Sunday, November 3, 2019

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 8: Saved For Later

Will this be a Kirk Cousins revenge game or an Adrian Peterson revenge game? Who knows? WHO KNOWS. I... kind of like these Vikings jerseys with the gold trim in addition to the numerals. No Adam Thielen for the Vikings. Cousins barely gets 3rd and 1 on a rollout. Diggs is wide open in the middle of the field. He gets to the Washington 25 and FUMBLES! Washington's got it. OOF. Case Keenum back at quarterback, so there's revenge game potential for HIM, too. Peterson gets 3rd and 1 but there's offensive holding. Keenum FUMBLES! Vikings recover.




Dunbar rides Rudolph out of bounds a yard short of a first down. Vikings go for 4th and a long one, give it to Cook, and pick it up fairly easily. Washington declines a penalty on 2nd and 8, and Treadwell gains no yards. Dan Bailey hits from 50. Keenum misses McLaurin in the end zone, and it's because Xavier Rhodes interfered. First and goal. Keenum throws it into the turf when he had a chance to take it in himself. Vikings decline the offensive holding penalty (?) and Hopkins makes a short field goal to tie it. Screen to Cook gets 18 on first and 20. Diggs wide open AGAIN. This time he goes down after a 34-yard pickup. Cousins gets sacked. Big hole opens up for Cook and he gets to the 3. Cousins gets sacked AGAIN and the Vikings settle for another field goal.




Peterson makes a bunch of cuts and gains 13 yards. Washington back in the red zone. Keenum gets sacked. Hopkins field goal ties it at 6. Overhead view of the Vikings' crashed star destroyer of a stadium, which Buck strangely calls "one of the most beautiful views in sports." This first half has flown by, now that he mentions it. Cook has run WILD in this first half. About three guys missed him on that screen play. Fifty seconds left. Maddison trips. Vikings let the clock run down to 15 seconds before running another play, holding on to all three time outs. Who's coaching this game, Andy Reid? They call one with 11 seconds left. Touchdown Cook. That sequence still made no sense. Halftime. Haskins? What's that about?




Diggs goes up between two defenders to make that catch, then ends up on the receiving end of a helmet-to-helmet hit. Cook flat-out drops a pass. Cousins finds Diggs again, and add 15 yards for roughing the passer on top of that. Field goal is good. The one half of the roof is... some kind of mesh? They then show the Metrodome roof caving in. Haskins sidearms it to Peterson, who breaks two tackles and gets 24 yards. He goes outside for another first down, passing Tomlinson and Bettis for sixth-all time in rushing. Washington continues to gag in the red zone and it's now 16-9.Vikings go for it on 4th and 1 from their own 34. Um... they didn't get it. Washington takes over. Billy Kilmer over Theismann, Doug Williams or even Mark Rypien? Haskins overthrows McLaurin and Anthony Harris picks him off. Diggs makes a tough sideline catch for 5 yards on 3rd and 4. Can someone score a touchdown in this game? Aikman feels Haskins' pain. Vikings starting to grind and speed the game up now. They're just wearing down Washington. Crowd applauds at the two-minute warning when they're shown a notice that Peterson moved up the rushing list. The Vikings really didn't punt? (Vikings 19, Redskins 9)

Signal Finder: AZ @ NO, PHI @ BUF, DEN@ IND (end), CLE @ NE

BREES BACK. Still no Kamara, though. Saints don't look like they've missed a beat until a reverse gets blown up for a nine-yard loss. They get eight back on 3rd and 12, but Lutz's field goal attempt goes wide left. Chase Edmonds starting again for David Johnson for the Cardinals. Charles Clay's a Cardinal? Huh. Field goal goes through. Murray's been impersonating Kamara well these last two games. Taysom Hill finds some room and picks up 22 yards. Brees's pass into the end zone is deflected and falls incomplete. Lutz ties it. There's a big play to Thomas. There's another one. A hole blows up in the zone and Murray scores. 10-6 Saints. Aquarium otters B-roll? Murray finds Fitzgerald in the end zone but he can't keep his right foot inbounds. Would have been a great catch. Cards settle for three. This is a forward pass, not a fumble. They eventually call it a fumble recovery and touchdown, but this should be overturned. Call reversed and that's an easy one. Amazed this game remains 10-6 halfway through the third quarter. The Cardinals go for it on 4th and 1 from their own 29, but Edmonds can't pick it up. Not sure I like that one as they just gave the Saints a short field in a tight game. Brees to Murray for a touchdown. How'd we get stuck with two straight Cardinals road games, anyway? That's the second 20-plus yard pass to Clay today, and I think those are the only two he's caught. Zane Gonzales makes a 50-yarder as the Cardinals can't get near the end zone. Brees to Taysom Hill for a touchdown! Saints pouring it on now. Brett Hundley (?!) in at quarterback for the Cardinals. He went home. That's cool. Broncos-Colts soon? It actually looks like we'll stay here until the end. Brees and Kyler Murray having an extended conversation at midfield. (Saints 31, Cardinals 9)

NOW Broncos-Colts. Broncos have the ball here and are up by one thanks to another missed PAT by Viniatieri. Colts stop Lindsay on third and 5, ensuring they'll get the ball back. They do, at their own 10. Whoa! Brissett almost got caught for a safety, then rolled away (from Von Miller, no less) and got it to Hilton for 35 yards! Oddly, if he'd kept his hand on his helmet, he wouldn't have been able to get the horse-collar tackle. Colts about five yards away from field goal range. Brissett's gotta throw that away instead of taking a loss. Twenty-five seconds left. Viniatieri on for a 51-yarder. GOOD.




Flacco gets hit from behind and fumbles. Broncos fall on it. Give it back to the ref, you slowpokes! Clock runs out. crosses off Broncos (Colts 15, Broncos 13)

I'm Sorry You Had To See That: BUCCANEERS FOOTBALL:







(Titans 27, Buccaneers 23)


Bills win the toss and take the ball. What's even happening anymore? Allen fumbles but is lucky to recover it. That's a hell of a punt. At least the Eagles won't get the ball for the first (or second) time down 7-0.




Agholor takes an end around 16 yards, which is his best role at this point. Miles Sanders is the Eagles' best big-play receiver with Desean still out. Risky throw by Wentz to Goedert on third down sails past. Elliott hits from 37 in some weird winds. The Eagles scored first! Stop the presses! T.J. Edwards getting run on defense? What? That's probably roughing, yeah. Allen takes off on a 15-yard run and then gets hit while sliding. Jenkins knows better. He does read the subsequent pitch to Devin Singletary for a two-yard loss. I'd have taken that penalty. And that's why. Allen rolls out, nobody's anywhere near Cole Beasley and he walks into the end zone. Jeffery lays out on the sideline to make a catch. Inside pitch to Agholor gets blown up by a blitz. Not sure I get that one.




That's the second touchback on an Eagles punt today. Fumble! Graham recovers for the Eagles! Eagles enter a two-minute drill. Wentz doesn't go out of bounds, for some reason. Touchdown Goedert. Eagles call time out, then... line up to go for two? The wind must REALLY be up. Myers and Moose discuss this and figure that's at least part of it, as well as Pederson trying to make a point. Pitch to Sanders and he gets there. What the hell did they call on Ertz? Allen TAKES OFF for about a 30-yard run and calls time out with one second left. Hauschka will try from 53. Nope. Wind pushed it across the field. 11-7 Eagles at halftime. SANDERS!! Sixty-five yard touchdown!




That's his first rushing touchdown? Huh. Why are all the pylons lying on their sides? CLANG! Extra point is MISSED. (At the opposite end of the field, by the way.) I feel like Allen throws better on the run than he does from the pocket. He gets away from Cox, but slips and is whistled down, losing three yards. Touchdown Singletary. How many tackles did he break? (Only two but he embarrassed Douglas and McLeod.) That was ridiculous.




Extra point is BLOCKED! Wentz goes somewhat deep to Jeffery for 38. That looked better than some of Jeffery's first-half stuff. Touchdown... BOSTON SCOTT? What is this game? 24-13 Eagles. Meanwhile, Sanders heads into the locker room. Scott fumbles the punt return and the Bills recover! Yeah, that ball's coming out. Gore's about to pass Barry Sanders on the rushing list. Graham with a much-needed sack. Bills going for it on 4th and 10 (!!!), and Darby knocks the pass away from John Brown at the last second.




Third quarter ends with Wentz getting sacked. Some weirdness with a running into the kicker penalty on this Bills punt, but it's only five yards and the Eagles still get the ball. Footage of Cunningham's 95-yard escape and bomb to Fred Barnett here in 1990. Wentz with a big third-down run. And another one, though that one was probably designed. Howard back in. Moose credits Pederson with seeing something he didn't that's enabled them to have success running inside, especially this half. Howard touchdown caps off an eight-plus minute drive. Allen gets crunched on a sack and is lucky his linemen recovered the fumble (his third fumble today). Myers and Moose point out that the one fumble he lost turned the tide of this game.




(Eagles 31, Bills 13)




The answer: The Bears' kicker did what the Bears' kickers do.




The more things change. (Chargers 17, Bears 16)


This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Already raining pretty hard in Foxboro(ugh). Patriots getting the ball first. Browns have benched left tackle Greg Robinson, who should have fizzled out of the league years ago. The one Browns punt gunner came out like he was running a pass route. Dorsett with an over-the shoulder sideline catch. Five years in and he's finally starting to show some worth. Fourth and 7 and Brady stays on the field, and completes it to Edelman. Michel blows right through a big hole. Denzel Ward, who's finally back from injury, drops an interception in the end zone. Nugent field goal is good. Chubb fumbles, and it's picked up by Hightower! Touchdown Patriots! Did Chubb run into his own teammate there? Is that why he lost the ball? 10-0 Patriots. CHUBB!! OH NO HE FUMBLED AGAIN AND THE PATRIOTS GOT IT. Unreal. He can't even look.




He ran about 65 yards and Jones punched the ball out at the end. Nantz says it was 55 yards. My God.
There's movement on the line on this Patriots punt attempt and this'll be a first down for the Patriots. OH WAIT IT'S NOT. The Patriots actually moved first, drawing the Browns offsides. Nantz and Romo were sure that was gonna be on the Browns, and frankly, I can't blame them for that. Mayfield flips it right to Lawrence Guy. He plays for the Patriots. That's three straight turnovers for the Browns. As in, three plays, three turnovers.







Touchdown Edelman. The Browns complete an offensive series! And by "complete" I mean "don't go three and out." I mean, they ran five plays before punting, but that's a marked improvement. Browns fumble the punt return! But they get it back. Thank God. Beckham with a catch. Chubb with a carry that doesn't end with the ball in the Patriots' hands. Touchdown! Wait, what? No, really, touchdown Browns. Edelman, as usual, finds space. Hey, a Mohamed Sanu sighting. Field goal is BLOCKED! Mayfield with nowhere to go and he takes a sack for a 10-yard loss. 17-7 at halftime and somehow it doesn't feel over. Browns are DRIVING? Field goal squirts through. A Rex Burkhead sighting? Michel picks up 3rd and 1 after almost getting tackled for a loss. Touchdown, Brady to Edelman. That one pumpkin portrait looks nothing like Tracy, which Romo points out. Talk turns to Brady's future, and Romo hesitates when Nantz asks him if he can see Brady playing for anyone else. To weigh in on this: I could see Brady playing for Josh McDaniels, because he won't get another interview with another team after what he did to the Colts. I can not see Bill Belichick wanting to coach another quarterback. He's almost 70 (68, to be precise) and I don't think he'd feel like he needed to stick around if his guy isn't gonna be there. Rain's mostly stopped. Patriots miss another field goal late, and that could be a situation worth monitoring much, much further down the line. (Patriots 27, Browns 13)


Watt's out for the season again? Talk about winning the battle but losing the war. (Texans 27, Raiders 24)

It's a Super Bowl I rematch! That's some fortuitous scheduling. Jake Kumerow goes up to pull in that Rodgers pass. Then he comes up with a rolling catch. Chiefs challenge. This looks like good control by Kumerow here. I don't see the ball come out. Call STANDS. Aaron Jones touchdown is canceled by offensive holding. This one will count. Packers challenge the spot on this Watkins catch. I didn't think he made it. REVERSED. Chiefs punt. They'd have gone for it with Mahomes in the game, I'd bet. Rodgers loses 17 yards on a sack. Oof. Short punt and Hardman (I've been adding a "I" to his name for the first seven games. I apologize) returns it to the Packers' 30. Butker misses the field goal! Rodgers throws to Jones for a 60-yard touchdown! Wait, hang on. They're saying he went out of bounds at the 10. Still, that's 50. Rodgers to Lazard, who gets to the half-yard line. Touchdown Williams. Hill almost made a tough over-the-shoulder catch. Damian Williams with a tough run. Moore goes downfield to Kelce. Hill makes that catch in a little bit of space and gets the first down. Touchdown Kelce! Chiefs needed that, and it helps that it was ridiculously easy.




Chiefs on the move again. Hill jaws with Kevin King after a catch. Quick pitch to the wideout... touchdown Hardman! Breeland dives for an interception but can't bring it in. He's had a rough year. Wait, Matt Moore was actually retired and working as a scout? He repped the Dolphins at Kyler Murray's pro day. Hardman speeds through traffic (from both teams) before stumbling on his own. Chiefs kick a field goal with 1:01 before halftime. Rodgers slides with four seconds left. Hail Mary time. The Chiefs blitz and sack Rodgers. That's perfect. 17-14 Chiefs at halftime. Should've rethought that swing pass to the back, Andy. Then Moore gets sacked. First down Jamal Williams. Third and goal and Rodgers gets sacked. Field goal is good. McCoy fumbles and the Packers recover! Rodgers runs around and then finds Jamal Williams in the back of the end zone! He was going to the ground and throwing off his back foot when he did that. Al: "You wonder if he ever impresses himself." Sammy Watkins back. Touchdown Damian Williams! We're tied again. Rodgers flips a screen pass to Jones, who goes 67 yards down the sideline! Touchdown! Not sure how that pass to Kelce fell incomplete. Both he and one of the defenders had his hands on it. Kelce catches that one and fights for the two yards he needs to get the first down.




Why did the Chiefs punt? Down seven with just over five minutes left? Really, Andy? Jones catch ends it. The Arrowhead home field advantage is gone. Al: "[The Packers] They're on the road next week, technically speaking. They play the Chargers." Hang on, what? There's a penalty? Oh, they picked up the flag. The Chiefs never got the ball back, by the way. (Packers 31, Chiefs 24)

Why? Why do this? The Dolphins have already traded Kenyan Drake. We're on schedule for Fitzmagic to run out soon, possibly tonight. Three and out for the Dolphins. Mason Rudolph back for the Steelers and gets intercepted on the first play. Is Xavien Howard the only good Dolphins player left? Tessitore says Fitzpatrick's had a child born in every state he's played in. Fitzpatrick to Albert Wilson for a touchdown! Conner with a breakout run. Eric Rowe's a Dolphin now? Rudolph's pocket collapses, but a Dolphins penalty bails them out. Then he throws another interception on a pass that went off James Washington's hands. During the commercial break, they change the call (correctly) to an incomplete pass, as Lewis's right foot was out of bounds. Steelers get 14 on 3rd and 20, then go for it on 4th and 6 but don't get it. Booger blaming Rudolph for a bad throw on the not-interception, which isn't wrong, but Washington had his hands on it. Preston Williams getting a lot of run as a rookie. Allen Hurns back? Touchdown after he plows through some awful tackling.










Dolphins punt drops perfectly inside the 10. The home fans are not happy. Rudolph finds Juju for 34. But he misses Dionte Johnson and they have to settle for a 42-yarder that Boswell barely makes.
Minkah Fitzpatrick comes up with the tipped interception! Rudolph to Johnson to the... 1? Was he in? Wait, OPI? What? Hang on, the booth initiated this review on the offensive pass interference call because we're inside two minutes, which Tessitore points out and says that the fact that the booth called for it might get it overturned. Call STANDS because of course it does. That would have put the Steelers in the red zone. Johnson comes right back on a slant and takes it 45 yards for a touchdown! Booger: "Why are we blitzing on 3rd and 22?"




Why, indeed. 14-10 Dolphins at halftime. Conner with another breakout run. Boswell misses! The Dolphins have been terrible in the third quarter, having gone eight games without a touchdown in that period. Ryan Fitzpatrick throws up a punt and Minkah Fitzpatrick comes down with another interception.




Steelers have had way too many 2nd-and-longs tonight. Rudolph to Juju for 21. Johnson converts a 3rd and 8. Juju outjumps a Dolphin for a 26-yard touchdown. Tessitore notes that CB Xavien Howard was not on the field for that series. Is he hurt, too, or is he about to get traded? Deadline's tomorrow. The Dolphins' long-term quarterback problems are only marginally better than the Browns', and that's only because the Browns haven't been trying to replace Dan Marino. Fitzmagic scrambles on third down and doesn't get there. They go for it on 4th and 1 and... he makes it? Steelers challenge the spot. They've lost 11 challenges in a row going back to 2017? That's some Mike McCarthy shit. They're gonna move it back and re-measure. It's short! The streak ends! Brian Flores is LIVID. We go into the fourth quarter and he's still mad. Rudolph fakes a handoff and fires one to Juju, who appears to lose a shoe or something. Conner goes up the middle and... scores? The ball comes out at the end but I thought he was short. Oh, that ball touches the goal line. That's a touchdown, and that should do it. Strip sack by T.J. Watt. Field goal is good. There's still 5:30 left? I'm surprised Devante Parker's playing tonight, too — the Fish have been trying to get rid of him for three years. Conner leaving the field, and Tess notes that the Steelers are down to Trey Edmunds and only Trey Edmunds at running back. (Steelers 27, Dolphins 14)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. New England (8-0) — Soon to be 9-0
2. San Francisco (7-0) — A thorough dismantling
3. New Orleans (7-1) — Like he never left
4. Green Bay (7-1) — Is Devante Adams coming back this season?

BOTTOM 4:
29. Atlanta (1-7) — Lot of interim coach types on that staff
30. Washington (1-7) — Again, it's as bad as it looks
31. Cincinnati (0-7) — Did... did they give Andy Dalton a raw deal?
32. Miami (0-7) — I mean, at least you're in Miami?
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