YOU ARE LOOKING LIVE at the Spaulding family Thanksgiving spread. Cornish hens, collards, stuffing, red potatoes, cole slaw and rolls. Oh, and Peyton Manning throwing 36 touchdown passes. That's like a record or something.
TOUCHDOWN BENGALS
Me: "Is this farce still going on?" OK, you know who should wear solid orange? Clemson and Syracuse. That's IT. Wait, isn't Vinny hurt or something? What's going on here?
TOUCHDOWN BROWNS
So now Eli gets to face this Eagles defense from the start. And there's a leisurely jog into the end zone by Donovan. Hey, Eli! You forgot the ball! And you probably shouldn't have thrown that pass where you did. Does it start now? Yes, it does. Yeah, there's some hatred here. Why, yes, this IS exactly how last week's game went.
TOUCHDOWN BENGALS
Byron! Randy! Good to see you both, sort of. Is it just me or is the Metrodome the darkest of all the domes? Wow, these passing stats look... familiar. Not many coaches can take a chest bump and live. FUMBLE! And here come the Jaguars, about to do it agai-FUMBLE! LINEMEN RUNNING WITH THE FOOTBALL. It never gets old, folks. Never.
TOUCHDOWN BROWNS
Here come... the Panthers?
TOUCHDOWN BENGALS
I think Ben's hit the rookie wall here. Fortunately, it's the Redskins, so 10 points ought to be plenty. What's happening there still doesn't make any sense. Is Duce ever coming back?
TOUCHDOWN BROWNS
It's The Year Of The Tight End, and these two are leading the charge. What makes a man decide: "You know, I think I'll try pro football instead." Hey, Dante! You forgot the ball! How does that happen? That's gotta be demoralizing. Ah, the Chiefs' defense. Gotta love it. Talk about your role reversals: nothing's gone right for the Chiefs, while everything's gone right for the Chargers.
TOUCHDOWN BENGALS
Dolphins-49ers: Fucking NEXT.
TOUCHDOWN BROWNS
James: "Saints are gonna win... less than two minutes left." Me: "They can still blow it."
TOUCHDOWN BENGALS
Now this is an ugly scene. Games like this in conditions like this are why you go out and get a Corey Dillon. Boller's getting smacked around like a pinata here. Hey, where's Deion been? *snickers* I still don't think they're losing again.
TOUCHDOWN BROWNS
It's the Willis McGahee Show! Man, the Seahawks just don't seem like they have any confidence right now. Here come the... Bills? I'd like to say right now that I can't see Travis Henry being traded to the Dolphins.
TOUCHDOWN BENGALS
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Champ Bailey; 2. Tyrone Wheatley; 3. Drew Henson; 4. Kelly Holcomb (400+ passing yards three times and LOST THEM ALL); 5. An AFC team with six wins or less.
TOUCHDOWN BROWNS
SNOW~~~~~~~~ This went about like you'd expect for the first 28 minutes, then everything went haywire. Wow, Porter's kicking Champ's ass tonight. Nice, Seabass. *rolls eyes* MORE linemen running with the football. What's going on here? Are the Raiders actually coming back? Maybe not. Or maybe SO. BLOCKED! Wow. I don't know if it was because of the rivalry or the national exposure but last year's Raiders would've quit. This may be Upset of the Year.
TOUCHDOWN BENGALS
Did anyone else get the sense that Madden wanted to say "...and Mike Martz is just a bad coach" but he knew he couldn't? Bonnie Bernstein on the radio, what a waste. Man, the Rams just can't do anything outdoors this year. Does anybody want to win the NFC West? Seriously? Could you at least fake it?
FANTASY REPORT:
XFLaPa: Disaster. Got spotted a 31-point lead against Nate (29-minus-2) and LOST because I got absolutely nothing from my awful RBs and he has LDT and Westbrook. So now I'm 6-6 and in eighth place (the last playoff spot), tied with Ska, and PLAYING Ska next week.
tSC: Had an even bigger lead on Spear and lew it thanks to McGahee, but Favre's huge MNF game brought me back. I'm 11-1 (W11) and a lock for the top seed in the playoffs. It'll be Johnny next week, then either Tyler or Aaron in the first round.
RANKINGS
TOP 3
1. Pittsburgh - Still rolling along
2. New England - What weather conditions?
3. Philadelphia - Going after bigger game
BOTTOM 3
30. Washington - No gas in this tank
31. Miami - In need of a time machine
32. San Francisco - Lynda: "It's like a Major League thing or something."
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