Friday, December 23, 2022

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 14: Know Your Formulas

Well, this will probably suck. Touchdown Jacobs, who's been on fire the last few weeks. John Wolford starts at quarterback for the Rams. Al and Kirk dancing around the fact that if the residents of L.A. had their druthers, they'd rather have the Raiders back than the Rams. Bobby Wagner blows up this third-down play. Carlson makes a 52-yarder over Ramsey to make it 10-0 Raiders. Here comes Baker Mayfield, who just joined the team two days ago and is wearing No. 17 because that's the only eligible QB number the Rams have left. First play is a pass and it's complete to Van Jefferson for 21! Al says the Rams were the only team that put in a waiver claim on him. Rams get on the board with a field goal.
Mack Hollins lives! 13-3 Raiders. This offense is moving under Mayfield. Skowronek with a jumping catch on third and 13. Then Cam Akers fumbles and the Raiders recover. Adams picks that one out of the air. A big part of the Raiders stopping sucking is that they're finally getting that guy the ball. Carr throws a floater into the end zone and it gets intercepted. What happened there? It stays 13-3 going into halftime.
Jacobs is out with a hand injury. Atwell gets bumped in the open field, drawing a clear DPI flag. A Rams lineman shoves a Raider after third down, drawing a personal foul and basically putting them out of field goal range. Gay can't hit this. It's 61 yards. Nope.
Jacobs back in, and he shakes out his right hand after a stiff-arm. Carlson makes it 16-3 Raiders. There's no reason to overturn this catch. And they don't. HIGBEE. Rams should probably speed up a little bit with 7:30 left. It's down to 4:40 and it's fourth and goal from the 2. Herbstreit says he arrived in L.A. on Wednesday morning — before Mayfield. Pass to Akers and he gets the first down at the 1. Touchdown Akers.
The Raiders PUNT on fourth and 1 at the two-minute warning, and it bounces down the sideline before stopping at the Rams' 2. My goodness. Maxx Crosby's been eating Havenstein alive all night. Then Jerry Tillery commits a stupid personal foul by knocking the ball out of Mayfield's hands after the play was over. Skowronek goes over the defender! Skowronek again! Mayfield spikes it with 15 seconds left. TOUCHDOWN JEFFERSON!!! Nine seconds left!
PAT is GOOD. That was a really good throw. He went 98 yards on two days of practice!

Taylor Rapp with a game-sealing interception. crosses off Raiders (Rams 17, Raiders 16)

Signal Finder: PHI @ NYG, HOU @ DAL (end), MIN @ DET (end), KC @ DEN, TB @ SF

The Giants will have Barkley today despite a neck injury. They'll also have the ball first. Two sacks after a first down puts an end to any good opening drive vibes. Let's see if Sirianni has been told about Boston Scott versus the Giants, who are still missing McKinney and Jackson from their secondary. Brown with a not-great drop. Hurts finds Smith for a first down with a perfectly placed throw. Defensive penalty gives the Eagles another first down. More Calcaterra on this series than I was expecting.

Touchdown Sanders. Giants get another first down and then the drive stalls again. Hurts looks for Sanders deep down the sideline but he can't stay inbounds. He beats a third-down blitz and finds Quez for a first down. The Giants send pressure again and this time Hurts runs for the first. How you do deal with this? Fourth and 7? Really? Hurts lofts it to Smith, who catches it between two Giants and walks into the end zone! The safety whiffed on it and that was that. Moose compares it to how the Minneapolis Miracle happened. I would not have done that but I don't have those dudes at my disposal. Rinse and repeat for the Giants. The Giants punter drops the snap, which may have saved at least the distance he actually kicked it, because that was almost blocked. Apparently you can't kick the ball after you drop it? I didn't know that and I feel like I should've.
Refs discuss it and it's a 10-yard penalty against the Giants and loss of down for an illegal kick. Eagles ball at the Giants' 33, and Hurts finds Brown immediately for a touchdown. 21-0 and it's been entirely too easy. Barkley gets a second first down on a Giants drive. Blankenship slips on the turf and is hurt. Giants punt pins the Eagles inside their own 10, their best play so far. Thibodeaux gets to Hurts. Punt is BLOCKED! Siposs picks it up and runs with it, then comes up limping. That sack set that up — he was punting from the 2 or something like that. Giants take over at the Eagles' 15. Jones rolls out, buys time, and finds Isaiah Hodgins for the score. Boston Scott with a 66-yard kickoff return! Sanders to the 10. Giants getting pressure now. Eagles settle for a field goal (with Covey replacing Siposs as the holder.) Eagles force a punt and lead 24-7 at halftime. It's raining harder as the second half begins. Sanders and Hurts running over the Giants now.
Brown run the wrong route there? Smith can't stay inbounds on third down. Field goal makes it 27-7. Jones rolls right and takes off. Brightwell? Good job by Jones to get the ball out there. Jones keeper gets in. Eagles sneak gets whistled dead because of an injury, then they line up to do it again but pitch it outside to Sanders for a first down. Hurts scores on a draw. 34-14. Offensive pass interference cancels out a fourth down pickup by the Giants. Moose isn't sure about that one, but the Giants punt. Elliott has to punt with Siposs out. That was... fine. Reddick misses Jones, who finds Slayton (who actually catches it) for 38. Eagles bring everyone on 4th and 8 and Jones throws incomplete. SANDERS! That's it. Tyrod in for the Giants. Graham sacks him and Patrick Johnson recovers. Minshew in for Hurts now. Eagles have their backup offensive line in and the Giants still can't stop Boston Scott. (Also, Lane Johnson's out with an abdominal injury, which bears watching.) That's Graham's third sack today.
PLAYOFFS. (Eagles 48, Giants 22)

Welcome in, Jameson Williams. That touchdown looked... familiar. PENEI SEWELL with the catch on a tackle-eligible play! Start the bus. They sent that man in MOTION. 49-yarder ices it. Vegas KNOWS. (Lions 34, Vikings 23)

The Texans get ANOTHER interception! This is a very different sequence if Dameon Pierce is out there instead of Rex Burkhead. Don't you have to kick the field goal at this point? I didn't like any of that. Dak finds Schultz immediately for 21. Schultz again for 13. Hey, maybe cover that guy, Texans? And Zeke scores. That's unfortunate. Hail Mary is picked off. (Cowboys 27, Texans 23)

Mahomes just flips it to McKinnon under duress and he takes it 56 yards. 13-0 Chiefs.

The Broncos don't seem to have an answer for McKinnon, of all people. He's got another touchdown and it's 20-0. OH MY GOD. Willie Gay tips this Wilson pass, catches it, and turns it into a pick-six. Now it's 27-0. Does Hackett survive this half?
Refs rule this a Broncos interception. Chiefs seem content to just let Wilson run the ball himself. A misplay on defense leaves Jeudy alone in the end zone and it's 27-14 at the half. Broncos get the second half kickoff. MARLON MACK LIVES! It's 27-21! WTF, Chiefs?
Broncos sack Mahomes on third and 4. Chiefs get to Wilson on back-to-back plays. Mahomes with plenty of time to find Gray. Mahomes runs around and finds Smith-Schuster in the back of the end zone. 34-21 Chiefs. Broncos go for it on 4th and 4, and Jeudy may have baited Trent McDuffie into pass interference. Wilson gets cracked going for the end zone and he hits the ground hard. Yeah, he's out, and you can tell he's out by looking at him. Brett Rypien comes in and he finds Jeudy for his third touchdown catch today. Mahomes with a God-awful interception. What the hell was he looking at and how did he think that pass was going to get anything but intercepted? Rypien still in as we learn (unsurprisingly) that Wilson's in concussion protocol. Then he gets pressured into an interception two plays later! Broncos are rattled. They can't get a stop and the Chiefs are just gonna run out the last five minutes here.
That's 14 in a row for the Chiefs over the Broncos. That's hard to do! (Chiefs 34, Broncos 28)

One hundred tickets for Club Brady as he returns to Northern California. Keanu Neal sacks Purdy but hits him high. Kittle! McCaffrey gets 20. Deebo takes a pitch from the backfield and he's got a touchdown. Succop misses from 55. Purdy doesn't see Jennings downfield, scrambles out of bounds, but there was offensive holding anyway. Long touchdown to Evans comes back because of a hold. Bucs can't regroup. Another penalty from Neal — this one interference — sets up the 49ers with first and goal. Purdy drops back, gets pressured, and runs it in himself.

Kittle in the backfield, McCaffrey out wide, and it's McCaffrey who catches the long touchdown. They're reviewing this for possession? He got both feet in and regained possession. This should stand. And it does. 21-0 49ers.
Deebo's down. And here comes the cart. Brady hits a long pass to Godwin. Fourth and 1 and the Bucs line up in the shotgun. Brady throws behind Evans. Those two just haven't connected this year. Purdy gets intercepted, but a questionable penalty on Carlton Davis wipes it out. Then he finds Aiyuk for a touchdown on the next play! Aiyuk SMOKED Dean. My goodness. 28-0 49ers at the half.
McCaffrey finds a hole in the middle, cuts to the outside, and outruns everyone in the stadium.
Very generous of the 49ers to allow the Buccaneers to score. Gould misses from 50. There's still five minutes left?
(49ers 35, Buccaneers 7)

FLEXING. Tua vs. Herbert! Dolphins stuff the Chargers on third and goal. Carter loses his footing after the catch and gets stopped short!

The other thing is that Carter can't be your guy there. Tua finds Tyreek to get out of the end zone and to the 16. Two Chargers had a shot at an interception on third down but neither got there. Dolphins challenge this deep pass to Joshua Palmer to no avail. That ends a scoreless first. Dicker hits from 33. Tyreek loses track of the ball. Joshua Kelley runs to the Dolphins' 12. Herbert rolls out and Mike Williams reaches out and catches it for a touchdown! Good job by him both getting it and getting both feet down, as that pass looked badly overthrown. Wait, what? WHAT?! Tyreek just picked up a fumble and ran 50 yards for a touchdown! Replay shows it somehow got knocked out of the pile-up and Hill saw it, picked it up, and took off.
Herbert finds Allen for another first down. He finds Palmer on the sideline after overthrowing him on a deep shot earlier. Sack! Ekeler gets all the way back to the 1 before going out of bounds. I don't need to tell you they're going for it here. Ekeler goes to the left side and punches his way in. How the hell is that roughing the passer? Everett with a bad misplay. Mostert gets a few yards on the ground for a Dolphins team that's done nothing on offense tonight. UNTIL NOW. Tyreek in single coverage? No chance. 17-14. Herbert finds Williams for 56! Man, if he goes the other way when he gets up, he scores because I don't think he was touched when he went down after making the catch. Allen goes out of bounds at the Dolphins' 8. They kick the field goal, which honestly surprises me. The fourth quarter opens with Waddle finally catching a pass. Tua scrambles for a first down. That's intentional grounding.
We finally get a reference to these teams' 1981 playoff game with the famous shot of Kellen Winslow being helped off the field. Palmer wants a flag but doesn't get one. Lot of Allen on this drive. Herbert scramble! Chargers are trying to just end this game. Fumble but they recover. Dicker makes a 28-yarder with 2:45 left and it's 23-14.
Sanders hits a 55-yarder with 1:10 left. Onside kick and we got a SCRUM. The Chargers end up with it — and a much-needed win. (Chargers 23, Dolphins 17)

Murray's down after a scramble. Colt McCoy's in. Corey Clement! Prater misses left! Genuinely surprised that Parker catch stood. Now Stevenson's down for the Pats. Prater hits from 30. Bill Simmons is on the Manningcast as the second quarter begins. (There's... history here.) I believe this is his first on-air appearance on ESPN since he was fired.

He thinks the Cardinals might be better off with McCoy against the Patriots. Have the Celtics overtaken the Patriots in Boston? Bill's going to Celtics-Clippers after this. Touchdown Kevin Harris, who's filling in for Stevenson, who's filling in for Damien Harris, if you're wondering how things are going on offense for the Patriots. Now Conner's down on the sideline. Hopkins spins out of a tackle and into another one. THEY SHOWED THE HELMET CATCH. Simmons admits that the 2007 Giants team legitimately beat them, but that the 2011 Patriots gave the game away. I think the '07 Giants beat the brakes off the '11 Giants. McCoy overthrows Hopkins in the back of the end zone. Eli: "Can we see it one more time?"
Field goal makes it 7-6. Simmons doesn't think Belichick will step down any time soon. Conner back in for the Cardinals, which is a rare piece of good injury news tonight, as the Patriots have also lost Parker. RIDIDCULOUS one-handed catch by Robby Anderson. And that's a touchdown for Conner. Cardinals pass on a field goal for no good reason. Big-time throw from Mac. Did Mac just fumble the snap? Peyton: "What in the world?" It was a bad handoff and there's four seconds left. These two teams are not coached well, and you haven't been able to say that about one of these teams in a long time. Field goal is good and it's 13-10 at halftime. Eli says it should be 20-7 or 16-7.
The Mannings are wearing big hats, Brian Robinson style. Folk field goal ties it. Noted Lions fan Keegan-Michael Key is on and he predicts that the Lions will make the playoffs. Hopkins fumbles and the Patriots pick it up and return it for a touchdown! McCoy gets hit as he throws and it's picked off. This fell apart QUICK. On the NEXT PLAY, the PATRIOTS fumble and the Cardinals return it for a touchdown! Did it even hit the ground? Now they're calling it an incomplete pass. I'd challenge that. The Cardinals don't, which is why they stink. Fullback touchdown. 27-13 Pats. We now have a montage of Adam Viniatieri trick plays. McCoy somehow never backed up either Manning brother. (He got to New York after Eli retired.) They marvel over Baker Mayfield winning a game with two days of prep in advance of Rams-Packers next week, the last regular season Manningcast. (Patriots 27, Cardinals 13)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Philadelphia (12-1) — A little bit of everything
2. San Francisco (9-4) — That was... unexpectedly great
3. Buffalo (10-3) — Had to grind this one out
4. Dallas (10-3) — This is why nobody takes them seriously

BOTTOM 4:
 29. Chicago (3-10) — The way forward is obvious
30. L.A. Rams (4-9) — A win worthy of Hollywood
31. Denver (3-10) — I cannot process that
32. Houston (1-11-1) — So close!

Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)