Friday, January 29, 2021

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: New Starts, Old Ends


Packers turning up the speed. Rodgers finds St. Brown, who breaks a tackle and gets inside the 5. The flag is that he caught the Rams with 12 men on the field, turning it into a free play. Rams defense holds and the Packers kick a field goal. Talk of Goff's glove. Rams are sticking to the middle of the field in the passing game so far. Rams face a 4th and 1 from the Packers' 21. Commotion on both sides and the Rams eventually call time out. Then they false start and end up settling for a field goal, which they didn't want to do in the first place.


Jamal Williams getting some carries earlier than usual. Jones breaks a tackle and picks up eight and a first down. Are those snowflakes? About 9,000 people are here. Aaron Donald and a Packers lineman get into it. Rodgers finds Lazard on a quick slant to set up first and goal. Williams surges to the 1. Touchdown Adams on a play where they motion him across the field, then right back across before the snap. Ramsey couldn't catch up to him and the other defender didn't pick him up. 14 plays, 10-3 Packers.


Zadarius Smith stunts inside and takes down Goff. Big pickup by Jones on a Rodgers checkdown, and he breaks another tackle on the way. Good catch by MVS. Jones run is brought back by offensive holding. Williams converts 3rd and 2. Announcers bring up Rodgers' upcoming Jeopardy guest-hosting gig. Third and goal from the 1. Play fake, Rodgers pup fakes, scrambles, and ends up keeping it and taking it in himself! Bad snap on the extra point keeps it 16-3. Akers finds a hole for a nice run. Burkhardt mentions that it's warm today for January in Green Bay and I notice that the snow's not sticking. Two minute warning already. Reynolds brings in a low throw from Goff and he gets inside the Packers' 20. Touchdown Van Jefferson, who's replacing the injured Kupp. Rodgers scrambles away from pressure and finds Tonyan, who worked his way open, inside the Rams' 30. Hill ALMOST has an interception in the end zone but it goes through his hands. Another pass is broken up by Johnson. Field goal makes it 19-10 Packers at halftime.


Jones fights off two tacklers with stiff-arms and picks up 60 on the first play of the second half. Later he spins and backs his way into the end zone. They go for two here but the pass is broken up. Goff is sacked on 3rd and 7. Where's Aaron Donald?


And the Packers are doing whatever they want on offense. Rodgers misses Brown downfield. Holding wipes out another big Williams run. Darius Williams breaks up a deep ball for Valdes-Scantling, forcing the Packers' first punt today.


Rams already in panic mode? That Goff scramble is the first run of this drive. Direct snap to Akers gets nothing. Packers jump offsides. Touchdown Akers! Rams go for two and get it. Kenny Clark sacks Goff. A.J. Dillon loses the ball, but it bounces to Rodgers and he salvages three yards. Rodgers goes deep to Lazard, WHO CATCHES IT! TOUCHDOWN. They've missed a couple of those but that one hit, and it probably ended this game. Akers picks up four on 3rd and 2. Screen to Woods loses three yards. Goff is sacked on fourth down and the Packers take over. Pass to Tonyan gets 12. Williams gets two first downs on the ground. Packers are gonna run out the clock.


This'll be Rodgers' first NFC title game at home? Huh. (Packers 32, Rams 18)

Ravens open with three straight runs, all of which get big yards. Three more runs follow, including two by Jackson. First pass is a short completion to Snead. Ravens go for it on 4th and 1 and get stopped, but the Bills were offside. Bills bring everyone and sack Jackson back at the 40. Dobbins drops the pass. Tucker CLANGS? Welp. Goodell in the house. Allen overthrows Diggs by a good 15 yards. Unusually poor punt by Koch gives the Bills the ball at around the Ravens' 38. That's some good acting by Allen to draw that roughing penalty. Bass field goal puts the Bills on the board. Edwards fumbles but center Matt Skura falls right on it.


Allen overthrows Diggs again. Short sideline route to John Brown is good for a first down. The next pass to Brown is first ruled out of bounds, then correctly changed to a catch after a quick ref chat. Ravens don't bite on the hard count. Field goal is... no good. That's two misses at that end of the field, Al says. Snap gets away from Jackson, who corrals it, runs away from pressure and manages to throw an incompletion. Tucker from 47 and he CLANGS again! The hell's going on down there?


Allen loses his footing but still throws a perfectly placed ball to Brown. He's reverted back to missing deep balls badly, though. He's sacked and fumbles on third down, but the Bills save it. Ravens look at 2nd and 28 from their own 1 after a sack. They get a first down? How? Dobbins powers through for 11 and another first down. This drive also dies.


Allen lets Diggs work in space for a first down. Then THIS drive dies. There's a reason this game is 3-0 inside two minutes. Hollywood gets open in the middle of the field for 30. Dobbins gets to the 21. Ravens spike it with 13 seconds left. Refs look at this Boykin catch. Where's the second foot? Looks like it's a completion.


And he barely makes this one. 3-3 at halftime. Diggs' man gets picked and he gets free for a first-down catch at the Ravens' 30. Singletary with a powerful run. Allen bootlegs left and picks up another first. Singletary takes a short pass and gets to the 3 for first and goal. Diggs scores on a screen. The Bills had the Ravens outnumbered. Ravens on the move. Snead will NOT go down, getting nine on a short hitch route. Interception! TOUCHDOWN BILLS. Jackson never saw Johnson until he flashed in front of the ball. And the way this game's gone, that might be the end. ANOTHER bad snap. That's been a problem with the Ravens all year with both centers. Jackson throws it away and he's down in the end zone. There's a brief discussion of what this will be, and it's ruled intentional grounding at the 2.


The third quarter ends with Jackson still down. Who dis?


That's not RG3 or McSorley. Tyler Huntley? Good God. It's over. Jackson's in the concussion protocol. Huntley throws too high for Dez after a new report that Jackson's been ruled out. Bass field goal try goes left. This kid doesn't stand a chance. He's QB4! It's just bad for everyone involved. Hollywood to the rescue, coming back to the ball and saving a pick. Huntley scrambles to the Bills' 9. There's three minutes left. Dobbins can only get one on a run to the left. Snead juggles but can't hold on. Bills take over. Punt is almost blocked, but the Ravens get called for running into the kicker as a final insult. (Bills 17, Ravens 3)

CBS is rolling out three sideline reporters for this game (Tracy Wolfson, Evan Washburn and Jay Feely) The Browns get their coach back! This place looks pretty packed. Browns win the toss and defer. CBS in New York having problems?


And there's a pass to Hill for 31. Hill takes a handoff on 3rd and 2 and picks up a first down at the Browns' 3. Darrel Williams powers to the end line. Mahomes scrambles right and spins into the end zone. Extra point is wide left from the jump. 6-0. Browns get a big play from Njoku. Mayfield bootlegs right and runs through Hitchens for a first down. Blitz takes down Mayfield. Field goal is good. Hardman gets 41 on a jet sweep. Mahomes bails out with a stop-start run but the Chiefs get called for holding. Mahomes finds a wide-open Kelce in the middle of the field and he dives over Hardman for a touchdown. This Farmers Insurance Open commercial is aggressive. Peoples-Jones with a big catch down the far sideline. Offensive holding wipes out a completion to Landry. Mayfield's pass on 3rd and 20 gets batted... back to him, and he can't get away from the defense. Chiefs on the move again. They've only had one third down this game? This overthrow of Hill will create the second. Chiefs run a screen to Williams on a blitz but Clayborn is there to stop it. Butker hits from 50 into the wind. That's the longest playoff field goal in Arrowhead history? That's not pass interference. Mayfield with a bullet to Njoku for 26 yards at the two-minute warning. Higgins turns down the sideline and gets to the 20. Higgins again. He dives toward the end zone, but he fumbles! OH NO THE RULE. Touchback and Chiefs ball. I'll reiterate my objection to that rule: If you're on defense, and you don't recover a fumble, you shouldn't get the ball. It was also helmet-to-helmet by Sorenson, but that can't be reviewed. There's also this:


And now the Chiefs are driving. Hill takes this pass play inside the 10. Browns are offsides. Five seconds left and here's Butker. Field goal is good. 19-3 Chiefs at halftime. Mathieu picks off Mayfield! Butker misses from 33! The Chiefs can't land the kill shot. Is this the Browns' THIRD left tackle? Strong run by Chubb. Browns have gone back to the run game and it's working. Touchdown pass to Landry! They... kick the extra point? Huh. Nantz and Romo discuss that during the ensuing kickoff. Romo thinks they should have gone for two there. Mahomes takes a shot after scrambling right. He didn't get the first down, and Chad Henne (!) is taking snaps while he goes to the tent. He had trouble standing up after that hit.


We may not see him again today. They pitch it to Williams and he picks it up. Henne to Kelce only gets five on third and six. Butker from 33 again. It's good. Higgins and Mathieu yapping after a Higgins catch. Fourth quarter starts. Landry bobbles it and so does Mathieu, who Nantz says would still be running if he'd held on. Browns go for it on 4th and 2 and Hooper makes a diving catch. Touchdown Hunt! Mahomes officially out. 22-17 Chiefs with 11:07 left. Henne out here slingin'. What a catch by Hill! Browns challenge it but the ball never hit the ground. Call stands. Henne zips one to Kelce for 25 on 3rd and 5. Chiefs facing 3rd and 25. Henne lofts one into the end zone and Karl Joseph just has to play center field.


Mayfield sneak picks up 4th and 1. Pass to Hunt on 3rd and 11 only gets two because of pressure. This is the second punt of the game. 4:09 left. Garrett, who's been in and out of this game, sacks Henne! Two minutes left. Third and 14. Henne takes off! Did he make it? He went in head-first. JUST short. The length of a football. Chiefs line up to go for it, and they'll milk the clock for a bit. THEY THROW IT. Hill makes the catch! Romo's going nuts.


(Chiefs 22, Browns 17)

I love how it's basically an open secret among broadcasters that Brees is retiring after this season. Ronald Jones is back for the Bucs, while no Taysom for the Saints. Buccaneers go three and out to start, and this is a big punt return by Harris. Did he make the red zone? Not quite, but it's 54 yards and it's Saints ball at the Bucs' 21. Brees can't find Thomas in the end zone and the Saints settle for a 23-yarder. Brady is sacked for a second three and out. Harris finds a hole and has blockers. TOUCHDOWN? Tampa's kick coverage units have been... less than spectacular this season. This is coming back, isn't it? Sure is. JPP with a big play. 6-0 Saints after the Lutz field goal. The Buccaneers decide to slow down on this third possession. Brady sneak converts fourth and 1 at their own 36. Brady misses Evans deep and Lattimore was all over him. Screen to Godwin on 3rd and 5 gets 11. Fats Domino's "Walking to New Orleans" brings us into the second quarter. Cameron Brate makes a catch at the Saints' 17. Brady and Gronk don't connect in the end zone, for probably the first time ever. Field goal puts the Bucs on the board. Murphy-Bunting picks off Brees! Lot of contact between him and Thomas before the ball was thrown. He steps out of bounds at the Saints' 3. Brady to Evans for a touchdown.


Brees throws long to no one because there was hiding in the secondary. Jameis split out wide? Double handoff? Flag? TOUCHDOWN? They pick up the flag because the extra lineman did report as eligible. It counts! Just noticed that was a direct snap to Sanders, who handed it to Winston. (It's the same play the Bears ran against them last week that Wims couldn't catch.)



Brady throws deep on 3rd and 1 and it's picked off? Except it's not — Williams didn't get both feet inbounds. Call correctly reversed and it's 4th and 1. Did they punt? Weird. Lattimore and Evans bark at each other as we reach the two-minute warning. Nothing new there. Then Brady gets in someone's face after Fournette gets punched in the side after a carry. Don't know why the Bucs are running the ball here with 45 seconds left. They have two time outs, but still. They call one after this completion to Brown on the sideline. False start and Brady's not thrilled. Brady has Godwin in the end zone but he can't hang on. Are they reviewing this? They are. Call stands. Brate gets 10 back and the field goal team is out. It's good, and we're tied at 13 at halftime. Kamara finally breaks open a run. Ty Montgomery with a catch. Thomas really tried to sell that ball on the ground as a catch. Touchdown to Tra'Quan Smith! Gardner-Johnson down for New Orleans after not coming up with an interception. Murphy-Bunting misses a second pick. Winfield knocks the ball out of Cook's hands and Devin White recovers! Fournette beats Anzalone and Brady finds him for a touchdown. Neither quarterback has played a great game. Footage of their first meeting, back in college, a 38-12 Michigan win over Purdue. Big run by Jones will come back for offensive holding. Whoa! Tyler Johnson had to turn around and THEN reach behind him to catch that. Buck spots Scottie Miller, and then Brady does, hitting him after a double move for 29 on 3rd and 5. Jones back in and he gets another first down. Gronk dives in the end zone but can't corral the pass. Succop puts the Bucs ahead with a field goal. Aikman says it's time for the Saints to ride Kamara to a win, then laments that they haven't taken any deep shots. That's because Brees' arm is toast, dude. Another interception! This time it's White. Oh boy.


What was that look on Brees's face as he threw the ball? Looked like he was straining. Jones is tripped up at the 1. Brady sneak for a touchdown! David tips this pass and Mike Edwards has the interception. This is over. That's great foot control to stay inbounds.


Godwin gets a 14-yard first down off a wheel route. Aikman waxing on Brees' career while noting that with all the success he and Payton had, the Saints only won one Super Bowl. He knows it's over. Fournette gets a first down and now it's over. Buck compares 2009 Favre to 2020 Brady. Godspeed, Drew. You've got an NBC contract in your back pocket and you'll reportedly be calling SNF in two years. Or you can run for mayor and win by a landslide if you want. (Buccaneers 30, Saints 20)
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Thursday, January 21, 2021

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Sixes Wild

SIX PACK CHALLENGE. Bills win the toss and defer. We got fans here. That's an incompletion and I'm not sure why anyone would think otherwise. It went through Hyde's hands and ended up behind Hilton on the ground. That's good punt coverage. Down at the 2. Rivers throws a rainbow to Pittman at the Bills' 15. Drive ends with a field goal. Allen gets flushed out of the pocket and takes off for a first down.


Diggs extends on a ball down the middle and takes a hit for his trouble. Touchdown Knox! Allen danced around on a keeper for a few seconds before kind of shot-putting it to Knox.


Charles Davis wonders if that was designed. I can't imagine it was. 7-3 Bills. Kickoff is returned to the Colts' 43. Rivers throws to Hilton in double coverage and it's broken up. Rivers stays out but they don't snap the ball, then they punt. Rivers to Pittman for another big gain. Brissett sneak gets stopped. Touchdown Taylor on the next play. Pittman with another big play, making moves in the open field after the catch. Colts down at the Bills' 1 again. Two minutes left. Pitch to Taylor loses three yards. Colts go for it. Rivers drops back and throws but it's off Pittman's hands.


Colts are adamant that Gabriel Davis doesn't make this catch. They'll review it. Call STANDS. And here's another one on the opposite sideline. Call ALSO stands. Bills pass up a 44-yarder with 37 seconds left — and the hard count draws the Colts offside! It actually worked! Allen throws an interception in the end zone! This might be changed to an incomplete pass. It is. Allen on a designed run takes it inside the 10. Fakes the handoff, keeps it again, and that's a touchdown. 14-10 Bills at halftime.


Outside run doesn't work. Field goal is good. Rivers throws to Doyle right at the marker. They give them the first down. Trey Burton catches a low ball at the Bills' 20.


The Colts keep getting stuck in these third and medium situations and not converting. Field goal CLANGS off the upright and out! NO GOOD. Fourth quarter starts. Zack Moss is down after losing the ball, though he was ruled down by contact. The Colts challenged this during the commercial break and lost, so they're down to one time out. Allen launches one that drops right into Diggs's basket for a touchdown! Rivers does a good job of leading Pascal open. Oh, look, the Colts have 3rd and 4. Short pass to Pascal, who's in space and scores easily! The Bills commit a neutral zone infraction on the PAT, and now the Colts will go for two. They give it to Taylor and he... doesn't make it! These decisions at the margins just haven't gone the Colts' way today.


Bills debate going for it on 4th and 4, then change their minds and try a 54-yard field goal. It's GOOD! Colts need big plays and they get back to back ones from Alie-Cox and a 33-yard Hines catch and run.


Doyle WIDE open in the end zone for a touchdown! Colts go for two and there's Doyle again. 27-24 with 6:13 to go. Allen gets sacked. He then rolls left and somehow finds Diggs downfield. Tough running by Singletary to pick up a first down. Allen gets sacked again and fumbles! The Bills get it back, but they lost 23 yards there. They have to punt. White breaks up a third-down pass for Hilton. Sliding catch by Pascal! He gets up and loses the ball and the Bills fall on it. He's ruled down by contact. Bills call time. That's a fumble.


The Bills called time out to make sure that got looked at, and they just won this game.


Davis says Pascal should have stayed down because then he would be considered giving himself up. I'll add that it also would have saved the Colts time. Call STANDS?!? WHAT? I guess Pascal was touched while his knee was still on the turf? Man, that's tough.


Rivers throws two incompletions and there's four seconds left. Hail Mary doesn't even reach the end zone. KNOCK IT DOWN! Bills win! (Bills 27, Colts 24)

Wolford's going to start for the Rams, but Goff's available as the backup. His first pass in an incompletion, which is an improvement over last week. Both teams go three and out, and the Seahawks have the inferior punt but get a good bounce. Akers powers for a first down. Pass goes off Woods's hands but it was a little behind him. Wolford throws this past a reaching Jamal Adams and Kupp catches it for a first down. Wolford takes off and gets blasted. He's still down. That got flagged, right? They picked it up? That's a textbook shot to the head. He walks off and Goff is in.


He gets sacked on third down. Field goal is good. Two sacks on this drive. The Seahawks can't block Aaron Donald right now. That's a big-time one-handed catch by Lockett on the sideline. Rams blow up a play fake and get to Wilson again. Metcalf's mad about SOMETHING. Goff overthrows a double-covered Kupp. Wilson scrambles for seven yards on 3rd down but he needed eight. Myers hits from 50. Goff puts one up and Kupp comes back and brings it down. Field goal makes it 6-3. Pick six for Darius Williams! I don't know that I've seen Wilson make a worse decision than that.


Then he finds Metcalf open downfield for a touchdown.


Still no update on Wolford. Long catch and run by Akers for 44 yards. Akers does stay inbounds while stumbling. Aikman thought Goff was across the line of scrimmage momentarily. Seahawks challenge, but they'll lose. Akers takes it to the 10. And he cashes in for the touchdown. Seahawks can't respond and punt. Not sure why the Rams aren't trying to go downfield here — they have two time outs. Ball comes out at the end of this Akers run. They're reviewing it, but arguably the bigger news is Bobby Wagner was injured and is being helped to the locker room. This was eventually called a fumble but Pereira expects it to be reversed. It is. Wagner returns to the sideline. Nothing else happens and it's 20-10 Rams at halftime. Seahawks get the second half kickoff and Reed brings it in to Rams territory. This somehow ends with a 52-yard field goal. Really, Seahawks? Tom Rinaldi makes his Fox debut by reporting that Wolford's been taken to the hospital. Fuck. Donald hits Wilson, who ends up overthrowing a wide-open Metcalf by about 15 yards. He had TORCHED Ramsey and would have easily scored on a better throw. Donald a little slow getting up but eventually does. But now he's heading to the locker room as the Rams go back on offense. Ramsey with a great pass breakup. Young drops an interception intended for Dissly. The pressure on Wilson has been relentless. Rams think they got an interception but it clearly hit the ground. Still, it's fourth down. There's still 1:50 left in the third quarter. Don't challenge this, McVay. YOU FOOL. Seahawks punt.


Goff and Woods get the Rams to midfield. Lot of Akers on this drive except for a 3rd and 2 where they put Malcom Brown in and he only gets one yard. Field goal makes it 23-13. Rams punt on their next possession. That's a fumble on the return! The Rams recover! Goff finds Woods for a touchdown!


Seahawks are probably out of time now. Wilson takes off on 4th and 6 and gets 23! I don't think the Rams are gonna win this challenge on this ball to Swaim, either. Nope. Touchdown Metcalf. Onside kick, of course, doesn't work. Remember that Malcom Brown sequence earlier? Well, the Rams repeat it, and this time the Seahawks challenge the spot on third down and win. Rams go for it on 4th and 1... and don't get it. Seahawks take over with 1:55 left. Wilson sacked for the fourth time. He throws a rocket that Metcalf can't handle, then Nick Scott makes a great play to break up a deep ball intended for Lockett. Wilson sacked again on fourth down and that's that. (Rams 30, Seahawks 20)


And no Alex Smith for Washington, so Taylor Heinicke's going to start a home playoff game. Tirico and Dungy on the call. Bucs get the ball first, which seems like folly on Washington's part. No Ronald Jones tonight for Tampa. Dart to Godwin puts the Bucs in the red zone. Field goal is good. Washington can't do anything and they punt it back. Murphy-Bunting picks off Heinicke. Oh man, pressure right up the middle caused that. Washington loses Antonio Brown and he makes the catch down the sideline and scores. Succop misses the extra point, so it's still 9-0. Whoa, Washington on the move here. Oh, Tirico's at home while Dungy and Tappen are at the stadium. Good catch by Steven Sims on the sideline to convert third down. Touchdown McKissic, and a rare rushing one, at that — he's usually their pass-catching back. Ben's Chili Bowl B-roll! Reverse pitch to Brown gets 22. Godwin fights off Darby and brings in a touchdown pass. Bucs go for two with a Fournette run but he's dragged down short of the goal line.


Could have thrown a flag on Carlton Davis on that third-down incompletion. Screen to Fournette converts third and long. Gronk slows down Chase Young just enough to give Brady time to find Cameron Brate. First and goal from the 7. Bostic faces up Gronk and he can't stay in the back of the end zone on third down. Field goal is good. 18-7 Bucs. Heinicke gets sacked and they're reviewing if he fumbled or not, as the ball did come out. Call STANDS, meaning they said he was down. Honestly I can't tell where the ball was when Heinicke hit the ground. Washington receivers keep dropping passes. Where's McLaurin? Sweat finally gets to Brady. They're having a Pro Bowl Celebration instead of the physical game. Halftime. There's McLaurin. Brady goes deep to Evans but it's just out of reach. He goes to Brate on a shorter route on 3rd and 4 to get the first down. Fumble! Washington ball! Heinicke keeper. Cam Sims tries to jump over Antoine Winfield Jr. but the kid wasn't having it. The pocket falls apart, but Heinicke escapes, dives for the pylon... and gets there! Touchdown! Two-point try fails and it's 18-16.


Godwin drops what would have been a tough catch to make. Brate's been Brady's guy on third down tonight. And there's a catch by Evans to end the third. Brady goes down. Bucs settle for three. Evans makes a sliding catch and then heads to the sideline. He comes back in and makes a jumping catch at the Washington 3. Brate makes a diving catch for a touchdown, but it's overturned on review. Fournette runs it in anyway. Heinicke back in after an injury scare. I just realized Washington has two receivers named Sims. Steven appears to have caught a touchdown pass, but they're looking at it. That's a touchdown.


Heinicke's honestly played a decent game.


With five minutes left, Washington kicks it deep. Brady finds Evans for 35! Then Fournette rushes for 12 and the Bucs are in field goal range. Brady gets sacked for a nine-yard loss but Succop still makes the kick. This McKissic play should have been a catch and fumble, not an incomplete pass.


Lavonte David brings down Heinicke. Fourth and 21. Long ball falls incomplete. Washington has a secret problem: Heinicke's a free agent. They've dumped Haskins. And I don't think they can ask Alex Smith to come back again. (Buccaneers 31, Washington 23)

The AFC South on ESPN. Now it feels like Wild Card Weekend. John Harbaugh's salty about something pre-game? I can't imagine. Tannehill drops one perfectly for A.J. Brown on the sideline. Firkser converts 3rd and 4 at the Ravens' 7. Brown makes a one-handed falling catch for the touchdown. ESPN's ref John Parry says Brown should have been called for pushing off, but I see him and Humphrey getting physical with each other all day. Lamar throws a lob that's intercepted by Malcom Butler. Titans go to Firkser again on 3rd and 1 and he goes for 35. Gostkowski makes it 10-0.


Jackson sacked on third down. Brooks Reed's a Titan? Tucker makes it.


Derek Wolfe gets an easy sack of Tannehill. Ravens fake to Dobbins then pitch to Hollywood, who takes it into Titans territory. The pocket breaks down and Jackson takes off. THAT ACCELERATION. TOUCHDOWN!


Titans drive fizzles and the Ravens will get the ball back before halftime and the second half kickoff. Jackson is sacked for the fourth time, and this is a coverage sack. Late hit by Dez makes it fourth and a mile. Then defensive holding happens on the punt, and the Ravens simply kneel down to end the half.



Jackson goes to the fullback Ricard on back-to-back passes. First and goal. Dobbins follows his blockers into the end zone. Riddick suggests that the Titans try a deep play-action pass. They seem to, but the Ravens pick it up and they're forced to throw short to Henry. Third and 2 and no Henry? Levy says he's having a shoe issue. Titans punt.


Tannehill finds Brown for the first time since the first quarter, and add 15 for roughing. Ball at the Ravens' 25. Ravens run down Tannehill, but he manages to flip it to Henry to salvage something as the third quarter ends. Fourth opens with a Gostkowski field goal. Hollywood hobbles off after a big play. Tucker MISSES from 52! Good thing the Titans have A.J. Brown. The Titans have NO rushing first downs. Third down pass to Jonnu Smith is broken up by DeShawn Elliott, and they... punt.


It was 4th and like 3. Really, Titans? 14,029 here today. Jackson takes off and gets a first down. Ravens DO go for it on 4th and 2 from the Titans 22. Jackson flips it to Dobbins, who stumbles forward for the first down, but there's a flag. OPI on Snead. Harbaugh's salty? I can't imagine. But this time he's probably got a beef. Tucker on for a 51-yarder. NO way he misses two in a row. It's GOOD. Riddick notes that Corey Davis is on the Titans' sideline instead of on the field. Two minutes left. INTERCEPTION! The ball was tipped at the line, the receiver fell down, and Marcus Peters made the pick. And the Ravens celebrate by running to midfield and stomping on the Titans' logo as payback. That'll cost them 15 yards but they don't care at the moment. Jackson rolls right and takes off for 33 yards, staying inbounds and going down. Titans use their time outs but they can't stop the Ravens, and Gus Edwards gets another fist down to seal it. Derrick Henry only had 40 yards rushing. (Ravens 20, Titans 13)

This is the first NFC playoff game on CBS since the FOX deal. It's also the first playoff game on Nickelodeon ever.


Romo's posted up at the house. No Roquan Smith. Reminder that the Bears really shouldn't be here. Nantz puzzled that the Bears deferred after winning the coin toss, giving the Saints the ball first. Michael Thomas back with a 13-yard catch for a first down. Saints pass on a 56-yard field goal attempt to punt. Brees with a dart to Harris in traffic, and he picks up 17. Touchdown Thomas! THE NICKELODEON SCORE BUG JUST EXPLODED WITH GREEN SLIME CANNONS. Trubisky throws a nice deep ball to the sideline that's caught by Javon Wims. Then it's ruled incomplete.


Bears challenge. On the Nick broadcast, Noah Eagle (Iain's son) just compared the coach's challenge to Double Dare somehow. (Nate Burleson's doing color, and Gabrielle Nevaeh Green from the new "All That" is also joining them.) Call OVERTURNED, correctly. Trubisky's lined up wide? Double pitch and Trubisky launches one. Wims has his man beaten and DROPS IT. That's brutal. Trubisky keeps it on fourth down but gets hit short of the marker. Why did he go out of bounds? Harris picks up 17 on a dart from Brees. He's got four catches already. Second quarter opens with an apparent Bears interception off a deflected pass. This is close. I'm not sure this is reversible. Call REVERSED. Noah and Gabby are surprised. Gabby: "It's almost like tripping over your answers while you're taking a test."


Bears punt is nearly blocked. Nantz: "One touchdown pass for Brees, one for Trubisky, just that Wims didn't know it." Taysom's arm is hit and the Bears have it! They had a long ball cued up but the defense got to him first. Unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on Kmet sets them back. Romo thinks the officials thought he was throwing the ball at Malcolm Jenkins. Bears false start on the field goal attempt, but it's good from 37. CBS shows the Nickelodeon crew and the touchdown with the slime cannons.


Montgomery drops this pass? Fumble? Malcolm Jenkins picks it up and returns it into the end zone, but it's called an incomplete pass. Saints CHALLENGE.


I don't think they're winning this one. They aren't. Burleson is confused by the Bears' two-minute drill here. He compares Trubisky's benching to getting grounded. Like, they didn't do anything here. Patterson just audibly said something not very nice. The Nickelodeon feed is a little behind the CBS feed so I'm guessing they bleeped it out. 7-3 Saints at halftime after the Bears, again, do nothing.


Is this a full-on Spongebob episode? Halftime highlights are recreated in Minecraft-style graphics. Robinson with a tough catch at midfield. Romo says those are the kind of plays the Bears need and that they need to take more chances offensively. Saints blitz and get to Trubisky. Two fouls on third down well after the play. It's unsportsmanlike conduct on Gardner-Johnson and the Bears' Anthony Miller, who gets tossed after throwing a punch. Call back to these two teams' first meeting, where Wims got tossed (and suspended!) after getting into it with Gardner-Johnson. Kamara drops the handoff but recovers. Brees goes deep to Thomas for 37. Jared Cook breaks three tackles and gets another first down. I've been informed that the animations at halftime were actually something called "Roblox." We regret the error. Bears jump offside. Murray catches a pass from Brees for a touchdown. Bears go three and out. Saints taking their time as we go into the fourth quarter. Brees takes a BAD sack but the Bears get called for holding. Touchdown Kamara. Bears go three and out again. Brees converts a third-down sneak, then Kamara goes for 25. We're done here. Brees leaps over the pile and... did he score? They call it a touchdown! Replay says no, he did NOT make it. At least the slime cannons work.


Nantz doesn't know what "just the tip" means, does he? Call REVERSED. Bears take over. Trubisky with an effective but ultimately futile scramble. That was the Bears' first third down conversion today. Trubisky won the Nickelodeon trophy vote, which is hilarious.


Burleson was legitimately great on the Nick broadcast. Graham with a ridiculous one-handed catch to end the game. OMG THE FINAL LINE WAS 11.

Yeah. (Saints 21, Bears 9)

The last time these two teams met in the playoffs, they played a classic game that was immediately overshadowed by the one that followed it. That won't happen tonight. The Browns are down their head coach, four assistants, and both starting cornerbacks. Steelers get the ball first. Bad snap! Browns recover in the end zone! Touchdown! Ben dumps a pass off to Conner, who makes a spin move and picks up a first down. Intercepted by MJ Stewart! This is nuts. Landry takes a pass through traffic, bobbing and weaving through Steelers, and he's got a touchdown! 14-0 straight out the gate. Al: "If you just tuned in, I don't know what to tell you."


Derek Watt is stopped on third and short. Steelers punt. Chubb bursts up the middle for 21. They call this Higgins ball a catch? Apparently. Kareem Hunt breaks a tackle and overpowers three Steelers to score. 21-0 and we're not even 11 minutes in.


Pass is too high for Johnson and IT'S PICKED OFF. Returned to the Steelers' 14! Sweet Jesus. Hunt goes outside, gets another big block, and that's another touchdown. The Browns are punching the Steelers in the face. It's 28-0. That's a first-quarter playoff RECORD.


Steelers shooting themselves in the foot with penalties now, too. Ebron with another drop. SHOCKING. They go to him again on an underneath route and he picks up a first down. That's the end of the first quarter.



Roethlisberger misfiring all over the place. Pooch punt!



Browns also finally punt. And this might be ANOTHER interception by the Browns. This one was batted in the air and that's a clean pick.


The Steelers have managed to not screw up this drive so far. Johnson with a clutch catch. Fourth and 1 from the 2. Conner... picks it up. First and goal at the 1. Conner goes right and scores. 1:32 left. Mayfield scrambles for a first down and gets out of bounds. Chubb makes a catch and puts a move on Steven Nelson, getting him about 10 more yards. Hunt gets to the Steelers' 12. Browns use time out no. 2 with 42 seconds left. Touchdown to a wide-open Austin Hooper! Steelers blitzed and nobody looked for him. Boswell hits a 51-yard field goal to end the half. 35-10. Yes, really. Browns finding things in the middle of the field. But they can't get out of their own way and have to punt. Lot of Johnson on this Steelers drive. Ebron holds on for a touchdown. Two-point try is no good. Browns go three and out. Finally, a Juju sighting. Ben and Claypool miss each other twice. Juju makes it first and goal. Three straight incompletions to other guys before Ben goes back to Juju again and he has a touchdown. Now it's 35-23.


Steelers miss a pick-six as Peoples-Jones falls down. Pass to Juju comes up short. Fourth quarter begins with the Steelers lining up to punt, but not. This is a lot to not snap the ball. Now it's 4th and 6 and they do punt. That's a bad decision. The Browns' offense has died. Landry converts 3rd and 2, then he pulls one out of the air in Steelers' territory. Chubb takes a short pass 40 yards for a touchdown! Browns challenge this catch by Johnson. This might get overturned? It's 30/70?


Call STANDS. Steelers need to lean on Juju for the rest of this game as long as they're still in it. Touchdown Claypool! Stewart breaks up the two-point pass. Can the Browns run a four-minute offense for 11 minutes? Mayfield leaning on Landry now. David Njoku lives! Hooper with a catch. First and goal again. Terrell Edmunds had a shot at picking that off before Hooper dropped it. Parkey hits from 24. Ben throws ANOTHER interception and that feels daggerish. Takitaki had a pick-six against the Eagles this season that looked a lot like that one. Parkey hits a 37-yarder and that's that.


Steelers get an utterly meaningless touchdown with 1:07 left. This was incredible.


Cris wonders what's happening in Cleveland right now. Al alludes to it, but that was by far Roethlisberger's worst performance against a team he's owned his entire career. I think there's a legitimate chance that was the end. (Browns 48, Steelers 37)

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Friday, January 15, 2021

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 17: Cut Out

Signal Finder: DAL @ NYG, PIT @ CLE, AZ @ LAR, GB @ CHI, TEN @ HOU (end), SEA @ SF (end)

Nobody's playing in this game. Including Roethlisberger.


Mason Rudolph is starting instead, which leads to an early recounting of last year's incident with Myles Garrett, which both men have said they'd like to put behind them eventually. Chubb takes off for a 4-yard touchdown. Josh Dobbs now in at QB as the Steelers are clearly just trying shit. Jet sweep is sniffed out. Browns haven't won on Week 17 since 2009, which tracks. Mayfield to Higgins for 44. Field goal is good and it's 10-0 Browns. Apparently the Steelers don't want the 2 seed. Dobbs keeps it and gets a first down a the Browns' 8. They end up settling for a field goal. Browns stay on the field on 4th and 4 but the Steelers don't bite and they punt. 10-6 Browns at halftime. Rudolph hits Claypool deep. Pass to Conner comes up short but the Steelers are out of no man's land. Field goal is good. Browns having no trouble getting yards on this drive. Mayfield scramble. Touchdown Hooper and it's 17-9. MJ Stewart picks off Rudolph. Did the snap go wide? Mayfield finds Hodge at the Steelers' 5. Jet sweep to Landry to star the fourth quarter. Touchdown! 24-9 Browns and is it happening? Dobbs actually throws a pass. And it's even caught! Rudolph to Claypool on 4th and 10 for a touchdown! Browns pass on a 53-yarder and Mayfield throws incomplete. 3:35 left. Rudolph goes deep for Johnson and he's got it at the Browns' 10!


Touchdown Juju! Steelers go for two but the throw is high. 1:35 left. Wait, wait. All this — for a REMATCH next week? Mayfield keeps it on a bootleg right... and gets the first down! The drought is over! (Browns 24, Steelers 22)

Mike Evans got carted off? Oh no. (Buccaneers 44, Falcons 27)

I believe the way this works is the Giants would win a three-team tiebreaker, while the Cowboys would win head to head with WFT. Gallman should get 40 carries today. Play action reverse to Shepard! Touchdown! Extra point is an absolute botch job. Dalton gets picked off but Buck's pretty sure there was interference. Defensive holding, actually. Dalton gets sacked. This another new Cowboys punter? Gallman fumbles and the Cowboys have it. He never secured it. This is why these teams have six and five wins. Second post-play scuffle in a row after this. Dalton gets sacked again on third and 9. Jourdan Lewis headbutts a dude for no good reason and gets caught. Elliott still not back in the lineup. He tries to warm up again but comes off the field. Yet another Cowboys punt. Buck invokes Hank Stram by calling this game a "taffy pull." Shepard with another touchdown, this one on a catch in the near corner. Cowboys field goal is good. Flashback to the 1993-94 season finale between these two teams, where Emmitt separated his shoulder but still racked up 222 yards in a Cowboys win. It was Simms's and Taylor's last games as Giants (LT's last sack was Aikman). Dante Pettis beats Lewis and hauls in a touchdown. Will this count? Well, the penalty was on the Cowboys. Call STANDS as it's ruled he has possession long enough after breaking the plane. Zeurlein hits from 57 to end the half. Bradberry drops an interception. Cowboys punt. Donovan Wilson picks off a deflection that Engram can't handle. Dalton escapes another sack but Gallup can't haul in the touchdown pass. Cooper reaches for the pylon but is ruled out of bounds. Elliott cashes in. 20-16. Dalton slides for a first down. Field goal is good and it's 20-19. Dalton now on the sideline with a glove on his left hand, and he's not using it to hold his tablet. Lawrence sacks Jones on 3rd and 11. Shepard with two big catches back-to-back. McCarthy doesn't challenge this Pettis catch for... some reason. I mean, that's obviously not a catch. Come on, man.


Gano from 50. It's GOOD. Pass to Cooper only gets six on 3rd and 7. Cowboys run a read option, Dalton keeps it, and he picks it up. Two-minute warning. Dalton sacked AGAIN. Dalton on the run, throws it up, and it's intercepted in the end zone! Gallman picks up the first down but fumbles AGAIN! Who has it? One official says Giants, but another one says Cowboys.


Call is Gallman was "down with possession?" What does that even mean? You can see the ball pop up out of the pile. This is chaos. It's started to rain. Another view shows Gallman on his back with the ball somehow back in his hands.


I don't know how he got it back, but it's Giants ball and this game is basically over. crosses off Cowboys (Giants 23, Cowboys 19)

Couple of lost seasons here. Imagine having to follow that Lions regime. (Vikings 37, Lions 35)

All that and they won't even get Trevor Lawrence. Was it worth it, Jets? (Patriots 28, Jets 14)


(Ravens 38, Bengals 3)

Isaiah McKenzie has three touchdown! He barely plays!


(Bills 56, Dolphins 26)

Boomer in for Romo, who's in COVID protocols. No Goff or Kupp, but Murray's playing. John Wolford in the house for the Rams. First pass is intercepted by Jordan Hicks. No, really. Threw it right to him. Now Murray's hobbling off the field after a sack. HIS backup is former CFLer Chris Steveler. Touchdown... Jonathan Ward? Who? It's his first-ever carry, apparently. This time Wolford completes it to a teammate. Two straight option quarterback keepers to the left? OK then. Woods makes the catch inside the 10. Field goal is good. Murray throwing on the sideline. Wolford's been the Rams' best offensive player since that pick. Akers fumbles at the 1 and the Cardinals recover. But where did they recover? They rule that Murphy was stopped at the 1, also. It'll be Cardinals ball. That's holding in the end zone, and a safety. 7-5 Cardinals. Troy Hill intercepts Steveler! He's gonna score! Rams lead 12-7 at halftime. Jordan Hicks hurt? SHOCKING. HIGBEE. QUARTERBACK CONTROVERSY? Rams end up kicking a field goal. Tracy reports that Murray won't be back. Hopkins makes a diving catch on a dangerous throw but gets flagged for OPI. Then he says something to an official and gets hit for 15 more. Wolford finds Akers open in the flat for a 38-yard catch and run. Rams go for it on 4th and 3, and they get it to HIGBEE for a first down. Another field goal at the start of the fourth makes it 18-7. Murray's back in, and his first pass is complete to Drake for 10. Someone tell Kingsbury to slow down. Who is Sherfield? Maybe don't call running plays for a quarterback with a bad leg?


Field goal is BLOCKED! The Cardinals get the ball back and now they should probably be hurrying up a little more. Why are these fools punting?


Seriously, Kingsbury's probably the Cardinals' biggest liability right now. Is he already on the hot seat? crosses off Cardinals (Rams 18, Cardinals 7)

Saints have to try doing this without any actual running backs. (Saints 33, Panthers 7)

crosses off Dolphins (Colts 28, Jaguars 14)

Patterson touches this kickoff while he's out of bounds, putting the ball at the 40. The Packers challenge, apparently saying he touched it before he was out of bounds. If that's the case, the ball goes back to the 1. Call STANDS. Montgomery gets his leg extended and comes out of the game. Third-down run gets stopped. The Bears go for it and Miller reaches out to make this catch and take a hit. Patterson gets a carry. Montgomery back in and he scores.Left tackle David Bahktiari is out. Jones breaks a tackle, spins away form another one, and picks up 15 on 3rd and 8. Roquan Smith down for the Bears. Packers give it to Jones on 3rd and 5 but he doesn't even get close. They go for it, and Adams was held. Akiem Hicks and Lazard exchanging pleasantries? That was... something. Tonyan catches a play action pass for a score as the second quarter begins. Trubisky gets sacked. Tavon Austin fumbles the punt and the Bears are all over it. Field goal is good. Bears blitz, Trevathan ends up covering Valdes-Scantling, and that's a mismatch. 72-yard touchdown! 14-10 Packers. FUMBLE! Packers ball. Touchdown... Dominique Dafney? Oh, so it's like that. Montgomery with a clutch run. Santos on for a field goal. It's good. Rodgers and MVS can't connect on this deep shot. Moose wants to see Trubisky try one. He eventually does and Mooney brings it down! Great catch. Bears settle for another field goal after Montgomery gets stopped at the 2. Swing pass intended for Jones nearly becomes a pick-six for Mingo. NO idea why Rodgers threw that. Montgomery run on third down comes up inches short. Trubisky sneak gets it. Rinse and repeat. They run into this situation a third time and this time Trubisky passes on fourth down, but can't hit Robinson. Packers take over and straight-up march down the field, finishing off the drive with a Jones touchdown run. Interception by Amos! Oh boy. So much for THAT. Packers score two touchdowns in 50 seconds. And the Bears will back into a playoff spot they really, really don't deserve, and really, really, don't want, because now they're stuck with Trubisky, Nagy and GM Ryan Pace for at least another season. (Packers 35, Bears 16)

Good for Justin Herbert. Went from "the first-round quarterback nobody really liked" to the probable Offensive Rookie of the Year. (Chargers 28, Chiefs 14)

The Seahawks still end up winning the NFC West. But things feel weird. (Seahawks 26, 49ers 23)

And that's 2000 yards for Derrick Henry! Tannehill keeps it on a sneak and it looks like he gets in. There's a flag — it's on the Titans! It won't count. Tannehill gets very lucky that wasn't  intercepted. He boots left and scores! I don't understand how Henry doesn't get the ball on any of those plays but whatever. Still 1:42 left. Watson makes a sidearm throw to David Johnson, who takes it to the Texans' 41. Now we've got a simultaneous catch. Ruled Texans ball. Deep ball into the end zone ins broken up. Fairbarn on for a 51-yard try with 22 seconds left. It's GOOD! Tannehill goes long and A.J. Brown catches it! 54 yards and there was shockingly no safety help. Gannon can't believe it. Sam Sloman, Gostkowski's replacement, is on the field. Kick is up... and it CLANGS off the right upright and BOUNCES THROUGH! IT'S GOOD! JESUS CHRIST. (Titans 41, Texans 38)

I just feel like we're finding out why it took Vic Fangio so long to get a head coaching job. (Raiders 32, Broncos 31)

I'm watching the end of Wizards-Nets. Fuck this game and fuck the suits who thought people would want to see it. At least with Alex Smith playing it'll be a massacre instead of an unwatchable morass. Irving and Durant both miss game-winner attempts at the end and the Wizards pull it out by one point.


I'd make a rule that all eliminated teams must deactivate their punters in Week 17. It's not like you need to evaluate him at this point. Somehow that McLaurin touchdown was the first first-possession score by Washington this season. Screw it, make Greg Ward the starting quarterback.


Playoff schedule! I'm stunned ESPN isn't getting the worst game of the slate this time (which would involve whatever this game decides.) Also, NFC playoffs on CBS via cross-flex! Is it just me or are both of these teams playing like crap? Seriously, this shouldn't be a three-point game.


Hurts plants a fourth-down throw into the turf three yards in front of a wide-open Watkins. Sudfeld? Really? OK. Al and Cris never wanted to be here in the first place and now they're talking about tanking. As if the Jaguars didn't give Mike Glennon four starts this year or the Jets didn't bring Adam Gase back for this season. We can't actually be having this conversation. This is the NFL's fault, by the way — if this game was at 1 o'clock alongside Cowboys-Giants like it should have been, nobody cares that Nate Sudfeld's playing in the fourth quarter. Now Giants fans all over Twitter are pissed like they deserved to win this division. Well, maybe they would have if their Pro Bowl tight end who mishandles three passes every game had caught one in that stadium.


Hell, they should be thanking the Eagles for improving their draft position by more than the Eagles improved their own! (Washington's win means the Eagles will pick sixth instead of ninth, and the Giants will pick 11th instead of 19th, since division winners are automatically moved down in the draft.)








Also, if the Football Team plays this badly next week, they may not score a point. Brady'll do to them what Steph Curry did to the Blazers. (Wizards 123, Nets 122; Warriors 137, Trail Blazers 122; Washington 20, Eagles 14)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Kansas City (14-2) — Still the target
2. Green Bay (13-3) — Rodgers really does love beating the Bears
3. Buffalo (13-3) — A fifty-burger? Seriously?
4. New Orleans (12-4) — Fine-tuning, perhaps

BOTTOM 4:
29. (tie) Philadelphia (4-11-1) — So... now what?
29. (tie) Cincinnati (4-11-1) — Do we really believe in their future?
31. Jacksonville (1-15) — Welcome to hell, Trevor
32. N.Y. Jets (2-14) — Seriously, I hope you clowns are satisfied


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Tuesday, January 12, 2021

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 16: Crash Plan

Joe and Troy on the call. Saints start first with an 11-yard run by Kamara, who is wearing one red shoe and one green shoe. Saints hand it to Emmanuel Sanders and he gets 12. Kamara bursts through a hole and that's a touchdown. Buck: "Gotta be the shoes." Thielen with a catch on the Vikings' first play. Jefferson gets another first down, then Cook. Not a lot of defense to start. Cook runs through tackles for a touchdown. Ty Montgomery's still in the league? The Vikings are down several linebackers, while the Saints don't have Michael Thomas or Tra'Quan Smith. The Saints have a fullback? Aikman wishes Burton a Merry Christmas after he gets seven yards. Brees to Cook to the Vikings' 20. Latavius Murray with a catch to create first and goal. Flags everywhere on this pass as multiple Saints hit the ground. Touchdown Kamara. 14-7 Saints and we're 10 minutes in. Saints get a stop! Wasn't sure that would happen today. Juwan Johnson?


Kamara moving piles. Murray just running through people. Someone named Carr catches a pass that probably shouldn't have been thrown, but he's out of bounds. Brees placed that almost perfectly for a bad decision. Third-down pass to Kamara is broken up in the end zone. Lutz makes it 17-7. Cousins looks to Johnson, who gets 13 after Janoris Jenkins misses a tackle. Pitch to Cook on 3rd and 1 almost doesn't work, but Cook gets the first down. Jefferson catches a slant over the middle. Touchdown Mike Boone? OK. The Vikings can't stop Kamara. Sanders finds himself wide open and takes it inside the Vikings' 25. Brees is intercepted by Harrison Hand. Line collapses and Cousins goes down. Saints call time out after a punt. Buck notes that they didn't go to commercial afterwards, which may have caused some confusion. Payton is displeased. Eric Wilson almost intercepts Brees but Callaway ends up playing defense and knocks it out of his hands.


Kamara with ANOTHER touchdown. Vikings malfunctioning as the half ends. 24-14 Saints. C.J. Gardner-Johnson ends up with the ball and takes it back for a touchdown. But this is very clearly an incomplete pass. It's overturned and the Vikings punt. Sanders can't handle the throw and Hardy Nickerson Jr. (!) picks it off the deflection. Cook chased out of bounds at the Saints' 1. Play action leads to an easy touchdown catch for Irv Smith. Bailey MISSES the extra point. Sanders CAN handle this one. Kamara scores AGAIN and that's four. Thielen! Saints suddenly can't get out of their own way. Smith makes another touchdown catch and this time Bailey converts the extra point. Vikings are unable to tackle Jared Cook and he picks up 29. Touchdown... guess. Yeah, that's five now. Saints immediately get the ball back and now we're just waiting for it. Taysom out here kill-stealing. 45-27 with four minutes left. It's probably over. Vikings get a touchdown with 2:10 left but the onside kick fails. Brees to Trautman down the sideline! GO OUT OF BOUNDS. He does. Well, he gets pushed. First and goal at the 2. AND KAMARA GETS NUMBER SIX ANYWAY.


Considering how little he was used (and how clearly misused he was), I'm not sure this is an exaggeration. That ties Ernie Nevers, who did it for the 1929 Chicago Cardinals. Good job, everyone. (Saints 52, Vikings 33)

This is Brady's 300th game and 298th start, the latter tying Favre. No Ronald Jones for the second straight week. Lions blitz and Brady goes down, but they were offsides. Evans wide open for 33 yards. Oh, his man fell down. That explains it. Touchdown Gronk! He outreaches Tracy Walker and stumbles into the end zone. (That's their 96th TD hookup.) Extra point CLANGS and is no good. The Lions are without their interim coach, Darrell Bevell, as if they don't have enough problems. Stafford getting looked at on the sideline after that drive. Brady goes deep to Godwin, who makes a diving catch at the Lions' 30. Evans beats his man and hauls in a touchdown. SO Chase Daniel is in at quarterback as we see Stafford hop to the locker room. WR coach Robert Prince is filling in for Bevell today. The Lions can't stop the Bucs. Touchdown Fournette, who doesn't even need the hole — he just follows the push of his line. 20-0 Bucs. Touchdown Godwin. Did the Lions even have the ball between those two scores? This is a massacre. JPP drops an interception. The Bucs only have one Pro Bowler? That's... odd. Bucs run two fakes and Brady finds Godwin for a touchdown that won't count because they did too much and a lineman got caught downfield. So he hits Brate, who takes it to the 11. Touchdown Antonio Brown! That was a laser into a tight window that got tighter when the ball actually arrives. The Bucs have 410 yards of offense. Three guys have more yards than THE LIONS. Brady won't play in the second half.


Blaine Gabbert just threw a touchdown pass to Gronk. PUNT RETURN TOUCHDOWN. THE LIONS ARE ON THE BOARD. Missed the Bucs' next touchdown to watch the end of Kentucky-Louisville, so it's 47-7 now. Schlereth: "This clock can't run fast enough." This would be a fireable offense if they hadn't already fired everybody. Brady on the phone, possibly ordering vegan pizzas. Who knows.


Not sure why Brown and Evans are still in for the Bucs. This is their first playoff appearance since 2007. (Buccaneers 47, Lions 7)

The wave of the future. I actually had to Google those "how to watch" articles that seem like fronts for pirated streams at first glance. Funny thing about this matchup: CBS is producing it (the broadcast team is Andrew Catalon, James Lofton, and Sheree Burruss) but locally it's being aired on Phoenix's FOX affiliate and NBC Bay Area in San Francisco. Kirk with an over-the-shoulder catch on the sideline for 38. Pass to Kirk in the back of the end zone is high and Kirk takes a hit afterwards. Field goal is good. C.J. Beathard will start for the 49ers. Kittle back?


On the next drive, he makes a move after the catch and gets into Cardinals territory. They run a direct snap to Juszczyk, who scrambled under center, and he gets third and short. Beathard finds Wilson in the middle of the field, and he takes it in for a touchdown. That has to be his longest of the year, right? Good downfield coverage forces Murray to dump it off to Drake, and he gets nothing, ending the drive. Broadcast looks fine so far. I'm watching on the Prime Video Twitch channel and there were a couple of hiccups at the start of the game, it's been fine since. Fitzgerald reaches for the first down but doesn't get it. Cards going for it from their own 35, and Drake picks it up. But that's where it ends. This game hasn't been good. Reddick sacks Beathard at the 49ers' 2. Cardinals going for it again. 49ers send Warner on a blitz, but Murray runs away from him and picks up nine. Murray throws off balance and Hopkins can't hold on in the end zone, and he's slow to get up. Looks like he landed on Jason Verrett's arm and is holding his stomach. Field goal is good. Jordan Hicks watches an interception go right through his hands. This is called a fumble and the Cardinals eventually fall on it. On replay, it looks like the ball comes out before Beathard's arm starts forward. 7-6 49ers at halftime. Prime has its own halftime show! Beathard throws a block on an Aiyuk reverse that gets a first down. Beathard to Kittle for 18. Drive stalls. Hopkins misses the Cardinals' first play but returns for the second. Murray goes down. Beathard hits Kittle for 28. Screen to Juszczyk for a touchdown. Dan Arnold with a catch and fumble. Refs signal 49ers ball after Warner comes out of the pile with it. This'll get reviewed. I think he's down by contact but I don't see enough to change this call. And now my internet's gone down. Call STANDS. 49ers proceed to lose three yards on three plays. Cardinals go for it on 4th and 5 from their own 42, and Murray keeps it and takes off for 12. It's still wild to me that the Cardinals have a wide receiver named KeeSean Johnson WHO WEARS NO. 19. Drake leaps over the pile for a touchdown! Cards go for two and Murray throws a pass too short for Hopkins to reach. After a 49ers three-and-out, the Cardinals go for it again on fourth down, this time a 4th and 2 from their own 32. This one doesn't work.


Touchdown Wilson! Actually no. They rule him down at the 1 and Juszczyk gets in on the next play. Cardinals driving here. Hopkins fumbles out of bounds. Murray runs for 30! OH NO. Intercepted in the end zone. That wasn't nearly as bad as the one last week but it could end up being far more damaging. The 49ers can run this clock out if they play it right. That doesn't include throwing an incompletion at the two-minute warning, though. Gould MISSES! Cardinals have 1:09 and no time outs. GO DOWN THE FIELD. They do but Murray and Kirk can't connect. Fourth down pass is incomplete and Murray goes down. Does the NFC have seven playoff teams? Does it even have six? (49ers 20, Cardinals 12)

Carr back starting for the Raiders. Jacobs to the Dolphins' 5. Touchdown! Dolphins' drive stalls when Grant can't make a clean catch and gets stopped three yards short. Or does it? Tua rolls right on 4th and 3 and picks it up, but there's a flag. Defensive holding. The Dolphins fail on third down again and this time sanders kicks a 37-yarder. Jacobs barely gets the first down. Carr gets sacked. Richard gets 18 back of the 3rd and 19. Raiders keep the offense out at the Dolphins' 8. Field goal is good and it's 10-3. Dolphins try Lynn Bowden Jr. on a reverse. Third down pass comes up short. FAKE PUNT! They get 22 and a first down.


Not a fan of the Dolphins' third-down play calls tonight. Sanders field goal makes it 10-6. Raiders are in field goal range. Warner wondering why they ran a running play on second down here. Carlson makes it 13-6 at halftime. Tua dumps it to Gaskin, who breaks a tackle and goes in for the score. PAT is good and we're tied. Tua gets crunched on a sack. Agholor breaks a half-hearted tackle attempt. Waller with a sliding catch on a tough throw by Carr. Witten makes a catch. Dolphins hold and the Raiders kick a field goal to regain the lead. Tua's lucky that wasn't intercepted. Waller with another great catch. But again the Raiders can't capitalize. Tua gets sacked on third down AGAIN. Renfrow with a nice punt return. Is that Gesicki's first catch tonight? Also, I just realized: where's Davante Parker? No wonder this offense looks so bad. Gesicki extends and makes a fingertip catch inside the Raiders' 10. Fitzpatrick in on 2nd down for some reason, and Mack Hollins drops the pass. Then he misses Gesicki on third down. Dolphins settle for three and we're tied with four minutes left. Apparently Fitzpatrick came in to start that drive? OK. Agholor with an over-the-shoulder catch! he bobs and weaves and he's going into the end zone! 75 yards! That's the best he's tracked a deep ball probably ever. Extra point is MISSED! Fitzpatrick throws short to Gaskin, who spins to the right, goes down the sideline, and HE'LL score! PAT is good and the Dolphins lead with 2:55 to go. Carr goes deep to Agholor and draws a DPI flag. Oh, I don't know about that one. Jacobs slides at the 1-yard line, which I don't recommend since it happened right after Liberty tried this twice in their bowl game and fumbled the second time. Raiders take a knee on third down, then Carlson hits from 22. Hollins makes the catch on a blown coverage, and a facemask will add 15 yards. That face mask happened while he was throwing the pass! They're in field goal range with time for a shot at the end zone. Pass is incomplete, and here comes Sanders. 44 yards. It's GOOD!



The Raiders blew their season thanks to an unnecessary and stupid penalty? That's never happened before. This final score, however, actually hasn't happened before. (Dolphins 26, Raiders 25)

Signal Finder: IND @ PIT, NYG @ BAL, CLE @ NYJ (end), PHI @ DAL


Didn't even try to run the ball. Colts don't have their starting tackles and Watt sacks Rivers on second down. Colts pick up 3rd and 8. Floater from Rivers almost gets picked off. First and goal Colts. Taylor gets enough blocking to get into the end zone. Snell gets stuffed on third and 2. The Steelers' schedule has been absolutely fucked, yes, for reasons completely not of their own making, and I'm not sure enough has been made of that. Another three and out. Rivers gets sacked again and the ball's out. Steelers recover! That feels like the first break they've gotten in three weeks. First and goal at the 3. Colts jump on a third down incompletion. Second chance leads to a Conner touchdown. Taylor picks up another first down. Then he breaks three tackles and scores from the 2-yard line. Rivers beats the Steelers' blitz and goes over the top to Pascal for a touchdown!


Ben misfires on third down and the Colts will get the ball back. Long run by Hines will come back. Reich outsmarts Tomlin by staying in a no-huddle but waiting to snap the ball until there are five seconds on the play clock and 24 on the game clock. Then the Steelers don't call time (they had all three!) until after the third-down play, leaving them no tine to do anything.


The Colts will get the ball to start the second half.


Colts driving again. Steelers get a clutch sack on third down. Blankenship adds a field goal. Steelers DRIVING? Been a while since that's happened. Ebron makes a catch to se tup first and goal. Snell gets nothing on first down. They run the play that cost the Seahawks a Super Bowl on third down and Claypool doesn't even catch it. Fourth down pass is broken up! Roethlisberger goes downfield to Johnson, who makes a diving catch for a touchdown! Steelers showing signs of life? They get a needed stop after that score. The Colts' Moore gets hit with a DPI. Touchdown Ebron! It's a three-point game! Heyward slams Rivers to the turf. Conner gets what feels like the longest Steelers run in six weeks. Rhodes gets flagged for illegal contact. Ben pump fakes and finds Juju for the touchdown! Steelers LEAD! Nantz plugs the Week 17 lineup with "We have no idea how this is gonna play out." Rivers gets hit on a long ball and Mike Hilton picks it off! The Steelers have never had a comeback this big under Tomlin. Colts call their last time out with 2:29 left. Pass to Johnson is short and he gets knocked out of bounds. Fourth down pass is incomplete but they're gonna get the Steelers for interference. Rivers misses T.Y. Hilton completely on second and 7. He goes down on third down. The fourth down throw is a little too high for Pascal and the Steelers pull it out! (Steelers 28, Colts 24)

The loser's likely toast. Tackle eligible on the first play? What? Ravens keep running it. Jackson drops back, has all kinds of time, and finds Hollywood for an easy touchdown. Giants moving backwards. Jackson finds Snead for a first down at the Giants' 19. Dobbins takes it to the 3. Touchdown Dobbins and it's 14-0 Ravens early. Weird bit when Jackson attempts a pump fake and the ball slips out of his hand. Dobbins breaks through a tackle and picks up a first down. Tucker hits and it's 17-0. Morris picks up a necessary first down for the Giants as we hit the two-minute mark. Jones overthrows high for Austin Mack in the end zone. Humphrey breaks up the pass on third down but gets flagged — but the refs pick it up. Field goal is good. Jackson to Andrews, who breaks away from Peppers and gets out of bounds with 42 seconds left. Jackson keeps it and gets to the 30. Ravens call their last time out. The Ravens keep their offense on the field with seven seconds left. The GIANTS call time out. Then the Ravens change their minds and send Tucker out to make it 20-3. Edwards with a big run before being caught from behind at the Giants' 40. Ravens end up punting. Judo blows up Shepard on a screen. Giants kick a field goal for some reason. Another big Ravens run, this time by Dobbins. Edwards turns the corner and gets inside the Giants' 10 as the third quarter ends. Dez! Touchdown! Judon brings down Jones. McPhee brings down Jones. Board brings down Jones. ROUGHING THE KICKER. Really, Ravens? It was 4th and 22! Lewis runs through a big hole. Jones finds Shepard for a touchdown. Jones is sacked for the sixth time. Edwards... is NOT in. Ruled out of bounds at the 1. Is this a fumble? It is! Giants have it but I doubt it matters at this point. Aaand it doesn't. (Ravens 27, Giants 13)


This is also true. (Chiefs 17, Falcons 14)
So there's that.
Hooper doesn't get the first down, but he does get out of bounds, which helps a little. So it's 4th and 1. Mayfield sneaks and I'm not sure he got it. Did the ball come out? It did! Are the Jets going to win AGAIN? Neither of these teams can do anything right. And now the Jets are locked in at #2. (Jets 23, Browns 16)


(Panthers 20, Washington 13)

No idea why this game's still in the late window. Also no idea why DeSean's active, let alone starting. Also not sure that hit on Sanders was actually late. Back-to-back scrambles by Hurts and the Eagles are in the red zone. I wouldn't throw a single pass today if I were coaching the Eagles. As soon as I say that, he completes one to Reagor for nine yards. Sanders picks up the first.


Hurts goes right and runs over Jourdan Lewis for the score, but replay shows he stepped out of bounds at about the 6. Still, this Cowboys defense is pathetic and drafting CeeDee Lamb in the first round instead of defense (Arnette, Queen, or Chaisson) was a fatal error. Sanders scores anyway. Dalton to Cooper for 35. Jacquet interferes with Gallup, who'd beaten him downfield. Dalton throws too far for Pollard. Field goal is good. JACKSON. WHAT THE HELL. TOUCHDOWN. Cowboys just gave up on that play. In better news for Dallas sports fans, the Mavericks are up 50 on the Clippers at halftime.


Elliott runs into the line on third and 4. That doesn't work. Cox on the sideline with his jersey off as we start he second period. That's a bad sign. Elliott catches a pass for a first down. Gallup reaches out to make a catch in traffic, then weaves through defenders for a touchdown. Scott fumbles the kickoff and it's ruled that the Cowboys recover! But replay shows he was out of bounds when he got the ball, so the Eagles should keep this. SHOULD. We have been here before. It's Eagles ball. Somehow the Giants are still alive if the Cowboys win this game. Hurts with a ton of time and he finds a wide-open Fulgham. Why is Jordan Howard getting carries?


That's a bad punt. Is Johnston still concussed?


Gallup speed down the sideline and is forced out after a 55-yard pickup. Dalton rolls right on 3rd and goal but he won't make it. Cowboys kick the field goal, which seems unwise even with how mediocre Zeke has been this season. Hurts finds Ward for a first down, then Goedert for another one. Elliott hits from 37. Dalton finds Schultz for 16 on 3rd and 2. The Eagles can't cover Gallup, who makes a great catch on the sideline. The Eagles can't cover Gallup, who catches a touchdown over Jacquet. 20-17 Cowboys at halftime. FOX's new cinematic camera is being wasted on this game. Lamb lights up the Eagles for a 52-yard touchdown. Eagles have gotten zero pressure on Dalton. Graphic says it's been 24-3 Cowboys since Cox went out. Eagles go three and out. Now it's Cooper making a big play downfield. That's 70 yards. My God. Jacquet fell down, it seems.


Why run the ball, Cowboys? Field goal is good. Quez Watkins again, this time for 43. Then Hurts is hit and fumbles, but Mailata is on top of it. Run the damn ball, Doug. Eagles get a stop? They line up to go for it on 4th and 3 but can't draw the Cowboys offside and get hit with a delay of game. I don't know why you do that with a running quarterback in a must-win game. Slay picks off Dalton! He jumped in front of Lamb. That's the first interception by an Eagles cornerback this season, which is an absolute joke of a stat. Eagles moving backwards as the third quarter ends. Another false start makes it 3rd and 23. DeSean makes his first appearance since his touchdown. Pass to Ertz comes up short. Vilma's actually right here; why not try a 51-yarder?


Zeke gets 13 on what has to be a gassed defense. Eagles suddenly find something in the passing game. About time, as the Cowboys' defense is bad all the way around. Reagor catch gets them into the red zone. Hurts is flushed to the left, throws on the run, and it's intercepted in the end zone. Jeffery draws a DPI flag. Hurts scrambles but the ball comes out. Cowboys have it. His knee's down. This should be Eagles ball. Call STANDS? The fuck? Also, it doesn't actually matter. It's just the principle of the thing. Lamb takes a jet sweep to the house. It's for the best. (Cowboys 37, Eagles 17)

Goff's looked awful the last two weeks. So have the rest of the Rams, to be fair. And now he's got a broken thumb? Uh-oh. (Seahawks 20, Rams 9)

Is Al back? Tirico's back in the studio. FROZEN TUNDRA. It is ACTIVELY snowing.



Al IS back. Packers get the ball first. Jones with a run for a first down. Allen Lazard back? Adams dives for a touchdown after eluding Adoree' Jackson. That was surgical. Extra point is no good. Titans decide to punt with Kern in stead of trying a 50-yarder in these conditions. It doesn't go well. Rodgers scrambles for 13. Defensive holding gives the Packers a first down. Tonyan's broken out this season. Is that a slide outside Lambeau? Footage of a lone skier "walking" a dog on the empty Green Bay streets. Second quarter starts with a touchdown pass to St. Brown. Packers go for two but it doesn't work. 12-0. Rodgers' two touchdowns tonight break a tie with Favre for the most ever by the home quarterback at Lambeau. Titans just have to keep doing what they do here. Which is NOT Tannehill throwing interceptions. A.J. Dillon getting some run tonight. Touchdown Adams! Zadarius Smith gets Tannehill. Another catch by Adams. Rodgers overthrows Tonyan on third and 8. Field goal is BLOCKED! And we've got a return! Al has NO idea what yard line they're at. THE TITANS WERE OFFSIDES. NONE of that counts. Wow. Cris: "That was very close to not being offsides." Now it's 4th and 3 and the Packers will go for it now. Sack! So the offsides ends up costing the Titans 52 yards of field position, but they still keep the Packers from scoring again and get the ball. Tannehill steps up in the pocket and finds Jonnu Smith in the end zone. 19-7 Packers at halftime. A.J. Brown runs off to the sideline after a catch. Third and 1 and Tannehill fakes it to Henry and keeps it. Is he gonna outrun these guys? Touchdown!


Jones appears to be stopped, but bounces it outside and goes down the sideline to the Titans' 10. Oh, he stepped out of bounds well before that. There's no challenge! The Packers get the next play off! Collinsworth notes that that run was down the Packers' sideline, and they sure weren't gonna say anything. Adams gets away from a double team and catches a touchdown pass! Back from break and we learn that not challenging the Jones play cost the Titans 56 yards. Dillon gets it on 4th and inches and goes 30 yards into the end zone untouched. Kirksey picks off Tannehill. Then Butler picks off Rodgers. Titans get nothing out of it and that's probably it for tonight. Washington-Philadelphia's the Sunday night game next week? WHY? That's a terrible game if Alex Smith doesn't play and will be a wipeout if he does.


Titans can't handle Adams. Touchdown Dillon. He does a Lambeau Leap and Lazard almost shoves him over the wall. (Packers 40, Titans 14)
We haven't seen Sony Michel in MONTHS. Double pass is DROPPED. Field goal is good. Andre Roberts returns the kickoff to near midfield. Mostly Singletary on this drive, even catching a pass for a first down. Field goal ties it. Cam's not human. How do you wake up at 4:30 in the morning and not have coffee for three and a half hours? Bills run a FAKE PUNT PASS and get a first down out of it! Allen has tons of time, but Taiwan Jones drops a touchdown despite having no one within five yards of him. Zack Moss gets a first down. The Bills rush the next play to get it in before the quarter ends, Allen throws an interception, but there's an offside penalty on the Patriots. Then Knox drops a touchdown. Moss finally just runs it in. J.C. Taylor? Both teams emptying the practice squads tonight, I see. Newton somehow escapes a sack, everyone stops for a blink, and then he takes off, makes three guys miss, and scores! Folk misses the extra point. Touchdown pass to Gabriel Davis is waved off. Knox catches a deflection in traffic. Allen to Lee Smith, their third tight end, for a touchdown. The Pats' top sacker only has three and a half? It's worse up there than I thought. Allen finds Diggs in a tight window, and he outruns double coverage and stumbles into the end zone. 24-9 Bills. Jordan Poyer tackles Cam and clearly loses that battle.


His replacement comes on a blitz two plays later and gets him. Then a bad low throw on third and 9 ends the drive. It's halftime. Pats challenge this Knox sideline catch and lose. Touchdown Diggs! Newton still in this game for some reason. The Bills have a left-footed punter. You wouldn't know that, as the Bills have the fewest punts this season. All kinds of contact on this fair catch. Let's sort it out while we pay for the cameras. Or not. Belichick already ready to challenge. The refs decide that no one actually contacted the ball, so the Patriots will get it after all. Stidham in at quarterback. Diggs makes a sliding catch for his third touchdown of the night. This is payback. Nothing more. I still can't believe Belichick came back after Brady left. (Bills 38, Patriots 9)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Kansas City (14-1) — This is actually probably sustainable
2. Green Bay (12-3) — Learned their lesson from last week
3. Buffalo (12-3) — Feels like they're getting hot
4. New Orleans (11-4) — Don't forget


BOTTOM 4: 

29. (tie) Philadelphia (4-10-1) — Nothing's really changed
29. (tie) Cincinnati (4-10-1) — Rivalry games just mean more
31. Jacksonville (1-14) — Mike Glennon? Seriously?
32. N.Y. Jets (2-13) — NO DON'T DO THIS

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