By The Pigskin of Our Teeth, Week 8: And When It Falls Down Who You Gonna Call Now?

YOU ARE LOOKING LIVE at the REAL Center Of Democracy, and we've bugged the opening coin flip: "All right, gentlemen. This side is heads, this side tails, and the fate of the free world is at stake. Captain, call it in the air."

We've also tapped a certain phone line: "Is this the NFL scheduling office? Yeah, you're damn right I'm from the Vikings. The next time you put us against the Giants, make THEM the home team?"

And from Drew Pearson's answering machine: "Hi, Drew, this is Coach Parcells. We're in a bit of a bind..." Seriously, who the hell were these guys? Smartly, Parcells decided to run the ball all game and damn the consequences.

We've been here before, too, right? Oh my God, a PUNT. Nice to see Peyton and Reggie patch things up. IF YOU NEED THE LORD, CALL A PRIEST. Hey, thanks for showing up, Edge. *rolls eyes* And an interception at the end seals it. 1,095? That's, what, two-thirds of a mile? Isn't this exactly how the playoff game went?

The sad thing is, the lesson of Leon Lett is such an easy one to learn.

This was exactly what the Ravens wanted - low scoring and serious defense. Did you notice Hartwell waited until Donovan was spinning before going after the ball? Then Dawkins knocks the ball out of Chester's hands with an elbow. Oh, man. T.O. Men have been killed for lesser transgressions. Why go for two there? Do you actually think the Ravens are capable of scoring 14 points? Boller had four more passing yards than McNabb, believe it or not.

(And is it just me or do I sense some sour grapes from Ray: "Don't be a coward and wait until you make one play to do something." Isn't that when you're supposed to do something? *shrugs*)

I left the house and Atlanta had just pulled to within three. I got to work and they were at 28 and climbing.

No Dillon? That could be important. Now Law's out? Problematic. And they immediately pick on the new guy! PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. OBVIOUSLY YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME THE FIRST TIME. Ben just looks so cool back there, like not a damn thing bothers him. There's that "Duuuuuce" chant in full effect. What about that time of possession: 42:57-17:03. Revenge for Kordell and Kris Brown? Well, it had to end sometime. I just didn't think it'd go down like this. This was a whipping, pure and simple. (And no, I don't like our chances.)

Why is no one talking about what Drew Brees is doing? This is almost like Manny being put on irrevocable waivers.

It's Dorsey/Krenzel II! With far less at stake! Do their college teams ('their' meaning the ones they personally played on) beat either of these teams?

Madden, on an official with glasses: "I was just glad they finally started admitting they couldn't see."

FANTASY REPORT
XFLaPa: Got the smack laid down on me by the first-place Ontario Surge. Leftwich's poor effort doomed me and the Jets' D didn't get enough turnovers to catch up. Now 5-3.
tSC: Pulled away from Hawley late on Martin's big game. It's lonely at the top. :)

RANKINGS

TOP 3:
1. Philadelphia - Style points don't mean anything in the pros
2. Pittsburgh - Biggest Eagles-Steelers game in 57 years(!)
3. New England - No excuses necessary

BOTTOM 3:
30. Arizona - At least Boldin's back
31. Miami - Al Michaels: "The best thing to happen to the Dolphins this year? Shaquille O'Neal."
32. San Francisco - GAH

And GO VOTE. Unless, of course, your country's not... having... elections.