By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 16: Getting What You Give

YOU ARE LOOKING LIVE at the Triple H Dome. Sorry. I'd also like to apologize for the tackling in this game that ranks among the worst in the history of football. This is actually rather ingenious, asking for a measurement, and it's close enough that maybe you have time to take one more quick shot. Tice needs to stop complaining about that and start getting his guys to wrap up (and I mean that in every possible connotation.) And Evil Favre rears his head again. Now can the Vikings keep them at bay this time? What do you think? This game looks awfully familiar, doesn't it?

I saw none of this but:

"Nowadays everybody wanna kick like they got nothing to lose / But nothin' goes right when they squib the kick / It's enough to make you sick / and muthafuckas act like they forgot about Dante."

So that's where Doug Johnson (who's WHITE) ended up. I honestly didn't know.

The Jags laid an egg in that one, huh?

Plaxico's back, so Ben should start kicking ass again. And Heap's out, so Boller won't. And as if on cue, TOUCHDOWN. Wait, what's wrong with him? Isn't this how we got to this point in the first place? This game took literally two and a half hours.

Which meant I (and probably millions of other East Coasters) FINALLY got to see the Chargers. Not the best first impression they could have left. The kickoff return turned the game around; no need to deny it. CLANG! Way to go, Vanderjagt. Now this is dangerous because the Colts are gonna get the ball back. Peyton waving the punt team off the field~~~~~~~~~~~ 49!!! How'd Stokley get so open? The Chargers used his man to double Wayne on the outside, and the safety that was supposed to pick him up fell or something. Think the Colts try the kick if there's no flag after the interception?

I haven't seen a good angle of the Bears-Lions ending yet... did they rule the guy stepped out of bounds? I'm still not sure what happened here.

I don't know what all the disappointment and anger is all about. The Jets aren't better than the Patriots. Is is that hard to accept?

7-0 Cardinals? Are you kidding me? Oh, all right, that's more like it. Hey, a Trent Dilfer sighting! How bad is the NFC when it's Week 16 and the Cardinals have only now been eliminated?

Johnny: "THIS game may set the sport back 30 years." I hope everyone watching this display was properly medicated. Good Lord, this was awful. "We've got a case of the giggles right now."

Yeah, it's hard to care about this one. Has Bulger ever faced the Eagles before? I'm thinking not. I just want Bruce to catch a touchdown so I can get some cushion.

FANTASY REPORT
Not a good weekend for Johnny. I beat him in the third-place game in the tSC league after Reid rested all the important Eagles, and Ska opened up a can on him in the XFLaPA championship. Rob ended up winning the Circle league. Way to RIG it. ;)

RANKINGS
TOP 3
1. Pittsburgh - Maddox gets controls back for a week
2. New England - Just hanging out at this point
3. (tie) Indianapolis - Jim Sorgi, COME ON DOWN!
(tie)Philadelphia - B-teamers fail to impress

BOTTOM 3
30. Miami - ew.
31. San Francisco - Ew.
32. Cleveland - EW!