Sunday, October 17, 2021

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: Talk Up

Thursday night opens with a "classic" matchup of two teams who have seen far better days. Heinecke with a tight throw to McLaurin for a touchdown. We're... tied? OK. Clearly I'm not paying any attention to this. Jonathan Allen brings down Jones. Jones touchdown run is called back by holding. "Not much?" Really, guys? The receiver didn't let go of the defender for 10 yards. Giants settle for three. So the big Hard Knocks announcement is that they're adding an in-season edition, and the Colts will be featured in the first one. Washington forgets to cover Sterling Shepard. Then they screw up the coverage on Slayton, but he drops a touchdown in the end zone. Back to back false starts. Nice work, Blue. Jones just takes off and runs. This is field goal range? OK. Gano is GOOD from 55. 26-20 with five minutes left. Down the sideline to McKissick. Touchdown! Ricky Seals-Jones! That is a CATCH. Bradberry picks off Heinecke! Gano puts the Giants back in front with exactly two minutes left. Why are they even throwing there? I'd expect that from the other coach. First down Adam Humphries! McLaurin catch stands on review. Hopkins on from 48. Wide right! But there's a flag... Giants were offsides! They'll re-kick from 43. It's GOOD! (Washington 30, Giants 29)

When's the last time the Steelers beat the Raiders? (Raiders 26, Steelers 17)

No. Not Graham. No. That looks really bad. 49ers' running backs are falling like rain. This looks like last year's "offense." Especially the part where Hurts never did anything in the second half. Is Doug calling plays again? (49ers 17, Eagles 11) Good God. Enjoy last week, Texans fans. You're not winning another game this season. (Browns 31, Texans 21) On the road? I think I would have, too. How is that not a safety, though? If you're the Seahawks, you have to make sure this punt isn't fielded under any circumstances, right? Well, so much for that. Henry gets a first down and it's all over but the shouting. (Titans 33, Seahawks 30, OT)

Touchdown! Or not, as the Chargers get flagged for an illegal shift. Announcers saw the taunting first. Steratore comes on and says that the Cowboys took the five-yard illegal shift penalty because they'd have had to accept the touchdown otherwise, which no sane coach would do. Not even McCarthy. Then Herbert gets rushed back and throws it away.

They called him in the grasp? Nobody likes that, including me. Longer-than-expected field goal ties it. When's the last time the Emmys were on CBS? This drive's had three big plays and the Cowboys are still on their side of the field. Not any more! Cooper hurt? Cowboys waste time with a run on second down, then don't call time out until four seconds are left. Mike McCarthy, ladies and gentlemen! Zeurlein for 56. It's... GOOD! God, the poor Chargers. (Cowboys 20, Chargers 17) Did Leif Ericson burn down a treeline full of bird nests or something? (Cardinals 34, Vikings 33)

SPACE ELEVATOR.

Ray Lewis comes out of the tunnel. Al jokes that the Ravens may have to activate him in a couple weeks. Lamar overthrows Hollywood. HONEY BADGER PICK SIX. Extra point CLANGS through and it's good. BIG run by new Raven Devonta Freeman. Williams fumbles the ball into the air, but Duvernay's right there, catches it, and takes it in. Tied at 7. DRIP MONTAGE. Didn't Frank Clark basically replace Justin Houston in Kansas City? Hot take: Hardman is the Chiefs' best wide receiver. Touchdown Robinson! I was sure that ball was gonna be overthrown. Poor read by Lamar leads to another Mathieu interception. Gotta cover Hollywood, guys. This isn't great tackling on this Kelce catch. Is he gonna score? Seriously? Gotta credit the blocking on that, too. Lamar decides to do it himself. Two-point try gets picked off. I admire the Ravens' unwavering commitment to running the ball no matter the circumstances. Touchdown! Ravens lead! PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The Chiefs still have two time outs, which is a minor miracle. Third down pass falls short. Fourth and 1. Collinsworth suggests that the Ravens may go for it. They do! Jackson sneak picks it up! He's finally beaten the Chiefs. (Ravens 36, Chiefs 35)

MANNINGCAST. Jamaal Williams switched sides? Big pass play from Goff to -- what is this man's name? Cephus? Quintin Cephus -- that Peyton says wasn't anywhere close to the first read. Touchdown Lions, who lost all of their wide receivers last offseason. They could have shown Eli while he was talking about the touchdown. Clearly there's still some technical things to work out. Brett Favre's here. On the Manningcast, not at the game.

The Lions somehow have the lead at halftime? Huh. Rodgers to Adams for 50! Touchdown Tonyan! Lions go for it. Peyton wants them to run. They don't, and the pass is broken up. Peyton's not happy about it. Lions drop an interception after forcing Rodgers to throw into triple coverage. Rodgers comes back with a completion across the middle to Adams on almost a jump pass. Peyton: "I'm jealous of Aaron Rodgers." Rodgers finds Jones for the touchdown. Patrick Willis lives! He joins the brothers to break down the touchdown pass. Fumble? Fumble! Goff can't handle the snap and the Packers recover. Rain's coming down even harder as the fourth quarter begins. No one really likes this DPI call. Touchdown Jones. 35-17. Now Pat McAfee joins the show and asks why would anyone not want Aaron Rodgers' opinion on how things are run? ESPN flashes that Dan Campbell is the only one of the 539 players Bill Parcells coached to become a head coach himself. McAfee asks where Arch Manning (Cooper's son) is going, and Peyton says something about West Virginia, which seems like settling. (Packers 35, Lions 17)
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