Sunday, December 22, 2024

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Left Over

Drake London breaks three tackles and scores. OK. Gotta say, Quinyon Mitchell covered Mike Evans a lot better than that. Did Koo kick his leg out with the 58-yarder last week? Touchdown Mooney, who has suddenly become great.

Even the TNF Twitch chat knows how "Vox Machina" is pronounced. Luda in the house! Evans falls on a Godwin fumble. McLaughlin tacks on three more. Lasers for Jimmy Carter's 100th. Big run by Bijan to end the third. Allgaier loses two yards on third and 2. Falcons go for it, and Mooney breaks a tackle and he's got his second touchdown tonight. We're tied at 27. McLaughlin puts the Buccaneers ahead. Koo from 54 to tie it. It's BLOCKED. He's had a weird night. Fumble! Falcons recover! Mooney with a bad drop. Lavonte David picks off Cousins! There's the prime time Kirk we know and love. Why couldn't he throw that against the Eagles? Life would be so much better. Bucs utterly squander this — 4th and 24? — then punt it into the end zone. McCloud fumbles and the ball goes out of bounds, which doesn't stop the clock. Falcons have to spike it with 21 seconds left. They throw it over the middle? What? Get down, London. They somehow spike it with a second left! Koo from 47 to tie. Delay of game on the Falcons? Terry McAulay's not sure why the Falcons thought the play clock would reset. It just doesn't happen in this situation. Now it's a 52-yarder. It's GOOD. Falcons win the OT toss. London's hurt? Cousins hits... Khadarel Hodge, who outruns the defense and scores!

Cousins threw for HOW many yards? 509? So much for this Bucs defense.

(Falcons 36, Buccaneers 30, OT)

Pick-six for... Van Ginkel? Wow, Aaron.


Reichard makes a 53-yarder to make it 20-10. Rodgers gets sacked. Darnold's been missing guys pretty badly this half. That's probably why the Vikings haven't done much since the first quarter. I also haven't seen them run the ball with Jones out. And then Darnold gets picked off! He's not good enough to actually complete that pass with three guys around Addison. Rodgers almost gives it back by making the same mistake. Wilson drops a touchdown but Stephon Gilmore was all over him and there's the obvious flag. Touchdown Wilson. Sauce still not on the field. Reichard makes it 23-17. Rodgers badly overthrows Wilson. Gilmore picks him off! Sam Darnold's gonna beat the Jets.

(Vikings 23, Jets 17)

The Colts are down Richardson, Taylor, and their entire starting defensive front. This felt like a game Doug had to win. (Jaguars 37, Colts 34)

Lamar drops the snap, picks it up, gets chased 20 yards back, runs to the near sideline, JUMPS, and somehow finds Likely for a touchdown! The Bengals' defense has cratered this season. It's shocking. Burrow gets picked off! Tucker from 56. It's GOOD. Overtime. Lamar FUMBLES! Bengals have it! A 53-yarder? I don't think this is a great idea. McPherson misses BADLY. Replay shows the holder dropped the snap and barely got the ball even somewhat stood up. HENRY. To the 5! Ravens waste no time and bring out Tucker for a chip shot 24-yarder. It's GOOD. (Ravens 41, Bengals 38, OT)


It's actually shocking how bad he's become. (Commanders 34, Browns 13)

Hey, maybe the Chiefs could trade for Romeo Doubs, who's been suspended for this game due to missing at least two practices last week and reportedly not being happy with his role. Love with a BOMB to Reed to the 1! Touchdown Jacobs. Stafford misses high on third and goal. They go for it, and Stafford misses high AGAIN. This punt snap almost goes over the Packers' punter's head, but he catches it, but the play is blown dead anyway. Blake Corum showing why Kyren Williams is the Rams' goal-line back. And Wiliams scores on the next play. Nantz says he grew up a ST. LOUIS Rams fan. Young gets to Love on a speed rush and bumps him in the end zone, then when Love tries to get rid of it, he throws it right to a Rams defender, who walks in for a touchdown. PAT is BLOCKED! Rams lead 13-10 at halftime. Williams fumbles and McKinney's on it. Love finds Tyler Kraft, who stiff-arms two guys and strolls into the end zone. Packers back in front, 17-13. McKinney with another interception. He's had one in every game this season? Replay assist gives Kraft his second touchdown of the game. The ball crossed the plane before his elbow hit. (Packers 24, Rams 19)

OH NO GIANTS. Rayshawn Jenkins picks up the fumble and returns it 101 YARDS for a touchdown. And then Daniel Jones just decided to go off. Seahawks try to tie it but it's BLOCKED. Giants pick it up. They're gonna score! JEBUS. (Giants 29, Seahawks 20)

Weather delay at the Confluence. That lightning bolt is RIGHT ON TOP of the stadium. It might be INSIDE it. At 8:35 Melissa reports that the teams are being sent food. Maria says what I'm thinking: "I don't think I would be able to eat before a game like this."


Jason Garrett at 9:11: "Every time we cut to the stadium, it's getting worse!" Now we're hearing a 9:45 kickoff. That's gotta be hell out there. The studio crew really wants to eat. We're going to the stadium! Celine Dion did the opening and got a Gatorade shower afterwards. 16 minutes to kickoff. Cris: "I've already ordered breakfast." Let Maria eat! Cowboys win the toss and... take the ball? That's happening a little more this season. Aubrey hits from 56 (!) Cowboys don't have Parsons or Lawrence, and they already can't stop the run. Boswell ties it. Cowboys get tricky and try to catch the Steelers off guard, but Dak throws it to nobody and gets called for intentional grounding. They also got a first down on the previous play but it was spotted short, and may have been changed if the Cowboys hadn't rushed it. Semualo gets pancaked and Fields fumbles, Tirico thinks the Cowboys have it, but Fields comes out of the pile with it. McCarthy challenges, which means he'll lose. He's so bad at this. Call STANDS because Fields recovered it. Sick catch by Lamb on the sideline. Watt and Herbig sack Dak, who coughs it up, and the Steelers recover to end the first quarter. T.J. gets credited with a half-sack, giving him 100 for his career. Dak to Jalen Tolbert for 48. Donte Jackson jumps in front of Lamb and picks it off at the 1! LOL.

Steelers are content to go into the locker room down 6-3. Fields gets pasted by Wheat and Kyle Allen's gotta come in for at least one play. He hits Freiermuth for 19 and then Fields returns. Touchdown Connor Heyward, who Fields missed for a potential big play earlier in the game. Boswell barely makes the PAT. Lamb was not happy with Dak about something on that last drive. Big play to Turpin. Minkah Fitzpatrick's not had a great night. Aubrey's field goal is blocked! Back-to-back false starts on the Cowboys. Rico Dowdle takes this pass into the end zone. Joey Porter Jr. picks off a Dak deep ball. Fields finds Pickens after looking off Najee Harris, and he gets hit out of bounds after a good pickup. Cris thought there may have been a pick, but the flag is on the Cowboys for a late hit out of bounds. Shovel pass to Freiermuth goes for a touchdown. Ferguson. HUNTER LUEPKE. The Steelers can't stick to anyone on defense any more, and if the Cowboys score a touchdown, they're going to run out of time. (We're somehow down to 52 seconds left.) Dak keeps it himself but doesn't make the pylon. Even McCarthy wouldn't call a pass play here, right? Tomlin lets 10 seconds run off the clock, as Dak was ruled down inbounds. Luepke gets rocked and fumbles! Dak falls on it, but the Cowboys are back at the 5. Tomlin calls their last time out. Dak throws low to Tolbert. Fourth and goal. Touchdown Tolbert! That's unfortunate. The Steelers jump offside twice on the PAT trying to time it for the block. It's finally kicked through. (Cowboys 20, Steelers 17)

Carr throws up a dying quail and Bryan Cook intercepts it. You still gotta cover Kelce, guys. Touchdown Kareem Hunt. She's here with her dad, just below the broadcast booth. Looking fancy tonight for some reason. Touchdown Shaheed. Weber State has football? The Chiefs' Wanya Morris and The Saints' Will Harris get hurt on back-to-back plays, and Morris is back in. Kelce hook and ladder?



And then Hunt picks up fourth and 1 after it was 2nd and 34. Butker field goal makes it 13-7. The ensuing Saints possession takes 20 seconds. Mahomes finds Juju and they're in field goal range. Now they're inside the 20. Exterior shot shows that Joe and Troy in fact, really are right above Taylor's suite. Chiefs get another field goal to end the half, and the ball to start the second half. Somehow that's apparently not DPI on Adebo against Worthy. Field goal is good. Paul Rudd asks Peyton about hating the Chiefs when he played for the Broncos, and Peyton says, yeah, you hate the Chiefs, the Raiders, and the Chargers when you're in Denver. Rudd's dad was one of those dads who left the game with 10 minutes left to beat the traffic. There's a flag on Adebo. Rudd predicts Kelce gets the touchdown here. Kelce comes out on second down, and Juju drops the pass right into the hands of Khalen Saunders, who is a very large man on the Saints who wears No. 50. He is RUMBLING. He takes it back to the 40!

Touchdown Foster Moreau. Rudd is sick, as he predicted that the Saints wouldn't score a touchdown here. Saints miss the extra point! It's 16-13. Hey, Archie's on! "Does Mom know you're doing this tonight?" Big catch and run by Juju. Touchdown Worthy off a direct snap to Kelce and Pop's on the board with his prediction. Here's some video of Peyton in eighth grade doing the tango poorly in a play. Mahomes dives for a first down while Carr is walked to the locker room. Another Butker field goal. Jake Haener in for the Saints. Mahomes says he'll be at the Royals game Thursday. (Chiefs 26, Saints 13)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:

1. Minnesota (5-0) — Overseas? No problem
2. Kansas City (5-0) — Easy enough, I suppose
3. Detroit (3-1) — Doesn't feel like a fluke to me
4. Houston (4-1) — FIFTY-NINE YARDS!

BOTTOM 4:
29. New England (1-4) — That loss to the Dolphins was a mess
30. Cleveland (1-4) — Is this sustainable?
31. Jacksonville (1-4) — A win!
32. Carolina (1-4) —Everyone here is in over their heads

Sunday, November 24, 2024

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: Broadly Brushed

Weird scheduling quirk here: the Cowboys going on the road on a short week. This never happens. The worst thing Malik Nabers can do for the Giants is the thing that he's doing — making Daniel Jones look passable. Wan'dale Robinson just falls down on third and 10. Greg Joseph, wearing No. 34, hits from 52. Rico Dowdle scores on a screen pass, but there's a flag. But they pick it up and the touchdown counts. Lamb breaks a tackle and that's too easy. The defender just gave up. 14-6 Cowboys. Here's one of Daniel Jones's biggest problems: He keeps making bad decisions. Deep ball to a covered Nabers almost gets picked off (and probably should have.) There's been a flag on almost every play since the Giants' third field goal. Kirk: "That's the eighth penalty now?" Al: "No, it's the 147th." Al, one minute later: "We're gonna need some new flags to throw in the second half, 'cause these are filthy." Then there are two more on the punt. Robinson can't outrun a linebacker and the Giants kick another field goal. Ooh, I like what Amazon just did putting the kicker in his own window on the kickoff while showing the whole field. Nabers converts 4th and 3 from midfield. Poor throw from Jones is too low and Slayton can't catch it on third and 14. Now what? 11:16 left and they kick it again, making it 17-15.

Singletary barely picks up fourth and short. Why was he seven yards back? Parsons down with 3:30 left. He gets helped off the field, and DeMarcus Lawrence has been out since the third quarter. Nabers can't bring it in on the sideline on fourth and 6. Wasn't Jones past the line of scrimmage anyway? Nabers slow to get up while Parsons is helped onto a cart. Diggs is also out. Aubrey misses the cover play! 28 seconds left but this Giants offense isn't capable of this. Hooker went for the pick but it was too high, and Robinson couldn't make him pay. And there's the interception. (Cowboys 20, Giants 15)

Signal Finder: MIN @ GB, PHI @ TB, KC @ LAC

Jordan Love is back about two weeks before expectations. I don't understand why the Packers let Aaron Jones leave and replaced him with an inferior back. Field goal CLANGS off the right upright. This is Darnold's first game at Lambeau? Huh. Stokes can't cover Jefferson, as demonstrated by that obvious DPI call. Darnold may have thrown that on purpose. What? Alexander's out? Yeah, that's bad, too. Touchdown Josh Oliver.


Christian Watson gets wrecked and Kamu Grugier-Hill gets the interception. Watson getting carted off. Jordan Addison scores on a jet sweep and it's 21-0 Vikings. Packers driving, but they miss another field goal! What happened to the guy they had last year? B-roll of... trees. Love gets picked off again! Touchdown Jefferson. Vikings challenge this Doubs catch and get it overturned. And on the NEXT play we've got another tough catch, this one by Wicks. It's called incomplete, the Packers challenge, and they lose. The Vikings muff the punt! That ball kept going and the returner lost it in the sun. The Packers ran it in but it won't count because it's a muff. Ball at the 3. Doubs is ruled not in the end zone and LaFleur is furious. He's also wrong, and he's also been flagged. Jayden Reed goes upstairs for a touchdown. Packers coming back? Tyler Kraft just scored after a Vikings fumble, giving them two touchdown in the last minute, as Wicks caught a pass from Love on the previous drive. It's 28-22. Murphy picks off Love in the end zone! The Packers get the ball back and turn it over again! Murphy punches it out and Bynum recovers. That's the story of this game. Vikings correctly challenge this Jefferson play on the sideline, because he dragged that left foot. That's actually O'Connell's third challenge he's won today. That reversal ended up taking at least three more minutes off the clock. Vikings get stopped on fourth and 1 at the Packers 4 with 2:18 left. Packers go down the field and get a touchdown in five plays. PAT is good and it's 31-29 with 56 seconds left. Onside kick... look, you pretty much know by now. Is this the best team in the league? (Vikings 31, Packers 29)

KOO FROM 58. Man, the Saints came back to earth pretty quickly. (Falcons 26, Saints 24)

It is HOT down there. Touchdown Mike Evans. Mayfield can't be stopped right now. Touchdown Trey Palmer and it's already 14-0. OMG a stop. Then the Eagles ruin it by pushing a defender into DeJean, making the refs pick up the fair catch interference flag and giving the Bucs the ball inside the 25.


Baker keeps it on fourth and goal and makes it 21-0 a minute into the second quarter. We're done here. Blankenship and Evans collide and Blankenship gets called for interference. Field goal makes it 24-0. Eagles finally getting some positive yards. Guy on the chain gang is down. Goedert! Barkley gets stopped three times from the 4. Now what? Play action and Parris Campbell eventually comes open for a touchdown. It's 94 degrees and the heat index is 108. This time Ringo runs into DeJean on this punt return. but Trotter Jr. grabs the ball to save it. 24-7 Bucs at halftime. Saquon breaks off a 59-yard run. PUSH IT. Touchdown Hurts. Bucky Irving? Really? PAT is BLOCKED and Ringo's gonna bring it back for two points! That will always be funny. A Hurts fumble, helped by a complete breakdown in pass protection, ends this drive and any chance of a comeback.

They don't win games without Lane Johnson. Also, they've lost four of their last five against Tampa and each one was worse than the last. The Buccaneers may just have their number. (Buccaneers 33, Eagles 16)

Bo Nix passed for 60 yards and the Broncos won. This is why the Jets will never be taken seriously. (Broncos 10, Jets 9)

Good for J.K. Dobbins being healthy finally. Herbert is laboring after that touchdown to Ladd McConkey (who is no relation to Phil.) I'm surprised he's playing on that ankle that hasn't been right since preseason. Mahomes gets intercepted! Then the Chargers player fumbles and the Chiefs get it back! But was Creed Humphrey out of bounds when he recovered it? No, but a Chargers player WAS, and Steratore explains that once that happens, the ball is ruled out of bounds, and that's why the Chargers keep it. Meanwhile, Mahomes apparently ran into a falling Rashee Rice, and Rice is hurt on the sideline. Bud Dupree's still in the league? Field goal makes it 10-0 Bolts. This is the first time ever that the reigning Super Bowl champion coach and the reigning NCAA national champion coach are facing each other in the NFL. Worthy! 52 yards! Chiefs pull Kareem Hunt out of mothballs. Butker misses from 65 to end the half. Reid on Rice, to Tracy: "It's not good." Dicker misses and that looked bad from the start. Still 10-7. Butker ties it at 10. Chargers go for it on fourth and goal from the 3, but they throw it for some reason. Romo doesn't really like the play call. Mahomes finds Noah Gray for 29. Touchdown Perine with six minutes left. Chris Jones with the sack on third down.


Chargers punt and that's probably game. Yep. (Chiefs 17, Chargers 10)

Derrick Henry takes it 87 yards to the proverbial house. Lamar finds Henry for another touchdown and it's 14-3. We've seen this before. Cris: "Justice Hill should be where the Supreme Court is." What? Tirico's in equal disbelief. Hill jukes some poor Bills defender and gets free for a touchdown catch. 21-3.


The Ravens call back-to-back timeouts and lose five yards because of it. Is this how it starts?

Still 21-3 at halftime. Allen gets chased from the pocket, almost goes out of bounds, and throws a strike to Shakir for 52! Ty Johnson scores on the next play and it's 21-10. We've seen this before. Bills try a double handoff and Allen fumbles and the Ravens recover! That play was doomed from the start. Curtis Samuel almost lost the ball before Allen got it knocked out of his hand.

Big run by Henry. Another big play by Hill. Touchdown Lamar. Another big run by Henry! Then he gets stuffed on first and goal. He fumbles into the end zone on third down, and after they unpile everyone, Patrick Ricard has it and it's 35-10. Trubisky in with seven minutes left. Josh Johnson comes in on the next Ravens drive. He played for Jim Harbaugh at University of San Diego! That was pre-Stanford! (Ravens 35, Bills 10)

This game's skippable. The only thing worth checking for is the weekly Will Levis meme. And we may not even get that tonight because he has a shoulder injury. Mason Rudolph's the backup?


How does this keep getting worse? On BOTH sides? (Titans 31, Dolphins 12)

Meanwhile, the Seahawks are down four starters across both lines. I don't think I like the black lion on the blue helmets, but the rest of this fit is choice. HUGE hole for Gibbs to the Seahawks 4. Montgomery keeps his feet on third down and scores. DK's second circus catch of the night is negated by offsetting penalties, then he fumbles on the next play! Carlton Davis returns it inside the 15! Gibbs takes it in to start the second quarter. These PATs have ben shaky but they've gone through. 14-0 Lions. Another ridiculous catch by DK but he's eventually ruled down at the 1. Kenneth Walker bounces it outside and scores. Kudos to ESPN for going back and getting a close-up shot of the face mask penalty. Gibbs gets his second touchdown of the night. Seahawks trying to get in for a long field goal try here? That quick out to DK left them with two seconds. Myers's 62-yard try is short. Geno picks up fourth and short on a regular sneak. Carlton Davis gets correctly called for interference on DK and he's LIVID. Two different Lions players have to back him away from the officials. Touchdown A.J. Barner. Good Lord, this play by Montgomery. Witherspoon hits him but he doesn't go down, then he breaks three tackles and gets a big block downfield. Tim Patrick's still in the league? Amon-Ra throws to Goff for a touchdown! Buck: "Who had that on the bingo card?!"


Walker finds the end zone for the Seahawks and it's 28-20. Another DPI call on Davis against DK on the two-point try. Replay after the fact shows he may have caught it? Also, I'm not sure why you'd go for two this early here. JAMESON WILLIAMS. 70 YARDS. Seahawks defense has been getting embarrassed on big plays tonight. Laviska Shenault's a Seahawk? Walker reverses field and scores to open the fourth. NOW you go for two. (But they don't.) Seahawks get a stop. Then they go for it from the Lions 38 on 4th and 3, get it, but Lockett gets called for OPI. Now they have to punt. Amon-Ra with a great toe-tapping catch for a touchdown that apparently was never signaled, but still counts. 42-27 Lions. Goff is 18 for 18, by the way. Anzalone drops an interception in the end zone. Geno wasn't ready for the snap on fourth and goal and he throws incomplete. Goff drops back for some reason, then scrambles to try to get out of the end zone. After a review, the refs change it to a safety, making it 42-29, which matters. Wait, the kickoff rules apply to free kicks? I mean, it makes sense, but it doesn't make sense that everyone would line up in the same spot as usual. Seahawks' last gasp ends with a pretty interception in the end zone by Kerby Joseph. Lions break an L6 against the Seahawks! Aikman wonders why Goff doesn't have a perfect quarterback rating. Buck's not even going to try to explain it. (Lions 42, Seahawks 29)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:

1. Minnesota (4-0) — They are right now, yeah
2. Kansas City (4-0) — Losing Rice could hurt bad
3. Detroit (3-1) — Doesn't feel like a fluke to me
4. Houston (3-1) — This step is always the hardest

BOTTOM 4:
29. New England (1-3) — What an odd sight this is
30. Cleveland (1-3) — Coming up short
31. Carolina (1-3) —Everyone here is in over their heads
32. Jacksonville (0-4) — Nothing's working so far

Monday, October 28, 2024

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: Eyes Aloft

2nd and 26? Good job, Jets. Also still not very good: the Patriots' offense. Dude on the Pats' defense just tried to give Breece Hall a gutbuster. It wasn't very good, and he got caught and flagged for unnecessary roughness. Touchdown LAZARD?

Um, Hall got in. What are we doing here? Call REVERSED. 14-0 Jets. Hall with three stiff-arms on one run. Rodgers just overthrows Garrett Wilson. Legatron shanks it left! That ball came out like a pancake. Brissett gets drilled on this Hail Mary attempt and it's 14-3 Jets at halftime. This isn't going to get any better, is it? Hey, a Drake Maye sighting. (Jets 24, Patriots 3)

Signal Finder: PHI @ NO, MIA @ SEA, BAL @ DAL

Malik Willis is lighting the Titans up. They did him no favors while he was there. Are they just bad? (Packers 30, Titans 14)

Feels like either a long day or a short one. Saints can't be stopped. Carter knocks down Carr's third down pass and the Saints kick the field goal, which takes a weird hook before going through.

Eagles do nothing. CJ comes up with this pass intended for Shaheed but it's ruled incomplete, ad he knocked it to the turf when he punched it out. Hurts to Goedert for 44! Hurts gets picked off by Honey Badger in the end zone! Olsen puts it on Smith for not running a better route.


Carter knocks down another pass. Hurts gets flushed out of the pocket and fumbles. This is a disaster. Becton and Lane Johnson go out for the Eagles on the same play? Not great! Pam reports that Lane's been sick and throwing up, and after the two-minute warning, we see Becton trying to work his left hand. Hurts takes off for 20. Now they're saying Lane's concussed. Meanwhile, Saints center Erik McCoy got hurt on their first drive and has been ruled out. They run a fake on the Shove on 4th and 1 and give it to Saquon, who goes left — but doesn't make it! Saints lead 3-0 at halftime. They go for it AGAIN and Hurts gets sacked. Sirianni and Moore haven't made a single right call in a crucial situation all day. Especially here, with two backup offensive lineman in, you have to kick the field goal here. I know you weren't expecting to end up in a rock fight, but you're in one, and you've got to act accordingly.

Quinyon Mitchell breaks up a pass he probably could have picked. Now Devonta's out with a concussion? That's what that cheap shot on him was.

SAQUON!~ 65 yards and the Eagles lead. They're really trying a 60-yarder here? Elliott kicks it right and it's not even close. Saints lose 15 after getting a first down due to unnecessary roughness. Now Slay's coming off. Touchdown Olave with nobody near him. Saints go for two and don't get it. 12-7 Saints with 2:09 left. It's over. GOEDERT?!? 60 yards down to the Saints' 5! Touchdown Barkley, and I'm not sure the Saints let them score there. Eagles line up to go for two and I'd just do that again. They do, and it works. 15-12 with 1:01 left. Interception by Blankenship! He's really good at those diving picks.

I don't see anything that'll overturn this. Call STANDS. What a completely undeserved win. But you take them any way you can get them.

Also, I just learned that's their first win in the Superdome in 17 YEARS. (Eagles 15, Saints 12)

What the hell, Texans? (Vikings 34, Texans 7)

Myers from 56? GOOD. Now Sanders will try from 57 but he pushes it left.


Geno with along ball to DK inside the 5. Touchdown Charbonnet. Myers misses from 53. Fourth and 39? Good job, Dolphins. Like, I said last week Tua shouldn't play again at least this season, but this season might be over if this keeps up. Now Skylar's down. Tim Boyle warming up. Skylar favoring his right arm and Boyle's in the game. Campbell knocks this pass from Geno into the air and Seiler comes up with it! The Dolphins get a break for once. Shot of Marino in a suite. Surprisingly, he is not on the phone with anyone, but there's a lot of game left. Charbonnet touchdown seals it. (Seahawks 24, Dolphins 3)

Cowboys win the toss and take the ball. They're out of sorts. Two false starts? Lamar scores on a keeper after a good drive. Aubrey hits from 65! Sicko behavior. Remember that 71-yarder he almost tried last week? Burkhardt says McCarthy wanted to do it but got talked out of it. Agholor jukes the rookie and gets 51 after the catch. Henry punches it on the second try. Cowboys put Parsons on top of the center on a blitz and he forces Lamar to throw short. This Dak play in the end zone is a lot: If it's intentional grounding, it's a safety, because Dak wasn't down, but the only Cowboy in the area was his left tackle. There also might be illegal touching, which is what they go with, giving the Cowboys a break. Cowboys cannot get a stop. Touchdown Bateman. They cut to Dak on the sideline and I thought he'd thrown a pick that led to this, but the Cowboys just couldn't stop the Ravens. Then a hold offsets the obvious pass interference in the end zone and the Cowboys have to settle for a 51-yard field goal.


Cowboys have nothing for Henry. And again. 26-yard touchdown and it's 28-6. Van Noy gets to Dak for the second time today. Dak follows up a bullet to Jake Ferguson by dropping the ball in the pocket. Brady's already done with the Cowboys. Tucker misses from 46 but I doubt it'll matter. Touchdown Tolbert. Cowboys go for two but don't get it. That is NOT roughing the passer. Touchdown Turpin and oh my God, are the Ravens about to do it AGAIN? Lamar keeps it and gets the first down! That's that. (Ravens 28, Cowboys 25)

Jauan Jennings has three touchdown against a Rams team that isn't very good. Atwell TOASTED Charvarius Ward. Touchdown Williams and we're somehow tied. That's a good punt. That's a BETTER return. Rams ball at midfield. So many flags, and the Rams take the one for pass interference that's 25 yards. Who's this guy? The guy that just won the game for the Rams, that's who. (Rams 27, 49ers 24)

Cool intro from Samuel L. Jackson talking about selling concessions for the first year of Falcons football while attending Morehouse College. I mean, the Eagles didn't leave Drake London THAT wide open last week. No Pacheco tonight for the Chiefs, as he's down with an ankle injury. Justin Simmons picks off Mahomes in the end zone! That's his sixth interception of Mahomes in his career. Mahomes pump fakes three times and finds Watson for a big first down. Touchdown Rice and we're tied. Cousins hits Pits down the sideline for 54! Bijan scores on the next play. They're not booing, they're saying "Koo." Bijan kicks a fumble out of bounds, which is definitely against the rules. Butker's third field goal puts the Chiefs in front. Touchdown Juju. Butker's PAT misses right, so it's 22-14.


Why are the flags at the top of the goal posts moving? It's a dome. The roof is open tonight. I stand corrected. Bates punches the ball out of Kelce's hands to force a punt. Snap goes high, Matt Ariaza (so this is where he ended up) manages to get the punt off, then Avery Williams fumbles it! But he's ruled down. Falcons driving. How does Cook NOT get called for DPI on Pitts? The Falcons pass on the field goal and Cousins and London can't connect again. Nick Bolton does what CJGJ did on Monday night. Difference is, now the game's over. (Chiefs 22, Falcons 17)

Allen hits rookie Keon Coleman in stride and it's 20-3 Bills. Damar Hamlin with the interception! Crowd goes NUTS. Lawrence overthrew Brian Thomas and there it was. Khalil Shakir makes a Jaguar miss and he takes off. He's tacked at the goal line and falls into the end zone. 27-3 Bills.


Touchdown Ty Johnson and it's 34-3 at halftime. Not that it matters, but the Jaguars had goal to go and ended up at the 18 on fourth and goal, and Von Miller murdered the right tackle.

It's gotten bad for the Jaguars. Trent Baalke may be the worst GM in the league. Press Taylor is a Chris Jericho-esque albatross. Doug may have been the worst coach in the league his last year in Philadelphia. Trevor Lawrence looks lost. Mac Jones fumbled. No, that actually just happened. (Bills 47, Jaguars 10)

Bomb to Chase and the Bengals are on the board first. Commanders strike back with a Brian Robinson touchdown. Tee Higgins back? Commanders back on the move. Wait, that's where Austin Ekeler ended up? He's got a touchdown and the Commanders have got the lead. MacPherson makes it 14-10. You know who's been good tonight is Jayden Daniels. And he just threw a bomb to McLaurin for 56! Then he keeps it and scores. BIG MAN TOUCHDOWN for reserve lineman Trent Scott.


Chase Brown with a tough run. Burrow just overthrows Higgins and he can't get both feet down. They go for it and Iosivas just gets over the line. You don't need to go for two just yet, Bengals. But they do and get it. 28-20. Daniels SLIDES! Stop the presses! Dude was notorious for having zero disregard for his own body in college. Field goal makes it 31-20. CHASE! These guys can't cover him one-on-one. Two-point try fails and it's 31-26 with 9:42 left as the Bengals beg for a flag they should have gotten. Zach Ertz as a Commander is just wrong. But him as the safety valve on 4th and 5? That's right. Touchdown McLaurin! He's set Taylor-Britt on fire tonight. Daniels got absolutely pasted on that throw, too. These defenses have been not good. That's interference. Bengals get a touchdown but the onside kick fails. They're 0-3 and they've got problems. No turnovers or punts? What? (Commanders 38, Bengals 33)

Saturday, October 5, 2024

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: Cutting Three Ways

Josh Allen's hand is all kinds of wrapped up. Al describes Tyreek's Sunday as "a weekend he'll never forget." Really? Interception! Pass went off the receiver's shoulder pads and right to a Bills defender. Herbstreit points out that the receiver's really new here. Bills go for it on fourth down and James Cook is wide open for an easy touchdown. Touchdown Achane. Bills get another pick as the receiver stops and Benford doesn't. That was a weird way to announce the important folks on this field goal. 10-7 Bills. Wait. 24-7? Cook just scored again but did I miss a touchdown? The Bills have won four of their last five against the Dolphins and it looks like this is headed for five out of six. This is... not the greatest clock management. At least they made the field goal at the end of all that. 24-10 Bills at halftime. Oh, Jesus. Pick-six and that's one's Tua's fault alone. 31-10 Bills.

Well shit. Is Skylar Thompson still the backup? And what was Tua thinking there, running directly into Hamlin like that? Man, the discourse postgame is more heavily slanted towards "he shouldn't play again" than it's ever been. I think he should sit for the rest of the season at minimum. And given how the Dolphins' offense falls off a cliff when he's out, well... this may turn out to be a franchise-altering night. (Bills 31, Dolphins 10)

Signal Finder: NO @ DAL, NYJ @ TEN, NYG @ WSH (end), LV @ BAL (end), CIN @ KC

Saints march down the field on the opening drive. Touchdown Kamara. That's concerning.


Dak missing deep late. That one that was intended for Lamb (and that the refs only called offensive holding on) was uncatchable. The ball wasn't even on screen during the replay. Aubrey hits from 52. The Saints immediately come back with a bomb to Shaheed for a 70-yard touchdown! 14-3.
Saints have to kick off from their 20 after a penalty on the PAT, which means they have to kick it to Turpin. Good return to near the 40. Good drive for the Cowboys ends with a sack on third and 10. Another kick makes it 14-6. Screen to Kamara and he's got blockers. He's gonna go! Touchdown Saints! This is not last year's Saints offense and the Cowboys are in the spin cycle. Two Saints get crossed up, Lamb slips through them and he's gone. All this motion is wrecking the Cowboys. Kamara down the sideline! Kamara gets to the edge and there's another touchdown. He's not as fast as he used to be, but he can still move it. Now Dak gets picked off! The receiver fell down and we've got a return here, too. Saints start at the Cowboys' 20. Olave with a leaping catch at the 1! Carr sneaks it in. It's 35-13. It seems like the Cowboys have a truly embarrassing home loss every other season. Kamara breaks a tackle, bounces it outside, and scores! That's his fourth touchdown! And now Zack Martin's being helped off the field. Carr gets picked off by Donovan Wilson and is there a chance here? Zack Martin back in. And the Cowboys give it right back! Honey Badger jumped right in front of that pass. Well, that's that.

(Saints 44, Cowboys 19)

Will Levis isn't good.



So here's what happened: Harlan's calling 49ers-Vikings and threw to the studio for a Game Break, and you can hear Nate Burleson saying "I can't hear you." So Harlan just called the highlight of Levis's touchdown to Calvin Ridley to tie the game, then went right back to his own game. Legend. Braelon Allen (who?) goes in untouched from 22 yards and the Jets lead with 4:43 left. The Jets... can't tackle Levis? Sack! Fourth and goal from the 16. Incomplete. Tyler Boyd's a Titan? I missed that. Kind of like he missed that catch. I'm sorry, that was mean. (Jets 24, Titans 17)

Daniel Jones threw a touchdown pass? To a fellow Giant? Stop the presses. We come to Giants-Commanders tied at 18 right after the two-minute warning. Malik Nabers is mad about something. Giants can't contain Robinson. Austin Siebert on for his seventh(!!!) field goal try today. It's GOOD! The Commanders scored 21 points and won with no touchdowns. This is an indictment, but I'm not sure of who. (Commanders 21, Giants 18)

The Raiders came back after a bad start and we're somehow tied with 2:39 left when CBS arrives. That's a terrible punt. And then a Ravens player went out of bounds on the kick, so it's five yards shorter. That may be the game. Ravens call their last time out with 1:57 left. Raiders go ahead with 27 seconds left. Likely can't bring it in on the far sideline. One second left. Lamar starts pitchy pitchy woo woo with a 35-yard run by himself, but there's an illegal forward pass in there somewhere. Catalon: "The game is over, and so are a lot of survivor pools in this country." (Raiders 26, Ravens 23)

Burrow finds Gesicki, who finds room after coming across the field and gets inside the 10. Chiefs hold and the Bengals settle for three. Chiefs making it look easy. Pacheco! Mahomes slips on fourth and 1 but still gets the ball to fullback Carson Steele, who gets the first down. This time the Bengals hold and the Chiefs can only tie it. Mahomes gets picked off to end the first quarter.


Touchdown Iosivas! Did he get that right foot down? He did. Mahomes dives for a first down. Rice beats Taylor-Britt down the sideline for an easy score. Refs miss defensive pass interference, then Steele fumbles on the next play and the Bengals recover. Chiefs accept this offensive holding penalty to make it 3rd and 14. Romo says it's risky. The Bengals get nine yards back and McPherson hits from 48. Butker from 68?? Yeah, I doubt they'll actually do this. Tracy says he hit from 66 in practice. Yeah, here comes the punt team. Kelce gets to the 1. Touchdown... Wanya Morris? From Boys II Men? Chiefs lead. Now the Bengals are driving. This feels like an important goal line stand. Bengals go for it from the 3, as they probably should against the Chiefs. Touchdown Iosivas AGAIN. PAT goes wide right, and that WILL matter later. Taylor-Britt wins round 2 with a leaping interception. Burrow fumbles? Touchdown Chiefs? Let's see. The camera from the far end zone seems to show that the balls out. Touchdown! Two-point try fails and it's 23-22 Chiefs. Chase is angry about something on the sideline. Nantz wonders if he thought his face mask was grabbed or if he thought he was getting hip drop tackled. And HE just got hit with a penalty. Two minutes left. Kelce gets the first down, but it's erased by a holding call. Fourth and 16. Incomplete... but there's a flag, and that's DPI.

Yeah. It's not even Hanlon's Razor because the call was correct. It's just that this keeps happening.

Butker from 51. It's GOOD! (Chiefs 26, Bengals 25)

This is the first Sunday Night Football game in Houston in five years. Roof is OPEN. The hook for this matchup is Williams vs. Stroud, and their moms do the intro. Santos DOINKS one off the crossbar camera but it still goes through to tie it 3-3. After the commercial Tirico says that the camera is mounted on the back of the crossbar so that if the ball does hit it, you know the kick is good. Texans go for it on fourth and 1, roll Stroud out, and he finds the tight end for a first down. Touchdown Collins. Bears blow a challenge on an obvious Diggs catch. Stroud with a ridiculous throw on the run to Collins. Diggs is ruled short of the first down, and I'm disappointed they're kicking the field goal here. It's 6 inches! Then the Bears go for it on about the same distance from their own 40. Are we sure Herbert got that? Tirico recalls the nutty last week of the 2022 season that started the ball rolling on all of this. Marcedes Lewis is STILL playing? Graphic shows he was taken five picks before DeMeco Ryans, WHO NOW COACHES THE TEXANS. Touchdown Herbert, the Bears' offense's first of the season. This Collins catch on the sideline... hmmm. Booth looks at it, and the call STANDS. Then the Texans false start and they may be out of field goal range. Fairbairn from 59. It's GOOD! I forgot he has a 61-spot on his belt. Chain gang guy is down? He backed up because a play was coming in and fell backwards and hit his head, Melissa says. Caleb throws a bad pick, but the Texans got caught holding. We got a situation on the Bears sideline after Caleb gets hit on it. He was more inbounds on this one that he was on an earlier one. Oh, the refs missed Al-Shaair throwing a punch. He absolutely should have been tossed.



Then Will Anderson sacks Caleb to end this drive. This is a McCarthy-esque challenge by Eberflus on this would-be interception. That ball hit the ground. Now Caleb throws a pick that'll stand. Fairbairn from 53 makes it 19-10. Lassiter gets Caleb AGAIN, and that might be it even with 12:55 left. He may have been trying to throw it away and just didn't throw it high enough. FUMBLE? Bears are adamant they have it. Bears recover at their own 3! That Caleb scramble is the longest play of the night. Late intentional grounding flag comes out. Kmet picks up the first down. Caleb misses D.J. Moore and the Bears have to try a 54-yarder. It's good.

Bears will get one more chance after all. Caleb under pressure AGAIN. Yeah, this isn't happening. (Texans 19, Bears 13)

A quarterback draw on third and 9? OK then. Bijan is spinny. Grant Calcaterra getting some run early. The Falcons can't tackle Saquon. Hurts had Goedert for a moment. They're going for it on 4th and 4? This is a bad decision. Incomplete. I thought Mitchell had that interception. Allgaier making moves. Bijan just drops the ball but he gets back on it. Cousins pulls his pass back for some reason and gets one yard on third down. Field goal is good. Everyone remains 0 for third down. Hurts takes it himself and converts fourth and 3. Really? We're calling delay of game for that? The Eagles haven't done a great job protecting Hurts, but he escapes again and gets 15 on third and 11. Touchdown Smith!


Refs pick up a holding call on the Falcons. Graham sacks Cousins, but the refs call illegal contact on Dean. No one has covered McCloud in two weeks. He gets flagged for grabbing CJ's face mask after CJ ripped his mouthpiece out.

Falcons running over the Eagles now. But they get a stop on first down, and two Cousins incompletions follow. Field goal is good.

Boathouse Row in green tonight. 7-6 Eagles at halftime. Falcons come out running again to start the third quarter. Milton Williams with a sack on third and goal. Field goal puts the Falcons up 9-7. Jason Kelce joins Buck and Aikman in the booth. Buck announcer jinxes Hurts into a sack. He recovers with a nice throw to Smith. Smith with another juggling catch. Eagles quickly shift this field goal try into a fake, but Jason correctly calls that they're just trying to trick the Falcons into a penalty here. It doesn't work, and Elliott kicks a 29-yarder. Footage of Jason and Lane Johnson at WrestleMania. Falcons going for it on 4th and 4 and Cousins finds McCloud. Darnell Mooney wrecks CJGJ for a touchdown, first putting a move on him, then breaking a bad tackle attempt. Falcons go for two but the pass is broken up. Hurts finds Covey on the run. Shove time! Got it. Kelce: "I don't miss that play. Not one bit." This game is flying by. Hurts takes off again. Barkley's knee is down on this catch, and he's short, but they do get the first down. Barkley fantasy owners in shambles. Shove for six. Eagles go for two here. They give it to Barkley, and I'm not sure he made it. I think he jumped too early. Officials say he got it! Oh, there it is on the second effort. Eagles up 18-15. Pitts gets stopped short of the marker. Falcons go for it and Bijan gets stuffed! Screen to Barkley gets a first down. Barkley is ruled short of the first down after the two minute warning, which Aikman says actually helps the Eagles, because the Falcons will have to burn a time out here. A Falcons player just jumps offside. Absolutely intentional. The Eagles smartly decline it. Shove is successful again. Saquon drops a third down pass, and Elliott makes a 28-yarder after Braden Mann controls a bad snap. Zero pressure on Cousins and the Falcons are in the red zone in four plays.

Touchdown Drake London. An unsportsmanlike conduct flag for celebration makes this PAT 48 yards but Koo's not gonna miss it after that. Hurts throws deep under pressure and Bates picks it off. Cousins has won four of his last five Monday night starts? Huh. Both teams got what they deserved. (Falcons 22, Eagles 21)

Sunday, September 15, 2024

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 1: The Recipe

And we start off with... a weather delay? Apparently there's LIGHTNING, and we won't get going until 8:40. We kick off on time! Ravens get the ball first after the kickoff lands in the end zone. Flag on the first play. They get Ronnie Stanley for lining up too far back off the line of scrimmage. Cris notes that the league said they were going to emphasize that this season, which means they'll be ignoring it completely by Week 5. Didn't the Ravens sign Derrick Henry so that Lamar wouldn't have to do this any more? Touchdown 22. They give Xavier Worthy the ball on a reverse and he just kind of runs just a little faster than anyone else. Touchdown on his first NFL touch and it's 7-7.

CRIMES. Justin Madubuike changed his name to Nnamdi on Tuesday. Lamar fumbles and its Chiefs ball in the red zone already. Butker makes the field goal. No targets for Travis yet. Agholor whiffs on a block, thwarting the Ravens going for it on fourth down. Mahomes finally finds Travis on a busted play on third and 12. And there's our first shot of Taylor. Mahomes just broke Len Dawson's career passing yards record. Tucker MISSES from 53! We're done here. Mahomes gets picked off! Tucker hits and it's 13-10 at halftime. Chiefs suddenly finding holes in the Ravens' defense. LOL Pacheco kept that pile on its feet for about 10 seconds before finally scoring.

Mahomes pulls a Lamar and catches his own pass, but he does it with two guys on him. Ravens will have another shot. Lamar finds Bateman at the 11! Was he touched? (Yes.) Likely is hurt in the end zone after Lamar overthrows him. Don't you have to spike it there? Oh no, Flowers was wide open and didn't see it? No, that was a bad throw. LIKELY??? That's close. That's SO CLOSE. That first foot might be on the line. Call REVERSED. Wow. (Chiefs 27, Ravens 20)

This is BRAZIL!


Gotta love loopholes. Sao Paulo has 23 million people? Dude named Zeeba's singing the anthem. Both teams had 12 men on the field, negating this Jayden Reed touchdown. I don't think I've ever seen that. Rookie Quinyon Mitchell with good coverage on Watson. Packers go for it on 4th and 6, but they jump, and now they'll punt. Saquon slips on his first carry and loses five yards. Hurts throws late into triple coverage and ex-Giant Xavier McKinney picks it off. Baun with a sack, but Jalen Carter gets called for a personal foul. Sloppy game so far. Packers get three out of it. Early snap hits the ground and the Packers recover. Eagles stuff Jacobs on third and 1, but he gets fourth and 2 after a second push. OPI on Doubs. And now Watson slips in the end zone or he'd have had a touchdown. Hey, an Eagles first down! Another one! Shove time? Hard count draws the Packers offside. Hurts lofts one to Saquon for a touchdown! I say "lofts" but it was basically perfectly placed.

Packers burn their last time out with 10:24 left in the second. Jet sweep to Reed and this one will count. Two-point try is stuffed. MOTION!!! The first real Shove is successful.

Saquon! Love then finds a wide-open Reed for a 70-yard score. Hurts finds Smith on 4th and 3. Elliott field goal ends the half. 19-17 Packers. Bomb to A.J.! Touchdown! Refs letting nothing go. DPI on Maddox leads to a Watson touchdown. Blankenship with a diving interception! Three touchdowns for Saquon! CLANG and it's still 31-26 as the third quarter ends. Another bad Hurts decision and Jaire Alexander intercepts him in the end zone. Someone cover Reed. Why throw there? And an ineligible man downfield on top of it. Holding on the Packers bails them out.

Shouldn't the Packers be using their time outs here? Hurts to Smith for a first down. And AGAIN. That's ballsy but it worked. Elliott is money. The Packers return this kickoff out of the end zone? That wasn't smart. And again NO ONE covers Reed. Love down after the next play. Five seconds left. Love is helped off, as well as center Josh Byers. Malik Willis is the new backup and he's got the arm for a Hail Mary. He slips and Zack Baun brings him down to end it. Jebus. (Eagles 34, Packers 29)

Signal Finder: PIT @ ATL, NE @ CIN, ARZ @ BUF (end), TEN @ CHI (end), JAX @ MIA (end), DAL @ CLE

BIG news morning. Tyreek gets detained on his way to the game, the Cowboys finally reach a deal with Dak (more on that later) and Kendrick Lamar's doing the Super Bowl halftime. Suck it, Drake.


So let's break this down: The Steelers signed Russell Wilson after the Broncos cut him. Then they traded for Justin Fields when the Bears decided they were drafting Caleb Williams. Wilson then beat Justin Fields for the starting quarterback job. But he suffered a calf injury, so Fields is going to start. Meanwhile, the Falcons signed Kirk Cousins, who suffered a torn Achilles tendon last season, to a four-year contract. Then they drafted quarterback Michael Penix Jr. with the No. 8 overall pick. Got all that? Bijan's getting touches? Whoa. Things ARE different. Also, and I forgot about this, Arthur Smith, who the Falcons fired after least season, is the Steelers' new offensive coordinator. Steelers having snap problems. Boswell from 57(!!) to tie it at 3. Why is Ray-Ray McCloud the Falcons' best player right now? Steelers offside on a Cousins fumble. Touchdown Pitts! Is that his first one?

So the Steelers' punter took a long time to get that off, and there's a flag. It looks to me like the Falcons player was blocked into the punter. They call holding on the STEELERS and they have to punt again, but this guy is hurt. There's no way he can kick this. Boswell's gonna come in to punt. Cousins gets picked off! That's why I'm out on the Falcons. You KNOW you can't trust that man. Boswell makes it 18-10 with his sixth(?!) field goal of the day with 28 seconds left. (Steelers 18, Falcons 10)

Jamar Chase is out with an illness? Yeah, he's sick of Mike Brown's cheap ass. Burrow fumbles the snap but falls on it. Oh, he's playing? Never mind, then. Mike Gesicki hits the Griddy after an apparent touchdown, but it's overturned on review. Then Hudson fumbles on his way into the end zone and the Patriots recover! The Bengals are SO back. Fumble on a punt return? The Bengals are ABSOLUTELY back. Joey Slye makes it 13-0 Patriots. And the Patriots will run it out. You know what? Good for Jerod Mayo. (Patriots 16, Bengals 10)
So Sam Darnold completed his first 10 passes against the Giants.


You can guess how the rest of this went. (Vikings 28, Giants 6)


Simone BIles's husband just returned a blocked punt for a touchdown! What the hell, Levis? Pick-6 and the Bears lead. This is only the fourth time that the No. 1 pick has won the season opener in his debut. And the Bears didn't score a single offensive touchdown! (Bears 24, Titans 17)

Bills go up six with two minutes left. Oh, that's a bad drop. Why is Greg Dortsch the target there? You drafted Marvin Harrison Jr. for a reason. (Bills 34, Cardinals 28)


Sanders from 52. It's GOOD! And it all stems from Etienne's goal line fumble, which would have put the Jags up 27-7. Apparently after the game, Calais Campbell said he got put in cuffs by the same cops who stopped Tyreek. What the hell's going on down there? (Dolphins 20, Jaguars 17)

The Broncos have TWO safeties? In the SAME QUARTER?


Yeah, they're gonna be bad again this year, too. (Seahawks 26, Broncos 20)

So the Cowboys gave a guy who's never been to a conference championship game in eight years as a starter an $80 million signing bonus and $231 million guaranteed. This feels like the definition of insanity. Cowboys get the ball first.


Offensive holding, then a sack. Then a crappy punt that's returned into Cowboys territory. Then the Browns false start on 4th and 2. They're still going for it? Why are they trying to get the Cowboys to jump on 4th and 7? Just kick the field goal, you clowns. Hopkins hits from 51. Lamb wins that battle against Ward for a 44-yard gain. The Browns lose Cooks and he catches an easy touchdown. Mike Periera's back! Ward wins round 2 with a near-pick. These Brady promos are weird as hell. "Why don't you buy a soccer team?" "Got one." (I did not know he bought a stake in Birmingham City.) Did they rule that a catch? That's not a catch, and they expedited the review and realized it wasn't. Touchdown Zeke, which is all he's good for at this point. Tip drill pick for Eric Kendricks.

Why are they showing Brady watching his own Tostitos commercial? That was Edelman? The Cowboys brought Aubrey on to try a 66-yarder, he HIT it, but they didn't get it off in time. They're going for 71! Now the Browns call time. They're not gonna do this. They don't. 20-3 Cowboys at halftime. I know he doesn't have Chubb or his two starting tackles but Watson's looked terrible. Turpin with a punt return for a touchdown. Refs forget to give the Browns a first down. Christ. It's SECOND and goal. How did this happen? Touchdown Jerry Jeudy, which may be his first career one. (He was bad in Denver.)

(Cowboys 33, Browns 17; Buccaneers 37, Commanders 20)

Oooh, a new arrangement. I like it. Calvin Johnson doing the intro. Lions are jacked up. Good Rams drive suddenly gets throws into reverse. Third and 23? Sure. If I'm the Lions I'd be using Montgomery more in these short yardage situations. Good juke by Gibbs, though. Oh, this is close. Refs say no. Call REVERSED. Touchdown Lions. Bad throw by Stafford under pressure and he's picked in the end zone. Puka Nakua is out after being hurt earlier, coming back, and getting hurt again. Touchdown Jameson Williams, who put a double move on Tre'Davious White and set him on fire. If he's figured it out... Touchdown Kyren Williams. Yeah, that's interference. Lions hold Rams to three, which will matter later. John Johnson picks off Goff. Did he hold on? I think he did. Call STANDS. Rams ball. OK, that's great footwork by Kupp. The Rams did the Lions a favor by hurrying to get that next play off, because the Lions would have challenged it, and they would have lost. Touchdown Kupp and the Rams lead. This Gibbs run is interesting — if he's ruled down inbounds, does either team call timeout to save 10 seconds? He is, and they don't. Goff can't hit Gibbs, so they settle for a field goal try. We're tied 20-20 with 17 seconds left. Carlton Davis watches an interception go through his hands. Hutchinson sacks Stafford and we're going to overtime. Montgomery with a 31-yard blast. He's certainly fresh. Have the Lions attempted a pass on this drive? And should they, seeing how they're rolling the Rams here? Touchdown Montgomery! (Lions 26, Rams 20, OT)

No McCaffery? Uh-oh. Jets get the ball first. We're on a snap count. Even Buck's on it after two three-and-outs. (Also, Leonard Floyd, who took Rodgers out last year, is a 49er this year.) Warner punches the ball out of Breece Hall's grip and the 49ers have it. Deebo wearing 1 now. Moody puts the Niners on the board. Big catch by Garrett Wilson over Lenoir. Touchdown Hall on a drive that was all him and Wilson. Nice run by Jordan Mason, yet another undrafted (in his case) or low-drafted guy that a Shanahan has gotten a lot out of, as Buck mentions. And this 49ers' offesnsive line isn't even that great outside of Trent Williams. Double reverse to open the second quarter gets blown all the way up, but Deebo manages to salvage enough that the 49es can still try a kick.


It's good from 51. Mason slashes through for a touchdown, but Deebo gets caught holding. Redemption! Touchdown Deebo and it's 13-7 49ers. They'll get the ball to start the second half after another field goal. This Jets defense is gassed. They can't get a stop! Touchdown Mason. Interception! Rodgers had to rush that throw a little and Lenoir tipped it to a teammate.

Talk turns to the Hasson Reddick situation, which was COMPLETELY AVOIDABLE. Moody CLANGS one in from 53. Rodgers with a strike to Lazard on a free play. He can't keep getting away with this. They give it to Hall but he doesn't make it. 26-13. Legatron's kick hits in the landing zone before rolling in to the end zone, so it's 49ers ball at the 20. Jets can't convert third and 1 or fourth and 1.
Moody is 6 for 6. 32-13 with 4:20 left. This was a roasting. Wait. Is this...

It is! (49ers 32, Jets 19)