Tuesday, December 13, 2005

By The Pigskin of Our Teeth, Week 14: Talking (Play)Book

View Finder: IND @ JAX, NYG @ PHI

Da-da-da-daa-da-daaaaaa! CHARLIE! And with that, the home stretch begins. Nice of the Jaguars to make it easy for everyone by just coming completely unglued. And now it's the Mike Vanderjagt Show. DAVID GARRARD CANNOT BE TACKLED. I was a big fan of this guy in college; I'd like to see him get a real shot somewhere. Inside, Dungy's screaming a string of expletives. I actually agree with the Jaguars kicking it deep after they closed to 26-18 for two reasons: 1) they got damn lucky on the first onside kick; and 2) the Colts know it's coming. Nice catch, Dallas. NEXT.

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Browns-Bengals.

This Bus comes with all-weather tires. Ben probably shouldn't even consider throwing any deep balls in this weather, and it looks like he's heeding that advice. You could really pencil this in as a loss for the Bears right away -- the Steelers came in desperate and have too much talent to fall to a team that can't score points.

*glances warily at the Vikings*

Really, Who Gives A Rat's Ass: Raiders-Jets.

Tomlinson hasn't done much. That should be a concern. How do you let the kicker recover his own kick? Chris Chambers is a BEAST. Or at least he has been the last couple of weeks. You think Brees said to Marty, "I should really just do this myself" and Marty said "Yeah, you're probably right." Holy crap. The Dolphins did this last year, too, but it didn't hurt the Patriots as badly as this one does. I'll be shocked if the Chargers get up from that.

A very small part of me is liking this "We have no expectations at this point" thing. And there goes Tiki, killing us again like he's done for years. The most surprising thing about the Moats touochdown was how he was running away from people. I don't think anyone knew he had that kind of speed. And now the Giants start losing offensive linemen like they're bicycle instructions. Bob Whitfield's still alive? When Billy McMullen's catching passes, anything's possible. Are the Giants actually gonna screw around and lose this game? The officiating tonight has been... questionable. When you're throwing to two guys in the same spot, you'd think you'd hit one of them, right? Tie game! And Eli throws another pick! You are KIDDING me. McMahon tried to sell the fumble as a forward pass, but too little, too late. Hey, this guy's still suspect... damn it. Donovan would've won that game.

Now this is more like it. Alexander's crane kick~~~~~~

*crosses off Chiefs*

Here's your chance to see an ESPN programming executive weep hysterically. Honestly, at this point the Lions should just go straight to Orlovsky. I think Sherman made a deal with Favre that he could still be quarterback, but he wasn't allowed to throw any more passes. What the hell, you're 4-8, go for it! D'OH!!! OK, seriously; how was that not a safety? The hold took place in the end zone. Even the refs have failed the Lions this year.

You'd think the Saints would learn not to let Vick get to the edge like that. Wow, both quarterbacks are getting beat up tonight. Great catch by White, and it seems like Vick's sort of found a wideout he's confortable throwing to. Why is Matt Schaub in the game?

FANTASY REPORT

aPa SmackDown!:
Mark Brunell can kiss my ass. Three interceptions against the Cardinals?!?! Thanks to LDT's off day, I actually would have had a shot against Weeba if he'd done anything positive. As it is, I lost, 86.77-74.56

JackSux: That performance cost Brunell his starting spot for the Captains as well. I had a bye this week and will face Johnny in the semis.

RANKINGS

TOP 3:

1. Indianapolis (13-0) - Let the debate begin
2. Cincinnati (10-3) - Survive Carson's bad game
3. Seattle (10-3) - Party at Starbucks tonight

BOTTOM 3:
30. Saints (3-10) - End this charade
31. San Francisco (2-11) - Things can only get better...
32. Houston (1-12) - ... and I can't even say that for sure about the Texans

No comments: