Thursday, December 24, 2009

By The Pigskin of Our Teeth, Week 15: Blizzard of Confusion

Has Peyton missed yet? No? Oh. The Jaguars are hanging in there but they don't want to play this game like this – they'd have been much happier with a repeat of the pace of the 14-12 opener. Is Cox the Jaguars' best corner? Because I'd think you'd want to have your best corner on Reggie Wayne and the Colts have been exploiting that matchup all night. Like that. Peyton f'n Manning. I mean, this is how Colts-Jaguars always ends. (Colts 35, Jaguars 31)

Wow. The absolute last team you'd have expected to pull this off, given its history, did. In the Superdome, no less. Which will only make it the funniest thing ever if the Cowboys lose to Washington next week. (Cowboys 24, Saints 17)

Signal Finder: SF @ PHI (nope; maybe later), ATL @ NYJ (coverage expanded), NE @ BUF (swapped in), SF @ PHI (sure, how 'bout now?) CIN @ SD (broadcast rules now prevent it), GB @ PIT (well, just the end now)

And thus, we now get a win-or-piss-off game here at the Meadowlands. What? The Falcons are already eliminated? Whatever then. The amount of red zone fail in this game has been off the charts. How does no one stand in front of Gonzalez there? You know he's getting the ball. You've got three guys on him. How are they all behind him? Strange. crosses off Jets (Falcons 10, Jets 7)

Josh's postgame Facebook status: “I was OK, I was at peace with the fact that the Dolphins' season was over and then they had to go and force overtime and lose the game a second time. THAT was a bit annoying.” (Titans 27, Dolphins 24, OT)

You know who's good is Jamaal Charles. Larry who? There's a move the Chiefs don't regret. Didn't we just see this? For once, I agree with Deion: Pay the man his money. Here's how bad Brady Quinn is: Three hours from now, Matt Forte – who also isn't very good – will have rushed for more yards than Quinn threw for today (69 to 66). Seriously, how does your team score 41 points and you can't claim to have contributed to any of them? (Browns 41, Chiefs 34)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Cardinals 31, Lions 24

You just never get a feeling until after the first score, regardless of who gets it. Nineteen yards? Please. Jackson's caught longer touchdowns in his sleep. Really, Andy? Why are you doing that? Help me understand. Way to bail out your coach, defense. Moose: “Thank you, Shelton!” Kevin Curtis lives! And gets a nice cheer after that catch. Is McNabb gonna make it? He made it! Gore's broken off a few too many big runs for my taste. You know who we haven't heard a lot from today is Vernon Davis, which is a good sign when you consider how tight ends have killed the Eagles all year. Well, that'll be that. PLAYOFFS. (Eagles 27, 49ers 13)

And now for the end of the game we were all supposed to see before the Apocalypse happened. All right, Mike Tomlin. I like you and everything but what's this onside kick about? Holy crap it almost worked. Except now you've given your defense that's been lit up all night no margin for error... and that's what happens when you do that. Of course, now the Packer are playing a prevent and we all know the saying that goes with that. This ending seems... familiar. (Steelers 37, Packers 36)

Hey, you know all those AFC teams I've crossed off the last two weeks? Not so fast, my friends! You kind of wonder how the Raiders would have fared had they held on to Jeff Garcia and made him the starter. I'm pretty sure he could have pulled out two more wins. (Raiders 20, Broncos 19)

So here's how NBC ended up getting stuck with this sure-to-be dog of a game: CBS and FOX both get to protect one of their games from being flexed. The obvious choice – Bengals-Chargers – CBS held onto like grim death. The second-obvious choice – Packers-Steelers – FOX kept but moved to its doubleheader Game 2 slot. The result? We get to watch Matt Moore all night. PRO TIP: When you try to tackle Adrian Peterson, make sure he stops moving. Favre is getting used and abused. How about adjusting the pass protection? Anyone? Is Steve Smith trying to win this game by himself? Sure seems like it. And we really haven't heard anything from A.P. since that touchdown. Man, the Panthers are manhandling the Vikings. Surprising. The Cardinals didn't beat them down like this two weeks ago. RULES AND REGULATIONS. (Panthers 26, Vikings 7)

Eli just picked those guys apart on that opening drive. That was masterful. Imagine I just said that again. And again. Wait, what? Really? You're going back to the Swinging Gate after only a month? And using the same freeze-out trick you did the first time as well? That was Doomed To Failure. There's a reason Andy only onside kicks to start the game every couple of years. This is like Morimoto against the Ohta faction (with the Davis TD being the faction's only win, natch.) Johnny: “We could coach the Skins.” Bruce Allen couldn't have been a fan of this. (Giants 45, Redskins 12)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL: Into the consolation bracket we go, and we beat Gunslinger Mentality to get into the fifth-place game.

JackSux 6: So, yeah. I lost by 1.96 points despite leaving 40 points on the bench in the form of Reggie Wayne and Beanie Wells. But I'm not sure if that's more to blame than the -3 I got from the Steelers 'defense'. It's me against Johnny in the third-place game for at least the second time.

Lincoln Continentals: I got absolutely crushed by the Mustangs, who got 333 points from the Browns' defense and special teams.

RANKINGS

TOP 4

1. Indianapolis (14-0) – It's how they roll

2. San Diego (11-3) – Big win over Bengals just the latest

3. New Orleans (13-1) – Injuries help end perfect season

4. Minnesota (11-3) – Another December swoon for Favre?

BOTTOM 4

29. Tampa Bay (2-12) – Winning the battle of who could care less

30. Detroit (2-12) – Culpepper not helping own cause

31. Cleveland (3-11) – Only entertaining against equally incompetent opponents

32. St. Louis (1-13) – So many needs and only one No. 1 overall pick


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