2005 Fantasy Draft Report: 2 of 2

And now we're back to our old standby, the aPa league. It's the third year in the league for the New Jersey Seagulls -- we were league runner-up two years ago and just missed out on the playoffs last year. Same setup as usual: two separate leagues, 14 teams, 13 regular-season games, three weeks of playoffs, then a hand-scored final between the two league champions.

Interesting sidenote: this was the first year I actually noticed the "Exclude Players" column on the left side of the pre-ranking screen. It was utilized heavily. No Bears or Browns will dirty our uniforms.

ROUND ONE (12): Wade, sometime last season: "...and anyone who doesn't draft [Peyton Manning] first next year is borderline retarded." Wade got the first pick and he indeed did take Peyton. I'm sitting at 12th, which will become a strange spot in this draft.

Now historically, the aPa leagues have always emphasized having a strong running game, so the top RBs usually go earlier than in other leagues. As I pointed out in the first draft analysis, it seems like the majority of teams now use two and even three backs semi-regularly instead of just having one featured guy. So getting that featured back early can be critical to your success. But at 12, I wasn't convinced of the auto-picker's chances of getting that one guy.

It didn't happen. But I did get WR Marvin Harrison, who I got in the exact same spot last year. He's only good for what, 90-1200-12? I'll take that every day and twice on Wednesday.

ROUND TWO (17): Would I fulfill my quixotic quest for a top RB with my second pick? Well, the next four picks after Harrison were Moss, Dillon, Julius Jones and Kevin Jones. So, no. WR Reggie Wayne, COME ON DOWN! He'll be good for what, 75-1000-10?

ROUND THREE (40): Well, I got a running back here after all. LaMont Jordan is new to Oakland after toiling as Curtis Martin's backup for a few years with the Jets. If he's any good (and it's not like the Raiders have a whole lot of other options), that's good news for me.

ROUND FOUR (45): This is getting eerie. WR Andre Johnson was my third-round pick last season. Let's hope I don't have to trade him for his quarterback like I did last season.

ROUND FIVE (68): You know what a lot of people forgot about the Falcons last year is that RB Warrick Dunn rushed for over 1100 yards. I actually like this pick better than the Jordan one, as while Dunn could get his touchdowns scooped by T.J. Duckett, he could also catch 50-60 balls if the Falcons' wide receivers continue to suck.

ROUND SIX (73): I'm looking at the draft board, and QB Chad Pennington is better than all three quarterbacks taken in the previous round. He has Lavernaeus Coles back, but his big thing has been staying healthy through a full season.

ROUND SEVEN (96): Hey, it's the Ravens' defense! I'll... take it, I guess. Seems a bit high.

ROUND EIGHT (101): David Akers started the run on kickers. As he should.

ROUND NINE (124): You know what I don't have yet? A tight end. TE Bubba Franks should suffice as long as he isn't stuck trying to help keep Brett Favre upright.

ROUND TEN (129): Will someone explain to me how in the blue hell John Hall, Shayne Graham and Matt Stover all went off the board before K Mike Vanderjagt? Someone? ANYONE? I'm gonna sit on this gold mine and wait for one of you to get desperate. :)

ROUND ELEVEN (152): We're just filling spots now. WR Greg Lewis is angling for a starting spot in Philly with Pinkston down. He's fast and was good for one big gain per game late last season. We're gonna need more than that.

ROUND TWELVE (157): And our other backup WR is the Chargers' Keenan McCardell.

ROUND THIRTEEN (180): We need a backup for Pennington. We got QB Kyle Boller, who finally has weapons this season. Let's find out if he can use them.

ROUND FOURTEEN (185): Here's a strange pick: RB/TE Chris Cooley. As the backup tight end, he's guaranteed a spot, but, y'know...

ROUND FIFTEEN (208): RB Zack Crockett. He's still in the league?

Obviously, I heart my passing game, and I like my running game. I'm not crazy about my depth at all, though.

My Switch and How to Flip It

Stolen from Butch.

GUYS: Turned ON or OFF when a girl:

dresses like a slut: OFF and I suddenly feel old

dresses like a grandma: OFF

dresses like a prep: ON

dresses in all black: ON

doesn't care what she wears: OFF

sings: ON

plays a musical instrument: ON

is skinnier than you: ON

is bigger than you: Define "bigger".

is taller than you: ON, but it can't be too much. Isn't this the same as "bigger"?

has straight teeth: ON

wears braces: OFF (I'm too old for that shizazz)

has chapped lips: OFF

has green eyes: ON

has blue eyes: ON

has brown eyes: ON

has long hair: ON

short hair: OFF, mostly

drinks alcohol: ON, but all things in moderation

smokes cigarettes: OFF

smokes pot: OFF

wears glasses: ON

has blonde hair: ON

has brown hair: ON

has black hair: ON

has Red Hair: ON

has a tan: ON

works out: ON

smiles more than not: ON

calls you just to say hey: ON

smacks your butt: OFF. That's MY job. ;)

compliments you: ON

shaves her legs: ON

wears jewelry: ON

has bigger feet than you: What?

has smaller feet than you: Again, what? I DO not care.

wears perfume: ON If it's good and not excessive

smiles when you walk into the room: ON

wants to be a mom: ON, but not right now

Has a nice stomach: ON

Belly piercing: ON as long as it's not obnoxiously large

Virgin: ON

Loyal: ON

Laid back: ON

Doesn't party a lot: ON

laughs a lot: ON

is Ticklish: Eh, ON

doesn't care about what people think about her: ON

believes in love at first sight/fate: OFF

gaged ears: What?

talkative: ON

rich: ON, though it doesn't actually matter

has a booty: ON

2005 Fantasy Draft Report: 1 of 2

So I'm doing the two-league thing again this year, too. First up was Rob's league, named Jacksux in "honor" of his longtime former employer. I am the Captains of Charisma. *trumpet fanfare* But I couldn't be there in person Monday night because, well, I never am. Work, you see.

We know Rob didn't rig the draft order, because if he had, he wouldn't have given himself the first/last pick in each round. He's not that stupid. The downside for me, picking second, is that I'm the first loser in the Peyton Manning sweepstakes.

ROUND ONE (2): Oh no. I have to settle for RB LaDainian Tomlinson. Only the best all-purpose back in the game playing for a team that relies heavily on him.

ROUND TWO (19): There are only so many Colts to go around, and if you want to win in fantasy, you should probably consider getting one. Like WR Reggie Wayne, for instance.

ROUND THREE (22): RB Tiki Barber. The equally versatile Tiki sets the Captains' backfield in stone.

ROUND FOUR (39): A quarterback would be nice at this point. And with the Big Huge Names off the board, the Captains of Charisma will put Trent Green, the trigger man in the high-powered Chiefs offense, under center. Good thing he has Priest and Gonzalez to throw to, 'cause his wideouts? Not actually that good.

ROUND FIVE (42): Here's where things got interesting. It seems like there are so few teams in the league these days that have one primary running back. A lot of teams have two or even three backs splitting carries. The Rams' Stephen Jackson is a back in such a situation. Biding time behind Marshall Faulk, this may be the year Jackson supplants him as St. Louis's primary guy. Then again, it may not.

ROUND SIX (59): I don't know who in Miami's gonna get the ball to WR Chris Chambers, but he does good things with it when given the chance.

ROUND SEVEN (62): Lavernaeus Coles is back in New York, where he broke out while hooking up with Chad Pennington. That's a combination that'll have to come through for the Jets, and you have to believe they know that. Which is good for me.

ROUND EIGHT (79): It's about time for a tight end. But with Gonzalez, Heap and Dallas Clark off the board, we got saddled with Jeremy Shockey, who's coming off an injury and wasn't all that productive last year when he was healthy. Maybe he'll actually get the ball thrown to him this season.

ROUND NINE (82): I don't know how this happened. How is Matt Stover the first kicker taken? Before Akers? Before Vinatieri? Before Elam? Anybody who knows me knows I'm taking Akers in this spot if I'm there. It won't be so bad if the Ravens can actually move the ball this year, though.

ROUND TEN (99): Somebody took the Patriots' defense 11th overall. And it wasn't Jen. I don't get it. But I did get the Atlanta defense, a unit built on speed that made some key additions in the offseason and should get better.

ROUND ELEVEN (102): That rotator cuff injury must really be scaring people, because realistically, QB Chad Pennington probably shouldn't have fallen this far. Now that he's in a real offense, staying healthy will be the key. Good Value, Kiper would call this pick.

ROUND TWELVE (119): Remember how I was talking about how Stephen Jackson might move in on Marshall Faulk? Well, look who turned up here: RB Marshall Faulk. Hello, bye-week double-shot!

ROUND THIRTEEN (122): WR Derrick Mason. The Ravens are counting on Mason to give Kyle Boller someone to actually throw to. IF he can do it, that's more good news for me.

ROUND FOURTEEN (139): With last season's injury to Steve Smith, WR Keary Colbert stepped in and showed he could play a little bit. Now he's fighting Rod Gardner for Muhsin Muhammad's old spot, but should still see plenty of action.

ROUND FIFTEEN (142): A Cleveland Brown? Ew. And currently injured RB Rueben Droughns at that. Was he merely a product of the Broncos' system last year? Probably.

ROUND SIXTEEN (159): TE Randy McMichael. Again, no idea who's gonna get the ball to him in Miami.

ROUND SEVENTEEN (162): K Phil Dawson. Psssssht. Like the Browns are gonna score any points. (Was waived two days later and replaced by Jeff Wilkins, as I won't believe the Ravens can score points until I see it.)

Worst. Prize. EVER.

So the paper won the Publishers' Quarterly Innovation Award for, well, several innovations that we created during the last quarter. (There's really no other way to say it.) The memo posted on the board said that the higher-ups had some trouble coming up with a reward for us, so they left it up to chance.

With balloons.

What they did was, they filled the conference room with balloons and brought us in to pick and pop one. Inside each balloon was a number, and each number corresponded to a prize -- gift certificates, free movie rentals, cash, a day off.

I drew a 4.

What's a 4 worth?

How about a WaWa gift card? (Link provided for those of you reading who are NOT in the New Jersey/Pennsylvania area, which, unless Shane's dropped by recently, would be... all of you.)

That's right, people. I won a gift card to a convenience store. This is easily the lamest prize I've ever won, and I haven't won a lot of prizes in my time, so you wouldn't think I'd complain. But what possible value could this thing have? Who is using gift cards at WaWa? How does that decision get made? "You know, I'm really jonesing for an Italian Shorti, but I don't have $3.30. OH WAIT. I have my gift card! Oh, happy day!"

The only saving grace this thing has is you can use it to get gas at the ones that have gas stations. Otherwise, it's all just so wrong and sad.