Wednesday, January 26, 2022

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 16: This is a Recording

What is that ensemble, Burkhardt? A half-zip under a suit jacket and over a collared shirt and tie? Deebo down at the 1 before he loses the ball. Jeff Wilson scores, as that's pretty much all he does. 49ers cruising down the field again. Interception in the end zone!


Janoris Jenkins is a Titan now? Juszczyk tries to make a one-handed catch on the sideline but can't. Pass to Deebo on 4th and 1 converts, and Deebo has to extend upwards to get it. Then things fall apart to the point that they're facing a 3rd and 26. They get seven back and Gould makes it 10-0. A.J. Brown with a catch tight on the sideline. This offense has missed him. Tannehill misses Brown on 3rd and 2 and the Titans have to punt. Rashard Evans drops an interception. Big Foreman run is called back by a holding penalty. Garoppolo sneak picks up a first down. Wait, what? Is Shanahan sitting on this? Why? Titans get the second-half kickoff. This is a disciplined march. And it ends with a field goal. Off-target throw by Garoppolo is intercepted! McNichols takes this to the 1. Touchdown Foreman. Aiyuk can't make the diving catch on fourth down and the Titans take over. They then lose yards on two consecutive plays. They take a deep shot on a free play and Brown makes a leaping catch. Third quarter ends. Tannehill fires a laser to Brown for a touchdown! 49ers in 3rd and 21. They get 12. (It feels like there have been a lot of third-and-really-long in this game.) Tannehill dumps it to Firsker for another first down. Then they try a wide receiver pass that almost gets picked off. That's a good punt. Down at the 3! Big run after the catch for Deebo! Down to the 5 and he's still down. Garoppolo finds Aiyuk in the back of the end zone! PAT is good even though the Titans came after it. Tannehill keeps it! Was that designed? Sure wasn't. Olsen sits on his own mic cable, muting him for a few seconds until Burkhardt realizes what's happened. 49ers start using time outs. Titans run the clock down to 8 seconds. Bullock hooks it but it still goes through! Touchback on the kickoff isn't ideal. Niners have one shot. That lasted longer than it probably should have.




(Titans 20, 49ers 17)

Touchdown Chubb. Extra point goes right. Packers pick up a fourth and short early and the announcers reference not doing so late in last year's NFC title game. Mayfield throws a pick right to Darnell Savage. Peoples-Jones never turned around. I'm not sure he knew the pass was coming. Rodgers throws a strike to Adams. Lazard makes the catch, stretches to the pylon, and gets there! That gives Rodgers the Packers' touchdown passing record. After the commercial, FOX replays the video message Favre sent. "Go win us another Super Bowl" he ends it with. Packers challenge this Peoples-Jones catch. They'll lose. He's down. High throw by Mayfield gets intercepted. Lazard with a one-handed catch to end the first quarter. Browns blitz and Rodgers finds Adams for a touchdown. That's their 66th touchdown hookup, also now the most in Packers history. Touchdown Bryant! Two guys followed D'Ernest Johnson and left Bryant alone. Stokes breaks up the two-point try in the end zone. 14-12 Packers. Did MJ Stewart just pull his finger out of Aaron Jones's shoelaces? He tackled him and then fiddled with the shoe for a couple seconds. Mayfield gets picked AGAIN, this time by Douglas. Landry slipped and fell and Douglas came over the top. Adams is knocked out at the Browns' 1 after a quick out route. 21 seconds left. Touchdown Adams! Browns are offsides. Each Browns turnover has led to a Packers touchdown. That's how you lose. Rodgers heads into the locker room early, as he's been limping a couple of times during this game. 21-12 Packers at halftime. Browns finally get a stop and the Packers add a field goal. Good run by Chubb. Mayfield gets sacked and loses 12. Field goal is good. 24-15 after 3. Mayfield gets sacked again. Fourth and 22 with 9 minutes left and the Browns are... going for it? Penalty flag comes out and they change their minds and punt. Mayfield's not trying to go deep anymore. And as I say that he misses Peoples-Jones in the end zone. Johnson takes it 30 yards inside the 5. Browns catch the Packers off guard and Mayfield finds Anthony Schwartz for a touchdown. PAT makes it 24-22 with 4:31 left. Browns get a stop at 2:05! Mayfield gets picked off AGAIN! Good Lord. That one probably should have been DPI.




Yeah, there's that, too. (Packers 24, Browns 22)

Leonard and Pascal went on the COVID list about four hours before kickoff. Cardinals get the ball first and end up trying a 51-yarder. Prater pushes it left. TAYLOR. Wentz finds Hilton coming across for an easy touchdown. You're supposed to stay with your man on defense. MURRAY!


Chase Edmonds takes it in from the 2. Prater misses the extra point. He's having a rough night. Badgley is short from 53. Apparently nobody can make a kick in this building tonight. Open the roof! Ertz with a falling one-handed catch on the sideline. Reich challenges it. That looks good to me. Oh, that ball is juggling. This is coming back. Wentz gets bull rushed and fumbles, but illegal contact downfield negates it. Eric Fisher limps off, further depleting the Colts' offensive line. Snap goes haywire and Murray gets chased back into the end zone and just dumps it. That's intentional grounding, right? The Colts think so. It is! That's a safety. 9-6 Colts. Now Quentin Nelson's replacement is hurt. Wentz scrambles but he's short. Another Cardinals penalty. That's seven this half. Pittman hurdles his man for a few extra yards. Insult to injury as Marco Wilson gets called for DPI after getting hurt trying to intercept a pass. Wentz scrambles to the 1. But it's coming back for holding. Now it's 3rd and 20 and this pass is tipped. Badgley hits from 41! A made kick! I'm wondering where Taylor was on that drive. Colts get the ball first to start the second half. Wait, what? The Cardinals just did a thing where they had Christian Kirk back to receive this punt, but Byron Murphy ran over and fielded it instead and got a 48-yard return out of it.


That's an INSANE throw and catch! Antoine Wesley? Who is that dude? Extra point is good and the Cardinals lead. Colts go for it on 4th and 4 but Wentz's throw is off-target. Cardinals get nothing out of the ensuing possession. Alie-Cox breaks a tackle and goes for 35 after a short throw. Colts regain the lead with a field goal. Long ball to Kirk gets broken up. Next play Murray looks for Green on the other side and that one's caught for 27. Prater misses AGAIN!! What is happening? Wentz to Hilton for 38! Touchdown Desmon Patton! That throw looked like it was too far but it was in the perfect spot.


There was a roughing the passer call and the Colts take the yardage on the PAT try instead of the kickoff. Then they kick it to make it 22-13. ANOTHER bad snap by the Cardinals' backup center. Murray misses Green on 4th and 6. Timing issue? Green hadn't made it to the spot yet. Murray scramble comes back because of a hold. Cardinals are playing this like Washington did on Tuesday. Edmonds sneaks past the marker with a minute left. The Cardinals basically need to score right now. Cards trying the field goal after two missed shots at the end zone, which they probably should have done sooner. Prater finally makes this one. Onside kick predictably doesn't work.


The Colts should get in now. And the Cardinals are officially reeling. (Colts 22, Cardinals 16)

Signal Finder: NYG @ PHI, BAL @ CIN, PIT @ KC

Eagles avoid early disaster when JJAW is there to recover Gainwell's fumbled kickoff. Hurts throws a bad interception on third down. Why did they open with three straight passes? Can't see anything from that angle. Call REVERSED and Hurts gets lucky. Jake Fromm starting for the Giants because why not — you're 4-10. He goes three and out. Sanders with a drop on 3rd and 15. That's the second one already. Barkley crosses midfield and gets a first down. Eagles send everyone and hit Fromm, forcing an incompletion. Eagles go three and out again. The Giants try to catch the Eagles off guard by lining up to go for it on forth and 3 from midfield, then rushing off the whole offense for the punt team with 20 seconds left on the play clock. It doesn't actually work. Vilma's not a fan.


Illegal block penalty makes it first and 20. Both these offenses currently stink. Slay drops an interception. He signals that the sun got in his eyes. Sure. Fromm misses Slayton open downfield. Giants run a draw on 3rd and 10 for... some reason. They're gonna try a 54-yarder. It's good. Hurts scrambles and finds Smith for 22 on 3rd and 5. Hurts finds Reagor between two defenders. Pass to the end zone is broken up. Reagor drops the ball and hears it from the crowd. Sirianni's mad that they blew the whistle when the Giants jumped offsides, taking away a free play. Elliott misses from 41. I have a bad feeling about this. Giants can't do anything and Reagor actually has a decent return on the punt. Get Smith the ball! Did Hurts throw that too early? He went to Watkins but he wasn't anywhere close to the end zone, Meanwhile Goedert was open in the corner. Field goal is good. These two were the starters in the 2018 national title game — the one where Hurts was benched for Tua at halftime. Why are the Giants running Fromm? Pressure forces him to throw it away on 3rd and 5 at midfield. 3-3 at the half and the fans are displeased.

Sanders is out with a hand injury. Fromm gets pressured and throws a pick! Eagles may have gotten away with a facemask? Touchdown Scott!


BIG punt return by Reagor. That's the biggest cheer he's gotten all season. Lot of movement on the line and the refs say it was a false start. Eagles kick a field goal. Mike Glennon's in? Jeez. The Giants are a joke.


QUEZ!! That ball was destined to be intercepted and Watkins practically took it away from the defender. Smith with a falling catch in the end zone... was he inbounds? It's called a touchdown, but they review it and say no. Are they saying his left foot wasn't in?


Vilma sees a bobble. Are they still looking at it? They are, and they CHANGE IT BACK. This is chaos. Pereira calls it a "double reverse."


Hurts slides and gets hit. On the field: "That's a bad fucking call." Vilma: "Well, now you know how the Giants feel."


Someone's WIDE open on this play fake. It's LANE JOHNSON! Eagles are just trolling the Giants now.


PICK SIX FOR SINGLETON. 34-3. T.J. Edwards almost had another pick. We shouldn't see Hurts again today (especially since Jordan Howard is also in the locker room.) Are we really doing a steadicam in the broadcast booth? There's still five minutes left?


You know what it is? All these Belichick guys keep getting jobs and they all keep flaming out because they only have about 25 percent max of what makes Belichick the coach he is. And none of them seem to have the same 25 percent, either. Weis was arrogant, McDaniels is a snake, Patricia was lazy, Crennell wasn't a good strategist, Flores apparently can't put together a coaching staff, and Judge just lacks perspective. You think Belichick would have whined about the Eagles "tanking" Week 17 last year? Hell no. He'd have been mad that his team only won six games. Stop hiring these clowns. (Eagles 34, Giants 10)

Now Huntley's on the COVID list for the Ravens, so Josh Johnson's going to start. But before that, the Bengals have challenged a third-down play saying that the Ravens had 12 men on the field. LOOOOOL. BOTH TEAMS HAD 12 MEN ON THE FIELD. So the play just doesn't count. Pass is incomplete and the Bengals kick a field goal. Ravens come out throwing, which is surprising. Ravens run a quick slant and Bateman gets it for the score. Anthony Averett gets carted off after this Uzomah catch. Bengals false start. Mixon gets stood up on third and goal. They give it to him again and this time he scores. BOYD! Nothing the Ravens can do there. That's a 68-yard touchdown. Ravens can't keep going three and out like this. Quick pass to Mixon and he dives to the end zone. Touchdown! That drive was all Mixon. 24-7 Bengals and this is starting to get out of hand. Von Bell misses an interception by inches. Johnson finds Andrews in space and he takes it to the Bengals' 11. Freeman pushes the pile and gets into the end zone. The Ravens needed that. Higgins with a leaping catch over two defenders! Harlan shouts out the broadcast's director, Suzanne Smith, for getting the shot. This should stand and does. Daryl Worley intercepts Burrow in the end zone but he gets called for holding. Touchdown Bengals! Burrow already has 299 passing yards. 31-14 at halftime. The Bengals are running a four-minute offense in the third quarter. Uzomah with a drop on 3rd and 13, ending a 10 1/2-minute drive. Field goal is good. The ensuing kickoff goes out of bounds, which is suboptimal. Touchdown Andrews on a clutch throw from Johnson on the run. Have the Bengals run the ball on this series? (No.) I don't think Burrow has an incompletion, either. (He doesn't.) Touchdown Higgins and they've shredded the Ravens defense in both of their meetings. They're still doing it, as Boyd appears to have another touchdown on what looks like a great catch. But replay shows the ball come out. Harlan didn't notice it until about the third replay. Call REVERSED. Long field goal is no good. Bengals are NOT letting up. Burrow's got 525 passing yards after that throw to Mixon. Was that the end of the game? (Bengals 41, Ravens 21)

Last gasp for Jones and this isn't even close to anyone. Jones throws up effectively a Hail Mary and Micah Hyde comes down with his second interception today. Bills are now in first place via the division tiebreaker. (Bills 33, Patriots 21)

What version of Chargering is this? (Texans 41, Chargers 29)

The new COVID wave's even hit the studio shows — Curt, Terry and Strahan are alone on FOX, while Nate Burleson's running The NFL Today without James Brown.


Chiefs can now clinch the West. Travis Kelce didn't clear COVID protocols in time, but Tyreek Hill did. Chiefs have their backup kicker. May be worth noting. High throw from Ben but Johnson comes down with it. Pocket falls apart and Ben goes down. Chiefs on the move early. Have they called a running play yet? Williams breaks a tackle and drags his man three more yards. Steelers jump offsides, negating the interception Mahomes throws. Pass to Gray comes up short. Chiefs go for it and give it to the fullback, who gets the first down and almost scores. Edwards-Helaire breaks out of a tackle and scores. Both Romo and I have no idea how he got through two defenders who were ON him. Chiefs intercept a flea-flicker! That pass was a little high, too, and Ward wasn't fooled at all. Steelers immediately jump offsides. Mahomes fumbles but Joe Thuney is on it. Touchdown Pringle! Steelers can't get anything started. New guy on for a 44-yarder and it's good. 17-0 Chiefs. Nantz says these teams haven't met since 2018, which can't be true. Big-time catch by Claypool. Followed by another one. Graphical jinx on this Boswell miss. Mahomes goes deep to Derrick Gore (!!) for 50! This is abuse. Nantz and Romo talk about how much more chaos the Chargers losing caused in the AFC playoff race. Pitch to Hardman, who takes it down the sideline and scores. Call stands on review. PAT is missed but it's 23-0. No one in the AFC has clinched a playoff spot yet. Steelers go for it on 4th and 1 with a pitch to Harris, but the Chiefs follow him with about six guys and swallow him up. Don't like going for it from your own 33 there.


Things don't get much better to start the second half, but at least they get a stop on defense. Johnson fumbles! Chiefs ball! He just DROPPED it. As I said, things don't get much better to start the second half. Pringle makes four Steelers miss and scores. 30-0. Time to go to Vegas, Channel 3. Steelers get bailed out with a pass interference call on a desperation heave on 4th and 4. Then they false start on 4th and 10. Sad field goal time. It's good. Why are we still watching this game? Ben fumbles and the Chiefs return it to the Steelers' 6. They botch a handoff or something? Romo says it was a fake reverse but they never reversed it. They switch to Broncos-Raiders for the kneeldown. Thanks, guys! Then they switch BACK. There's still 7:36 left. (Chiefs 36, Steelers 10; Raiders 17, Broncos 13)



WE HAVE A NICK FOLES SIGHTING. Sure, Bears, why not. That two-point conversion catch by Byrd is a catch of the year candidate. (Bears 25, Seahawks 24)

Cowboys doing pitchy pitchy woo woo on 3rd and 16 on the opening drive? The hell is going on here? Trevon Diggs intercepts Heinecke on a long ball intended for McLaurin. Elliott run and two passes to Schultz have the Cowboys inside the 10. Zeke WALKS in. Dude lays down next to Heinecke after sacking him? Isn't that taunting? Schultz with an easy touchdown. DeMarcus Lawrence with an interception! He's making moves. Touchdown. We might be done here already.


Gibson makes a catch in the flat and scores to open the second. Dak finds Gallup wide open down the near sideline for 41. Zeke goes left and pushes his way to the 1. Did they call it a touchdown? They should. They DO. Now Jonathan Allen and Da'Ron Payne are yelling at each other on the sideline. Did someone just take a swing? This is chaos. Michele reminds us that they were teammates in college!


Tackle-eligible! Touchdown! We've had four of those today that I know of. What's the record? (It was two.)


Why did they let the Cowboys get the ball back? Don't know why the Cowboys keep taking deep shots from the Washington side of the field. Then they go short(er) on 4th and 2 and pick it up with Schultz. Could've made things a lot easier. Touchdown Cooper! Take a knee, Heinecke. Nobody needs to get hurt. It's 42 TO 7. AT HALFTIME. BLOCKED PUNT. Touchdown Cowboys. That's pretty much BINGO, right? Corey Clement blocked it!


I don't let Dak take another snap if I'm McCarthy. But he's an idiot, so who knows what'll happen here. Well, Cooper Rush is in with 1:30 left in the third. Touchdown... who the hell is this? Cowboys out here running play action up 41. That's hate. Ah, Washington got to double digits. That's nice. (Cowboys 56, Washington 14)

IAN BOOK SZN. At least he has Kamara because I don't see how the Saints score points tonight. Laura Rutledge on the sideline this evening. That's an extra 15 yards for throwing Waddle down out of bounds. Saints can't afford those.


Tua throws incomplete under pressure on third down. It's Book time. HE'S the all-time leader in quarterback wins at Notre Dame, if you can believe that. Pick six for the Dolphins! That pass got slightly tipped and Nick Needham was right there. There's not a wealth of talent on the Dolphins' defense — they've got a couple guys, Howard, Wilkins — but they bring all kinds of pressure. Griese notes that that was the 20th tipped pass by the Dolphins. Waddle with four catches already. Philip Lindsay's a Dolphin? Huh. Is this a fumble? Refs decide it's not. Lindsay hasn't fumbled EVER, in 678 attempts. Tua gets rocked and loses the ball, but the Dolphins recover, albeit about 10 yards back. Sanders hits a 48-yarder. Book can't outrun the Dolphins' pass rush. Book hits Callaway downfield for the Saints' first first down. Not sure why Howard didn't get flagged for throwing Callaway down like Lattimore did to Waddle. Wilkins and Kamara getting into it. Levy didn't get a beignet this morning. Maybe tomorrow, before they fly out.


And Quinn was out of the league and in the broadcast booth at age 30. It's grim out in those South Bend QB streets. Book gets it to Kamara for a first down. Flag? Announcers think it's roughing the passer and they're right. Saints end up with a field goal. Waddle's already the Dolphins' best receiver. The refs really want to overturn this catch by Smythe but I'm not sure they can. Call STANDS. Tua gets sacked. Sanders misses from 59 to end the half. What's Payton mad about? The Dolphins getting their time out back? Man, he really constantly gets red-assed about the pettiest stuff. That's an arm punt. No reason for Tua to throw that, and Lattimore gets a jumping pick. Saints, as per recent history, can't do anything with it. Tua to Mack Hollins for 40. Duke Johnson's the best back the Dolphins have had in years and he just joined the team three weeks ago. Dolphins throw it on 3rd and 2 from their 3, but it gets broken up, BUT there's a roughing the passer penalty on the Saints. Quick pitch to Waddle for a touchdown! Tua scrambles out of the pocket and takes a shot to the back that stops him short. The Saints' offense is dead. DEAD. Tua finds Gesicki for a first down inside the 30. Field goal makes it 20-3. First thing Book's gotta do is throw the ball away. He gets flattened on the next play. These Dolphins HIT. Is this a fumble! The Dolphins run it back for a possible score. Refs rule Kamara was down. The Dolphins haven't won in the Superdome since 1986? They've won in New Orleans since then, but that game was at Tulane Stadium. Riddick and Griese recount that both of their first NFL starts were against Dan Marino. Dolphins get another interception. They're about to follow an L7 with a W7, which has never happened before. crosses off Saints (Dolphins 20, Saints 3)


RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
 1. Green Bay (12-3) — Gotta survive
2. Kansas City (11-4) — This was a BEATING
3. L.A. Rams (11-4) — A necessary bounce back
4. Tampa Bay (11-4) — Finally, a division title

BOTTOM 4:
 29. N.Y. Jets (4-11) — Zach Wilson, runner?
30. N.Y. Giants (4-11) — Meanwhile, this was hilarious to watch
31. Detroit (2-12-1) — Still hanging around
32. Jacksonville (2-13) — Better pick a better coach this time

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