Saturday, October 21, 2023

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: Bouncearound

The 49ers are walking down the field here almost despite Purdy's inaccuracy. And that's without Aiyuk. Giants get three of their own. 49ers punting on 4th and 1 from midfield? Cowards. That's a good punt though. Bosa sacks Jones and he's ruled down at the 1. Deebo picks his way through a screen and picks up 30 on 3rd and 15. Touchdown 49ers. Javon Hargrave with a sack on third down. Rookie Ronnie Bell, who scored the touchdown, catches a deflection off a high pass by Purdy that Deebo couldn't handle.

That's roughing the passer? Whatever. Purdy gets bailed out again, as Kittle didn't have the first down. McCaffrey cashes in. Slayton with a basket catch on the sideline. Paris Campbell falls, forcing the Giants to use their last time out. Jones overthrows Hodgins. Gano drills a 57-yarder. This is close but I think it's fair catch interference. Touchdown Brieda! Way too early to go for two, Giants. It doesn't work.

That's an obvious illegal contact on Thibodeaux, bailing out Purdy again,. Daboll not happy with the refs after the 49ers kick a field goal to go up eight. Jones misses Waller deep. Uncalled contact, but that's is OPI on Waller if anything. Big pickup by Kittle to end the third. Deebo fights off eight tackles before going down, and he stays down. for a bit before getting up and walking off. Three plays later he's back in and that's a touchdown. We're done here. Especially after that interception that was tipped TWICE before Mufanga got it. Tyrod in for Jones's own protection.

Al: "Avoids a sack, one that a lot of people wanted to see him take, for, well, you know what I'm talking about." Actually, no, this time I don't. He's gotta be talking about a prop, right? (49ers 30, Giants 12)

Signal Finder: NE @ NYJ, NO @ GB, LAC @ MIN (end), IND @ BAL (end), DAL @ AZ

The wind's starting to pick up. Jets get the ball first. Jets audible right into an unblocked rusher. Romo: "That's a bad check." Nantz: "Most bad checks bounce back. That one did for a loss." Mac broke Romo's record for completions in the first two games of a season with 66. Patriots' kicker Chad Ryland wears No. 37 because why not. Patriots lead for the first time this season? Hall fumbles but manages to fall on it.


Mac finds Bourne with a laser beam. Defensive Michael Carter almost gets a pick off a deflection. I thought he had caught it, personally. This time Ryland misses from 48. It's a lot mistier at MetLife Headquarters than it was in the first quarter. Wilson immediately loses 12 on a sack. Then he pulls the string on a pass that falls incomplete (and may have been picked off if he threw it, and he seemed to realize that). Jets go three and out to boos.

Mac finds Pharaoh Brown, their third tight end, wide open down the seam, and that's six. Legatron gets the Jets on the board. That's two bad snaps on missed Patriots field goals. 10-3 Pats at halftime. Only thing happening in the third quarter is a bunch of procedure penalties on the Patriots' offensive line. Now the Jets are arguing on the sideline. And now we've got a scuffle after a Mac sneak. Lazard has the best two catches for the Jets today. The first red zone snap of the game comes with 6:40 left. Give Randall Cobb an Emmy or a Tony or something. Touchdown Jets. Fullback renaissance? Judon spins past Becton and gets the safety! Gipson gets 15 on the punt return after the two-minute warning. What was that checkdown, Zach? Dude can't see the field. (He missed Garrett Wilson on the play before that.) (Patriots 15, Jets 10)


I mean, Russell Wilson isn't responsible for this.

(Dolphins 70, Broncos 20)

The Packers do something truly stupid on fourth and 2 at midfield. Was that supposed to be a flea-flicker? Touchdown JIMMY GRAHAM? Shaheed returns the punt 76 yards for a touchdown! There was one gap that wasn't that big, and there were three Packers and no one else there, and he beat them all. 14-0 Saints. Carr throws up a desperation heave and Shaheed ends up playing defense. Multiple Taysom sightings as Vilma talks about how he's in basically every offensive position room during the weekly meetings. Field goal puts the Saints up 17-0 at the half. Then Love starts the second half by getting intercepted. Carr gets slammed to the turf and goes to the medical tent. Now he's headed back to the locker room and Winston is in at quarterback. Packers go for it and pass up a short field goal and this doesn't work either. Back-to-back interference penalties? Not great, Saints. Love eventually keeps it and scores. Packers go for two and get it! 17-11 with 6:58 left.

And that's why Jonathan Vilma's the worst color man in the NFL. Love takes off to the left and keeps going, staying in bounds and picking up 24. Touchdown Doubs! We're tied! Defender didn't see it until Doubs jumped, and then it was too late. PAT gives the Packers the lead with 2:56 left. The rookie Grupe on for a 46-yarder with 1:10 left. Wide right! Packers win after being absolute trash for three-plus quarters. This league. (Packers 18, Saints 17)

Brandon Staley, you absolute moron. You punt there every single time.


Pass to Addison is broken up in the end zone, but Jefferson's down on the other side of the field. There was an illegal contact flag on the guy defending him, then Jefferson took a weird step, started hobbling and went down. Now Hockenson's down after taking a shot. Jefferson back in — he cramped up is all. Vikings facing fourth and 5. Hockenson! Snap the ball! Hockenson can't handle it, it gets tipped twice, and intercepted!

Kenneth Murray just saved Brandon Staley's job, at least from me, 'cause I fire him immediately if they lose.

(Chargers 28, Vikings 24)

Lamar's carrying literally two-thirds of this Ravens team. (They're down seven starters.) Minshew pulled an Orlovsky, then Matt Gay tied the game for the Colts before Tucker missed a 61-yarder at the end of regulation. Is a woman calling this game? This has to be the first time ever, doesn't it? Let's see who it is. It's Beth Mowins. Ravens stuff the Colts on forth and 1 at midfield. Isaiah Likely drops the ball on third down. Ravens go for it on fourth and 3 because 65 is too much to ask even for Tucker. Incomplete and NO flag. Are we serious right now? Speed straight up tackled Flowers. Colts get it back with 3:21 left. Matt Gay from 53. It's GOOD! That's four 50-plus field goals in one game, a new record. The Ravens, who always have a grievance no matter the outcome of the game, actually have one this time. (Colts 22, Ravens 19, OT)

Cardinals with an early lead? Cowboys down their center and right guard. Hollywood draws a DPI flag on Bland, Travon Diggs's replacement. Did the Cowboys defense not scout Josh Dobbs? Touchdown James Conner. Cowboys jump offside on the PAT, so now they're going for two. They run it with Conner but get nothing. Xavien Collins comes unblocked and sacks Dak. That'll be a flag on Thompson, who grabbed Lamb twice. Big cheers for that as I'm sure this place is packed with Cowboys fans. Moose: "They're gonna forget about Hunter Luepke." I've never heard of him, sir. Cowboys need Gallup to be better than he was last year. Bad decision by Dak to try to throw it past Chris Barnes (he didn't). Field goal is good. Rondale Moore lines up at running back, gets behind the Cowboys defense and scores! Two-point pass is incomplete. Pollard with some nice runs. Cooks can't stay in the end zone. Touchdown... Rico Dowdle? Good screen to pick that up. Cowboys struggling against the run. Prater hits from 51 though it was almost blocked. Did dude come early? He may have — there's a flag. That's five yards, which is first down Cardinals. FOX has started doing a thing where they put a player in a yellow flash — they just did it to Parsons. Cards kick a shorter field goal to go up eight. Lamb gets hit with OPI. Prater hits from 62 to end the half.


Lamb finally gets open downfield. Dak escapes a sack and picks up third and 12.

But they stop the next one and force a field goal. Turpin with a big punt return, but the Cowboys get called for holding, which will put them inside their own 20. Gallup! Cardinals gag on third down again. McCarthy going for it on 4th and 4 from the Arizona 5. Dak gets flushed out of the pocket and throws incomplete. Parsons finally gets a sack as the third quarter ends. Cardinals predictably crumbling now. This rookie Clark is doing work on Lamb today. Aubrey makes it 21-16 with 9:33 left. That's Michael Wilson, a third-round rookie who just lit the Cowboys up for a NICE gain. Hollywood cashes in and it's 28-16 Cardinals.

They might not blow this! Kyzir White (so that's where he ended up) picks off Dak in the end zone! CLASSIC. There were three Cardinals there. The heck was Dak seeing?


(Cardinals 28, Cowboys 16)


Chiefs currently putting on a better show than she does.

(Chiefs 41, Bears 10)

The Steelers offensive line's PFF rankings seem... not good? Carrie in the house! It's the first time she's actually been at SNF, and they show her visiting the production truck. Garoppolo gets crushed barely after he hands it to Jacobs. FUMBLE? Automatic review correctly overturns it. This is close. Raiders go for it, and the run play action deep to Adams, who catches it for a touchdown! Peterson never saw the ball. The Steelers come back with a big play of their own, as Pickett hits Calvin Austin for 72! Kid ran away from Marcus Peters and outran Marcus Epps.


Jimmy G feeding Adams. Pressure forces Garoppolo into an interception to Levi Wallace. The Raiders should consider not letting Pickett break contain. He's done it twice in a row, and the first one was called back. McDaniels tells Melissa that Garoppolo will return in the second half. Lo and behold, he's back out there. He just tries to put Adams in the hospital with that one. Clean hit, and the refs pick up the flag. Boswell hits from 57! Peterson intercepts Garoppolo, who just threw that one up there. Graphic shows that breaks a tie with Harrison Smith for the most interceptions by an active player. Steelers stringing together some chunk plays. Pickett throws on the run and hits Freiermuth for a touchdown. Raiders looking at 2nd and 34. Nice work. That's a really good catch by Jakobi Meyers to stay inbounds. We finally get around to discussing the weird Chandler Jones situation, which nobody seems to know anything about, and Tirico says the Raiders aren't talking. Shot of T-Mobile Arena, for some reason, which spurs how the Aces and Golden Knights are their sports' reigning champions. Raiders on the move, but it feels too late. Are they calling this helmet to helmet on Fitzpatrick? Because I'm not seeing it. McAuley is also skeptical. Quick slant to Adams is a touchdown. There's another questionable flag on Chandon Sullivan on the two-point try. This time they run play action and Michael Mayer doesn't have anyone within a mile of him. 23-15. 5:41 left. Jacobs gets stopped after the Raiders were moving the ball through the air. The field goal team's coming out? Down eight? The kick's good, but there's a flag. The Raiders seem to think it's on the Steelers, and it's a leverage call. First down.

Meyers can't haul it in on third down and the Raiders send the kicking team out again???

Biggest fraud in the league. It's good, but the Raiders still might not get the ball back. Pickett flings it to Allen Robinson for a critical first down, and now the Raiders probably won't get the ball back. They do manage a stop. That's a good punt. MUFFED but the Raiders are lucky to get it back. Aaaand it's intercepted. (Steelers 23, Raiders 18)

Big-time punt return by Covey. Nice to see that. A run on third and 6? No one else would do this. Elliott hits from 36 after the drive bogs down in the red zone again. Rashaad White has moves. Mayfield with plenty of time. Buck brings up Mayfield's red zone interceptionless streak. Aikman: "Oh no." Good work by the rookie Sydney Brown to knock a touchdown away from Evans. McLaughlin ties it. Eagles pick up the blitz and Hurts finds Goedert. I hope Zaccheaus was inbounds. Touchdown Zaccheaus! Buck was right: "Time ran out." Is it raining there, too? It is. Blankenship with a diving interception. Sneak may not have worked? Never mind. Now they're reviewing it? Why is the booth reviewing spots? Call stands. Then Hurts throws a bad ball right to Devin White.


Cox and Carter team up on a sack. Then Carter forces a fumble and the Eagles get it back. The Buccaneers hadn't turned the ball over all season, and as Buck said, that's two in three snaps. Lane Johnson may have gotten away with a jump. They're reviewing whether A.J. Brown got out of bounds or not. They somehow reverse this? That's not enough to overturn that. It's not a HUGE deal, but it's the principle of the thing. Elliott hits from 38 to end the half. Swift could have driven a bus through that hole. 26 yards after a hurdle. Pass is too high for A.J. Sneak doesn't reach the end zone? Shocker. They run it again from about the half-yard line and it's good.

Another big run by Swift. If he cuts right at the end he probably scores. Hurts gets picked off again! That's a hell of a play. A.J. having a tough night. Safety! How are you offsides on a free kick? That adds five to another nice return by Covey.

Ridiculous catch by Evans. Godwin gets knocked out of bounds at the 1. Why are the Bucs in shotgun? Touchdown Evans on a ball that wasn't thrown all that well. Aikman also criticizes Evans for not running a flatter route. Two-point try is good and it's 25-11. Scorigami territory? Pitts saves a Gainwell touchdown. There's no reason to show that Ronde Barber highlight. Troy singles out A.J. one-on-one up top, and he breaks a tackle after the catch and gets 25 on third and 13. This is probably over. Slant to Brown and the Buccaneers won't get the ball back. Eagles Scorigami! They hadn't beaten Tampa in 10 years? What? (Eagles 25, Buccaneers 11)

Is Burrow playing or not? He is, as the Bengals get the ball first. They don't do much. Stafford keeps missing Kyren Williams. Burrow's limiting himself to short throws. Field goal is good. Stafford to... Tutu Atwell for 47. I swear, every Rams player on the outside — on both sides — is off the street. Rams kick another field goal to go ahead. Donald with a sack. Higgins with a drop. They're trying to get him involved but it's just not going well. Burrow's also been under a lot of pressure.


Stafford gets rushed into an interception. That is, if Logan Wilson caught it clean. He did! The Bengals have to do better than settle for long field goals — McPherson's tried from 48, 56 (which he missed) and 53, which he hits at halftime to tie this sad game at 6. Burrow's not limping, per se, but he's laboring to walk. Chase bails him out on third down, going behind his back to make the catch. Riddick notes that that was primed to be intercepted otherwise, and Orlovsky says Burrow threw it there on purpose. Mixon breaks through the hole and that's a touchdown. Crowd CHEERS. Chase! Higgins having a ROUGH night. Burrow gets picked off by Witherspoon! That was NUTS. Stafford gets pasted. All of McPherson's field goals have been 40-plus. This one's from 54 and makes it 19-9.

Trey Hendrickson's killing this dude. Stafford finally hits Puka deep. Touchdown Atwell but I fear it's too late. Onside kick goes how you'd expect. (Bengals 19, Rams 16)
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