Sunday, September 27, 2020

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: When Chips Fall

We've got an early contender for worst Thursday night game of the year and it's WEEK 2. Bengals get the ball first. Browns immediately challenge this A.J. Green catch because he was out of bounds. This should take about 15 seconds. Burrow scrambles for a first down on 3rd and 6. Is he their leading rusher? Sheldon Richardson stuffs Mixon on third down, and the Bengals are at the Browns 33 and going for it on 4th and 4. Complete to Boyd for eight and a first down. Adrian Clayborn sacks Burrow at the 2-, forcing a field goal. Oh, NOW Bullock makes it. Of course.


Two quick play action passes put the Browns in Bengals territory. Ex-Falcon Austin Hooper gets another first down. Obvious cut block is obvious.

Mayfield rolls left and gets real close to the first down... the refs say he got there before going out of bounds. Chubb with a tough run through some loose Bengals tackling for a touchdown.

Green with a tough juggling catch. Richardson with a sack to end the first quarter. Here's the comedy we've been waiting for: The center snapped the ball while Burrow was turning to call a time out, losing 22 yards after Burrow fell on it. Chubb crosses midfield. Touchdown Beckham! This is actually very close. Call STANDS. Bengals suddenly hot on offense. Burrow finds C.J. Uzomah in the corner for a touchdown. Oh, a Kareem Hunt sighting. Browns knocking on the door again. Hunt is left wide open for the touchdown. 21-10 Browns. Burrow with another risky throw into double coverage, and Tee Higgins catches it anyway. Slant to Green gets another first down. Bengals now out of time outs with 37 seconds left. This pass has to go to the end zone, you'd think. Let's pump the brakes a bit. That's out of bounds. Field goal is good. 21-13 at halftime. Joe Buck won the Pete Rozelle Award... which will put him in the Pro Football Hall of Fame alongside his father. He's legitimately stunned.
Browns go for it on 4th and 2 and Landry is left completely alone (again) and gets 20. Chubb breaking more tackles. Touchdown! Oh, it wasn't? OK. Browns going for it again on 4th and goal from the 2. Denied! The Bengals stop Chubb and take over. Burrow fumbles! Browns ball at the 1! This time Chubb DOES score. Sendejo killing the Browns. Aikman points out that the Bengals are already going no-huddle midway through the third. Touchdown Gio Bernard! The upside is that they let him carry the ball. And again, they reverse the call and say he was down before hand. Mixon loses four yards. Pass is broken up, but there's an interference flag. Bengals want another one on this 3rd down pass but don't get it. Field goal is good.

William Jackson picks off Mayfield. It'll stand, as the flag was for Mayfield getting drilled after the pick. Burrow gets sacked but there's a penalty on the Browns. Quarterback draw on 3rd and 1 from the 5 yields a first down. Touchdown to Mike (not Michael) Thomas. Extra point is good. 28-23 with 5:55 left. Big run by Hunt! Bates, who played will on Sunday, missed another tackle on that run. Bengals had one of the worst run defenses last year, and that hasn't changed tonight. Touchdown Hunt. It feels like every Bengals third down play on this drive has come up one yard short. Burrow misses Green in the end zone. He finds Tyler Boyd in the back of the end zone, but did he get his feet down? Looks like he did, actually. Why's he being covered by a linebacker? 35-30 Browns with 43 seconds left. Onside kick will not succeed.


Hey, this ended up being pretty good! (Browns 35, Bengals 30)

Signal Finder: NYG @ CHI, LAR @ PHI, DEN @ PIT (end), ATL @ DAL (end), BAL @ HOU, KC @ LAC (end)

The Bears have four guys who will carry the ball. Trubisky waits, scrambles, then flips it to... Montgomery (who's not in the picture), who goes down the sideline to the 15, then cuts back inside and beats every Giant to the spot. Touchdown! Mack buries Jones on a sack and the ball comes out. Bears recover. Field goal is good and it's 10-0 Bears. Barkley being helped off after being tackled out of bounds. Jones throws another interception. Engram wasn't open at ALL. Trubisky just tried really hard to give it back. Barkley being carted into the locker room. Giants haven't been able to sustain anything.

I'm not sure Dion Lewis is the best No. 2 back for whatever this offense is. Wayne Gallman's going to have to take on a bigger role as well. Mooney? Kmet? Wims? Who are these people? I don't think Trubisky's thrown an incompletion on this drive. Well, I just jinxed it. Trubisky dances in the pocket for a bit, the rifles one to Mooney for a touchdown! 17-0 Bears at halftime after Gano misses a 57-yarder after a pass play that got Sterling Shepard hurt. Trubisky gets picked off! Field goal is good from 39. Giants stop this Bears drive and get the ball back. Jones to Tate for 20. Jones gets hit out of bounds and that'll be a flag. Giants going for it on 4th and goal from the 2. Dion Lewis barrels through for the score. Trubisky with a bad decision of his own leading to a Bradberry interception. Mack sacks Jones again. Deflection is intercepted by Eddie Jackson, who runs it back for a touchdown, but there's a flag... on him, for pass interference, bailing Jones out. Jones throws it too hard and it's fourth down. Giants settle for three. Giants sniff out the screen but Trubisky keeps it and runs down the sideline for 11. Two minute warning. Lewis drops a swing pass. Jones completes to Engram on 3rd and 10 for 22 yards.
4th and 5 becomes 4th and 4 after the review changes the spot. Low throw but Lewis catches it. Bears suddenly getting no pressure. Jones works the sidelines. 4th and 1. Slant to Slayton picks it up. Why did they do that? Jones spikes it with eight seconds left. Lewis goes out of bounds for four yards. Four seconds left. Knocked down! Flag! It's on the Giants! Game over. (Bears 17, Giants 13)

Mostert with an 80-yard touchdown on the first play from scrimmage. Jets starting off Jetting.

Nick Bosa, Garoppolo and Mostert are all out now for the 49ers.


I mean, yeah. (49ers 31, Jets 13) 

Are there fans here? Of course there are; it's Texas. Prescott back after apparently clearing concussion protocol. Big play to Noah Brown, but there's a flag. Ooh, they got the rookie CeeDee Lamb with a blind side block. Deep ball to Gallup! Oh, this one's close. Refs change the call to a completion. Falcons eventually decide to challenge. Did Gallup's "backside" (the technical term, according to Dean Blandino) hit before his elbow landed out of bounds? Call confirmed. There was also defensive holding, so it's Cowboys ball at the Falcons' 5. Run the ball, McCarthy. God. Prescott sneak after three passes (and another DPI call) gets it. Burkhardt jokingly wonders if the Cowboys can trade for Falcons kicker Young-Hoe Koo, who's the only one who can pull off an onside kick anymore. The Cowboys got it! Zeuerlein kicked it like a pool shot and the Falcons just stood there. Lamb gets away and makes a big catch for a first down. The Falcons are going to blow this.


No idea what the Cowboys are doing here. They spike it with four seconds left. It's GOOD. These worthless morons.
Only the good die young. (Cowboys 40, Falcons 39)

That's already one more successful screen than the Eagles ran last week. Sanders fumbles and it's Rams ball. Goff rolls out, Mills blitzes, and Higbee makes the catch for a touchdown.

Ertz makes a sliding catch. Scott runs for 12. Kiser all over the place early for the Rams. Field goal is good. Rams have a lot of traveling to do in the early going. Cox down. Rams don't huddle after Kupp picks up a first down, and Kupp picks up another first down. Van Jefferson with a sideline catch at the 6. And here we see Malcom Brown in a goal-line situation (though Akers has a rib injury) End around to Woods for a touchdown.

Johnson gets hit after the punt but there's no flag. Ford tries to save this punt but it already hit the ground in the end zone. Trailing cover man gave up at the last second and Goff hits Higbee on the move. McVay absolutely clowning Pederson after one quarter. Goff is 10 for 10! Zone read keeper fools almost everyone but Marcus Epps, who stops Goff at the 3. Touchdown Higbee and this is approaching disaster status.

Reagor with a tough catch over the middle, and then he heads off. JALEN HURTS SIGHTING. He's next to Sanders in the backfield. Wentz fakes to both and finds Goedert. Reagor is tackled before the ball arrives, and a flag comes out. First and goal again. Hurts out wide. Careful stretching that ball out, Sanders. AND he landed on Semualo's leg, and he's still down. Wentz sneak? Touchdown! They go for two (why?) with a Sanders sweep but it gets stuffed. 21-9 Rams. Brown rushes for 19.

Graham with a sack. Rams do NOT fake this punt. Kugler and Spielman talk about how Aaron Donald's been mostly contained so far because Wentz is getting rid of the ball faster. Kupp fields this punt at the 4, which he shouldn't have. Then he fumbles! Eagles have it at the Rams' 11. Sanders gets six. Then he gets the last five. Touchdown! 21-16 at halftime. Problem here is the Rams have never lost a halftime lead under McVay.

Three and out for the Rams. Boathouse Row B-roll over "Motownphilly" to break. Three straight passes to Jackson, two of them caught. And there's the third catch by Jackson on this drive. First down at the Rams' 21. Wentz gets picked off in the end zone. Replay shows he forced it. That ball had no chance of being caught. Kupp stretches out for a third down pickup. Goff overthrows Henderson in the end zone.
Eagles cover well on third down and force a field goal try. It's good. Blitz lights Wentz up but he still finds Goedert to end the third. Wentz bails out under pressure and Elliott makes it 24-19. Slay hurt after stopping a big play that nobody else tried to stop. Goff goes deep to Higbee for his third touchdown today. Jackson with a bad drop. Sanders picks him up with a catch and run for a first down. Wentz to Jackson for eight on 3rd and 10. Bad throw into coverage ends it. Another big play to Woods. That's not a touchdown, not that it matters. PAT is blocked.

Goff vs. Wentz round 2 goes to Goff, and McVay thoroughly outcoached Pederson. He was fantastic.
(Rams 37, Eagles 19)

CBS production truck lost power in Miami for about 30 minutes as it started to rain. I don't know, guys.


Um, really? This feels like God's giving you a sign. (Bills 31, Dolphins 28) 

And Drew Lock's been knocked out of THIS game. Jeff Driskell overthrows Jeudy on the sideline, then is off-target — but that's because Tim Patrick was interfered with. Good catch by Fant on the sideline. Tomlin challenges, because he kind of has to with about three minutes left. Yeah, that's good. 3rd and 2 at the two-minute warning. Pass is juggled by several players before it falls to the turf. And on fourth down he's sacked by Terrell Edmunds, who came completely free on a blitz.


Welp. (Steelers 26, Broncos 21) 

Watt sacks Jackson, the 39th different quarterback he's gotten. That's a pretty catch and run by Mark Andrews. Jackson takes off for 11. That pass was somehow almost caught. Tucker hits from 32.


What the hell, O'Brien? They don't get it, and Jackson opens the next drive with a pass to Ingram to get the Ravens into the red zone. Boyle sneaks away and Jackson finds him at the 3. Touchdown pass to the fullback Ricard. Did that ball break the plane? I guess it did. 10-0 Ravens. Watson passes the 10,000 passing yards mark, making him the first with that many passing yards and 1,000 rushing yards in his first 40 games. Big pass to Cooks, who goes out at the Ravens' 10. Touchdown Fells. Is that Suh in the Baker Mayfield Progressive "Book Club" ad? Hollywood almost broke that one. Tucker hits from 39. Pass is fumbled and L.J. Fort scoops it up. Is he in? Refs say no. They're reviewing this. They change it to a touchdown, and I thought the ball got the pylon and thought they might change it. 20-7 Ravens.

Peters picks off Watson! Yeah, that's a catch. Watt with another sack. Watson finds Cooks near the sideline with 16 seconds left. They decline the penalty, keeping the clock running, but the Texans' motion forces the RAVENS to call time. I don't know if that was intentional, but it got the clock stopped, so it worked out. Quick pass to Cobb, and there's a mini-scuffle afterwards. Refs basically admit they screwed up the clock. Or, as Trent Green is explaining, the ball got moved after it was spotted, so they had to put it back., Field goal is good. 20-10 Ravens at halftime. Texans can't stop the Ravens' run game, but then, few can. Tucker makes it, sneaking it inside the right upright. I feel like the Texans could use DeAndre Hopkins on this drive, especially once the fourth quarter started. Ingram takes off for a touchdown and that should be that. This was a ridiculous first two games for the Texans. (Ravens 33, Texans 16)

Who took Tyrod out? WHO?



Chargers lead! Two quick shots to Kelce and Hill get the Chiefs across midfield. Offensive holding cancels out a long pass to Edwards-Hilaire that would have put the Chiefs at the Chargers' 10. Mahomes runs around and can't find anyone open, so he runs out of bounds. Three seconds left. Butker's kick ties it. Nantz: "Hey, the Chargers weren't gonna have that good fortune two straight weeks." OVERTIME. Chargers win the toss. For those of you expecting to see 60 Minutes, you really, REALLY should know how this works by now. Three and out.
Melvin Ingram knocks this pass down. Mahomes scrambles and reaches the ball past the sticks. This run will come up short. Fourth down sneak gets it. Romo and the spotters see that Kelce was open for a touchdown, but only briefly, as Casey Hayward saw it and ran over to cover. Chiefs set up for a 53-yard field goal try on 4th and 1. Time out? Flag? FALSE START. They're gonna try it from 58 now. NOW time out. That one looked good. There's two minutes left, by the way. Let's try this again. IT'S GOOD!
(Chiefs 23, Chargers 20, OT)

The Patriots won't have James White tonight, as he lost his father in a car accident this afternoon. Seattle skies are much clearer than three days ago. No fans at CenturyLink. Seahawks get the ball first. What the hell is Belichick's mask? Deflected and intercepted! Touchdown Devin McCourty! That's not like Greg Olsen.
Carlos Hyde, who's a Seahawk for some reason, with a carry. Wilson slides for a first down. Lockett slips a tackle and gets another first down. Wilson takes off again for 21. Carson sets up first and goal at the 4. Wilson rolls out and throws to Lockett for a touchdown. It's been 40 years since the Patriots have rolled out a quarterback. Well, Diggs is out. Led with his helmet and got tossed immediately. Penalty also gives the Pats first and goal. Cam powers his way through... to the 1? He thought he scored, and I'm not sure he didn't. Nonetheless, they line up and he keeps it anyway, taking it to the left side for the score. 14-7 Patriots.
Diggs's backup just grabbed his knee.
Yeah, if you've forgotten or didn't know, Quinton Dunbar was the other player caught up in the DeAndre Baker robbery mess. Wilson drops it into Metcalf's bread basket and he powers out of Gilmore's grasp and high-steps into the end zone. Folk misses from 51. Weird camera angle made it look even longer than that. Lockett goes down for a moment, and a late defensive holding flag comes out, erasing 3rd and 19. Wilson gets sacked on 1st and 15, which won't help matters. Punt lands at the Patriots' 6. Halftime. Cam with a great, well-placed throw to Meyers for a first down. Edelman saves this pass and is down at the Seahawks' 21. Burkhead carries it to the 7. Jamal Adams wreaks some havoc, blitzing and chasing Cam down from behind, forcing a field goal. Metcalf and Gilmore about to fight. Wilson with a long, soaring throw to Moore for an apparent touchdown! Yeah, that's a touchdown. Moore never actually stepped out of bounds. Dunbar jumps this route and makes the interception. Touchdown Seahawks! No one spotted Swain and that's his first touchdown, and he'll likely never have an easier one. Let Russ Cook, indeed. Edelman bets Adams, then lays out for the catch! 49 yards on that. Cam flips it to the fullback for a touchdown. That single step forward drew everyone to him. He gets stopped by Adams on the two-point try, leaving it at 28-23. There's still 12:20 left. Kraft not here tonight, missing his first game as owner, for obvious reasons. Option pitch by the Patriots gets blown up. Wilson to Carson for a touchdown! Bruce Irvin down. Cam does down the middle to Edelman, who's covered by Adams again. Down to the 1. Newton keeps it and scores. They kick it to make it 35-30. Wilson throws deep on 3rd and 1 and just misses Lockett. Seahawks punt with 1:46 left.
Cam with a backwards slide after a scramble. 41 seconds left. The decibel limit is 70 for the piped-in noise, which favors the Patriots. Another big play to Edelman! They try it again but this one goes through his hands in the end zone. Cam hits Harry at the 2! The Patriots call their last time out. Power left — DENIED! Thought they'd roll Cam out if the plan was for him to keep the ball. Wilson with some thoughts for White, who he played with his one year at Wisconsin. It IS good to have Cam back.


What a game. (Seahawks 35, Patriots 30)

VEGAS, BABY. 

 




Are we sure an all-black building in the middle of the desert was the way to go here? Announcers wearing the old-school ABC yellow jackets, as this game is on ABC and ESPN2 as well for... some reason. Oh, it's the anniversary? Nice. No fans as the Raiders kick off. They've got a new, electric (?) torch, which Al Davis' widow Carol lights. For reference, the stadium is in southern Las Vegas, on the other side of 15 from Mandalay Bay and McCarran Airport. Saints coming out hot. Hill for 8. Kamara for 10. TraQuan Smith gets drilled on third and 4 and Lutz is in to kick. It's good. Raiders are down two tackles. Malcolm Jenkins sacks Carr, who turned right into it. Another burst run by Kamara. Smith fights off a couple of tackles and takes it to the Raiders' 4. Good job by rookie Damon Arnette to catch up to Kamara and knock him out of bounds before the pylon. Jesus, did Jonathan Abram run into a damn on-field crane? Levy recounts that he got hurt in last year's opener as well. He slid into the TV cart AND the line judge (Sarah Thomas). He jumps up and runs off the field. Taysom sneak doesn't work. Kamara records the first touchdown here. Raiders jump offsides on the PAT try, so the Saints take it off the board and go for two instead, 'cause Sean Payton's petty like that. Kamara picks it up. Another flag, this one on the Saints for an illegal formation. So now they're kicking it again. It's good. VEGAS, BABY. 50 years to the day, in fact. They show Billy Andrews intercepting Joe Namath and returning it for a touchdown. Levy calls old Municipal Stadium "The Mistake by The Lake." Riddick: "Hey, I played in that stadium. I know it was just dirt painted like grass, but it was our dirt." Carr, with time, finds Edwards across midfield for 32. Carr overthrows Henry Ruggs by 15 yards. Carr gets sacked after a penalty.
Second quarter starts with a 3-yard Jason Witten catch. Super weird to see him in a different uniform. Raiders putting something together here as this pass to Waller puts them in the red zone. Slant to Waller gets the Raiders to the 2. Touchdown Alec Ingold! The fullback is wide open in the end zone and enters the record books. End zone views look like Madden games with no fans. This is game 210 for both coaches, according to "Levy's Believe It Or Not", which Steve is sure will be sponsored next week. Brees to Jared Cook at the goal line. Touchdown! Carr's been much more decisive since that sack. Edwards runs a hook route and picks up the first down after the catch. Demario Davis comes on a run blitz and wrecks Jacobs. Zay Jones with a diving attempt in the end zone — and they eventually call it a touchdown!
Bad throw by Brees is intercepted! He had to hurry it and the Raiders have the ball on the Saints' 40. Ingold gets pushed out of bounds as he picks up the first down. 25 seconds left. Draw to Jacobs, and the Raiders call their last time out. Nothing's open and Carr bails out. Field goal is good and we're tied at 17 at halftime. Vegas's own The Killers play my least favorite single of theirs, "Mr. Brightside" from what might be an actual rooftop but is equally probably a set. The guys LOVE their blazers. Lattimore gets flagged for DPI, putting the Raiders at midfield. Moreau beats Malcolm down the sideline and makes the catch for 31 yards.
They're inside the 5. Fumbled snap! Raiders recover but it's fourth down. Raiders going for it. Carr rolls out and flips it to Waller for the score. That was perfection. Jalen Richard fumbles the pitch! Saints ball. Riddick straight-up says that Brees is struggling to put the ball where he wants. Waller reaches behind him to catch that for 18 yards. Shot of Jacobs on the sideline taking his gloves off. Saints have nine penalties for 100 yards. Hunter Renfroe lands on his head but holds on. Richard holds on to this pitch, ducks Malcolm, has Lattimore (?) whiff on him, and scores! Riddick points out that that was 3rd and 10 and the Raiders RAN the ball. Brees only has one fourth-quarter comeback of 14 points or more, and that was that nutty Washington game in 2017. And he's only got six minutes to do it.
Smith's been doing everything in the receiving game tonight. Kamara takes it to the 3. Touchdown Kamara. Jacobs back in for the Raiders. Another Saints penalty, this one for pass interference. Who do they think they are, the Raiders? Jacobs only gets three yards, but stays inbounds. They're trying a 54-yarder. Or maybe not, as the Raiders call time. Nope, they're gonna try it. It's GOOD. What a sick win. (Raiders 34, Saints 24)
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