By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2

In Which Our Correspondent Is Stunned Into Silence, Much Is Made Of Moral Victories, And A Flirtation With Necromancy Is Considered

See, here's the thing about the Chiefs: They're gonna score a lot on offense. So you CANNOT AFFORD to give them EVEN MORE points on defense and special teams. And NOW we can say that it looks like Holmes is OK.

Wilbon: "So far what [the Redskins]'ve done is beat a Jets team without Chad Pennington by three and a Falcons team without Michael Vick by a deuce." IOW, let's not say any mea culpas and start sucking Spurrier's dick just yet. Now Atlanta needs a second receiver to help Price.

295? That's an interstate that runs through my hometown, not a RUSHING TOTAL! Jebus. The Browns should have replaced their defensive line along with their linebackers.

The Dolphins needed to win and knew it. Dare I say that if they'd lost, they'd be, well, where the Eagles are at the moment. Testaverde has over 40,000 career passing yards. Whoda thunk it.

This just in: the Colts have only given up 13 points.

Sad to say, Aeneas Williams may still probably be the best cover guy the Rams have. Even worse was the guy on the 49ers getting caught inbounds afterwards and NO ONE CALLED THE FINAL TIME OUT. You leave a time out on the table in that situation, you NEED to lose.

Obligatory Week 1 Item I Forgot: Those Titans alternates? SWANK. Johnny mentioned this somewhere.

Is there a worse feeling in football than seeing your kick blocked? How about seeing it THREE TIMES? Brad Johnson threw 61 passes? What universe is this? And for the record, I only said Delhomme would die (9-23, 96 yards)... I said nothing about the outcome of the game. ;) Wonder how many suicide pools got sunk after that.

A conversation with Rob a couple weeks back:

Radical Rob T: and they've got that veteran winner, JEFF BLAKE, at QB. They could suit up Tiny Tim and Blake would still toss him strikes!
Radical Rob T: *ducks and covers as sarcasm meters shatter*
IdeaMan405: And God forbid anything happens to him.
Radical Rob T: who, Blake? Hahaha OMG I hadn't even thought about that.
Radical Rob T: They have Shipp if Emmitt goes down but good lord....
IdeaMan405: *looks in his Street & Smith's*
IdeaMan405: Somebody named Josh McCown from Sam Houston State
Radical Rob T: I've seen McCown play - not too bad, actually. His brother (Cade McCown? The name escapes me) was a bigtime bust, though.
IdeaMan405: You're thinking of Cade McNown. And yes, he did suck.

The old Bengals would have folded like Rey taking a German from Kurt and never have made that comeback, especially considering how the Raiders took the lead. The first and most important change has to be the attitude, and Lewis is doing that. The Raiders... see the Fantasy Report.

Apparently none of the Eagles can catch anymore, either. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The Pats used an awful lot of misdirection and fakes. We keep losing defensive linemen like this and someone may have to exhume the corpse of Jerome Brown. All right, that was tasteless. But I'm not happy. What's strange is that the fans have skipped over Koy and are already chanting Feeley's name.

Two weeks in and I'm still not believing in the Vikings. You hit 'em right out of the gate with a bomb to a guy so low on the depth chart he's wearing a number in the teens, and then let them get back to within four? Uh-uh. I don't like it. This Moe Williams, though, he ain't bad.

I should point out that the only reason Matt Bryant is kicking for the Giants again this year is because Mike Hollis got hurt in camp. What good is the squib kick? I mean, really? Seriously, somebody explain it to me. This should never have happened. I'm no Giants fan, but I'd root for the Klan or HHH over the fucking Cowboys.

Fantasy report: Jeff had Jamal Lewis. So I'm toast, right? Well, I got five sacks and a TD from the New Orleans defense and ended up losing only by about eight points. Fuck Rich Gannon. Fuck him up his stupid ass. Next week I face Scott, who has every Rams player of consequence that I don't. And since Westbrook and the Eagles have a bye this week, Bettis is gone and John Avery is in.

TOP 3:
1. Buffalo - Sunday night Fishing trip will be first real test
2. Kansas City - New defense playing better than I expected
3. Carolina - I NEVER would have thought this could happen

BOTTOM 3:
30. Jacksonville - Really an anonymous bunch
31. Cleveland - That Holcomb thing's working out real well, too
32. Arizona - Should've been here last week but I forgot they existed