Friday, November 30, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 12: Cooking With Gas

Wait. Jim Nantz was the grand marshal for the Thanksgiving parade in Detroit? What? IN other news, Trubisky got hurt on Sunday and we all missed it, so Chase Daniel's making career start No. 3 in season No. 9. Bears force an opening three-and-out. Stafford will throw more passes in this four-day span than Daniel's thrown in his pro career (78). Three straight passes? OK then. Theo Riddick comes out of mothballs to pick up a first down. The Lions are actually hot on Thanksgiving lately — they've won four of five. Parade footage! The Bears have attempted a lot of passes so far for having a backup in (except that one, which ended in a sack.) Delay of game? Sure, why not. That late hit on Daniel by Glover Quin is the only thing that's happened in this game. Scoreless after one. Fumble? It's ruled a fumble. Call stands and it's Lions ball. Lions are suddenly short at receiver with Marvin Jones hurt.




T.J. Jones gets 15 on 2nd and 16. I think Blount got this. I'm wrong, and the Lions are going for it. PASS? Deflected and caught! It should have been intercepted, and it would have been deserved.
Touchdown Blount after a second push. Big play to Allen Robinson for 29 yards. Third down pass goes off Cohen's fingertips in the end zone. A taller man makes that catch.




Field goal is good. Game is speeding along — we're already at the two-minute warning. Oh, I was wondering if Steratore had retired from reffing NBA games, too. (He has.) Touchdown Bears. How'd he get so open? There was a flag but they pick it up and the touchdown counts. Bears going for two for some reason. Incomplete. Why have they blown open the playbook for Chase Daniel, of all people?




Lions not making a lot of progress on this two-minute drill. 4th and 1 and nobody realizes the Lions did call a time out with one second left, including the timekeeper. The stage for Mike Posner was already on the playing field and they had to pull it back. Hail Mary ends up as a sack. 9-7 Bears at halftime.




With the recent exception of Aretha Franklin (who didn't even have to go anywhere), Detroit always gets the C-level Thanksgiving halftime show. Spectacularly unfair. The Grey Cup on Sunday will have a bigger and better act. (It's Alessia Cara, so "better" certainly applies.) Why is Daniel running here? Ziggy Ansah trips him up from behind. I see the crew still does the bowling tournament. Daniel gets the edge, gets the first down, and gets wrecked. Offensive holding makes it all for naught. Golladay sneaks through the defense and goes down the sideline, and it's left to a linebacker to run him down.




Riddick stumbles after the catch and steps out of bounds at the 8. Blount powers in for another touchdown. Now the Lions are going for two. No pass interference? 13-9 Lions now. Wide receiver pass back to Daniel? What are the Bears doing? This is your BACKUP. This time Daniel hits Cohen in the end zone. Bears back in front. Golladay maneuvers through traffic for a nice gain. Blount finds some space after a catch. I thought Eddie Jackson tipped that third-down pass but the receiver just slipped and the pass went off his helmet. Field goal is good and we're tied. Lions run a safety blitz and get a sack from it, forcing a punt. Pick six by Eddie Jackson!




Golladay showing up big in this second half. Two minute warning! Interception in the end zone by Fuller! Cohen powers for a first down that will end this game, and I just realized we haven't seen Jordan Howard at all today. crosses off Lions (Bears 23, Lions 16)

It's Backup Quarterback Thursday! The good news for Washington is Trent Williams is back. Also McCoy beat the Cowboys in Dallas on a Monday night some years back, if I recall correctly. Cowboys get the ball first. Zach Brown tackles Elliott from behind, postponing a first down, which Amari Cooper picks up on the next play. Tyron Smith NOT starting, and he was expected to have recovered from a stinger but apparently not. Cooper gets 11 yards. Touchdown Elliott, and he pulls out some cash (?!) and drops it in the giant Salvation Army kettle, a callback to his jumping into it his rookie season. Aikman compares Colt to Jason Garrett. McCoy then throws into traffic and barely avoids an interception. McCoy fumbles on a scramble but Washington gets it back, but they have to punt. Buck: "I just hope that money gets into the right hands." McCoy avoids a sack and gets a favorable spot on this third-down pass. The refs missed a face mask and the Cowboys don't challenge the spot. Interception! Sack. McCoy comes back and finds Reed for a first down. He misses Vernon Davis on 3rd and 9. That's a good punt. Dak manages to just avoid a safety. Aikman recalls when this happened in their first meeting this season and it ended with a recovered fumble for a touchdown. McCoy finds Davis down the sideline for a 53 yard touchdown! Did I forget there was a live-action Lion King coming? Michael Gallup making plays. Dak escapes a sack to find him for another first down. QB keeper nets another first down. That throw fell short because of the pass rush, which also led to the following sack. Field goal is good. McCoy almost throws another pick but Doctson did well to turn into a defender and knock the ball away. Then he gets sacked and the Cowboys will get the ball back with two time outs. And do nothing with it.




If you think of it as Mike Posner opening for Meghan Trainor, it makes sense. Like, if that was an actual show, I'd believe it.


That's a good punt return. The Cowboys give them five more yards immediately with a neutral zone infraction. Then Washington loses 10 on a hold. Williams just went out again. Touchdown! Nice catch. Extra point is... no good? Elliott still getting his against 8-man fronts as Buck and Aikman talk about how Cooper hasn't impacted the Cowboys' offense yet. Third and two and Dak runs a play fake, throws it to Cooper, who runs AWAY from the defense and scores. You could see him accelerate. THIS extra point is good and the Cowboys retake the lead. That must have been quite the hold by Morgan Moses if the Cowboys are this salty about it. They're still fighting. It's offensive holding and it's now fourth down. Dak hits Cooper, who gets free in the secondary AGAIN! Touchdown! 90 yards!




Now Lawrence just picked off McCoy. It's all coming apart. Dak does a good Barry Sanders impression on that touchdown run. 31-13 now. Elliott just dumped him into the Salvation Army kettle. That penalty on the celebration (and the kickoff return) helped set Washington up with good field position. Peterson picks up a critical first down. Bibbs dives for a touchdown. I'm surprised they're not going for two here (they'll have to at some point) and so is Aikman, apparently. Cowboys slowing it down now. Some random dude in a Stetson is out to check on an injured Cowboy with the trainers. Buck wonders if turduckens were a thing before John Madden. I'm kind of wondering, too, now that he mentions it. This Cooper catch is short. Cowboys go for it, give it to Elliott, and he didn't make it. Turnover on downs. 5:27 left. ANOTHER interception! That thing sailed and ended up behind the receiver in traffic. Dak misses Gallup deep (for some reason), stopping the clock. Whatever Washington does first, it needs to do it fast. That completion in the middle of the field won't help. Neither will that sack. I really don't understand this play calling. Nothing to the sideline? Nothing?




At least they saved their time out. Field goal is good after a bad snap. Refs missed a helmet-to-helmet hit before that. Onside kick ends up with the Cowboys. Silver balls to Dak and Cooper. (Cowboys 31, Redskins 23)

And now, backup announcers, as the studio crew (Tirico, Dungy, Harrison) are calling this game. Wait, why does Michele still have to work? RIGGED. Saints get the ball first, which seems like folly on the Falcons' part. Hey, look, it's Michael Thomas. Hey, look, it's Michael Thomas again. Touchdown Tommy Lee Lewis, who makes a leaping backwards catch in the end zone. I'm being told that that touchdown happened so quickly it's being retroactively applied to the Eagles game. Sanu caught that? Wow. Coleman loses five yards trying to bounce it outside. Ryan fumbles! Mad scramble and the Saints recover! That's not what the Falcons needed. Brees goes back to Thomas. INTERCEPTION. That's only the second one Brees has thrown this year. Touchdown? The officials are discussing if Kazee was down by contact. They rule he was, but it's still Falcons ball. Harrison, of all people, thinks that should have been pass interference. (McAuley agrees.) Ryan gets trapped and fumbles again, but he recovers this time. Field goal is good. Brees drops the snap, but still pitches it to Ingram, who gets 15. Not sure how Watson didn't catch that one. He's been around for a long time if Harrison was his teammate once. Dungy spots the illegal formation before it gets flagged. Kamara with a spin move to get three more yards and inside the 10. Another pass gets knocked down.




Field goal is good. Ryan gets sacked, then manages to get one to Ridley in tight coverage, but Ridley can't bring it in. Announcers say injured linebacker Deion Jones may be close to coming back, but if the Falcons lose tonight, it won't matter. Dungy points out that all those injuries are in the middle of the Falcons' respective lineups. And you see that right there on that graphic. How does Austin Carr get that open?




Ryan sacked AGAIN. Falcons going for it on 4th and 7. Dungy approved. Ryan rolls out and makes it! Jones with a big catch... but he fumbles! Saints ball! 17-3 at halftime.

Falcons going for it on 4th and 2 from their own 48. Tirico points out that they're 4-6 and can't afford another loss. Incomplete. Now the Saints are going for it on 4th and 5 from the Falcons' 43. Did they really just try to draw them offsides? They're not playing the Bengals. Falcons running out of time and it's the third quarter. Brees fires one through Brooks Reed's hands and into a streaking Watson's. Diving catch for a touchdown by... Dan Arnold? All right, then. 24-3 Saints.




Ryan overthrows Ridley by about eight yards. Fourth down and the falcons get it. This time Ryan finds Ridley and he takes it to the 2. The Falcons' utter inability to run the ball tonight is costing them right now. Coleman's not even in the game. Smith loses a yard. Fourth and goal now. Ridley in the back of the end zone!
Falcons outsmarting themselves with that direct snap to Sanu in the backfield. They barely got it off. That interception was tipped. Jones was open but the ball never got there. Touchdown Kirkwood!




Prayers to everyone who has Kamara, Thomas and Ingram in fantasy tonight. Ito Smith was actually named after Judge Lance Ito from the O.J. trial. Poor kid. Ryan sacked twice in a row, fumbling the second one. The Falcons get it back, but get flagged for a chop block. Nice work there. Pick up the pace, Falcons. Fourth and 13. Ryan completes it to Ridley... who FUMBLES at the 2! Saints recover! Good Lord. That's it.




Falcons do get the ball back and they're in the red zone again. I wonder how this will end. Hey, a Tevin Coleman sighting. Touchdown. Oooh, Emeril Lagasse-prepared turkey legs. crosses off Falcons They go to Brees, Kamara and Cameron Jordan (who are joined by Ingram and Sheldon Rankins, for some reason). (Saints 31, Falcons 17)

Signal Finder: NYG @ PHI, JAX @ BUF (end), PIT @ DEN

The Eagles have one active cornerback (Rasul Douglas) who was on the roster a month ago. If I'm the Giants, I don't run the ball once. OK, twice. Giants rolling after converting that first third down. Wayne Gallman getting some run for some reason. Barkley scores without resistance. The extra point was good, but there was a penalty on the Eagles, and now the Giants are going for two. Pass is incomplete. Eli didn't see Rhett Ellison in the back of the end zone. Eagles go to Ertz immediately. Josh Adams goes up the middle, finds open space, and scores, but offensive holding brings it back. Explain a screen pass on 3rd and 12. Eagles end up punting. Beckham beats one of the new guys, De'Andre Bausby, and the Giants have first and goal. Defense holds (!) and the field goal is good. Barkley wanted pass interference on Jenkins and he probably should have gotten it. Eagles get a generous spot on that Ertz catch. Eagles are lucky that wasn't intercepted. That's a bad offensive pass interference call on Jeffery. So a first down turns into a coverage sack and the Eagles have to punt again.




Eli finds Russell Shepard to get out of a hole. Beckham reaches behind him to make that catch in mid-jump. Bennett limps off. Is there an argument that he's been the Eagles' best defensive player this season? Ellison, who's playing because Evan Engram got hurt in warmups, was left open again. Big Barkley run gets called back. These the jokers that did LSU-A&M last night? (If they were, they'd at least have fatigue and/or jet lag as an excuse.) Field goal is good. 12-0. Ertz again. Clement gets free and runs for 32 yards... and there aren't any flags! Tate makes a catch in traffic. The Eagles haven't used him properly. Keeper on a read option is stuffed. Elliott comes in and hits a 42-yarder.
Touchdown Barkley. Douglas didn't even try to tackle him (but he hasn't practiced all week, either) These are two not-great defenses. How does Ertz get that open? Goedert picks up a key first down on a tight end screen. Touchdown Ertz and he's now the Eagles' all-time leader in catches by a tight end. Eagles go for two (?) and get it (!) thanks to a good block by Ertz, who isn't known for that. Some fantastic confusion on the ensuing kickoff ends with the flag being picked up after a 45-yard return. Two straight catches from Fowler put the Giants in field goal range. Eli does some Eli shit and Jenkins INTERCEPTS it! Eli didn't see Barkley at all.




Chris Spielman just said Eli doesn't make that many mental errors. He's been doing college games too long. 19-11 Giants at halftime. Eagles get the ball to start the second half. Tate picks up a first down. Pocket collapses around Wentz and Agholor still almost catches it off the deflection. (Key word: almost.) Eagles get a sack, then force a terrible punt that Tate tries to do too much with. Nobody open on that play action pass,forcing Wentz to go to Adams, who drops it. First down Adams. The Giants have covered well today for the most part. Field goal is good. Eagles can't afford to lose any more DBs. Giants seem discombobulated. Spielman: "I'm not taking a time out on 3rd and 18." The Eagles almost got that punt. Eagles recover from 2nd and 18. Another drive killed by a sack. Beckham breaks four tackles on this punt return but somehow only gets 10 yards. Very little Barkley in the second half for reasons unknown. Good gain by Clement on a screen pass, and that probably should have been a face mask called. Two nice runs from Adams. Touchdown! Adams adds a two-point conversion. Defender falls down and Beckham capitalizes, picking up a first down on 3rd and 8. Beckham wants a flag in the end zone but doesn't get it (and probably should have). Field goal is good after a bad snap. We're tied. Jeffery breaks a couple of tackles and gets 21 yards. Adams stopped short on 3rd and 3. Now what? They line up to go for it. Agholor! First down! Two minute warning. Giants use their last time out. Just don't fumble. Elliott comes in for a 42-yard attempt. Snap is high, but the kick is perfect! 16 seconds left and the Giants start at their own 34. Only four second-half touches for Barkley is professional malfeasance, but props to this collection of stiffs on the Eagles' defense for playing big in the second half. Barkley gets out of bounds on 2nd down. Five seconds left. Grugier-Hill upends the second receiver on a weave play.


Maybe next year. crosses off Giants (Eagles 25, Giants 22)

During Giants-Eagles, Cincinnati guy Thom Brenneman said that Bengals fans, already pissed that they're down 21-0 to the Browns, would revolt if Hue Jackson (brought back to the Bengals' staff after his firing) ended up succeeding Marvin Lewis. Then THIS happened:




I'm not sure who's trolling who anymore.




(Browns 35, Bengals 20)




During this fight, Leonard Fournette came off the bench and across the field to get into it with someone and got tossed. Then the play was reviewed and the refs correctly determined that Moncrief was down at the 1. The Jaguars would not score at all on this possession. It looks dark in Buffalo. Allen takes a hit he didn't need to take. Field goal is good and the Bills go up by 10. Nine? No, 10. (The score bug had the Jaguars with 15 points temporarily.) Jags driving? OK. Bortles gets sacked. Touchdown Westbrook! Onside kick goes right to the Bills. (Bills 24, Jaguars 21)

Philip Rivers is ON ONE. (Chargers 45, Cardinals 10)

Broncos in their old helmets. I dig it. Audience? Steelers get the game's first first down after a Broncos three and out. Brown picking up yardage. Samuels (Conner's backup) makes a nice move to get a first down. Field goal is... blocked? Partially blocked and no good, yes. That's not the right shade of orange. Big pass play from Keenum to Heuerman. This field goal is good. Ben hits Ryan Switzer for a first down. Roethlisberger to McDonald: "Dude, what? Why are you standing here?" *calls time out* Grimble trucks this defender in the end zone — but it's ruled that he fumbled it through the end zone! It's the Austin Seferian-Jenkins rule and Broncos ball! Wow. They didn't change that rule? Idiots. T.J. Watt headed to the locker room as the Broncos cross midfield. Drive stalls and the Steelers take over. Brown gets caught short on 3rd down and Boswell tries again. This one's good. I don't know the Broncos' tight ends but one of them just scored. Just sat down in the zone, it looks like, caught it, and walked in. This is still a good Broncos secondary, but they're being challenged by the Steelers, who will throw to anybody and everybody. Juju gets stopped cold. FAKE FIELD GOAL! TOUCHDOWN ALEJANDRO VILLANUEVA! Good throw by Boswell, too!




10-10 at halftime. Not sure what happened to the Broncos covering Juju but he took a completely different route. Then he had to dive for the ball and couldn't catch it. Philip Lindsay's prety much assumed the Broncos' starting running back job. Broncos punt. NINETY. SEVEN. YARDS. Steady diet of Conner here. Interception! Keenum to Sanders, who loses it after going out of bounds. Touchdown Sanders! Replays of the first Sanders catch show he took three steps and his elbow hit the ground before the ball came out, but the Broncos took no chances and rushed to the line to get the next play off. We're tied at 17. James Washington had his man beaten by 10 yards and Ben still overthrew him. Now Keenum overthrew Sanders on the other side. Harris gets called for interference on Brown. Conner gets open in the middle of the field. FUMBLE. Did he get it back? No! Broncos ball! Broncos finding things in the middle of the field. Touchdown Lindsay! Hometown kid beasting. Steelers with plenty of time. That sack won't help. Ben finds Juju in the red zone. Interception! What even happened there? Was the snap bad? Oh, they messed up the fake handoff. Man. Tough loss. (Broncos 24, Steelers 17)

Don't look now, but the Colts have won five in a row and that second AFC wild card spot is there to be had. (Colts 27, Dolphins 24)

What if THIS game ends in a tie, too? Highlights montage reminds you that the Packers should have won the first game on at least two occasions. That spot will leave the Vikings just short. They line up to go for it but false start. Good job, guys. They punt . Nope, Adams stepped out of bounds first.
Aaron Jones runs right past Everson Griffen. Solid running inside. Touchdown Adams, who beats Xavier Rhodes. That's a lot of yards to Diggs. Touchdown Cook! How about that. LIMBOOOOOO. Packers coming right back. They're actually running the ball. How novel. This drive has been all Jones and Adams. (Cobb is out tonight.) Jones gets the corner and scores. Cousins pass gets tipped and Rudolph ends up with it. Another drop by Treadwell. Diggs doesn't drop those passes. Somehow he gets behind the defense in the end zone and catches a touchdown. Not a lot of defense being played so far. Thielen makes a tough catch in tight coverage. Jaire Alexander's been very good for the Packers this season.




Bailey misses! He's done. Packers going for it on 4th and 4 from the Vikings' 39. I'll never understand why teams just don't have a play ready in case drawing them offsides doesn't work (and it almost never does.) Predictive analysis says the Packers would have been better served going for it at That Point last week. That's a hell of a catch by Rudolph. This was reviewed and stands. False start. Thielen makes a nice move to get past Alexander and convert. Now it's 1st and 20. Cris wants to try curling. Moss is getting his Hall of Fame stuff tonight. Completion gets the Vikings into field goal range. This is from 51. Flag! ANOTHER false start. Now it's a 56-yarder. Wide right. Tied at 14 at halftime.

106 Grey Cups! Canada's been playing football longer than we've had football. REVENGE FOR CALGARY. Oh, man, this game's in Edmonton and half the crowd is DEAD after the Stampeders won. The game's best Canadian player gets his own trophy, which seems so very Canadian. (Stampeders 27, Redblacks 14)

The refs possibly missed at least a running into the kicker call on the Vikings' field goal attempt before halftime. Speaking of, Mike Zimmer declared he's going for it on 4th downs to take the game out of his kicker's hands. Al points out that these teams are still tied. Jones is stopped just short at midfield. McCarthy's angry because it took the refs too long to spot the ball and he has to burn a time out now. They go for it and Jones didn't get it. Turnover on downs. This is the problem with McCarthy. Why not sneak it?




Cook goes down the sideline. Diggs is having a big game. Cousins runs away from pressure and gets to the 10. He runs out of time on third down and gets sacked. Field goal is good. I thought Zimmer said he was done kicking field goals? Field's in good shape for hosting high school state championships this weekend. Rodgers had no chance on that pass rush. Did the Vikings even bring five there?




Thielen's last spin gets him into the end zone. "I Love L.A." being played over this plug for the next two Sunday Night games even though neither game is actually IN Los Angeles. Thielen AGAIN. Vikings have had the ball for about four minutes. They punt and it hits Tramon Williams! That ball's live and the Vikings get it! Welp.




Cousins has been perfect against the Packers' blitzes tonight. I'm used to him coming up small in games like this; it's weird. Diggs almost made as  spectacular touchdown catch but he couldn't hold on. Vikings going for it and don't get it. 4:51 left. Another coverage sack takes down Rodgers. Adams down the sideline! And Rhodes goes down and grabs his hamstring after the play. 3rd and 1. Rodgers and Adams just miss. Crosby on to kick the field goal with 2:25 left. Al and Cris discussing the Packers' immediate future. Whoa, Vikings. Even throwing that pass is a risk, much less putting it where Cousins put it. Good thing Diggs caught it. crosses off Packers (Vikings 24, Packers 17)

Bob McNair feature. Mariota gets lucky when Eric Reid's brother drops a sure interception, then gets flagged for interference. Field goal is good.




Jonnu Smith gets behind the Texans' defense and outruns them all to the end zone! Somebody screwed up. 10-0 Texans. Kickoff is fumbled! That's ex-Eagle DeAndre Carter. Texans do recover it. Good run by Miller. Another one, that would have been better if he hadn't tripped. Touchdown! That's Demaryius Thomas's first as a Texan, I believe. BRISKET. Booger's a honey ham guy for Thanksgiving, while Tessitore prefers roasts. I'm not sure Kenny Vaccaro's the guy you want covering DeAndre Hopkins. Welp. Can't let Watson get to the edge like that. Texans lead. You know who's good is Corey Davis, and that's another big play from him tonight on the end around. Mariota loses five on the sack. Titans go on 4th and 1 from the Texans' 2. NOPE.




TOUCHDOWN LAMAR MILLER. 97 YARDS. Teams keep trying to replace this dude and he just doesn't let them. That's the second time he's done that this season.




Blitz swallows up Mariota. Things are slowing down. Another safety blitz, but this time Mariota escapes and gets some yards. Watt with pressure and Covington finishes off the sack. Titans going backwards. Great catch on the sideline by Hopkins, down to rolling over to keep the ball secure and get out of bounds, stopping the clock. Field goal is good and it's 24-10 Texans at halftime. The 2019 draft will be in Nashville, and will be televised on ABC as well, with the College GameDay crew anchoring ABC's coverage. The Titans just don't feel like covering any Texans receivers, it seems. That field goal is 27 straight points by the Texans.





Titans return the punt to midfield. Corey Davis gets open, makes a man miss, and walks into the end zone. Mariot gets hit again and fumbles! Watt caused that chaos. Who's got it? Titans recover but it's fourth down. Witten: "As a tight end, the answer's not putting Jonnu Smith one-on-one with J.J. Watt, I can tell you that." Watson sprints down the middle after thinking about it. Titans challenge that he actually fumbled at the end. This is... kinda close. Call STANDS. It almost looks like he starts to lose it, gets it back, and loses it again after he's down. Touchdown to Thomas. Always love offensive holding on a sack. Mariota — who still hasn't thrown an incompletion with seven minutes left in this game — scrambles for 8 on 3rd and 16. What is that mustache, Marcus? Titans still not bothering with defense. Receivers have been open all night long. Booger absolutely savaging the now-benched Blake Bortles, as well as Tom Coughlin for extending him (which was absolutely a terrible decision). Tessitore reports that the league office told them that on the Watson non-fumble, he didn't lose control of it, which was my theory. Mariota throws his first incompletion with 1:25 left to play. Whoa, this game ended quick. (Texans 34, Titans 17)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. L.A. Rams (10-1) — Rest and recharge
2. New Orleans (10-1) — The beat goes on
3. Kansas City (9-2) — See the Rams
4. Houston (8-3) — Not out of the woods yet

BOTTOM 4:
29. Jacksonville (3-8) — Sunday felt like a low point
30. N.Y. Giants (3-8) — Can't beat the Eagles
31. San Francisco (2-9) — How do you lose that badly to a team as bad as the Bucs?
32. Oakland (2-9) — Ouch

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Sunday, November 25, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 11: Home Runs

Is that an actual seahawk? Chris Carson fumbles the first play of the game and the Packers recover. I'm surprised he's playing since he missed Sunday with a bad hip. Graham now has as many catches in Seattle as Packer than he did as a Seahawk. (I'm exaggerating. Mostly.) Touchdown Aaron Jones. Seahawks not starting well in a game they need. Rodgers drops one right into Adams' breadbasket for 41 yards. Crosby misses barely left on a 47-yard attempt. Big run by Rashad Penny! He them limps off. Lockett wanted to throw that, but the Packers had sniffed it out. Carson with a nice run. Packers aren't giving the Seahawks anything side-to-side so far. Wilson badly overthrows Baldwin in the end zone. Seabass kicks it through. Weird that Eddie Lacy's already out of the league.




Rodgers goes 54 yards to the fourth-string tight end for a touchdown! 14-3 after one. Wilson and Baldwin finally connect. Carson converts 3rd and 1. Penny finds a hole and it's first and goal. Bashaud Breeland gets hit with a facemask call, giving the Seahawks another set of downs. Baldwin tries a one-handed catch in the back corner of the end zone but can't finish it. He DOES catch this ball on the opposite corner. Good kickoff return is utterly wiped out by the usual shenanigans. Wilson loads up, fires downfield to Lockett — who draws a pass interference flag. Wilson finds tight end Nick Vannett, who gets to the 1. Touchdown Carson and the Seahawks lead. Jones takes a quick toss for 22 yards. Then they send him on a go route and he makes a nice catch in coverage for a touchdown! 21-17 Packers. Those are the first points the Seahawks have given up in the last two minutes of a half, Buck says. Wilson gets sacked and this drive is over. Rodgers catches the Seahawks overmanned (12 men on the field) and finds Adams downfield. Bobby Wagner was downfield covering Davante Adams, which is wild. That's a coverage sack. Wilson under pressure again. Buck's joke reminds me that it's actually been quite a while since there's been a bad roughing the passer flag on Clay Matthews. Packers call time out on 3rd down and promptly get sacked. Punt pins the Seahawks inside their own 5. I think this is a catch on 3rd down here. Catch and fumble out of bounds. Seahawks are challenging. Call overturned but it took too long. He took three steps and fumbled. Baldwin on the far sideline for another first down. Carson fools half the defense on third and short, then the other half can't tackle him. ANOTHER sack. This one loses 11 yards. Packrell has three tonight.



That forces the Seahawks into a field goal. Packers pick up the blitz and Rodgers hits Adams for 57 yards. That timeout leaves the Packers with only one with 10 minutes left. Seahawks run a stunt and the pocket breaks down around Rodgers. Field goal is good. Back-to-back big plays to Lockett. They replay the second Lockett catch as Buck wonders if the Packers would have challenged had they had more than one time out.




Valid, but only having one time out left at this point is on McCarthy. Touchdown Dickson! Packers go three-and-out and punt, which is... probably correct with 4:20 left. The best argument against it is that it's 4th and 2 and you have Aaron Rodgers, but you figure you'll get the ball back. I'm no McCarthy fan, but I can see why he did it. Seahawks continue running the ball. Wilson gets a first down off a bootleg. Another first down, this one by Davis. Yeah, that clock management, man. Punting backfired. McCarthy's finally getting fired, isn't he? (Seahawks 27, Packers 24)

Signal Finder: PIT @ JAX, DAL @ ATL, CAR @ DET (end), PHI @ NO

Was the entire AFC East off this week? Who schedules that?




Romo doesn't want to blame Bortles for the Jaguars' struggles... not overtly, at least. Fournette's finally back? Huh. They're already plugging the Saints-Cowboys Thursday night game two weeks from now ON ANOTHER NETWORK. Jaguars returning to the power ball that worked so well for them last year, which they can do better with Fournette back. Scoreless after one and not much to talk about. That pass to Westbrook was the first one of this drive, on the 13th play of this drive. It's almost like the Jaguars won't admit it, either. Field goal is good. Fournette powers through for a first down. Another Lambo field goal makes it 6-0 Jaguars. Ramsey comes across the middle and picks off Ben, but did he catch it? Refs say no and the Jags challenge. I don't think the ball actually hit the ground. Steratore doesn't, either. Call overturned. Carlos Hyde plays? Huh. Westbrook makes a catch off a deflection for a first down. The Steelers just haven't had the ball. There's 3:30 left in the half and they've run 11 plays. Another Jaguars field goal. 9-0. Ben airmails one and it's intercepted by Church! He just missed Antonio Brown. Wild. Then Sean Davis (who's wearing 21 now, apparently) drops an interception of his own. That was a long way to go for two yards, Steelers.




9-0 Jaguars at halftime. Watt forces a Bortles fumble but the Jaguars fall back on it. Not a good punt. Ben is pressured and throws a weak ball that Jack intercepts, but the Jaguars are hit with a roughing the passer call. Then Telvin Smith is flagged for unnecessary roughness. If the Steelers are going to get back into this game, now would seem like the time. Intercepted by Ramsey in the end zone! That's a crazy play — he went over Brown's shoulders, caught it in mid-air, and landed on his back. Is he running it out? Was he touched down? Replay says touchback. Fournette running over the Steelers now. He dives and it looks like the ball breaks the plane, but the refs say no. Jaguars challenge. I think he made it. Yep. BROWN! Holy hell. The replay shows his brilliance — he pulls a delayed double move that leaves two defenders stranded. Steelers go for two but the pass is tipped and falls incomplete. 16-6. The Jaguars just threw a pass behind the line of scrimmage on 3rd and 11. Punt. Steelers go for it from the Jaguars' 42... nope. They're somehow still in this game despite having only one successful drive. But this one is starting to look like a second one. Steelers staying in shotgun this whole time. Touchdown! McDonald was open, then had to get open again, and Roethlisberger had just enough time to find him the second time. Three and out? No bueno, Jaguars. JUJU. Smith-Schuster goes up and rotates midair after making that catch. Tough drop by Conner, who may have scored if he'd caught it. Ben finds Brown and he gets to the Jaguars' 3! No reason to spike it. Now you can't run the ball here, despite what Romo says. INTERCEPTION! But there's a flag. Who's it on? Face mask against the Jaguars! That's Raiders bust D.J. Hayden committing that. Now they CAN run the ball, Tony. Defensive holding and the Jaguars have fallen apart in the last minute and a half. Roethlisberger... keeps it! TOUCHDOWN! And of course, the Jags fumble on the last play of the game. *crosses off Jaguars* (Steelers 20, Jaguars 16)




And on the same date, no less. Colt McCoy's still there? Hm. That's the first lead change in a Washington game this season. And that's the second. I'm not sure how smart it is to send a kicker who hasn't practiced half the week out to try a 63-yarder. That's not even close. Smith apparently went right into surgery, too. Damn. The final score was the same as the Theismann game, too. AND I'm seeing that apparently he was there. Holy hell. Houston's won seven in a row, by the way. (Texans 23, Redskins 21)

Ryan gets pressured and nearly throws a pick to a defensive lineman on the first play. Coleman gets drilled on 3rd and 5 but still holds on for a first down. Another close call by Ryan as Julio Jones played good defense on a jump ball.




Sack! Falcons did not handle the Cowboys' rush well on that series. Elliott takes a screen pass 34 yards into the red zone. Swaim somehow catches that desperation flip from Prescott. Elliott finds a hole and it's first and goal. Beasley... DROPS a touchdown pass. We all thought he had it. Option pitch to Elliott fools absolutely no one. Cowboys probably should have gotten a touchdown there. Matt Bryant also back. Game tied. Wait, Randy Gregory's back? Ryan sacked for the third time this half. THAT pass was picked off and Jones knocked it out of Heath's hands. Two-minute warning. Ryan's been throwing a lot of high balls that his receivers can't quite get to. Cowboys' defense holds, but they go into the locker room without even trying a Hail Mary. The announcers (Burkhart and Davis) are flummoxed. Coleman wearing the Cowboys out on this drive. Touchdown. Extra point MISSED. Elliott fumbles! The Cowboys recover it, but where is it? Refs say it's a first down and that's a big break. Elliott drops a ball downfield. Beasley catches a 3rd and 10 pass and it's not first and goal. Prescott keeps it for the touchdown. And THAT extra point is missed. Ryan looks for Ridley, who can't catch it, and Vander Esch ends up with it. Elliott with a 28-yard touchdown run. 19-9 Cowboys. Cowboys fool the Falcons with a fake to Elliott, then Prescott keeps it to pick up 3rd and 2. Another quarterback keeper doesn't go as well. Falcons force a punt. 1:59 left? Already? It's 3:30. Matt Ryan with a chance here. THAT DIDN'T TAKE LONG. Jones fights to hang on and that's a touchdown. Now, do you go for two? They don't, and Bryant's kick is good. Tie game! The downside is, there's a lot of time for the Cowboys. The upside is, if the Falcons get this stop they'll have time to drive for the win. But the Cowboys pick it up. Beasley loses Alford and gets into field goal range. 34 seconds left. Tyron Smith down. Cowboys run Elliott to get slightly closer. Maher from 42. He JUST made it. (Cowboys 22, Falcons 19)

Touchdown D.J. Moore! Panthers going for two? RIVERBOAT RON LIVES. Cam with all kinds of time. Wright finally gets open but Cam misses him. Lions recover the onside kick and this is a bad loss for the Panthers, who left six points on the field. (Lions 20, Panthers 19)

This is going to be a disaster. Saints force a three-and-out, then Ingram takes the first carry for 38 yards. Yep, this is going to be a disaster. The Flyers score first more often than the Eagles have this season, and the Flyers haven't scored first in eight years. Dez Bryant may have played for the Saints this week had he not torn his Achilles in practice nine days ago. They signed Brandon Marshall to replace him, but he's only been here four days and is inactive. Jenkins stops the Saints on third down, but the Saints appear to be considering going for it on 4th. They are not. Field goal is good. Clement with a good kickoff return. Maybe that'll help. Or not, as Eli Apple may have gotten away with a hold on Matthews. Punt return is blown dead, for some reason. Kelce's arm being worked on as we go to commercial. Refs decided Kamara signaled for a fair catch, thus the whistle. This Kirkwood is fresh up from the practice squad. A big part of why this offense has gone to another level this season is nobody can sack Brees. Josh Hill gets 16 on a tight end screen. Brees misses Taysom Hill in the end zone. Kirkwood again. Kamara takes it to the 5. Maddox down for the Eagles, who just got Sidney Jones back and are short on defensive backs. He's being helped off. Austin Carr? Any relation? (No.) Regardless, it's a Saints touchdown. Sack is negated by defensive holding. Wentz throws deep and this is doomed. Intercepted by Lattimore. Saints are running literally everyone else they have out there to make plays. Kamara takes a run down the near sideline. Touchdown Ingram. Tate with a catch, finally. Eagles starting to click? Adams finds a hole and scores from 28 yards. Saints punt. Pederson said he probably should have used Adams more last week, and he's doing it now. Wentz gets wrecked on a sack, ending this drive.




Boy, after running into the kicker made it 4th and 8, I wouldn't have been against a fake punt there. Saints on the move again. Smith! This a touchdown? Refs say it is. Yep. That's a bad personal foul call but it's not really relevant. The Eagles' pass protection hasn't been good today. The run blocking's been mostly fine. 24-7 Saints at the half and they'll get the ball. Michael Thomas showing up big now. Brees drops one over his shoulder into his hands for a touchdown. Ertz doesn't have a catch yet. There it is. Eagles get caught with 10 men on the field. They go for it on 4th and 5. Lot of movement, bad snap, incomplete. Smith is feasting on these dudes the Eagles had to bring in off the street. Touchdown Ingram and this thing's been over for a while. Did Cameron Johnson gave Kamara an STO on that punt return? And Kamara gets flagged for taunting (throwing the ball at a player afterwards) Brees hits Smith for 38 yards as the third quarter ends. Good Lord, this game is dragging. Kamara makes a catch down the sideline and drags Jenkins into the end zone. An Eagle gets clotheslined on the extra point. It's 44-7, by the way.




Buck discussing the fact that this Saints run seemed over before last season, when they nailed their draft and got supremely unlucky in Minneapolis. Seriously, there's no need for Wentz to take another snap. There's still 12 minutes left? (Saints 48, Eagles 7)

FLEXING.




Trubisky makes a move (!) and finishes off that scramble with a first down. Trubisky finds rookie Anthony Harris for another first down. Field goal is... GOOD. Cousins overthrows an open Diggs in the end zone. Cook fumbles! Bears ball. Mack forced the fumble. Imagine that.




Trey Burton picks up a first down. This is the first Sunday night game in Chicago since 2012, and thanks to FLEXING, they'll be back in three weeks when the Rams visit. Trubisky throws into traffic and it's... picked off! Couldn't tell right away. I thought it was incomplete. Trubisky slides like Mark Sanchez. Is he the Bears' leading rusher tonight? He's averaging 9 yards a carry? The hell? T-FORMATION. Trubisky to Anthony Miller for what's called a touchdown. I thought it skipped off the field. I'm wrong about that, at any rate. Bears going for two here? That seems... odd. They get it! ELEVENER. Vikings not doing a whole lot so far. Tarik Cohen gets the edge and picks up a first down. Man, he's quick. Field goal is good and the Bears get a hard 14. Diggs with a big catch and run. The Vikings badly needed that. Interception! Halftime. Big screen to Burton is nullified by a penalty, making it 1st and 21. Cohen then gets all 21 back on the next play. Vikings can't sustain anything for more than two first downs. Harris picks off Trubisky for the second time and this return's got some mileage on it. Vikings get a real break. But Cousins looks for Diggs in traffic and can't connect. They're going for it on 4th and 1 from the Bears 19, and Thielen makes the catch. Bears hold again and Bailey hits from 37. That's a catch and fumble. Vikings ball. Cook's done nothing tonight. Amir Abdullah, the ex-Lions bust, just had the longest run of the night for the Vikings.


Akiem Hicks with the sack on third down and he just came on through. Field goal is good. Taylor Gabriel with a clutch catch. Miller takes a hit but hangs on for seven yards. That was almost intercepted and this game was almost within a two-point conversion of being tied. "Rockit?"





Interception! Touchdown Bears! That throw sailed on Cousins and went right to Jackson. That guy's got at least four defensive touchdowns already and he's in his second season.


Bears going for two again (with Hicks going out wide after the backfield formation breaks). They get it. Cousins feeding Diggs now as the Vikings go no-huddle. That's pass interference? Whatever y'all say. Cousins goes too high for Diggs in the end zone. Then he hits Robinson for the touchdown. They go for two and it's no good, but the Bears get flagged for roughing the passer, which Terry McAuley disagrees with. Thielen catches the second attempt. 4:30 left and the Vikings (correctly) don't onside kick. Allen Robinson converts a third down. Harrison Smith hits a sliding Trubisky and gets flagged. I mean, he's down at that point. Al explores John Madden's etymology of the word "doink" when discussing Cody Parkey's adventures from last week. The Bears can't pick up 3rd and 4 and the clock's stopped. It'd be about a 48-yarder. Parkey comes in. Collinsworth would not be surprised by a fake. Nope, straight kick. GOOD. Wait, that's Don Beebe's kid? Damn, we're old. That pass to Cook almost got picked off by the defensive line. This two-minute drill has picked up. Diggs catches a touchdown. Two-point pass is knocked down by Hicks. The Bears recover the onside kick and that's that.




(Bears 25, Vikings 20)

This game was relocated to L.A. because the grass at Azteca was in bad shape due to recent overuse. Orlando Scandrick's starting? Good Lord, why? Cooks with a big play coming across the middle. Wood outruns Scandrick on a crossing route and that's a touchdown. Goff dropped back like 12 steps. Reel it in. Extra point is not good. Chiefs playing a sloppy game so far. Lots of flags. Josh Reynolds is basically replacing Cooper Kupp, and look who he just beat for a touchdown. Kareem Hunt is the Chiefs' best weapon tonight, as the Rams struggle badly against the run. Hill with a big catch. Witten called that touchdown to Hill before the ball was in the air. Not sure there's anyone in the league who can catch him from behind. 13-7 Rams.







Wait, Reid can challenge this?




Thank you, sir. That was clearly tipped and the call was correctly reversed. Fourth down. Field goal is good. Chiefs come right back with a chunk play to Hill. Mahomes goes way too high for Kelce. Another penalty means that completion to the 5 won't count. Mahomes-to-Hunt gets the yardage back. Mahomes keeps it on a zone read option, but he has to slide at the 1. They send Hunt on a sweep but he doesn't make it. Chiefs take the field goal. This a fumble? It looks like Goff's down. I guess it is. And Hunt immediately takes a screen into the end zone. Good blocking. PAT is good and it's 17-16 Chiefs. A PUNT! Fumble! Touchdown Rams! Cam Erving had no chance against Aaron Donald. (In fairness, few do.) Overhead shot shows the place is packed for the first MNF game at the Coliseum in 33 years. I wonder what the fan ratio is. Mahomes to Conley for the touchdown! Another missed PAT leaves it tied at 23 at the half.




The Chainsmokers? Really? That's so 2017.




Conley gets free down the sideline. Donald blows up ANOTHER play, and that's another fumble by Mahomes. Get the ball! Brockers (who Tessitore completely misidentifies) eventually falls on it for the Rams. Cooks dives futilely for ball in the end zone and is off to the locker room. Rams going for it on 4th and 1. They THROW it and pick it up. Tight end screen gets 15. Goff runs in UNTOUCHED.




That's a good kickoff return. Kelce's man falls down and he's wide open. First and goal at the 5. Touchdown, surprising no one. Cooks back for the Rams. He then picks up a 3rd and 11 on a screen, helped by a huge block. That cornerback is dead. My goodness.


Did I miss a field goal? Interception! TOUCHDOWN RAMS. Bad throw by Mahomes. That's Samson Ebukam's second touchdown tonight, and Mahomes and Hill combined can't bring him down. 40-30 Rams after the extra point with 2:14 left in the THIRD.




Wait, WHAT??? They're calling this a fumble and touchdown Rams! Let's see. Oh, I think that's a forward pass. It is rightly overturned. Hill makes a bad decision to return that punt from the 1 and doesn't even get to the 10. TYREEK HILL. SEVENTY-THREE YARDS. And no one within that of him. They flagged him for the celebration and the kickoff still got to the end zone from the 20. And now the Chiefs get a scoop-and-score touchdown and retake the lead! 44-40 now. Reynolds is left alone for a big gain. Woods comes back to the ball and makes a diving catch at the Chiefs' 7. You know who's been surprisingly silent tonight is Todd Gurley. Touchdown Everett. A punt? Wow. I believe this is the first time the Andy Reid "Punt, Pass, and Kick" footage has aired on MNF. Did Mahomes slip or was he tripped up? He gets that first down if he doesn't go down. Chiefs going for it on 4th and 2. Rams call time out. Chiefs go over the middle to Kelce and cross midfield in the process. Conley is all alone on a crossing route and scores. Chiefs retake the lead.




This is nuts. We now have the highest-scoring Monday Night Football game ever, and this is No. 773.




Reynolds probably should have had that. Rams now out of time outs.




DAMMIT, HE STAYED IN. TOUCHDOWN EVERETT. This is insane. 54-51. We've literally never seen this before.




That catch by Hill, though! Stretches out with a man flashing in front of him and still brings it in. INTERCEPTION MARCUS PETERS! The ex-Chief! Dear God. Rams still out here throwing. That pass got knocked down and could have been intercepted. That's bad clock management — the Chiefs still have a time out and there's 1:04 left. Hill brings this punt out of the end zone! What the hell, dude? Did he not know where he was? Chiefs take over at their 12 with 50 seconds left. Kelce DROPPED that? Wow. Fooled me and the announcers. INTERCEPTION JOYNER. That WILL do it. Unbelievable. (Rams 54, Chiefs 51)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. L.A. Rams (10-1) — That was ridiculous, in a good way
2. New Orleans (9-1) — How did these guys lose to the Buccaneers?
3. Kansas City (9-2) — No cause for shame
4. Houston (7-3) — They were always this division's best team

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Giants (3-7) — Good eating off a bad defense
30. Tampa Bay (3-7) — A period that rivals their worst days
31. San Francisco (2-8) — These things happen
32. Oakland (2-8) — They're still allowed to win games?

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Thursday, November 15, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 10: Flakes

 


Of note: The Panthers' new owner is a Pittsburgh native. Panthers get the ball first and are already on the move. The screen flashes with dull orange blocks and then there's no score bug. Now there's no clock. McCaffrey with two strong runs back to back. Fourth and 1 from the Steelers 22? Riverboat Ron is back! McCaffrey picks it up! Next play, Cam hits McCaffrey in the flat and he scores. That was way too easy. Juju! 75 YARDS! TOUCHDOWN. Are you kidding me? Just like that, we're tied. Was Bell one of the players in that graphic? LOL. OH MY GOD. Cam threw it away to avoid a safety and it turned into a pick-six! T.J. Watt blew that whole thing up.




Hey, a punt! Steelers run a double reverse for 13. Joe and Troy recount the Conner story and how well the Steelers knew him, since they share training facilities and a stadium with Pitt. Conner makes a move and reaches the 3, then scores on the next play. 21-7 Steelers. There's 4:35 left in the first quarter. The Steelers have scored only 26 first-quarter points ALL SEASON.




Roethlisberger with all kinds of time and he finds Brown downfield for 34. Field goal is good. WE HAVE A SPOT CHALLENGE. Panthers are saying Moore got the first down. Pereira seems to agree. Call reversed and first down Panthers. Somehow McCaffrey is left uncovered in the flat and he could have all but walked into the end zone.




Five minutes to halftime. Roethlisberger finds Ryan Switzer and gets to midfield. Then he hits Brown in stride, the defender falls down, and Brown cruises into the end zone. 31-14 Steelers.




It's a shame Brown's never going to win a Super Bowl. Watt comes unblocked to Cam again and knocks the ball out, but McCaffrey falls on it. And two of those games Cam's missed in the last 7 1/2 years were after a car accident. Cam and Olson get their wires crossed, but this interception by Tremaine Edmunds is ruled incomplete. Cam leaves the field with a trainer just before halftime. Steelers open with a methodical drive, much like the Panthers did to start the game. Great effort by McDonald to catch this in the back of the end zone. Touchdown! There was a question of control but the review confirmed it.




The wristband incident with Aikman is re-referenced. Stevan Ridley's a Steeler? Ben slides and gets hit by Eric Reid, drawing a flag and starting a ruckus. That wouldn't have gotten called on Cam, for the record. Did Reid just get ejected? Holy crap. Ben finds Road Dogg for the touchdown. 45-14 after 3. FUMBLE ON THE KICKOFF. It's all come apart.




Another Steelers touchdown. My God. Pocket collapses around Cam again. There's still 12 minutes left. Time for Bucks-Warriors, I think. Yeah, Josh Dobbs is in. (Steelers 52, Panthers 21)

Signal Finder: NE @ TEN, WSH @ TB, JAX @ IND (end), SEA @ LAR

Gonna be a rough day for Malcolm Butler. Lot of Pats fans here, Eagle says. No Gronk. That's a good kickoff return. Mariota hits Davis for 25. Too high for Davis in the end zone on first and goal. Mariota rolls out on third down and connects with Smith for a touchdown. Brady hits Gordon in traffic. Field goal is good. 7-3. Harmon drops a sure interception off a tipped ball, and then the Pats get hit for pass interference. Funny moment when the announces talk over the replay of this Cameron Batson catch, then Eagle notes that a flag's been thrown on the facemask that they overlooked while talking about the play. Davis with a sweet over-the-shoulder catch in the end zone! DPI means it'll stand. Deep pass to Smith gets fumbled... but out of bounds, so. Field goal is good. Edelman takes a pitch. 17-3 Titans (!) after one. Pats go for it on 4th and 2 from the Titans' 11 and Brady fakes a reverse and passes to White. James Develin (?) dives for the touchdown. GROOME GUITARS. Gostkowski misses left from 52.




Mariota runs out of time and gets sacked. But THIS time, he steps up and finds Davis downfield. Three straight completions now for Mariota and they're at the Patriots' 3. Touchdown? NOT a touchdown. Henry got upended at the 1. He walks in on the next play. Who can figure this Titans team? Brady sacked to end the half. 24-10 Titans. What. Brady pass bounces off Edelman's shoulder. Batson with a nice grab on the sideline. Mariota gets almost 20 on a play-action option. Field goal is good.




(Note that the Titans did this successfully earlier in the game.) Then they false start on 4th and 1, making it 4th and 6. Then the Titans break up the fourth-down pass. Still more than 10 minutes left in the fourth quarter. Another easy touchdown for Henry and that feels daggerish. Brady out, Hoyer in. It's over. (Titans 34, Patriots 10)


Fitzpatrick threw an interception? SHOCKING. DeSean picks up a first down on 3rd and 3, a situation Washington's defense has been bad in this season. Hey, Jordan Reed's still alive. A five-yard pattern on 3rd and 12? Really, Jay? Field goal is good. Bucs' drive slows down once they go away from Peyton Barber. Coincidence? Fitzpatrick doesn't even know how to run — if he'd dove forward he'd have gotten that first down. Catanzaro misses the field goal. Jacquizz Rogers just faked that dude out of his feet. Seriously, he's limping. Hope he's all right. 3-3. Hold takes away a 40-yard Biggs run. That's not a catch. Wait, Michael Floyd's here? Yep, not a catch. But this is, as Floyd extends to pick that one out of the air. Field goal is good. 6-3 D.C. at the half. Jay burns a timeout two minutes into the second half. Fine work. Peterson with some moves. Brenneman calls out Gruden for calling a 12-yard route on 3rd and 14. This game is hot garbage. Bucs miss another field goal. Smith finds Maurice Harris for 20 yards. Touchdown Doctson. Fitzpatrick throws a particularly BAD interception? SHOCKING. Telegraphed as hell. Field goal is good, and remember that stat about Washington front-running? It's happening again. Peterson somehow isn't washed yet after six weeks with this squad. Davis has gotta reach out for that. OK, on replay maybe it was a little too far. Fitzpatrick overthrows Desean so badly he has to play defense.




Evans drops a touchdown pass. FUMBLE.




Welcome, Saints-Bengals viewers. This game has been the POLAR OPPOSITE of yours. (Redskins 16, Buccaneers 3; Saints 51, Bengals 14)


Browns looking frisky. (Browns 28, Falcons 16)

I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Honestly, most of the early games. Saints-Bengals ended before 3:45, which is unfathomable.




This question had basically the same four answers: Adams, Darnold, Leonard Williams, and Enunwa. As bad a coach as Bowles has been this season, this is still a bottom-three roster. Matt Barkley, though! Weird how he got more chances than Matt Leinart despite being a lower draft pick. (Bills 41, Jets 10)

We join Jags-Colts on a fumble review with 1:29 left, and that is a fumble. Wait... is it, though? It's hard to say that the ball is out of the receiver's hand. The pay was ruled a completed pass and down by contact, apparently? That's weird. Ruling changed to a fumble and it's Colts ball. crosses off Jaguars (Colts 29, Jaguars 26)

The Seahawks struggled with the Rams in the best of times. This could get ugly in a hurry. OK, that should NOT have worked. Perfect throw by Wilson for the touchdown to Vannett. We learn that Goff and several other Rams players and staffers had to evacuate because of the fires, and that McVay gave the Rams Friday off. Maybe cover Gurley when he comes out of the backfield. Just a thought. Whoa! Touchdown Rams! Rashad Penny, a surprise first-round pick, hasn't played in a month and just broke off a big run. Touchdown Penny! I turn away for 20 seconds and the Rams are in the red zone. They didn't score a touchdown? Oops. Field goal is good, though. Game has slowed down some. Woods comes across the field to pull that one in. GURLEY! Touchdown! Woods and Whitworth with good downfield blocking on that. 17-14 Rams. Gurley runs away from a couple of Seahawks before being dragged down. Dion Jordan's in the league? Field goal is good. Peters got the interception but he held his man before that and got caught. That's blatant as hell. Penny runs for 24 yards, but an unsportsmanlike conduct call on the Seahawks takes away 15. Fowler gets an unsportsmanlike conduct flag. Tyler Lockett with a nice catch in the end zone and the Seahawks retake the lead. Woods finds himself wide open in what is probably a zone and converts his 43rd third down of the year (!) The Rams' other tight end, Higbee, has to turn around to make this catch over his shoulder, but still manages to score. Rams going for two up five. Gurley goes nowhere. Baldwin with a catch. Some confusion here as the Rams call time out before getting caught shorthanded. The refs then give the Rams their time out back because they didn't allow enough time to  match the Seahawks' substitution, so they still have two. Baldwin catches a short screen. Donald and Suh team up  to sack Wilson on 3rd and 5. Field goal is good. Wait, WHAT? The Seahawks just tried an onside kick and the Rams were... somehow ready for it? Rams ball!




Kupp being helped off as Goff finds Cooks at the 10. Rams kick the field goal here, making it 29-24. Sack. Fumble? FUMBLE. They rule Fowler down. All four of the Rams sacks have come on third down. Cooks takes the pitch and scores. Penalty on the kickoff moves the Seahawks back to their 10, which is suboptimal. Awful lot of Mike Davis on this drive.




Wilson goes to Baldwin for 12 on 3rd and 6. Hey, a Wilson scramble. Ed Dickson's a Seahawk? Huh. Touchdown Davis! Romo doing a lot of lifting in these last few moments, first weighing going for one or two here (it doesn't really matter), then debating whether to try another onside kick (with three time outs, even if it fails it's not the worst idea.) Onside kick is recovered by the Rams. Gurley gets blown up and loses seven yards. Seahawks hold and force a punt. Now, I'm not sure why Romo's going on about a field goal here, as it is absolutely not an option with 1:24 left. Wilson to Lockett for 29. Wilson scrambles for 11, then hurries to the line and spikes it. Last chance. Wilson looking for Lockett... too high. (Rams 36, Seahawks 31)


No Lane Johnson. G.W. and Laura Bush in the house. 43 ribs Al and Cris's golf games. Cowboys won the toss, but deferred. First throw to Golden Tate is caught, but he can't get to the marker. Punt pins the Cowboys at their own 9. Tate in to return the punt. Wentz gets intercepted by Vander Esch. Very odd. Good blocking on the return. Cooper with a catch for 12. Zach Martin down and that could be a PROBLEM. He's off the field and the Cowboys now have two new guards. Cooper converts another third down. Two misfires and the field goal unit is on. Maher barely makes it. Grugier-Hill almost picks Dak.




Cooper converts another third down on Darby, who hits him but doesn't bring him down. Smith gets almost 15 on 3rd and 15 as the quarter ends. Cowboys line up to go for it. Flag! False start. So much for that. Josh Adams gets free on the right side and goes for 29. Not sure why you'd go five wide on 3rd and 1. Unless, of course, you're going for it on fourth. Adams gets swallowed up. Martin back for the Cowboys. Cowboys fake a punt and snap it to the up man, who gets the first down! Dak overthrows Cooper, who would have scored. Elliott hurdles Tre Sullivan, then stumbles or HE would have scored. And Sullivan was upright! That's sick! Eagles challenging this Prescott run for reasons I don't understand. They win the challenge and... move the ball a yard and a half back. Dak gets sacked on third down. Collinsworth has no idea what the Cowboys' actual plan was there. Field goal is good.




Wentz hits three straight completions to get to the two-minute warning. That's a big play to break up that pass, because Jeffery was wide open. Eagles pass up a 56-yard attempt to go for it on 4th and 10, at least for the moment. They change their minds and Elliott makes it. Dak gets sacked again. Screen to Gallup gets 25 on 3rd and 15. Beasley makes a jumping catch. Dak hits Hurns at the 1. Quick QB sneak and it's touchdown Cowboys. 13-3 at the half.




Drive begins with a sack by Bennett. Clement finds the corner and gets a first down. Wentz, under duress, finds Ertz, who then reaches out and pulls in the next pass. La'el Collins down and hurt. Wait, what? Wentz passed to Ertz, who lateraled BACK to Tate. Wentz looks for Jeffery in traffic but it's broken up. Field goal is good. Elliott runs for 14, then again for 38. NBC's really still doing that "active zone" or whatever they're not actually calling it. Dak drops back, gets chased, drops the ball, picks it back up, and throws it away. Darby's down and the Eagles are already missing Mills and Jones. Field goal is... no good. Possibly too-quick run-through on run-pass option concepts. Interesting that Collinsworth opines that Dak probably feels more comfortable with RPOs when the Cowboys don't run a whole lot of them. Matthews picks up 3rd and 12. Sneak works. Ertz somehow gets wide open and Wentz finds him for the touchdown. Darby won't return. Another strong run by Elliott. Elliott catches a touchdown pass as Hicks and Corey Graham bump into each other.




Wentz goes deep for Agholor and he brings it in! 51 yards, and they haven't done that nearly as much of this with Agholor this season, as Collinsworth points out. Adams runs to the 1. Agholor gets caught trying a reverse. Touchdown Ertz! I wasn't sure he'd caught that at first. Team selfie! Oh, they were saluting the troops in attendance in those end zone seats. Tied at 20. Cooper gets wide open against a truly depleted secondary. Elliott gets stopped on second down, but punches it in on third down. This game is off the rails. Eagles back on the move. Collinsworth wonders how they're going to play this clock and not leave enough time for the Cowboys to do anything. I'm wondering if they might go for two if they get a touchdown here. Vander Esch trips up Clement on 3rd and 2, preventing what would have been a big gain. Ertz catches it, but he's nowhere near the first down. Turnover on downs and this hurts. I have no idea why they're reviewing this. I guess to spot the ball? Cowboys moving backwards. Eagles get a last shot with 52 seconds left. Hook and ladder with Ertz and Tate fails and the Redskins, of all teams, may have just won the division tonight. (Cowboys 27, Eagles 20)

Gould clean as a whistle from 53. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. That's really the first mistake Mullens has made. The Giants actually still have more playmakers. Touchdown Beckham. Kittle's having a good year.




Touchdown Breida. 10-7 49ers. Five minutes to halftime and the announcers are talking about Le'veon Bell. Eli hits Corey Coleman (?) for a first down. Tess: "Coleman's last catch was three teams ago." On the next third down, Eli lofts one over a stopped Beckham, who was stopped because Sherman interfered with him. That went nowhere. Field goal is good and we're tied at 10.




Northern California is also on fire,and Lisa Salters gives us an air quality report. Bad read by Collins allows Kittle to make that catch and go for a big gain. Niners are quickly in field goal range. Mullens almost throws an interception — he threw the ball behind his receiver. Gould on, and the Giants try to ice him. It, of course, does not work. 13-10 49ers at halftime. Niners take the second half kickoff and are on the move. More hype for Chiefs-Rams next week. That 1990 game featured these very teams, who had just lost the week before. Witten calls the tight end screen. Touchdown Mullens to Brieda! A military band is playing "California Love." I've now seen everything. Coleman brings the kickoff out of the end zone... to midfield! That's a dude who knows he's about out of chances. 49ers fail to cover Beckham and he gets 21 yards. What's helped Eli is that the line hasn't been God-awful tonight. Beckham beats his man to the corner and catches a touchdown. Cornerback's wondering where the help is. 20-17. Mullens finds Kittle on third down, but this time he interfered, turning 3rd and 12 into 3rd and 22. Sterling Shepard on the reverse for 27! Field goal is good. Witten sides with the "Giants should have taken a quarterback this year" crowd, and Booger falls firmly on the other side. The problem the Giants have is that they're wasting both Barkley's and Beckham's prime years with a rapidly-declining Eli and a bad O-line. Tessitore came from college football, so he knows that the upcoming class of quarterbacks isn't as good as the one we just had. 20-20 after three and this game's been better than most of Sunday's 1 o'clock games. B.J. Goodwin picks off Mullens for the second time tonight after Marquise Goodwin (who's just back in the game after taking a hit to the head) can't hold on to it. Now Goodwin's down again. Eli had Beckham open deep but didn't throw it far enough. Then Eli gets sacked. The "Is Eli a Hall of Famer" discussion is now happening, and Witten thinks like I do: His two Super Bowls — and that he beat Brady to get them — will get him in eventually. Brieda's catch starts this 49ers drive. Gould field goal ends it. Big play to Evan Engram, who the safety thought was going to block and got out of the way, letting him loose. Giants bleeding clock for some reason. Barkley comes across the field and the Giants are now in the red zone. Shephard goes up and gets it for the touchdown! Extra point is good and it's a four-point lead. 53 seconds left. Mullens hits Goodwin over the middle! But he can't make the sideline and four seconds are lost. Witten says Goodwin should have gone down immediately, but the 49ers manage to spike it with one second left.




That's too high. Flag? Flag! But it's OFFENSIVE holding. (Giants 27, 49ers 23)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. L.A. Rams (9-1) — All about holding on
2. Kansas City (9-1) — Mahomes set a team touchdown passing record in 10 GAMES
3. New Orleans (8-1) — Points for brevity
4. L.A. Chargers (7-2) — All this without Joey Bosa, keep in mind

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Jets (3-7) — Fire the GM, maybe?
30. N.Y. Giants (2-7) — Eli's last gasp?
31. San Francisco (2-8) — Mama told you there'd be days like this
32. Oakland (1-8) — Making sure they won't be missed

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