Sunday, October 4, 2020

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: Down The Flagpole

Dolphins! Jaguars! THIS is THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL! And also why we're not really here.


You deserved better, champ.
This Grant play is weird. Rookie C.J. Henderson had to have thought Grant didn't catch it. Why else just stand there and not touch him down?



This Dolphins O-line starts two rookies and Ereck Flowers, who fortunately is not one of the tackles, and also fortunately, has found himself as a guard. Fitzpatrick slings one to Preston Williams in the back of the end zone. That's not a good punt, Jaguars. Did Fitzpatrick actually play for the Rams? Let's check. Myles Gaskin reaches up to pull that one down. Yeah, that's technically a horse collar. Toss to Grant, who makes moves and more moves (including faking out Henderson again) and picks up 30. Touchdown Jordan Howard, who's been relegated to a short-yardage/goal-line role. Lavishka Shenault catches a tough pass in traffic, bounces off two guys, and gains 16 yards on 3rd down. 14-0 Dolphins after one. Holy crap, this Cole catch. Jags are at the Dolphins' 11. Touchdown James Robinson, who picked his way through the defense. Jags challenge the first down on this Fitzpatrick scramble, and they get it reversed only for Fitzpatrick to sneak it on 4th and short. Holding on Chiasson keeps this drive going. Mike Gesicki with a leaping touchdown catch. Henderson having a rough night. Minshew sacked for 10, taking them out of field goal range. Oh, that was fourth down? The Dolphins have the ball, so. There's the first incompletion by Fitzpatrick tonight, and his first in 21 attempts going back to Sunday. Gesicki has a case for a flag there, too. Signal's been cutting out recently. That was a FAST three and out.

Let's not get crazy, Roob. Jags got a black kicker? Won't matter until at least the second half. Is Brian Flores the only good Belichick disciple? And as I ask that, they screw up a fourth and one by not getting the play off. Jags lose a fumble and a starting offensive lineman for making contact with an umpire. Replay shows he shoved the official's arm while he was on the ground. That's weak. Fitzpatrick keeper for a touchdown. Minshew overthrows Conley and misses a sure touchdown to end the third quarter. Looks like half the fans here are AEW wrestlers:

Also, you can apparently draw the face/heel line by who's wearing masks and who isn't. Minshew is chased from the pocket and... intercepted? NO, that hit the grass. Fourth down and Minshew dumps it off to Robinson. That's close but the refs mark it short. Jags challenge and lose as NFL Network shows the missed pass to Conley again. Call stands; Dolphins ball. Jaguars force a three and out, then make no attempt to throw deep on the ensuing drive even though they're in a no-huddle set. You need two touchdowns, guys! Jaguars get a fresh first and goal after that pass interference. Touchdown? They give it to Robinson, so, fine. Extra point missed. Fitzpatrick takes off on a scramble for some reason. Fitzpatrick catches his own deflected pass but gets taken down by Myles Jack. Montage of great NFL beards throughout the years.


Xavien Howard picks off Minshew to end it with 2:27 left, then grabs his knee. This is the Dolphins' first double-digit win in 38 games since December 2017. (Dolphins 31, Jaguars 13)

Signal Finder: CIN @ PHI, SF @ NYG, LAR @ BUF (end), CHI @ ATL (end), DAL @ SEA

So here's an interesting thing: The 49ers play at the Giants this week. Normally teams would stay on the other coast when they have back-to-back games, and the 49ers... kind of did? But instead of staying in Jersey, they went to the Greenbriar in West Virginia, probably to avoid the MetLife HQ turf. No Garoppolo, Mostert, and Kittle (again) so Nick Mullens will start. That's the second jet sweep they've run with rookie Brandon Aiyuk. Blake Martinez comes through unimpeded for a sack. Field goal is good. Devonta Freeman's a Giant now. The 49ers' defense is also missing five starters. Jones fires a shot to Tate for a first down. Then he finds Engram for another one. Engram fumbles on a reverse pitch and the 49ers have it! Why is Jordan Reed still playing? Wilson runs into his own man on 2nd and 6 and loses a yard. Touchdown pass to McKinnon is called back. Mullens to Reed in the end zone, but he's out of bounds and down holding his leg. Burkhardt talks about Reed's "extensive history injury" and never once says the phrase "multiple severe concussions." Field goal is good. 6-0 49ers. Play breaks down and Jones has to run for 18. Graham Gano hits from 52 for the Giants. Mullens suddenly misfiring. Gould misses from 55! I might have gone for it there. Jones hits Slayton for 23. Tied at 6 after this field goal. That defensive holding penalty on the Giants turns 3rd and 22 into a first down. Ross Dwelley, Kittle's backup, comes up with two big catches on this drive. McKinnon gets to the edge and gets another first down. He gets outside again and scores a touchdown. Fred Warner intercepts Jones! Officials rule he was down at the spot. Mullens goes deep for McKinnon and finds him at the Giants' 12! Low throw is incomplete with nine seconds left. Gould makes it 16-6 at the half.


Giants abandon the run game to start the third quarter. Giants go on 4th and 2 and Jones finds Engram through some chaotic crossing routes. Jones with another run. Field goal is good. The 49ers run another jet sweep with Aiyuk and he scores! He had four touches on that drive, all for more than 10 yards. This is a close spot. 49ers don't think the Giants got it. They... didn't. 49ers ball. Screen to Jeff Wilson, and he's hardly touched. Touchdown! Bad snap on the extra point and it's no good. Niners piling on. Scorigami! (49ers 36, Giants 9)


FOLES IS IN.

Wait, Ted Ginn's a Bear? Ryan gets absolutely pasted by Hicks but there's no flag. The Falcons have fallen apart offensively for the second straight week.

And now a late hit after this punt, the sixth Falcons penalty in the fourth quarter. TOUCHDOWN MILLER.
And then Ryan throws a pick.
Dan Quinn shouldn't survive this. (Bears 30, Falcons 26)

Almost all Joe Mixon to start for the Bengals. Sweat with a sack to end this drive. Wentz cranks it up and overthrows a double-teamed Jackson. Disaster. Interception off a deflected pass.

LeBlanc stops Green short of a first down and force a punt. Wentz somehow doesn't get sacked and throws it away. Crossing slant to Ward for a first down. Bengals still wildly undisciplined. Wentz can't get away from Hubbard and the first quarter ends.

Elliott hits from 27. How are we having false starts in empty stadiums? This time Lawson gets to Wentz and the Eagles have to punt. There's a reason they didn't bring Jason Peters back until July. Burrow is down after this second completion to Boyd, and Malik Jackson gets flagged for roughing the passer. Burrow up and on the sideline, and Ryan Finley's the backup, in case you didn't know. Burrow back in after two plays. Barnett with a sack on third down. Bengals haven't done much offensively. Are those cutouts of the announcers? We got a scrumble after this Eagles punt. Ref's mic is out. Robey-Coleman gets away with a hold. Field goal is good. Wentz gets flushed out of the pocket and runs for 23 on 3rd and 5. Elliott good from 41. Graham gets caught in the neutral zone. Gio Bernard makes a man miss and gets a first down. Mills gets called for pass interference in the end zone, then he loses Tee Higgins in the end zone. Big run by Sanders! Wentz is hit and fumbles but the Eagles get it back. Touchdown Ward! Everyone involved needed that. That's touchdown pass 100 for Wentz (in only 59 games, blowing away McNabb's 76.) Goedert's out with a knee injury, and Jackson's dealing with a hamstring issue. Ertz with a tough catch in traffic on 3rd and 3. Wentz gets sacked, but it's probably because his man wasn't open because of illegal contact. Refs call the wrong guy. Wentz hands it to Hurts, who gets six yards.

Ertz with a nice one-handed grab. End around attempt to Ward is stopped. Screen gets blown up. Elliott makes a 54-yarder look easy. Boyd converts a 3rd and 1 out of a stack formation that LeBlanc can't get through in time. First Javon Hargrave sighting of the season on that Mills blitz and sack, I believe. Well, I'm wrong. Maybe cover Boyd, please. Maddox is hurt. Burrow finds Higgins for another touchdown. Wentz puts that pass in the wrong spot and it's picked off. Now Slay's down after this Green catch. Marcus Epps knocks down a pass intended for Tate in the end zone. Field goal is good. Hurts hands off to Sanders for 8. Then he fumbles the snap on the next play but falls on the ball. Wentz overthrows a wide-open Sanders and he looks sick. Burrow runs away from Cox and Edwards and appears to throw the ball away, only for Higgins to catch it for a 20-yard gain. Pederson challenging this out of desperation, apparently. He's saying Higgins went out of bounds beforehand? They won the challenge! Eagles sit in prevent and Bernard catches a dump-off and takes it 41 yards! That's a joke. Jackson and Mills team up on a big sack that helps force another field goal try. It's good with 3:05 left. Bengals keeping the Eagles in it with penalties downfield. Wentz runs for a first down. Sanders to the 12. Dunlap knocks down a pass and I'm not sure how Wentz didn't see him jump. Ward gets the first down. Wentz gets chased out of the pocket, runs and dives for the touchdown! NOW WHAT? Elliott kicks it and we're tied. Bengals win the OT toss. Slay with two big plays on the first drive. Bates almost picks off Wentz. Eagles also go three and out. Offensive holding negates a big catch by Higgins. Burrow with a risky throw that falls incomplete. Wentz with a DIME to Ertz! Holding penalty brings back an Ertz run. Eagles facing 3rd and 19. Don't get that route but it was covered well. Eagles punt. Grahams sacks Burrow one play after Boyd's 349th catch today. Robey-Coleman knocks it out of Higgins' hands. Cox with another sack. Get the ball! Eagles should be coming after this punt.

An inside run on second down? Officials looking at this spot. They rule Sanders short. Sneak looks good. Bengals call time out for some reason. Eagles run up the middle for... some reason. Peters hurt here or just buying time? Oh, he's hurt. Slant is knocked down. This will be from 59 with 19 seconds left. Someone moved. FALSE START. Now what? That's brutal. Punt team is out.

Delay of game? Seriously? So they weren't planning a fake. That's ridiculous. Why not let Wentz crank one up and hope you get lucky? What happened to your balls, Doug? That's the second time this has happened to these teams!


(Bengals 23, Eagles 23, OT)

Good Lord, Vikings. (Titans 31, Vikings 30)


Yeah, that's on the receiver if it's on anybody. Can we talk about Josh Allen for a second? Because his being any good is miraculous. Quarterbacks as bad as he was in college historically — and make no mistake, he was a bad college quarterback who was drafted high solely on his size and physical tools — almost never amount to anything. (Bills 35, Rams 32)

Touchdown Lockett after the Cowboys' secondary explodes. Then Tony Pollard can't handle the ensuing kickoff. Safety dance in Seattle! Elliott did not get the ball out of the end zone. During the commercial, they were checking to see if he was touched down, but there wasn't enough to say he wasn't. Free play leads to a 28-yard completion to Lamb. Elliott finally gets in after three tries from the 1. Extra point CLANGS off the upright and is no good! "Deep In The Heart Of Texas" plays for a game in Seattle. Fake keeper by Wilson doesn't fool the cowboys. Wilson goes deep to Metcalf, but Trevon Diggs knocks it out of his hands... and out of the end zone!


Replay shows Metcalf slowed down and was carrying the ball loosely. That's that rule again. Touchback; Cowboys ball. Now Prescott flings the ball out there as he's being taken down and the Seahawks pick it up, but it's correctly ruled an incomplete pass as the first quarter ends. Or not yet. NOW it's over after Dak throws into traffic and almost gets Cooper killed. "Lithium" Into the next break. Lamb end around fools no one. Wilson gets pressured and Lockett can't bring in his juggle. This interception won't count, and the Cowboy who intercepted it is down. Then Brandon Carr (?!) gets flagged for interference in the end zone. It's like he never left. Who keeps paying him? Touchdown Lockett.  Petition: The NFC East winner is replaced in the playoffs by whichever NFC West team doesn't make the playoffs. Touchdown... Cedrick Wilson? OK then.

Extra point is NO GOOD after it's tipped. Turns out this is another Cedrick Wilson. Sorry for the confusion. Russ gets tackled three yards short and the Seahawks punt. Shaqueill Griffin picks off Prescott! Metcalf scoops up a low throw. Another low throw gets dropped by Lockett. Olsen stepped out of bounds on that play, and there was also illegal contact on the cowboys. Even Pereira's stumped by why the ball's been moved to the 1. It appears that they've picked up the flag (cap) for the illegal touching on Olsen. Touchdown Lockett, who's been as wide open today as Tyler Boyd was. 23-15 at halftime. Are there halftime Scorigamis? Because that's one. (We're also on track for the Seahawks to continue their yearly Scorigami streak.) Prescott fumbles! BIG MAN RUMBLE. Seahawks ball at the Cowboys' 5. Wilson flips to Hollister for the touchdown. Cowboys finally sack Wilson. That's a good punt. Dak to Gallup for 52! Then to Wilson for 42 and a touchdown! Zeuerlein barely makes this extra point and it's 30-22. Lockett is killing the Cowboys — he's catching everything thrown his way. That ball was almost too far in front of him and he still got it.

Lamb has to turn around to get that one. Aikman notes that the Cowboys have shuffled their offensive line again, benching their right tackle. Gallup beats Flowers for a 43-yard touchdown! Cowboys go for two and... don't get it! Brown tried twice after the catch but got stopped, spun put, and got stopped again. HMMMM. 'Sup, Pylon Cam? I'm wondering if maybe Brown did get to the end zone. Ah well. Flowers having a rough day. Is Cooper hurt or just doing his usual disappearing act? Jamal Adams out with a groin injury. Zeuerlein's kick is good. 31-30 Cowboys. Russ to Olson on 4th and 3 gets a first down. Aikman wonders about that incompletion. I don't think they meant to not complete it, Troy. Touchdown Metcalf! But there's 1:32 left. Any Seahawks two-point try that doesn't move Wilson isn't a good one, IMO. But there's a flag and they'll get another shot. It's roughing the passer and Aikman thought it was gonna be defensive holding. Russ rolls out and finds Hollister. 38-31. Prescott is sacked. Then he's almost sacked again — but throws an interception in the end zone! (Seahawks 38, Cowboys 31)

The Lions... won? (Lions 26, Cardinals 23)

No Michael Thomas again for the Saints. Tirico and Collinsworth working the game tonight. Demario Davis sacks Rodgers. Field goal is good. Payton wearing a medical face mask this week. Huge hole for Kamara, who takes it all the way to the Packers' 18. Touchdown Kamara! The Packers have finally learned to give Aaron Jones the ball. Rodgers takes off and converts 3rd and 12. Packers settle for three again. That's probably not ideal. Talk turns to Brees' early passing struggles. Sack! Rodgers has one career touchdown pass to a first-round pick and it's... Marcedes Lewis? MY GOD that throw by Rodgers. Lazard scores two plays later on a 2-yard pass.

Brees checks down (?) to Kamara and he gets 15. Screen to Taysom gets stopped. Lutz hits from 45. Tirico brings Terry McAuley on to say that the Saints should have been flagged for running into the kicker on this Packers punt. Brees doesn't need deep balls to do this. Touchdown to Emmanuel Sanders, who hasn't been involved in the offense at all up until this point. Halftime! No Dan or Rodney, either? It's just Liam and Tony Dungy in studio. Michele checks to see if her mic is working. It isn't. Now it is! Rodgers goes deep to Lazard AGAIN! Seventy-two yards to the Saints' 4!

Aaron Jones cashes in on fourth and goal. Kamara jogs down the sideline. Kamara gets six on third and 9. Saints try to draw the Packers offsides but jump themselves, bringing on the field goal team. Lutz sneaks it inside the right upright and we're tied at 20. Obligatory pass interference call on Marcus Williams. Lewis pushes off Malcolm Jenkins and is given a touchdown. Replay shows he pushed off and that his knee was down inbounds. Packers may have stolen one there. Brees checks down to Kamara down the sideline, and he gets a block from the center about 20 yards downfield, then cuts inside and makes it to the end zone! We're tied again. Saints stop Jones on 4th and 1 from the Packers' 48! That's a generous spot. First down! WOW. Never challenge spots, but I'd challenge this if I were Payton. This isn't even close. Call REVERSED. Saints take over on downs. ZaDarius Smith strips Taysom and recovers!

This Crosby kick looked short, but it goes through. 30-27 Packers. Packer slowing down now. Jones bulls his way to the saints' 27. Rodgers draws the Saints offside with a hard count, then gets a pass interference flag in the end zone. (And Lazard almost caught it anyway.) Another flag against the Saints. Jones gets stuffed at the 1. LaFleur challenges. Call STANDS. Rodgers rolls out — touchdown Robert Tonyan, whoever he is. Saints almost out of time. Brees had to labor to fire that one to Smith on 4th down. I just realized Davante Adams didn't play tonight. Saints settle for three. Onside kick time. This one rolls out of bounds. Cris narrating the ball skipping is hilarious. "I thought it was gonna break left!" (Packers 37, Saints 30)

Lamar already off for 32 yards. Option pitch to J.K. Dobbins converts 3rd and 5. Chiefs hold and Tucker comes on, surprising Riddick. Field goal is good because of course it is. Ravens blitz but Mahomes reacts quickly and finds Kelce for 12. Hill eludes Peters on the outside and gets pushed out of bounds at the Ravens' 5.

Levy and Griese think Peters gave him too much room. Mahomes rolls out — touchdown! Butker MISSES the extra point! Ravens trail for the first time this season. Short kickoff. Maybe Butker's leg's tired. Edwards-Hilaire finds a hole and takes the screen for a first down. Kelce needs multiple people to tackle him. Mahomes dumps it away under pressure. Shovel pass to the FULLBACK. (With Hill lined up in the backfield, no less.) Touchdown Chiefs.


Devin Duvernay gets the edge. He's GONE. 93 yards on the kickoff return! He's Kyler Murray's cousin, apparently? Kelce still needs multiple people to tackle him. Mahomes flips one to Hardman like he's skipping rocks. Griese: "How do you defend that?" Touchdown Hill! How is this fair?

Jackson misses Andrews, then almost gets intercepted by Sneed under pressure. Mahomes to Hardman for 49 yards and another touchdown! These guys are just too damn fast, and they've been abusing Deshon Elliott on the outside.


Chris Jones forces Jackson to fumble and the Chiefs recover! Butker misses the field goal and that's the second-best thing that happened to the Ravens this half. 27-10 Chiefs.

Mahomes just throwing floaters for 23 yards, this one to Edwards-Helaire. Now they're running flea-flickers out of the Wildcat for the hell of it. Fumble! Ravens have it! Screen gets obliterated. Brown makes this catch, loops backwards behind the first-down marker, then lunges forward and gets it. Pocket collapses and Jackson takes off for 18 (and he would have scored had he not been nudged out of bounds) Andrews can't bring it down in the end zone. False start turns fourth and 2 into fourth and 7 and the Ravens settle for a field goal.

Chiefs go for it with a fullback dive at midfield and it doesn't work! Gus Edwards inside the 5. Touchdown Boyle, who makes a good play pulling the ball away from the oncoming defender. Extra point is good and it's 27-20 to start the fourth. Mahomes misses Hardman, who was well covered. Mahomes with what had to be a designed rollout for a first down. OH MY GOD. Mahomes to LEFT TACKLE ERIC FISHER. Touchdown Chiefs. Andy's just trolling everyone now.

Pass protection can get violent — Ravens tackle Tyre Phillips just got his helmet ripped off. Lightning win the Stanley Cup. (Chiefs 34, Ravens 20; Lightning 2, Stars 0)

Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)