Tuesday, January 31, 2023

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 18: At Both Ends

So, after all of... that... how do you just get back to business? That's one way, I guess, as McKinnon scores on a pass play to give the Chiefs a 7-0 lead. Thornhill picks off Stidham. Jacobs stumbles but still manages to convert third and 1. Ameer Abdullah's still around? Raiders go for it because why not, but the pass is incomplete. Mahomes scrambles on third and 10 for a first down, with the ball coming out at the end. Reid empties the playbook but the touchdown gets called back, only for Toney to score on a reverse on the next play.

Raiders are collapsing. Two guys move on an illegal shift and Stidham gets sacked and fumbles. Chiefs ball at the Raiders' 30 with nine seconds left. Butker's 44-yarder makes it 24-3 Chiefs at halftime. They're not gonna blow this.

(Chiefs 31, Raiders 13)

DUUUUVAAAAAL. More instrumental anthems, please. Titans go three and out after getting the ball first. Zay Jones loses his footing after nine yards on third down and the Jaguars punt. Robert Woods on the return? OK. Buck mistakenly identifies Burks as Westbrook-Ikine (I think the stadium PA announcer also did this) , then cops to it on the next play. Aikman: "First mistake in 20 years." Dobbs has to throw it away on third and 3 from the Jags' 48. They go for it on fourth down and Dobbs gets it to Hooper. Completion to Woods gets another first. Burks makes a catch, then seems to throw it up to another Titans player, but that's an illegal forward pass, which will set up a 51-yard field goal. Now Etienne just slips for no reason. Reverse to Agnew is mishandled and the Titans recover!

Touchdown Okonkwo! Agnew with a big kickoff return past midfield. Christian Kirk beats Roger McCreary and Lawrence has excellent protection, leading to an easy touchdown. Dobbs scrambles left for 11. Buck figures that Dobbs' intangibles must be solid for him to have stuck around as long as he has without any starts under his belt. Bullock puts the Titans up 13-7 at halftime. Lawrence sneaks it and Aikman's still not sure he got the first down. I think I see it. Kirk with a diving catch for another first down. Lawrence misses a wide-open Zay Jones in the end zone by a LOT and the Jags have to settle for three. Henry halfback pass is incomplete and it draws a sketchy DPI flag. Bullock is good from 41. Big Henry run is called back because of a hold. Jaguars get an interception off an underthrown pass, and Tyson Campbell returns it to the Titans' 26.
Lawrence throws incomplete under pressure on third down. 16-13 Titans early in the fourth. Jaguars get a 22-yard punt return but can't do anything with it. That's a great punt. Titans force another punt. If Lamar's healthy, one of these teams is simply playing to get smoked next weekend. Dobbs it hit from behind, and the Jaguars pick it up and score. Is it a fumble, though? It should be and it IS! Touchdown The Other Josh Allen! 20-16 with 2:51 left. Titans get to midfield at the two-minute warning. This is where Vrabel makes his worst coaching mistakes, FYI. Pocket collapses and Dobbs fumbles but the Titans recover. False start. They throw short to Hassan Haskins (???) on fourth and 14 and he doesn't get there! Aikman notes that Dobbs didn't see Burks down the field. Jaguars taking knees. They go in on a W6, while the Titans end on an L7.
Tough scene. (Jaguars 20, Titans 16)

Signal Finder: NE @ BUF, NYJ @ MIA, BAL @ CIN (end), NYG @ PHI, DAL @ WSH

The. Opening. Kickoff. You can't write this stuff.

Mac backs into Greg Rousseau for a sack on third down. Things seem to have settled emotionally, as much as they can, at least. Pats driving. Refs confer on this Meyers catch and eventually decide it's a touchdown. I think it'll hold up. It does and we're tied.
Diggs with great awareness, moving his head at the last possible second to see the ball coming. Allen has plenty of time to find Knox for a touchdown. Ed Oliver gets away with jumping offsides. CBS has eschewed the crawler for three score bugs for Jets-Dolphins, Ravens-Bengals, and Browns-Steelers. Stevenson goes over 1,000 yards. Pats doing a lot here, and it ends with a wide-open Devante Parker for a touchdown. Allen gets pressured into throwing a costly interception. Tied at halftime. White picks off Mac at the Bills' 1! But Singletary fumbles two plays later and McCourty recovers for the Patriots! Field goal puts the Pats in front. OH MY GOD YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS. Nyheim Hines just returned his second kickoff for a touchdown TODAY. And the Bills are right back in front.
The Goodells are here. That's the second two-kickoff return touchdown game since Leon Washington for the Seahawks in 2010. Allen rolls right and fires downfield at the last second for... John Brown? He's back? Touchdown! He was on the practice squad after being their leading receiver three years ago. Pats go for it on fourth and 1 from the Bills 36 because they don't have much choice. It's a pass to Meyers for 10. Touchdown Parker! That's his second today and third of the year. What a disappointment he's been. They go for two but it doesn't work. Allen with a ridiculous throw to Diggs for a 49-yard touchdown. Deep ball to Parker goes off his helmet. Oh no, a Bills player touched this punt and it's a live ball. Patriots have it. Mac throws too high and Milano picks it off in the end zone. Nantz calls the Dolphins go-ahead field goal on a slight delay. Bills take knees to end it. Romo says it's likely the end for Patriots special teams ace Matthew Slater, and Nantz adds that McCourty's future is also up in the air. Hines facetiming someone on the field. (Bills 35, Patriots 23)


Then they got another pick-six. Now Ehlinger's thrown another interception. The Colts came all the way back. My goodness. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, TEXANS? DON'T GO FOR TWO! Oh my God. They got it.
And Lovie got fired after the game. (Texans 32, Colts 31)

The Bears started Nathan Peterman, then went to Tim Boyle in the second quarter. Guess who's on the clock! (Vikings 29, Bears 13)


The Panthers scored their touchdown on a fumble recovery in the end zone. Pineiro from 42. It's GOOD! And the Eagles secure a top-10 pick! (Panthers 10, Saints 7)

Joe Flacco starts for the eliminated Jets, for some reason. Sanders field goal is the first points of the game with 5:25 left in the first half. FOX is doing a similar thing to CBS, but without Ravens-Bengals. Flacco delivers a strike under pressure to Tyler Conklin. Field goal ties it at 3. This is the first matchup of two quarterbacks wearing No. 19 since Joe Montana vs. Scott Mitchell in 1993. Mostert on an end around for 21. Skylar Thompson got hit low on an incompletion, forcing a field goal, and now he's in the medical tent. For some reason, I already know that Cedrick Wilson is the emergency quarterback, which explains why the announcers were speculating on what Bridgewater could do if he had to play. McDaniel has challenged this Wilson catch, saying that he wasn't down by contact and that he fumbled. Call STANDS. These teams can't score touchdowns (the Jets don't have one in the last 12 quarters now) and Legatron makes it 6-6. Thompson's back in. He throws a wobbler that Gesicki somehow holds on to. Waddle comes back to this throw. Wilson gets stuffed by Quincy Williams. Marino on the sideline. Sanders comes in with 23 seconds left. 50-yarder is GOOD! Jets' last gasp falls short. The Dolphins are in, for whatever it's worth. (Dolphins 11, Jets 6)

Harris goes over the pile but he fumbles! Browns recover! You know who hasn't been good is Deshaun Watson. Tomlin's over-.500 streak continues. (Steelers 28, Browns 14)

What happened to Huntley? Anthony Brown is starting? Jebus. Mixon scores and celebrates by pretending to flip a coin. Ravens have been sloppy all game, and that fumble probably just ensured we're getting a rematch next week. We're not getting a coin flip, either. (Bengals 27, Ravens 16)

This is Tom Brady's first losing season as a starter. Why did he even play in this game? (Falcons 30, Buccaneers 17)

They've already had Mike Williams carted off. (Broncos 31, Chargers 28)

Giants-Eagles back on CBS. What am I, 12? Davis Webb starting over Tyrod Taylor is weird. Slant to Brown gets 35, and he breaks Mike Quick's single-season receiving yards record. Quez! Hurts coming out throwing. Field goal is good. Offense scuffles a bit but Hurts finds Brown downfield for 37. Charles Davis doesn't expect Hurts to run much today for several reasons. Two good runs by Sanders. Feels like they want him to get a touchdown here, as he's close with Hamlin, a fellow Pittsburgh native. Touchdown Boston Scott, because that's what he does against the Giants. That's his 10th touchdown against them. He has 17 total.

Edwards gets flagged for a late hit on Webb out of bounds. Giants run a fake field goal but the Eagles are on it and they get to the holder. That gets ruled as a sack. Eagle correctly notes that it is a requirement in perpetuity to show a cheesesteak at some point during an Eagles game. When Webb was in Buffalo, the Bills were seriously interested in making him a coach, but he still wanted to play, and he ended up back with the Giants after Daboll was hired. Epps drops an interception. Big pop for intentional grounding. Second and 31? Sure. Hurts takes off for eight and a first down. Hurts gets throws back for a big loss on first and goal. Smith gets some of it back but is brought down in the open field. Elliott good from 39. 16-0 Eagles at halftime.
Giants try an onside kick and Wallace almost picks it up, but Nakobe Dean is on it. Screen to Goedert gets a first down. Touchdown Smith. But it's taken off the board because of an illegal man downfield call, then Hurts gets intercepted in the end zone. That sucked.
Good thing the Giants' offense can't do anything. Smith bobbles it for about 10 yards before securing it. Elliott hits from 54. Giants have a first and goal after Slay gets fooled on a double move. Back-to-back delay of games? Really, Giants? Field goal is good. Mike Trout's here, unsurprisingly, with Jessica and the kid. Edwards whiffs on a tackle and Webb scores on a run. Eagles grinding down the clock. Offense stalls again because they've taken out all of the designed Hurts runs this week.
Elliott makes it 22-9 with three minutes left. GOLLADAY? Giants fans wondering where that's been the last two years. Onside kick goes right to Blankenship. Take a load off, boys. (Eagles 22, Giants 16)

Sam Howell finds McLaurin for an easy touchdown and the Commanders take an early lead. Turpin muffs the punt and the Commanders get it at the 14. Cowboys short-circuiting early. Slye shanks a 31-yarder. Howell throws to three Cowboys and no Commanders in the end zone, and it's predictably picked off. Then Dak throws a pick-six!

Kendall Fuller jumped the route after dropping one on the previous play. Burkhardt and Olsen are a little too surprised to see that happen. Slye misses the extra point right. Then he CLANGS one off the post.
The Cowboys offense is dead right now. Dak's all over the place. But he escapes a sure sack and gets to fourth and 1. Sneak works, but they don't spike it and Dak throws it out of the end zone. Touchdown Lamb. Now Maher misses the PAT. 13-6 Commanders at halftime. Dak still throwing the ball all over the place. They just now retired Sonny Jurgensen's No. 9? Seven three-and-outs for the Cowboys. Howell with a rushing touchdown, and he took some shots on the way. Hey, a successful kick! Man, Cowboys-Bucs is gonna SUCK. (Commanders 26, Cowboys 6)

Touchdown McCaffrey. Cardinals aren't lying down here as Corey Clement scores. Kittle with a nice toe-tapping catch in the end zone. 49ers pulling away now. Godspeed, J.J. (49ers 38, Cardinals 13)

Myers MISSES! We're going to overtime! BAKER NOOOOO!!! Catastrophic. Myers redeems himself. crosses off Lions (Seahawks 19, Rams 16, OT)

Big pass interference penalty puts the Packers at the Lions' 5. Rodgers almost takes off on third down, but throws it at the last second, but no one's there to catch it. Field goal is good. Anzalone swoops in and stops Jones on fourth and short. Not sure why the Packers went for it from their own 38. Lions tie it at 3. Hutchinson beats his man and gets to Rodgers, forcing another field goal. Crosby JUST makes it. Packers challenge this St. Brown catch... and win. That was a catch, though. Campbell: "We don't want them to go. That's our motivation." Leaping catch by Tonyan. Dillon drops a pass, then Hutchinson drops Rodgers. 73's got nothing for him right now. Crosby makes it 9-3. Long touchdown to Jameson Williams is called back for holding. Badgley misses the field goal after all that. Cris putting over Cincinnati while talking about Hamlin makes me realize that they're going to play each other next season, since they both won their divisions. Jones fumbles and the Lions appear to have it. Goff finds Swift over the middle, and they lose 12 seconds getting to the line. For some reason, Rasul Douglas came in and tried to swipe the ball from the center on the field goal try. And everybody just stood there like nothing happened. The refs throw a flag, and Badgley hits a 33-yarder instead of a 48-yarder. None of that made sense. 9-6 Packers at the half. The Packers send Jones deep but rookie Kerby Joseph breaks the pass up. Rodgers throws too early for Doubs on third down. Crosby's 54-yarder hits the crossbar and goes OUT. No good! Magnum P.I.'s moving to NBC? Oh. Goff throws a rainbow and Khalif Raymond runs it down at the 1. Touchdown Jamaal Williams and the Lions lead. Rodgers throws deep and Watson does a great job of stopping and making the catch through all kinds of contact. Touchdown Lazard and maybe this game has opened up finally. Bahktiari gets called for offensive holding, then a Joseph interception is nullified by illegal hands to the face. Lions on the move again. Swift tries to hurdle Alexander after a swing pass. It doesn't work. Lions go for it on 4th and 3 and they actually run a play. Chark makes the catch.

Everything is to the left, for some reason. We've got a weird situation here: There's a personal foul after this Swift run, then Quay Walker gets caught shoving a member of the training staff who's checking on him. The refs confer again and Walker gets tossed.
I seem to remember him getting kicked out of another game this season. Tirico confirms I'm right. Williams to the goal line but apparently not in. He gets in on the next play for his 17th rushing touchdown this year, which breaks Barry Sanders' team record. 5:55 left. Lions blitz and Joseph gets the interception back!
The refs rule this St. Brown play incomplete, but then they change it to a catch. Whoa... that ball never hits the ground. It went down between St. Brown's legs, but it never touched the ground and he grabbed it away from Savage. Then the Packers jump offside. Possibly intentionally? The Lions decline the penalty. Swift gets 14 on second and 17 on a DESIGNED LATERAL. The Lions have none to give.
We're at two minutes. Williams gets stopped short. Packers have no time outs. The Lions throw it and Chark catches it! It's over! The Lions sweep the Packers and the Seahawks hang on to the last playoff spot.
Rodgers is LINGERING on the tundra. crosses off Packers Audible "Let's Go Lions" chant postgame. Williams: "Stop PLAYING with us!"

Schedule's out! Oh, the Jaguars don't get the Houston Texans Memorial Saturday afternoon spot! That goes to Seahawks-49ers. (They play Saturday night.) (Lions 20, Packers 16)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. San Francisco (13-4) — Can Purdy handle the playoffs?
2. Philadelphia (14-3) — That took too long
3. Buffalo (13-3) — Riding the waves
4. Cincinnati (12-4) — See you next week

BOTTOM 4:
29. Denver (5-12) — Russ has secrely been better since the firing
30. Indianapolis (4-12-1) — Come on, man
31. Chicago (3-14) — Folding to perfection
32. Houston (3-13-1) — YOU FOOLS

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Wednesday, January 25, 2023

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 17: The Pause Button

I must sadly agree. The Titans are going with Josh Dobbs instead of Malik Willis because this game doesn't matter in the slightest. The Cowboys don't have Pollard tonight, which is why Davis is getting relief carries. Zeke jukes for two yards. Easy touchdown there. Parsons is on a bike on the sideline with a cast on his hand. I'm surprised he's playing tonight, as the Cowboys are basically locked into the 5 seed barring the Eagles self-destructing. He runs onto the field late and still makes the tackle. Al asks if this is an audition for Dobbs to start against the Jaguars in a game that matters, since they've been so bad with Willis (who, again, is a two-year project minimum)
Big catch by... McMath? McCarthy has to use a challenge because the refs screwed up — Okonkwo was down by contact, and Haskins advanced the fumbled ball to the Cowboys 2, where it shouldn't be. Then the refs say yeah, he was, and give McCarthy his challenge back. Then Dobbs gets sacked and fumbles, and the Cowboys recover. Wait, when did they get three more points? Dak drops the snap and the Titans fall on it! Hendershot can't handle the pass — but Byard can.

That would be six. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Diggs almost gets a pick. Woods falls down and Dobbs takes a shot to the head but no flag anywhere. Bullock gets the Titans on the board. Dak is sacked on third down. Flags all over the place and it's holding on the Titans. Dak's walking gingerly. But he recovers enough to scramble out of bounds. Jesus! Byard with his second pick of the QUARTER. And that one is Dak's fault. Burks makes the catch near the sideline. Go out of bounds, kid! DON'T TURN UPFIELD! He gets tackled with two seconds left and it's a good thing the Titans had a time out. Bullock makes a 29-yarder and it's 10-6 at halftime. Zeke crosses midfield. A truly stupid pass interference on Avery bails the Cowboys out and gives them the ball at the Titans' 6. Touchdown Schultz. Dobbs starting to hit some throws. Pass to Burks is incomplete in the end zone into triple coverage. Then he finds Woods for an easy touchdown. Hilton picks up another third and long. No, I'm not bitter. Cowboys center Tyler Biadaz is being carted to the locker room. How are you supposed to tackle a guy head-on without landing on him? Come on, man. Dak finds Schultz for another touchdown. Titans punt. Cowboys go hurry-up... until Dak gets sacked again. Lamb gets them back into field goal range and Maher hits from 45. Wait, Herbstreit lives in Nashville? Dobbs gets intercepted. AL: "I want you to keep a couple of numbers in mind. 13 and a half, and 40 and a half. I don't usually do fractions." We've got a muffed punt and a flag. It's fair catch interference, so the Titans will get the ball. This piano theme is hot. Al and Kirk thank the crew.
Titans have lost six in a row. Now that's underwhelming. (Cowboys 27, Titans 13)

Signal Finder: NO @ PHI, IND @ NYG, MIA @ NE (end), CAR @ TB (end), MIN @ GB

Juwan Johnson has to do a half-spin to pull in a third-down catch. Eagles cannot get a stop on third down. Sweat's down hurt and they're talking about stabilizing, which is never a great sign.

Direct snap to Kamara gets five. Hill gets stopped short at the Eagles' 9, then gets to the 1 on fourth and 2. He scores on the next play. Nothing's gone right for the Eagles in the last 60 minutes of game time. Minshew gets sacked on first down and that's it for this drive. Has Dalton thrown an incompletion yet? Second quarter begins with a Graham sack and the Eagles finally get off the field. Offense takes over at the 10. What the hell was this third down play? Gainwell five yards deep on an option? Punter gets hit but the refs rule that the defender was blocked into him, so no flag. I did not see that, in case you're wondering.
Field goal makes it 10-0. Another Eagles three and out and deserved boos are getting louder. Shaheed burns Bradberry and it's first and goal. Hill keeper gets stopped and the Saints kick a field goal, which I don't get against an undermanned, tired defense.

And they'll get even more tired after another Eagles three and out. This is disastrous. Dalton finds Johnson wide open over the middle. Reddick with his 15th sack. Intercepted by Josiah Scott! That's the first Saints "incompletion" of the game, and it may have saved this game. Eagles get a first down! There are 11 seconds left in the half. 13-0 Saints but it feels like worse and could have been far worse. Eagles get the second-half kickoff but a penalty has them back at their own 10. Sanders! Goedert! Where were these guys in the first half? Gainwell takes off for a touchdown but it's called back for a terrible holding call. Because it was NOT holding and Moose is FURIOUS. Then Demarrio Davis mishandles a pass that would have been a pick-six. Elliott hits from 54. Now the Eagles force a three and out. Back-to-back false starts? Really? They give Smith forward progress on this catch and the Eagles get a first down. Another false start, and then Minshew overthrows Smith. Cox with a sack. Minshew to Brown for a 76-yard touchdown! It's suddenly 13-10.
Hill gets stuffed and Dalton gets sacked to open the fourth. Refs clearly not calling contact on special teams. Reddick with another sack. Saints get the false start call, surprising the announcers. Eagles run Sanders on third and four at midfield, which means they're going for it. Minshew sneaks it and this'll be close. They don't get it. Eagles break up a flea-flicker with a sack. Lattimore, who's been out for two months, jumps the route and gets an easy pick-six. This game's over.
(Saints 20, Eagles 10)

Panthers don't get the field goal off in time, which Burkhardt doesn't notice until it's called. And they missed the kick, so they have to do it again from 49. Piniero just barely makes it. The Bucs punt it on the run after a mishandled snap, but since everybody's downfield, it's a penalty. The next punt is fair caught at the 8. Moore gets hit with OPI when he tries to prevent an interception. Panthers false start. Pitchy pitchy woo woo ends it. We're never gonna be rid of Brady, are we? And how the hell did he put up SIXTY fantasy points? (Buccaneers 30, Panthers 24)

Wentz is back as the starter, and:

Things didn't get much better.
(Browns 24, Commanders 10)

LT in the house! Jones hits Dallus Flowers in the face on third down. Foles to Campbell for 49! Colts get four on third and 5. They initially line up to go for it, then call time out and change their minds. Chip shot is good. Jones to Hodgins and it's first and goal. Touchdown James. Jaylon Smith hits Foles but he doesn't go down, then Foles throws an incompletion anyway. Trent Green thinks Smith thought that Foles had already thrown the pass. Jones takes off and gets 13. Colts lose Bellinger, but Jones finds him and it's first and goal. Quick throw to Hodgins finds paydirt. Pick-six for LANDON COLLINS? Yeah. Colts are discombobulated. Jones scrambles and gets out of bounds for a first down on third and 5. Gano ends the half with a field goal making it 24-3. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Ehlinger's playing because Foles is out with broken ribs — he got crunched by Thibodeaux on the last series before the half before the Giants scored again. Jones takes off and gets the pylon! 31-3 Giants. Pittman and Moreau exchange some words on the sideline. Ehlinger finds Pittman for his first career touchdown pass. Giants kick a field goal but the Colts were offsides, giving them a first down. The Colts can't contain Jones and there's an unnecessary roughness flag. Jones goes left again for another touchdown. The G-men are back in the playoffs. (Giants 38, Colts 10)

We go to Dolphins-Patriots, where Skylar Thompson is in at quarterback because Bridgewater suffered a hand injury on a pick-six he threw that gave the Patriots the lead. Mac finds Meyers down the far sideline, then Henry on the near sideline. DPI puts the ball at the Dolphins' 3. Thompson starts to celebrate a score before correctly being ruled out of bounds. Meyers goes up and gets it for a touchdown. Suddenly, the Patriots have to have the best chance of making the playoffs out of the other three AFC East teams. This Dolphins team may well be dead, and can the Jets really be trusted? Pats strangely pass on a 44-yard field goal try and Mac gets sacked for a 10-yard loss. Thompson finds Gesicki for a late touchdown with 1:04 left. (Patriots 23, Dolphins 21)

The 49ers should probably cover Davante Adams. It's well known — or at least it should be — that their biggest weakness on defense is at cornerback. Really, guys? Jarrett Stidham's lighting you up? Gould's not missing twice. There we go. How many games can the Raiders blow? (49ers 37, Raiders 34, OT)

The ultimate Geno Smith revenge game! (Seahawks 23, Jets 6)

Vikings block a punt! They take over at the Packers' 3! Vikings' backup center is down. Cook is stopped at the 2 on third down and the Vikings kick it. Uh-oh. UH-OH. 105-yard kickoff return touchdown for Keisean Nixon! Packers jump out front. Was that a direct snap to Cook that he dropped or did Cousins drop it? Packers go empty set on fourth and 10, and Rodgers gets sacked and fumbles, but the refs say he was down. That's close, but it's Vikings ball regardless. Hockenson gets hit and drops a pass. Alexander breaks up a pass for Jefferson and does the Griddy right by the Vikings' sideline. The Vikings go for it and Darnell Savage gets a pick off a deflection! He has blockers, guys. He's gonna score! 75 yards! Romo calls it "the griddle."
Joseph misses from 44. Vikings are skidding out right now. Packers line up to go for it from the Vikings' 4 but end up taking a delay of game. I, too, would like to know what Harrison Smith said to Rodgers after that. Crosby makes it 17-3. Quay Walker PRESS SLAMS Osborn and gets flagged for unnecessary roughness. Cousins' next throw is tipped at the line and Amos intercepts it! Jones gets 26 on third and 1. "Romovision?" That's new. Rodgers with days to find Tonyan for his 250th touchdown pass at Lambeau. 24-3 Packers.
Joseph misses left from 50. Rodgers finds a sliding Lazard and now the Packers have a chance to do something. This would be a long kick. The Packers brought up another kicker for some reason, but Crosby's in for a 56-yarder. It's... off the crossbar and GOOD! What?! 27-3 Packers at halftime. It seems like Cousins' scrambles have been the Vikings' biggest plays today. There's Jefferson's first catch. Kenny Clark with the sack, strip, recovery trifecta! Packers working short routes. First and goal packers to start the fourth. Dillon to the goal line... and over it. Touchdown!

The Vikings have lost three games this year, and they've all been car crashes. (Packers 41, Vikings 17)

FLEXING and this one feels right. It's their 10th Sunday night game just under Tomlin and Harbaugh. The networks have been going really hard on the fact that we're not getting next week's schedule until tomorrow, and this game is a big part of why. I don't know why you wouldn't run on third and 2 but whatever, it worked. Big run down the sideline after the catch by Warren. Steelers settle for three after a penalty. DeSean can't pull in a touchdown, so it falls to Tucker to tie it, and he does. Pickett's high school (Ocean Township, NJ!) has already renamed its football field after him. Chuck Clark with a big pass breakup. Boswell's kick CRACKS off the upright and is no good. Dobbins is getting close to breaking one. I'm not sure what Heyward did to get flagged. Maybe it was when he grabbed the ref? Touchdown Isaiah Likely! Ravens lead 10-3 at halftime.

Huntley starting to get Mark Andrews back into the offense. Andrews gets 19 back after a penalty on second and 25. Tucker clean as a whistle from 51. There's the Pickens circus catch of the week. Ravens blitz and Pickett throws incomplete. Boswell sneaks it in from 51. This tipped pass gets near two Ravens but neither of them can intercept it. Lot of anger bubbling to the surface. Pickett to Johnson converts third and 4. Boswell makes it 13-9 after a high snap with 9:47 left. Justice Hill returns the kickoff to the Steelers' 39. But the Steelers force a three and out. Johnson makes the catch... out of bounds. Pickett to Freiermuth at midfield. Then to Steven Sims for 28! Steelers are in the red zone with 1:59 left. Harris redirects PIckett on a sneak and the Steelers convert. Pickett gets forced to his left and makes a perfect throw on the run to a well-covered Harris for the touchdown! Cris basically calls it Mahomes-esque and he's not wrong. Ravens are out of time outs. Holding puts them back to their own 15. Andrews goes down and gives himself up, and now we've got a pile-on. INTERCEPTION FITZPATRICK! The Steelers last one more week.
We got the Saturday games, at least: Chiefs-Raiders (to potentially lock up the 1-seed) and Titans-Jaguars for the AFC South title.
(Steelers 16, Ravens 13)

Big stuff tonight. Bengals win the toss and take the ball first. Hurst tries to hurdle Poyer and fails, but he's still at the 15. Burrow with a strike to Boyd for six. Man, these Bengals receivers just don't drop passes. Allen keeps it but loses his footing a yard short of the sticks. Third and goal pass is too high for Beasley. Bass puts it through. Oh boy — Damar Hamlin just gave Higgins a shot, got up, and went right back down. It's been ten minutes. This is scary. There's an ambulance on the field and now I'm left thinking of Kevin Everett. I'm seeing online they were giving him CPR but I don't have confirmation. I imagine it's hard to restart playing after something like that, but this? They may have had to resuscitate this guy? Coaches are meeting on the field again. McDermott is motioning to his players, and they've just temporarily suspended this game. Both teams are leaving the field.

Back in the MNF studio, both Booger and Adam Schefter don't think the players will do anything until they get some update on Hamlin's condition. I'm not convinced that's enough time. This game legitimately might not continue, and I no longer think that it should. Game is officially suspended at 10 o'clock. It really, really feels like the coaches drove this, saying "Our guys can't do this. Not tonight."

Here's Scott Van Pelt and Ryan Clark, who were tremendous all night:

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Friday, January 13, 2023

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 16: Pull Back

Rain at MetLife HQ. Quinnen Williams sacks Lawrence and the Jets end up with the ball. They turn it into three. Even Engram's been better as a Jaguar than he ever was as a Giant. That never happens. Big run by Etienne after a deep ball to Marvin Jones falls incomplete. Jaguars tie it with a field goal. Why is Chris Streveler in the game? More importantly, who is Chris Streveler? The Jets don't appear to know, either, as they all screw up the snap count. They punt and put the Jags at their own 4. Engram! Etienne to the 2. Right guard Brandon Scherff hobbles off. Lawrence leaps over the pile and the ball comes out, but after it broke the plane.
Wilson goes down under a blitz. Then Williams knocks down his next pass. The back of Engram's jersey is already unreadable. Jags use some double motion to spring Etienne for a big catch and run. Patterson misses left from 44. 13-3 Jaguars at halftime. Whoa! Someone's a little late on the delay button! The fans here have completely turned on Zach Wilson. There's a "Flacco" chant going, for God's sake.

Streveler finds a wide-open Uzomah! Wait, is he IN? Corey Davis with a bad drop on third and 4. They go for it and Garrett Wilson makes the catch on the ground. He looks for Wilson again on fourth and 2 from the Jaguars 13 but they can't connect. Field goal makes it 19-3 with 3:48 left. It's over for Zach Wilson. He isn't any good, he's been benched TWICE, and the fans have completely turned on him.
That's Hell on earth. Enjoy the XFL, kid. (Jaguars 19, Jets 3)

Signal Finder: NYG @ MIN, CIN @ NE, PHI @ DAL (first half)

Touchdown... Trent Irwin? OK then. 22-0 Bengals. It's hard to say anything about the Patriots in this game when they haven't done anything in this game. Eagle: "Nobody is lateraling anything." Half ends with audible boos. Marcus Jones intercepts Burrow. Uh-oh. He's gonna score! PAT is no good. Bourne with a 32-yard catch to start the fourth. Surprised he held on to that with three defenders around him. Touchdown Bourne! He waited and broke late in the back of the end zone.

Two-point attempt fails. 22-12. Burrow goes to the end zone but it goes off Irwin's fingertips. Then McPherson misses left at the same end of the field where he missed earlier. Did Bourne actually catch this? Patriots challenge the incomplete call. Reversed! Jones dumps it under pressure. It's an incompletion, but it's also intentional grounding. Now the Bengals have challenged to see if Mac actually fumbled this. Call stands. OH MY GOD. The Bengals knocked a pass out of Scottie Washington's hands, but it goes right to Meyers (who I'm amazed is still alive after last week) and he walks into the end zone! Then Folk misses the extra point! What is going on? Bengals throw a screen to Chase, but he fumbles and the Patriots get it back. Marcus Jones, who recovered the fumble, is still down. He's back in the game on offense but the Pats run it. There's a delay here, and it turns out that Stevenson didn't get the first down after all. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Bengals have it! Mac gets called for unnecessary roughness after the play ends. This final Patriots series has been brutal, and a delay of game on fourth and 10 will likely cap it off. Deep ball is broken up and the Bengals hang on. *crosses off Patriots* (Bengals 22, Patriots 18)

Cousins gets picked off, but they're reviewing it.

Is that control? Call REVERSED. Cousins getting lucky today. He finds Jefferson in traffic at the Giants' 30. Jefferson gets another first down on third and 5. Hockenson goes up and brings it down for a touchdown! Vikings go back in front. Patrick Peterson picks off Jones! That never had a chance. Shockingly, it's the first interception Jones has thrown in five games. Thielen and Jefferson get crossed up on fourth and 2 from the Giants' 45. Giants take over. Richie James with a bad drop on third down. Gano hits from 55 with 6:24 left. Giants force a punt. Then the Vikings force a punt. Blocked! Touchdown Jefferson. Another drop by James. Slayton gets a critical first down on a crossing route, then goes upfield for 32. Giants facing fourth and 2. They give it to Barkley, who finds a hole and scores! Giants go for two and I'd just run that again. They don't but Jones finds Bellinger in the back of the end zone! We're tied at 24 with 2:01 left. Giants send everyone but Jefferson makes a sliding catch. Cousins gets sacked with 17 seconds left. Jefferson gets the first down and the Vikings spike it with four seconds left. This is a 61-yard try for Greg Joseph, whose career long is 56.
I can't see the ball. IT'S GOOD!!! (Vikings 27, Giants 24)

A.J. beats Diggs twice in a row and the Eagles are already at the Cowboys' 10. Two runs go nowhere. Cowboys blanket the end zone, forcing Minshew to scramble and get knocked out of bounds. Elliott makes the short field goal. Zeke stops short to jump and make a catch, then dives for a first down. Dak rolls out and throws it right to Josh Sweat! Touchdown Eagles! Bad throw by Dak, who had Schultz wide open behind Sweat. 10-0 Eagles. The Spinners' "Rubberband Man", produced by Philly's Thom Bell, who died this week, takes us to break.

Dak scrambles for a first down on third and 5. Schultz falls down near midfield. Maddox blitzes and gets to Dak, but he stays upright and finds Gallup for a first down. Pollard jukes Maddox and it's first and goal. Easy score for Zeke. Minshew makes a bad decision and it's intercepted. Cowboys try a flea flicker but the Eagles aren't fooled at all and Maddox brings down Dak. They go for it on fourth and 8 and T.Y. Hilton (!) draws an illegal contact flag on Slay. Milton Williams back in and causes a four-yard loss. No one's on Lamb and he's got an easy touchdown. Goedert back. Watkins! Minshew overthrows Watkins, who would have scored easily. Gainwell leaps too soon and gets stopped at the 2. He gets stopped again! Why not use Sanders here? Minshew sneaks it in after Olsen suggests the Eagles might run something else off of that formation (as they did against the Giants). Sweat jumps and Dak finds Lamb down the middle for 23. Lamb catching everything right now. Gallup can't bring down the ball in the end zone, and Olsen wonders if the intruding sun was a factor there. Maher field goal ties it. OK, DPI gets a free first down. High throw is almost intercepted. Goedert breaks a tackle and gets 20. Smith gets a good spot on third down. Goedert false starts, and the Eagles use their last time out to save ten seconds. Cowboys get good pressure and the Eagles end up kicking a 47-yarder to go into halftime up 20-17. We're in a shootout, which is the opposite of what I thought this game would be. And I'm not sure who a shootout favors. Turpin returns the second-half kickoff to midfield but there's a penalty, because there always is. So the ball goes back to the 14. And apparently both teams are throwing it all over the yard with reckless abandon. Both these Minshew picks have been suspect, but the Cowboys can't seem to cover Smith, so it's kind of evening out? OH NO SANDERS. The Cowboys only getting a field goal after that says a lot about a lot of things.
Now they're in a prevent defense. Eagles in the red zone? Incomplete. That's unfortunate. (Cowboys 40, Eagles 34)

This was all planned out. This game was scheduled when it was because yesterday was the 50th anniversary of the Immaculate Reception. They were going to retire Franco Harris's No. 32 at halftime. Kenny Pickett's back at quarterback for the Steelers, who are wearing era-appropriate uniforms that they really should go back to. Snow is starting. Boswell's kick misses left. According to Warner, this is new turf put in after the state playoffs. Pickett had to work HARD to make that sneak work. Pass goes right off Freiermuth's hands and is luckily not intercepted. Boswell tries again from 44 and this one's good. Carr lofts one to Waller that he has to come back and get. Waller gets triple-teamed on third down and the pass hits the stanchion. Carlson hits a wobbly 40-yarder. 10-3 Raiders at halftime. NFL Network is carrying the ceremony. Art Rooney: "The big man was supposed to be standing here beside me." His No. 32 is only the third number the Steelers have retired. Chandler Jones on the sideline. Denzel Perryman intercepts Pickett.

Then Carr throws a high ball that Moreau can't handle and the Steelers get it right back. Boswell misses AGAIN? Jeez. Steelers get another pick off of a mishandled pass. Big Jacobs run gets called back because of a face mask. Highsmith sacks Carr. Fourth quarter begins with a terrible punt. The Steelers' offense can't finish anything off. Here comes Boswell again. Good from 40. 10-6 with 9:47 left. This Freiermuth catch should stand and does. Najee Harris breaks two tackles and gets to the 24. Harris gets out of bounds at the 19. Did he catch this? I don't think the Steelers think he did, but the refs say he did. They're reviewing it. Eisen: "Can you believe we're sitting here tonight wondering if a Harris made a catch against the Raiders?"
The refs rule it incomplete, which actually helps the Steelers, as they gain eight seconds and get their time out back. Freiermuth catch is short. The Steelers sneak it... and they make it. Pickett limping slightly afterwards. TOUCHDOWN PICKENS! He hadn't made a circus catch tonight, so how about a touchdown instead? Extra point is GOOD with 46 seconds left. Adams gets knocked out of bounds trying to make a catch. Carr overthrows Renfrow and Sutton picks it off! What did they call a penalty on? CONNOR Heyward, Cam's brother, gets free and slides to end the game! crosses off Raiders (Steelers 13, Raiders 10)

Good thing we've got basketball today, because these games SUCK. And no chance of snow in any of them to boot. Marcedes Lewis is still out here catching short passes for touchdowns.

WADDLE. He's still running! Touchdown! Eighty-four yards! Long ball to Lazard for 42 under duress (and an uncalled hold) ends the first. Rodgers throws way too long for Watson on fourth and 2. Tua goes deep to Tyreek and it's 52 yards to the Packers' 1. Jeff Wilson finishes it off. Don't like that coverage on Hill at all. Packers run a fake punt but the Dolphins swallow it up!
Tua over 200 yards already on only six completions. A sack and a second fumble leaves the Dolphins settling for a field goal. Mostert fumbles at midfield and the Packers take over with 1:55 left. They get a field goal to make it 20-13 with two seconds left.
Did Moose lose a bet? What is this jacket? Packers go for it from their own 31. Psychotic. But it works! Deep ball to LEWIS? 31-yard catch nearly doubles his receiving yardage.
Dillon gets in on his second try. Sanders misses right. Rodgers throws long and it's intercepted in the end zone! Dolphins get away with one there? Kinda looks like it. Tua sails one right to Jaire Alexander! That's a weak roughing the passer call. Dillon fumbles the handoff but gets it back. Rodgers escapes the rush but the Dolphins have it covered well, and the Packers settle for a field goal, but do take their first lead.

Hill makes his first catch of the second half. Devondre Campbell picks off Tua! Mostert never turned around — did he run the wrong route or just have no idea the pass was coming? It appears to be the latter. (We would later learn that Tua suffered another concussion, which likely explains why he fell off so dramatically in the second half.) Good catch downfield by Doubs. Jones gets 19. Dolphins' defense holds again and it's 26-20 with 2:07 left. Tua throws another interception! Jeez. It's nuts how every result the Eagles needed went against them and they lost, while every result the Packers needed went in their favor and they won. (Packers 26, Dolphins 20)

This may be the worst regular-season game Nantz and Romo have done. Also, the poor Nickelodeon audience. Dylan Schefter! They've got a trophy for NVP this time around. Akers goes left for eight. Mayfield mishandles the snap and it's third and 28. Wait, they're in field goal range? Gay hits from 55. Spongebob approves. Ramsey breaks up a pass intended for Sutton, who's had a bad season that even stands out on this Broncos season. Wilson sails one and it's picked off. HIGBEE. TOUCHDOWN. SLIME. PAT is followed by SNOW CANNONS. They've really blown the budget out here.

Bobby Wagner picks off Russ, much to Patrick Star's chagrin. "That's not what he wanted to cook." Touchdown Akers. Remember, he wanted out midseason, and now he's the only one left. Wilson finally makes a good play, then follows it up with a sack. They've got Gronk doing rules pop-ups. Sutton makes a diving catch on the sideline, but it's called incomplete. That's a catch, though. They finally throw the challenge flag. Call REVERSED. That was quick. McManus is good from 54. HIGBEE. First and goal Rams. Mayfield throws it away and it hits the crossbar. Burleson talks about how he's seen quarterbacks have contests throwing at the goalposts in practice. Mayfield just gets it away and finds Higbee for a touchdown. 24-3 Rams. Burleson's daughter Mia drops in with some fun facts, like how Broncos linebacker Josey Jewell is a Christmas baby. Dylan's dad with a surprise: Ravens-Steelers has been flexed into Sunday night Week 17. We're up to three female NFL officials now. Patrick Star would be hard to tackle because his legs just grow back if they're torn off. Higbee making a strong case for NVP in this half. Touchdown Akers and this is a beatdown. Wilson scramble! Then he finds Jeudy, who gets out of bounds with one second left. McManus hits from 49 to end the half. Ball's out! Rams have it! They don't'? Refs say he was down by contact. Rams challenge and this is close. Noah Eagle reminds Burleson that they were at Colts-Vikings last week. Call CONFIRMED. BUT they rule that he didn't get the first down after all, so the Rams won't lose a time out. Great play by Ramsey to get the interception in the end zone. Wilson gambled and lost.
Akers finds a hole and gets 21. Rams pass on a 42-yard field goal and get a first down, but end up kicking a 30-yarder instead.
Good God. Mayfield wins the NVP vote, the first player from the winning team to do so.
(Rams 51, Broncos 14)

Rachaad White with a big run to start. This is Brady's first Christmas start. That's interference. Brady misses an open Julio Jones in the end zone. Field goal is good. TRACE McSORLEY SZN. Fake punt! This one works! Cris: "And the first 40-year-old to complete a pass tonight is... Andy Lee, the punter." This is gonna have to be the game tonight for the Cardinals. Bucs blitz and McSorley never saw it. Fumble! Devin White recovers for the Bucs. Fournette still runs with power. They should do that again. They do, but it doesn't work. Fourth down and the Cardinals stop Fournette again! J.J. Watt's wife, mom, and newborn are here. Prater from 56. Good. That's his 69th 50-plus field goal. Nice. Godwin's short here. Bowles looked annoyed at the spot but it's correct. So they sneak it with Brady and get it. Jones touchdown is negated by a penalty, and they end up settling for another Succop field goal. Brady gets pressured into an underthrow, and it's picked off by Marco Wilson. Prater's 53-yarder CLANGS and bounces through, putting us at 6-6 at halftime. That does sound more like a DOINK, now that I hear it again.

Not at all. This Bucs team is a slog to watch. Tirico asks if the Buccaneers running game misses Gronk's blocking and Collinsworth says "Absolutely." Watt stones Fournette. Then Wilson gets his second interception tonight! He went up and got that one, too. Hollywood! Prater puts the Cardinals in front to start the fourth. Short punt and a good return and the Cardinals are in business again. Touchdown James Conner!
Fournette takes off for 44. Quick pass to White and he reaches the pylon. Dortsch picks up a good gain. Cardinals may need to run the four-minute offense for eight minutes. Noooo! PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Buccaneers fall on a fumbled pitch and they get the ball at their own 40. Cardinals realize they've left Evans uncovered and frantically call time. Third down pass is broken up in the end zone. Succop ties it with 2:27 left.
Hopkins falls down on third down (he's done nothing tonight) and the Cardinals have to punt with 1:50 left. Now the Cardinals force a punt on 4th and 2 with 56 seconds left. Cooper makes a mistake fielding it at the 1, but he does get to the 20. Conner gets to midfield and the Cardinals spike it with eight seconds. Hail Mary is intercepted and we've got overtime. The longest game in NFL history was a Christmas Day playoff game between the Dolphins and Chiefs in 1974, which the Dolphins won in double overtime. "Tampa Bay, you are still the visiting team." Why would that change? Cardinals win the toss. Hollywood gets the first down after a review. Pass for Hopkins is too high and the Cardinals have to punt. Brady finds Gage near midfield. Evans makes a one-handed catch. Cardinals can't tackle Gage and he's in the red zone. Succop hits it! That's a shame. (Buccaneers 19, Cardinals 16, OT)

Chargers win the toss and defer. Nick Foles starts for the Colts. Kenneth Murray drops an interception. On the second drive, Saturday challenges a spot and wins, getting a first down out of it. Interception!

Keenan Allen can't handle the pass (thanks to Zaire Franklin) and the Colts get it right back. Three plays later Foles throws ANOTHER pick, this one to Derwin James, who somehow manages to stay inbounds — that left knee is in.
Now Saturday's challenging this Allen catch. I think it's a catch. Aikman doesn't. Call REVERSED, incorrectly, IMO. But Saturday gets a free spin out of it. (He's 4 for 5 on challenges.) Punt is nearly blocked. Buck: "Nobody's doin' nothin'!" No score after one, which shouldn't surprise you. Herbert sneaks to the 2. Touchdown Ekeler. James LEVELS Dulin and the flags go flying. And he's tossed, as Aikman predicted. McLaughlin puts the Colts on the board. Dicker makes it 10-3 Chargers at halftime. Another Chargers interception. Foles having a rough night. No excuse for that one. Allen gets seven on fourth and 1. Buck and Aikman are surprised to see the field goal unit out now, but 13 might be enough tonight. Khalil Mack gets to Foles. Punt goes off of Carter's face and now there's a mad scramble. The Colts grab it and run into the end zone, but it's ruled that a Chargers player was on the sideline when he touched it. That ball's out. We got a problem. Herbert is sacked and fumbles! Colts ball! Boos as the third quarter ends with the Colts not going for it, and heading to the other end of the field to do whatever they're going to do. Foles sneaks it but it doesn't look like it worked. It DIDN'T. Mike Williams finally showing up. Ekeler to the 1, and then he scores. Chargers are in the playoffs. (Chargers 20, Colts 3)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. San Francisco (11-4) — Rocket to the top
2. Philadelphia (13-2) — Well, that sucked out loud
3. Buffalo (12-3) — A rare ground offensive
4. Cincinnati (11-4) — Coming in hot

BOTTOM 4:
29. Indianapolis (4-10-1) — So much for the experiment
30. Denver (4-11) — The last straw, as Hackett was fired the next day
31. Chicago (3-12) — Reminding me of last year's Lions, talent-wise
32. Houston (2-12-1) — A mildly surprising victory

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