Friday, December 27, 2019

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 14: Everybody's Right On Time

That's, what, four third downs the Cowboys have converted on this opening drive? Yes, four. Thanks, Joe.  Elliott dives into the end zone on play No. 17. Bears are moving faster. Trubisky runs for 14. Trubisky makes a bad pass and it's almost intercepted — Jourdan Lewis couldn't keep his feet inbounds. Or COULD he? Garrett throws the challenge flag. This one's got a shot. Call REVERSED, which... I'm not sure how much the Cowboys really wanted to start at their own six-inch line. Then Prescott makes a risky throw that almost gets intercepted. Aikman surprised the Cowboys aren't going after the other Bears' corner, who's making his second career start. CM Punk in the house! WWE Backstage plug. Buck: "His wife, April." KAYFABE. J.P. Holtz with a CONVOY. 30 yards from Trubisky. Wait, when did the first quarter end? Touchdown Robinson. Cobb almost makes a nice catch in traffic, but it's just enough behind him that he can't. Bears back on offense and running the ball well. Miller runs wide after making a catch, works his way to a first down, but there's a flag. They get Wims for a block in the back but he didn't really do anything. The face mask that wasn't called also shouldn't have been called. Field goal is good.




Elliott finds a seam, breaks a tackle, and goes for 31. Oluwale never turns and looks for this third-down pass. Maher MISSES. He's ice-cold right now. The Bears' offensive line has gotten worse as the game's progressed. Miller bails Trubisky out on another poor decision. He's gotten some tough yards tonight. Two straight passes to Wins get broken up in the back of the end zone, and Wims is down after the second one. They try it again (and again, Jaylon Smith ends up covering a wide receiver) and this time it's caught! Simultaneous catch means it's a touchdown for Robinson. 17-7 Bears at halftime.




Trubisky scrambles for another first down, his second on this drive. Patterson breaks about four tackles and this Cowboys defense is getting embarrassed. Robinson gets held in the end zone and that'll make it first and goal. Screen to Miller, who scores! Cowboys defense looks "shocked" (Erin's word) on the sideline. Cowboys go three-and-out. The the Bears go three-and-out for the first time tonight. Buck points out that Cooper's been taken completely out of the game for the second time in three weeks. You sure you want to pay that dude?




Mack chases Prescott down from behind on third down. Montgomery fumbles and the Cowboys recover! Gallup drops the ball on the far sideline. Four-down territory here, and they go for it on fourth and 4. Prescott waits, but hits Gallup for a first down. He gets pulled down but still delivers another completion to Gallup. Elliott powers into the end zone as the fourth quarter begins. Extra point is good, and that's noteworthy. Maher then boots the ensuing kickoff out of bounds. Robinson makes a difficult catch in traffic and takes a hit to the back. TRUBISKY breaking tackles! Touchdown! Yeah, the Cowboys' tackling has been terrible tonight. Is this intentional grounding? Apparently. Oh, the ball didn't get past the line of scrimmage, they say. Hey, a Cooper sighting. Dak under pressure on 4th and 4 and he can't get it to Elliott.




Aikman calls the NFC East race "comical", then wonders who on the Cowboys' staff you'd make the interim head coach if they fired Garrett now. Gallup with a big gain made smaller by an illegal block. Bears have let up on this drive. Touchdown Cooper. Bears convert ANOTHER third down. Two-minute warning. Cobb gets to the Bears' 12 with 12 seconds left, and Maher is in to kick a field goal. It's good. Onside kick fails. This final score is deceiving as hell, and you should know that. (Bears 31, Cowboys 24)

Signal Finder: SF @ NO, BAL @ BUF, KC @ NE

One hundred catches for Michael Thomas. Jared Cook bounces off a dude and scores. 49ers calling some good routes on this drive and the receives are running them. Touchdown Bourne and we're already tied.
Whoa! Cook with a leaping catch for a touchdown! He's slow to get up but I didn't know he had those kind of ups. The Saints are going for two after an unnecessary roughness call on the touchdown, but the 49ers snuff it out. Short 49ers punt leads to a big return to their 29. Cook's in the locker room after that hit, so Josh Hill will be the tight end that catches this touchdown pass. 20-7 Saints to start the second quarter. Garoppolo throws a bomb that Sanders catches like a center fielder. He wasn't touched! He breaks a tackle and he's gonna score! Kamara with speed AND moves. Murray catches a pass from Brees and dances down the sideline for 30 yards. This game is on one. Kamara goes up the middle on third down and — does NOT make it. Sneak on 4th? Touchdown Brees. 27-14. Wide receiver pass! Touchdown SANDERS to MOSTERT! This game is on ALL of the drugs.




Screen to Kittle loses four yards. That was bad all around. Slow-developing, late throw, bad throw, no space for Kittle to work. The Niners make up for it by finding him down the sideline to convert third down. DOUBLE PITCH! Garoppolo to Juszczyk (who got flattened afterwards) to Mostert for another big play. Touchdown Mostert and he wasn't touched at all. Extra point gives the 49ers a 28-27 lead with 35 seconds before halftime. Saints get an interception off a deflection. Field goal team comes in. Lutz hits from 55 and the Saints go back on top. Kamara fumbles trying to go over the top and the 49ers recover. Did Kittle get the ball inside the pylon? Looks like it's on top of it and the 49ers cash in. Lutz good from 48. Thomas gets called for OPI (and he didn't get the first down anyway.) Saints run a fake punt pass that's... incomplete. Payton wants a flag but there's no pass interference on a punt, and, as Burkhart explains, holding isn't reviewable.




End of 3. I see Eli Apple still isn't good. Juszczyk takes a hit to the helmet and the flag comes out. Touchdown Bourne! Brees gets sacked but Sherman gets flagged for holding. Brees finds Thomas across the field, and he make some moves to get into the red zone. Touchdown Thomas! Saints kick the extra point because it doesn't matter. 42-40 with 6:06 left.  Garoppolo takes off and gets the first down. Fake  handoff, then a real one to Deebo Samuel, to turns the corner and gets some huge blocks. (This one fooled Burkhardt.) Brieda gets good blocking as well on his run for a first down. (He also stays inbounds.) SACK. Garoppolo incomplete to Samuel, which stops the clock. Robbie Gould is back and he makes it 45-40. Brees got blitzed and threw up a duck that almost got caught. Oh, he was hit as he threw it. That guy at the bottom's uncovered. It's Ginn! Sherman went out and his replacement didn't know what the call was. Shot of Sherman on the sideline getting his leg looked at. Witherspoon drops an interception. Feels like the 49ers haven't had cornerbacks this entire decade. TaQuan Smith! TOUCHDOWN!




Saints go for two but no one's open. The 49ers have all of their timeouts and 55 seconds. Garoppolo throws low into coverage. One more shot. 49ers call time out. Complete to Kittle! Get out of bounds, you idiot! That's an OBVIOUS face mask. Add 15 to that 39-yard pass play. Kittle dragged Marcus Williams almost 10 more yards, too. (He's the same guy who whiffed on Diggs in Minneapolis. Tough gig.) Niners will just run the clock down now. Here's Gould. High snap. IT'S GOOD!!!







(49ers 48, Saints 46)

So the Jets can keep the Dolphins out of the end zone? This fucking league. (Jets 22, Dolphins 21)




Heh. Andrews just misses this pass from Jackson in the end zone, which will bring on Tucker. He should make this. Yep. Allen gets wrecked by Judon and fumbles. Ravens get it! Wait, did Jerry Hughes really get hit with back-to-back unsportsmanlike conduct penalties? Or was that the same one? Oh, the first flag was defensive holding on someone else. OK. Jackson scrambles, then flips it to Boyle for the touchdown! Singletary finds a hole. Judon's been everywhere. Has anyone else but Singletary touched the ball on this drive? Field goal is good. Bills get a pick off a deflection. This is Terrell Edmunds, I believe. Hauschka drills it from to make it 10-6 Ravens. Eagle notes that neither quarterback is playing well. Halftime! Hayden Hurst showing off wheels! Touchdown Ravens. Bills can't really afford to be settling for field goals. 17-9 Ravens now.




I'd have called roughing the passer there on Oliver, not Murphy. Even so.




Jackson to Snead for a touchdown. Almost every time I see Dawson Knox he's making a big play. Gore gets stopped for a loss at the Ravens' 5. Allen gets taken out after an incompletion but there are offsetting penalties. Touchdown Beasley. Bills go for two and... make it! 24-17 with seven minutes left. Bills get it back and are riding Singletary. Offensive penalty pushes them back, but they remain undeterred in getting the ball to Singletary. Humphrey gets called for DPI on Beasley. (He grabbed him before he tripped. He may have grabbed him to avoid tripping.) Was that catchable, though? Didn't really look like it. Allen looking for John Brown, but Peters breaks it up! (Ravens 24, Bills 17)




They're the Knicks, but with actual historical relevance. (Packers 20, Redskins 15)

THE CHIEFS' GEAR GOT REDIRECTED TO NEW JERSEY. LET THAT SINK IN. Pats drawing two DPIs on two third downs? Dirty pool all around. Brady deep to Edelman for a touchdown!







Mahomes gets intercepted when Jackson cuts off Robinson. Romo wondering if Mahomes got hurt on a hit after an incomplete pass. Some decent acting by Van Noy on that offensive holding call. Quick pitch to Hill. Butker kicks a field goal as Mahomes gets examined on the sideline. Brady spots an opening and sneaks through for a first down. Nick Folk back and he'll try this field goal. Blocked!




Chiefs' pass protection is struggling. Touchdown Chiefs! Hardiman caught the pass, Jonathan Jones whiffed on the tackle and it was over. Breeland intercepts Brady! Did Edelman run the wrong route? Did Brady throw the wrong pass? That was STRANGE. Mahomes to Kelce to the 4. Did they just give Travis Kelce the ball on a running play? Touchdown Chiefs! 17-7. Patriots go for it on 4th and 7, passing up a field goal. Chiefs blitz and Brady throws incomplete.




The Chiefs' defense has been getting takeaways lately, but they're still not great. Chiefs take over near midfield. How has almost no time come off the clock? Chiefs taking their time here. Mahomes throws it away under pressure. Butker good from 31. So do the Chiefs blow this today or in the divisional round? They get the ball to start the second half. Chiefs facing fourth and a foot. I might go for this. Put the hammer down. Romo: "Maybe Kelce comes in and sneaks." Handoff to the returning Spencer Ware gets it. Butker kicks a shorter field goal. Brady gets sacked again. Jones wants OPI on Watkins but doesn't get it. Ware fumbles the screen pass but falls on top of it. BLOCKED PUNT! Pats handoff to Brandon Bolden (who's up this week) and he reaches the pylon! Touchdown! Patriots go for two. NOPE. Kelce fumbles! Touchdown Gilmore! Wait, what? They blew the play dead? Patriots challenge for... I'm not completely sure. Now this I don't get. They reversed the call to a fumble, but the Patriots don't get the clear touchdown return? How does that make sense? Brady goes deep to Meyers, who draws an interference penalty. Harry to the sideline and... the pylon? Is this a touchdown? Refs say he's out at the 3. Except he isn't, and the Patriots are out of challenges. Next play is to Meyers in the end zone and the refs wave this one off, too. Yeah, that's incomplete, though. Once-per-game scuffle happening now. This is still going on. Watkins and Gilmore are wrestling on the sideline behind the benches! Romo hates this OPI call on Kelce and he should. I mean, they threw a flag for that but nothing on the fight on the play before that. Another flag. Mahomes pleading his case against intentional grounding, it looks like. Oh, it was for a face mask? On HIM? Not sure I've ever seen that before. Yeah, that's a face mask. Patriots have no one back there on this punt. Are they gonna come after this one, too? They probably should have. Halfback pass from White to Meyers. Brady throws deep to Dorsett but Kendall Fuller breaks it up. Oh, that's interference. Brady takes off on fourth and six and gets 17! That is DESPERATION. Pats get seven on second down. Romo predicts someone will call time out on this 4th and 3 call. Blitz! Breeland knocks it away from Edelman! YOU LOVE TO SEE IT.







(Chiefs 23, Patriots 16)

This may well be the Rams' last stand. But the Seahawks will get the ball first. Penny injured after this catch. Workmanlike drive by the Seahawks here. Myers field goal is good. Two quick Goff-to-Woods passes flip the field. Goff goes deep to... Tyler Higbee? First and goal at the 1. Malcolm Brown stays ruining fantasy teams all year. Woods played big last week and makes another big catch here. HIGBEE. Touchdown Woods!




Fowler takes advantage of Donald being double-teamed and wraps up... CJ Prosise? He's still alive? Wilson rolls out, but the pass bounces off Turner's hands. MORE HIGBEE. Goff finding things in the middle of the field. The pass to Gurley set up the pass to Kupp. One minute left. Kupp sneaks into the zone and makes a sliding catch for a touchdown. Seahawks run it on 3rd and 1. It works, but... why? Wilson can't get away from Fowler and that's the half. Goff throws one right to Quandre Diggs and that's going to the house!




Extra point is... NO GOOD. Gurley gets free for a big run, set up by Whitworth sealing the edge. Goff throws deep but he overthrows Cooks and Diggs intercepts this one, too. Seahawks can't capitalize. Goff jump pass falls just out of Higbee's reach. Field goal is BLOCKED. History of the Coliseum. Al plugs the 2028 L.A. Olympics. "Check your local listings." That angle of the new stadium makes it look like the location icon on Google Maps. Fourth quarter begins. Goff rolls out of the end zone and finds Higbee in space. Jet sweep to Woods is the second one they've run on this drive, and they've both worked. There's a reverse to Woods. The Seahawks haven't been able to stop this stuff. Gurley with a stiffarm and a touchdown. Metcalf with the best catch of the night by a Seahawks offensive player. Not a big fan of kicking the field goal here, 'Hawks. Can you count on getting the ball back two more times? BILLS FLEX next week. It'll be their first Sunday Night game since 2007 (!!) Seahawks mishandle this punt but get lucky. Wilson gets sandwiched. Josh Gordon shows up, helping convert 4th and 18. Wilson throws up a lob that gets intercepted in the end zone. Good win by the Rams, who needed it. (Rams 28, Seahawks 12)

Speaking of last stands. This weather is hellacious. Abby AND Peyton are here. Eagles get the ball first. Boston Scott, of all people, gets the first carry. Someone forgets to block Markus Golden and this drive is over. ELI BACK. Was the idea behind three Giants prime-time games to do an Eli farewell tour? I don't get it. First pass on third down is behind Barkley. Looks like Wentz got hit as he threw that one. Screen to Sanders won't get there. Wentz sneaks on fourth down and... fumbles? Call STANDS.




Big Barkley run called back. ELI MANNING, FOLKS.




Someone tell Booger there's no one on the Eagles to take a deep shot WITH. Sanders picks up 3rd and 2. This rivalry is DEADLOCKED. 83-83-2 with a 32-point margin in favor of the Giants. Scoreless after one, and the Giants face a 3rd and 13. Slayton makes the catch, Darby misses the tackle, and it's touchdown Giants. Now Alshon's hurt? What?




Wentz on the move, and Ertz helps him out so he can find him. Tessitore asks a question few have asked this season: Is Wentz afraid of getting hurt again? Giants blow the coverage and Wentz almost overthrows Ertz, but he catches it for 30 yards and it's first and goal. Jeffrey getting carted inside as Brooks is called for holding. Field goal is good. Eli goes 42 yards deep to Slayton, who beats Darby again. Eli unlucky to miss Tate in the end zone. Jenkins just got a finger on it to deflect it away. Field goal is good. Lane's hurt. That's a good punt by Johnston and good coverage by the Eagles. Maddox with good coverage on Tate. Eagles gotta come after this punt. They don't get there, and the coverage runs into Ward.




Punting from midfield? Doug's lost it. Slayton beats Darby again (AND McLeod) for another touchdown. Crowd is FURIOUS. Eagles start near midfield after Ward's punt return. Three and out. This is hopeless. I'm surprised the place hasn't emptied out yet. Leonard Williams hits Wentz with a cheap late elbow. Bad snap leads to a sack. Wentz throws low for Ward, who was covered. The Eagles wide receivers have one catch for one yard, Booger says. First down Boston Scott! Scott getting some run here. He picks up the first down on 3rd and 3, then gets the touchdown. PAT team comes out as Tessitore mentions the analytics the Eagles use. Kick is good. This offense isn't good enough to chase an extra point if they don't get it. End of three. Sterling Shepard's playing? Eli just missed him. Tess also notes that Slayton hasn't been targeted the second half. Sanders has cramps, we are told. Scott with MOVES.




Eagles not huddling here. Josh Perkins (?) gets eight on third and 7 after catching it two yards short of the marker. Scott gets 16 on a screen. Sanders back in but he loses a yard. Eagles challenging the non-call for pass interference. This won't be overturned. Hell if I know. Ward tipped it, so there's no interference. Wentz goes deep for Ward in the end zone but he can't bring it down. Elliott MISSES from 47! Christ. Eagles sniff out a flea-flicker attempt, which hilariously ends with Eli tossing it back to Barkley for a three-yard loss. That penalty will help the Eagles. I almost think they have to go for it here on 4th and 1, even from their own 30. They do and Wentz sneaks and gets it. Arceaga-Whiteside with an over-the-shoulder catch! Eagles receivers don't make catches like that, at least not this year.




Goedert to the Giants' 13! Wentz to Ward to the 2! Two minute warning after Sanders gets stopped on first and goal. Antoine Bethea is still making plays in his 14th season. He was a teammate of Booger's in Indianapolis when Peyton won the Super Bowl, for God's sake. TOUCHDOWN ERTZ. Do they dare go for two here?




They don't, and Elliott ties it up. America didn't want this, Booger. Sidney Jones out of the doghouse and breaking up a pass. Eagles get the ball back with 1:25 left and a time out. Screens have worked well tonight for the Eagles, a throwback to Reid's best days. Wentz takes a hit and the ball flies up in the air, but Semualo spikes it into the turf to save the play. Wentz to Perkins for nine. Not sure why Pederson isn't either sending the play in or calling time out. The GIANTS call time with 17 seconds left. Eagles punt, signaling they're OK with going to overtime. Well, they didn't ask us.




Eagles win the toss. Scott takes a pitch 25 yards. Wentz to Perkins for a first down. Wentz with a rocket to Ward for eight. Sanders bounces it outside and gets a first down. Crowd pops when Scott hits the hole, but he's stopped at the 3. Ertz WIDE OPEN for the touchdown! Sweet Jesus.







Eli getting his respect from the Eagles post game, especially the veterans, who know that this is it for him. (Eagles 23, Giants 17, OT)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Baltimore (11-2) — Yeah, I think Jackson's the MVP
2. San Francisco (11-2) — Passing a proving ground
3. Seattle (10-3) — That one hurt
4. New Orleans (10-3) — The Saints have that game every couple of years

BOTTOM 4:
29. Arizona (3-9-1) — At least Murray's good
30. N.Y. Jets (4-8) — Are they... heating up?
31. N.Y. Giants (2-11) — Blew that one
32. Cincinnati (1-12) — Back to normal
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