Signal Finder: TEN @ NYG, PHI @ JAX, IND @ DEN
Um, Eli... you're not left-handed. Postgame: "I don't even know what the ball was doing in my left hand, to be honest with you." This is not going well at all and it's kind of amazing the Giants are only down 10-3. Make that tied. Nice run. Wait, what? An illegal chop block in the end zone? That's a safety! And now it's all starting to come apart. Guys picking fights, shoving people around, late hits... I'm surprised Coughlin's head isn't actually on fire on the sideline. Hey, a Shawn Andrews sighting! It's the Chris Johnson diet. And now Antrel Rolle's sitting down too. Dierdorf: "Where are the other nine Giants?" Me: "On the bench." This can't continue. (Titans 29, Giants 10)
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Patriots 38, Bills 30
I don't remember where I read it, but last week someone wrote "the NCAA's proximity karma bomb went off inside Reggie Bush's leg." Apparently the shrapnel got caught in Garrett Hartley's - how do you miss from 29 yards? And that badly to boot? Calm down, Falcons. You haven't won anything yet. (Falcons 27, Saints 24, OT)
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close II: You let Peyton Hillis go off for 144? Really, Baltimore Ravens? Really? (Ravens 24, Browns 17)
Seriously, this is how Peyton vs. the Broncos always ends. (Colts 27, Broncos 13)
The flip-flop to Vick was so out of character I don't know what's going on anymore. Also, you know your game's bootleg when Ron Pitts and John Lynch are calling it. The Jaguars' pass defense is... lacking. We saw at times last year with Vick that the raw ability and athleticism were still there, and now he's in a stretch where he's putting it all together with some necessary restraint. This Cox kid is getting used and abused. Some pundits thought Jeremy Maclin was going to have a better year than DeSean Jackson and that seems to be happening right now. Man, the Jaguars are just... bad. And it's not even entertainingly bad or historically bad. They're just bad. And that'll be the end of the excitement for this game. That was easy enough, I suppose. (Eagles 28, Jaguars 3)
TANGENTIALLY RELATED: Posit: You're the Jacksonville Jaguars. Except for a surprising run to the AFC championship game in your second year of existence, you've been largely irrelevant in the grand scheme of the National Football League. Recently, you've become more known for the empty seats in your stadium and whether or not you're going to stay in town than just about anything that's happened on the field. Nobody seems to care. So don't you have to try to do something to create some kind of buzz, something to get people interested in your team again, even if it doesn't actually work? Shouldn't you have rolled the dice and at least tried to get Donovan McNabb?
I feel like this is karmic payback for Albert Haynesworth's latest losing battle with intelligence, selflessness and rational thought. Also, this might be the worst group of wide receivers McNabb's ever played with. You know how old Joey Galloway is? He's 206! (Rams 30, Redskins 16)
Seabass strikes again! That's such a Raiders way to lose. (Cardinals 24, Raiders 23)
Butch: "If only Braylon Edwards had managed that straight a line Monday night." The bigger shock there was that he caught the ball in the first place. CONTINUING TREND: This is the third straight game the Jets have allowed a 100-yard receiver. (Jets 31, Dolphins 23)
It seems like it always plays out this way: The hype focuses on the matchup between two - to this point - prolific quarterbacks, and the game turns into a defensive struggle. Don't kick it to Devin Hester. Especially if you're going to kick it that badly. The Packers have got to get a running back - Brandon Jackson's not cutting it. It's kind of unbelievable how many points have been left on the field in this game - the holding penalty that took away the Finley touchdown, followed by the blocked field goal, then the Bears deciding to throw a pass on 4th and goal from the 1 instead of kicking a chip shot to tie the game. Again: DON'T KICK IT TO DEVIN HESTER. That was a reminder in case everyone forgot. Not from me, from him. Let's see how they react. Intercepted. No? Roughing the passer? And two minutes later it's a tie game. FUMBLE. Put that challenge flag away, McCarthy; you've got no shot at this one. That is definitely pass interference and led directly to the interception to boot. Now they've gotta get the ball back. This... is probably not optimal strategy. I feel like NFL teams should hire someone whose sole responsibility is clock management. Whether it's spending the week designing strategies or just being in a booth somewhere making decisions and recommending challenges on the fly. I mean, there are about three head coaches who aren't terrible at it and I don't even know who they are. Why kick it now? You didn't kick it the first time!? The last seven minutes for the Packers were an absolute horror show. The Bears are 3-0? (Bears 20, Packers 17)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL: Whiskey (0-3, L3): This is getting ridiculous. Chad Henne is off the street and in as starting quarterback.
JackSux 7 (1-2, W1): Yay! Had to hold off a late rally from Original Pulp Heroes, but I've finally won a game this year.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: Car Crash Theater
Signal Finder: PHI @ DET, PIT @ TEN, NE @ NYJ
And now it's two straight weeks of teams Eagles fans never see. Let's see how this goes. Pass protection's going to be an issue this season, I can see it now. That was pretty good. CONTINUING TREND: The Eagles can't cover tight ends. This Jahvid Best has some moves. Screen pass is right out of the Eagles' playbook. Yeah, he's gone. I knew he was good; I didn't realize he was that good. Vick's been running for his life back there so far - good thing he's good at it. And Vick gets away AGAIN. Touchdown! Still with the penalties? Disappointing. You know whose name I've barely heard today is Calvin Johnson, and that's part of why the Lions have given up 28 straight points. Still, there's finally talent on that side, though I'm not sold on the coaching quite yet. Yeah, I spoke too soon about CJ. Your hands got you onto this team, Riley Cooper! Don't let us down now! wipes brow Good thing this was Week 2 and not Week 12. ERNIE SIMS WINS. (Eagles 35, Lions 32)
CHICANERY RULES! Vince Young taking that double Rock Bottom was pretty wild. This is some ugly football. Ah jeez, now Dixon's hurt? Mark Malone's two phone calls away. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Where's Young? Benched? Kerry Collins? Oh, that went well. Someone tell him his career's over. That's your last play? Really? (Steelers 19, Titans 11)
The Bears are answering back well after the Cowboys go ahead. Didn't the Cowboys' defense have a three- or four-game stretch last season where they didn't force a single turnover? Jay: "Down by three, ball at the opponents' 38, and you're PUNTING?" Well, their kicker's not very good. You know who's been good today is Jay Cutler. How do the Cowboys have probably the three best running backs in their division and yet run the ball so poorly? I mean, Romo threw 51 passes. That's a recipe for disaster for anybody. Not that I'm not enjoying the Cowboys crumble under the weight of their own unrealistic expectations. (Bears 27, Cowboys 20)
This rivalry now is better than it was in the early 2000's because the Jets are actually capable of winning the game on the field now. You know who's still good is LaDanian Tomlinson. Better catch: Moss or Hester? I vote Moss's because he made it look so effortless. I guess the solution for Mark Sanchez is to just toss them up there like it's a volleyball. He was throwing some serious floaters and they were getting caught. This may not have happened if the Pats had kept Richard Seymour. (Jets 28, Patriots 14)
This is what I imagine Shanahan said to Kubiak at midfield afterwards: "Nice win. Don't ever steal my move again." (Texans 30, Redskins 27, OT)
I see this ending the same way the first one did. The Giants are sputtering. The Colts... aren't. The Giants' tackles are getting used and abused and Eli's paying the price. Oh, this is getting out of hand. What the... WHY IS THERE A HELMET IN THE CROWD?! I feel like they've gotta get it back. Hey, there's something. Now the Giants need a stop... and they get it. Let's see what happens now. Oh. Never mind then. Has anyone seen Brandon Jacobs since the helmet incident? OK, I was wrong. It didn't end the same way the first one did. This one was much, much worse. (Colts 38, Giants 14)
Safety! Um, isn't that why you pay Frank Gore? Oh man. Is anyone having a worse month than Reggie Bush? The 49ers are throwing away chances like the Vikings did in last year's NFC title game. And you see that? Three possessions later it's an eight-point game. Wait, they've got a shot at this, and they got down the field in no time, too. TOUCHDOWN. They'll go for two now, obviously. I don't think the ball's across the plane. Well, wait a minute... this latest shot shows that it probably is across, but I can't tell. WOW. As I've said before, that's why I don't have that job - I couldn't have overturned it. The downside is, they've left the Saints with entirely too much time. Way to get your head in the game, Shockey. It's GOOD! Did somebody get a piece of that? (Yes.) The best teams figure out ways to survive games like this. (Saints 25, 49ers 22)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa (0-2, L2): Here's all you need to know: Not only did my backup quarterback outscore Brett Favre, my backup quarterback is Ben Roethlisberger.
JackSux 7 (0-2, L2): Johnny had Best. You can guess the ending.
And now it's two straight weeks of teams Eagles fans never see. Let's see how this goes. Pass protection's going to be an issue this season, I can see it now. That was pretty good. CONTINUING TREND: The Eagles can't cover tight ends. This Jahvid Best has some moves. Screen pass is right out of the Eagles' playbook. Yeah, he's gone. I knew he was good; I didn't realize he was that good. Vick's been running for his life back there so far - good thing he's good at it. And Vick gets away AGAIN. Touchdown! Still with the penalties? Disappointing. You know whose name I've barely heard today is Calvin Johnson, and that's part of why the Lions have given up 28 straight points. Still, there's finally talent on that side, though I'm not sold on the coaching quite yet. Yeah, I spoke too soon about CJ. Your hands got you onto this team, Riley Cooper! Don't let us down now! wipes brow Good thing this was Week 2 and not Week 12. ERNIE SIMS WINS. (Eagles 35, Lions 32)
CHICANERY RULES! Vince Young taking that double Rock Bottom was pretty wild. This is some ugly football. Ah jeez, now Dixon's hurt? Mark Malone's two phone calls away. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Where's Young? Benched? Kerry Collins? Oh, that went well. Someone tell him his career's over. That's your last play? Really? (Steelers 19, Titans 11)
The Bears are answering back well after the Cowboys go ahead. Didn't the Cowboys' defense have a three- or four-game stretch last season where they didn't force a single turnover? Jay: "Down by three, ball at the opponents' 38, and you're PUNTING?" Well, their kicker's not very good. You know who's been good today is Jay Cutler. How do the Cowboys have probably the three best running backs in their division and yet run the ball so poorly? I mean, Romo threw 51 passes. That's a recipe for disaster for anybody. Not that I'm not enjoying the Cowboys crumble under the weight of their own unrealistic expectations. (Bears 27, Cowboys 20)
This rivalry now is better than it was in the early 2000's because the Jets are actually capable of winning the game on the field now. You know who's still good is LaDanian Tomlinson. Better catch: Moss or Hester? I vote Moss's because he made it look so effortless. I guess the solution for Mark Sanchez is to just toss them up there like it's a volleyball. He was throwing some serious floaters and they were getting caught. This may not have happened if the Pats had kept Richard Seymour. (Jets 28, Patriots 14)
This is what I imagine Shanahan said to Kubiak at midfield afterwards: "Nice win. Don't ever steal my move again." (Texans 30, Redskins 27, OT)
I see this ending the same way the first one did. The Giants are sputtering. The Colts... aren't. The Giants' tackles are getting used and abused and Eli's paying the price. Oh, this is getting out of hand. What the... WHY IS THERE A HELMET IN THE CROWD?! I feel like they've gotta get it back. Hey, there's something. Now the Giants need a stop... and they get it. Let's see what happens now. Oh. Never mind then. Has anyone seen Brandon Jacobs since the helmet incident? OK, I was wrong. It didn't end the same way the first one did. This one was much, much worse. (Colts 38, Giants 14)
Safety! Um, isn't that why you pay Frank Gore? Oh man. Is anyone having a worse month than Reggie Bush? The 49ers are throwing away chances like the Vikings did in last year's NFC title game. And you see that? Three possessions later it's an eight-point game. Wait, they've got a shot at this, and they got down the field in no time, too. TOUCHDOWN. They'll go for two now, obviously. I don't think the ball's across the plane. Well, wait a minute... this latest shot shows that it probably is across, but I can't tell. WOW. As I've said before, that's why I don't have that job - I couldn't have overturned it. The downside is, they've left the Saints with entirely too much time. Way to get your head in the game, Shockey. It's GOOD! Did somebody get a piece of that? (Yes.) The best teams figure out ways to survive games like this. (Saints 25, 49ers 22)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa (0-2, L2): Here's all you need to know: Not only did my backup quarterback outscore Brett Favre, my backup quarterback is Ben Roethlisberger.
JackSux 7 (0-2, L2): Johnny had Best. You can guess the ending.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 1: Rocks of Gibraltar
That was quick and possibly way too easy. Did somebody fall down there? What happened to the game? Oh, our cable and Internet are out. Let's go the highlights. The Vikings' receivers are struggling. Things just seem off. I mean, usually the defenses start out ahead of the offenses in preseason, but the gap's not usually this large by Week 1. Maybe it's the shorter week. This sure isn't last year. Not yet, anyway. (Saints 14, Vikings 9)
Signal Finder: CAR @ NYG, CIN @ NE, MIA @ BUF (end), GB @ PHI, AZ @ STL (end)
Arian Foster? Really? (More on him later.) I'm not sure if this represents a shift or not yet. Get back to me when the season's over. But even by itself, this was massive. (Texans 34, Colts 24)
It looks... pretty much the same. First observation: FOX's new score ticker is way too small.
Matt Moore, ladies and gentlemen... Matt Moore. Stay down, Grant. Stay down! That's a key reversal. Nice catch by Nicks. Did the Giants inherit the Steelers' kick-coverage units from last year? There's another big kickoff return by Carolina. That wasn't an easy throw by Moore so I'll give him credit for that. The Giants' punter is struggling. If I've told you once, Eli, I've told you a thousand times: You didn't get that contract with your feet. That sneak was about as bad as the one in the Eagles playoff game. Try covering The Original Steve Smith please. I mean, it's just not a good situation when your second-leading receiver is your third-string running back. Wait, do they really have a Scott Norwood jersey on display in the Legends Club? That is COLD. Seriously, it's like Jake Delhomme never left. (Giants 31, Panthers 18)
I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Buccaneers 17, Browns 14
Here's the worst thing about the blown call at the end of the Lions-Bears game: Even if you go by the rule they cited, Johnson had already completed the catch. The rule doesn't need to be changed, just applied properly, which it wasn't in this case. Poor Matthew Stafford. (Bears 19, Lions 14)
Hey, a Wes Welker sighting! *applauds respectfully* The Bengals have a good defense and the Patriots are cutting it up like it's nothing. Oh, it's starting to get ugly in all phases now. No on e was even close to tackling Guyton on that interception return. Well, Cincy's trying to make a game of it. I guess the Patriots scored again because I'm now watching Dolphins-Bills. (Patriots 38, Bengals 24)
Ah, same old Raiders. (Titans 38, Raiders 13)
Apparently Reid's calling the Packers' offensive plays also. I like these uniforms. You can actually tell they're green. These offenses look sluggish. Oh my God. Friends, the human knee is not meant to bend in that direction. I gotta go back to Napoleon McCallum to find one that bad. The Eagles' blitz pickups have been awful so far - Clay Matthews is wrecking people like Lawrence Taylor in his prime. Like... right there. Ouch. Are the Packers actually gonna try this? 56 yards! Props. CONTINUING TREND: The Eagles giving up points just before the half. A concussion for Kolb? What, did they screw up the first diagnosis? Because I saw that hit and he went back out after they said it was his jaw. Ah, well. Let's see what Vick can do. That's a good start. Shame the Eagles have given up 20 unanswered points, which has also caused the running game to grind to a halt, along with Weaver's absence. Why's Brandon Jackson getting all this run? Not a good throw by Rodgers on the Allen interception. I'm tempted to think Reid should have waited until the five-minute mark to start using his time outs but it's not his worst clock-management performance ever. Well that was telegraphed. This result was expected. The path taken was disturbing. Dad: "WHO IS THE QB NEXT WEEK?" Me: "God only knows." (Packers 27, Eagles 20)
The fact that the Redskins are wearing the burgundy jerseys, which happens twice a year tops, makes this look even stranger than it already would have. I find it strange that NBC would choose to show us the first meeting between these teams last season... oh, wait, it's not? Are you sure? Bigger news than the idea that the Redskins don't have anyone who can cover Miles Austin is that the Cowboys don't seem to have anyone who can cover anyone - Santana Moss has been running wild out there. Well, as much as one can run wild in a 3-0 game. Why aren't they just taking a knee here? WHAT WAS THAT. Phillips, to Andrea Kremer: "You gotta just take a knee there." Aren't you the head coach? Can't you tell them to take a knee? On a related note, has anyone's coaching star fallen as far as fast as Jason Garrett's? I will say I'm enjoying Andre Gurode's Long-Awaited Revenge. OK, we've established that you don't have anyone who can cover Austin, but you could at least try. Wow, Roy caught a pass! A flag? HOLDING? Dear Lord that's fantastic. And just think, Doug Free was the Cowboys offensive lineman everyone was concerned about. (Redskins 13, Cowboys 7)
There's been a lot of this this weekend. We'll just wait a bit. Yep, still looks the same as it did yesterday. Most of the time, new/renovated football stadiums don't usually have the same "wow" factor on TV or in person like baseball stadiums do, probably because you can play around more in baseball with walls and field dimensions and architecture and all that. Nick Folk found work? I'm stunned. Wait, wasn't the field goal unit on just now? Did Cundiff miss another one? Ohhhhhh. The Jets ran into the kicker. And it was like fourth and 1 so it's a first down and Harbaugh took the points off the board. It would help Sanchez a lot more if Shonn Greene could hold on to the ball. We've got a defensive struggle on our hands, people, and we shouldn't be too surprised by that. What we should be surprised about is how bad the Jets' defense has been on third downs. It doesn't seem like Flacco's thrown 33 passes. Wait, what? Did Ray Lewis hit Dustin Keller so hard that he forgot how to count to ten? Ray Rice: "HBO is not going to win the Super Bowl." (Ravens 10, Jets 9)
How'd the Chiefs score this spot? The Jamaal Charles run shows you something they just didn't have last year. Remember last year when I was astounded by how slow the Chiefs were? With Charles, Arenas and McClusker in key skill/speed spots, that's not the case anymore. In the future, the Chargers might want to try kicking away from the kids. They look disjointed and Rivers is furious. Is this happening? Some horrible tackling on the big pass to Floyd. There were three Chiefs covering Gates on the final play. I think they miss Vincent Jackson. I also think it's September and things like this happens to the Chargers in September. (Chiefs 21, Chargers 14)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (0-1, L1): So, yeah... I left Arian Foster on my bench. And yet I was only down by seven going into the Monday night doubleheader. I'm not sure if that says more about my team or more about the Special Crocs. I ended up losing by 14.
JackSux 7 (0-1, L1): A good effort against Dupin. Just not good enough.
Signal Finder: CAR @ NYG, CIN @ NE, MIA @ BUF (end), GB @ PHI, AZ @ STL (end)
Arian Foster? Really? (More on him later.) I'm not sure if this represents a shift or not yet. Get back to me when the season's over. But even by itself, this was massive. (Texans 34, Colts 24)
It looks... pretty much the same. First observation: FOX's new score ticker is way too small.
Matt Moore, ladies and gentlemen... Matt Moore. Stay down, Grant. Stay down! That's a key reversal. Nice catch by Nicks. Did the Giants inherit the Steelers' kick-coverage units from last year? There's another big kickoff return by Carolina. That wasn't an easy throw by Moore so I'll give him credit for that. The Giants' punter is struggling. If I've told you once, Eli, I've told you a thousand times: You didn't get that contract with your feet. That sneak was about as bad as the one in the Eagles playoff game. Try covering The Original Steve Smith please. I mean, it's just not a good situation when your second-leading receiver is your third-string running back. Wait, do they really have a Scott Norwood jersey on display in the Legends Club? That is COLD. Seriously, it's like Jake Delhomme never left. (Giants 31, Panthers 18)
I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Buccaneers 17, Browns 14
Here's the worst thing about the blown call at the end of the Lions-Bears game: Even if you go by the rule they cited, Johnson had already completed the catch. The rule doesn't need to be changed, just applied properly, which it wasn't in this case. Poor Matthew Stafford. (Bears 19, Lions 14)
Hey, a Wes Welker sighting! *applauds respectfully* The Bengals have a good defense and the Patriots are cutting it up like it's nothing. Oh, it's starting to get ugly in all phases now. No on e was even close to tackling Guyton on that interception return. Well, Cincy's trying to make a game of it. I guess the Patriots scored again because I'm now watching Dolphins-Bills. (Patriots 38, Bengals 24)
Ah, same old Raiders. (Titans 38, Raiders 13)
Apparently Reid's calling the Packers' offensive plays also. I like these uniforms. You can actually tell they're green. These offenses look sluggish. Oh my God. Friends, the human knee is not meant to bend in that direction. I gotta go back to Napoleon McCallum to find one that bad. The Eagles' blitz pickups have been awful so far - Clay Matthews is wrecking people like Lawrence Taylor in his prime. Like... right there. Ouch. Are the Packers actually gonna try this? 56 yards! Props. CONTINUING TREND: The Eagles giving up points just before the half. A concussion for Kolb? What, did they screw up the first diagnosis? Because I saw that hit and he went back out after they said it was his jaw. Ah, well. Let's see what Vick can do. That's a good start. Shame the Eagles have given up 20 unanswered points, which has also caused the running game to grind to a halt, along with Weaver's absence. Why's Brandon Jackson getting all this run? Not a good throw by Rodgers on the Allen interception. I'm tempted to think Reid should have waited until the five-minute mark to start using his time outs but it's not his worst clock-management performance ever. Well that was telegraphed. This result was expected. The path taken was disturbing. Dad: "WHO IS THE QB NEXT WEEK?" Me: "God only knows." (Packers 27, Eagles 20)
The fact that the Redskins are wearing the burgundy jerseys, which happens twice a year tops, makes this look even stranger than it already would have. I find it strange that NBC would choose to show us the first meeting between these teams last season... oh, wait, it's not? Are you sure? Bigger news than the idea that the Redskins don't have anyone who can cover Miles Austin is that the Cowboys don't seem to have anyone who can cover anyone - Santana Moss has been running wild out there. Well, as much as one can run wild in a 3-0 game. Why aren't they just taking a knee here? WHAT WAS THAT. Phillips, to Andrea Kremer: "You gotta just take a knee there." Aren't you the head coach? Can't you tell them to take a knee? On a related note, has anyone's coaching star fallen as far as fast as Jason Garrett's? I will say I'm enjoying Andre Gurode's Long-Awaited Revenge. OK, we've established that you don't have anyone who can cover Austin, but you could at least try. Wow, Roy caught a pass! A flag? HOLDING? Dear Lord that's fantastic. And just think, Doug Free was the Cowboys offensive lineman everyone was concerned about. (Redskins 13, Cowboys 7)
There's been a lot of this this weekend. We'll just wait a bit. Yep, still looks the same as it did yesterday. Most of the time, new/renovated football stadiums don't usually have the same "wow" factor on TV or in person like baseball stadiums do, probably because you can play around more in baseball with walls and field dimensions and architecture and all that. Nick Folk found work? I'm stunned. Wait, wasn't the field goal unit on just now? Did Cundiff miss another one? Ohhhhhh. The Jets ran into the kicker. And it was like fourth and 1 so it's a first down and Harbaugh took the points off the board. It would help Sanchez a lot more if Shonn Greene could hold on to the ball. We've got a defensive struggle on our hands, people, and we shouldn't be too surprised by that. What we should be surprised about is how bad the Jets' defense has been on third downs. It doesn't seem like Flacco's thrown 33 passes. Wait, what? Did Ray Lewis hit Dustin Keller so hard that he forgot how to count to ten? Ray Rice: "HBO is not going to win the Super Bowl." (Ravens 10, Jets 9)
How'd the Chiefs score this spot? The Jamaal Charles run shows you something they just didn't have last year. Remember last year when I was astounded by how slow the Chiefs were? With Charles, Arenas and McClusker in key skill/speed spots, that's not the case anymore. In the future, the Chargers might want to try kicking away from the kids. They look disjointed and Rivers is furious. Is this happening? Some horrible tackling on the big pass to Floyd. There were three Chiefs covering Gates on the final play. I think they miss Vincent Jackson. I also think it's September and things like this happens to the Chargers in September. (Chiefs 21, Chargers 14)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (0-1, L1): So, yeah... I left Arian Foster on my bench. And yet I was only down by seven going into the Monday night doubleheader. I'm not sure if that says more about my team or more about the Special Crocs. I ended up losing by 14.
JackSux 7 (0-1, L1): A good effort against Dupin. Just not good enough.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Fearful Forecast 2010
NFC EAST (If it's possible for all four of these teams to somehow finish 9-7, I wouldn't bet against it)
(3) Dallas - I'm hesitant to do this, because we've seen over the past few years that the Cowboys do not hold up well when faced with high expectations (I firmly believe that they were successful last year in no small part because everyone had gotten fed up and written them off). But even with the questions about the reshuffled offensive line and whether or not Miles Austin was a one-year wonder or not, I'm having trouble making a case against them.
N.Y. Giants - I want to think they can bounce back, because they can't be any worse defensively than they were last year and the last time Tom Coughlin's back was against the wall like it is now, they won the Super Bowl. You have to wonder if they can pull that off again, though.
Washington - There's yet another new sheriff and quarterback in town, but Mike Shanahan and Donovan McNabb come in with better credentials than guys Dan Snyder's used to hiring. However, the ongoing Albert Haynesworth foolishness threatens to bring the whole thing crashing down.
Philadelphia - It's a bad sign when you're trading starting offensive linemen in and out eight days before the season starts, especially when said line is protecting a quarterback who's started all of two games. Add continuing uncertainty on defense and a brutally back-loaded schedule and it could be the longest 8-8 season ever.
NFC NORTH (A palace coup may be coming)
(2) Minnesota - I highly doubt Brett Favre will throw only seven interceptions again, especially with Sidney Rice out for half the season and Percy Harvin's head seemingly ready to explode at any time. I'm also less sure his body will be able to hold up. But Adrian Peterson should be motivated to prove he's over his late-season butterfingers and is still the best running back in the league, and the defense is still good enough to give them the edge.
(5) Green Bay - They're on the cusp and they know it. And especially with "ZOMG BRETT FAVRE PLAYS FOR OUR MOST HATED RIVAL" now out of the way, Aaron Rodgers can get on with the vital business of taking that final step to elite status, which means beating the Vikings. Also, their overall defense needs to improve.
Chicago - The desperate Bears made big splashes in free agency, but it turned out to be a pretty weak crop of free agents. Julius Peppers should give the defense a kick, but will new offensive coordinator Mike Martz's pass-happy offense play in Chicago? And will Jay Cutler and the offensive line let it?
Detroit - The road (back?) to respectability is long, but they've been steadily adding actual NFL players to a roster that hasn't seen many in recent years. Coach Jim Schwatrz and quarterback Matthew Stafford are still growing into their roles.
NFC SOUTH (Now it's time to break a streak)
(1) New Orleans - I'm struggling to remember a defending champ that's been as overlooked going into the following season as the Saints are. Offensively, they've lost little firepower, defensively, they've lost little aggressiveness, and I don't see this group resting on its laurels. There is that little thing about this division never having a repeat winner since its creation, but all streaks end. The only thing that can stop them is the Madden curse.
(6) Atlanta - Case in point. The Falcons have already defied convention by having back-to-back winning seasons for the first time ever. Now they want to get back to the playoffs. A lot of people have them winning the South, but even though they're better - especially in the secondary - they still aren't better than the Saints.
Carolina - There may be no bigger gap at any position on any team in the NFL than the one between Steve Smith and whoever the Panthers' No. 2 receiver actually is. They'll miss Peppers on defense more than they'll care to admit. If there's any chance for success here, they should lean on what's still a top-class running game and not try to let Matt Moore loose... look at how well that worked with Jake Delhomme.
Tampa Bay - Things are much calmer in Tampa than they were at this time last year when assistants were getting fired left and right, and that can only be a good thing for a young team that can't really have any expectations this season. The Buccaneers will still be bad, but it'll be a more hopeful bad than last year was, if that makes any sense.
NFC WEST (The Bay Area actually survives a seismic shift)
(4) San Francisco - Once again, the West is the 49ers' division to lose, but this edition won't remind anyone of the glory days at the Park Formerly Known As Candlestick. On the up side, Alex Smith isn't looking over his shoulder any more and the team seems to be buying what coach Mike Singletary's selling.
Seattle - Me, on the Raiders last year: "Hey, somebody's got to finish second. Of course, 'second' could be 6-10." I worry that "Pete Carroll, head coach" is the NFL's equivalent of "Javier Vazquez, starting pitcher for the New York Yankees." Also, does Deion Branch have Paul Allen on video with goats or breaking into Apple headquarters or something?
Arizona - The Cardinals are replacing retired quarterback Kurt Warner with Derek Anderson, who - and I cannot stress this enough - the Cleveland Browns couldn't get rid of fast enough. The Super Bowl losers' curse appears to have come one year late.
St. Louis - Starting over is hard. Especially when you're starting almost from scratch. Steven Jackson is a welcome sight in the backfield for rookie quarterback Sam Bradford, not to mention the Rams' only hope of not being a complete embarrassment.
AFC EAST (The mood is about to change)
(3) New England - The Patriots hear all the talk coming out of New York and are still licking their own wounds from the playoff spanking the Ravens gave them. Even though I think Bill Belichick slipped a bit last season and their running game leaves a lot to be desired, the Patriots still won the division and shouldn't have any trouble finding motivation. Finding a pass rush? That's another story.
(6) N.Y. Jets - Anybody else feel like they're setting themselves up for a fall here? We saw this before when they made the playoffs in Eric Mangini's first season before tumbling to Earth, and it wasn't as loud back then as it has been with Rex Ryan in charge. Now that the ferry to Revis Island is back in service, the big question here is Mark Sanchez, who didn't have a good preseason by any measure.
Miami - This was a tough call, leaving them out of the playoffs. Chad Henne showed flashes when he was pressed into action (and he probably would have been the starter this season anyway) and Brandon Marshall was a good pickup, but I look at the Dolphins and I feel like there's still something missing. I can't put my finger on it. Still, they'll be in the mix, and expect the AFC wild card race to be every bit the battle royale it was last year.
Buffalo - There's so little to like here that I'm not even sure what to say anymore. I mean, you can count the number of things the Bills have done right in the past decade on one hand. The Chan Gailey hiring inspires little confidence, as does Trent Edwards at quarterback. They won six games last year mostly because of their defense, and their defensive coordinator... now works for the Giants, who know firsthand how much difference a good coordinator makes.
AFC NORTH (Someone left the windows open)
(1) Baltimore - I'm not sure I get the late addition of T.J. Houshwhateverhisnameis but he's yet another guy who should help Joe Flacco not lose his cool in big spots. The Ravens expect to find themselves in a lot of big spots, so that'll be crucial. A concern? The back of their defense, which is being held together with duct tape and cheap rope at the moment.
(5) Cincinnati - Of the rest of the contenders, the Bengals probably have the most balance between run and pass and offense and defense. But all eyes will be focused on the T.O. and Chad Show, and I'm a bit skeptical how much those two no-longer elite receivers really have left.
Pittsburgh - Little Ben finally crossed the line and now Big Ben must pay for his sins. But the Steelers may still have a run in them if they can survive September without him and if their defense doesn't age 10 years overnight. They also need to work on their special teams coverage units, which were laughably bad last season.
Cleveland - The Browns did well to win their final four games last season - and likely saved Eric Mangini's job - in spite of the utter lack of talent on the roster. It isn't much better this season, though Joshua Cribbs did get paid.
AFC SOUTH (There's a mountain you've got to climb)
(2) Indianapolis - The Colts are secretly extremely thankful that Reggie Wayne didn't win the voting for the cover of Madden 11 because I shudder to think what would have happened to him. We've seen things happen to teams thought "too good" to fall victim to the Super Bowl losers' curse, but short of what happened to Tom Brady two years ago happening to Peyton Manning, I can't make that call here.
Tennessee - Chris Johnson set an almost impossibly high bar last season, and he didn't even really start lifting it until Vince Young took over at quarterback and the Titans committed to running the ball. More will be asked of Young this year with defenses focusing on Johnson, and his success will determine what happens to the Titans.
Houston - As if their past inability to beat the Colts wasn't enough, the Texans - who have been the "team of the future" for about five years running - now face issues with their running game and secondary.
Jacksonville - The struggle here remains getting people to care. Coach Jack Del Rio almost fled for USC before deciding to stay, which may not have been a wise move considering he's got to get the Jaguars back on the winning track, if for no other reason than to put people in the seats. I can only assume Maurice Jones-Drew drafted himself No. 1 overall in fantasy.
AFC WEST (Let's not get ahead of ourselves)
(4) San Diego - It's been an offseason of great turmoil in Chargerland as some guys have left and others don't want to come back until they get a lot more money than they're getting right now. But even without Vincent Jackson and Marcus McNeil, there's too much talent here to say the Chargers aren't going to win the division. By the way, Philip Rivers is very good.
Oakland - Jason Campbell is an upgrade over JaMarcus Russell. Unfortunately for the Raiders, some of the people reading this would also be an upgrade over JaMarcus Russell. Throw in a running game full of question marks, an underachieving and underdeveloped receiving corps, a good tight end, and a coach in way over his head and Campbell could be wondering if he actually left the Redskins.
Denver - The only constant these days is change. Josh McDaniels has hitched his wagon to the Tim Tebow star, but the wheels probably won't start turning for a couple years until he's ready to play. In the meantime, the most nondescript Broncos team in recent memory will try to keep their now-annual late-season collapse from being too damaging while the rest of the league tries to figure out what, exactly, the grand plan is here.
Kansas City - Let's stop with the idea some pundits have that the Chiefs can make a run at a wild-card spot. Seriously. Just stop. Now that that's out of the way, there is some reason for optimism - people are calling Eric Berry the next Ed Reed, the Jamaal Charles/Thomas Jones running back platoon should be fun, and the reunion of Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel on Todd Haley's staff makes for an intriguing second chance for two guys with something to prove.
WILD CARD
Atlanta over Dallas; Green Bay over San Francisco
Cincinnati over San Diego; New England over N.Y. Jets
DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS
New Orleans over Atlanta; Green Bay over Minnesota
Baltimore over Cincinnati; Indianapolis over New England
CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS
Baltimore over Indianapolis
New Orleans over Green Bay
SUPER BOWL WHATEVER
New Orleans over Baltimore
(3) Dallas - I'm hesitant to do this, because we've seen over the past few years that the Cowboys do not hold up well when faced with high expectations (I firmly believe that they were successful last year in no small part because everyone had gotten fed up and written them off). But even with the questions about the reshuffled offensive line and whether or not Miles Austin was a one-year wonder or not, I'm having trouble making a case against them.
N.Y. Giants - I want to think they can bounce back, because they can't be any worse defensively than they were last year and the last time Tom Coughlin's back was against the wall like it is now, they won the Super Bowl. You have to wonder if they can pull that off again, though.
Washington - There's yet another new sheriff and quarterback in town, but Mike Shanahan and Donovan McNabb come in with better credentials than guys Dan Snyder's used to hiring. However, the ongoing Albert Haynesworth foolishness threatens to bring the whole thing crashing down.
Philadelphia - It's a bad sign when you're trading starting offensive linemen in and out eight days before the season starts, especially when said line is protecting a quarterback who's started all of two games. Add continuing uncertainty on defense and a brutally back-loaded schedule and it could be the longest 8-8 season ever.
NFC NORTH (A palace coup may be coming)
(2) Minnesota - I highly doubt Brett Favre will throw only seven interceptions again, especially with Sidney Rice out for half the season and Percy Harvin's head seemingly ready to explode at any time. I'm also less sure his body will be able to hold up. But Adrian Peterson should be motivated to prove he's over his late-season butterfingers and is still the best running back in the league, and the defense is still good enough to give them the edge.
(5) Green Bay - They're on the cusp and they know it. And especially with "ZOMG BRETT FAVRE PLAYS FOR OUR MOST HATED RIVAL" now out of the way, Aaron Rodgers can get on with the vital business of taking that final step to elite status, which means beating the Vikings. Also, their overall defense needs to improve.
Chicago - The desperate Bears made big splashes in free agency, but it turned out to be a pretty weak crop of free agents. Julius Peppers should give the defense a kick, but will new offensive coordinator Mike Martz's pass-happy offense play in Chicago? And will Jay Cutler and the offensive line let it?
Detroit - The road (back?) to respectability is long, but they've been steadily adding actual NFL players to a roster that hasn't seen many in recent years. Coach Jim Schwatrz and quarterback Matthew Stafford are still growing into their roles.
NFC SOUTH (Now it's time to break a streak)
(1) New Orleans - I'm struggling to remember a defending champ that's been as overlooked going into the following season as the Saints are. Offensively, they've lost little firepower, defensively, they've lost little aggressiveness, and I don't see this group resting on its laurels. There is that little thing about this division never having a repeat winner since its creation, but all streaks end. The only thing that can stop them is the Madden curse.
(6) Atlanta - Case in point. The Falcons have already defied convention by having back-to-back winning seasons for the first time ever. Now they want to get back to the playoffs. A lot of people have them winning the South, but even though they're better - especially in the secondary - they still aren't better than the Saints.
Carolina - There may be no bigger gap at any position on any team in the NFL than the one between Steve Smith and whoever the Panthers' No. 2 receiver actually is. They'll miss Peppers on defense more than they'll care to admit. If there's any chance for success here, they should lean on what's still a top-class running game and not try to let Matt Moore loose... look at how well that worked with Jake Delhomme.
Tampa Bay - Things are much calmer in Tampa than they were at this time last year when assistants were getting fired left and right, and that can only be a good thing for a young team that can't really have any expectations this season. The Buccaneers will still be bad, but it'll be a more hopeful bad than last year was, if that makes any sense.
NFC WEST (The Bay Area actually survives a seismic shift)
(4) San Francisco - Once again, the West is the 49ers' division to lose, but this edition won't remind anyone of the glory days at the Park Formerly Known As Candlestick. On the up side, Alex Smith isn't looking over his shoulder any more and the team seems to be buying what coach Mike Singletary's selling.
Seattle - Me, on the Raiders last year: "Hey, somebody's got to finish second. Of course, 'second' could be 6-10." I worry that "Pete Carroll, head coach" is the NFL's equivalent of "Javier Vazquez, starting pitcher for the New York Yankees." Also, does Deion Branch have Paul Allen on video with goats or breaking into Apple headquarters or something?
Arizona - The Cardinals are replacing retired quarterback Kurt Warner with Derek Anderson, who - and I cannot stress this enough - the Cleveland Browns couldn't get rid of fast enough. The Super Bowl losers' curse appears to have come one year late.
St. Louis - Starting over is hard. Especially when you're starting almost from scratch. Steven Jackson is a welcome sight in the backfield for rookie quarterback Sam Bradford, not to mention the Rams' only hope of not being a complete embarrassment.
AFC EAST (The mood is about to change)
(3) New England - The Patriots hear all the talk coming out of New York and are still licking their own wounds from the playoff spanking the Ravens gave them. Even though I think Bill Belichick slipped a bit last season and their running game leaves a lot to be desired, the Patriots still won the division and shouldn't have any trouble finding motivation. Finding a pass rush? That's another story.
(6) N.Y. Jets - Anybody else feel like they're setting themselves up for a fall here? We saw this before when they made the playoffs in Eric Mangini's first season before tumbling to Earth, and it wasn't as loud back then as it has been with Rex Ryan in charge. Now that the ferry to Revis Island is back in service, the big question here is Mark Sanchez, who didn't have a good preseason by any measure.
Miami - This was a tough call, leaving them out of the playoffs. Chad Henne showed flashes when he was pressed into action (and he probably would have been the starter this season anyway) and Brandon Marshall was a good pickup, but I look at the Dolphins and I feel like there's still something missing. I can't put my finger on it. Still, they'll be in the mix, and expect the AFC wild card race to be every bit the battle royale it was last year.
Buffalo - There's so little to like here that I'm not even sure what to say anymore. I mean, you can count the number of things the Bills have done right in the past decade on one hand. The Chan Gailey hiring inspires little confidence, as does Trent Edwards at quarterback. They won six games last year mostly because of their defense, and their defensive coordinator... now works for the Giants, who know firsthand how much difference a good coordinator makes.
AFC NORTH (Someone left the windows open)
(1) Baltimore - I'm not sure I get the late addition of T.J. Houshwhateverhisnameis but he's yet another guy who should help Joe Flacco not lose his cool in big spots. The Ravens expect to find themselves in a lot of big spots, so that'll be crucial. A concern? The back of their defense, which is being held together with duct tape and cheap rope at the moment.
(5) Cincinnati - Of the rest of the contenders, the Bengals probably have the most balance between run and pass and offense and defense. But all eyes will be focused on the T.O. and Chad Show, and I'm a bit skeptical how much those two no-longer elite receivers really have left.
Pittsburgh - Little Ben finally crossed the line and now Big Ben must pay for his sins. But the Steelers may still have a run in them if they can survive September without him and if their defense doesn't age 10 years overnight. They also need to work on their special teams coverage units, which were laughably bad last season.
Cleveland - The Browns did well to win their final four games last season - and likely saved Eric Mangini's job - in spite of the utter lack of talent on the roster. It isn't much better this season, though Joshua Cribbs did get paid.
AFC SOUTH (There's a mountain you've got to climb)
(2) Indianapolis - The Colts are secretly extremely thankful that Reggie Wayne didn't win the voting for the cover of Madden 11 because I shudder to think what would have happened to him. We've seen things happen to teams thought "too good" to fall victim to the Super Bowl losers' curse, but short of what happened to Tom Brady two years ago happening to Peyton Manning, I can't make that call here.
Tennessee - Chris Johnson set an almost impossibly high bar last season, and he didn't even really start lifting it until Vince Young took over at quarterback and the Titans committed to running the ball. More will be asked of Young this year with defenses focusing on Johnson, and his success will determine what happens to the Titans.
Houston - As if their past inability to beat the Colts wasn't enough, the Texans - who have been the "team of the future" for about five years running - now face issues with their running game and secondary.
Jacksonville - The struggle here remains getting people to care. Coach Jack Del Rio almost fled for USC before deciding to stay, which may not have been a wise move considering he's got to get the Jaguars back on the winning track, if for no other reason than to put people in the seats. I can only assume Maurice Jones-Drew drafted himself No. 1 overall in fantasy.
AFC WEST (Let's not get ahead of ourselves)
(4) San Diego - It's been an offseason of great turmoil in Chargerland as some guys have left and others don't want to come back until they get a lot more money than they're getting right now. But even without Vincent Jackson and Marcus McNeil, there's too much talent here to say the Chargers aren't going to win the division. By the way, Philip Rivers is very good.
Oakland - Jason Campbell is an upgrade over JaMarcus Russell. Unfortunately for the Raiders, some of the people reading this would also be an upgrade over JaMarcus Russell. Throw in a running game full of question marks, an underachieving and underdeveloped receiving corps, a good tight end, and a coach in way over his head and Campbell could be wondering if he actually left the Redskins.
Denver - The only constant these days is change. Josh McDaniels has hitched his wagon to the Tim Tebow star, but the wheels probably won't start turning for a couple years until he's ready to play. In the meantime, the most nondescript Broncos team in recent memory will try to keep their now-annual late-season collapse from being too damaging while the rest of the league tries to figure out what, exactly, the grand plan is here.
Kansas City - Let's stop with the idea some pundits have that the Chiefs can make a run at a wild-card spot. Seriously. Just stop. Now that that's out of the way, there is some reason for optimism - people are calling Eric Berry the next Ed Reed, the Jamaal Charles/Thomas Jones running back platoon should be fun, and the reunion of Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel on Todd Haley's staff makes for an intriguing second chance for two guys with something to prove.
WILD CARD
Atlanta over Dallas; Green Bay over San Francisco
Cincinnati over San Diego; New England over N.Y. Jets
DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS
New Orleans over Atlanta; Green Bay over Minnesota
Baltimore over Cincinnati; Indianapolis over New England
CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS
Baltimore over Indianapolis
New Orleans over Green Bay
SUPER BOWL WHATEVER
New Orleans over Baltimore
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Back in the Game
"You know what? I should start playing poker again."
That's a thought I had about a week or so ago when I realised that I needed something to do when I'm not working other than sleep, eat, kill time on Facebook, and not blog.
So I've started playing online again. And I've been amusing myself with the North American Poker League qualifying freerolls on Pokerstars. They're six-handed double shootouts - six players play until there's one left, then the survivors play for a ticket into the daily main tournament.
Something those unfamiliar with poker, especially poker that you don't actually have to pay money to play, is that players tend to do... strange things. In freerolls like this, along with bustos like myself, you have people who are just having fun and people who genuinely don't know what they're doing. So you get a lot of this:
Hand 1:
Poker Stars Freeroll No Limit Hold'em Tournament - t10/t20 Blinds - 6 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter
BTN: t1500 75 BBs
Hero (SB): t1500 75 BBs
BB: t1500 75 BBs
UTG: t1500 75 BBs
MP: t1500 75 BBs
CO: t1500 75 BBs
Pre Flop: (t30) Hero is SB with Q
K
1 fold, MP raises to t1500 all in, 4 folds
Final Pot: t50
MP wins t50
No one called in this spot, but you'd be amazed at the hands you see when people do call. So after the first hand, we're still six-handed, which is an upset in and of itself.
Two hands later I picked up Aces. (Don't worry, this doesn't end the way a poker story that starts with "...I picked up Aces" usually ends.) I raise and get three callers. The flop comes 10-8-3 with two hearts and the small blind bets. The guy next to him folds. I raise and immediately start talking to the computer screen. I'm saying out loud, "Fold. You need to fold. You really need to fold."
The next player goes all in. Now it's back to the bettor and I'm apoplectic. "You don't have anything. Trust me. Fold. Don't do this to yourself. FOLD!"
He doesn't fold either.
Poker Stars Freeroll No Limit Hold'em Tournament - t10/t20 Blinds - 6 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter
MP: t1500 75 BBs
Hero (CO): t1470 73.50 BBs
BTN: t1470 73.50 BBs
SB: t1550 77.50 BBs
BB: t1510 75.50 BBs
UTG: t1500 75 BBs
Pre Flop: (t30) Hero is CO with A A
2 folds, Hero raises to t60, BTN calls t60, SB calls t50, BB calls t40
Flop: (t240) T 8
3 (4 players)
SB bets t280, BB folds, Hero raises to t700, BTN raises to t1410 all in, SB raises to t1490 all in, Hero calls t710 all in
Turn: (t4470) 3 (3 players - 3 are all in)
River: (t4470) 2 (3 players - 3 are all in)
Final Pot: t4470
Hero shows A A (two pair, Aces and Threes)
BTN shows J 9 (a pair of Threes)
SB shows 8 4 (two pair, Eights and Threes)
Hero wins t4470
The real upset here is that my Aces held.
Now at this point, we're down to three players at my first-round table. This goes on for a while, and I soon realize that the guy on my right doesn't seem to know that he can move the bet slider to the right, or even that he can type a number in the box next to it, if he wants to bet more than the minimum on every street. I've abused this tendency of his several times to my benefit and have a decent chip lead when I get dealt two Kings on the button.
So I raise, the small blind calls and the big blind re-raises the same amount. I re-pop it (for more than the amount I raised to start with), the small blind calls and the big blind apparently figures out what that slider's for, as he moves all-in. OK, whatever. So since I have two Kings, I push all my chips in to get the third player out of the hand.
But he doesn't fold right away.
And here I go again. "Fold. Fold! You can't call this bet. You don't have me beat and you know you don't have me beat. I'm telling you this for your own good. FOLD."
I'm clearly too nice a person to play this game. I mean, I'm sitting here, yelling at the screen, knowing they can't hear me, and trying to get them to do something that I know is not in my best interest... for the second time in the match.
Poker Stars Freeroll No Limit Hold'em Tournament - t15/t30 Blinds - 3 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter
BB: t1100 36.67 BBs
Hero (BTN): t4955 165.17 BBs
SB: t2945 98.17 BBs
Pre Flop: (t45) Hero is BTN with K K
Hero raises to t100, SB calls t85, BB raises to t170, Hero raises to t390, SB calls t290, BB raises to t1100 all in, Hero raises to t4955 all in, SB calls t2555 all in
Flop: (t6990) K Q 2 (3 players - 3 are all in)
Turn: (t6990) J (3 players - 3 are all in)
River: (t6990) 3 (3 players - 3 are all in)
Final Pot: t6990
BB shows A 7 (high card Ace)
Hero shows K K (three of a kind, Kings)
SB shows Q 9 (a pair of Queens)
Hero wins t3690
Hero wins t3300
Final table, here I come.
That's a thought I had about a week or so ago when I realised that I needed something to do when I'm not working other than sleep, eat, kill time on Facebook, and not blog.
So I've started playing online again. And I've been amusing myself with the North American Poker League qualifying freerolls on Pokerstars. They're six-handed double shootouts - six players play until there's one left, then the survivors play for a ticket into the daily main tournament.
Something those unfamiliar with poker, especially poker that you don't actually have to pay money to play, is that players tend to do... strange things. In freerolls like this, along with bustos like myself, you have people who are just having fun and people who genuinely don't know what they're doing. So you get a lot of this:
Hand 1:
Poker Stars Freeroll No Limit Hold'em Tournament - t10/t20 Blinds - 6 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter
BTN: t1500 75 BBs
Hero (SB): t1500 75 BBs
BB: t1500 75 BBs
UTG: t1500 75 BBs
MP: t1500 75 BBs
CO: t1500 75 BBs
Pre Flop: (t30) Hero is SB with Q
K1 fold, MP raises to t1500 all in, 4 folds
Final Pot: t50
MP wins t50
No one called in this spot, but you'd be amazed at the hands you see when people do call. So after the first hand, we're still six-handed, which is an upset in and of itself.
Two hands later I picked up Aces. (Don't worry, this doesn't end the way a poker story that starts with "...I picked up Aces" usually ends.) I raise and get three callers. The flop comes 10-8-3 with two hearts and the small blind bets. The guy next to him folds. I raise and immediately start talking to the computer screen. I'm saying out loud, "Fold. You need to fold. You really need to fold."
The next player goes all in. Now it's back to the bettor and I'm apoplectic. "You don't have anything. Trust me. Fold. Don't do this to yourself. FOLD!"
He doesn't fold either.
Poker Stars Freeroll No Limit Hold'em Tournament - t10/t20 Blinds - 6 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter
MP: t1500 75 BBs
Hero (CO): t1470 73.50 BBs
BTN: t1470 73.50 BBs
SB: t1550 77.50 BBs
BB: t1510 75.50 BBs
UTG: t1500 75 BBs
Pre Flop: (t30) Hero is CO with A
A2 folds, Hero raises to t60, BTN calls t60, SB calls t50, BB calls t40
Flop: (t240) T
8 3 (4 players)SB bets t280, BB folds, Hero raises to t700, BTN raises to t1410 all in, SB raises to t1490 all in, Hero calls t710 all in
Turn: (t4470) 3
(3 players - 3 are all in)River: (t4470) 2
(3 players - 3 are all in)Final Pot: t4470
Hero shows A
A (two pair, Aces and Threes)BTN shows J
9 (a pair of Threes)SB shows 8
4 (two pair, Eights and Threes)Hero wins t4470
The real upset here is that my Aces held.
Now at this point, we're down to three players at my first-round table. This goes on for a while, and I soon realize that the guy on my right doesn't seem to know that he can move the bet slider to the right, or even that he can type a number in the box next to it, if he wants to bet more than the minimum on every street. I've abused this tendency of his several times to my benefit and have a decent chip lead when I get dealt two Kings on the button.
So I raise, the small blind calls and the big blind re-raises the same amount. I re-pop it (for more than the amount I raised to start with), the small blind calls and the big blind apparently figures out what that slider's for, as he moves all-in. OK, whatever. So since I have two Kings, I push all my chips in to get the third player out of the hand.
But he doesn't fold right away.
And here I go again. "Fold. Fold! You can't call this bet. You don't have me beat and you know you don't have me beat. I'm telling you this for your own good. FOLD."
I'm clearly too nice a person to play this game. I mean, I'm sitting here, yelling at the screen, knowing they can't hear me, and trying to get them to do something that I know is not in my best interest... for the second time in the match.
Poker Stars Freeroll No Limit Hold'em Tournament - t15/t30 Blinds - 3 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter
BB: t1100 36.67 BBs
Hero (BTN): t4955 165.17 BBs
SB: t2945 98.17 BBs
Pre Flop: (t45) Hero is BTN with K
KHero raises to t100, SB calls t85, BB raises to t170, Hero raises to t390, SB calls t290, BB raises to t1100 all in, Hero raises to t4955 all in, SB calls t2555 all in
Flop: (t6990) K
Q 2 (3 players - 3 are all in)Turn: (t6990) J
(3 players - 3 are all in)River: (t6990) 3
(3 players - 3 are all in)Final Pot: t6990
BB shows A
7 (high card Ace)Hero shows K
K (three of a kind, Kings)SB shows Q
9 (a pair of Queens)Hero wins t3690
Hero wins t3300
Final table, here I come.
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