Tuesday, January 28, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Kinetic Slide

Uh-oh. Jamaal Charles is already walking off the field? That's potentially awful. Smith got chased on that 2nd and goal pass and it could have been disastrous. Bowe just got across the line. They're gonna wear Luck's arm out at this rate. It's all Hilton, all the time right now. That didn't take long. I don't know if the Chiefs kick this field goal if Charles is healthy. Then again. who knows what Andy'll ever do down here. The Colts have too many Boston College guys to be taken seriously. (Same for the Patriots and Rutgers, which I've discussed before.) So Donnie Avery outran everyone. That's two long pass plays so far. FUMBLE. Poor Trent Richardson, who's throwing up in his mouth on the sideline. (Not literally.)

SHOVEL PASS. Dump that "Song #2" remix ASAP, NBC DJ. The Colts really need Hilton to not be hurt badly if they want a shot to come back from this. Luck in the shotgun on 4th and inches? NICE. Slide! There he is. Man, somebody catch something. Andy's screen game has always been on point. Mayock's convinced the Colts' corners Davis and Toler are still hurt. He won't stop talking about it. I mean, he may be right — Toler's already left the game — but simmer down already. 31-10? That's a final. Who says the Chiefs can't score? Hilton tripped himself out of at least 10 more yards. Where was Luck going with that pass? Double coverage? That was the slowest non-fat guy return ever.

Oh, boy, that's another bad pass by Luck. Touchdown! This may officially be out of hand. Whoa! Nice catch by Rogers. Was Brown even touched? Fumble! Wait, hang on, that's pretty close to the sideline... did he have it? Yeah, I can't overturn that. Big break for the Colts.
Mentioned because Pagano appears to have Belichicked him. Here we go... this is the other thing that Luck does a lot of. These anonymous non-Hilton receivers are playing much better this half. Meanwhile, the Chiefs are running out of players. Good stop by the Colts defense after that touchdown. Uh-oh. Bad throw and everything, but it was in Hilton's hands and he couldn't hold on to it.The worst part of all of these Colt turnovers is that the Chiefs keep scoring points afterwards. Lots of big gains on this drive. That touchdown to Fleener was a bullet. There is plenty of time left in this game.


Dude's catching passes all over the place. I think this happened in their first meeting, too; just not to this destructive extent. Way to jinx Donald Brown's fumbling, Hicks. Wait, Luck did WHAT?!?!


How does no one see him? Or get to him before he crosses the goal line? The ball went backwards. Anything's possible at this point. The Chiefs are down to their third-string running back. Why are they calling time outs? That was puzzling. All that and now they're only up six with five-plus minutes left. OH MY GOD.
You know what the Chiefs could use is a couple of time outs. GROUNDING. A timeout AFTER THE TWO MINUTE WARNING? SERIOUSLY?

That was ridiculous. In every way possible. (Colts 45, Chiefs 44)

All right... let's do this.

You don't see Brees short hop a throw that often. Debris on the field? What is this, a NASCAR race? Oh, crap, did the Eagles jump on 4th and 2? NO! Spectacular. A couple of Brees' throws have been off already. Who kicked that into the end zone? CUT HIM.


OOPS. Interception! That ball kind of died up there and Stills couldn't adjust. Hey, McCoy gained yards on a carry. That hadn't happened yet. The fans are booing, which probably means the field goal team is out. Oh, it's a Saints injury that they're not buying. Bad move if it IS a fake, though — they're just giving Chip more time to decide what he wants to do. And McCoy got it anyway. Then Foles takes a bad sack and wastes the effort.

Then Henery misses a field goal that should have been 20 yards shorter than it was. Possible turnover here? He MIGHT be down. It's close. The other thing is, if he's ruled down (reversing the call), he's also short of the first down. Yep, they overturned it. Another false start? Wow. I didn't see him move on the replay. So six minutes into the second quarter and we have our first points.


I think Brees is the Saints' leading rusher so far. ANOTHER interception! They're not booing; they're saying "Coop." "American Bandstand"? Really? I think the DJ emptied his "Philadelphia" folder two weeks ago. Uh-oh, Foles is holding the ball again. Touchdown! Thank God Cooper got open.


That hold Brees begged for and got on Cox was the latest flag ever. Like, 2002 NCAA national title game late. I mean, it probably was a hold, but it's disingenuous as hell. That time the three-man rush worked. Moore on the touchdown was the first Saint tonight to get away from a defender after the catch. Cooper may have just dropped another touchdown, which hasn't happened very often this season. That's the first time Colston's seen the ball tonight and it won't count. Ingram's running like his job is at stake, and it kind of is. Did he get in? He did — you can tell from the other side. At least the Flyers just went ahead? And the Sixers are leading the Blazers by the same score IN PORTLAND. What's weird about the way this is playing out is that the Eagles' run defense was actually almost good this year. DeSean! Finally! Also he was held twice but whatever.


Touchdown McCoy. MOTOWNPHILLY. YES.

Good punt return by DeSean. Now it's the Eagles who are abusing this kid #38. And really, for a good #38 in the NFL you probably have to go all the way back to George Rogers. Oh boy. Now what? Fourth and 1 from the opponent's 6 in a six-point playoff game in the fourth quarter... I don't like kicking the field goal here. There's a false start on the field goal attempt, which pretty much settles that decision. I expect Patrick Chung to be plying his trade elsewhere next season. At least the Saints only got three out of it.


That's a BIG pass interference penalty. TOUCHDOWN. Either Jackson or Ertz was getting that one.


Horse collar on top of a big return by Sproles? Not good. It's weird having the Saints be in a position of having to prove something but here we are. Where'd this Robinson guy come from? Damn it. The worst part is the Saints are almost too far away from the end zone for the Eagles to just let them score. Think about this, Saints. Do you REALLY want to go back to Seattle? THINK ABOUT THIS.

And that's that. Well, that was fun while it lasted. (Saints 26, Eagles 24)

What, they couldn't get Ken Anderson to do the game intro with Fouts? I mean, I know Boomer's on staff but he wasn't in that game. (Was he even in college yet?) So this Green kid on the Chargers is their other tight end, yet I don't think he ever lines up as one. This drive feels like someone's picking at a scab, which would make the Wood head touchdown drawing blood. Wow, Dalton missed Bernard badly on that one.


Obligatory chili montage. And Rivers misses Allen badly to counter.

Dalton almost got plastered on that touchdown pass, and Gresham almost didn't catch it. I should mention at some point that the Chargers have lost their starting center, which makes this about the 5,791st offensive line combination they've used this season. And King Dunlap had a really good year, which is stunning to me. Really, McCoy? That's the kind of low-reward, doomed-to-fail challenge that Marvin usually pulls.

Nice catch on the sideline by Jones again. Nooooo Gio! Wait, was he down? Oh, OK, he definitely wasn't — I'm asking the wrong question. Yeah, turning and taking two steps is a football move. Hey, they got it right! Good job, sirs. Fans are booing and the clock's running. Oh, he didn't go forward? That's a rule? I did not know that. Why are they reviewing the catch? This actually benefits the Bengals because it stops the clock, and even more if it's an incomplete pass because they should get those eight seconds or whatever back. So it's a catch.

So the spike DOESN'T COUNT? Now they have to kick this, like, immediately. Is Shannon Sharpe wearing purple velvet? Punting at midfield isn't appreciably better, Bengals. The Chargers are walking down this field and now they have the lead back. Dumb dive, Dalton, whether this is a fumble or not. I mean, that's WHY you slide, so nothing can happen to you. It's a fumble, and he would have been short of the first down even if it hadn't been. Like I said, dumb dive. Hey, it's raining. The blitz caused that interception. Wait, James Harrison just committed a needlessly stupid and dangerous penalty? That's never happened before. That's a semi-critical stop by Maualuga. I say semi-critical because the Bengals' offense has done absolutely nothing this half. I mean, A.J. Green has three catches.
More field goals! Oh. That's just a bad everything by Dalton.




Wow. Green had double coverage beaten and still couldn't hang on. That's the way things have gone for the Bengals today. And the fourth down throw goes five yards over the receiver's head. Shut it down. What, again? I mean, make it stop. We don't need to play these last five minutes. The Bengals aren't coming back. You know who's even more pissed right now? Steelers fans. I meant to mention this earlier but I'm a but surprised Ronnie Brown's gotten so much run in this game. Did Mathews get hurt and I missed it?


(Chargers 27, Bengals 10)


Good Lord, this field looks like a farm yard. I'm looking for feeding troughs and chicken coops. Someone got crossed up on that failed 3rd down. They're going for it? Yeah, I guess they have to — 4th and 6 from the opposing 40 is no man's land. What the... seriously? Harbaugh burns timeouts like he's the brother who coached under Andy Reid for six years. Does Kaepernick always roll left? Even on run plays? Man, Shields and Neal are already out for Green Bay. The Packers have attempted one pass so far. Kaepernick screwed that one up. And why throw in Williams' direction, anyway? They'd done so well picking on House.

And from the air, the field looks like a dirt race track. Daniel Snyder sees nothing wrong with this.


Hey, the Packers are throwing the ball now! About time, McCarthy. And Rodgers finishes it off with an actual frozen rope to Nelson. There's the big Kaepernick run that the Packers always give up. Gore lives up to his name. Buck called that Eric Reid interception like he knew it was coming back. It feels like the Packers haven't stopped throwing once they finally started. They have been mixing in the run, but it doesn't feel like they have. They may as well just run a play on third down here with the clock running. Just not THAT one. And didn't they have a time out left? Well, they got three out of it. We are seeing some historically bad timeout management and the second half just started. That was all quite ineffective. Another one? Andy Reid is shaking his head.


Other than that, this third quarter has been pretty much a non-event except for Brent Celek's little brother catching a pass and Rodgers getting sacked twice in a row. The Packers are really working the run game on this drive. WOW. How did the 49ers let Rodgers get away there? And a Kuhn run seals it. He doesn't make his money with his hops, I'll tell you that much. Attacking House was bound to yield a flag at some point. Now he's hurt?


Nice spin by Davis to catch that. Both of these guys can bring serious velocity on their throws. Getting Rodgers back these last two weeks has done so much for the Packers' offense and that's obvious, but getting Cobb back at the same time really does add another layer. That probably should have been a touchdown.


Every big run Kaepernick's had today — and against the Packers in general — has been to the left side, whether Clay's been there or not. (And it's telling that I'm only now mentioning that Clay Matthews hasn't played today.)

This ending feels... familiar. (49ers 23, Packers 20)


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