in the NFC. (Vikings 24, Cowboys 21)
What the... did the Raiders kidnap the Colts, steal their jerseys, and fly to Washington? I'm no longer sure who has worse hands: the Redskins' receivers or their defensive backs. Fun fact: This is the closest Donovan McNabb has ever come to beating Peyton Manning. (Colts 27, Redskins 24)
You know, the Titans are pretty good. (Titans 30, Jaguars 3)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (2-4, W1): Or, the NFC, as Max points out that seven teams are 4-2.
JackSux 7 (2-4, W1): Finally, a complete team effort.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (5-1) — Resourceful — and a little lucky — to the end
2. Pittsburgh (4-1) — It's like he never left
3. New England (4-1) — Warts and all, they're still not an easy out
4. Baltimore (4-2) — That didn't end so well
BOTTOM 4:
29. Dallas (1-4) - C'MON, MAN!
30. Cleveland (1-5) - At least they're scoring touchdowns this year
31. Carolina (0-5) - I hope John Fox has a moving van reserved
32. Buffalo (0-5) - Still managed to lose by nine
I have no idea what to expect any more. That's a good start. What we're seeing here also is the Falcons' pass defense still not being quite up to par. I mean, how do you let DeSean Jackson get that open? cringes Well that'll put a stop to that. Like I've said before, you know it's serious when even the slow-motion replay looks like it hurts. It's almost a miracle that neither guy needed to be carted off. Did Maclin's knee hit? Yep. OK. Now we've got two drive-killing tipped passes for interceptions at both ends of the field. Moore's navigating this runback like a punt return. Siragusa: "I dunno; I don't think you can call a horse-collar on a quarterback." Also, finding out that Moose married a woman from Philly is kind of like John Elway's current wife being a former Raiders cheerleader... it's just not right. The other problem is that the Eagles were about to bury the Falcons and now they're on the board. You know whose name I haven't heard much today is Michael Turner. Four missed field goals at the same end? When did this game get moved to Heinz Field? The deep pass to Maclin off the fake end around was pretty sweet. Kolb was sharp today and has given Andy another problem to deal with, and I'm struggling to remember the last quarterback situation to be thrown into utter chaos in this specific manner. (Eagles 31, Falcons 17)
I remain surprised that the Seahawks managed to get more than a couple of tackling sleds for Deion Branch for all the good he did them. Just keep throwing, Ravens — that's how you beat these guys. Looking at it again, Brandon Meriwether's lucky he didn't get thrown out of the game for that. Leaving your feet and driving your helmet into the receiver's after the ball's past you? That's B.S. Part of why Branch has seven catches already is that he doesn't command the double- and triple-teams that Moss did. How did Danny Woodhead end up as the Pats' leading rusher in this game? If Branch doesn't pick up that first down this game might end in a tie. Well that took long enough. I was kind of hoping for a tie here just to see the playoff scenario calculator explode two months from now. (Patriots 23, Ravens 20, OT)
The larger development here is that Colt McCoy got out alive. Didn't Mike Holmgren say he wasn't going to play this year? (Steelers 28, Browns 10)
Man, Sanchez's interceptionless streak was living on borrowed time anyway (and the Broncos dropped two on the first two drives before that one). I see being traded still hasn't given Laurence Maroney the ability to run downhill. Tim Tebow lives! Somewhere, Urban Meyer is sighing wistfully. I feel like the Broncos' running game is suffering for the same reason the Cowboys have trouble — they use too many guys and don't use them effectively and in the right situations, and in Denver's case, they all do similar things. When it rains, it pours. So Prater hits from 59 but misses from 49? Whatever. How is Orton having this season with Brandon Lloyd and Jabar Gaffney as his starting wide receivers? That... was a penalty. SCORE. What was that? Where was that snap on the field goal in the first quarter? (Jets 24, Broncos 20)
Clearly, Mike Singletary needs to threaten to bench Alex Smith during the third quarter every week. (49ers 17, Raiders 6)
I may put the loser here in "Act of God" territory. Favre's getting pounded already. So who's that fumble on — Peterson or Favre? Greg Camarillo? Really? OK, if you say so. OMG. You idiots got flagged for the same thing LAST WEEK! Then Austin gets a touchdown taken away from him for pushing down a defender he already had beaten. (About five minutes in real time later, someone in the Jets-Broncos game also got called for offensive pass interference. Clearly the avenues of communication got cut off, as that penalty is called once and only once a week.) I know I criticized the Cowboys for throwing too much last week, but why wouldn't you this week with the Vikings down two corners? That's not usually as easy as Harvin made that look. That this game is tied at this point seems... appropriate, somehow. What E.J. Henderson did to Romo is reminding me of a Seahawks-Eagles game a few years back when Lofa Tatupu picked off A.J. Feeley like 16 times or something. And there's the go-ahead field goal. If I were a Vikings fan, I'd be thanking God every night I hit my knees that they play in the NFC. (Vikings 24, Cowboys 21)
What the... did the Raiders kidnap the Colts, steal their jerseys, and fly to Washington? I'm no longer sure who has worse hands: the Redskins' receivers or their defensive backs. Fun fact: This is the closest Donovan McNabb has ever come to beating Peyton Manning. (Colts 27, Redskins 24)
You know, the Titans are pretty good. (Titans 30, Jaguars 3)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (2-4, W1): Or, the NFC, as Max points out that seven teams are 4-2.
JackSux 7 (2-4, W1): Finally, a complete team effort.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (5-1) — Resourceful — and a little lucky — to the end
2. Pittsburgh (4-1) — It's like he never left
3. New England (4-1) — Warts and all, they're still not an easy out
4. Baltimore (4-2) — That didn't end so well
BOTTOM 4:
29. Dallas (1-4) - C'MON, MAN!
30. Cleveland (1-5) - At least they're scoring touchdowns this year
31. Carolina (0-5) - I hope John Fox has a moving van reserved
32. Buffalo (0-5) - Still managed to lose by nine
Friday, October 15, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: The Artistry of Escape
Signal Finder: DEN @ BAL, WSH @ GB, TEN @ DAL
That's such a Bengals way to lose. What's happened to Carson Palmer? My God. (Buccaneers 24, Bengals 21)
I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Bears 23, Panthers 6
Well, there's an inauspicious beginning. What happened to Portis? Hey Packers, why didn't you kick the field goal? You go 85 yards down the field, you should really score. Just sayin'. And now the Packers are running out of bodies — I'm not sure they even have a tight end left. This Armstrong kid has basically become the Redskins' version of what Nate Washington was when he was with the Steelers; a guy you send down the field and throw a bomb to once a game that always hits. CLANG! Man, Crosby's fallen pretty far since his rookie year. And now if you're the Redskins, you're close enough that you can throw one up there and hope to get lucky with a flag or something. Or, you know, that can happen. Tackling him would be something to consider. Are you kidding me? Oh, OK. If Williams had brought that all the way back that might have been the most crushing defeat... well, ever, considering the circumstances. You know who's finally good is LaRon Landry. Good win for the Redskins, especially when you consider the fact that they've lost this exact game about 26 times in the last seven years. (Redskins 16, Packers 13, OT)
How many times did the Cowboys get called for pass interference on that first drive? Three? ESPN's Tim MacMahon: "Well, the Cowboys trail by 10 with 5:22 remaining in the first quarter. Time for Jason Garrett to abandon the run." Nice escape by Chris Johnson. Wow, it looks like that pass was actually intended for Bo Scaife but Kenny Britt caught it. Not only is Miles Austin the real deal after all, but something's lit a fire under Roy Williams also, as he's actually not terrible this year. Even scarier is that the Cowboys seem to have finally figured out that Felix Jones is their best back. On the flip side, David Buehler's making Cowboys fans miss Nick Folk. Mike Jenkins' play at cornerback today is reminding me of the salad days of Kevin Smith. He's been terrible. I've never heard of any of the Titans' defensive linemen but they're just wrecking the Cowboys — all three of Romo's picks came on balls tipped at the line, and the offensive line's been getting shredded all day today. This one might be over after that last one. Or not, as they've found Jason Witten in the end zone. I mean... whatever you think of the NFL's crackdown on celebrations, a rule's a rule. You know you're not supposed to go to the ground. You know that. This is why I don't believe in the Cowboys and wouldn't even if I didn't hate them with the passion of a thousand suns. You saw that graphic that said they're the second-most penalized team in the league behind the Raiders since 2006, right? The yardage they've lost today basically canceled out Miles Austin. Touchdown Titans! No, Phil Simms, the Titans didn't win because they made more big plays. The Titans won because they're not terminally stupid. (Titans 34, Cowboys 27)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Brett Favre (and that was even before this happened); 2. The Chargers' special teams coordinator; 3. The guy on the Chargers who tried to scoop up the Rivers fumble that led to the Raiders' game-sealing touchdown; 4. Mike Jenkins; 5. Carson Palmer.
Toss-Up! Who will be more gainfully employed in two years: Ken Whisenhunt or Matt Leinart? Which quarterback's near-decapitation was more painful to watch: Max Hall's or Pat White's? Which throw was worse: Drew Brees' last one or Orlando Cabrera's first one? (Cardinals 30, Saints 20; Phillies 4, Reds 0)
Okay, kick coverage is starting to become an issue. Kolb looks much more comfortable than last week, which illustrates just how different the offensive game plan is with him versus with Vick (and also that two quarterbacks with such vastly different styles probably can't function long term as starter and backup, in whichever order you want to put them in.) They seem to be calling more of the short stuff that Kolb was checking down to last week, which helps. Hey, a Brian Westbrook sighting! You know who's good is LeSean McCoy. When did Trevor Laws stop sucking? Singletary is INSANE WITH ANGER. The fans chanting "We want Carr" are just insane. You want to replace one No. 1 overall bust for another one? You really want to do that? I think Smith just told Carr to go back to the sideline. Did I see that? Uh-oh. Didn't this happen against the Lions? Don't do anything stupid here, Kevin. Interception! This did happen against the Lions. Let's get out of here without making any sudden movements. (Eagles 27, 49ers 24)
LIGHTNING! All right, we'll wait. Here's a fun fact: Not only is Randy Moss the second player to play on back-to-back Monday Night Football games for two different teams (the immortal Keith Browner is the other), but barring injury, he's in line to be the only player who will play in 17 regular-season games this year. Is it wise to send a gimpy Brett Favre out on a trick play with Moss throwing it? (Also, that only works against the Giants.) Seriously, between that and how little Peterson's being used, it's almost like the Vikings flew Jason Garrett in to call their plays. Jets are scuffling on offense (Braylon has the drops again) but the Vikings look worse. Favre keeps grabbing his arm. He looks like a 41-year-old man playing quarterback in the NFL, and there haven't been many of those. See, that's how that's supposed to work. No need for tricky role reversals. LDT and Greene have been having their way with the Vikings' run defense. It's kind of sick. Revis looks hobbled tonight and the Jets have not been able to find Harvin to stop him. Um, Rex, why are you even calling a pass play there? You're lucky you got to two minutes. The irony is that Harvin might have had a shot at that one had he not altered his route by knocking Revis to the ground. Gee, that's never happened before. Though it was more "nice play by Lowery" than "bad throw by Favre." But still. (Jets 29, Vikings 20)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL (1-4, L1): Well, at least we didn't set a new all-time lowest score.
JackSux 7 (1-4, L2): I seem to be catching everybody on their best week, as I've had 40 more points scored against me than the next team.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (4-1) — Can Tomlinson keep this up?
2. Baltimore (4-1) — Offense starting to gel
3. Pittsburgh (3-1) — Welcome back(?), Ben
4. Atlanta (4-1) — Just doing what needs to be done
BOTTOM 4:
29. Cleveland (1-4) - At least they're scoring touchdowns this year
30. San Francisco (0-5) - The best 0-5 team ever?
31. Carolina (0-5) - Honestly, it's probably time to trade Steve Smith
32. Buffalo (0-5) - Jaguars-Bills: NO BUYS!
That's such a Bengals way to lose. What's happened to Carson Palmer? My God. (Buccaneers 24, Bengals 21)
I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Bears 23, Panthers 6
Well, there's an inauspicious beginning. What happened to Portis? Hey Packers, why didn't you kick the field goal? You go 85 yards down the field, you should really score. Just sayin'. And now the Packers are running out of bodies — I'm not sure they even have a tight end left. This Armstrong kid has basically become the Redskins' version of what Nate Washington was when he was with the Steelers; a guy you send down the field and throw a bomb to once a game that always hits. CLANG! Man, Crosby's fallen pretty far since his rookie year. And now if you're the Redskins, you're close enough that you can throw one up there and hope to get lucky with a flag or something. Or, you know, that can happen. Tackling him would be something to consider. Are you kidding me? Oh, OK. If Williams had brought that all the way back that might have been the most crushing defeat... well, ever, considering the circumstances. You know who's finally good is LaRon Landry. Good win for the Redskins, especially when you consider the fact that they've lost this exact game about 26 times in the last seven years. (Redskins 16, Packers 13, OT)
How many times did the Cowboys get called for pass interference on that first drive? Three? ESPN's Tim MacMahon: "Well, the Cowboys trail by 10 with 5:22 remaining in the first quarter. Time for Jason Garrett to abandon the run." Nice escape by Chris Johnson. Wow, it looks like that pass was actually intended for Bo Scaife but Kenny Britt caught it. Not only is Miles Austin the real deal after all, but something's lit a fire under Roy Williams also, as he's actually not terrible this year. Even scarier is that the Cowboys seem to have finally figured out that Felix Jones is their best back. On the flip side, David Buehler's making Cowboys fans miss Nick Folk. Mike Jenkins' play at cornerback today is reminding me of the salad days of Kevin Smith. He's been terrible. I've never heard of any of the Titans' defensive linemen but they're just wrecking the Cowboys — all three of Romo's picks came on balls tipped at the line, and the offensive line's been getting shredded all day today. This one might be over after that last one. Or not, as they've found Jason Witten in the end zone. I mean... whatever you think of the NFL's crackdown on celebrations, a rule's a rule. You know you're not supposed to go to the ground. You know that. This is why I don't believe in the Cowboys and wouldn't even if I didn't hate them with the passion of a thousand suns. You saw that graphic that said they're the second-most penalized team in the league behind the Raiders since 2006, right? The yardage they've lost today basically canceled out Miles Austin. Touchdown Titans! No, Phil Simms, the Titans didn't win because they made more big plays. The Titans won because they're not terminally stupid. (Titans 34, Cowboys 27)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Brett Favre (and that was even before this happened); 2. The Chargers' special teams coordinator; 3. The guy on the Chargers who tried to scoop up the Rivers fumble that led to the Raiders' game-sealing touchdown; 4. Mike Jenkins; 5. Carson Palmer.
Toss-Up! Who will be more gainfully employed in two years: Ken Whisenhunt or Matt Leinart? Which quarterback's near-decapitation was more painful to watch: Max Hall's or Pat White's? Which throw was worse: Drew Brees' last one or Orlando Cabrera's first one? (Cardinals 30, Saints 20; Phillies 4, Reds 0)
Okay, kick coverage is starting to become an issue. Kolb looks much more comfortable than last week, which illustrates just how different the offensive game plan is with him versus with Vick (and also that two quarterbacks with such vastly different styles probably can't function long term as starter and backup, in whichever order you want to put them in.) They seem to be calling more of the short stuff that Kolb was checking down to last week, which helps. Hey, a Brian Westbrook sighting! You know who's good is LeSean McCoy. When did Trevor Laws stop sucking? Singletary is INSANE WITH ANGER. The fans chanting "We want Carr" are just insane. You want to replace one No. 1 overall bust for another one? You really want to do that? I think Smith just told Carr to go back to the sideline. Did I see that? Uh-oh. Didn't this happen against the Lions? Don't do anything stupid here, Kevin. Interception! This did happen against the Lions. Let's get out of here without making any sudden movements. (Eagles 27, 49ers 24)
LIGHTNING! All right, we'll wait. Here's a fun fact: Not only is Randy Moss the second player to play on back-to-back Monday Night Football games for two different teams (the immortal Keith Browner is the other), but barring injury, he's in line to be the only player who will play in 17 regular-season games this year. Is it wise to send a gimpy Brett Favre out on a trick play with Moss throwing it? (Also, that only works against the Giants.) Seriously, between that and how little Peterson's being used, it's almost like the Vikings flew Jason Garrett in to call their plays. Jets are scuffling on offense (Braylon has the drops again) but the Vikings look worse. Favre keeps grabbing his arm. He looks like a 41-year-old man playing quarterback in the NFL, and there haven't been many of those. See, that's how that's supposed to work. No need for tricky role reversals. LDT and Greene have been having their way with the Vikings' run defense. It's kind of sick. Revis looks hobbled tonight and the Jets have not been able to find Harvin to stop him. Um, Rex, why are you even calling a pass play there? You're lucky you got to two minutes. The irony is that Harvin might have had a shot at that one had he not altered his route by knocking Revis to the ground. Gee, that's never happened before. Though it was more "nice play by Lowery" than "bad throw by Favre." But still. (Jets 29, Vikings 20)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL (1-4, L1): Well, at least we didn't set a new all-time lowest score.
JackSux 7 (1-4, L2): I seem to be catching everybody on their best week, as I've had 40 more points scored against me than the next team.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (4-1) — Can Tomlinson keep this up?
2. Baltimore (4-1) — Offense starting to gel
3. Pittsburgh (3-1) — Welcome back(?), Ben
4. Atlanta (4-1) — Just doing what needs to be done
BOTTOM 4:
29. Cleveland (1-4) - At least they're scoring touchdowns this year
30. San Francisco (0-5) - The best 0-5 team ever?
31. Carolina (0-5) - Honestly, it's probably time to trade Steve Smith
32. Buffalo (0-5) - Jaguars-Bills: NO BUYS!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: Home Invaders
Signal Finder: PIT @ BAL, CAR @ NO, DEN @ TEN (end), WSH @ PHI
First the Texans, then the Jaguars? Maybe the Colts aren't immune. (Jaguars 31, Colts 28)
This'll be fun if you're turned on by BLOOD HATRED. "Well before the pass was thrown..." ACTING! Mason got all kinds of crossed up on the Taylor interception. Reed missed again?? If I hadn't just seen Garrett Hartley on the Saints' sideline just now, I'd think the Ravens pulled off a double kidnapping. Fabian Washington bailing out on an interception because Haloti Ngata was barreling toward him was pretty funny. That's the second third down Pittsburgh's converted on this drive. He's getting in. Yep. This is a very important drive for Flacco here. He's really working that left side for some reason, and that reason is that that side's where the completions are. Go for it on fourth down? Sure. Wow, that had zero chance of working. Let's see if the Ravens can get a stop this time. Oh, that's a huge penalty. I stand corrected... this is a very important drive for Flacco here. It's also a fair bit easier than the last one. There's no need to force anything with the short distance they have to go. TOUCHDOWN! I still don't get why they brought T.J. in but they're sure glad they did. Man, that Ray Lewis is everywhere. (Ravens 17, Steelers 14)
PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Division games are always back-and-forth, whether through sludge or jet streams. I can't really tell if the Saints are keeping Carolina in this or if the Panthers are just giving them all they've got, because "all they've got" isn't a whole lot. I mean, their two longest plays have been a big run by Williams and the flip to Stewart. That is a fumble and John Fox is about to lose this challenge. Oh dear. If Steve Smith 1.0 can't come back and the Saints go ahead, this game's over. And the Saints have gone ahead. Yeah, that's about right. (Saints 16, Panthers 14)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1-5: A Bears offensive lineman; 6. Nate Clements; 7. Jeff Reed
Hey, I like Kyle Orton too, but he does not need to be throwing 50 passes in a game. Did that guy just jump to field a kickoff? That's... sub optimal. (Broncos 26, Titans 20)
Again, the burgundy uniforms just add to the surrealness of all this. What's that? A standing ovation? Good on ya, fellow Philly fans. also stands and claps Can we stop that guy running back the punt, whoever he is? Ryan Torain's one of about 42 running backs Shanahan had in Denver near the end, and the Eagles have never been able to stop Portis. This started badly and hasn't gotten any better — it's like the wrong team has been affected by all the hype. Seriously, my kingdom for someone in an Eagles uniform who can cover a tight end. Some points here would be nice. Ouch! I don't know what gets hurt when you get sandwiched like that but that looks painful. So now we end up with McNabb vs. Kolb after all? Crazy. This review has taken five minutes. This is ridiculous. DELAY OF GAME? Dear Lord. (This actually didn't matter because the Eagles played so badly they wouldn't have gotten the touchdown anyway. Plus, the way Reid addressed it on Monday makes it sound like it wasn't actually his fault.) This game suddenly got ponderous. Have the Eagles been triple-teaming Santana Moss or something? I think he's caught one pass and nobody else on the outside is any kind of threat. Kolb seems to have adopted the Trent Edwards strategy of going through his progressions in reverse — has he tried a pass longer than 10 yards? These stats are truly nutty — McCoy has nine catches; nobody else has three. Nice save by Justice on the fumble. Kolb's stat line's going to be really deceiving given how poorly he's played. I mean, I don't want to write the kid off after five quarters, but those were five really bad quarters. Which could all be forgotten if he pulls this one off— GAHHH! That ball needs to be caught. (Redskins 17, Eagles 12)
Good news, Chargers: September's over. Matt Leinart's watching these highlights thinking to himself, "I could've done THAT." (Chargers 41, Cardinals 10)
CONTUNING TREND: The Bears' offensive line still stinks. Also, we all forgot how good the Giants' defensive line is when everybody's on point. Todd Collins is still alive? And who's this other guy? (Giants 17, Bears 3)
Miami's not been kind to Brady historically. Clearly, special teams was the solution all along. Nothing like a half-opening kickoff return to completely deflate a crowd. Now they're just piling on. Henne's stat line looks good but he's made some bad throws, especially in the second half. You know what we haven't seen at all? The Wildcat. Has Moss really not caught a pass? EVERYBODY PAT CHUNG TONIGHT. I'm sorry. It was unavoidable. (Patriots 41, Dolphins 14)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (1-3, W1): Arian Foster not starting gave me a scare. Then he came back in and everything was all right.
JackSux 7 (1-3, L1): Eh.
And now it's time for...
RANKINGS!
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (3-1) - Sanchez starting to play to strengths
2. Baltimore (3-1) - Veterans helping prop up Flacco
3. Houston (3-1) - Newfound running game makes them even more dangerous
4. Pittsburgh (3-1) - Running and defense; the formula is back
BOTTOM 4:
29. Carolina (0-4) - Probably should have gone with Clausen from the jump
30. Oakland (1-3) - At least McFadden's having a good year
31. San Francisco (0-4) - A real head-scratcher
32. Buffalo (0-4) - Same old, same old
----------------
Listening to: Lostprophets - We Still Kill The Old Way
via FoxyTunes
First the Texans, then the Jaguars? Maybe the Colts aren't immune. (Jaguars 31, Colts 28)
This'll be fun if you're turned on by BLOOD HATRED. "Well before the pass was thrown..."
PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Division games are always back-and-forth, whether through sludge or jet streams. I can't really tell if the Saints are keeping Carolina in this or if the Panthers are just giving them all they've got, because "all they've got" isn't a whole lot. I mean, their two longest plays have been a big run by Williams and the flip to Stewart. That is a fumble and John Fox is about to lose this challenge. Oh dear. If Steve Smith 1.0 can't come back and the Saints go ahead, this game's over. And the Saints have gone ahead. Yeah, that's about right. (Saints 16, Panthers 14)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1-5: A Bears offensive lineman; 6. Nate Clements; 7. Jeff Reed
Hey, I like Kyle Orton too, but he does not need to be throwing 50 passes in a game. Did that guy just jump to field a kickoff? That's... sub optimal. (Broncos 26, Titans 20)
Again, the burgundy uniforms just add to the surrealness of all this. What's that? A standing ovation? Good on ya, fellow Philly fans. also stands and claps Can we stop that guy running back the punt, whoever he is? Ryan Torain's one of about 42 running backs Shanahan had in Denver near the end, and the Eagles have never been able to stop Portis. This started badly and hasn't gotten any better — it's like the wrong team has been affected by all the hype. Seriously, my kingdom for someone in an Eagles uniform who can cover a tight end. Some points here would be nice. Ouch! I don't know what gets hurt when you get sandwiched like that but that looks painful. So now we end up with McNabb vs. Kolb after all? Crazy. This review has taken five minutes. This is ridiculous. DELAY OF GAME? Dear Lord. (This actually didn't matter because the Eagles played so badly they wouldn't have gotten the touchdown anyway. Plus, the way Reid addressed it on Monday makes it sound like it wasn't actually his fault.) This game suddenly got ponderous. Have the Eagles been triple-teaming Santana Moss or something? I think he's caught one pass and nobody else on the outside is any kind of threat. Kolb seems to have adopted the Trent Edwards strategy of going through his progressions in reverse — has he tried a pass longer than 10 yards? These stats are truly nutty — McCoy has nine catches; nobody else has three. Nice save by Justice on the fumble. Kolb's stat line's going to be really deceiving given how poorly he's played. I mean, I don't want to write the kid off after five quarters, but those were five really bad quarters. Which could all be forgotten if he pulls this one off— GAHHH! That ball needs to be caught. (Redskins 17, Eagles 12)
Good news, Chargers: September's over. Matt Leinart's watching these highlights thinking to himself, "I could've done THAT." (Chargers 41, Cardinals 10)
CONTUNING TREND: The Bears' offensive line still stinks. Also, we all forgot how good the Giants' defensive line is when everybody's on point. Todd Collins is still alive? And who's this other guy? (Giants 17, Bears 3)
Miami's not been kind to Brady historically. Clearly, special teams was the solution all along. Nothing like a half-opening kickoff return to completely deflate a crowd. Now they're just piling on. Henne's stat line looks good but he's made some bad throws, especially in the second half. You know what we haven't seen at all? The Wildcat. Has Moss really not caught a pass? EVERYBODY PAT CHUNG TONIGHT. I'm sorry. It was unavoidable. (Patriots 41, Dolphins 14)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (1-3, W1): Arian Foster not starting gave me a scare. Then he came back in and everything was all right.
JackSux 7 (1-3, L1): Eh.
And now it's time for...
RANKINGS!
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (3-1) - Sanchez starting to play to strengths
2. Baltimore (3-1) - Veterans helping prop up Flacco
3. Houston (3-1) - Newfound running game makes them even more dangerous
4. Pittsburgh (3-1) - Running and defense; the formula is back
BOTTOM 4:
29. Carolina (0-4) - Probably should have gone with Clausen from the jump
30. Oakland (1-3) - At least McFadden's having a good year
31. San Francisco (0-4) - A real head-scratcher
32. Buffalo (0-4) - Same old, same old
----------------
Listening to: Lostprophets - We Still Kill The Old Way
via FoxyTunes
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