By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: Where It All Begins... Again

Signal Finder: CIN @ PIT, CHI @ MIN, PHI @ SF

Is Chad getting triple-teamed or something? I haven't heard his name called yet. Ben hasn't looked all that sharp either, again. I don't think he's healthy yet. Carson's not doing much better, but at least he's making plays, and T.J.'s been huge in his first action. The Williams interception in the end zone was huge in retrospect. Um ... call a fair catch there, sir.

Anyone surprised that nobody's scored a touchdown in this game yet? No? That's the correct answer, believe it or not. You get the sense that we're going to see a game like this every week this year. I think it was the Winfield interception where there was a flag that everyone was sure was going to nullify the touchdown, but it didn't. I know I saw that happen at least once. Why is Brad Johnson running the football? Nice coverage on Davis there at the end.

Really, Who Gives A Rat's Ass?: Titans-Dolphins.

You're telling me nobody on that defense can reverse field and chase down Peyton Manning? The Jaguars are tired of moral victories against these guys.

Two teams off to disappointing starts. Something's gotta give, right? Steve Smith, y'all! But why is Keyshawn getting all the air time? Yes, Chris Simms played the entire fourth quarter with a ruptured spleen. (Big ups to SportsCenter for the spleen Did You Know?, by the way.)

Kenny Albert and Brian Baldinger are our new Sam Rosen and Bill Maas. No Stallworth? The hell? CHICANERY RULES. The Westbrook touchdown run is the kind of run that his critics don't think he can make. This is what Norv Turner does best; the 49ers offense is showing some flashes here. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Man, that really never gets old. Did you notice how nobody realized what was happening for about three seconds? Even Dawkins was celebrating the stop until he turned and saw Patterson running. Why does Baldinger keep talking about Ryan Howard? It's just out of place. Hey, a Michael Robinson sighting! It's not happening again, is it? Yeah, let's nip that in the bud.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what makes them the Arizona Cardinals.

REVENGE THE TIME IS-- wow, the Seahawks sure slapped that down quick. It doesn't help that the Giants are taking the same stupid penalties they seem to do every week. I really overestimated the Giants' defense - these guys should be collecting tolls. I'm waiting for Eli to start channeling Scar from The Lion King: "I'm surrounded by idiots."

Jake Plummer's maligned? This is news? Meanwhile, the Broncos' defense has been handing out beatdowns every week and no one seems to notice. The Patriots are having problems.

The Falcons have no shot tonight, right? blocked punt Yeah, looks that way. Morten Andersen lives! "You know how old he is? He's 206."

FANTASY REPORT

USFLaPa (2-1, W2): Got 20 points each from Donovan and Keyshawn to beat Will. Yes, Donovan started over Brady, and as long as the Patriots' passing offense functionally resembles the Ravens', it'll stay that way.

JackSux 3 (2-1, L1): Dupin kicked my ass with Westbrook's and Portis's big games. I benched Coles here, but Houshmandzadeh had a big game and Randle El stepped up. Chad needs to get with the program, though. I thought this was my earliest loss in a Rob-run league ever, but research showed that I lost the first game two years ago by 1.5 points or something ridiculous.

RANKINGS

TOP 3:
1. Cincinnati (3-0): Imagine when they peak
2. Chicago (3-0): Grossman's showing me something I didn't think he had
3. Indianapolis (3-0): Though running game is a concern

BOTTOM 3:

30. Tennessee (0-3): Titans paying for botching QB situation
31. Oakland (0-2): Hmmm... to use my line now or save it?
32. Houston (0-3): I could conceivably put "Should have drafted Reggie Bush" here every week but that'd be a bit much