Saturday, January 29, 2022

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 17: Tough Actin'


Signal Finder: PHI @ WSH, LAR @ BAL (end), HOU @ SF, AZ @ DAL

Sims makes a twisting catch in mid-air for a first down. Washington finding all the open spaces so far. After the first commercial there's a mini-John Madden video package, and then they change the Fox logo in the top right corner to a picture of Madden. Jaret Patterson takes a sweep left and goes in untouched. That was too easy.


Boston Scott starts for Miles Sanders. Hurts to Smith for 30! Eagles go for it on 4th and 2. They give it to Howard out of the shotgun and he doesn't get it. I would not have gone for it there.


Heinecke under pressure and throws up a duck that Seals-Jones manages to pull down. That's more pressure than the Eagles got on the first series, so that's something. He scrambles away, gets caught, and throws up an even worse floater that Genard Avery intercepts, but he gets called for illegal contact. Washington challenges this fumble that they recovered but lost four yards on. It looks like the runner was down. Field goal makes it 10-0. Recap of last year's now-infamous season finale. Nice catch-and-run by Scott. Hurts throws on the run and finds Goedert inside the 10. Hurts misses Smith in the end zone on third down. Kick it. What are you doing? I like this decision less than the last one. Handoff to Scott, who scores easily. Wait, Smallwood? WENDELL Smallwood? He's still in the league? Has Heinecke thrown an incompletion yet? No, but the Eagles finally got to him for a sack. Heinecke rolls right and fires to the end zone, but the pass is broken up and Seals-Jones mows down a cameraman. Seals-Jones is eventually carted off. 39-yarder by Slye is good. 13-7. Hurts takes off for 22. He spins out of a sack but eventually gets caught. Punt is downed at the 5. Camera man's back out with a bandage on his nose. Not sure why the Eagles aren't using their time outs. Smallwood gets hit so hard the "38" on his helmet gets knocked off. For that matter, I'm not sure why Washington isn't using their time outs. Oh, they have. Somehow there's only 25 seconds left. The Eagles try to ice Slye, but it doesn't work (because it NEVER works) and he hits from 55. 16-7 Washington at halftime. Eagles get the second half kickoff. Hurts finds Scott on an out-and-up route and he crosses midfield. Goedert makes a leaping catch on 3rd and 4 and then tumbles over a stretching table on the sideline. Hurts running all over the place on third down and he eventually finds Ward at the 4! Eagles don't get in after three runs. They go for it again (ugh). Hurts trips but pitches it to Scott, who takes it outside and dives into the end zone! Come on, man. That had no business working. Schlereth's wearing his All-Madden jacket. Josh Sweat with another sack. Two straight incompletions downfield, then Hurts has to throw it away on third down. Big scramble by Heinecke. Avery sacks him back at the 15. Wait, how far up were they before? Fourth and 25? Not a great punt. Goedert might have scored if he hadn't landed on his back after that catch. Lane false starts for the second time today. The Eagles' offensive line hasn't been great. Watkins gets 10 back, and Elliott just sneaks it inside the right upright from 42. Eagles lead!


That's... not a great interference call on Maddox. Eagles blow this screen all the way up. Washington goes for it on 4th and 5. from the Eagles 49. Incomplete! Eagles ball with 7:30 left. Time for the four-minute offense to last six minutes. Okay, so it lasted five. That would have been a tough catch for Reagor to make even if he wasn't covered so tightly. Elliott makes it 20-16 with 2:25 left. Two passes get knocked down at the line. Heinecke finds Bates, who rumbles over a defender and lands right at the sticks. Sims with another circus catch but he's out of bounds. Patterson with another first down at the Eagles' 20. Washington calls its last time out with 30 seconds left. Pass into the end zone is off target... and intercepted by McLeod! This'll be reviewed. Goldsmith: "This should be a good angle. [Bates's helmet is completely blocking the play in the end zone] Or not." Call STANDS. That's it. That was close, because they're not beating the Cowboys next week.




(Eagles 20, Washington 16)

On the second Clark interception (yes, second; he returned his first one for a touchdown), Beckham appeared to punch him in the ass afterwards. Rams running out of time. Touchdown Beckham? Touchdown Beckham! Rams lead! Von Miller buries Huntley. Ravens running out of time. They spike it with three seconds left. Pitchy pitchy woo woo gets detonated. The Ravens are suddenly in panic mode. (Rams 20, Ravens 19)

This Week It Sucks To Be:


Down two touchdowns to the Jets? I'd walk off, too. This would solve so many problems. TOUCHDOWN CYRIL GRAYSON! Fifteen seconds left! Le'Veon Bell takes in the two-point conversion. Recap of... all of this. The Jets ran a sneak on 4th and 2 with the lead? Jesus. Brady out here autographing footballs afterwards. That was the first time they'd beaten the Jets in the Swamp? (Buccaneers 28, Jets 24)




So can I add "utterly delusional" to my Joe Judge criticism from last week? Yes? Good. Thank you. (Bears 29, Giants 3)

So... the Bengals had fourth and goal from the six-inch line and they lined up in shotgun and threw a pass? OFFSETTING PENALTIES. Now they're gonna do it again? Just run it! This is why I don't trust the Bengals — I don't think Zac Taylor can coach. Now this one's incomplete but there's a flag. It's on the Chiefs. Burrow's grabbing his knee? Now what? Brandon Allen comes in and just takes a knee, which I also don't get. RUN THE BALL, YOU IDIOTS. Allen spikes it with two seconds left. Field goal is GOOD!


The Bengals get their biggest win in at least a decade and are division champions. My God, that was all so unnecessary. (Bengals 34, Chiefs 31) All that and the Dolphins crap the bed anyway. (Titans 34, Dolphins 3)

49ers run a sweep with Kittle. Sure, fine, good. Trey Lance (starting for an injured Garoppolo) keeps it and runs wide to the left but the safety flies over and stops him short on 3rd and 2. Texans go three and out for the third straight series after the 49ers drop an interception. Hey, a scoreless first quarter. Splendid. Lance throws a pick on an underthrown ball. Touchdown Brandin Cooks. Not sure you should have a linebacker covering him, even one as good as Fred Warner. Delay of game on the defense? That's a new one. Oh, I see. Grugier-Hill punched the ball out of Samuel's hands because he didn't think he was down. Aiyuk gets out of bounds after a 27-yard catch and run. Deep ball for Aiyuk is a little too long. Seven seconds left. I might just kick the field goal now. The 49ers don't, and Aiyuk makes a great sideline catch. Archuleta and I thought it was going to be intercepted (the ball went off Terrence Mitchell's hands). Gould puts the 49ers on the board to end the half. Aiyuk making MOVES. A deep shot on 4th and 1 following two quarterback runs when you're already in field goal range? Really, Kyle? This is why you have a losing record as a head coach despite a Super Bowl trip. Then Mills throws an interception. WHEEL ROUTE to Mitchell for an easy touchdown. Graphics pulls up Archuleta's Madden screen as a rookie. Gumbel: "That may be the best photo of you yet." (There's no photo.) Cooks with a great catch in double coverage but it's coming back because of holding. Josh Norman gets called for DPI and that's not a great call either. Fairbarn MISSES. Lance goes long for Deebo. Touchdown! Texans go nowhere and turn it over on downs after another Gould field goal. Very helpful! (49ers 23, Texans 7)

Murray's still never lost in this stadium IN HIS LIFE. Buck rightfully says that Madden "gave FOX instant credibility" when they got the NFC package back in 1994. Greg Dortsch? Who? Edmonds follows it up with a 14-yard run and the Cardinals are across midfield. Murray to A.J. Green to the 3! He had to slow up or it would have been a touchdown. Cardinals false start. Buck notes how heavily penalized the Cardinals have been during this slide. It ends up costing them four points. Zeurlein MISSES from 43. Murray with a brilliant escape job and lob to Edmonds for 18, getting them out of their own end. FOX lists the quarterbacks the Cowboys have faced during their four-game winning streak, but it's five guys from THREE teams. Fake punt pass on 4th and 2! It's incomplete, but there's a penalty. Are they still fighting over the ball? It's DPI, which applies to all players on punt plays except for the gunners, which these two were not. Oh, did he CATCH that? Oh my God it's pinned to the defender's helmet and then to his BACK. Wow! First down Cardinals. There's another DPI, this one on Donovan Wilson, who had Ertz's arm hooked. Another red zone penalty on the Cardinals. Murray throws a touchdown to Wesley on the run. That was a 91-yard drive. Elliott with a big run that gets called back for holding. Tribute to Dan Reeves, who died yesterday. I never knew he threw a touchdown pass in the Ice Bowl. Tipped interception is called back because of DPI on the Cardinals. Lot of passes getting batted down at the line now. Byron Murphy's looking at his hands like he should have intercepted that one. Budda Baker jumps offsides. Aikman wonders whether Cooper could have done a better job of selling the contact downfield. Touchdown Gallup, who's down afterwards and holding his knee. Murray just misses Green deep down the sideline, which has Aikman baffled. Handoff to Edmonds gets a first down. Prater hits from 53 to end the half. 13-7 Cardinals. That's a ridiculous catch by Wesley for another touchdown. Pretty sure nobody has him in fantasy.


Cardinals go for two but it's incomplete as Murray gets chased backwards and throws it away. 19-7. Murray throws one up under pressure and it ends up in double coverage, but Kearse can't bring in the interception. Field goal makes it 22-7. Murray gets sacked back at his own 10. That's not a bad punt but it's not the one the Cardinals needed. Dak fumbles the snap but saves it. Then he scrambles 12 yards to the Cardinals' 10. Touchdown Wilson. Cowboys get the ball back and Dak hits Lamb for a big gain. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Then the Cowboys commit a face mask penalty because they can't get out of their own way when it matters. Cardinals tack on another field goal. WIDE RECEIVER PASS. Wilson throws it to Pollard for 40. Dak finds Cooper in the back of the end zone. Cowboys go for two and get it with Wilson. 4:42 left. Cardinals smartly staying inbounds. Edmonds goes left and he goes down inbounds. Ball comes out. Was he down? Oh my God, the Cowboys can't challenge! They're out of time outs! And they'd JUST called their last one.


Cardinals get a win they needed very badly. (Cardinals 25, Cowboys 22)

FROZEN TUNDRA. Eleven degrees at kickoff. SNF producer Fred Guadelli and director Drew Esocoff narrate the opening, which is another Madden tribute. Sean Mannion is the Vikings' quarterback tonight, but the Packers will get the ball first. (Both Kirk Cousins and his backup, Kellen Mond, are on the COVID list. Neither is vaccinated.) Rodgers drops one into the basket for Adams. Maybe run the ball at least once? Field goal is good and a win for the Vikings' defense. Replay of the field goal, which featured a shaky hold and good awareness by Crosby to slow up until the ball was set. Vikings' first play is a pass and it's complete. Packers challenge this, which is a bad idea whether they win it or not. They win it and get, what, six yards back? Pointless, really. One of the officials is having an issue. It's the umpire, and he goes into the blue tent. Rollout pass to the fullback on 4th and 3 in the first quarter? Really, Vikings? You need to lose. Big run by Jones for a first down. Packers line up on 4th and 3. They go to Adams in the end zone but it's incomplete. McKenzie Adams signaling for a flag when 1) it wouldn't make a difference — the Packers would just kick the field goal then; and 2) if there was interference, it was on him. Jones with another big run. Patrick Peterson gets away with interference on Adams, forcing a field goal. 6-0 Packers but it should be much more. Rashan Gary sacks Mannion.


We go to break with a serving of cheese curds. Adams JUST passed Don Hutson for fourth place on the Packers' receiving yards list. Don Hutson played in the 30's. Lazard wins a jump ball for a touchdown! Preston Smith gets a sack to end this Vikings drive. No one on Adams and he scores. Mannion keeps it and gets a first down. Don't dive headfirst! You're already the third-string quarterback! Vikings get a field goal to end the half. Collinsworth begging the Vikings to try to get the ball to Jefferson. Packers get a good punt return along with a hit out of bounds. FINALLY a Vikings player gets called for DPI. It's Eric Kendricks, who was covering Adams for some reason. Why is Florence + The Machine's "Ship to Wreck" playing over this Cousins streak graphic?



Fourth and 3 pass falls harmlessly to the turf. That deflected pass to Bradberry — the center — is the most exciting play the Vikings have had tonight. Mannion finds Osborn for a touchdown.


This needs to be Rodgers' last drive of the season. Touchdown Dillon. There's still eight minutes left? It's weird that the Eagles are now in but the 49ers aren't, even though they have the same record.


I'm legitimately surprised they haven't released the Week 18 schedule, since Browns-Steelers tomorrow night isn't that impactful anymore with the Browns being eliminated today. Another schedule tease? Cowboys-Eagles to Saturday night, after Chiefs-Broncos (why?) and Chargers-Raiders next Sunday night in an "in or out" game. (Packers 37, Vikings 10)

So all the Browns have left is to ruin Ben's last home game. And this is Ben's last home game. We knew that when he took a pay cut to come back this season. Imagine if the Browns had taken him instead. A wide-open Austin Hooper drops a pass off his fingers. We're seeing why one of these teams is eliminated and why the other one might as well be. Derek Watt out here getting carries. Steelers go for a 4th and 5 instead of a 54-yard field goal at the wrong end of the stadium, but the pass is knocked down and almost intercepted by... Malik McDowell? He's still in the league?


Goodell's on with the Mannings and his mic's cracking. One of Claypool's yellow shoes comes off as a penalty flag flies. It's against the Browns. Quick slant to Johnson finds paydirt. That was sick. Clowney strips Ben of the ball but he falls on it. Mayfield misses an open receive and ends up throwing an interception. Freiermuth spins away and gets inside the 20. McCloud goes up and takes a hit at the 4. Grant Delpit down after colliding with a teammate. Three straight passes inside the 5? What is this offense? Field goal is good. Riddick doesn't understand why the Browns aren't running the ball. Neither do I. Mayfield finds Landry for a first down, ending a streak of 10 straight incompletions


Now he's got three in a row. And T.J. Watt kills the momentum with a sack on third and 2. Why are the Browns throwing on 3rd and 2? Roethlisberger ends the half with a bad throw into traffic that gets intercepted. 10-0 Steelers. Stefanski's play calling is reminding me of how bad Doug Pederson was last year.


Najee Harris breaks one, and stiff arms MJ Stewart in the process. That run put him past Franco Harris for most rushing yards by a Steelers rookie (though Franco did it in 14 games.) Ben misfires horribly on a throw that may have been intended for McCloud? There's no way to be sure. Field goal is good. Snoop Dogg asks Peyton how it felt watching Eli beat the undefeated Patriots. Peyton says it was great, especially coming off of winning his own the year before. Mayfield finds Peoples-Jones over the middle and he gets 39. They gave it to Chubb! Njoku with a great catch in the air for a touchdown. It's 13-7! They pick up a face mask flag on Clowney. I'm not quite sure what he even grabbed. Browns burying themselves with penalties — now it's 1st and 20. That's a bad punt. Looks like Colquitt caught his plant foot in the grass, actually. Levy tells a story about how Chuck Noll offered Madden a job as his defensive coordinator a month before the Raiders offered him their head job. Harris has rushed for more yards than Ben has thrown for. Boswell hits a 50-yarder to make it 16-7. McCloud returns another short punt to the Browns' 35. Mayfield gets sacked by Highsmith with 3:26 left. That should do it.


The Mannings ask Aaron Rodgers about Jeopardy and he talks about how much he studied and prepared for it. Hmmm. Meanwhile the Steelers are beating Mayfield into the turf. Ben's only played two games at Heinz Field where the Steelers had already been eliminated from playoff contention. Touchdown Browns with 1:10 left? OK then. Onside kick fails. The Browns still have all of their time outs. And now they don't. Touchdown Harris! (Bad beat?)


Mayfield gets picked off again and that's gonna give Ben one more snap. Eli talks about how he and Ben came in in the same draft and salutes his career. Peyton: "This is a (victory) lap. We're gonna be here until 2 a.m." (Steelers 26, Browns 14)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
 1. Green Bay (13-3) — It's satisfying to achieve a goal at your rival's expense
2. Kansas City (11-5) — Felt like a bad matchup
3. L.A. Rams (12-4) — Stafford heroics you don't expect
4. Tampa Bay (12-4) — Cutting it CLOSE

BOTTOM 4:
 29. N.Y. Jets (4-12) — Shot themselves in the foot
30. N.Y. Giants (4-12) — Didn't even show up
31. Detroit (2-13-1) — Of course Rashaad Penny decides to stop sucking against them
32. Jacksonville (2-14) — Got hit with a 50-spot, a reminder that things can always get worse

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Wednesday, January 26, 2022

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 16: This is a Recording

What is that ensemble, Burkhardt? A half-zip under a suit jacket and over a collared shirt and tie? Deebo down at the 1 before he loses the ball. Jeff Wilson scores, as that's pretty much all he does. 49ers cruising down the field again. Interception in the end zone!


Janoris Jenkins is a Titan now? Juszczyk tries to make a one-handed catch on the sideline but can't. Pass to Deebo on 4th and 1 converts, and Deebo has to extend upwards to get it. Then things fall apart to the point that they're facing a 3rd and 26. They get seven back and Gould makes it 10-0. A.J. Brown with a catch tight on the sideline. This offense has missed him. Tannehill misses Brown on 3rd and 2 and the Titans have to punt. Rashard Evans drops an interception. Big Foreman run is called back by a holding penalty. Garoppolo sneak picks up a first down. Wait, what? Is Shanahan sitting on this? Why? Titans get the second-half kickoff. This is a disciplined march. And it ends with a field goal. Off-target throw by Garoppolo is intercepted! McNichols takes this to the 1. Touchdown Foreman. Aiyuk can't make the diving catch on fourth down and the Titans take over. They then lose yards on two consecutive plays. They take a deep shot on a free play and Brown makes a leaping catch. Third quarter ends. Tannehill fires a laser to Brown for a touchdown! 49ers in 3rd and 21. They get 12. (It feels like there have been a lot of third-and-really-long in this game.) Tannehill dumps it to Firsker for another first down. Then they try a wide receiver pass that almost gets picked off. That's a good punt. Down at the 3! Big run after the catch for Deebo! Down to the 5 and he's still down. Garoppolo finds Aiyuk in the back of the end zone! PAT is good even though the Titans came after it. Tannehill keeps it! Was that designed? Sure wasn't. Olsen sits on his own mic cable, muting him for a few seconds until Burkhardt realizes what's happened. 49ers start using time outs. Titans run the clock down to 8 seconds. Bullock hooks it but it still goes through! Touchback on the kickoff isn't ideal. Niners have one shot. That lasted longer than it probably should have.




(Titans 20, 49ers 17)

Touchdown Chubb. Extra point goes right. Packers pick up a fourth and short early and the announcers reference not doing so late in last year's NFC title game. Mayfield throws a pick right to Darnell Savage. Peoples-Jones never turned around. I'm not sure he knew the pass was coming. Rodgers throws a strike to Adams. Lazard makes the catch, stretches to the pylon, and gets there! That gives Rodgers the Packers' touchdown passing record. After the commercial, FOX replays the video message Favre sent. "Go win us another Super Bowl" he ends it with. Packers challenge this Peoples-Jones catch. They'll lose. He's down. High throw by Mayfield gets intercepted. Lazard with a one-handed catch to end the first quarter. Browns blitz and Rodgers finds Adams for a touchdown. That's their 66th touchdown hookup, also now the most in Packers history. Touchdown Bryant! Two guys followed D'Ernest Johnson and left Bryant alone. Stokes breaks up the two-point try in the end zone. 14-12 Packers. Did MJ Stewart just pull his finger out of Aaron Jones's shoelaces? He tackled him and then fiddled with the shoe for a couple seconds. Mayfield gets picked AGAIN, this time by Douglas. Landry slipped and fell and Douglas came over the top. Adams is knocked out at the Browns' 1 after a quick out route. 21 seconds left. Touchdown Adams! Browns are offsides. Each Browns turnover has led to a Packers touchdown. That's how you lose. Rodgers heads into the locker room early, as he's been limping a couple of times during this game. 21-12 Packers at halftime. Browns finally get a stop and the Packers add a field goal. Good run by Chubb. Mayfield gets sacked and loses 12. Field goal is good. 24-15 after 3. Mayfield gets sacked again. Fourth and 22 with 9 minutes left and the Browns are... going for it? Penalty flag comes out and they change their minds and punt. Mayfield's not trying to go deep anymore. And as I say that he misses Peoples-Jones in the end zone. Johnson takes it 30 yards inside the 5. Browns catch the Packers off guard and Mayfield finds Anthony Schwartz for a touchdown. PAT makes it 24-22 with 4:31 left. Browns get a stop at 2:05! Mayfield gets picked off AGAIN! Good Lord. That one probably should have been DPI.




Yeah, there's that, too. (Packers 24, Browns 22)

Leonard and Pascal went on the COVID list about four hours before kickoff. Cardinals get the ball first and end up trying a 51-yarder. Prater pushes it left. TAYLOR. Wentz finds Hilton coming across for an easy touchdown. You're supposed to stay with your man on defense. MURRAY!


Chase Edmonds takes it in from the 2. Prater misses the extra point. He's having a rough night. Badgley is short from 53. Apparently nobody can make a kick in this building tonight. Open the roof! Ertz with a falling one-handed catch on the sideline. Reich challenges it. That looks good to me. Oh, that ball is juggling. This is coming back. Wentz gets bull rushed and fumbles, but illegal contact downfield negates it. Eric Fisher limps off, further depleting the Colts' offensive line. Snap goes haywire and Murray gets chased back into the end zone and just dumps it. That's intentional grounding, right? The Colts think so. It is! That's a safety. 9-6 Colts. Now Quentin Nelson's replacement is hurt. Wentz scrambles but he's short. Another Cardinals penalty. That's seven this half. Pittman hurdles his man for a few extra yards. Insult to injury as Marco Wilson gets called for DPI after getting hurt trying to intercept a pass. Wentz scrambles to the 1. But it's coming back for holding. Now it's 3rd and 20 and this pass is tipped. Badgley hits from 41! A made kick! I'm wondering where Taylor was on that drive. Colts get the ball first to start the second half. Wait, what? The Cardinals just did a thing where they had Christian Kirk back to receive this punt, but Byron Murphy ran over and fielded it instead and got a 48-yard return out of it.


That's an INSANE throw and catch! Antoine Wesley? Who is that dude? Extra point is good and the Cardinals lead. Colts go for it on 4th and 4 but Wentz's throw is off-target. Cardinals get nothing out of the ensuing possession. Alie-Cox breaks a tackle and goes for 35 after a short throw. Colts regain the lead with a field goal. Long ball to Kirk gets broken up. Next play Murray looks for Green on the other side and that one's caught for 27. Prater misses AGAIN!! What is happening? Wentz to Hilton for 38! Touchdown Desmon Patton! That throw looked like it was too far but it was in the perfect spot.


There was a roughing the passer call and the Colts take the yardage on the PAT try instead of the kickoff. Then they kick it to make it 22-13. ANOTHER bad snap by the Cardinals' backup center. Murray misses Green on 4th and 6. Timing issue? Green hadn't made it to the spot yet. Murray scramble comes back because of a hold. Cardinals are playing this like Washington did on Tuesday. Edmonds sneaks past the marker with a minute left. The Cardinals basically need to score right now. Cards trying the field goal after two missed shots at the end zone, which they probably should have done sooner. Prater finally makes this one. Onside kick predictably doesn't work.


The Colts should get in now. And the Cardinals are officially reeling. (Colts 22, Cardinals 16)

Signal Finder: NYG @ PHI, BAL @ CIN, PIT @ KC

Eagles avoid early disaster when JJAW is there to recover Gainwell's fumbled kickoff. Hurts throws a bad interception on third down. Why did they open with three straight passes? Can't see anything from that angle. Call REVERSED and Hurts gets lucky. Jake Fromm starting for the Giants because why not — you're 4-10. He goes three and out. Sanders with a drop on 3rd and 15. That's the second one already. Barkley crosses midfield and gets a first down. Eagles send everyone and hit Fromm, forcing an incompletion. Eagles go three and out again. The Giants try to catch the Eagles off guard by lining up to go for it on forth and 3 from midfield, then rushing off the whole offense for the punt team with 20 seconds left on the play clock. It doesn't actually work. Vilma's not a fan.


Illegal block penalty makes it first and 20. Both these offenses currently stink. Slay drops an interception. He signals that the sun got in his eyes. Sure. Fromm misses Slayton open downfield. Giants run a draw on 3rd and 10 for... some reason. They're gonna try a 54-yarder. It's good. Hurts scrambles and finds Smith for 22 on 3rd and 5. Hurts finds Reagor between two defenders. Pass to the end zone is broken up. Reagor drops the ball and hears it from the crowd. Sirianni's mad that they blew the whistle when the Giants jumped offsides, taking away a free play. Elliott misses from 41. I have a bad feeling about this. Giants can't do anything and Reagor actually has a decent return on the punt. Get Smith the ball! Did Hurts throw that too early? He went to Watkins but he wasn't anywhere close to the end zone, Meanwhile Goedert was open in the corner. Field goal is good. These two were the starters in the 2018 national title game — the one where Hurts was benched for Tua at halftime. Why are the Giants running Fromm? Pressure forces him to throw it away on 3rd and 5 at midfield. 3-3 at the half and the fans are displeased.

Sanders is out with a hand injury. Fromm gets pressured and throws a pick! Eagles may have gotten away with a facemask? Touchdown Scott!


BIG punt return by Reagor. That's the biggest cheer he's gotten all season. Lot of movement on the line and the refs say it was a false start. Eagles kick a field goal. Mike Glennon's in? Jeez. The Giants are a joke.


QUEZ!! That ball was destined to be intercepted and Watkins practically took it away from the defender. Smith with a falling catch in the end zone... was he inbounds? It's called a touchdown, but they review it and say no. Are they saying his left foot wasn't in?


Vilma sees a bobble. Are they still looking at it? They are, and they CHANGE IT BACK. This is chaos. Pereira calls it a "double reverse."


Hurts slides and gets hit. On the field: "That's a bad fucking call." Vilma: "Well, now you know how the Giants feel."


Someone's WIDE open on this play fake. It's LANE JOHNSON! Eagles are just trolling the Giants now.


PICK SIX FOR SINGLETON. 34-3. T.J. Edwards almost had another pick. We shouldn't see Hurts again today (especially since Jordan Howard is also in the locker room.) Are we really doing a steadicam in the broadcast booth? There's still five minutes left?


You know what it is? All these Belichick guys keep getting jobs and they all keep flaming out because they only have about 25 percent max of what makes Belichick the coach he is. And none of them seem to have the same 25 percent, either. Weis was arrogant, McDaniels is a snake, Patricia was lazy, Crennell wasn't a good strategist, Flores apparently can't put together a coaching staff, and Judge just lacks perspective. You think Belichick would have whined about the Eagles "tanking" Week 17 last year? Hell no. He'd have been mad that his team only won six games. Stop hiring these clowns. (Eagles 34, Giants 10)

Now Huntley's on the COVID list for the Ravens, so Josh Johnson's going to start. But before that, the Bengals have challenged a third-down play saying that the Ravens had 12 men on the field. LOOOOOL. BOTH TEAMS HAD 12 MEN ON THE FIELD. So the play just doesn't count. Pass is incomplete and the Bengals kick a field goal. Ravens come out throwing, which is surprising. Ravens run a quick slant and Bateman gets it for the score. Anthony Averett gets carted off after this Uzomah catch. Bengals false start. Mixon gets stood up on third and goal. They give it to him again and this time he scores. BOYD! Nothing the Ravens can do there. That's a 68-yard touchdown. Ravens can't keep going three and out like this. Quick pass to Mixon and he dives to the end zone. Touchdown! That drive was all Mixon. 24-7 Bengals and this is starting to get out of hand. Von Bell misses an interception by inches. Johnson finds Andrews in space and he takes it to the Bengals' 11. Freeman pushes the pile and gets into the end zone. The Ravens needed that. Higgins with a leaping catch over two defenders! Harlan shouts out the broadcast's director, Suzanne Smith, for getting the shot. This should stand and does. Daryl Worley intercepts Burrow in the end zone but he gets called for holding. Touchdown Bengals! Burrow already has 299 passing yards. 31-14 at halftime. The Bengals are running a four-minute offense in the third quarter. Uzomah with a drop on 3rd and 13, ending a 10 1/2-minute drive. Field goal is good. The ensuing kickoff goes out of bounds, which is suboptimal. Touchdown Andrews on a clutch throw from Johnson on the run. Have the Bengals run the ball on this series? (No.) I don't think Burrow has an incompletion, either. (He doesn't.) Touchdown Higgins and they've shredded the Ravens defense in both of their meetings. They're still doing it, as Boyd appears to have another touchdown on what looks like a great catch. But replay shows the ball come out. Harlan didn't notice it until about the third replay. Call REVERSED. Long field goal is no good. Bengals are NOT letting up. Burrow's got 525 passing yards after that throw to Mixon. Was that the end of the game? (Bengals 41, Ravens 21)

Last gasp for Jones and this isn't even close to anyone. Jones throws up effectively a Hail Mary and Micah Hyde comes down with his second interception today. Bills are now in first place via the division tiebreaker. (Bills 33, Patriots 21)

What version of Chargering is this? (Texans 41, Chargers 29)

The new COVID wave's even hit the studio shows — Curt, Terry and Strahan are alone on FOX, while Nate Burleson's running The NFL Today without James Brown.


Chiefs can now clinch the West. Travis Kelce didn't clear COVID protocols in time, but Tyreek Hill did. Chiefs have their backup kicker. May be worth noting. High throw from Ben but Johnson comes down with it. Pocket falls apart and Ben goes down. Chiefs on the move early. Have they called a running play yet? Williams breaks a tackle and drags his man three more yards. Steelers jump offsides, negating the interception Mahomes throws. Pass to Gray comes up short. Chiefs go for it and give it to the fullback, who gets the first down and almost scores. Edwards-Helaire breaks out of a tackle and scores. Both Romo and I have no idea how he got through two defenders who were ON him. Chiefs intercept a flea-flicker! That pass was a little high, too, and Ward wasn't fooled at all. Steelers immediately jump offsides. Mahomes fumbles but Joe Thuney is on it. Touchdown Pringle! Steelers can't get anything started. New guy on for a 44-yarder and it's good. 17-0 Chiefs. Nantz says these teams haven't met since 2018, which can't be true. Big-time catch by Claypool. Followed by another one. Graphical jinx on this Boswell miss. Mahomes goes deep to Derrick Gore (!!) for 50! This is abuse. Nantz and Romo talk about how much more chaos the Chargers losing caused in the AFC playoff race. Pitch to Hardman, who takes it down the sideline and scores. Call stands on review. PAT is missed but it's 23-0. No one in the AFC has clinched a playoff spot yet. Steelers go for it on 4th and 1 with a pitch to Harris, but the Chiefs follow him with about six guys and swallow him up. Don't like going for it from your own 33 there.


Things don't get much better to start the second half, but at least they get a stop on defense. Johnson fumbles! Chiefs ball! He just DROPPED it. As I said, things don't get much better to start the second half. Pringle makes four Steelers miss and scores. 30-0. Time to go to Vegas, Channel 3. Steelers get bailed out with a pass interference call on a desperation heave on 4th and 4. Then they false start on 4th and 10. Sad field goal time. It's good. Why are we still watching this game? Ben fumbles and the Chiefs return it to the Steelers' 6. They botch a handoff or something? Romo says it was a fake reverse but they never reversed it. They switch to Broncos-Raiders for the kneeldown. Thanks, guys! Then they switch BACK. There's still 7:36 left. (Chiefs 36, Steelers 10; Raiders 17, Broncos 13)



WE HAVE A NICK FOLES SIGHTING. Sure, Bears, why not. That two-point conversion catch by Byrd is a catch of the year candidate. (Bears 25, Seahawks 24)

Cowboys doing pitchy pitchy woo woo on 3rd and 16 on the opening drive? The hell is going on here? Trevon Diggs intercepts Heinecke on a long ball intended for McLaurin. Elliott run and two passes to Schultz have the Cowboys inside the 10. Zeke WALKS in. Dude lays down next to Heinecke after sacking him? Isn't that taunting? Schultz with an easy touchdown. DeMarcus Lawrence with an interception! He's making moves. Touchdown. We might be done here already.


Gibson makes a catch in the flat and scores to open the second. Dak finds Gallup wide open down the near sideline for 41. Zeke goes left and pushes his way to the 1. Did they call it a touchdown? They should. They DO. Now Jonathan Allen and Da'Ron Payne are yelling at each other on the sideline. Did someone just take a swing? This is chaos. Michele reminds us that they were teammates in college!


Tackle-eligible! Touchdown! We've had four of those today that I know of. What's the record? (It was two.)


Why did they let the Cowboys get the ball back? Don't know why the Cowboys keep taking deep shots from the Washington side of the field. Then they go short(er) on 4th and 2 and pick it up with Schultz. Could've made things a lot easier. Touchdown Cooper! Take a knee, Heinecke. Nobody needs to get hurt. It's 42 TO 7. AT HALFTIME. BLOCKED PUNT. Touchdown Cowboys. That's pretty much BINGO, right? Corey Clement blocked it!


I don't let Dak take another snap if I'm McCarthy. But he's an idiot, so who knows what'll happen here. Well, Cooper Rush is in with 1:30 left in the third. Touchdown... who the hell is this? Cowboys out here running play action up 41. That's hate. Ah, Washington got to double digits. That's nice. (Cowboys 56, Washington 14)

IAN BOOK SZN. At least he has Kamara because I don't see how the Saints score points tonight. Laura Rutledge on the sideline this evening. That's an extra 15 yards for throwing Waddle down out of bounds. Saints can't afford those.


Tua throws incomplete under pressure on third down. It's Book time. HE'S the all-time leader in quarterback wins at Notre Dame, if you can believe that. Pick six for the Dolphins! That pass got slightly tipped and Nick Needham was right there. There's not a wealth of talent on the Dolphins' defense — they've got a couple guys, Howard, Wilkins — but they bring all kinds of pressure. Griese notes that that was the 20th tipped pass by the Dolphins. Waddle with four catches already. Philip Lindsay's a Dolphin? Huh. Is this a fumble? Refs decide it's not. Lindsay hasn't fumbled EVER, in 678 attempts. Tua gets rocked and loses the ball, but the Dolphins recover, albeit about 10 yards back. Sanders hits a 48-yarder. Book can't outrun the Dolphins' pass rush. Book hits Callaway downfield for the Saints' first first down. Not sure why Howard didn't get flagged for throwing Callaway down like Lattimore did to Waddle. Wilkins and Kamara getting into it. Levy didn't get a beignet this morning. Maybe tomorrow, before they fly out.


And Quinn was out of the league and in the broadcast booth at age 30. It's grim out in those South Bend QB streets. Book gets it to Kamara for a first down. Flag? Announcers think it's roughing the passer and they're right. Saints end up with a field goal. Waddle's already the Dolphins' best receiver. The refs really want to overturn this catch by Smythe but I'm not sure they can. Call STANDS. Tua gets sacked. Sanders misses from 59 to end the half. What's Payton mad about? The Dolphins getting their time out back? Man, he really constantly gets red-assed about the pettiest stuff. That's an arm punt. No reason for Tua to throw that, and Lattimore gets a jumping pick. Saints, as per recent history, can't do anything with it. Tua to Mack Hollins for 40. Duke Johnson's the best back the Dolphins have had in years and he just joined the team three weeks ago. Dolphins throw it on 3rd and 2 from their 3, but it gets broken up, BUT there's a roughing the passer penalty on the Saints. Quick pitch to Waddle for a touchdown! Tua scrambles out of the pocket and takes a shot to the back that stops him short. The Saints' offense is dead. DEAD. Tua finds Gesicki for a first down inside the 30. Field goal makes it 20-3. First thing Book's gotta do is throw the ball away. He gets flattened on the next play. These Dolphins HIT. Is this a fumble! The Dolphins run it back for a possible score. Refs rule Kamara was down. The Dolphins haven't won in the Superdome since 1986? They've won in New Orleans since then, but that game was at Tulane Stadium. Riddick and Griese recount that both of their first NFL starts were against Dan Marino. Dolphins get another interception. They're about to follow an L7 with a W7, which has never happened before. crosses off Saints (Dolphins 20, Saints 3)


RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
 1. Green Bay (12-3) — Gotta survive
2. Kansas City (11-4) — This was a BEATING
3. L.A. Rams (11-4) — A necessary bounce back
4. Tampa Bay (11-4) — Finally, a division title

BOTTOM 4:
 29. N.Y. Jets (4-11) — Zach Wilson, runner?
30. N.Y. Giants (4-11) — Meanwhile, this was hilarious to watch
31. Detroit (2-12-1) — Still hanging around
32. Jacksonville (2-13) — Better pick a better coach this time

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Thursday, January 20, 2022

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 15: Until You Get Hit

Andre Roberts, out of exile in Houston, returns the kickoff to the Chiefs' 24 before... just falling down. Look, that's what happened. Ekeler pushes his way to the 4. Mike Williams can't hang on to a fastball in the back of the end zone. Williams is down and hurt after the third-down incompletion. The Chargers go for it, but Donald Parham drops the ball in the end zone, and now he's hurt. Two commercial breaks later and the cart is out and he's strapped onto it.


Chiefs take over. Pass to the FULLBACK. Chiefs are humming on this drive. Edwards-Helaire gets a slightly generous spot. Touchdown!


Chiefs get an interception at midfield on a tipped pass. Chargers blitz but don't get there, and Mahomes flings one across his body to Kelce for 16. Hill salvages two yards out of a reverse that the Chargers didn't bite on. Field goal is good. Pretty slant route by Allen gets the Chargers to the 5. Herbert fakes a pitch and takes it in himself, just barely getting the corner. Picture in picture shows Erin's second UberEats ad while the live shot is of Erin walking down the sideline, but it cuts away just as she's about to ask someone something. Chargers don't huddle and Herbert finds Guyton in the back of the end zone. 14-10. Chargers scramble for this loose ball. It's ruled a fumble, and the Chargers will keep it. That goes down as Joey Bosa's sixth strip sack of the year.


Mike Williams is back in the game and he outjumps his man for the catch. Jared Cook has a pass go off his fingers. Herbert keeper comes up short of the goal line. Chargers call time out with three seconds left. They're going for it again. Now the Chiefs have called time out. Chargers go for it but the pass is knocked down! 14-10 Chargers at halftime. Is it raining out there? That car is soaked. Chiefs kick a field goal after the Chargers knock down two passes. Chargers pass up a 46-yarder for a 4th and 2 try. Pass to Cook is broken up!


Chargers are challenging this Kelce catch, saying he wasn't down before the ball came loose. This is a mistake. Call STANDS. Hill with a great catch under a lot of contact. I'm not sure how that ball even got in there. Kelce is stopped at the 1. Shovel pass comes up short. Now the Chiefs are going for it. Bad throw from Mahomes falls five feet in front of a wide-open Hardman. Justin Jackson breaks off a run. DPI on Hitchens. Looks less obvious on replay. Chargers go for another fourth down and give it to... Joshua Kelley? And it WORKS? Huh. Now Kelley fumbles on third and goal and the Chiefs recover! He leaped way too early and the ball got knocked out. Clear fumble. Whoa! Nwosu goes all the way up the ladder to get a pick at the Chiefs 2! TOUCHDOWN CHARGERS. They finally gave it to Ekeler instead of fucking around like every other time. Nice catch-and-run by Kelce for 69 yards. Touchdown Hill. 7:44 left and the Chiefs go for two. Mahomes looks for a receiver and finally Edwards-Helaire comes open. Jackson's been the one getting the Chargers' biggest runs tonight. Aikman almost imploring the Chargers to get a touchdown here. Herbert drills one to Allen for a touchdown! The Chargers haven't swept the Chiefs since 2013. Mahomes finds Hill on the run for a first down. Now Mahomes takes off and he's got a lot of field in front of him. He gets to the 10! How does that happen? TOUCHDOWN KELCE! 1:16 left! That took 61 seconds.



Chiefs force a punt (!) and get the ball back with 17 seconds left. Pringle stumbles out of bounds. Overtime! Why not try a Hail Mary? Chiefs win the toss. Buck notes that Hill has been stretching on the sideline and appears uncomfortable, which may explain that decision and will definitely influence future ones. Pass to Kelce gets them to midfield. Hill back in and he gets another first down. Kelce making moves! Touchdown! That was unnecessarily nutty. It feels like this matchup on Thursday nights has been crazy every time it's happened. That was the last Thursday Night Football on FOX. (Chiefs 34, Chargers 28, OT)

Burkhardt and Olsen on the call. This could have been a Sunday Night flex. Wentz overthrows Pittman on third down. Punt is fumbled but it goes out of bounds. Jones slips away from a sack and scrambles for a first down. This looks suspect... and yeah. Illegal man downfield. This time the Colts get to Jones. Jet sweep to Dulin gets 37 yards! Taylor rushes for another first down. I believe that snap just guaranteed the Eagles the Colts' first-round pick. Colts running over the Pats right now. Taylor throws a block for Hines, who scores. Meyers drops a third-down pass. Punt is BLOCKED! Touchdown Colts! Dude's name is "Speed." Awesome. That's his second one THIS SEASON??


Darius Leonard stonewalls Brandon Bolden. Colts are JACKED right now. Wentz sneaks it on fourth and 1 and gets a first down. He somehow finds Pascal among three Pats defenders. Replay shows Taylor absolutely wasted a blitzing Hightower. Colts grinding out this drive. Alie-Cox can't quite handle the pass and the Colts tack on three. High throw from Jones almost gets intercepted. Patriots on the move. This time Leonard gets the pick! Colts go into halftime up 17-0. Colts get another interception a minute into the second half! Wentz almost gives it right back, then gets buried on a sack. Badgley misses the field goal, but the Patriots were offsides, and he makes it on the second try. Now Stevenson fumbles but the Pats recover it in their first break tonight. Colts come flying offsides. Deep shot to Agholor is broken up. Jones to Agholor gets nine on 3rd and 11. They go for it but the pass is to absolutely no one. Another Wentz sneak converts another 4th and 1. The Patriots' interior defensive line remains a weak spot. Now we got a scrum. An official goes down. Duggar threw a forearm at Pittman and then ripped his helmet off. He might get run here. Flags are thrown and both players are out. Jones makes a desperate throw across his body and is lucky that Hunter Henry catches it. Patriots pitch it to Jonnu Smith, the other tight end, and he gets to the goal line but it's ruled not a touchdown. Also there's a penalty. Jones finds Henry for a touchdown to start the fourth. Hilton with a big catch. McCourty comes up with an interception! Where was that going? Jones finds Bolden on a wheel route and he just picks up the first down. Flea flicker attempt is dropped. Patriots go for it on fourth down and Jones finds Meyers. False start on 3rd and goal pushes them back. They've been putting themselves in not-great positions all night. Jones runs out of time and throws it away. They kick the field goal and the Colts can't be happier. Colts have run four minutes off this clock. Taylor gets stopped on third and short! They're lining up to go for it. Another sneak? Yep, and this one also works. 4:59 left and counting. What Olsen's missing is the fact that even with the field goal, it's still a two-possession game. Colts bail out and punt. 3:45 left. Offsetting penalties wipes out a Patriots first down. Jones gets a bomb to N'Keal Harry! He was also roughed, giving the Patriots first and goal. Touchdown Henry! Announcers discuss if the Patriots need to onside kick with 2:21 left. Burkhardt notes that Folk doesn't usually kick off. They try to pin it in the field of play but it doesn't go quite far enough. Taylor breaks through! Touchdown! Sendejo flattens Harry and gets the worst of it. Colts get a stop and it's over. That's their first win over the Pats since 2009! (Colts 27, Patriots 17)

Signal Finder: DAL @ NYG, TEN @ PIT, GB @ BAL


Cowboys win the toss and receive. Bad snap doesn't even get to Prescott, but he gets the pass away to Gallup, who gets a good spot for a first down. Mike Glennon starting again for the Giants. Interception! DeMarcus Lawrence got to Glennon and forced him to throw up a shot put that gets picked. Zeke finds just enough space and gets an easy touchdown. PAT misses. That looked shaky from the start and then got blown left. Booker takes off for 28 yards. WHAT? Barkley makes a wild catch — one-handed behind his back — and gets a first down out of it. Giants kick a field goal. Cowboys make it 9-3. We've got a situation here. This looks like a catch and fumble, recovered by the Cowboys. But was it a catch? Was the receiver touched down before the ball came out? It's an automatic booth review. Review says down by contact. Prescott gets sacked, forcing the Cowboys to settle for a field goal. Barkley FUMBLES! That never happens. Schultz gets out of bounds at the Giants' 18. Schultz gets to the 10 but is stood up, forcing the Cowboys to use their last time out. Field goal makes it 15-3 at halftime. Giants go for it on 4th and inches, give it to Booker on an outside run, and it WORKS. Fourth and short on their own 30 and the Giants go for it because why not? Giants sneak it with Glennon and get stopped. Burkhardt: "If it doesn't work, we're not talking about it." Lamb breaks tackles and gets inside the 15. Touchdown Schultz. Zeurlein doinks the extra point and it's 21-6. Penalty kills this Giants drive. Prescott is hit from behind and fumbles. Giants get it. Diggs appears to drop an interception in the end zone. McCarthy challenges. (Burkhardt notes it's the 100th time in McCarthy's career that he's challenged a call.) Call REVERSED. That's Diggs's 10th pick. Dean Blandino comes on and says he would not have changed the call. Jake Fromm in? His first career pass is caught, thankfully. I don't get this at all but Joe Judge doesn't know what he's doing. You think a guy who's never taken an NFL snap and doesn't even know two-thirds of the playbook is gonna get you 15 points in four minutes? Booth is reviewing this Golladay catch. Call STANDS. Fromm hits Golladay deep! Shepard goes down on a non-contact injury and he gets carted off. That guy's been burned terribly by injuries the past couple years. Fromm gets pressured, has to throw it early, and throws it between two defenders. So that's that. (Cowboys 21, Giants 6)

We're getting Titans-Steelers now on a last-minute switch because the Eagles game was postponed. McNIchol gets to the 1 but appears to take a blow to the head. Steelers with another poor punt. Tannehill keeper! Field goal goes through and then looks like it hits the screen. Steelers end up with a field goal. Now they can't stop the Titans. Romo's wondering why the Steelers haven't called a time out yet, with less than two minutes left. They get a stop! Titans only get three. Romo's still wondering why the Steelers didn't use any time outs on defense. That's interference. First and goal Steelers. Ben converts the sneak after coming up just short on second down. Tannehill's down. That's not a fumble. Referees correct the call. THIS is a fumble. The receiver never touches the ground, and the ball comes out after he stands up. Steelers ball.


Washington fumbles, but the Titans get called for roughing the passer! (Their first one this year, according to Nantz.) Oh no Tannehill. That's a bizarre interception. Steelers could really benefit from scoring a touchdown. Still, this field goal puts them ahead. Now the Titans have a bad snap! Steelers ball! Titans have fallen apart. We're done. Another field goal. Foreman's down and hurt for the Titans, who are out of running backs as it is. The Titans have had 86 players this season! He's back on the field three plays later for 4th and 1. The Titans run him off tackle right and this is close. They measure and he got it by half a football. Fumble! The Titans get it back but lose about five yards. They finally put it at the Steelers' 24, making it 3rd and 14. They get six, then go to Westbrook-Ikhine , but Haden stops him cold short of the marker. They measure and Good God that's close. Steratore calls it a "credit card" play, referring to when he used an index card to confirm a measurement.


And that was with a generous spot. It wasn't actually that close. The Steelers aren't dead yet. (Steelers 19, Titans 13)

What the hell, Cardinals? And did the Lions just cost themselves the No. 1 pick? (Lions 30, Cardinals 12)



There's no reason for this. (Texans 30, Jaguars 16)

Didn't Tyler Huntley start against the Bears? (He did.) Andrews breaks a tackle and picks up 44. Huntley keeps it and gets four on 4th and 1 after Aikman notes that the Ravens are basically out of defensive backs. Weird play as Huntley scrambles right despite a big opening on the left side while Hollywood and Bateman bump into each other in the end zone. Ravens go for it on fourth and goal but there's nothing there and he gets taken down. My goodness the Packers' special teams are abysmal. Huntley finds Andrews again. Then he picks one out of the air for a touchdown. Rodgers finds Lazard to end the quarter. He finds MVS for 31 on a slightly underthrown ball. Ticky-tack roughing the passer call sets up first and goal. Sweet play fake. Dillon takes it in. Huntley throwing the ball well here. Another touchdown for Andrews on a slightly short throw that he comes back to. "As the Toe Heals." Rodgers scrambles for eight and Aikman wonders if his toe's feeling better. Dillon with two spins on the far sideline. Buck's surprised at how fast the two-minute warning has arrived. "There are still people coming in from tailgating." It has been a fast half. Adams with a fingertip catch for a touchdown. Ravens go three and out (and lose another player to injury). Rodgers with a tight throw to MVS. Halftime. Harbaugh is in disbelief at that pass interference call. Aikman also hates it. Aaron Jones is all alone in the end zone for a touchdown catch. Ravens are about to go for it on fourth and 1 but they false start, and they end up settling for a field goal. Ravens try a short kickoff and the Packers are pinned at their own 12. They're finally announcing when the Madden doc will air (2 p.m., before the game) Meanwhile, the Packers are challenging that the Ravens had 12 men on the field. Looks like they're right. Rodgers' next touchdown pass will tie Favre for the most all-time as a Packer. I don't know why the Packers run the ball when they can feast in the air against this beyond-depleted Ravens secondary. Lazard takes a rough landing in the end zone. MVS stretches out and gets the touchdown. Marcedes Lewis showing off the old man wheels! Packers are suddenly in the red zone again. Like I said, don't run. Rodgers misses Lazard in the end zone, and the Packers will kick. Feel like Huntley's gonna make himself some money down the line. There's seven minutes left. He keeps it and makes the left pylon. Huntley takes off again! Andrews! They're in the red zone again with plenty of time. Aikman already thinks the Ravens will go for two if they score a touchdown here. Huntley takes it in himself! They do go for two. Huntley rolls right and throws to Andrews, but he's covered and the pass is tipped away! I get it. If you tie it and get to overtime, you're depending on winning the coin toss to try to score first. And if you don't, you get cut to pieces. The problem is this loss sends the Ravens to the 8 seed. There are only seven playoff spots. (Packers 31, Ravens 30)

Now Sean Payton's got COVID (again) and he's out, so DC Dennis Allen's running the ship tonight. Tirico and Collinsworth in the booth, and Michele Tafoya back on the sideline. Brady gets picked off by Lattimore? Yeah, he got it. It looked like it was closer to the ground than it was. Oh, he DIDN'T catch it. Replay shows it slip out of his hands. Shot of the splint on Taysom's finger. Saints score first with a field goal. Big-time catch by Marquez Callaway. But the Saints just don't have enough on offense to get touchdowns. Field goal makes it 6-0.


Is this another new kicker? Gronk with a drop. Godwin gets drilled but hangs on. He landed on his head. He walks off but we won't see him for a while. Evans makes a catch over Lattimore's head. Field goal is MISSED. Only Belichick and Tomlin have more wins among active coaches than Payton. Michele reports that Evans now has a hamstring injury. At least they still have Gronk. Brady gets sacked. How many rings would he have if the Saints had gotten to even one more Super Bowl? Both Evans and Godwin ruled OUT.


Neither offense is functioning right now. Fournette's not doing anything on the ground. Bucs are gonna have to lean on Brate. Apparently Fournette's now hurt, too. They're going for it on 4th and 1 with no players left. They go deep to Gronk but the pass sails too far. They were really in no man's land there — too far for a field goal, too close to punt. Also, Malcolm Jenkins may have gotten away with some contact. Bucs hold and Ronald Jones breaks off a big run. Brady takes off after the pocket collapses but Cameron Jordan knocks the ball out! Saints have it! Still 6-0 as the third quarter ends. This is the worst the Buccaneers have looked since probably this matchup on SNF last year, and they probably look worse tonight. Hill's very lucky that wasn't picked off. Field goal makes it 9-0. Saints get a coverage sack. Snap goes wide and Brady throws it away. There's still 3:47 left because all the interceptions are stopping the clock. Interception!! Gardner-Johnson broke on the route and that's that.


Brady's 255-start streak without a shutout is about to end. That was a 2006 game in Miami (where he still has a losing record all-time) against Nick Saban and Joey Harrington. God. (Saints 9, Buccaneers 0)


So Nick Mullens is starting for the Browns with Mayfield and Keenum still on the list. Abrams blows up a handoff, leading to the end of the drive. Renfrow gets a good punt return. The Browns just got John Johnson back about two hours ago. Carr finds Desean, who goes down rather than get tackled. Long pass to Peyton Barber gets the Raiders to the 3. Offensive holding moves them back. Bryan Edwards spins around and leaps in the air to bring down a touchdown. Peoples-Jones beats his man but can't hang on. It's a real shame Joe Thomas retired before the Browns stopped sucking. Carr under siege, throws it up, and Zay Jones draws a DPI on his defender. They're practically wrestling down there. Edwards fumbles but Renfrow is there to save it. They lose 12 yards, though. Mullens got to practice with the first-teamers once this week, and only because the game was moved. Pass to Renfrow is knocked away at the 1. Carr scrambles and that ends how you'd expect. Carlson hits 24-yarder to make it 10-0. DPI flag will give the Browns a chance here with 20 seconds left. 47-yarder MISSES. 10-0 Raiders at halftime.


Raiders run a fake punt! Direct snap to the up man gets two on fourth and 1. Carr sacked and fumbles. Browns ball! Touchdown Chubb. Raiders start the fourth quarter with a Carr misfire on 3rd and 9. Field goal is good. Peoples-Jones goes up and makes a big catch on third down. Peoples-Jones AGAIN. Chubb scores easily. Too easily. That's coming back. Touchdown Browns! Bryant got knocked down but got back up and got himself open for a scrambling Mullens to find him. Carr throws a long ball that's intercepted by Greedy Williams. Browns get the clock down to 1:55 before having to punt. Oh, look, a Raiders penalty at a grossly inopportune time. THAT'S never happened before. They were in field goal range. Now it's 2nd and 11 at their own 43 with 29 seconds left. Moreau gets the first down before running out of bounds. Pass to Jones gets them to the Browns' 30. They spike it with three seconds left. Browns call timeout, fooling Joe Davis, who called the kick as if it was good. (It was but didn't count,) Carlson tries again and it's GOOD! (Raiders 16, Browns 14)

No Adam Thielen for the Vikings, but the Bears are minus their entire starting secondary. The Vikings shouldn't call a single running play tonight. The Bears got a guy named "Dee Virgin" back there. He's never taken a snap. Vikings feeding Cook. Bears giving Jefferson way too much cushion on 3rd and 5. Even Cousins can figure that out. Touchdown Vikings.


Fields fumbles on a bootleg and the Vikings recover. Personal foul downfield is one of those that looks worse than it was in real time. Matt Nagy is LIVID. Feels like he could've gotten tossed if he'd gone on any longer. Riddick notes that he's also calling plays again tonight because some assistants are out. Quinn sacks Cousins on third down. Field goal is good. Fields finds Mooney all alone at the Vikings' 40 and he gets 10 more yards. There's a scuffle after this Montgomery run. Bears are called for offensive offsides. Now the Vikings have challenged, saying Montgomery fumbled. Review says he DID. Wait, that Week 18 Saturday's a doubleheader? So TWO irrelevant games? Montgomery with a falling sideline catch. Fields pulls the ball back and gets sacked. Griese is dumbfounded. "You can't take a sack on a screen!" Third and 24. OK. Bears get a field goal out of it. Who got pizza? Even Lisa Salters got some on the sideline.


Cousins throws up a long ball and Deon Bush picks it off and returns it across midfield.


Refs miss Jefferson being held. It feels like Cousins threw it after Jefferson was taken down, though. Would he have gotten down there to make a play on it? Santos tries a 49-yarder but someone got a piece of it. No good. Vikings avert end-of-half disaster for the first time this season. (They've had some truly terrible things happen to them in the last two minutes.) Fields gets sacked. Graphic shows the Vikings have the most sacks in the league and the Bears have been sacked more than any team in the league. Danielle Hunter still leads the Vikings with six and he went down for the season in like Week 8. Bears get flagged for a chop block that's... not really a chop block. Another post-play scuffle and this time flags come out. This is an "all right, time to stop" flag, and it's also on the Bears. Touchdown Vikings! Someone names Ismir Smith-Marsette is open in the back of the end zone.


We got another confrontation after Fields gets shoved. Rookie Teven Jenkins gets flagged for taking a swing at a Vikings player. Griese commends him for standing up for his quarterback. Punt pins the Vikings deep. Cousins goes headfirst on 3rd and 6 and just gets the first down. A pissed-off Nagy challenges the spot. Seriously, he's about to get run. The Vikings' punter is out but there's no announcement as to what happened. Punt is BLOCKED and the ball dies at the Vikings' 30. Bears go for it on 4th and short and it's a disaster. Montgomery wasn't in the game because of a helmet issue, Mooney was scrambling to get into the backfield before the snap, Fields got chased out of the pocket, the whole thing was a train wreck. Bears muff the punt! Vikings ball! Seriously, throw it down these guys' throats, Vikings. What are you doing? Hicks levels Cousins. Fields gets run over after kneeling down. Bears start doing what the Vikings should be doing — attacking the secondary. Fields gets hit again after sliding and five flags come out. He took a shot to the head, and Griese notes that Fields slides with his head up where most quarterbacks don't. And Kendricks (who hit him) gets tossed! Fields throws into traffic and Patrick Peterson leaps to break it up. Jimmy Graham drops a touchdown because Peterson was in his face. Bears going for it with 8:35 left. Pass to Mooney is too far and he comes down out of bounds. That's the first stop the Vikings have gotten on a goal-to-go situation this year. The Bears have challenged this. They lose. Only the Ravens and Bears have never fired a head coach in-season. Levy tells us that the NFL is trying a new rule that teams with coaching vacancies (read as: teams that have already fired their coach or have told their coach that he won't be retained) can start interviewing candidates in the last two weeks of the regular season. There's still five minutes left?


Griese thinks the NFC West will get three teams into the playoffs. Cousins improves to 58-58-2. Fields fires to the end zone but it's ruled short with no time left. Levy: "That would have been a significant play to a lot of people." They call it a touchdown! "There will be no extra point. It doesn't matter in the stadium." Riddick: "Oh, it matters." (Vikings 17, Bears 9)

These games should have been yesterday. The Flyers game tonight was canceled because the NHL's having its own COVID problems. It's Garrett Gilbert time. I'm sorry, what? That's an interception? Was this an Immaculate Reception situation? The pass bounced off Goedert's foot? Come on, man. That's what happens to bad teams. Washington being very deliberate so far. Touchdown Gibson. Hurts fumbles! Washington picks it up and it's Landon Collins with it. He takes it back near midfield. Short field goal is good and it's 10-0 Washington. This is the blueprint for losing this exact game. There was a Cincinnati Reds football team?


Eagles go for it on 4th and 1 and Howard gets it on a sweep, but they get called for offensive holding. Punt goes into the end zone. Gibson is not out with the Washington offense. Jarrett Patterson, his replacement, fumbles but Washington recovers. Goedert with a great jumping catch to take it away from the defender. Sanders finds a hole and takes it to the 8. Hurts throws incomplete to a double-covered Smith and he's slow to get up. Field goal is good. Eagles stuff Gibson on third and 2. Genard Avery was almost offsides. Smith back in to not catch an off-target deep ball. Has he always worn the Barry Bonds arm brace? Reagor goes up to get a hanging pass in Washington territory. Hurts finds Goedert for another first down. Slay in on offense(?) and he goes in motion before Sanders picks up a first down. Hurts gets to, but not over, the goal line. Hurts sneaks it for the score. They're... going for two? They line up to, but eventually call time out and decide against it. We're tied at 10. DeAndre Carter returns the kickoff to near midfield, but a holding penalty moves them back to the 30. Washington gets a first down and then calls its last time out. Big sack by Cox and that'll end the half.



Ball comes out on this Sanders carry but he's down. Sanders with a big run. Goedert drags tacklers to the 2. Hurts scores on a keeper. McLeod breaks up this screen pass and comes up with the ball, but that's incomplete. Eagles running over Washington now. Goedert with a bad drop on 3rd and 6. The defense is jumping up. It's also been raining since at least the second quarter. That's nice work by Hurts on that pass to Ward. Pocket collapses and Hurts goes down. Flag on the field goal try. It's on Washington, making it 4th and 1. Now what? Eagles decline the penalty and take the points. Maddox gets hit with a holding penalty. Gilbert throws a key block on this double reverse. But there's a blind side block that brings it back.


Epps stops Seals-Jones short of the sticks. Gilbert goes deep to the tight end and he's down at the 1. Patterson scores. 20-17 with 11:44 left. Jack Stoll lands on his head after a catch. Touchdown Ward! He was well covered and Hurts did a good job placing the ball in the right spot. Slay knocks down a late throw from Gilbert. Then he flips the ball to Milne while falling to the ground. Did he catch that? It counts. Fourth and 9 and Hargrave and Cox get to Gilbert! Hurts already with a season-high passing yards. Goedert stops INBOUNDS to keep the clock running to the two-minute warning. We're done here. (Eagles 27, Washington 17)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Green Bay (11-3) — When the other guy's plan doesn't work
2. Kansas City (10-4) — Seven in a row!
3. L.A. Rams (10-4) — A necessary bounce back
4. Tampa Bay (10-4) — Just a bizarre outcome

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Giants (4-10) — This was embarrassing to watch
30. Detroit (2-11-1) — RISE!
31. N.Y. Jets (3-11) — Meh
32. Jacksonville (2-12) — And the Urban Meyer disaster is over

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