Wednesday, November 25, 2009

By The Pigskin of Our Teeth, Week 11: That Thing About Familiarity and Contempt

Signal Finder: IND @ BAL, WSH @ DAL, PIT @ KC (OT), NYJ @ NE

Why would you let the Colts start the game on offense? No, seriously. Why? Sick catch by Clark. And that's what Ed Reed does and has always done. The Ravens' red-zone offense looks like the Eagles'. More field goals! Meanwhile the Colts have scored half as many times but have more points. 86 on the Colts is struggling. Great catch by Mason with Powers all over him. I don't think this McGahee play is a fumble. And it's not. The Ravens got absolutely no push on that third down. D'oh! Ah, there's the Billy Cundiff we know and love. That's just a stupid penalty by Ngata. Dropping the Savage elbow on a guy after he's down? And Ngata's a massive human being – Garcon's lucky to be alive. Stover: “Nah, Coach, I got this. I worked these mines for years.” I expect this Ravens drive to also peter out in the red zone. Are you kidding me with that pass? Awful read by Flacco. You know it's serious when Reed's back on a punt return. WHAT?! You're better than that, Reed. Is he down? Wow, I can't tell at all. They won't be overturning that. Ten! (Colts 17, Ravens 15)

Why is Devin Thomas returning kickoffs? Oh, I see; so he can help the team finally. Watching Roy Williams the last month makes me realize that the Alvin Harper phenomenon has evolved – if you're a very good No. 2 receiver, you no longer have to go somewhere else to become a crappy No. 1. Combine that with the Redskins' defense actually being quite good and the Eagles showing that Miles Austin can, in fact, be contained and it's little wonder the Cowboys' offense is struggling. Zzzzzzzzz. Ah, there's the Shaun Suisham we know and love. But this could actually hold up... or not. And once again the Redskins fail to finish a game. (Cowboys 7, Redskins 6)

Stafford got drilled on that Hail Mary. OK, for pass interference to be called on a Hail Mary it needs to be unbelievably blatant, and Poteat shoved that guy out of the end zone. Of course Mangini's gonna call a time out here. They've got a play to defend! They did an awful job defending it, but still. (Lions 38, Browns 37)

When did Batch go down? Chris Chambers lives! Irrelevant no more! This should never have happened. (Chiefs 27, Steelers 24, OT)

Does anybody else hear music playing? (Chargers 32, Broncos 3)

Let's see... crushing defeat to their arch rivals last week, a week full of external second-guessing, a return match against the division rival who hates them the most and beat them the first time... you might see the Patriots go into Murder Death Kill mode on the Jets. And here we go. Apparently covering Welker is not part of the Jets' game plan. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Sanchez's second pick to Bodden was worse than the first but I don't think Braylon even saw the ball. PRO TIP: When spotting the ball, try not to forget where the ball was previously spotted. What a debacle that was (and they also put too much time back on the clock). That's exactly the break the Jets needed – let's see if they can capitalize. Here come the Jets? Er... no. Bodden again? Why'd the Lions get rid of that guy? Sanchez looks like Ryan Leaf out there. Seriously. This was not that close, I assure you. crosses off Jets (Patriots 31, Jets 14)

That's such a Bengals way to lose. (Raiders 20, Bengals 17)

I imagine the McNabbs cooked for the team again at some point. Holy crap Michael Vick lives. I'm of the opinion that he just doesn't have it like he used to and hasn't really gotten enough of it back. The guy was out of the game for three years. Nice move by Avant on the touchdown. Cutler's playing at about 60 percent speed tonight. He's also overthrowing guys like Eli was against the Eagles. And now the Eagles are slowing down. The Bears' red-zone offense looks like the Eagles'. Field goals. Nothing but field goals. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. (And I'm actually not saying it to Cutler here.) Go vote Brent Celek into the Pro Bowl, please. I'd appreciate it. A 48-yarder being Jackson's shortest touchdown of the year is funny. Nice throw by Cutler on the touchdown to Davis. Why isn't that Bell guy getting the ball more after he broke off that 72-yarder in the second quarter? PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Seriously. Blocked! Oh, that's huge. So is the guy who blocked it. Notice how the Eagles called a run for McCoy right away after he fumbled. They're going to need him down the stretch. Kinda like that. My mother is flipping out right now after that illegal block in the back penalty on that punt return. Right into double coverage! Good job, Jay. Wow! The Eagles finally beat the Bears! Not only that, THEY WON ON NBC! The center cannot hold. crosses off Bears (Eagles 24, Bears 20)

They did what? When did the Texans hire Les Miles? Ah, there's the Kris Brown we know and love. (Titans 20, Texans 17)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL (6-5, W2): Well, we did it. Twice, in fact. Greg Olsen to Team Venture for Derrick Mason, then Drew Brees and Andre Johnson to the Gargoyles for Brett Favre and Rashard Mendenhall. I needed a replacement for Ronnie Brown and Carson Palmer wasn't getting any bites.

JackSux (9-2, W5): No big trades necessary here. The Seagulls roll along with another win over Butch.

Lincoln Continentals (9-2, W3): My opponent last week had six tight ends on his roster. I've never been in a league where so many people just give up at the end.

RANKINGS

TOP 4

1. New Orleans (10-0) – Back into the groove

2. Indianapolis (10-0) – They should really rejigger Eli's watch commercial and put Peyton in it instead

3. Minnesota (9-1) – Favre's only thrown three interceptions! Three!

4. San Diego (7-3) – Yeah, that's definitely a familiar melody

BOTTOM 4

29. Detroit (2-8) – Even when they win, they lose

30. St. Louis (1-9) – Might be looking for their next quarterback

31. Buffalo (3-7) – Really? You think you're getting Mike Shanahan?

32. Cleveland (1-9) – As if being bad wasn't enough, now they're unlucky


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