By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 1: Bunting, Blowouts and Breaks

Wait, what? 7 o'clock? Oh, right, the Republicans. Still, you'd think we'd have gotten some kind of buildup. That's how you start a game, Eli. The Redskins look... off. Seriously, this team going to the West Coast offense is a cultural adjustment as much as anything else. The Giants' defense hasn't missed a beat, either. Why are people counting these guys out again? (Giants 17, Redskins 6)

Signal Finder: STL @ PHI, HOU @ PIT, NYJ @ MIA (end), TB @ NO (end), DAL @ CLE

Um... ouch? I don't know if I'd call it dirty, but it's certainly dubious. (Remember the Carson Palmer hit? Same thing essentially.) Then Brodie Croyle goes down and no one gives a rat's ass. Which, to be honest, would have been the case regardless, though at least he didn't get Charlie Frye-d, which was what I thought when I saw Huard randomly pop up in a highlight. Is this how the Super Bowl losers' hangover manifests itself? Because Matt Cassel... could really suck. Actually, you know what? I think I did call it dirty when Vince Wilfork did it to J.P. Losman... last year? It should be a penalty at the very least. So much for my prediction. (Patriots 17, Chiefs 10)

DeSean's starting by default. Though I'm sure no one has any complaints! What, another one? The Rams' DBs are getting embarrassed all over the place here. Reggie Bush to Stephen Jackson; "I feel you, bro. I feel you." The most amazing thing about the Baskett stat with him having the most 80+ yard touchdowns over the last three years is that he never plays. Hmmm, that fake QB sneak into a quick pitch is a new wrinkle. You know whose name I haven't heard at all is Torry Holt. Well. This was unexpected. There was this one shot of Jim Haslett near the end and he had this look on his face that summed everything up, including why he's not a head coach any more. LOL at the fans booing the Ram field goal. (Eagles 38, Rams 3)

DOUBLE REVERSE~~~~~~ Harbaugh learned his lessons well. (Ravens 17, Bengals 10)

Pennsylvania: Land of Beatdowns. Comparison to chew on: The Eagles game was an air strike. The Steelers did it with tanks. (Steelers 38, Texans 17)

I wonder if I'll ever get used to that. MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN! Favre still has hops at his age? Amazing. And where'd the receiver come from? The Jets actually asked Favre if he could kick. That bit about one-win teams winning the following season's opener? I did not know that. Did the Dolphins receiver try to put Revis in a double chickenwing or something? What was that? (Jets 20, Dolphins 14)

They flagged T.O. for that? Weak. The Cowboys called the dogs off in the second half. (Cowboys 28, Browns 10)

We weren't really paying attention to this because of Phillies-Mets but it looks like the Colts' run defense has reverted back to 2005 levels. That's the only explanation I can come up with. (Bears 29, Colts 13)

All right, Aaron. Saddle up. Wow, look at all those penalty flags. Zzzzzzz... I'm not sure how Jennings came down with that and not the defender. We've seen that before somewhere. Meanwhile, Tarvaris looks like he's always looked, which is, not like a quarterback who's ready to lead a team on a deep playoff run or anything like that. Peterson can't do it alone. And he's certainly going to need more help than that from his special teams. Rodgers is sharp. Well, that wasn't bad. You can see the flashes from Tarvaris, like on the drive that ended with the Rice touchdown. I feel like this is as far as it goes, though. Lambeau Leap for Rodgers! That says so much right there. I've never noticed this before but his nose is huge. (Packers 24, Vikings 19)

What an ass-kicking this was. I thought DeAngelo Hall was good. LOL at Skycam getting into the shot. Edit that out! (Broncos 41, Raiders 14)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL (0-1): The Seattle Supersonics live on! Facing Willie Parker was not fun.

JackSux 5 (1-0): On the strength of Drew Brees and a mildly surprising effort from the Bears' defense.