Sunday, December 20, 2020

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 14: The Uprising

It's a rematch of the worst Super Bowl of the 21st century! The Rams' Cam Akers casually runs for 35 yards. He's grabbed the lion's share of carries over the last couple of weeks. Kupp is forced out of bounds at the 1. Goff sneaks on fourth down. Are we sure he made it? Oh, OK. Didn't realize he went over the top. Patriots are stopping the run as well as the Cowboys right now. They finally stop a screen to Woods. But he makes a 14-yard catch on the next play (3rd and 12). Goff is called for intentional grounding, creating 3rd and 18. Akers slows down after this catch and ends up two yards short. Field goal is good, and they pick up a flag, so it's 10-0. Still nothing from the Patriots. Interception? Interception! Touchdown! Or not, as he appears to be down by contact. The throw to Woods was low and Bryant took it out of his hands. Review confirms this. Now THIS one's intercepted and it's a pick-six for Kenny Young! Cam couldn't see anything there. Extra point is nearly blocked but it's 17-0 Rams. Newton finds Jamere Byrd wide open inside the Rams' 20. Did the patriots just run back-to-back quarterback sneaks? Nope, that fourth-down play call was worse. No idea what the plan was. If it was a pass, it took too long to develop, and if it was a run, it took too long to develop. Cam finds Meyers downfield for a nice gain. N'Keal Harry converts 3rd and 5. Graphic shows Belichick can't draft wide receivers, which I've only been telling you for the last three years. Cam avoids a sack and picks up seven. Pass to Meyers is short of the sticks. Folk kicks it through, and that sets a new record for consecutive games with a first-half score. Rams get stopped and the Patriots get the ball back with 30 seconds left. Pass is tipped and Meyers not only saves it, but catches it. Slant is incomplete and it's Hail Mary time. They hand it off to White for... some reason. There's a penalty, but it's on the offense. Halftime. Pretty sure Hill got away with interference on Harry on third down. Akers still doing whatever he wants. I don't think we've even seen Henderson yet. This is short. They measure and it's still short. Rams give it to Akers and he picks it up. Fourth and 1 at the Patriots' 4 now. First the Rams try to draw the Patriots offside and fail. Then they call time out. Then the Patriots actually DO jump offsides. Goff rolls right and hits Kupp for a touchdown. Stidham is in at quarterback with 10 minutes left. He throws on 4th and 4 but it's broken up. Kupp gets 22 on 2nd and 21. Woods gets behind the defense but has to come back to the throw and can't catch it. Stidham gets sacked. That's No. 6 tonight. Joe and Troy are going to Vikings-Bucs? When's the last time they did an early game on a FOX doubleheader week? And why was Saints-Eagles not buried? And why did Belichick come back to coach THIS team? (Rams 24, Patriots 3)

Signal Finder: KC @ MIA, AZ @ NYG, NO @ PHI, WSH @ SF (end)

Mike Nugent back? More importantly, Daniel Jones back. He's sacked and the ball is picked up by ex-Giant Markus Golden! He returns it inside the 10! Some things never change. Christian Kirk takes a sweep to the 1. Drake is stopped on third down. Cardinals go for it. They roll Murray out, and Bradberry breaks up the pass in the end zone. Giants fail to capitalize on the Cardinals' failure to capitalize. Murray has nowhere to go and takes off. 34-yarder by Nugent is good. Was he a Cardinal before? (Yes, for two games back in 2009.) Logan Ryan almost intercepts Murray, but Hopkins plays defense and breaks it up. Andy Lee's still playing? Good protection by the offensive line, giving Murray time to find the tight end. More questionable playcalling by Kingsbury leaves the Cardinals out of the end zone. 6-0. Lewis fumbles the kickoff return. Cardinals recover! Hang on, what? The ball was KICKED out of his hands? Blandino says they can't review that part of it. Murray with a high throw. Touchdown to Dan Arnold in the back of the end zone. Jones finds Slayton for a first down, but three plays later he throws one out of his reach. Cardinals run to the line to try to beat the review of this Arnold catch. They don't, and it looks like he couldn't maintain control. It'll be fourth and 5. They'll pass on a 54-yard field goal to punt. Jones is sacked and fumbles AGAIN, but this time he recovers it. The Cardinals are going to get the ball back here. Nugent on for a 55-yard try. Kenny Albert notes that Nugent, Vilma and Kingsbury were all on the 2005 Jets. Kick is short. 13-0 Cardinals at halftime, and they'll get the ball to start the third quarter. Drake breaks one. Maxx Williams down at the Giants' 1. Drake breaks the plane for a touchdown. Hey, look, the Giants still stink. McCoy is warming up as Nugent kicks the extra point, but Jones comes back out for the Giants. He passes to Gallman for a first down. Gallman runs for 14 and the Giants have finally crossed midfield. Bomb to Tate to the 1. Lewis scores too quickly for the announcers. Hopkins left all alone and gains 40 yards. Murray goes down on 3rd and 13 and the Cardinals punt. Jones goes down again and he fumbles again, but the Giants manage to keep it. Shepard makes a tough catch on 3rd and 15 for a first down. Jones is sacked AGAIN. Cardinals add another field goal. Now McCoy's in and HE gets sacked. That's seven today, and four just by Hassan Reddick. Make it five. (Cardinals 26, Giants 7)



ANOTHER miss by Bailey. He looks done.


Something's going on out there, and it's not good. (Buccaneers 26, Vikings 14)

Dolphins are down several running backs. Grant drops what would have been a big pass over the middle. This Mahomes ball is tipped and Byron Jones intercepts it! Wait, that was his first interception since 2017? How the hell did he get paid? They try a wide receiver pass with rookie Lynn Bowden Jr., but it takes too long to develop and falls incomplete. Nantz just jinxed Jason Sanders. Chiefs take over. Reid's not wearing his full face shield, instead opting for this weird configuration of a triangular-shaped mask that only covers his mouth and nose. WHAT? This is a chase down sack. 30 yards! That's more than a breakdown, that's a demolition. Mahomes thought he could outrun the dude, I guess. Touchdown to Gesicki. Oh dear.


Mahomes just didn't put enough on that one. Third down pass is too high for Parker. Field goal is good and it's 10-0 Dolphins.


Nantz notes that Hill hasn't been targeted yet. Two plays later they do and he's in the end zone. Tua throws a deep ball up for Grant, but he can't catch it and Mathieu ends up with it! That's his fourth in he last three games. He gets in Austin Jackson's face afterwards after the Dolphins' rookie hits him after the play ends, Jackson outweighs Mathieu by probably 100 pounds. Three straight plays for Bell. Touchdown Kelce.


Parker returns after the kickoff. Edwards-Helaire back and breaking tackles as the second half starts. There's Hill again. Touchdown Chiefs. PUNT RETURN TOUCHDOWN. Hardman goes to the near sideline and 67 yards later he's in the end zone. 28-10 Chiefs. That wasn't even two minutes in game time.


Kelce converts 3rd and 3 and gets 28 to the Dolphins' 43. Chiefs go deep again. Hardman fumbles and the Dolphins have it. Safety! Xavien Howard picks off Mahomes in the end zone! That's five straight games for him with one. That's also Mahomes' third pick today and this game would be 50-10 without them. Mack Hollins (!) with a catch. Gesicki outjumps Thornhill and that's a touchdown. Chiefs go three and out. There's still 10 minutes left. Dolphins are going no-huddle but this doesn't seem like a very hurried drive. The Dolphins get a pass interference call on Hitchens in the end zone. Tua sneaks it, and after a delay, the refs signal touchdown! This is somehow a one-score game! Edwards-Helaire gets stopped on 3rd and 1. Reid calls time out. Quick convo and Mahomes goes back out. This is going to the right, as Hill, Kelce and Watkins are all lined up over there. Mahomes flips it to Hill and they get it. This penalty will stop the clock and might also help the Dolphins by moving the Chiefs back. Butker on for a 46-yarder. It's good. Nantz notes that they're now up nine because of the safety. Dolphins get a last gasp field goal but the onside kick goes right to Robinson. Nantz and Romo wonder if the Chiefs are better than last year. (Chiefs 33, Dolphins 27)


(Seahawks 40, Jets 3) 

Burkhardt says the Eagles are "slumping." Saints get the ball first... and go three and out. First Hurts play is a keeper. Hurts scrambles for five on 3rd and 4. They've barely used sanders the last three weeks. Is that changing? Reagor gets flattened on 3rd and 8, only getting seven. The Eagles go for it and Hurts picks it up. Eagles suddenly having timing issues. Back-to-back penalties turn 3rd and 1 into 3rd and 11. Hurts goes right but doesn't make it. Eagles go for it again but Malcolm Jenkins buries Sanders. Hill finds an open Thomas for a first down. Slay stops Thomas on third down. Lutz MISSES. Hurts just misses Reagor on a deep crossing route. Quez Watkins gets his first play on a jet sweep. Reagor WIDE open and gets 40! Someone blow a coverage? Hurts keeper gets two on 3rd and 3. Pederson going for it again. Hurts finds Jeffery for a touchdown. Kamara finds a hole. The Eagles intercepted a pass? It's the apocalypse. That came off a deflection. It's only their fourth interception of the season (and linebackers have two of them), which is pathetic by itself and devastating when you consider how bad the offense has been most of the year. Eagles challenge this Ertz incompletion on the sideline. Is his right foot on the ground when he catches it? I think that's the question here. Call STANDS. Moose wonders if it was the left foot that the officials thought came up. Yeah, I don't know about that one. Elliott is good from 44. Taysom zips one past Robey-Coleman to Thomas for seven on 3rd and 4. Hill gets stuffed on third and short. Ward doesn't field the punt and it rolls to the 4. Maddox is heading to the locker room. Hurts keeps it and gets a first down, but doesn't go out of bounds. SANDERS! 82 yards! See what happens when you give him the ball, Doug?



Hill's mostly looked the way we thought he'd look. Goedert breaks a tackle, gets a first down, AND gets out of bounds. Hurts takes off down the near sideline and he'll get out of bounds as well. That's the biggest difference I've seen so far: Hurts is making much quicker decisions. Add five for illegal contact on the other side of the field. Another Hurts run. He slides at the Saints' 8 and calls time with nine seconds left. Elliott CLANGS off the upright and MISSES a 22-yarder. Good God. 17-0 Eagles at halftime.


Block Cam Jordan, please. Eagles blitz and Hill hits Kamara at the Eagles' 10. Now SLAY's down. Why run it facing a secondary that currently consists of Jalen Mills and street free agents? Easy touchdown for Kamara on a sweep. Slay AND McLeod are off with injuries. That's 100 yards for Sanders, the first player to rush for 100 on the Saints in 56 games. Eagles go for it again. Hurts sneak has NO chance. Saints take over.


Duke Riley can't cover Michael Thomas. Hill hits Emmanuel Sanders for a 37-yard touchdown. He held on through the contact. If I'm the Saints, I call nothing but pass plays from here on out. They... do not do this.


Sweat sacks Hill, who also fumbles, but it's irrelevant, and the Eagles will take over. Now Hurts is over 100 yards rushing. There's Ward. Sanders scores after some penalty foolishness. 24-14 Eagles. Hill finds Thomas over the middle. Saints... not exactly operating with a sense of urgency here. Hargrave with a sack. Sweat with a sack on the next play. Burkhardt points this out: It's the two-minute warning and the Saints are stuck having to try a 54-yarder on 4th and 16. No good! HURTS NO. He fumbles and the Saints recover! Thomas again. Hill misses a wide-open Sanders in the end zone. Touchdown Cook! He makes a great catch over Singleton, who had it covered pretty well. Extra point is good. Here's the onside kick. It's a Zuerlein spinner. FALL ON IT, EAGLES. Now there's a scrum. Ungodly things are happening down there. After everyone unpiles, it's Eagles ball. Oh, it hit off an Eagles player's leg. That's why everyone went nuts all at once.


How did the Eagles recover that? Unless it slipped around in all that confusion. Upset of the Year of the Week. Hurts made quick decisions and Pederson finally outcoached somebody. I still feel nothing. (Eagles 24, Saints 21)

The first SNF in Buffalo in 13 years! Tirico and Collinsworth on the call. You too good for the Bills Mafia, Al? After four do-nothing drives, Allen throws up a duck and Mike Hilton intercepts it. It's visibly snowing, but apparently not on the field. This drive also goes nowhere. First quarter ends and the Bills didn't seem to realize it had. Cool shot of Niagara Falls. Cris did NOT go over on a barrel. Tomlin and McDermott were teammates at William & Mary in the mid-90's? Huh. Juju gets a first down in traffic. Ebron with his 6,719th dropped pass in the last three weeks.


Knox can't handle this pass and the Steelers end up with it! It never hit the ground, so is it an interception or a fumble? (For bookkeeping purposes, it was a catch and fumble.) Conner fumbles but the Steelers retain. Roethlisberger to Washington for a touchdown. Everyone's got butter fingers tonight. Diggs makes the catch, bounces off Fitzpatrick, and runs for abut 15 more yards. A roughing call adds 15 more. Steelers turn up the pressure and Allen throws three incompletions. Field goal is good. Taron Johnson jumps the route and it's a pick-six for the Bills! Extra point is missed. 9-7 at halftime.


Singletary gets through a hole and gets 14. Allen to Diggs on a slant, and Nelson just doesn't try to tackle him. Touchdown Bills. Ben gets sacked. Diggs can't be stopped right now. No Joe Haden doesn't help matters. Allen throws over the defense to Davis in the back corner for a touchdown! This is wild.


Steelers putting something together here. Roethlisberger throws it out of the end zone. Bills get flagged for holding, and rightfully so. Easy touchdown for Juju. Ebron actually catches the two-point conversion. 23-15 Bills. Allen finds McKenzie to convert 3rd and 10. That's big. Field goal is good (and the Steelers were lucky to only give up three after DPI put the ball at the 1.) McCloud tries to hurdle Poyer and does not succeed. Long ball to Washington is intercepted by Wallace. He's not down, so he gets up and runs. Allen to Knox for 16. Now they're feeding Zack Moss, and with 3:30 left, the Steelers should probably consider using their time outs. Or not, whatever. I got no dog in this fight. Al won the Ford C. Frick Award! It's excellence in baseball announcing and goes in the Hall of Fame. Tirico wonders how he hadn't already won it. That's two good wins in a row for the Bills. I think they're actually legit. (Bills 26, Steelers 15)

LANDRY PASS? It ends up being a screen to Chubb and he picks up 11. Have the Browns called a running play yet? They may here on 2nd a 1. Nope, it's play action to Higgins, who gets the ball punched out of his hands for the second straight play. This time it goes out of bounds. He heads to the bench. Touchdown Chubb. Flea-flicker falls apart and the Ravens lose two. The third down play also breaks down but Jackson scrambles about 20 yards to get six and a first down. Stewart runs right into Hollywood Brown and gets called for interference. Jackson almost slips but escapes and picks up 13. Edwards gets stonewalled. Jackson finds a hole and follows Orlando Brown Jr. into the end zone. We're tied at 7. Landry fumbles but somehow gets it back despite three Ravens players being on him immediately. They pass up a 54-yard attempt only to throw an incompletion, but there's a flag. Interference on Jimmy Smith. First down Browns. Second quarter begins with highlights of a Cowboys-49ers game in 1977, the only other time two Heisman quarterbacks faced each other on Monday Night Football (Roger Staubach beat Jim Plunkett.) Then Parkey misses a field goal. Jackson slips again and this time he's kept down. Dropped by Higgins, who's having a rough night so far. Dobbins powers through for 17. Then he slips on the next play. Jackson takes it right and down inside the Browns' 15. That's 100 rushing yards already for the Ravens. Touchdown Edwards. Big pass to Peoples-Jones. Touchdown Chubb. That was easy. 14-14. Jackson slips TWICE on the same play and loses 11. Strange intentional grounding call on Mayfield there. His arm was clearly hit as he threw it, redirecting the throw sideways. He looks baffled. During the break, new cleats are brought out for Jackson. He almost runs into his own man, scrambles to the opposite direction, and finds Mark Andrews, who is somehow left open and gets to the Browns' 15. Touchdown Jackson! Somehow there wasn't anyone in front of him when he took off. Hail Mary time. This is LAUNCHED. That's out of the end zone! Chuck Clark ran into the goalpost. Halftime! Jackson with another trademark big run. Touchdown Edwards. Does Mayfield roll out on every pass play? This should be the Eagles' offense. They go down the sideline to Hunt for 26! Yeah, he's inbounds. Hunt barrels through the line for a touchdown. Parkey MISSES the extra point! Jackson finds Andrews in a tight window to convert 3rd and 7. Later he misses Andrews long and the Ravens have to punt.


Mayfield gets picked off! Bowser returns it to the 1! Mayfield waited too long. Dobbins cashes in immediately. Extra point is BLOCKED. That leaves it at 34-20. Facing fourth and 4, the Browns go for it and Mayfield finds Landry. Deep ball to Higgins falls incomplete as pass interference isn't called. The Browns are challenging that the Ravens had 12 men on the field. That's petty as hell and something I'd expect from Harbaugh. (I also don't think I knew you could challenge that.) HOW many? Third quarter ends. Jackson's not on the Ravens' sideline. Protection breaks down and Mayfield takes off, but he can't get the first down. Ravens call time out because they were about to get caught overloaded AGAIN. Higgins WIDE open for a touchdown! They go for two, and the pass goes off Hunt's hands... and is caught by Peoples-Jones!


Lisa reports Jackson has cramps, so McSorley is in because Griffin's on the injured list.


Brown drops his third pass of the night, and the Ravens go three and out. Chubb powers his way through tackles and gets to the Ravens' 9. Mayfield scrambles right and takes it in himself! Extra point is... good, and the Browns lead with 6:14 left. Weird that these two teams' other division makes play next Monday night. McSorley still out there. And now McSorley's down and grabbing his knee. He slipped, too. Jackson suddenly back on the sideline. He's back in on 4th and 5. He rolls out and finds Brown over the middle, and he'll catch it and score!



Ravens going for two up five. Dobbins gets it. Holy hell. Hunt makes a catch for 16 yards. Another pass to Hunt and he gets to the pylon and I just lost my playoff game. There's still 1:04 left. Extra point is GOOD. Andrews breaks a tackle for a first down. Another completion to Andrews. the Browns should use their time outs at this point, because Tucker's not missing this kick. Snead gets six. CALL TIME OUT, BROWNS. Ravens spike it with seven seconds left. 55 yards. Of COURSE it's good. The multiple-laterals kickoff ends with a safety, which is... oddly fitting.




(Ravens 47, Browns 42)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Kansas City (11-1) — Almost gave that one away
2. Green Bay (10-3) — I'll have the usual
3. Buffalo (10-3) — I'm pretty sure this is the highest I've ever put them
4. New Orleans (10-3) — This wasn't Sean Payton's finest hour

BOTTOM 4:
29. Dallas (4-9) — They won, but they beat...
30. Cincinnati (2-10-1) — Still a lot of things to figure out
31. Jacksonville (1-12) — Nothing to lose except more games
32. N.Y. Jets (0-13) — And this was a boatracing


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