By The Pigskin of Our Teeth, Week 16: Feeding the Beast

There was a game tonight? Oh. (Chargers 42, Titans 17)

Signal Finder: BAL @ PIT, CAR @ NYG, TB @ NO (OT), DEN @ PHI

PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The Ravens are getting flagged like they're the Raiders. Oh! How does Mason drop that?! Seriously, this is ridiculous – that one just knocked them out of field goal range. Why is Ben throwing deep? Another penalty? Of course it's on Walker – he's secretly terrible. Two straight sacks to end all hope. How depressing, and in retrospect, the Suggs penalty that wiped out Foxworth's interception return for a touchdown may have ended up costing the Ravens the game. Also, the Steelers held their opponent scoreless in the fourth quarter! Stop the presses. If you're a Ravens fan, you should be a little worried – that game in Oakland next week is hardly a lock at this point. Ask the guys on the other sideline. Better yet, ask me. grumbles (Steelers 23, Ravens 20)

Three incompletions for Brady against the Jaguars after throwing only two incompletions against them during the 2007 undefeated run. Yeah, I don't know either. crosses off Jaguars (Patriots 35, Jaguars 7)

Nice to see Nick Folk get work again so soon. Oh, wait, that's not... oh. OHHHHH. And now is the time for the Buccaneers to give the ball exclusively to Cadillac because the Saints can't stop him. You rarely see an overtime drive go like this with one team just running at will down the field. You know Tampa's beaten two playoff teams? And they're talking about dumping Morris after one year when they had to know they were going to be bad? They're nuts, right? (Buccaneers 20, Saints 17, OT)

I would not have done what Jim Caldwell did when Jim Caldwell did it. Only a five-point lead against a desperate team that's got a little bit of crazy in it and has held you down so far? Actual AP Line: “The Jets needed five things to happen and they all did.” It was 15-10 when the Colts' starters were pulled. The Jets then scored 19 unanswered points. I guess that means that Peyton Manning is also the Colts' best defensive player. (Jets 29, Colts 15)

You know who got the biggest ovation? Westbrook. Help me out here: if it's a backwards pass, it's treated as a lateral and it doesn't matter that it hit the ground? Is that how it works? Dumervil has become a monster in the Broncos' new 3-4 defense. Wait, they're tossing Stokley? For what? Ohhhhh. That was completely unintentional but there's no give whatsoever on that rule. This... isn't gonna work. I'm not sure if it made the broadcast but on the radio report Dawkins was pointing to himself after the Celek touchdown. You know who doesn't seem to be doing a whole lot is Brandon Marshall. I said this to my dad also: I still maintain that pass interference penalties would be cut in half if defenders just turned around. Nice catch, Avant. I think the Broncos broke into the Eagles' locker room at halftime and stole all their defensive plays. Hey, guys, how about wrapping up Gaffney instead of just putting a hit on him and hoping he falls down on his own? I don't think Macho Harris should return kickoffs any more. There's been some horrific punting in this game. Wow, McNabb's gonna get the first down here. And finally a good punt by Rocca. McNabb's run was huge, as it completely turned the field position around. Did he catch that? He caught that. You can see Reid mouth “One second” there. It's GOOD. Also not going unnoticed: the Broncos might be doing it again. (Eagles 30, Broncos 27)

Thanks for showing up, Redskins! (Cowboys 17, Redskins 0)

The Vikings do know there's a game tonight, right? Geez. Meanwhile the Bears actually look like an NFL offense for more than two consecutive plays. Not a fan of the time management at the end of the first half – they could have buried the Vikings there with a touchdown. The Vikings can't even get seven points out of a touchdown, and then they can't cover the kickoff. This could end very, very badly, especially since the Bears came back and scored in about three plays. This Aromashodu kid's having a big night. Don't look now, but the Vikings are grinding their way back into this thing. It's tied? Really? Are you kidding me with that kickoff return? And it's about the third one to boot and Hester's hurt tonight, so he hasn't been in on any of them. It's one thing for Kurt Warner to do this to a good defense. But Matt Moore and now Jay Cutler? That's a little ridiculous. I love the spin on that stat about how Favre's never led a comeback from being down more than 17 points like it happens every day. Did the Bears really call a time out right after the Vikings did? What is this, the NBA? And after all that, why was Rice not double-teamed? It's like the Jets against Gonzalez last week: you know where the ball's going; put a man in front of him. Now if the Vikings can cover this kickoff we'll have overtime, but that's been a problem tonight. Think Childress'll try to pull Favre here to protect him? Gould missed? That's rare. Peterson fumbled? That's... less rare. TOUCHDOWN! I feel like this was the Bears getting a small but meaningful amount of payback for all the times Favre has beaten them down in their house over the years. (Bears 36, Vikings 30, OT)

FANTASY REPORT

I went out with not one whimper, but three:

aPaFL: An uninspired loss to Brian relegates me to sixth place. Congrats to Johnny, who will represent our side in the Bacardi Bowl after winning our league playoffs as a 6-7 No. 7 seed (!)

JackSux6: Indeed. After getting knocked into the consolation final, I leave 59 points on the bench in McNabb and Sproles and lose... by 54. I will now light myself on fire.

Lincoln Continentals: Another big loss, this time in the consolation game. Such promising starts, such disappointing ends. Now I know what the Giants feel like.

RANKINGS

TOP 4

1. San Diego (12-3) – SING THE SONG

2. Indianapolis (14-1) – Just might beat Buffalo anyway with all backups

3. Philadelphia (11-4) – As usual, surging late

4. New Orleans (11-4) – Desperately need Sedrick Ellis back

BOTTOM 4

29. Washington (4-11) – Has basically packed it in

30. Kansas City (3-12) – Still bad, but at least under-the-radar bad

31. Detroit (2-13) – Well, it's better than last year

32. St. Louis (1-14) – No Jackson, no chance

By The Pigskin of Our Teeth, Week 15: Blizzard of Confusion

Has Peyton missed yet? No? Oh. The Jaguars are hanging in there but they don't want to play this game like this – they'd have been much happier with a repeat of the pace of the 14-12 opener. Is Cox the Jaguars' best corner? Because I'd think you'd want to have your best corner on Reggie Wayne and the Colts have been exploiting that matchup all night. Like that. Peyton f'n Manning. I mean, this is how Colts-Jaguars always ends. (Colts 35, Jaguars 31)

Wow. The absolute last team you'd have expected to pull this off, given its history, did. In the Superdome, no less. Which will only make it the funniest thing ever if the Cowboys lose to Washington next week. (Cowboys 24, Saints 17)

Signal Finder: SF @ PHI (nope; maybe later), ATL @ NYJ (coverage expanded), NE @ BUF (swapped in), SF @ PHI (sure, how 'bout now?) CIN @ SD (broadcast rules now prevent it), GB @ PIT (well, just the end now)

And thus, we now get a win-or-piss-off game here at the Meadowlands. What? The Falcons are already eliminated? Whatever then. The amount of red zone fail in this game has been off the charts. How does no one stand in front of Gonzalez there? You know he's getting the ball. You've got three guys on him. How are they all behind him? Strange. crosses off Jets (Falcons 10, Jets 7)

Josh's postgame Facebook status: “I was OK, I was at peace with the fact that the Dolphins' season was over and then they had to go and force overtime and lose the game a second time. THAT was a bit annoying.” (Titans 27, Dolphins 24, OT)

You know who's good is Jamaal Charles. Larry who? There's a move the Chiefs don't regret. Didn't we just see this? For once, I agree with Deion: Pay the man his money. Here's how bad Brady Quinn is: Three hours from now, Matt Forte – who also isn't very good – will have rushed for more yards than Quinn threw for today (69 to 66). Seriously, how does your team score 41 points and you can't claim to have contributed to any of them? (Browns 41, Chiefs 34)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Cardinals 31, Lions 24

You just never get a feeling until after the first score, regardless of who gets it. Nineteen yards? Please. Jackson's caught longer touchdowns in his sleep. Really, Andy? Why are you doing that? Help me understand. Way to bail out your coach, defense. Moose: “Thank you, Shelton!” Kevin Curtis lives! And gets a nice cheer after that catch. Is McNabb gonna make it? He made it! Gore's broken off a few too many big runs for my taste. You know who we haven't heard a lot from today is Vernon Davis, which is a good sign when you consider how tight ends have killed the Eagles all year. Well, that'll be that. PLAYOFFS. (Eagles 27, 49ers 13)

And now for the end of the game we were all supposed to see before the Apocalypse happened. All right, Mike Tomlin. I like you and everything but what's this onside kick about? Holy crap it almost worked. Except now you've given your defense that's been lit up all night no margin for error... and that's what happens when you do that. Of course, now the Packer are playing a prevent and we all know the saying that goes with that. This ending seems... familiar. (Steelers 37, Packers 36)

Hey, you know all those AFC teams I've crossed off the last two weeks? Not so fast, my friends! You kind of wonder how the Raiders would have fared had they held on to Jeff Garcia and made him the starter. I'm pretty sure he could have pulled out two more wins. (Raiders 20, Broncos 19)

So here's how NBC ended up getting stuck with this sure-to-be dog of a game: CBS and FOX both get to protect one of their games from being flexed. The obvious choice – Bengals-Chargers – CBS held onto like grim death. The second-obvious choice – Packers-Steelers – FOX kept but moved to its doubleheader Game 2 slot. The result? We get to watch Matt Moore all night. PRO TIP: When you try to tackle Adrian Peterson, make sure he stops moving. Favre is getting used and abused. How about adjusting the pass protection? Anyone? Is Steve Smith trying to win this game by himself? Sure seems like it. And we really haven't heard anything from A.P. since that touchdown. Man, the Panthers are manhandling the Vikings. Surprising. The Cardinals didn't beat them down like this two weeks ago. RULES AND REGULATIONS. (Panthers 26, Vikings 7)

Eli just picked those guys apart on that opening drive. That was masterful. Imagine I just said that again. And again. Wait, what? Really? You're going back to the Swinging Gate after only a month? And using the same freeze-out trick you did the first time as well? That was Doomed To Failure. There's a reason Andy only onside kicks to start the game every couple of years. This is like Morimoto against the Ohta faction (with the Davis TD being the faction's only win, natch.) Johnny: “We could coach the Skins.” Bruce Allen couldn't have been a fan of this. (Giants 45, Redskins 12)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL: Into the consolation bracket we go, and we beat Gunslinger Mentality to get into the fifth-place game.

JackSux 6: So, yeah. I lost by 1.96 points despite leaving 40 points on the bench in the form of Reggie Wayne and Beanie Wells. But I'm not sure if that's more to blame than the -3 I got from the Steelers 'defense'. It's me against Johnny in the third-place game for at least the second time.

Lincoln Continentals: I got absolutely crushed by the Mustangs, who got 333 points from the Browns' defense and special teams.

RANKINGS

TOP 4

1. Indianapolis (14-0) – It's how they roll

2. San Diego (11-3) – Big win over Bengals just the latest

3. New Orleans (13-1) – Injuries help end perfect season

4. Minnesota (11-3) – Another December swoon for Favre?

BOTTOM 4

29. Tampa Bay (2-12) – Winning the battle of who could care less

30. Detroit (2-12) – Culpepper not helping own cause

31. Cleveland (3-11) – Only entertaining against equally incompetent opponents

32. St. Louis (1-13) – So many needs and only one No. 1 overall pick

By The Pigskin of Our Teeth, Week 14: Shock and Awe

Two things I can't get over right now: How bad Brady Quinn is playing, and how bad the Steelers' offensive line is. Are you kidding me? Looks like it's time to re-open voting for NFL Upset of the Decade. Also, the ultimate question has finally been answered: the Madden cover curse is more powerful than the Super Bowl losers' curse. crosses off Steelers (Browns 13, Steelers 6)

Signal Finder: CIN @ MIN, NO @ ATL, GB @ CHI (end), CAR @ NE (end), SD @ DAL

The Colts – Peyton Manning specifically – usually destroy the Broncos, so for them to hang in there the way they did was a good sign. Let's put Brandon Marshall's day in perspective: He caught 21 passes. The Colts caught 20. (Colts 28, Broncos 16)

It's funny to hear the Panthers' DBs talking about how they think Moss slowed down when they lost and Wes Welker absolutely lit them up. Belichick: “They haven't won a lot of games this year.” (Patriots 20, Panthers 10)

As beatable as the Saints have looked at times, they still haven't been beaten. That says a lot. (Saints 26, Falcons 23)

Ah, Winfield's back. That'll help. Except for somehow losing track of Chad on the touchdown, this game's been more about the Vikings' defense shutting down the Bengals' passing game than anything else. I worry about the Bengals' offense at this point. Chad doesn't stretch the field like he used to. (Vikings 30, Bengals 10)

It's the unstoppable force versus the extremely movable object. WILD FROG. The thing about the Chargers' receivers is they don't have blazing, afterburner-type speed, but they're big, strong and tough and it almost isn't worth trying to be more physical than them. And there's another red-zone failure by the Cowboys. They obviously don't trust Folk right now but nobody else is giving them any kind of lift in those situations. And they were so effective running the ball on that drive. Must be that unimaginative play calling that Cowboys fans have been complaining about the last two years, and how do they not run a play fake at any point? Something I noticed going through the box scores: there have been a lot of missed kicks today. Was that a blown coverage? Either way, a sweet drive by Romo and company that actually ends with points for once. Man, if Rivers doesn't step up into the pocket, the Ware injury doesn't happen because Ware would have gotten him. Gates to the corner... touchdown. And after that touchdown, the Cowboys had the ball for about 3½ minutes the rest of the game. This is how the downward spiral continues. Also, how many points did the Cowboys leave on the field? Ten? Thirteen? That's not gonna get it done. (Chargers 20, Cowboys 17)

Did Seabass really try a 66-yarder? I see the benching hasn't helped Russell any. (Redskins 34, Raiders 14)

It's the state of the NFL these days that on the fumble return touchdown, Brown slowed down and turned around because it all seemed too easy. I mean, it was an obvious fumble but you're never sure if there's gonna be a flag of some kind. Aw, Trotter. You gotta bring that one in. Manningham's route-running... needs work. Hakeem Nicks will not be thanking his hands. He should be thanking his moves. See, the Eagles need to have McNabb and Vick on the field together more often, though that play would have worked better if Vick had started on the other side. Okay, after seeing the Jackson punt return seven times I just noticed that on his first cut, he looks like he's just sliding. The best thing that can happen to the Giants is their running game making a comeback. Looks like this is gonna be one of those games. Going for it on 4^th down has become an epidemic. Terrible tackling on the Hixon touchdown. And equally terrible coverage on the Jackson bomb. Michaels: “This is like a street game.” That's the shortest flea-flicker you'll ever see. Watching Eli on the escape/dump to Bradshaw reminded us all that the most underrated part of the David Tyree Super Bowl catch was Eli using all the minimal mobility he had to not get sacked on the back end. Manningham's route-running... really needs work. Wow, that's close. I couldn't overturn it. And they do! That's why I don't have that job. Goodbye, Meadowlands. Apparently the Giants' defense couldn't wait to leave. (Eagles 45, Giants 38)

Programming Note: For you Sunday night owls who have NFL Network but not Red Zone, the Network replays Red Zone at 4 a.m. Eastern so you can see what Gates has been raving about.

I'm not gonna say it again. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Nate: “If the Bears are who we thought they were, who the hell are the Cardinals?” (49ers 24, Cardinals 9)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL: The other fallout from the Steelers' complete and utter failure was me getting knocked out of the playoffs by DeSean Jackson, of all people. With Willis McGahee and his two touchdowns sitting on my bench (because who figured the Ravens would dig him out of mothballs to help them destroy the Lions on the ground?) Charlie beat me by slightly more than a point.

JackSux6 (10-4, W1): I held on to beat the Lunatics... only to draw them in the playoffs, which start this week.

Lincoln Continentals: I did get some revenge on Charlie here, knocking him out of his own league's playoffs. Thanks, Ahmad Bradshaw! Well, sort of.

RANKINGS

TOP 4

1. New Orleans (13-0) – Entirely too close a call

2. Indianapolis (13-0) – Par for the course

3. San Diego (10-3) – Probably playing the best of all the top teams

4. Minnesota (11-2) – An unremarkable performance, but back on track

BOTTOM 4

29. Tampa Bay (1-12) – Building a new ship is hard

30. Detroit (2-11) – These rumors about trading Megatron need to stop

31. Cleveland (2-11) – They've almost gotten worse QB production in their wins than their losses

32. St. Louis (1-12) – Somebody named Keith Null started at quarterback? Really?

By The Pigskin of Our Teeth, Week 13: Rise Up

O CANADA. Seriously, what's happened to Braylon Edwards? Any chance the Jets bring him back? Mark Sanchez clearly needed more sliding lessons. (Jets 19, Bills 13)

Signal Finder: PHI @ ATL, WSH @ NO (the last two minutes except for the final 32 seconds – WTF Fox), DAL @ NYG, SD @ CLE

Look, it's one thing to go cross-country and lose to a team that bad. But to have them come into your house and do that to you? Really? “I thought it was the Super Bowl loser who was supposed to be cursed.” Even so... I can't do it yet. But the Steelers are in “Act of God” territory now. (Raiders 27, Steelers 24)

The pace of this game seems really frenetic early, especially on the Falcons' side. Redman's acting at about two times speed. Well, here he comes. That reaction is decidedly mixed. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. It's the Leonard Weaver show! You know Moose enjoyed that. One thing I'm seeing right away is how on the ball the Eagles' defenders are. Very few runs after catches going on here. Why are the Eagles in the shotgun on their own 2-yard line? Oh. Peters is hurt again? He's becoming this year's Elton Brand. You know who's still good is Tony Gonzalez. The Falcons are finishing drives like they're the Redskins. I think you try to punch it in, too, because like Moose said, you make this, it's a one-score game. I might have called a different play, though, especially since they did that three times and didn't score. DENIED! Not even close. That's putting the hammer down and might be a game-changer. Is Andy going for it here? Well then. Touchdown Michael Vick. Has any other Falcons wide receiver caught a pass today? Smith's going to go for it again here, as he probably should at this point in the game. Oops. Sheldon jumped that route like he was Asante. Now the crowd wants Vick. This went well. (Eagles 34, Falcons 7)

I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Bears 17, Rams 6. Aside: How did Dick Stockton get stuck with this dog of a game? This matchup had Ron Pitts written all over it.

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: The Meachem play is not only the “C'MON, MAN!” Play of the Year, it also sums up the Redskins in a nice little 30-second package. Twenty-three yards? And it wasn't even close! If the Redskins lose this game they should cut Suisham immediately. And of course the Saints go right down the field and score. Meachem was five yards behind the secondary. Really, Channel 29? You're not going to show me overtime? I think the only reason they were able to overturn the Sellers play in OT was that the Saints didn't take off and run with it after recovering it for whatever reason. It's GOOD! (Saints 33, Redskins 30)

This wouldn't be happening if Bill Belichick was still alive. (Dolphins 22, Patriots 21)

On the one hand, a Cowboys loss precipitates their annual December downfall. On the other hand, a Cowboys win buries the Giants, and I'd really like to have them out of the way as early as possible. Nice to see Roy Williams show up tonight. The Cowboys have been in control for the most part and yet they're only up three after the nice catch by Nicks. There's the Brandon Jacobs that's been missing, well, most of this season, to be brutally honest. You know how some animals are dangerous when cornered? That's what the Giants remind me of here. This is starting to look like a repeat of '06 when the Cowboys lost the ability to run the ball. Of all the adjectives that have been used to describe Jacobs, “fast” has never been among them. Has Romo really thrown 50 passes? (Giants 31, Cowboys 24)

They couldn't have moved Pats-Dolphins back to the late CBS slot? This is all we've got? Weaksauce. This apparently got interesting late. (Chargers 30, Browns 23)

Yeah, that's a touchdown. “Three feet?” Is that legal? I could see the Vikings sorely missing Winfield tonight. I mean, you can't double two guys. And it's coming true as Warner and the receivers are just lighting this defense up. You know two words I haven't heard all night? Adrian Peterson. The Cardinals have shut him down like I don't think anyone has. GUNSLINGER. GAH! The Henderson injury is giving me Tim Krumrie flashbacks. I'm not sure I expected this. That Warner kid's pretty good. (Cardinals 30, Vikings 17)

This is the first MNF game in Green Bay in December? Odd. No Ed Reed? That's dicey. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Hey, Rodgers has time to throw again. And he's not using too much of it, either. How does Finley keep getting open? LOL at Washington getting shoved out of the end zone stands. Wait, what? That didn't hit the ground? Wow. It's like the Antonio Freeman play in reverse. Willis McGahee lives! I've seen fewer flags at the United Nations. Just turn around and wave at the ball. Is it really that difficult? Also it wasn't very smart of Mason to grab Woodson and push him away when he was about to overrun the route anyhow. (Packers 27, Ravens 14)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL (8-5, W4): We didn't get a lot from Derrick Mason on Monday night, but we got enough to beat the Fire Island Ferries and secure the No. 4 seed in the playoffs. We brought in Justin Fargas to take Ronnie Brown's roster spot, and signed Mike Wallace for Hines Ward insurance, but our real question will be at quarterback: Favre or Palmer?

JackSux 6 (9-4, L2): Lost to the Original Pulp Heroes again after Rodgers' big night. I probably won't lose the top seed (I'm 150 points ahead of the top second-place team, so the tiebreaker likely won't go into effect) but I need to right this ship with one week left in the regular season and three 8-5 teams behind me.

Lincoln Continentals (11-2, W5): And here I was worried because late pickup Justin Forsett got hurt on Friday and I never reset my lineup. This was a crushing the likes of which I don't think I've ever put on anyone. My opponent had Shaun Hill at QB, who hasn't played in a month. Anyway, playoffs. Top seed here, and I'm facing Charlie in the first round AGAIN.

RANKINGS

TOP 4

1. New Orleans (12-0) – Entirely too close a call

2. Indianapolis (12-0) – 12 > 5

3. San Diego (9-3) – That Philip Rivers is so hot right now

4. Minnesota (10-2) – Speed bump

BOTTOM 4

29. Tampa Bay (1-11) – You're supposed to pull the QB after the fourth interception

30. Detroit (2-10) – Not historically bad, just dreadful

31. St. Louis (1-11) – Steven Jackson deserves a medal

32. Cleveland (1-11) – Worse than last year's Lions. Seriously.

By The Pigskin of Our Teeth, Week 12: Unstuffed

That's a different start. I'd like to think that if Aaron Rodgers had an actual turkey with him on the bomb to Driver that he had enough time to gut it, stuff it and tie it off before throwing down there and yelling “It's ready, Don! Put it in the oven!” I was just about to say that at least the Lions weren't thoroughly embarrassing themselves like they did last year but Stafford just threw another interception. Is Woodson really having that good a season? Huh. Things have officially taken a turn. The challenge on the safety was... different. There has been some extremely questionable playcalling down at these goal lines. For the last example, why kick the field goal now? I feel like if the Lions drafted nothing but defense next year there'd be little cause to complain. Time for roast chicken! (Packers 34, Lions 12)

Really, Mom? You've got Christmas dinner decided already? I'm pretty sure that's a record. As for the matter at hand, this is how you beat bad teams: you knock them down early. (You'll remember the bad feeling I had about Eagles-Raiders right after Miller broke that long touchdown to start that game.) Also, who thought it would be a good idea to put the Raiders in this spot when they were terrible last year and you figured the Chargers were probably going to be good? Bad job by the schedule makers. This was nice and everything but I still don't trust the Cowboys to not screw this up. (Cowboys 24, Raiders 7)

I don't remember having to turn the board every time it was someone else's turn. Or at least doing it so often. See, I never make the “form two words at one time” play so I don't know how to do it. That's why I asked for the rules and read them over for about three minutes. So I started the second game with one of the V's. Then I drew the X. Then I drew the K. Then I drew the J. Those were the first four plays. (Broncos 26, Giants 6; Me 2, Parents 0, NFL Network -1)

Signal Finder: WSH @ PHI, KC @ SD, JAX @ SF (most of second half)

Well. Haven't seen that in a while. And of course all the armchair analysts will decry it as a foolish gamble when they would all be saying how brilliant it was if it had worked. (Aside: A couple of Redskins players told Howard Eskin afterward that they knew it was coming because one of the Eagles was lined up in a different spot than usual. We didn't buy it, and as David Akers said, if that was the case, why did they all back up eight yards just before the kick?) I see “cover DeSean Jackson” is still not in the Redskins' game plan. Although I'm not sure if that was worse than Trotter and Harris just standing there while Santana Moss scooted in unencumbered. How about getting a stop on third down, huh? Just once. That's all I ask. I mean, Fred Davis? You can't stop Fred Davis one time? You cannot telegraph your throws when Asante Samuel's on the field – he and Ed Reed might be the best route-jumpers in the league. Celek's having an awful game. The Eagles are noticeably running the ball more than usual. Big stop by the Eagles' D after the Tryon interception where McNabb got blindsided right as he threw it. Eldra Buckley? Really? The fans are booing this time out but I don't think McNabb was getting the play in through his helmet. He was tapping his helmet and shaking his head right before that. Wow! How did McCoy keep his balance? I was sure he was down. Now they have to go ahead. Smart by McNabb to slide there – an incompletion stops the clock and the Redskins get to save their last time out. Kick it! Now can the Redskins rally? Of course not. Have you not been paying attention the last five years? (Eagles 27, Redskins 24)

I don't understand why Delhomme isn't limited to 20 pass attempts maximum at this point. The Panthers are at their best when they run the ball, they have two starting-caliber running backs and a quarterback who looks like the first football player to come down with Steve Blass disease. Although that first one Steve Smith 1.0 was simply blissfully unaware of. Meanwhile, Sanchez's regression to the mean continues, but I think this week he went up. I have two words for Panthers fans: Dan. LeFevour. (Jets 17, Panthers 6)

I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Seahawks 27, Rams 17

Jet: “Do you think Matt Leinart wakes up in a cold sweat with nightmares of Vince Young?” Also it's high time to add Chris Johnson to the MVP candidates list. (Titans 20, Cardinals 17)

As great as Peterson is, that happens way too much. PRO TIP: When defending against the pass, TURN AROUND. Why is Jared Allen getting interceptions? Much like last week the Bears don't seem to be letting Cutler take many chances deep. Because that's what happens. Oh, the rout is on. I think one of the popcorn vendors just caught a pass. (Vikings 36, Bears 10)

That rushing list graphic is hilarious because Tomlinson could pass about five guys today. Have I really not said “PROTECT THE FOOTBALL” up until now? Good thing, I guess. As it was, LDT only passed Marcus Allen and Edge James. And who knew Edge James was ahead of Marcus Allen? (Chargers 43, Chiefs 14)

Also, many thanks to CBS for switching us to this game after everything happened. (49ers 20, Jaguars 3)

Ah, that's a shame. Dixon was playing pretty well before that. (Ravens 20, Steelers 17, OT)

Game of the Year of the Week. That dome is rocking. DOINK! You don't get to 10-0 without a few of those. Going for it again, Belichick? You gonna call a better play this time? Hey, a man in the backfield. Already an improvement. And a touchdown, even. How 'bout that. The Saints have a punter? Interesting. Wow. Gruden said no more than 15 minutes ago that you have to know where Henderson is on the field. As one of the Saints' radio announcers said, he could have done the backstroke into the end zone. I hated the Meachem draft pick when it happened (I thought they absolutely should have gone defense, possibly Aaron Ross) but he's found himself too after a rough start. This game doesn't feel as close as it is. I think it may finally be time to say that the Patriots' defense is no longer what it was either. (The Seymour trade still baffles me, and Derrick Burgess, effectively his replacement, hasn't done anything.) Nate: “How many times can you say you went to bed early because the Patriots were getting blown out?” Brady didn't even know what the score was afterward. (Saints 38, Patriots 17)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL (7-5, W3, clinched playoff berth): Here's how bad our commissioner's team is this year: I had Favre on my bench (because the Browns' defense is as bad or worse than the Bears' and I didn't figure on the Bengals not throwing a single pass) and I still beat him by 34 points. Six playoff spots are set and I play one of the 6-6 teams next week.

JackSux (9-3, L1, clinched playoff berth): We didn't have enough to beat Rob this week but we're still in first place with a two-game lead.

Lincoln Continentals (10-3, W4): Now we're in first place all by ourselves.

RANKINGS

TOP 4

1. New Orleans (11-0) – Back into the groove

2. Indianapolis (11-0) – crosses off Texans

3. Minnesota (10-1) – Favre currently making us all look like fools

4. San Diego (8-3) – That's six in a row, folks

BOTTOM 4

29. Oakland (3-8) – Averaging 10 points a game. 10!

30. Detroit (2-9) – Like holiday fruitcake

31. St. Louis (1-10) – Add injuries to Rams' list of woes

32. Cleveland (1-10) – Peter King: “I think Brady Quinn has the best hands on the team.”