Saturday, October 31, 2020

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: The Constant

There's nothing else on tonight.


Broadcast booth has the standings front and center. Aikman: "Somebody's gonna win this football game." NOT NECESSARILY, TROY. Pederson getting shade from his wife. Ouch. Eagles get the ball first. Desean Jackson back. And again. There's a haze over the field at the start of the game. Boston Scott gets a first down. That's too far for a quarterback sneak. Lane Johnson already walking off the field again. They go for it, and Wentz sees an opening and dives for the first down. Johnson returns two plays later. Wentz to Richard Rodgers to the 1! Wentz on a fake handoff. He takes a hit, spins away... touchdown! Jones overthrows Slayton but he was held. Giants set an illegal pick that doesn't work AND they get called for it. Giants wait to punt, the Eagles are caught off guard, and they have to fair catch at the 11. Wentz just misses Fulgham, who was extremely open down the left side. Wentz holds on to the ball too long and takes a bad sack on third and 9. Short punt gives the Giants the ball at the Eagles 40.


Tate fights off LeBlanc and runs away from him for a touchdown. Jason Huntley drops the kickoff, but recovers and manages to get it to the 30. Screen gets blown up, so Wentz runs three yards the other way. THIS screen to Scott works, and he takes it to midfield. Another pass to Scott gains 13. He shredded the Giants in last year's finale. Is that grounding? Refs say it is and they're probably right. Third down slant goes through Jackson's hands. Elliott hits from 31. Joe Judge is one of three coaches with ties to the Philadelphia Catholic League (Sean McDermott and Kevin Stefanski are the others.) Engram is left open and he gets 17 yards to midfield. INTERCEPTION? That NEVER happens. Mills gets the ball off Engram's hands.


Not sure what Wentz was doing there, but don't do that. Aikman: "Don't do this." Fulgham almost caught it by jumping in front of Blake Martinez, who had a shot to pick it off. Thackrell misses Wentz and he gets five on 3rd and 3. I think this pass to Fulgham was tipped at the line, too. No, just a little wobbly. Wentz is forced out of the pocket again and Bradberry makes a leaping interception in the end zone. He's been under pressure all night. Jones finds Shepherd, who breaks a tackle and gets to midfield. Barnett gets a needed sack. Two minute warning as the Giants consider not punting on 4th and 7? They do, and it's down at the 8. Giants force a three-and-out but can't get anything on the punt return. Fumble! Dion Lewis just dropped it. McLeod recovers and laterals it to Duke Riley, for some reason. Aikman's wondering why the giants called a run there. Two good throws by Wentz and the Eagles are in the red zone. Three tries come up empty. Elliott MISSES from 29!? It's weird to say he kicked it too hard but that's what happened. 10-7 at halftime. Gerry with a sack. Freeman trips over Will Hernandez, if you're wondering how that's going. If that's a hold on Freeman, it's a bad one. Wentz still under siege. Low throw just falls to the ground. Jones fools everyone with a fake handoff and keeps it. He's GONE. HE FELL. Did he just get tired? Good God.



The New York Football Giants, ladies and gentlemen! Robey-Coleman gets flagged for pass interference on third down.


Gallman leaps over the line for the touchdown. The Jones run was the longest by a quarterback in Giants history but you knew that. Engram tries to leap over LeBlanc but "Strap" wasn't having it, and he flips him onto his back short of the first down. Ward moves the chains. Wentz finds Fulgham down the sideline. Where's d this dude come from? First and goal at the 9. Quarterback keeper on third down and it only gets to the 3. Eagles going for it. Incomplete. Lot of contact that wasn't called.


Shepherd with a catch. Nice run by Lewis. The Giants are suddenly at the Eagles' 17. Pederson clearly wants to challenge this spot on the Shepard catch, but the officials say he didn't throw the flag in time. Touchdown Shepard and this game's over. 21-10 with 6:17 left. That drive was 97 yards. Illegal contact cancels out a third-down sack. HIGHTOWER. 59 yards! They've been waiting for that all year. Giants get caught with 12 men on the field. Touchdown Ward. Some post-play jawing and a flag comes out. Unnecessary roughness on the Giants moves the two-point conversion spot to the 1. They keep it with Wentz and he... doesn't make it. Man, Pederson's called a bad game tonight. As if on cue, Buck recounts some of these decisions. Wayne Gallman is suddenly unstoppable. Engram drops a deep ball that would have ended this game.


Desean back to field this punt, and he takes a helmet to the head AND now he's being helped off the field. Wentz finds Rodgers in space and he gets to the Giants' 30. 1:30 left. Giants get called for DPI. Scott up the middle for 12. Giants call time, allowing the Eagles the luxury of running the ball again. More defensive holding.


I wouldn't throw another pass if I'm the Eagles. Jesus. Kelce gets flagged for a face mask where he pulled it off the other guy. That's BRUTAL.


TOUCHDOWN SCOTT!! That was over his shoulder and I don't know how he even saw it. 40 seconds left.


Eagles go for two again. They don't get it, again. Replay of Graham Gano's last kickoff, and him grabbing his right leg afterwards. Giants take over at the 25. OFFENSIVE HOLDING. Jones is hit. FUMBLE. EAGLES BALL.


I'm not sure if this game was "weird" enough to fulfill the Eagles-Giants weirdness requirement. But the Eagles cannot lose to the Giants, no matter how hard they try. (Eagles 22, Giants 21)

Signal Finder: DAL @ WSH, PIT @ TEN, DET @ ATL (end), CLE @ CIN (end), SF @ NE



The Bills' entire tight end room got hit with Covid except for Tyler Kroft, who's been with his wife as she had a baby on Friday. (Bills 18, Jets 10)

Joe Davis joins Moose in the booth here. Cowboys get fooled by a sweep and Antonio Gibson goes for 40 to the Cowboys' 5. McLaurin reaches for the pylon... and gets there. Touchdown. Wait, what? Call REVERSED. They say the ball didn't break the plane. OK then. Washington goes for it. A SNEAK? Are you people serious? It doesn't work, obviously.


Encroachment gets the Cowboys off their own 1. Elliott picks up a first down. Dalton FUMBLES. Schultz picks it up but he gets gang-tackled in the end zone for a safety. Please note that the line of scrimmage was the 16.


Logan Thomas open downfield. Gibson all but walks through the Cowboys' defense for a touchdown. KICKOFF RETURN ALERT. That sets the Cowboys up at the Washington 34. They can't capitalize and kick a field goal instead. Schultz stumbles, but stays upright to get a first down. Cowboys go for it on 4th and 1 from Washington's 45, Dalton gets pressured, and throws it downfield to no one. McLaurin TOASTS Trevon Diggs for a 52-yard touchdown. Moose is surprised there wasn't a double move on that route. They go for two but don't get it. 15-3. Vander Esch down on the sideline. Now Aldon Smith's down. Thomas makes the catch on the sideline on 3rd and 1, breaks a tackle, and scores a 15-yard touchdown. Joe Davis points out that this would be worse if not for the Cowboys' goal-line stand earlier. Elliott takes the first carry 14 yards. Cooper gets downfield for 18.  Cowboys doing a good job of getting out of bounds. Dalton looks for Lamb in the end zone but the pass is broken up. Pass to Elliott goes off his hands and is intercepted! Wow. That ball was behind him, too. 22-3 Washington at halftime and the story so far remains the same for the Cowboys. Tress Way pins the Cowboys at their own 2. Dalton slides and gets crushed by Bostic. Cart's out, and so is Bostic, who's been ejected. Sliding AND a helmet hit? That's a no-brainer. Dalton being walked to the locker room. It's... Ben Dinucci? First play is a pitch to Elliott that's behind him and he drops. Complete to Cooper for a first down. That's a sack. At least they didn't lose the ball. (Washington 25, Cowboys 3)

GIO BERNARD LIVES. Touchdown Bengals with 1:06 left. Mayfield finds Peoples-Jones for a fast first down. Is this a catch by Higgins? Review says it is. Higgins again! The Bengals might want to cover these other guys. Touchdown Peoples-Jones! Browns lead! Parkey misses the extra point because of course he does. Bernard returns the kickoff to the 40, which makes a Hail Mary doable with four seconds left. Incomplete. That's surviving, not winning. (Browns 37, Bengals 34)

Diontae Johnson finds some room on the sideline and gets into Titans territory. Conner loses the ball but the Steelers recover. Then he spins outside on 3rd and 1 and gets five. Steelers haven't scored an opening drive touchdown in 25 tries. Eric Ebron with a catch at the 3, a yard short of a first down. Second effort by Benny Snell Jr. gets it. Touchdown pass to Conner is negated by a face mask. First and long goal, and Big Ben flips it to seemingly nowhere, but Ebron catches it and gets 10 yards out of it. That's a laser to Johnson in a tight window for a touchdown! Tannehill gets caught under pressure and flings this pass to the turf. Three and out. Ben getting frisky, doing another flip to Conner that loses two. Ebron bails them out. The officials mark this Juju catch as a first down, change the markers, then announce third down. OK, guys. Whatever. Claypool loses his own fumble, but picks it up and salvages a short loss. Juju catches a low ball from Ben at the Titans' 10. Conner heads to the corner but goes out of bounds before he can score. Then he drops a touchdown pass. Snell goes left and scores. Pass to Corey Davis goes off his hands, but Adam Humphries sees it and dives to salvage the completion. Tannehill loses the ball in traffic but the Titans recover. Touchdown Davis. Roethlisberger scrambles and finds Conner for 11 and a first down. Titans blitz, and the pass is deflected, bounces off a Steelers' lineman's head, and falls incomplete. Steelers can't cash in on a free play. The next one is almost intercepted. Field goal is good. Eagle notes that Derrick Henry hasn't done a lot so far, like last week. Johnson spins away from Jonathan Joseph (when did he become a Titan?) for his second touchdown. 24-7 Steelers. Bad snap! What? Steelers take over with a chance at more points. Roethlisberger lofts one into the end zone that gets intercepted. The Titans run it out, for some reason, then Cruikshank LATERALS it, which could have been disastrous, but nothing comes of it. Halftime.


Claypool draws a DPI penalty on Butler. Roethlisberger overthrows Ebron out of the end zone on third down. Boswell hits from 30. Tannehill finds A.J. Brown on a crossing route and he's GONE. 73-yard touchdown! Couple of three-and-outs. The Titans pick off Roethlisberger again. They lose three yards and kick a field goal. Titans feeding Henry now. Brown breaks free and gets 20 yards. I think I'd have given it to Henry here on fourth and goal from the ONE YARD LINE. But wait, there's a flag. Holding on the Steelers? OK then. New set of downs. And there's Derrick Henry. Imagine seeing a man that large jump into the air. Touchdown. Three-point game! Steelers start to chew up clock. They finally take a deep shot to Juju and he makes the catch for 28 yards. Conner wants a face mask or something after this catch. Did we lose a sideline camera here? First down Johnson and now the feed is gone. Quick return to the studio and the signal is back. Slant to Johnson for a first down, and now he's still on the ground, as is Butler, who made the tackle. Steelers devouring clock here. Quick slant to Claypool gets near the first down marker, but there's a penalty. It's OPI, and Claypool was ruled short, and the Titans take the penalty.  Roethlisberger throws into traffic in the end zone and it's picked off! It was knocked out of Juju's hands and the Titans came up with it. Bad decision by Ben, no points for the Steelers, and it's Titans ball. Tannehill finds Brown on 3rd and 12 at the Steelers' 25. One minute left. That's intentional grounding. Corey Davis is well covered in the end zone. 40-yarder upcoming. Eagle notes that the Titans' last few long snaps have been low. Gostkowski MISSES! That snap looked fine. Charles Davis points out that his misses have all gone right. Ben's in shock. (Steelers 27, Titans 24)

Who's gonna blow THIS one? Some bad uniforms in this game. Touchdown Gurley! He slid but slid too far! That's amazing. Ryan just made surrender cobras. Everyone's in shock. He didn't mean to do it! Ridley makes a diving catch to convert two points. 1:04 left. This can't be Stafford's first game IN Atlanta, can it? GET OUT OF BOUNDS, HOCKENSON. Sweet Jesus. GOLLADAY? Lions spike the ball but there's a booth review. Pereira explains that the replay official will wait until the very last second to initiate it. This is a clear catch. Call stands and the Lions spike it. TOUCHDOWN HOCKENSON. Clock has zeros! And the answer to "Who's gonna blow THIS one?" is the Falcons.


Stafford could have run that in. (Well, maybe not Stafford.) There's an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on the Lions after the score, putting this extra point way back. It's GOOD... but there's a flag. It's on the Falcons, because of course it is.


(Lions 23, Falcons 22)

Garoppolo scrambles and dives for a first down. Jeff Wilson with a rare goal-line carry that doesn't get into the end zone. But the line judge says he does. Romo seems to agree. Is that across the line, though? All right, fine. Touchdown 49ers. Kittle gets them out of a bad spot with a first down. The Patriots put Gilmore on him, which tells you quite a bit. Sack! Intercepted! He overthrows Kittle and Devin McCourty comes up with it. Cam overthrows Damere Byrd but gets hit low afterwards. First time ever a late hit on Cam Newton's been called. (I'm kidding. Actually, I'm not.) Field goal is good. The "YAC Brothers?" Don't do this, guys. Rare carry for Juszczyk. Shovel pass to Aiyuk goes for 20. Gould kicks it through for a 10-3 lead. Then Cam throws a bad pick. Wilson breaks a bunch of tackles. Touchdown Juszczyk. Gould MISSES the extra point? What? Fumble on the kickoff return but the Patriots keep it. ANOTHER fumble and the Patriots manage to keep this one, too. They end up having to punt. Wilson runs right through the Patriots' defense for another touchdown! 23-3 49ers. I don't know if the Patriots are Actually Bad, but they're definitely Not Good. This is Nantz's 100th Patriots game. Offensive holding cancels out a first down. Newton throws a deep ball too far and it gets intercepted. This return by Mosley is really slow in developing and Nantz is having a tough time calling it. He's at midfield and it doesn't feel like it. Garoppolo throws up a Hail Mary of his own and it gets picked off. 23-3 49ers at halftime of a strange game. Edelman's vanished from this offense. Newton gets pressured on 3rd and 16 and barely manages to run for two more yards. Field goal is good. Wes Welker is also back in Foxborough, as the 49ers' receivers coach. Aiyuk with an over-the-shoulder catch on the sideline. (A better throw and he walks into the end zone, that's how open he was.) Touchdown Wilson! But now he's hurt. He's only playing so much because Mostert's on IR (and Nantz mentions Tevin Coleman, who I'm not sure has even played this season.) Newton reaches the 30,000 passing yards mark, then throws another pick four plays later on a ball meant for Edelman.


49ers turn it into three more points. At some point Jarret Stidham came in.


Romo makes the valid point that the starters that opted out for the Patriots (Hightower and Chung in particular) were their stalwarts up the middle on defense, and that's where the Pats have been vulnerable. (49ers 33, Patriots 6)



TERRIFYING. (Chiefs 43, Broncos 16)

Was this one of the games that got shuffled around? I feel like it is but I don't remember. BLOCKED PUNT TOUCHDOWN. We're brought to L.A. with 11 minutes left and told about that, and also that the Chargers scored the first 16 points of this game, then the Jaguars scored the next 21. Herbert has wheels? A Mark Malone name check? In 2020? Joshua Kelley spins out of a tackle and picks up another first down. Field goal is good. 39-29. Minshew looks around before dumping it off to Shenault to convert 4th and 2. Jaguars have to go for it. Nope. Allen converts another third down. Herbert's finally gonna win a game!


(Chargers 39, Jaguars 29)

This FLEXING had to be a logistical nightmare. The Raiders sent their entire starting offensive line home on Thursday because of Covid exposure, so the NFL pulled Bucs-Raiders from SNF and moved Seahawks-Cardinals here on three (two, probably) days notice. Oh, it's State Farm Stadium now? Tyler Lockett with a one-handed grab in coverage right out of the gate. Wilson to Hollister for another first down. Easy catch by Lockett for a touchdown. Moore with a catch in traffic. Wilson goes down the sideline to Olsen for a possible touchdown. Nope. He didn't get both feet inbounds. This will be only the third field goal attempt for Myers. It's Week 7! Kick is good. Meat Puppets into commercial.


Murray pass to Hopkins is deflected, then tipped, then falls incomplete. (Dunbar interfered with Hopkins.) Murray throws the same sideline route to Hopkins and that is a touchdown.


Seahawks are throwing a LOT. Cardinals force another field goal attempt. It's good. 13-7 Seahawks. Hopkins fumbles on an end around! K.J. Wright falls on it. Collinsworth: "You bounce it inside twice and defensive linemen show up." Budda Baker picks off Wilson! Metcalf runs him down at the Seahawks' 3!! Good Lord.




Cardinals go for it on fourth and goal, but the protection breaks down and Murray has to throw it away. Big catch and run by Dissly. Carlos Hyde down the sideline... that one's close... touchdown Seahawks. Murray to Arnold for 41! Kirk wide open in the end zone for a touchdown. Wilson takes off and reaches midfield. Then he jumps out of another tackle on the next play. First and 20 and Wilson throws a BOMB... to Lockett for a diving touchdown! Patrick Peterson might retire after this game. He looks shocked. It's not even his fault! Collinsworth understands this. Career catch 1400 for Fitzgerald.  Pass to Edmonds, who gets out of bounds. Murray tries to make it to the sideline but can't. Cardinals use their last time out. Throw goes out of the end zone. Field goal is good, but there's a running into the kicker penalty on the Seahawks. Cardinals keep the points with no time left and it's 27-17 at halftime.


Murray scrambles on 3rd and 11 and will not make it. Murray with tons of time and he finds Edmonds for a first down. Collinsworth laments the Seahawks' nonexistent pass rush. Pitch to Edmonds, who puts on a nifty spin move and creates first and goal. Murray keeps it, somehow avoids Wright, and dives into the end zone! Al notes that these teams' last SNF game ended 6-6. Baker goes helmet-to-helmet on Travis Homer and it's not called. Wilson to Lockett on 3rd and 4. Peterson intercepts Wilson in the end zone. That's gotta make him feel a little better. And Quadray Diggs IMMEDIATELY picks off Murray! Lockett with another great catch for a touchdown! Dre Kirkpatrick insists he was out of bounds but he clearly dragged his right foot. WHAT? They change the call on the field to an incomplete pass? Seriously? So now the Seahawks have to use a challenge to get this changed to the obviously correct ruling. Good work, stripes. Murray comes up short on 3rd and 5. They go for it and Drake picks up three. Field goal is good but there's a flag. Collinsworth thinks it's against the Seahawks and that the Cardinals will take the points. Oh, they hit them with a 15-yard leverage penalty, which will give the Cardinals a first down. Murray returns to the field. Pass to Edmonds gets to the 13. Touchdown Kirk! 34-31 with 2:28 left. Seahawks manage to bleed half the clock before punting. Punt goes out of the end zone. Kirk left all alone on the sideline and should have gotten more yards out of that before going out of bounds. That's inbounds! They rush to spike it and do so with two seconds left. Fitzgerald grabbed the ball and gave it to his center immediately after the catch. Gonzales from 44... GOOD. Overtime!




Wilson is sacked by Reddick. Cardinals blitz on third down and Wilson finds Moore for 18 and a first down.

Cards blitz AGAIN and Wilson has NO chance. Seahawks have to punt. Edmonds for 32 yards! He's had a NIGHT for a guy with no touchdowns. Murray loses five and Gonzales comes in IMMEDIATELY. It's second down! 41 yards. The Cardinals iced their own kicker? They did. The second attempt... MISSES!




That wasn't even close. Wilson has plenty of time until he doesn't, then throws it going down and Lockett catches it. 1:15 left. Seahawks' pass protection reverting to mid-2010's levels. Wilson finds Metcalf down the sideline for a touchdown but there's a flag, and it's coming back. That's a no-brainer. INTERCEPTION! That's Isaiah Simmons, who's played like four snaps this season.



Why run the ball, Cardinals? Fitzgerald picks up seven yards and the Cardinals spike it. They take a shot at the end zone with Kirk but it's too far. Fifteen seconds left. Gonzales on again, this time from 48. Seahawks do NOT ice him. It's... GOOD! It hits the upright and bounces IN!



1200 people saw that. (Cardinals 37, Seahawks 34, OT)

Now this is interesting: The end zones are painted "LA Rams" tonight, but were only pained "LOS ANGELES" with no mention of the Chargers on Sunday. Bears get the ball first. Levy: "Goff just missed his man..." Goff overthrew Malcom Brown by five yards, dude. Touchdown Josh Reynolds. Foles throws up a duck that Cole Kmet somehow catches while being blanketed, for 37 yards. We're in Inglewood, and that's the old Forum. Second quarter begins with Foles under pressure on 3rd and 5. He completes it to Mooney, but it's well short. Field goal is good. Goff gets called for intentional grounding but the face mask on Akiem Hicks is ignored. Rams try a jet sweep with Woods but Mario Edwards Jr. wasn't having any of it. Johnny Mundt? Who are these people? That pass play went for 39. He's filling in for Higbee, Griese says. Darrell Henderson is pulled down from behind at the Bears' 5, setting up a field goal try. It's good. 10-3.


I have this same problem with their voices. That's Donald's first-ever sack of Foles. That came after a time out, by the way. Ex-Bear Leonard Floyd sacks Foles. Rams get the ball back and Levy wonders why the Bears didn't use their last time out to at least try to force a punt. Nothing comes of it and we go to halftime. Lot of flags in this sequence. Mack gets to Goff and the ball comes out, but the Rams hang on to it. Hekker's pinned the Bears at or inside their own 10 three times tonight. Rams just miss a safety. Foles gets pressured and overthrows a wide-open Mooney.



Goff ignores the blind side rush and finds Reynolds on 3rd and 5. Goff to Kupp to the Bears' 13. Brown gets stopped at the 6, but the pile keeps moving and the whistle doesn't blow. He's still going! The pile stops at the 1. Touchdown Brown. Feels like Jimmy Graham's been more productive in Chicago than he was in Green Bay. Taylor Rapp intercepts Foles in the end zone! Troy Hill tipped the pass away from Mooney and Rapp ran in and caught it. Woods does what he does. 26 on the sweep. Gerald Everett breaks a tackle and scores. This is a catch and fumble by Anthony Miller. Are they saying he was down? Because I thought the ball came out. Anyway, they do change it to a completion and it's 4th and 1. The Bears run Patterson left... STUFFED. He lost three yards. Rams take over at the Bears' 32. Field goal is... partially blocked and falls short. Foles goes downfield to Robinson, who makes a good catch at the Rams' 20. Riddick isn't sure he knew the ball was coming right away. Bears revert to the run game, which eventually gets them to the Rams' 4. You know what you can't do here? Get sacked. You know what Foles does? Gets sacked. Rams take over.


Eddie Jackson picks up a fumble and scores! The penalty's on the Rams, so this'll stand. That makes it 24-10. Too early to onside kick. Announcers discuss how hard the Bears are to evaluate, given their comebacks, luck, and offensive struggles. Rams run it on 3rd and 9 for some reason. Hekker does it AGAIN, punting this 63 yards and pinning the Bears at their own 6.


And that drive ends with another Rams interception caused by the pass rush. Johnny Hekker's the damn MVP. The Rams defense has allowed only 33 second-half points all season. (Rams 24, Bears 10)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
 1. Pittsburgh (6-0) — Nothing comfortable about this
2. Kansas City (6-1) — Who needs good weather?
3. (tie) Green Bay (5-1) — You can't give these guys an inch
(tie) Tennessee (5-1) — Three points off three turnovers? That's not how you win
(tie) Baltimore (5-1) — Just going about their business

BOTTOM 4:
29. Cincinnati (1-5-1) — Burrow's ceiling is higher than Dalton's ever was
30. Jacksonville (1-6) — Couldn't even screw the Chargers
31. N.Y. Giants (1-6) — Truly, some things never change
32. N.Y. Jets (0-7) — You lost to six field goals? Really?

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