Friday, December 19, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 15: Second Response

An underrated development here in the Rams' "rise" is not just that they've finally figured out how to use Tavon Austin, but that they're getting him the ball so they can. The Rams are getting yards in chunks early, which could pose a problem for the Cardinals later. Mason fumbled! The Cardinals have a chance to break the Rams' scoreless streak here. It's GOOD! Rams sure snuffed out that reverse. A toss play to the tight end on 3rd and 1? Titans-Jaguars next week! Good luck selling that one, Nantz! So utterly unconvincing. This game got boring after that first Rams drive. Was that a forward pass? I mean, it'll barely matter but you'd like to get it right regardless.


SPEED! Blitz! Uh-oh, Stanton's down now. Maybe his leg got caught in the turf? Wait, they brought back Ryan Lindley? For the love of God, Why? Did he make that kick? I can't see the ball. It's good? OK. So whoever's coming in for Stanton has time to warm up, at any rate. And Lindley picks up right where he left off — being absolutely useless as an NFL quarterback. Oh, that ball hit the ground.
Oh, look, another field goal.


Whoa, the Rams are making plays down the field again. It's only been three quarters. Aw, come on, Rams. What have you got to lose?


The Cardinals were lucky not to lose that fumble. And now Hill drops the snap. What was that pass on? 4th and 12? Good job, guys. Did the Cardinals just quick-kick that? That would have been awesome. (Cardinals 12, Rams 6)

Signal Finder: PIT @ ATL, CIN @ CLE, GB @ BUF (end), HOU @ IND (end), JAX @ BAL (end), SF @ SEA




Also, Santana Moss is still in the league? I mean, he's not still in this game, but even so. (Giants 24, Redskins 13)

Pick-six by Ryan. Splendid. Lot of Steelers fans here, as you can tell by the booing after that roughing call. That's... borderline. Hester! On offense, even. That's a sign of... something. I'm pretty sure Bell didn't catch this many passes in college, either. That reversal on the Brown catch is real close. The Falcons have no pass rush whatsoever.


The real takeaway here is that the Steelers are actually playing like they're the better team, which hasn't happened all year. I don't actually mind the Falcons punting there, but why let the play clock run down to 4 seconds before you do it? I mean, the punt was the least offensive part of that sequence. Illegal contact on Trufant? Game over.


Oops. (Steelers 27, Falcons 20)

The Bengals have started out the way I thought the Browns might, thought the Bengals' backs are better than the Browns'. The Browns are sniffing out these screens so far. Hmmm, that's helmet-to-helmet if anything. Trapped in no man's land, the Bengals try 3th and 4 and go to Green. Of course, it works. Good drive. And now it's JOHNNY FOOTBALL TIME. Remember, if Mike Smith doesn't screw up the time out situation at the end of the Falcons game, this happens one week earlier. That was uneventful. The Bengals are on the move again. Gotta protect the kid, Browns. That's on Hawkins. The Bengals have run all over the Browns so far in this game. It's just gonna continue like this, isn't it? Good job by Lynch pronouncing Stipe Miocic's name right. Oh man. Manziel finally makes a play and the Browns had an illegal man downfield. You see his reaction? And then he throws an interception.


Man, a touchdown would have been a dagger. The Browns made a play! On defense, even! Crowell didn't even come close to the first down marker. No real choice here. They made it! Wait, they got Malauga for taunting when Bengals players have been making the Money sign all over the field? Oh, he did it to his face. That's cold, man. Another high throw and this one actually does get intercepted. Offsides? So it won't count but the trend continues.


Positive yardage! It's a Festivus miracle! You have to call a time out coming out of the two minute warning? That's a disgrace. Manziel's furious and he's right to be. Another bad high throw and this interception will count.


You can count the number of Browns who have played well today on no hands. The only thing that's happened in the second half is more Bengals making the Money sign. crosses off Browns (Bengals 30, Browns 0)

Bills? And we come in to see Nelson trying to make amends for that touchdown-costing drop. Now Cobb's fighting for yardage. Is it already dark up there? All that and they settled for a field goal? I don't think I like it. That's a big third down completion. Fumble?! No, Bills recovered. Now the Packers really need a stop. Orton threw that pass way too early. So the Packers have 97 yards to go.


Safety? Clear fumble. Safety. So it's the backwards part of the Holy Roller rule, and Lacy actually did the right thing by trying to pick it up — saved them five points. It's too late for the Bills, but this could come back to bite the Packers. (Bills 21, Packers 13)

I crossed off the 49ers on Thanksgiving night because there's no way they're going into Seattle and winning in their current state. An understated part of the 49ers' demise has been the terrible season Vernon Davis is having. Buck: "Is this the final chapter?" As such, yes. That's a stupid late hit by Reid and you can tell the 49ers are angry already. That one's closer only because the receiver drops his head to brace for the hit and Reid had nowhere else to go. The 49ers may go for this here, and why not? Their season's over. Did they just call two straight time outs? Oh, no. OK. Touchdown! Impressive catch by Kearse on that deep pass with Cox all over him. Hey, a Kaepernick run that went somewhere! Haven't seen that in two months. And there's a sack. And there's another one. And now the 49ers have to punt. Wilson went out of bounds too early — he had room to get the first down before he had to go out. Both of these defenses are bringing pain. That's a very well-done panic play by Wilson and Baldwin. That's a bad interception by Wilson and the Seahawks will end up with nothing. Somehow Aldon Smith didn't sack Wilson there, and the Seahawks got a taste of their own medicine on the other end. Who jumps offsides on a punt? I guess that's what happens when everything goes wrong. Hyde's hurt, too? They've already lost Gore to a concussion, I think they said. How did LaMichael James never get picked up? Beast Mode just gave the Seahawks the lead. Wait, WHAT?


I mean... at least with the one in the Steelers game, you could kind of say he led with his helmet. That's just awful. And two plays later they score. I've never seen this guy at running back now for the 49ers. This drive seems very scattershot. 4th and 1 is... no good. And that's official. (Seahawks 17, 49ers 7)



What is it with bad teams getting in throwdown brawls? I mean, it beats actually watching them attempt to play football, but still. (Jets 16, Titans 11)

The hell was that? They keep showing Huff but that's at least 50 percent on Smith, right? Well that was the worst start possible. That's three third downs the Cowboys have converted so far. The Eagles have done absolutely nothing right. That flag was later than the one in the 2002 national championship game. I am enjoying the separate clock measuring the Eagles' play-running speed. But that's about it. Well there's no home field advantage at Jerryworld, so it makes sense that they'd be better on the road. This defense can't stop anything. Cary just got flagged for illegal contact and gave the Cowboys another first down. Now he's mad and he's due to do something really stupid soon. Fletcher can't cover Dez one-on-one and it's not fair to ask him to do that. Bradley Cooper in the house. Hey, an Eagles first down! Huff's having a rough rookie year. Hopefully it gets better. Even Al and Cris are skeptical of this Scandrick injury. Let's see if this turns into anything. Guess not. Hey a Zach Ertz sighting! Polk! I've noticed that Romo goes down a lot when a defender just kind of swipes past him like Barwin did there. Not sure what that means. Ertz with hops. I'm not sure what that third down play was. Nobody had anything there.


And this is why this game is over — the Eagles' defense has absolutely nothing tonight. You can't come back on a good team if you can't get stops. Romo was two yards across the line of scrimmage. Remember that stupid thing I predicted Cary would do? There it is. Romo got sacked by his own lineman. Oh, God, not another one. Oh, wait, this one's on the offense, and rightly so, he pushed off  twice.


Watch Maclin try to follow Matthews and watch Matthews try to give him a block. Also, look! Cowboys fans hate their secondary just as much as Eagles fans hate theirs! COMMON BONDS.


Oh no! Wait, was he down? They're not going to stop the Cowboys from throwing this challenge flag — they've got too far to go.


It'll stand. Polk again. This just got interesting. Fumble? Tuck rule? Fumble! That's nine sacks for Curry, who doesn't even start. Romo had five days to throw it, too, before that. Man, Sanchez had that if he'd kept it. Hey, a Darren Sproles sighting! This is... only partially unbelievable. Meanwhile, my governor (who, for the record, I never voted for) is in Jerry's box. What the hell, man. Two guys got turned around on that inside curl to Dez. And the Cowboys get a badly-needed touchdown. Oh, that won't help. Bad Sanchez pass gets tipped, juggled and finally intercepted. Why aren't they helping Fletcher? They know how bad he is. "Sideline interference"? What? That's such a Cowboys penalty when you think about it. Gotta throw a better ball there, Sanchez. This is a fumble. There's no one in the middle of the field. I'm with Cris — I wouldn't throw a pass here. Just run for 5 yards or so because Bailey never misses. That sack will end it. (Cowboys 38, Eagles 27)

Is it raining? That's on Bennett — you get two hands on it, catch it.


Fumble?!? Fumble! Gruden: "Two 5-8 football teams..."


Cutler's still throwing bad balls. Hey, a successful offensive play! Did he drop the snap? Oh Lord. On the one hand, Tirico's right about the backup quarterback giving you a better chance when something goes wrong like that. On the other hand, that backup quarterback is LUKE MCCOWN. Offsetting? Oh, FINE. Now watch him miss. D'OH! How do you get sacked on a screen pass?


Funny how this is exactly what Gruden talked about in the pregame — both teams have started horribly. "There's no intentional grounding. However..." I"m sure that makes them feel better, ref. Hey, a second successful offensive play! Hey, a drive! Hey, a touchdown! A fake punt? And they run it with the up back? He didn't make it. And no wonder — they didn't have enough guys on the field. The false starts have Gruden incredulous. Wait, the PANTHERS are in first place? Brees has 14 straight completions? Oh, right, the Bears' defense. Stills was pretty open there. Colston's out here outmuscling dudes. Touchdown. This game feels like it's over. The Bears don't cover tight ends, apparently. It was the same play! Have the Bears crossed midfield tonight? I just came back from the bathroom and it appears that Cutler and I were doing the same thing.


Marc Mariani has been the best Bear tonight and he's the kickoff returner. They've packed it in, haven't they? That's a Bronx cheer if ever there was one. (Saints 31, Bears 15)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. New England (11-3) — Business as usual
2. Green Bay (10-4) — Fell right into the trap game
3. Denver (11-3) — Peyton needs IV's? NO PROBLEM.
4. Seattle (10-4) — Sank rivals for good

BOTTOM 4:
29. Washington (3-11) — Feels like they're ready to pack it in
30. Tennessee (2-12) — When's the last time they even won a game?
31. Tampa Bay (2-12) — Having '70s flashbacks
32. Oakland (2-12) — Business as usual
Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)