Sunday, January 6, 2019

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 17: Get Your Own

I think the NFL, especially CBS, missed an opportunity here with the scheduling. With so much up in the air in the AFC, why not spread it out so more markets gets more relevant games? I think I would have left the two North games at 1 and moved Jaguars-Texans to the late window. But that's me.

Signal Finder: NYJ @ NE, DAL @ NYG, CIN @ PIT, PHI @ WSH, CHI @ MIN (end), AZ @ SEA (end), CLE @ BAL (end)

The Jets have benched DB Trumaine Johnson for... some reason. Eagle and Fouts don't know and neither does anyone else, apparently. Even though the expectation is that Todd Bowles is getting fired after today's game, he's still making disciplinary decisions. Brady with an outside shot at reaching the 6,000 completions mark for his career today (joining Favre, Brees and Peyton Manning) The Patriots don't have a first-round bye locked up yet. Touchdown White, his seventh receiving touchdown of the year. Darnold keeps it and goes for 28 yards for... some reason. Wait, did Robby Anderson catch that at the end? No, that hit the ground. He caught it off the bounce. Never mind. Jets settle for three. Buster Skrine hurt for the Jets, who are already shorthanded at corner. First penalty of the game comes in the second quarter. Burkhead catches a lob over his shoulder for a touchdown. Jets fumble and the guy trying to tackle Devin McCourty only ends up carrying him about 10 yards. Brady misses Hogan high for a sure touchdown. Stupid roughing penalty on the Jets gives the Pats a free first down. Fouts chastises him, all but saying that Stanford guys are supposed to be smarter than that. Touchdown Philip Dorsett. Jets DRIVING. They're inside the 10. They go for it on 4th and 3 from the 5 because why not. About four people had a chance at that one but none of them got it. Dorsett running what would be Cordarelle Patterson's plays. Jets get a stop. Darnold slips and gets sacked. Halftime! That run took down three Patriots, at least for the moment. Darnold fumbles and Van Noy takes it 45 yards for a touchdown. Pre-mortem on Bowles begins, with Fouts noting that that first 10-6 season was with mostly Rex Ryan's guys, who the team eventually let leave and replaced with literally no one. 31-3 with 9:40 left and it looks like Brady's done for the day. Or not, as he's back in on the next series. He got to 6,000, by the way. (Patriots 38, Jets 3)




(Lions 31, Packers 0)

No Zeke. Why is Eli playing? Especially if he's gonna do stuff like that.




Fourth quarter and Dak and Cooper are both still in. I know there's no way the Cowboys get any other slot but the late one next Sunday, but why take that risk in an utterly meaningless game? Don't you DARE kick a field goal here, Giants. GOOD. Fumble! Giants ball!
Beasley with a diving catch in the back of the end zone. His knee is down.




They're doing it! Dak rolls out. It's GOOD. (Cowboys 36, Giants 35)




(Bills 42, Dolphins 17)




(Falcons 34, Buccaneers 32)

James Conner is back for the Steelers, but Antonio Brown is out. Fourth and 1 from the Bengals' 45. Steelers line up to go for it, and if any team's jumping here, it's the Bengals. But they don't, and the Steelers rather stupidly punt.




Jeff Driskel had to transfer from the University of Florida to get a shot at the NFL. Think about that for a second. Interception! TOUCHDOWN BENGALS. Ben and DHB are both holding their hands up in complete confusion. We still don't know what happened. Apparently Juju was involved? Or supposed to be? Eli Rogers recovers his own fumble. Steelers' line not doing the best job in pass protection on this drive. Driskel fumbles. Who's got it? Bengals recover, then lose 15 yards on an unnecessary roughness penalty after the fact. Field goal is good. Switzer with a nice return. Juju making hay on this drive. Ben finds Samuels, who gets to the Bengals' 8. Penalty turns this into 3rd and 25. Someone named Matt McCrane is the Steelers' new kicker, as Boswell has an injured groin. (He has Bell's locker, Harlan says.) Field goal is good. 10-3 Bengals at halftime. Steelers get to midfield, but that's it. They've played well defensively, but the offense hasn't been able to keep anything going. So many punts. Washington with a huge catch! Screen to Juju, who scores. Extra point is barely good. Bengals challenging this Juju catch. Reversed! Ben hits McDonald for 22. This is the longest seven-minute drive ever. Field goal is good. Don't get sacked, Driskel! Ahhh. Field goal is good and we're tied again. Conner goes up the middle for two on 3rd and 1. Clutch third down catch by Rogers.

McCrane comes on. It's GOOD. Not one person has left Heinz Field. (Except maybe Bengals fans.)




Lamar strikes back almost immediately with a 25-yard touchdown run. Jackson with another designed run for a touchdown and it's 17-3. And a leap by Jackson for another score. Or... Hang on. Did the Browns just get jobbed out of a touchdown there? It's a fumble, and they recovered it, but... wow. That's rough. It's definitely a fumble -- that ball never breaks the plane. Jeez. "Mark that" as Joe Buck says. Callaway! Higgins! But Joseph misses wide left to end the half. Landry! First play! Browns are back in it. 20-14. 




Indeed. Perriman with a verrry tough catch on the sideline. Oh, I don't know about this one. Ummm... that's really close. And if Romo's right and it's his right foot kicking up dirt, that's not enough to overturn it. Call STANDS. The next play, Landry dives but can't hold on. Or can he? Nantz thinks he's got a case. They'll look at this one, too. Call REVERSED. I'm not entirely sure that's the best thing for the Browns here. Now Harbaugh's arguing about the clock as the announcers bring up last year, when the Ravens were in almost this exact same situation and lost to the Bengals, putting the Bills in the playoffs over them. Fourth down and the Ravens bring the house. Intercepted by Mosley! Ravens win!




(Steelers 16, Bengals 13; Ravens 26, Browns 24)




Washington wins the toss and... takes the ball? Huh. The FIRST PLAY. WELL DONE. Good job by Douglas to stay with that and get the interception. Goedert picks up a good gain. Like six people moved there but the Eagles were first, so they get the flag. Foles throws a floater that gets picked off, costing them at least three points. Michael Floyd can't get both feet down in bounds there. Tate's gotta secure that. Wentz shares a birthday with LeBron, Tiger, and Sandy Koufax. Darren Sproles finally coming back has helped this team more than I think anyone could have realized. Smallwood with a nice run. Good job by Jeffery to stretch out and catch that. Eagles get to the line and run Sproles before a challenge flag can come out. Foles has been high on quite a few throws early on. Good decision to kick this — you need every point you can get. Washington got away with a false start. Johnson finds Doctson for 20. Pressure helps Douglas get a sack, ending this drive. Smallwood's run well these last two weeks. Agholor's block on a defensive end (?!) helps Sproles convert 3rd and 2. Jeffery gets across midfield. Ertz does not have a catch yet, or even a target. (The interception MAY have been intended for him. We're not sure.) Foles takes a sack. Two straight passes to Smallwood gets another first down. Sproles getting a lot of carries so far. Ertz's first catch is short. They could probably sneak this. They do and it works. Smallwood gets to the 2. Time out, which means this next play will be a pass. It is, and it's complete to Jeffery for a touchdown. Norman covered that well but Jeffery wasn't letting go. 10-0 with 30 seconds left in the half.




This an incomplete pass? Refs say it is. No reaction from the majority-Eagles crowd.




Foles has 17 straight completions? The hell? Now we're at 19, and that's a team record. Eagles line up to go for it on 4th and 1 from the Washington 39, but take too long. Now they'll punt. Ertz almost picks that one out of Hamilton's hands. I thought he'd actually picked it off for a millisecond. Foles it up to 21 in a row. First-down completion to Adams makes it 23. The single-game record is 25, which Rivers tied earlier this year and shares with Tannehill, of all people.  And that completion to Tate will tie it. It ends at 25 with a ball thrown behind Agholor. They go to Agholor again and it's... called incomplete. Eagles challenge. Call reversed! Touchdown Eagles! Fake punt pass is the biggest play of the game for Washington. Nice recovery by Corey Graham to break that up — Crowder had a real shot at it. Jenkins breaks up another pass. Foles now heading to the locker room after taking a hit. Moose wonders if it's left over from the shot he took from Clowney last week. Bennett sacks Johnson on 3rd and 2. 4th and 12? OK. Another sack and an immaterial fumble. Eagles take over and Nate Sudfeld is in. Adams gets outside for 13 yards. Sudfeld hits Agholor down the left side... and he's gonna score! Touchdown! Pad those stats, Fletch.

Meanwhile, the Vikings never had the ball in the first half. (I'm exaggerating. Slightly.) They're out of ideas on offense.




Touchdown Cohen. Bears go for two for... some reason.




Bears have their backups in on defense. They still get pressure.




This is what happens when you give $84 million guaranteed to a guy with an abysmal record (5-25!!!) against good (over .500) teams. The Vikings could have brought back all three guys they had last year for less money. Or even just one of them and signed some better offensive linemen. crosses off Vikings (Eagles 24, Redskins 0; Bears 24, Vikings 10)

When the lead highlight is for a first and 30 play, it's disastrous for SOMEBODY. (Chargers 23, Broncos 9)

The Arizona Cardinals are now on the clock. (Seahawks 27, Cardinals 24)

When did they film this week's intro? This is the biggest game in Nashville since... the last time SNF was in Nashville? The Titans do a thing where they have someone plant a sword at midfield before every home game. Tonight it's, appropriately, Keith Urban. Titans get the ball first and run a reverse handoff on the kickoff return, heading into Colts territory. No Mariota, so Blaine Gabbert starts for the Titans, and they start with a direct handoff to Henry. Drive goes nowhere. Titans also missing Jurrell Casey, their star defensive tackle who also got hurt last week. T.Y. Hilton's secretly had a really good year, dovetailing with Luck's return. Luck rolls out on third down and finds Dontrelle Inman in the back of the end zone. That was a 92-yard drive. Footage of Carrie's display at the Country Music Hall of Fame. Al and Cris discuss the Colts' longtime inability to protect Luck, which leads into the drafting of Quenton Nelson, who wrecks dudes on the regular. There have been a few truly lopsided time-of-possession games today, and this has the look of another one. Touchdown Eric Ebron.




Yeah, Blaine Gabbert isn't good. Blaine Gabbert was never good.




Luck gets intercepted! Touchdown Titans! Poorly done by Luck — pump fake followed by a jump pass. The Colts' next drive ends with a missed defensive holding call. Ebron got abused and nobody threw a flag. Jackson muffs the punt and it's Colts ball at the Titans' 9! That bounced back towards him and he got caught. Mack touchdown run is called back because of offensive holding. FUMBLE. TITANS ball. Suddenly nobody wants to score any more. Hilton takes a screen and takes off for 35 yards. Viniatieri on for a 53-yarder. Al: "One day he's gonna kick his age." He slices it back in and it's good. Late hit on Dion Lewis will add 15 yards to that catch and run. Titans now in field goal range. Mike Vrabel always looks like he's about to say "What the hell was that?" Field goal is good. 17-10 Colts at halftime. There's a 0.04% chance this game ends in a tie, and if so, the Steelers would undeservedly sneak in. Big pass interference call right there. Touchdown Colts. Both Reich and Vrabel played in four Super Bowls. Al barely touches on the Josh McDaniel story but does note that Vrabel also interviewed for the Colts job. More on that? OK. Remember, the Colts had HIRED ASSISTANTS (and I believe Reich kept all of them). Rain falling now. Oh, hey, Nicole's here, too. (In a related note, I always forget that Keith Urban is Australian until I'm reminded. Usually by Nicole Kidman's presence.) Henry takes off for the big run the Titans needed from him. Touchdown Luke Stocker! Graphic on the Titans' improved running game set to "The Train" and I'm not sure I can continue. Luck changes the play at least twice and still gets sacked. He probably crossed everybody up. Punt pins the Titans at their own 3, but Gabbert to Davis gets them out immediately. Gabbert finds Henry after running around to buy time, and he gets a first down. 3rd and 5 and Gabbert is picked off! Colts ball with just over nine minutes left. Colts touchdown is called back because they lined up wrong. Viniatieri on for 25. Good. This is probably the Titans' last chance. Penalties slowing this game down now. Yeah.




4th and 14 and it's incomplete and that's that. Touchdown Mack. And with that, the AFC has four new playoff teams from last season. crosses off Titans (Colts 33, Titans 17)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. New Orleans (13-3) — Good luck beating them at home
2. L.A. Rams (13-3) — Enjoy the weather
3. L.A. Chargers (12-4) — 12 wins, zero respect
4. Chicago (12-4) — Thanks, guys!

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Jets (4-12) — Somehow this feels like overachieving
30. Oakland (4-12) — This went well
31. San Francisco (4-12) — Things seem a lot less certain now
32. Arizona (3-13) — Yes, they're really gonna fire their coach after one season


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