Saturday, November 9, 2019

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: Puncher's Chance

Did someone miss a cue? Buck's stopping and starting like someone missed a cue. Kenyan Drake lives! He gets the ball immediately and goes for 36. (His season long with the Dolphins was 11.) Murray reverses field but still gets sacked, but a horse-collar tackle gives the Cardinals a first down anyway. Drake gets to the pylon... and across it. Touchdown.




Kittle down for the Niners and that's not good. He's up, but now the grounds crew is pounding down a divot in the turf. No wonder no one comes here. D.J. Humphries appears to be the Cardinals' Garret Bolles. Kittle comes back out with the 49ers on their second series. Drop by someone on the Cardinals named Keshawn Johnson wearing No. 19. Budda Baker makes a play on a ball headed for Kittle. Tevin Coleman picks up 3rd and 4. Kittle gets open in the middle of the field, breaks two tackles and scores. Second and 29 after a sack and the 49ers' Fred Warner drops a pick-six. Murray never saw him. FOX goes to commercial, then they don't so the refs can announce something, then they do anyway. Buck shouts out the Gin Blossoms as "Follow You Down" is played into the break. Garoppolo to Sanders for 32, who gets the last eight or so on a nice cut back inside. Samuel makes a catch on the sideline. Kingsbury apparently had the challenge flag in his hand here but doesn't throw it, and Pereira says he would have won the challenge if he had. Touchdown... Kendrick Born? OK. That pass was tipped slightly and Born still managed to haul it in. Buck needles Aikman about losing to Jake Plummer in the 2002 NFC wild card game, then names off some St. Louis Cardinals quarterbacks. Brieda finds a big hole in the defense and goes for 31. He follows that up with another big run. Coleman touchdown is negated by a holding penalty, then Deebo Samuel drops what would have been a great leaping touchdown catch. Kittle gets stopped at the 1 on third down. Shanahan runs the play clock down, calls time, then decided to go for it. It's stopped, but the Cardinals had called time out (the clock, sitting at four seconds, never ran) and the 49ers will get another shot at it. Touchdown Sanders. 21-7 at halftime and that's such a Cardinals thing to happen. Is it in the CBA that "Werewolf in London" be played at some point during a Halloween weekend NFL game? Flag takes out a 38-yard Cardinals punt return. Drake's already over 100 yards. Touchdown To Johnson. Coleman fumbles? Cardinals have it. Let's see. No, he's down. This should be reversed and is. Garoppolo with excellent timing on that pass to Sanders. Another good Garoppolo throw leads Dante Pettis to an easy touchdown. 28-14. Drake gets 17 on 3rd and 18. Flag. "Illegal man downfield. Several players." No, really. That's what he said. Murray's first scramble of the night gets 18. More Drake. Cardinals on the move and there's still plenty of time. Alfred Morris lives? Cardinals settle for three. Quick pass to Andy Isabella, who appears to be an Edelman clone. This kid's got wheels. He's gonna make it! 89 yards! Touchdown!




Cardinals going for two with under five minutes left. Pass to Drake and he gets in! 28-25. Garoppolo to Sanders on third down in front of three Cardinals. The spot on this Coleman carry is going to be interesting. They give him the first down and the Cardinals challenge the spot.




Call stands. Garoppolo finds Dwilley on 3rd and 9! That's it. (49ers 28, Cardinals 25)

Discussion turns to who will be the quarterback for the Jaguars when they get back from their bye week, as Foles is eligible to return. Two plays later, Minshew throws high and is intercepted. Hyde's gonna score... but he fumbles! They rule he fumbled before he made the end zone and it's Jaguars ball! Now we've got some jawing back and forth. Now the Jaguars are yelling at each other. Minshew immediately gets picked off AGAIN by Justin Reid! This is a mess and won't help his case to keep the starting job that the announcers were JUST talking about. Watson does his best Jumpman logo impression but is ruled out at the 1. Touchdown to Hopkins on the next play. That's some really crappy pass interference by Bouye, who didn't do anything to prevent that catch. Minshew scrambles and FUMBLES. Texans ball! Irvin says the crew jinxed him by bringing it up. (Texans 26, Jaguars 3)

Signal Finder: IND @ PIT, CHI @ PHI, TEN @ CAR (end), MIN @ KC (end), GB @ LAC, CLE @ DEN (end)

Jaylen Samuels starts at running back for the Steelers, and he's a better pass-catcher than Conner. Rudolph throws an interception! No T.Y. Hilton for the Colts today and for the next few weeks. Bud Dupree's been very good for the Steelers this season. Viniatieri hits. Who this? Trey Edmonds, who's up because of the Conner and Benny Snell injuries. James Washington makes a juggling catch for a first down. Did Samuels score here? Rudolph gets forced out of the pocket on third and goal and seems to lose track of everything. Did he step out of bounds? He did and the officials didn't see it. Boswell field goal ties it.
Parris Campbell fumbles after making the catch, but the ball goes out of bounds at the Pittsburgh 2, instead of going through the end zone. The erfs bring the ball back to the 7. Brissett's down. He gets up and goes to the sideline. Brian Hoyer's the backup here, in case you were wondering where he was. Touchdown, Hoyer to Jack Doyle! Colts stuff a fourth-down shovel pass to Juju, ending this Steelers drive at the Colts' 35. Campbell gets 22 on a reverse. Hoyer gets intercepted by Minkah Fitzpatrick. He's got room! Touchdown! 96 yards! T.J. Watt gets flagged for roughing the passer, adding 15 yards to that pass to Hines. No Marlon Mack on this drive, which is odd. Touchdown Pascal. Extra point is blocked and it's 16-10 Colts. Darius Leonard hits Vance McDonald late for no reason with no time left on the clock. Now Boswell has a 51-yard field goal attempt. It's GOOD. Hoyer still in for the Colts. I think Campbell has the most "stuff" of their other receivers. Colts go for it on fourth and 4 from the Steelers' 35, but Hoyer is sacked and fumbles. Another penalty on Leonard. Pass to Samuels gets the Steelers into the red zone.




That's good punt coverage, Was he out of the end zone? He was! Steelers stuck at their own 1. Rudolph fumbles in the end zone! Who's got it! The Steelers recover so it's only a safety. 20-18. And then there's a fumble on the free kick return and the Steelers will get it at the Colts' 17! This game is low-key nuts. Field goal is good and it's 23-18. Samuels fumbles after a short pass and the Colts have it. Chester Rogers drifts to the back of the end zone, and Hoyer rolls out and finds him for a touchdown. Two-point try fails  but the Colts regain the lead, 24-23. Rudolph to Washington for 40! Colts waste a challenge on pass interference. Steelers forced to settle for another field goal, but they're ahead again. Watt with a sack. Steelers go three and out. Steven Nelson, who isn't good, gets called for pass interference. The Steelers challenge. Call STANDS. Steelers want OPI on this Pascal catch. I don't see it, honestly. Call ALSO stands.




Just to reiterate that. Colts in position for  a field goal. Viniatieri... MISSES! Wide left! LACES OUT!! The Steelers win to keep their season alive and the Colts fall out of first place. That's potentially seismic. (Steelers 26, Colts 24)

Eagles getting Jackson, Sproles AND Jernigan back. Bears go three and out. Wind is UP, as that punt takes off and rolls into the end zone. Howard finds a big hole and goes for 12. Wentz throws low but Agholor actually catches it. Looks clean and the Eagles hurry up and run the next play. I feel like you still have to be able to run the ball on 3rd and short. Eagles go for 4th and 2 and Wentz hits Ertz across the middle. Sanders takes a hit on 2nd and long. Pocket collapses around Wentz and they settle for a field goal. The color guy's supposed to be Mark Schlereth but it doesn't sound like him. Matt Nagy's trying to divine inspiration from the Nationals.




Stockton notes that now the Bears defense seems off after back-to-back penalties. It IS Schlereth. Huh. Mike Trout here in his usual end zone seat. The Bears can't stay on their own side, turning 3rd and 7 into 3rd and 2. Amukamara stuffs Sanders on a screen. Elliott from 28 again. Desean Jackson hasn't been on the field since the first series. Barnett and Josh Sweat force a sack. Wentz pass to Jeffery goes a little long. Howard stopped on 3rd and inches and the Eagles will go for it here from the Bears' 39. They barely get the play off and it's incomplete — but Wentz gets roughed and the Eagles get a first down anyway! Look, those are the rules. I feel like Schlereth wanted to criticize the call but he says that the Bears just have to be smarter. Ertz runs a middle slant and Wentz finds him for a touchdown! They pick up the flag (which may have been on Ertz), Elliott misses the extra point, and it's 12-0. Allen Robinson gets open on 3rd and 12, but he's ruled out of bounds. Eddie Goldman out for the Bears. Trubisky hasn't been accurate at all on his throws. New guy Genard Avery teams up with Jenkins for that sack. Cohen fields this punt at the 5 and that's a mistake. That Trubisky scramble puts the Bears into double-digit yards and is their first first down of the game with 48 seconds left in the half. I am wrong — they are still at nine yards.




Ertz wants a late hit call, and it looks like he got it. Howard up the middle for an easy touchdown. You know who could use that guy right about now? Trubisky out to start the second half for the Bears. Yes, that's noteworthy. They roll him out and he hits Taylor Gabriel for 53 yards! Then he keeps it and gets to the 1, loses the ball, but is ruled down. It's like they just realized what he's good at and let him do it. Cohen gets nothing on second down. Touchdown Montgomery. What the hell, Alshon?




There was no flag or call shown for an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty against the Eagles after Cohen's punt return, which doesn't make much sense. Douglas makes a good play to break up a third down pass, even though it was probably too high for Robinson anyway. Trubisky finds a wide-open Robertson in the middle of the field. Cohen turns the corner and the ref signals touchdown. Replay seems to show he's short. He is. Montgomery leaps too early, like Cohen did earlier. The second time is the charm as Montgomery scores. I would not have returned that kickoff. Third-down pass bounces off Jeffery's chest. Montgomery with a nice run. Maddox with a good pass breakup on third down ad the Eagles get a needed stop. Potatoes-Bills is somehow over already. Jeffery with a big catch in front of Eddie Jackson for an important first down. He's had a very strange (bad) game. After a false start, Sanders picks up 16 on a screen on 3rd and 13. Ertz converts another third down. That tackle on Howard is the first time I've heard Khalil Mack's name mentioned today. Goedert! That's four converted third downs on this drive. This is what they couldn't do in the Carolina loss last year. Bears now out of time outs. Elliott with an important 38-yarder. It's GOOD. 22-14 with 25 seconds left. They pull a pop-up kickoff and the Bears can't handle it! Eagles ball and it's over. crosses off Bears (Eagles 22, Bears 14)




(Dolphins 26, Jets 18)

Devante Adams BACK. But not yet, as the Chargers have the ball at their own 5 after a penalty and a new offensive coordinator. Rivers cooking early, as passes to Williams, Henry and Allen have the Chargers at the Packers' 35 in a hurry. Preston Smith with a sack to slow the Chargers down. They got their kicker Badgley back and he makes the field goal. Joey Bosa with a big rush at Rodgers. The second Chargers drive seems to be going the same way the first one did. Both teams' pass rushers are making plays so far. This drive also ends in a field goal. Bosa with pressure on Rodgers and Lazard overruns the deep ball. Nantz notices that that's basically the same play he scored on to help their comeback against the Lions. Melvin Gordon, who's sucked since ending his holdout, puts a nice open-field move to get another first down. Rivers goes to Henry for another first down. Chargers really bleeding the clock here. Field goal is good and it's 9-0 Chargers at halftime. Nantz and Romo are on the sideline now? Tracy just ran into them. What is going on? Every Chargers scoring drive in this game has proceeded the same way and ended the same way — with a field goal. Now it's 12-0 and the boys are headed back upstairs. THAT YARDAGE GRAPHIC. "Green Bay Offense: 52; Romo & Nantz: 60." Rodgers gets sacked for the third time but he's been harassed all day long. Punt is BLOCKED! (Not technically because the ball did travel past the line of scrimmage, but it's a block in all but name.) This rookie Quantrill has already made a couple of special teams plays today, but that was a big one. Ekeler gets the ball to start. Touchdown Gordon! Chargers go up 19-0 with four minutes left in the third and I didn't see this one coming.




That's a good kickoff return. The Packers never lost in San Diego, we learn. First Adams sighting today. Crosby field goal is good and the Packers have points. Rivers goes deep down the middle to Mike Williams. End of 3. Field goal is good, but the Chargers take the points off the board after a Packers penalty. Now they're at the 1. Touchdown Gordon! That feels daggerish. This is NOT a Scorigami, unbelievably — we got one of these in 2006. (Chargers 26, Packers 11)

That is... not ideal. Browns getting lit up by a Broncos rookie quarterback who isn't, for some reason, Drew Lock. Chubb gets tackled for a 3-yard loss on 3rd and 1, then Mayfield has to call the Browns' last time out with 3:23 left down five. Gotta kick it, right? They're going for it. Incomplete. Beckham had gotten past Chris Harris but Mayfield went to Landry and the pass was broken up. (Broncos 24, Browns 19)







Ravens get the ball first. Marquise Brown on a jet sweep and he's got a hole to run through. Al notes that new Ravens OC Greg Roman was Kaepernick's OC during his best years in San Francisco.
Run on third down doesn't work. Patriots jump into the neutral zone on the field goal attempt, and the Ravens get fresh downs out of it. That doesn't happen. They fake a handoff and Jackson keeps it, goes left, and walks into the end zone.




Earl Thomas blitzes on third down and flushes Brady out of the pocket. Two straight runs for Jackson. Field goal is good. This Patriots offense, which has been good enough all year, hasn't been that so far. Mark Ingram gets 53 yards to the Pats' 12! Touchdown Gus Edwards! 17-0 Ravens and I definitely didn't see THIS one coming. Another three-and-out for the Patriots, but the Ravens muff the punt and the Pats recover! Brady goes four yards to Sanu for a touchdown! Can't give them an INCH. Late flag after a Brady incompletion... and that's a bad intentional grounding call, as Brady was hit, which altered the throw. Dorsett catches 3rd and 15 at the line, but another Patriots penalty negates it. Burkhead gets 16 on a screen, then fumbles, and the Ravens recover! Call REVERSED. I... think they blew it. Nick Folk is the new Patriots' kicker but they punt. Now Ingram fumbles, but was HE down? Nope, this one's a fumble. Penalties hurting the Patriots here. Thomas with a diving play to keep the ball out of Edelman's hands. Here's Folk for a field goal. Patriots get a stop on defense. Edelman with a leaping catch to get into Ravens territory. James White with an even better leaping catch against Thomas on the sideline. A LOT of misdirection here on third down but White doesn't get in. New York is looking at it. Call STANDS. Field goal unit is out. It's good. 17-13 Ravens at halftime.




Flea flicker doesn't yield the wanted deep throw, but Brady goes to Sanu for 12 instead. Edelman ducks one tackle, then FUMBLES! Marlon Humphrey picks it up! TOUCHDOWN. I've noticed that Patriots first-round pick N'Keal Harry has not played tonight, even though he was activated. Benjamin Watson with a big catch. Touchdown White. Hayden Hurst is NOT Hunter Henry, for those wondering. Neither is Mark Andrews, and he is also not Hayden Hurst. Big play from Hollywood Brown, who gets his "Hollywood" nickname from his Florida hometown.




Jackson fakes Van Noy out of his shoes and goes out of bounds at the Patriots' 6. Who is Nick Boyle? The Patriots are wondering, too, because they didn't bother covering him on that touchdown. (Also, he is neither Hayden Hurst nor Mark Andrews.) Tucker misses the extra point! That's only the second time that's ever happened to him. Josh Bynes drops an interception. Earl Thomas does not. I don't know what that throw was. Jackson sidearms one to Ingram on the sideline, and he walks the tightrope for 18 yards. Wait, Jackson carried that? I thought #43 had it. First and goal from the 1. Ingram gets stopped. Jackson sneaks it and scores and that's game, probably. Replay shows Orlando Brown (Jr.) on his back pulling Jackson across the goal line. Some pushing and shoving afterwards. 37-20 Ravens. The Johnny Unitas statue is weird because he doesn't belong to this franchise. Put that statue in a park somewhere. (Ravens 37, Patriots 20)

Yes, this Giants team is surely worthy of three prime-time appearances. (I thought it was two and forgot about this one.) Kickoff bounces out of bounds at the 11, and the Cowboys get the ball there, for some reason. Dak throws it RIGHT to Antoine Bethea, who he clearly never saw and, apparently, is also still in the league. Jones gets hit as he throws on third down and it's off target. Field goal is good. Zeke running will settle things down. Dak fumbles a snap but recovers . Touchdown Cobb but let's check the flag. Offsetting penalties. Tony Pollard drops a screen pass on third down. Maher field goal ties it. Great shot of someplace that isn't East Rutherford. DeMarcus Lawrence wrecks Mike Remmers with a stunt and Jones is lucky he can get back up.




Prescott gets pressure and his pass falls right in between Cooper and Deandre Baker. Weird that neither guy appeared to see it or make a play on it. Maher tries a 54-yarder and it goes left. Jones run! Eli can't do that. Jones to Evan Engram for 12. Tate with a one-handed catch at the 1! Yeah, both feet are inbounds. Jones gets himself caught in between and ends up with zero gain on what turned into a run. Cody Latimer gets wide open in the end zone for a touchdown. Extra point missed. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Cowboys don't need to be doing this. Jones with a block on a Tate double reverse. There's a black cat on the field. Who is this bad luck for? Are all stadium animals assigned to the home team? How does this work?







The holder corrals the snap and Rosas puts it through. 12-3. Prescott rolls out to extend the play, and finds Blake Jarwin, who slices and dices this sorry Giants defense for a 42-yard touchdown. Jones throws a bomb and it's picked off by Xavier Woods! Booth reviews if he stepped out of bounds at some point during this return. Call STANDS. Maher hits from 52 at the end of the half and the Cowboys somehow have the lead. Good kickoff return by Latimer to start the second half.
Jones FUMBLES. Cowboys ball! That's the sixth one he's lost this season and that's still a problem. This game's been bad but not for the reasons we thought it'd be bad. Dak keeps it and gets sacked. Field goal is good. 16-12. The Rutgers band played halftime. This is somehow the best game they've seen all year and it also sucks. Another good return by Latimer, this one 42 yards. Jones rushes for 14 and takes out a sound guy on the sideline. Scuffle breaks out as the Giants accost Woods for a perceived late shove. Woods gets flagged for taunting, of all things. Another field goal makes it 16-15.




The Giants haven't had anything for Elliott. Touchdown Gallup! He scooped that one up, hurdled Janoris Jenkins (who's kinda sucked as a Giant) and fell into the end zone. Hello, Pylon Cam! FINALLY the Giants get a play from Barkley! He takes the wheel route, gets blockers, and goes 65 yards. Pass interference challenges aren't getting reversed, even the ones as obvious as that one that wasn't called. I don't know why coaches bother. They're 5-for-51.




The Giants have been awful in the red zone tonight. Give Barkley the ball and let him work! They settle for another field goal. Another scuffle post-kick. It's illegal to pull an opposing player off of a pile. Then Baker gets flagged for DPI on a far more questionable call. They pick up the face mask flag because there actually wasn't one. They got one right! Cooper sits down in the zone, Dak finds him, and he scores a shockingly easy touchdown. 30-18 and we're done. This is the longest Sean Lee's gone into a season without getting hurt. (Cowboys 37, Giants 18)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. San Francisco (8-0) — Nobody saw this coming
2. New England (8-1) — The lesson, as always...
3. New Orleans (7-1) — Primed to move up
4. Green Bay (7-2) — That was... odd

BOTTOM 4:
29. Atlanta (1-7) — Again, I'm surprised Dan Quinn survived this part
30. Miami (1-7) — This isn't what they wanted!
31. Cincinnati (0-7) — Giving the rookie two weeks' prep is smart
32. Washington (1-8) — Trash fire
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