Thursday, January 3, 2019

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 16: Gifts and Exchanges

Colin Kaepernick's not on this team because Dan Snyder is a Trump toadie. There, I said it. Menefee, Burleson and Mooch on the call again this week. Josh Johnson overthrows Doctson on the first play of the game but hits Crowder for 30 on the second. Now he's misfiring again. Field goal is good. Mariota hasn't been a great passer in the pros but he's found a connection with Corey Davis. Pernell McPhee (!) gets fooled by the hard count, turning 3rd and 11 into 3rd and 6. I think this is his first game this year. With nobody open, Mariota rolls left and runs for a first down. That spin move though. Henry pushes the pile three yards to the 2. He loses his footing but still scores. Extra point is... no good? Peterson says he wants to play four more years? Another Washington offensive lineman down. His replacement false starts on a 4th and 1 attempt. First quarter ends relatively quickly. 2nd and 27 for Washington after a sack, and they're at their own 2. Splendid. Peterson saves them with a 13-yard run, then Johnson finds Doctson for a first down. I don't know if Peterson will play four more years, but he'll definitely have a job next year. This has been a good drive. Touchdown Michael Floyd! That's his first in quite some time. Big run by Dion Lewis in this two-minute drill. Mariota gets sacked and fumbles, and now he's heading to the locker room as the somehow still employed Blaine Gabbert takes over. Field goal is long enough. 10-9 Washington at halftime. Gabbert will at least start the second half for the Titans, who get the ball first. This goes as expected. Hopkins adds three more. Mariota has a shoulder stinger (?), Melissa Stark says. Henry with another big run. He's been great the last month. HALFBACK PASS? Henry overthrows Stocker, who isn't fast enough and slowed down too soon anyway. Fourth quarter starts with the Titans attempting a field goal. It's good. 13-12. Johnson does his best Mariota impression and rolls left to pick up a 3rd and 1 and get into Titans territory. Johnson barely avoids a sack on 2dnd down but not on 3rd, and it's long-ish field goal time again. Good. 16-12 with 8:09 left. Gabbert misses another of the Titans' random white tight ends. What's with that, anyway? Lot of teams seem to have three versions of the same dude playing the position. They miss Delanie Walker. Titans go back to Henry because it works. Henry to the 2. Play fake leads to a touchdown. Titans lead. They go for one and the kick is good, which is fine, I suppose. I don't know. Jurrell Casey down and grabbing his knee. That's potentially bad. Byard intercepts Johnson! Malcolm Butler jumped in front of his face and that must have thrown him off.
That's a bad-ass punt. Man in his face and he gets one off for about 55 yards. That's PRO BOWL PUNTER BRETT KERN, YOU PLEBIANS. Time for two Hail Marys. As in, one followed by another one. The first one fails. The second one is returned for a touchdown by Butler because nobody bothered trying to stop him.




Nah. Still covered. (Titans 25, Redskins 16)

INTERCEPTION on the first play from scrimmage! That's Flacco's move, Rivers. Then Gus Edwards runs for 43 yards on the Ravens' first play from scrimmage. Rollicking start, Chargers. ROLLICKING. START. Holding them to three is an actual victory here.

Tucker MISSES. Wide left and it was bad from the moment he kicked it. Still 3-0. Chargers have both Melvin Gordon and Keenan Allen back, but it looks like this Allen catch will come back because of offensive pass interference. Poor Chargers tackling gives Kenneth Dixon a first down. Don't think Lamar can throw? First of all, you never actually watched him at Louisville, and second, peep that throw to Mark Andrews on 3rd and 9. Tirico just said that people were questioning if Jackson could make those throws. Ravens go for it on 4th and goal from the 2 and Crabtree gets flagged for OPI after an incomplete pass. This should be 17-0 and it's not, and that's great for the Chargers. Gordon gets them some room. Drive stalls and the Ravens will take over in Chargers territory after a good punt return. Wait, this Edwards is a Rutgers man? This run is short. Jackson keeper is successful, after a fashion. Ravens run it on 3rd and 12 and Dixon picks it up. Tucker field goal makes what should be a 20-0 Ravens lead 6-0. Allen gets a generous spot. Oh, good, they're reviewing it. The call is overturned and some clock arithmetic causes the Chargers to lose a time out but gain 13 seconds. Back-to-back penalties on the same dude? The Baltimore Ravens, ladies and gentlemen! Chargers get a field goal (!!!) and it's 6-3. Crabtree gets a sideline catch knocked out of his hands. Chargers icing Tucker on a 65-yard attempt. Nice work. NOPE. Terrible first half. This game should be at least 24-0 Baltimore. And the Ravens start the SECOND half with a fumble! Dear God. Gordon with a powerful run to the 2. Touchdown Chargers.




Wait, Mark Andrews can run? That's another good throw by Jackson, too.




The Ravens are another one of those teams that seems to have three identical tight ends. I mention this now because Nick Boyle just caught a 14-yard pass. Tucker from 56. GOOD. Rivers gets sacked. Both teams have had their fair share of drops tonight. Chargers get two straight completions to guys named Williams. Allen wants a flag for pass interference, but that was a bump that could easily have gone uncalled (and if anything, he initiated it) Rivers hits Justin Jackson to convert a third down. Then he takes a sack he couldn't afford to take, and now the Chargers have to punt on 4th and 16. Downed at the 1! Chargers get the three-and-out they needed. Good return gets them field position at the Ravens' 39. Fumble? TOUCHDOWN?




I need to know if Gates was down here. That is CLOSE. They haven't made a call yet? Seriously, guys? At least they're talking about it. It's called touchdown Ravens. That's gonna stand. At some point in all this the Ravens went for two but didn't get it. Marlon Humphrey outfights Travis Benjamin in the end zone to get the game-ending pick. The Ravens' defense is back. (Ravens 22, Chargers 10)

Signal Finder: HOU @ PHI, CHI @ SF, PIT @ NO

No Lamar Miller for the Texans. I'm surprised the Eagles have enough DBs left to run a dime package. Bradham holds on to Blue, keeping him from a first down. Ertz makes a sliding catch and barely gets the first down. Smallwood gets rekt. As Eagle said, Ertz may break the tight end reception record on this drive. That's four catches already. Foles gets it through a tight window to Jeffery, but he can't bring it in. Tate gets stopped short and the Eagles face 4th and 2 at the Texans' 36. Foles completes it to Sproles, who makes moves on moves and scores! Watson to Hopkins (who didn't participate in pregame warmups) for nine. Eagles lose containment and Watson picks up a 3rd and 11. That false start won't help the Texans' cause. They settle for three and get it.




And it gets worse as Foles fumbles and Clowney recovers at the Eagles' 5! Watson fools two-thirds of the Eagles' defense and scores on a keeper. Extra point is no good. Foles drops one into Sproles's hands for 21 yards. Short-yardage runs have not worked today for the Eagles. They go for it on 4th and 3,for some reason. Goedert catches it, but he slips before he can get to the end zone (and he would have.) He does get the first down, though. Foles if forced to throw it away on third down, but they flag Watt for hitting Foles in the head. Touchdown Adams. Except Vaitai was flagged for holding. This sequence has already taken two game minutes longer than it should have. Did Ertz even catch that? He had to dive out of the end zone to get to it and he didn't make it back in. Eagles go for it again. How about a sneak? Well, not out of the shotgun. Touchdown Ertz! Eagles go for two for... some reason (a bad one, I'm sure), but Clowney sacks Foles with extreme disrespect. That may have been a face mask. That definitely was a face mask.




Stupid helmet hit by Tre Sullivan gives the Texans a first down in Eagles territory. Then Brandon Graham gets hit with a roughing the passer penalty. Texans ball at the Eagles' 17. Watson hits Hopkins on the sideline for a first down, then he runs for another touchdown unimpeded. Eagles need to go downfield at some point. Good sideline catch by Agholor is nullified by offensive holding. I should mention now that Vaitai's in because Peters is hurt again, and in a baseball cap on the sideline. Eagles out of time outs and spike it with 10 seconds left. Ertz gets stopped short of the first down marker and time runs out. Ertz gets the record. That's a bad pick by Foles. Texans pass on a 59-yard field goal to punt. Jeffery, who was apparently dehydrated in the first half, gets a 52-yard catch and run. Richard Rodgers lives? Another holding penalty on the Eagles. Elliott field goal ties it. The Eagles have not contained Watson at all today, so they're thrilled that the Texans punted on 4th and 1 from midfield. TOUCHDOWN AGHOLOR! Got past the Honey Badger and goes 87 yards. Eagles still getting no pass rush. Demaryius Thomas is hurt. He's being carted off. The Texans have lost wide receivers the way the Eagles have lost cornerbacks. Eagles finally get to Watson... fumble! Cox recovers! Footage of the Nick Foles shrine in Chris Long's roster. Eagle references Major League. Adams runs 10 yards to get four and a first down. Foles tosses a floater to Ertz. Ertz making moves! Touchdown! Extra point is MISSED. 29-16 Eagles with 10:21 left. Foles has been much better since the interception. Great throw by Watson on the move, and he finds DeAndre Carter for 24. Thomas has a torn Achilles. Jesus. Trayvon Hester with a sack! Texans go for it but are denied. Eagles take over. Adams fumbles and the Texans have it. NOTHING IS OVER. Personal foul on the Eagles for a hit to the helmet. Steratore thinks it's a tough call and he may not have made it. Hopkins with back-to-back tough catches. Defensive breakdown leaves Deandre Foreman, making his season debut, all alone in the end zone for a touchdown. NOTHING IS OVER. That's a good kickoff return. That three-and-out took no time off the clock. Eagles screw up the punt coverage and that's a touchback. Illegal contact on Rasul Douglas. Long sacks Watson. Watson gets away from three guys and throws a 22-yard completion. Foreman drops the ball but the Texans recover. WHO? That's very close. Touchdown Vincent Smith. I thought that ball had too much on it. Review confirms the touchdown. Extra point is good, the Texans now lead 30-29, and Pederson's decision to go for two on that play where Foles should have gotten a face mask call now looks truly idiotic. Bad decision to run that kickoff out. Jeffery back in and makes a big catch. Now FOLES is down. Roughing the passer is called, adding 15 yards to the 19-yard completion. Nate Sudfeld is in, at least for this play. Foles comes back and throws incomplete. Ertz shouldn't be that wide open. Ball at the Texans' 35 with 1:23 left. Plenty of time. Sproles runs to the 19.




Three seconds left. Elliott from 35. So much stalling here. IT'S GOOD! Though I'm not sure they deserved it. The Texans have still never beaten the Eagles.




What. (Eagles 32, Texans 30)

LOL I saw the SCORE ALERT flash on CBS before they brought this score up and I thought "Did the Packers tie AGAIN?" (Packers 44, Jets 38, OT)

Trubisky with a bomb to Robinson. Parkey MISSES the field goal attempt.




The Bears will not win this challenge on the Pettis catch. Ex-bear Robbie Gould comes in and drills a field goal. He's missed three in the almost three years since he's been gone.




Matt Nagy seems to have inherited his old boss's penchant for outsmarting himself at times. Good play by Amos in the end zone to break up what would have been a touchdown. Bears take over and are at midfield in two plays. One, really, as the first one was a sack. That penalty cancels out an interception by Trubisky. Given a second chance, he finds Anthony Miller in the back of the end zone. Extra point is good and the Bears lead. Bears want OPI on Marquise Goodwin but they won't get it. This is not a first down. 49ers are scrambling but it's 4th down, so they can't spike it. Finally, the officials stop the clock to review the previous play, which, again, is not a first down. They gave them the first down? Wow. I don't know about that. 49ers had their field goal team on the field, just in case, which was smart. Kick is good. Halftime. Did the 49ers just rip the ball out of Robinson's hands? Yes, but the replay shows his knee was down. Niners only have six takeaways all season, A few teams have not had a lot this year (hello, Eagles) but that's frighteningly low. Touchdown Jordan Howard. Mullens hits George Kittle on the run. Bourne? OK. This guy goes up to make a play. Intercepted by Trevathan! Bad decision by Mullens. Trubisky gets hit as he slides and we got a scuffle in front of the Bears bench. Whoa, this is a FIGHT. This is gonna take a few minutes. This is... actually taking a few minutes. Apparently these refs don't have communication with the New York office right now, Brennaman says. Back from commercial, we sort this out. We lead with offensive holding, which, WTF. Three dudes ejected — two Bears receivers, Anthony Miller and Josh Bellamy, and Richard Sherman. That ruling came from New York, and Pereira says it's the first time it's happened. The next play is a pass short of the first down. Bears challenge the spot. Call stands. Even before the challenge, Brennaman seemed surprised that the Bears were thinking about going for it. They do anyway and the Trubisky sneak gets it done. Dear God, Spielman. Who dressed you? Bears chewing clock but not getting yards. Robinson gets the ball punched out of his hands! 49ers recover! Mullens to Bourne for a big play down the left side. I thought they got someone for roughing Mullens. Mullens misses Kittle on third down. He throws deep on 4th down... incomplete.





Well, 4-11 now. (Bears 14, 49ers 9)




Can the Steelers get a second improbable victory in as many weeks? Let's find out! Sean Payton's fascination with Taysom Hill just cost him, as he throws an interception into the end zone. That is not a horse collar tackle. Saints stop Brown on a 3rd and 1 screen. Boswell on for the field goal try. We ARE indoors. It's good. Thomas turns a quick slant into a big gain. Ingram doesn't come close on this third down run. Payton, who is still wearing the military-style jacket, goes for it here on 4th and 1. Brees throws a bomb into the end zone that no one had any chance of catching and somehow gets DPI. Dear fucking God, that's a worse call than anything that happened in Texans-Eagles. Touchdown Ingram. The Steelers have eaten well with these swing passes to the running backs, Conner and, today, Samuels. Ben hits McDonald deep down the sideline. Field goal is... good. Thomas gets the ball knocked out of his hands and everything stops for a second as the Steelers pick it up. It's ruled incomplete. Tomlin really hasn't won a challenge since 2016? That's Mike McCarthy-esque. That's... closer to pass interference than that other thing earlier. Kamara breaks three tackles and reaches the end zone. This dude on the Saints who downed that punt ran so far off the sideline he was in front of his own bench for a moment. That's against the rules. So Morstead kicks it again and pins the Steelers at the 3! That was even better! 3rd and 2 at your own 11? Antonio Brown is your dude. Ben finds Brown again. Sack! Two minute warning. Brown picks up 3rd and 11! Pass tipped away from Juju in the end zone but after defensive interference. First and goal Steelers at the Saints' 2. How is that not roughing the passer on Cameron Jordan? Saints forget to cover Samuels out of the backfield. Touchdown Steelers. Two-point try is successful and we're tied. Where does Kamara step out here? Refs decide it's at the 31, not the 25. Lutz makes the field goal anyway. 17-14 Saints at halftime. Ingram gets to the corner but not to the pylon. Play action would be hot as hell here. Or send Kamara over a huge hole. No diff. P.J. Williams trips Brown, saving a touchdown. That is a touchdown. There's a dude in the crowd dressed up as a WHISTLE? Might want to put a man on Juju, Saints. Great one-handed catch by Brown... but he's out of bounds! SO close. Half step shorter and that's a touchdown. Then after a time out, he runs straight up the seam and that's a touchdown. Steelers lead! Ridley fumbles? It's called a fumble. We'll find out. Call stands! Saints ball!




That was Kirkwood again. Flag on Peat takes them out of the red zone. Field goal is BLOCKED! The Steelers have been trying to do that for four weeks. Romo: "I don't think they were offsides, either!"
A FAKE PUNT? THERE? WITH THE LEAD??? WHAT THE HELL, TOMLIN. With Brown and Juju? Just go for it, man!





SPEED 2 back? Fourth down pass to Thomas is incomplete but Haden actually interfered this time. Oh, that's a touchdown for Thomas. Is New York down right now or something? The Bears-49ers fight took eight minutes to sort out and now this. Touchdown Saints! Brown's made four ridiculous catches in this game alone. Juju FUMBLES! OH NO. Yeah, his body was never on the ground. How is a nose tackle making that play? Saints ball and that's that.







Having to beat the Patriots and then go to the Superdome may have been a bridge too far. And now the Steelers need to beat the Bengals next week and get help. Tying the Browns in Week 1 may actually do them in. That's a hell of a thing to think about. (Saints 31, Steelers 28)

First Chiefs play is a pitch to Hill. Three and out? Whoa. Al recounting how Chris Carson actually won the running back job last year but got hurt. Seahawks running over the Chiefs right now. Mike Davis comes in and gets two big runs. Carson pushes through two Chiefs tacklers for the touchdown!




Winner's in, loser's out. Simple is best. Mahomes overthrows Kelce. Field goal is good. Eagles-Redskins and Vikings-Bears both flexed to 4:25. DPI on the Chiefs means this drive continues.
Janikowski CLANGS off the upright! No good.




Mahomes sacked. Mahomes rolls out and finds Damian Williams for an easy touchdown. Wilson dives instead of sliding and comes up short of the first down. Mahomes finds Hill in space. Williams fumbles and the Seahawks take over. Dion Jordan forced that fumble. Weird and good to see him actually contributing. Chiefs get flagged for interference but Reid challenges, saying the ball was tipped. This'll be difficult. That ball's tipped, it's not pass interference, but somehow Reid loses the challenge. Who knows how the fuck that works. Anyway it's Seahawks ball at the 1. Touchdown Vannett! Footage of Wilson training boxing with Freddie Roach, of all people. It's good for footwork. Justin Coleman punches the ball out of Conley's hand and the Seahawks get it back. 14-10 at halftime. Seahawks beat the blitz and get a first down. Janikowski makes this field goal. 17-10 Seahawks. DROP KICK KICKOFF. Hill with an11-yard gain. Good extension by Kelce to haul that one in. Wait, what? Touchdown Chiefs because Mahomes threw across his body again. That's not supposed to work.





Good luck running on 2nd and 17, Seahawks. Collinsworth says Reid wants his guys to stay in their lanes on this blitz. They don't, and Wilson gets outside the pocket and finds Dickson for 21 yards on 3rd and 16. Touchdown Baldwin? They'll look at this. Call stands. Al points out that Andy Reid's greatest gift to the Eagles was keeping Nick Foles from retiring. Mahomes drops one into Hill's hands at the Seahawks' 5. Two near misses by Mahomes and the Chiefs settle for three. Wilson breaks a tackle running up the middle against a blitz and gets 27 yards. Carson run makes it first and goal. Dickson dives to catch this flick from Wilson for a touchdown. You wouldn't think these Seahawks would want to get into a shootout but here we are. Mahomes scramble for 23. Excellent foot dragging by Robinson. Touchdown! Mahomes keeps it for the two-point try and succeeds. This Seahawks team throwing that pass to Lockett in that situation is wild. We've had some great catches this week. Touchdown Carson! Think we gotta consider the Seahawks among the year's biggest surprises. (Seahawks 38, Chiefs 31)




Tessitore calls the Oakland Coliseum "well-worn." We did the "Raiders' immediate future in Oakland" on the pregame show. DWAYNE HARRIS, YOU ABSOLUTE MADMAN. That's a 99-yard punt return for a touchdown. They're checking to see if the Broncos player contacted the goal line. He did not. Halfway through the quarter, the Raiders' offense finally takes the field. Drive ends with a sack. Broncos misplay this punt as well, allowing it to go 15 more yards. Their special teams are struggling. Recounting the story of Philip Lindsay,a literal hometown kid. He hasn't moved out yet — undrafted rookie salaries aren't what they used to be. Remember last week when the Broncos punted? They're going for it here. Delay of game means now they have to punt. Some players from Paradise High School in the audience tonight. Great catch by Courtland Sutton for 47 yards. Gruden challenges. Call overturned? Yeah, that wasn't even close. Witten suggests going after that same defender again. They don't — they run it with Booker and get 8 on 3rd and 9, then they run an option pitch to Lindsay that gets knocked out of his hands, but it bounces back into his hands and he gets the first down anyway. That was entirely too complicated. Raiders are running quite a few running back sprint-out passes. Doug Martin (!!) finds space on the right side and runs in untouched. Broncos really out here running a full house backfield. Matt Millen update — Tesstiore's old broadcasting partner got a heart transplant today. Booger wonders if the wet field has slowed the Broncos' pass rushers (the Raiders have no pass rushers to slow.) Jordy Nelson with two catches on this drive. Field goal is good. Broncos still have a little bit of time here. McManus misses and it's 17-0 Raiders at halftime. Booger doesn't see this helping Vance Joseph's job security. After a penalty wipes out a first down, Keenum throws into the back of an offensive lineman six yards downfield. From this seat, Gruden faces two major questions: Can he actually build a roster (he inherited everything in Tampa Bay and couldn't sustain the success), and can he adapt to today's game? Remember, he'd been out of coaching for 10 years. Keenum almost falls down twice but somehow manages a 17-yard run on 3rd and 10. Broncos suddenly look energized on offense. Keenum finds Hamilton for the touchdown. Seriously? ESPN brought back "The Rick"? Carr finds Nelson down the middle for 27. Booger recognizes a run play from when he played for Gruden in Tampa. Understand this: When the Raiders eventually leave Oakland, whether it's this year or next, that's it for the NFL in Oakland. They will not come back. (Then they can gut the Coliseum, do a massive renovation in stages, and keep the Athletics, because they're not getting a new stadium either.) Another big run from Martin. Jalen Richard finishes it off. The Broncos' offensive line has really let Keenum down here — first he gets chased back to the 44 before throwing it away, then he almost crosses the line of scrimmage before hitting Sutton for a touchdown (which is what Gruden has thrown the challenge flag for, for some reason.)




Booger reminds us that the whole body has to be across the line for it to be a penalty. 24-14. Kick it deep, you idiots. Raiders run the ball on 3rd and 7. It doesn't work. Keenum throws an interception. Field goal is good. This last Broncos drive was an absolute trash fire. crosses off Vance Joseph Louis Riddick's on SportsCenter now saying the Raiders' two biggest needs are a No. 1 receiver and a pass rusher. :thinking emoji: (Raiders 27, Broncos 14)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. New Orleans (13-2) — Can't remember the last knock-down drag-out they won like that one
2. L.A. Rams (12-3) — Has the puzzle been solved?
3. L.A. Chargers (11-4) — We should have known
4. Chicago (11-4) — Tough one to take

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Jets (4-11) — Somehow this feels like overachieving
30. Oakland (4-11) — End this suffering
31. San Francisco (4-11) — How much better does Garoppolo really make this team?
32. Arizona (3-12) — Are they really gonna fire their coach after one season?


No comments: