By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 1

We'd have been here sooner but the whole town lost power last night. But that's another post. Specifically, after I eat.

In Which Our Surprisingly Not Bitter Commentator Ruminates On How Much (And How Little) We Learned, Ill-Thought-Out Flights Of Fantasy, And Florida's Triple Choke Job

But first, breaking news:

MIKE MARTZ ADMITTED HE SCREWED UP.

"I just got an 'Oh, my!' from Dick Enberg!" - Andy Roddick

Horrible miscommunication as far as Warner's concussion goes. Question though, Mike: when you noticed that Warner seemed confused, why didn't you think and do something about it, like, oh, I don't know, take him out or have him GIVE MARSHALL FAULK THE MOTHERFUCKING BALL? "STUPID! You're so STUPID!" And the blueprint for beating the Rams - smack the crap out of them - still holds.

Don't be surprised when Anquan Boldin catches 3 for 30 this week. He was playing the Lions, who haven't had a good corner since Ray Crockett in his prime. And that was 10 years ago.

Linemen running with the football. Does it EVER get old? I submit that it does not. And who would've called this as a shutout? We knew the Bills upgraded their defense, but that much? I'd say Belichick will live to regret this, but he just did.

In a fairer world, Brunell would be quarterbacking the Panthers. Seriously, how do you lose this game to that team? How? And the Bucs are going to physically kill Jake Delhomme next week.

So are we accepting that the Dolphins underrated the Texans? Is that what we're gonna go with? Has Jason Taylor arrived at the stadium yet? And the reason you give Ricky the ball is to run the clock since I would hope you'd have the confidence that he'd get the yards. Y'know? I'm just thinking out loud.

Let's also note that the Vikings (whose defense may now merely be ordinary) came damn close to blowing it. I'm still not buying.

The sad thing is, Rex Grossman won't be any better.

Why am I not bitter? Because Tampa's that good, folks. I'll defend the fake field goal thusly: Sure, you're passing up three sure points, but you get six on that play (and Smith should have caught it) and it's a backbreaker. Jurevicius's catches were of the type that no white man should be able to make. The second one even faked out the cameraman. I can't hate 'cause NOTHING would have worked.

No Dawkins for 2-6 weeks? THAT I'm bitter about.

(Semi-related note: This showed up today. Thank God for eBay deadbeats. And I know this won't help my "Rosser clone" image. It's merely a sick twist of irony.)

Fantasy report: Beat Max on the strength of Gannon and Ward. Bring on Bulger; that means Faulk will get carries. I don't need points from ALL of my WRs. I MUST have points from Faulk. I had the fewest points of all the winners last week, but I only would've lost to Wade and Jeff. So who am I against this week? Jeff. And Bettis hurt his groin, so I dumped Mungro and picked up Brian Westbrook, who will at least return kicks.

TOP 3:
1. Tampa Bay - Sapp & Co. licking their chops
2. Tennessee - A measure of revenge
3. Buffalo - All the pieces fitting so far

BOTTOM 3:
30. New England - Oh, the pain, the shame...
31. Jacksonville - An awful way to lose
32. Chicago - Oh boy.