Wednesday, December 22, 2004

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 15: Taking Hits

The Giants are gonna need a miracle to - Whoa! THAT'LL help. Am I the only one who realizes that a big part of the reason Ben's struggled recently is that his favorite target (Plaxico) has been out? Does no one else watch these games? Eli actually looks competent this week. Ike Hilliard's still alive? I'll be damned. Are... are the Giants ahead? What have you got, Ben? Oh, that's what. OK.

This game may have set the sport back 15 years.

Grass just doesn't look right indoors. I'm just saying. It's not helped Vick that Price is looking more and more like the new Alvin Harper every week. You know Delhomme's had a broken thumb for two months? Peppers is lining up at receiver? Nice block, at any rate. Notice how Muhammad's getting the ball more than Colbert has been as the season winds down. This is basically how the Panthers' season has gone if you think about it. And it just might end the same way as Vick runs past EVERYBODY and scores. He never hit the ground. Rock on.

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close I: Vikings-Lions, THE REMATCH. Second time this game's gotten this honor. I just hope Mariucci waits until the 26th to cut that kid. Still, you know the Vikings would've lost it in OT. You KNOW this.

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close II: Cowboys-Eagles. The extra point getting blocked should have been bad sign #1. Somebody help that man off the field! Keep the weight off his leg! That's bad sign #2. What's happened to Pinkston? Has he been having nightmares or something? Then Donovan remembered he watched Vick last night and thought, "Hey, let's try that." Testaverde throwing a horrible interception at a crucial moment? Gee, that's never happened before. How in God's name has he stuck around for 18 years? It offends me as a football fan.

SING THE SONG. Next week they get their mettle tested.

OMG A JON KITNA SIGHTING. Who thought we'd see it this late? The Bills are basically the NFC's Panthers by now - beat up, dead and buried, they've dialed things down and made a late run of their own. Spikes, during his interception return: "You know, when I worked here, this shit happened to us ALL the time."

Should Hasselbeck really be playing with a shaky elbow? Pennington's clearly OK, and this is the difference between playing with confidence and, well, not.

*crosses off Buccaneers* And it's too little, too late for the Saints also.

That shit happens in Camden all the time - Darius may not know any better. I didn't even realize Ferguson's helmet had been knocked off until they showed the replay the second time. You know what was sort of great about that? The fans were all morose and mellow when they stretchered him out, and then that cheer exploded after the commercial when they announced Darius had been thrown out. The funny thing about Favre is that the ill-advised interceptions actually enhance his gutsy gambler persona a little bit. You know? It's like you expect it, and you learn to live with it when he's wrong, but he can still be right often enough to hurt you. The second Grant pick was just a great play on his part - we all thought Driver had it. Great win for the Jags, who still might end up making it.

I'll ask again: Does ANYBODY want to win the NFC West? *the Cardinals meekly raise their hands in the background*

I don't see Peyton getting it tonight. Just a hunch. Edge is second in the league in rushing? Really? You'd seriously never know it. Still, I'm surprised they don't have a touchdown yet. I can see why you take the field goal off the board if you're the Ravens - you're not beating this team with field goals. Interception! This one's over. I also like the kneeldown - you DON'T want to anger these people.

Anybody see Ricky on 60 Minutes?

Well, this is gonna suck. MY EYES! MY EYES! THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!! Special teams~~~ Impossibly, the Dolphins are now ahead and nobody's the least bit concerned. And rightly so. See? Well, at least they didn't completely embarrass themselves. Hey, a meaningless late touchdown. I'm sorry, WHAT? Was that Tom Brady or Peter Brady? He doesn't do that! That's awful. A.J. THREADS THE NEEDLE for the touchdown! Oh my God. Jason Taylor: "I hope they lost a lot of money with their 10-point spread." In my own twisted mind I imagine Heather jokingly offering anal to A.J. if the Dolphins won this game and her saying "Oh, shit" after Brady's fourth pick at the end. This should never have happened. Voting for "Upset Of The Decade" is now closed.

FANTASY REPORT:
tSC:
It'll be me and Johnny... in the third-place game. What happened to me against Rob was what I feared might happen (and Rob can confirm this, as we talked about it) - the Ravens' defense cancelling out Harrison & Wayne to the point where none of them ended up helping me. It's Rob vs. Dupin for the title.

RANKINGS
TOP 3:

1. Pittsburgh - Big scoring burst puts Steelers in control
2. New England - Throw this one out?
3. Philadelphia - Won't drop them... yet

BOTTOM 3:
30. Miami - It didn't help you THAT much
31. San Francisco - Erickson should've taken the Ole Miss job
32. Cleveland - Brown is also the color of the paper bags

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