Saturday, January 12, 2019

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Stopped Motion

Promo for a game that starts in two minutes. Smooth.




Colts get the ball first. Has Frank Reich been growing a playoff beard all season? That is IMPRESSIVE. Stat of how Hilton puts up big numbers at this stadium is followed by Hilton being covered downfield by a linebacker (??) and catching a 35-yarder.




Luck to Ebron for a touchdown. Talk about a guy who's been hooked up to the Juvenation Machine. Texans go deep to Hopkins but it's incomplete after a lot of mutual contact. Mack finds lots of room on the left side. Pascal with a run off a jet sweep. First and goal Colts, who are doing almost anything they want early on. Mack gets stopped before the corner. Booger points out how the Colts are taking advantage of the Texans' linebackers the way Reich's old team, the Eagles, did in their meeting. Touchdown Mack. 14-0.




Good work by Hopkins to drag his feet inbounds here. Reich challenges because he probably should, but he loses. Interception! ESPN bumping "Return of the Mack"! Intercepted by the Texans! That's a game-saver. Alabama-Clemson III plug leads to the second game being Watson's only 14-point comeback (not that he needed a lot of them). But the Texans can't turn it into anything and punt. Clowney down.



Witten spots Ebron open at the goal line, but Justin Reid breaks it up at the last second and pays a price. (Ebron never got his feet down with the ball.) On the next play, Luck hits Inman for a 15-yard touchdown. Watson with two big runs on this drive, the second one materializing after a huge hole opens up. Keke Coutee gets 13 on 3rd and 14 (and it was almost picked off), and the Texans set up to go for it on 4th and 1 from the Colts' 9. Watson throws to the end zone, but it's incomplete. He had a running lane, too. Witten doesn't like the call because the Colts knew it was a pass with an empty backfield AND they didn't need to score on that play. Hopkins being walked to the locker room. Colts go deep again and get an obvious pass interference call. It did prevent a touchdown, as Booger points out, so there's that. Ebron was out of bounds or that would have been another big play. Chester Rogers can't get to the sideline and the half will end.




Seriously, Ryan Grigson was so bad he once got fleeced by a guy who blew five of six first-rounders over four years. (I'm referring to Ray Farmer and the Browns robbing him of a first-rounder for Trent Richardson... that eventually became Johnny Manziel.) Witten compares Nelson to Zach Martin. Watson hits Coutee for a first down, but the overthrows a very open Ryan Griffin. A valiant third-down scramble by Watson is called back for holding.




Mike Mitchell, who I didn't know was on the Colts, is being helped to the locker room. Mack with a big run. Highlight package of the comeback against the Chiefs, for some reason. Pierre Desir (who just dropped an interception) has done good work today covering Hopkins. Texans go for a 4th and 3 from their own 33 and get it. Third quarter ends. This drive has already taken way too long and the Texans might not even score at the end of it. Coutee gets to the corner. Touchdown! Touchdown? The announcement of the review draws a cascade of boos.






There's a lot of conflicting viewpoints here. I'm not sure. Refs rule it's a touchdown and you can see he still has the ball when it breaks the plane of the end zone.





(Colts 21, Texans 7)




These teams met in Week 3? Man, it's been a long year. Cowboys get the ball first. These aren't even close to the same teams. Field goal is good. Wilson does an unnecessary spin move and is forced into a third-down incompletion. Two Cowboys drop a pass. Two people fall on... someone... and that's...there's nothing good about that. It's Hurns, and we've gone through two commercial breaks as he gets help on the field. I don't think Buck or anyone in production realized how bad it was until that replay.

A hold will nullify this Tavon Austin punt return touchdown. Man, has he been a massive disappointment, especially in an offensive playcalling era where you'd think somebody like him would thrive. Seahawks' offense finally wakes up with big plays to Dickson and Lockett. Wilson misses Dickson on 3rd and 6 after the Cowboys blitz. Field goal is good. Cowboys suddenly facing a 3rd and 20. Maher misses wide right. LOCKETT! Knee is down inbounds. That's good for 25 yards down the sideline. Both these teams seem allergic to the red zone. Janikowski hits from 42 and gives the Seahawks the lead. Elliott takes off down the sideline, and that run gives him more yards than the Seahawks have. Touchdown Gallup. Lockett breaks off a 52-yard kickoff return and the Seahawks have a slim chance. Seabass from 57 is... no good. Did he pull something?





Big run by Rashad Penny for 28 after two nothing drives to start the third quarter. Randy Gregory wrecks Penny for a loss of 7. That's a good punt. That's even better coverage. And that's great defense by the Seahawks to keep them there. Handoff on 3rd and 7? Really, Seahawks? Now they're going for it on 4th and 6? What is happening right now? They say Baldwin caught it! And he DID get both feet down! Wilson with a keeper on 3rd and 5 gets 7. He rolls right and scores. They run Davis for the two-point try and it works. 14-10 Seahawks. Cooper! That is not good defense down the seam. First and goal and Elliott stumbles. Second try results in a touchdown. Do the Seahawks know their running game has not worked at all tonight? They punt and Tavon Austin returns it 53 yards. He'd have gone the distance if he hadn't tripped over an invisible gopher. Carroll challenges this Cooper catch. I'm not sure he'll win this one. He doesn't. 27-yard gain. Dak throws into coverage and it's intercepted by K.J. Wright in the end zone. Aikman really wants to justify defensive pass interference here. Frankly, he's got a point.




Two bad penalties by the Seahawks kill this drive. That's the second DPI on a third down on this drive. Dak gets helicopetered at the 1. Sneak equal touchdown. That's probably it. Wilson hits Lockett on a bomb to the Cowboys' 10 but I fear it's too late. Should've been doing that for the last three quarters, Seahawks. Touchdown? Touchdown. Seahawks go for two and get it. Onside kick time. Is Michael Dickson up to this? They don't onside kick it, instead they pop it up and Beasley plays center field to catch it.




I don't understand anything the Seahawks have done tonight.




Man, was this game stupid. (Cowboys 24, Seahawks 22)




Chargers win the toss and defer.




Jackson hits Willie Snead on a third-down play. Pressure doesn't give Jackson time to find an open Crabtree. Jackson gets VERY lucky to recover this fumble and end up throwing an incompletion. Some miscommunication on the Chargers' first play, and Rivers takes time to line everyone up for the second. Three and out. Fumbled snap! That looked like it came out a little fast, as Romo says on the replay. Ravens recover. ANOTHER fumble, and this one the Chargers get! Gordon carries to the Ravens' 1. Ekeler in on third down and he gets stonewalled. Field goal is good. Jackson turns 22 tomorrow and is the youngest quarterback to start a playoff game. Renderings of the new L.A. stadium.




This one's from 53 in some wacky winds. It's good and it's 6-0 Chargers. Ravens can't get anything started. Key catch from Allen on 3rd and 6. Donnie Jones joined the Chargers? Huh. High pass from Jackson gets tipped and intercepted. Rivers to Gates on 3rd and 4 for a first down. Another field goal and it's 9-0.




Chargers back on the field and working a two-minute drill. Ekeler picks up 8 on a catch as Melvin Gordon's been out since the first goal-line sequence. They get a first down with eight seconds left and one time out, time to take ONE shot at the end zone. They don't, instead handing it to Ekeler, who gets to the 16. Rivers going in early. Romo: "Yeah, he's cold." He then stops at the tunnel entrance as Badgley makes the kick. 12-0 Chargers at halftime.






BLOCKED FIELD GOAL. Fumble! Ravens ball! Not sure how I feel about the Ravens kicking it here. Tucker's automatic, but do you try to get in position for a touchdown in what's primed to be a low-scoring game? Dunno. Anyway, the kick's good. Gordon back in. Punt is BLOCKED! It's not technically a block because it still went forward, but the impact is obvious. Big Jackson run is nullified by holding. Maxx Williams almost drops a screen pass but stays on his feet and gets eight yards back. As poorly as Jackson's played, the Chargers have owned the Ravens' offensive line all day today. Tucker from 50 is... WIDE RIGHT. Good Lord.




Rivers to Gates on third down. He's... not as fast as he used to be. That's the first first down of this quarter. By either team. Rivers hits Williams deep for the first big offensive play today. Chargers are challenging this Derek Watt catch and roll, saying it's actually a touchdown. Steratore agrees; Romo isn't sure. Call STANDS; no score. Gordon slips and fumbles! Humphrey picks it up and goes the distance! But there's a bunch of activity back at the business end. It's called touchdown CHARGERS. I think he's down by contact, and it's not a touchdown. Call overturned. I have no idea what to make of this game now. Fourth and goal and the Chargers keep their offense out. Touchdown Gordon and this game is over.




They go for two for... some reason (it doesn't really matter; this Ravens offense has nothing for them) and Mike Williams is left wide open after a defender rotated onto him late before the snap. 20-3. Jackson back out at quarterback, again, not that it matters. Rivers takes off running? Dear God. Field goal is good. Ravens finally put together something resembling a drive. Jackson finds Snead on 4th and 11. Touchdown Crabtree! Casey Hayward just let him go for... some reason. Onside kick is unsuccessful. Jackson throws up a desperation pass... and Dixon catches it after it's too high for Derwin James! Ravens ball at the 11. Touchdown Crabtree! What do you mean, no? Ravens correctly challenge and they should win this. Call overturned. Touchdown. Are the Chargers Chargering again? Ravens... kick it deep? Interesting. Chargers get flagged for holding on a Gordon run that would have effectively ended the game. Oh, man, Rivers' reaction. Ravens get another chance, shockingly. ANOTHER FUMBLE. Chargers recover.




(Chargers 23, Ravens 17)

Me, last week: "I know there's no way the Cowboys get any other slot but the late one next Sunday..." Clearly, I deserve to be taken seriously. At the same time, I'm surprised that NBC didn't make a play for that game as a Golden Globes lead-in, since that's clearly the strategy here. No Trey Burton for the Bears, but Eddie Jackson will play. He will not start, however, as the Eagles get the ball first and Deon Bush is out there. Smallwood catches a screen and goes to midfield. Jeffery gets booed. Foles zone read fools no one, specifically Khalil Mack. Low snap and Foles gets sacked. Field goal is good. Trubisky hits Robinson to convert 3rd and 5. Some funny business on this punt. Eagles were offside, so the Bears rekick and pin them at the 1. Back-to-back three-and-outs, and this Bears punt puts the Eagles at their own 8. Oh, right, the Indy 500's moving to NBC. Sproles takes a hit but is given the first down. Jeffery makes another catch and gets booed. Roquan Smith picks off Foles, stealing the ball from Smallwood. he runs it back but he'll be ruled down. Bradham's playing his best ball of the season maybe. Personal foul extends this Bears drive. Trubisky hits Cohen on the move for 20 yards. He jogs off after a third-down run that comes up short. Ex-Eagle Cody Parkey ties the game at 3. Foles throws a lob that Tate catches in traffic. Under pressure, Foles throws an interception in the end zone. And Maddox picks it right back! Actually, this will be an incompletion because his knee came down out of bounds.




Still a good play by a guy who's done well these past few weeks. Jernigan jumps offside. Trubisky hits Miller down the seam. Penalty on Bradham gives the Bears another first down. Good job by LeBlanc to stick with that play and pull the ball out of Miller's grasp. What could they be reviewing here? If it's a catch? Nobody got on the ball because everyone thought it was incomplete. This is nuts. Al: "Most unusual review we've seen today since the Charger-Baltimore game." The Eagles think this is going to be changed to a catch. Call... STANDS? How? McAulay is adamant that it's a catch. Al is told that because nobody picked it up, they can't call it a catch and fumble.



That somehow screwed BOTH teams. WHAT! I have no idea how Sullivan didn't intercept that. I also thought that Miller caught the deflection for a touchdown, but I guess it hit the ground first? This all ends with a Parkey field goal and a 6-3 Bears halftime lead.








Bears run a slick double reverse to Taylor Gabriel. Jordan Howard finds a small hole and trips before he can break a bigger gain. Jernigan with the sack. Flag comes in late on a downfield pass to Ertz. That's helmet-to-helmet. Bears get caught with 12 men on the field. Then Jordan Matthews (!) draws a pass interference call. First and goal. Touchdown Goedert! Mack's been shut down in this game. One thing that needs to be pointed out is how much better Trubisky's offensive line has protected him than Jackson's did. Trubisky actually has pockets to throw in. That's how he completed that 45-yarder to Allen Robinson. Field goal is good and it's 10-9 Eagles as we start the fourth. Trubisky finds Taylor Gabriel for 19 yards. Another big play to Bellamy for 34.




What's left of the Eagles' cornerbacks have been victimized by double moves all year. Touchdown Robinson and the Bears take the lead. Short punt from the Bears gives the Eagles the ball at their own 40. We're due for an Agholor catch, finally. There it is! Jeffery catches this one and takes it to the 2. Two runs go nowhere. Third down pass is incomplete to Jeffery. Eagles call time out to make sure they get this right. Touchdown Tate! Two-point play ends up being a Sproles dive that doesn't make it. I... no. I can't overturn it.





Cohen returns the kickoff to the Bears' 42. Trubisky hits Robinson just out of Maddox's reach. They're in range.




Pass to Robinson gets eight, but he can't get out of bounds and the Bears have to spike it. Parkey in. Announcers go over his season again but haven't mentioned he's also a former Eagle. Pederson ices him. This never works. CLANG! CLANG! NO GOOD! Cris: "How many times can they hit the upright?" Al: "Five."






Good fucking God. I mean YAY but that poor kid. "Double doink" is joining the Pantheon. And the Eagles are heading back to where we all thought it ended. (Eagles 16, Bears 15)

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