Wednesday, December 2, 2020

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 11: Tunnel's End

I expect a perfectly boring game tonight. Three-way tie at the top! Seahawks got a new rookie center (Damien Lewis) and Wilson gets sacked on the first play.


Carlos Hyde is back, but Chris Carson isn't. I do like that Fox matches the score boxes to the uniforms the teams are actually wearing. Wilson finds Lockett to pick up 3rd and 5. Wilson scrambles, steps up in the pocket, and Metcalf gets open for a touchdown. Cardinals go three and out. This stadium is now Lumen Field, apparently effective yesterday. ad snap that Moore falls on. Cardinals blitz and they eventually collapse the pocket and Wilson. Holding call on Lewis takes away a big pass play to Metcalf. Great throw and catch by Murray to Maxx Williams for 35, giving the Cardinals first and goal at the 2. Drake dives for a touchdown, but the ball comes out afterwards and a Seahawk picks it up. That's a touchdown. It'll be reviewed for so many reasons.


It was called a fumble, but the review changes it to a touchdown for Drake. Bo Scarborough, newly signed, burst through the hole for 12. Murray getting his right shoulder worked on on the sideline. Hyde gets 17 on 3rd and 3 and reaches the Cardinals' 10. Wilson finds Lockett in the far corner for a touchdown. Extra point is no good. Carlos Dunlap brings Murray down. He's wearing No. 43. Drake runs right past Tre Flowers for a first down. Trainers looking at Murray again. HE looks okay as the Cardinals take over.


Kirk finds space and gets a first down on a slightly high pass. They end up punting.


Murray slides short of the first down on second, then loses yards on third. NO idea why the Seahawks aren't throwing the ball at all here with less than a minute left. Jalen Thompson down for the Cardinals, stopping the clock. There's a bomb. Flags everywhere. They're all on the Cardinals, and the Seahawks will take the pass interference one. First and goal at the 9. Throw hits Metcalf in the helmet and he can't catch it. Field goal is good. 16-7 Seahawks at halftime. That's a late hit by Quadray Diggs on Hopkins and he got caught. Murray rolls left but his sidearm throw is out of Hopkins' reach. Pass to Hopkins on 3rd and 6 gets right to the marker. It's a first down. The Cardinals' receivers have been open a lot tonight. Even the backs are open — Chase Edmonds makes this catch at the 4. Dan Arnold reaches up and pulls down a touchdown pass. Metcalf stops his route twice, then makes the catch, spins away from Patrick Peterson and gets to midfield. Lockett gets swarmed on a third and 7 pass and only picks up five. Now we got a fight. They flag Dre Kirkpatrick for taunting, and that's 15 yards and a Seahawks first down. He's lucky he didn't get tossed. Hyde turns the corner and pops Peterson at the 2. Touchdown Hyde. Lot of penalties on this drive. Hopkins breaks a tackle for a big gain. Drake breaks through the line and gets to the Seahawks' 3. Murray tries to get the edge but can't. Murray lobs it to Edmonds for a touchdown. The Seahawks blitzed and no one was near him. Greg Olsen down. He's being helped into the tent. Jamal Adams baits Murray, who gets called for intentional grounding. Then on the next play, offensive holding is called IN THE END ZONE. That's a safety and there's that Seahawks night game weirdness. 25-12 with 9:12 left. Are we sure that was in the end zone, though? Wilson eludes a rusher and finds Will Dissly for a first down. Scarbrough's down hurt. Bad pitch to Hyde and the ball's loose. Refs say Seahawks recover. Kingsbury challenges and I don't see this working. Call STANDS and it's 3rd and 18. Wilson is forced to throw it away as the refs miss a false start AND a hit to his head. Myers is good from 41. 2:19 left. Murray finds Kirk at midfield. Screen to Fitzgerald for another first down. Cards catch the Seahawks off guard with an Edmonds run. Murray with a risky pass that Fitzgerald can't bring in. Seahawks finally covering receivers. Andy Isabella isn't tall enough to make that catch. Fourth and 10. Dunlap sacks Murray! Maybe the Cardinals should have traded for him.


(Seahawks 28, Cardinals 21)

I'm not sure what exactly happened, but FOX's studio show is down to Chris Myers (!), Charles Woodson and Reggie Bush (!!!), with others contributing remotely.

Signal Finder: PHI @ CLE, MIA @ DEN, GB @ IND


That's it. I'm doing it. It's gonna take 10 wins in the AFC, and they can't get there. And after losing to this team, they probably don't deserve to. *crosses off Patriots* (Texans 27, Patriots 20)

A Browns helmet rolls harmlessly off to the side on second down. Slay drops an interception after Barnett jumps offside. Looks like it's raining again in Cleveland. Wentz finds Goedert for a first down. Two nice runs by Sanders. Mark Schlereth saying Pederson's play calling has sucked this year without actually saying it. Scott slips left and picks up 3rd and 2. Sanders goes wide left and takes it to the Browns' 5. Wentz hasn't thrown a pass since the Goedert completion. Sanders FUMBLES? Browns recover. Eagles blitz and Mayfield hits Hodge to get out of his end zone. Slant to Landry for another first down. Higgins makes a diving catch for 44! Mayfield misses his tight end but Maddox, who was extremely late on the coverage, interferes. Alex Singleton stops a leaping Kareem Hunt. Mayfield overthrows Austin Hooper. Hunt is stopped on third down. Now what? They go for it and this time Hunt gets it. Or does he? Announcers don't think the ball broke the plane before his elbow was down. Call REVERSED! Eagles ball. This is gonna be one of those games, isn't it? Fox runs the touchdown graphic for absolutely no reason. First quarter ends with a pass to Reagor getting the Eagles out of the goalposts. About 12,000 fans are allowed here. Downfield to Goedert, who gets to midfield. Wentz gets hit and the throw sails... and it's intercepted. Touchdown Browns. Neither Adam Amin nor Schlereth mentions that he got hit. Ah, there it is on the replay. Wentz avoids two rushers but not the third. Sacked from behind on 3rd and 3. Mayfield finds Hooper downfield. Drive stalls and the Browns punt. Three good runs for the Eagles. Kelce walking off the field now. He's the only Eagles offensive lineman who hadn't missed a game this season. Luke Juriga in the backup center. The hell was that play call? Looks like a mixup on the handoff, but an inside run on 3rd and 7? Sweat with a sack. I still can't get over how the older couple in the Vikings gear in this NFL Shop commercial looks so out of place and not wanting to be there. Wentz gets sacked. Eagles give up on 3rd and 20 and punt with 37 seconds left. Hooper drops a third down pass with four seconds left. Browns' offense stays out to avoid risking a big special teams play. Do they know who they're playing against? 7-0 Browns at halftime, and this is the first game of the season with no offensive points in the first half.



Kelce back out to start the third quarter, wearing an elbow brace that appears to be from the Barry Bonds collection. The last time the Browns beat the Eagles, Belichick was their coach. Mayfield fumbles! Singleton falls on it. Cox knocked it out. Play fake? Touchdown to Richard Rodgers! Hodge beats whatever that coverage was for a 42-yard catch and run. Field goal is good. Bad decision by Wentz to throw to Jeffrey in traffic, and it's incomplete. Browns run a jet sweep to Landry, who then laterals it back to Chubb for a few more yards. LeBlanc is down. Hunt loses four yards on third down. Punt rolls to the Eagles 2. A good team is going to miss the playoffs in the AFC. What is this audio? Is this from a different game? SAFETY. Olivier Vernon beat a double team and got to Wentz for the third time today. Peoples-Jones returns the free kick to midfield.


Mayfield rolls left and converts 3rd and 4. Chubb picks his way through some holes for another first down. Third quarter ends. 12-7 Browns. Field goal is BLOCKED. Go get it, you fools! Ah well. Looks like Barnett, who was hurt earlier, got it. Wentz throws high but Fulgham jumps to get it. Wentz finds Rodgers downfield. I didn't think he'd catch that. Wentz is pressured and forces a lob into the end zone. Refs say it was intercepted. I don't see any way to overturn this. Call REVERSED! Elliott's kick is good and that's a huge break for the Eagles. Another catch by Hodge. Chubb takes off and gets the benefit of some God-awful tackling to go 54 yards. Then the Browns get a break when Mayfield is ruled to have his forward progress stopped on a run where he fumbled. Hunt goes right and leaps over Mills for a touchdown.


Wentz throws behind Ward and is lucky that wasn't intercepted. Protection is completely braking down now. Lane Johnson went out again at some point. Now Chubb jumps over McLeod. Browns rookie Wills loses his helmet again, which Schlereth calls getting "Ichabod Craned." Parkey makes it 22-10. No idea how Reagor caught that. Amin asks Schlereth about the Eagles' offense and Schlereth basically says everything has gone wrong. Denzel Ward gets flagged for interference on Goedert and I don't know about that one. Then another bad throw on a pass intended for Jeffrey ends up in Ward's hands.


That's another fumble but Semualo falls on it. Remember, Myles Garrett didn't play in this game. Garbage time touchdown to Goedert. (Browns 22, Eagles 17)



This worked! (Saints 24, Falcons 9)

OH NO. Burrow's been getting beaten down all season and now this happens. (Washington 20, Bengals 9)


Do you know how hard it is to get shut out in an NFL game in the 21st century? Do you? (Panthers 20, Lions 0)

Tua takes two deep shots right out of the gate and misses them both. Apparently Garrett Bolles is good now? Xavien Howard picks off Lock.


Touchdown Parker! Yep, got the right toe down. This is the last Broncos game that will have fans, and 5,700 are here. Philip Lindsay finds a hole and gets 20. Nick Vannett with a 15-yard catch-and-run to the Dolphins' 1, as his stretch comes up short. Touchdown Melvin Gordon. Malik Reed sacks Tua. Lock goes downfield to Tim Patrick, who comes across the field and dodges two defenders. 39 yards! Play fake and nine to Noah Fant. McManus gives the Broncos the lead for the first time in three games. Tua having more success with intermediate routes now. Field goal is good. Lock overthrows Hamler. McManus can probably hit this from here but they give it to Gordon and he gets seven yards. It's still not a first down, so the Broncos will just let the clock run down. McManus kicks a field goal and the Broncos lead 13-10 at halftime. Kevin Harlan points out that the official who got taken out by the Dolphins turnover celebration caravan STILL hasn't returned. They measure this... and the Dolphins hold! They'll get the ball. Tua sacked for the fourth time. Broncos force their fourth three-and-out. Two penalties on the Dolphins' defense here. Gordon takes off for a 29-yard touchdown. Dolphins haven't stopped that run play yet. Dolphins facing a 3rd and 16. False start makes it 3rd and 21. Sack makes it 4th and 30. Fitzpatrick is in. Replay of the last sack shows that Tua's ankle bent some. There's Geisicki. Dolphins kick a field goal with 7:15 left. Fant's having a big game. That ball's out. What the hell? That's not a touchdown, guys.



That's more like it. Dolphins take over at their own 1. Pass to Parker gets them some room. That'll be 15 for roughing, Mr. Chubb. The Dolphins don't need to hurry hurry here. Parker finally broke out last season and got paid, but he hasn't fallen off. Good for him. Interception! Because of course. I just want to point out here that Fitzmagic always, inevitably, fizzles out. And I have to believe that the Dolphins know this, and that's one of the reasons they went to Tua when they did. Broncos throw a bomb to Patrick on 4th and 16 and he CATCHES it. How do you allow that? (Broncos 20, Dolphins 13)

Rodgers starts off by going down the sideline to Adams.


Aikman: "Yeah, at some networks." Allen Lazard back. Fumble? Fumble! Colts recover. Pascal with a catch for a first down. Mo-Alie Cox gets another first down, but the ball comes out! Packers get it back! What this is about is at the end of Packers-49ers a couple weeks ago, Rodgers called the 49ers' Fred Warner the best linebacker in the league, and Darius Leonard took exception. Rodgers to Tonyan for a 25-yard touchdown. Rivers to Pittman and the Colts strike back immediately. Three crossing routes flooded the zone and the Packers didn't have enough defenders. Packers center Corey Lindley walking off in a daze. Jon Runyan Jr. now in at guard as Elton Jenkins moves to center. Rock Ya-Sin intercepts Rodgers! It's wild in here, man.


Blankenship from 50, and it CLANGS off the crossbar and goes OUT. No good. Rodgers goes right back to Adams. St. Brown gets pushed out at the Colts' 2. Touchdown Jones. Christian Kirksey gets a pick off of a tipped pass and it's Packers ball again. Really weird game. Sternberger, the Packers' other right end, takes this pass inside the Colts' 5. Adams catches a screen and takes it into the end zone. Pascal with a good catch, then runs across the field while gaining no additional yardage. Two minutes left. Rivers with a laser that Trey Burton extends for... and somehow hangs on to for a touchdown! Ensuing kickoff bounces at the 1, freezing the return man. He picks it up and gets swarmed at his own 4. This is being looked at (!), and it looks like the ball hit the end line. It's correctly ruled a touchback. Rodgers takes off on a scramble but Buckner just trips him up from behind, preventing a first down. Ya-Sin gets called for pass interference on MVS, grabbing his arm. It prevented a touchdown, if only momentarily. Swing pass to Jamal Williams and that's a touchdown. 28-14 Packers at the half. Taylor spots a hole and cuts back for a big gain. Colts have opened the second half with five straight runs. The sixth one loses yardage. Brissett comes in and keeps it for four. Rivers drops back and a tipped screen pass still gets two yards. Rivers gets sacked. He wants a flag on Amos in the end zone but nothing doing. Blankenship hits from 35. We've lost sound. Rivers gets hit but still manages to drop it perfectly into Hilton's hands. Touchdown Hines. No? Flags? Offsetting penalties. Rivers hits Doyle for a touchdown on the next play. Colts go for two and get it, then force a three-and-out on defense. Another Blankenship field goal ties the game. Fumble on the kickoff return! Colts ball! This is nuts. Offensive holding calls back a Taylor touchdown run. Rivers misses Burton, but the Colts go ahead with another field goal. Pass to Jones gets the Packers close to midfield. Oh, that holding penalty on Marcedes Lewis hurts. Rodgers throws to Jamal Williams on 4th and 1 but he can't bring it in. Don't like having Williams in the game instead of Jones there. Also, is the roof closed? Because Crosby can make a 51-yarder. Just a not good decision. Colts take over. Six penalties during this Colts series alone. Rivers with a slant to Hines on 4th and 2. This is a ridiculous amount of holding penalties. WHY ARE THEY PASSING? This is an incompletion. Right? Yeah, this is coming back.


That's a good punt. Rodgers throws one up and MVS catches it! 48 yards to the Colts' 45.


Tonyan gets down inside the Colts' 20. Rodgers throws too far for Adams. Field goal is good. Tied with three seconds left. OVERTIME. Screen to Valdes-Scantling. Fumble! Colts have it! Blankenship from 39. IT'S GOOD. (Colts 34, Packers 31, OT)

UTTERLY blown coverage on Schultz. My God. Is Zimmer in trouble? (Cowboys 31, Vikings 28)

Al's finally in Vegas! Another big Raiders COVID wave? Seems like they've had a lot of those. Agholor to the Chiefs' 15. Touchdown Jacobs. This is an unusually grindy Chiefs drive. They give Pringle the first down. (Pringle? Really?)


The Raiders have the ball but the play was blown dead. Now it's being challenged? Eh. Touchdown Hill. I'm still amazed the Raiders beat the Patriots to Hunter Renfrow. Touchdown Agholor? Yep, both feet got down. 14-7 Raiders. This drive is much more Chiefs-like with bigger chunk plays. Mahomes overthrows Kelce but there's a flag. It's DPI. Edwards-Helaire uses a second and third effort to get in. Tied at 14. We have not seen Le'veon Bell yet. Apparently there were zero injuries during construction here. Good job, everyone. Devin Booker picks up a first down for the Raiders. Carr to Agholor for a first down at the Chiefs' 6.


Field goal is good. NBC steals the Price Is Right Cliffhanger music for a graphic about Reid having the best road winning percentage of all time. Raiders force a punt. Carr somehow doesn't get sacked and finds Waller for a first down. This time the Chiefs force a punt. Kelce reaches back to make the catch and then gets out of bounds. Mahomes takes off on third down, jukes inside, and gets the first down. Let's see about this flag. Defensive holding. Rookie cornerback Damon Arnette covering Kelce is... not ideal. Trayvon Mullen intercepts Mahomes at the 3! And he fell down beforehand! That shouldn't happen. Raiders up 17-14 at halftime. Raiders challenge this Robinson catch. McAuley says this is a catch since Robinson stretched his arm, a football move. Call stands. Here's Bell, who makes a first-down catch. Kelce changes direction and comes across the field to bail out Mahomes. Play 14 of this drive is a 12-yard pass to Hill. Play 15 is an Edwards-Helaire sweep for a touchdown. 21-17 Chiefs. Jacobs goes for 11. He's apparently an expert on state taxes, according to Collinsworth. Renfrow converts an important third down. Fourth quarter begins with a touchdown pass to Waller. Carr goes to Agholor on the sideline but he can't bring it down. Would've been difficult anyway. Toss to Hill goes nowhere. Mahomes beats the blitz and Robinson makes a juggling catch. Bell takes the toss and scores. Musberger's doing radio for the Raiders! We've heard the Raiders use "James Harden" and "Chris Mullin" as audible calls. Jacobs hobbles off. Carr finds Agholor over the middle and he gets to midfield. Ruggs almost eats a spinebuster. Jacobs back in and he picks up second and 5. Less than three minutes left as they call him short. Handoff gets blown up in the backfield — because the Chiefs were offsides. First down Raiders. Agholor thinks he caught a touchdown — he didn't — but there's another flag. That one came out late. Refs are talking about it. They get Mathieu for unsportsmanlike conduct, which will move the ball about two inches. False start on the Raiders now. 2:05 left. Jacobs loses two. Pass To Waller gets to the 1. Play action. Carr can't find anyone. He fires to Witten for a touchdown! 1:43 left. Mahomes to Hill. Again. Mahomes hits Hardman on a slant on 3rd and 1. They still have a time out left, miraculously. They call it here with 34 seconds left. Kelce WIDE open in the end zone for a touchdown! Seven passes in 1:15. It's criminal how easy that was.


Sorenson picks off Carr and that's it. Oh, that's right... the Chiefs were off last week. (Chiefs 35, Raiders 31)

We have the first-ever all-African-American officiating crew tonight. Did they not show the kickoff? Bucs left tackle Donovan Smith already down after the first play. About 15,000 people in the house tonight. Goff finds Kupp, who breaks a couple of tackles and gets 38 yards to the Bucs' 12. Darrell Henderson gets drilled in the backfield on first and goal at the 2 after a penalty. Goff drops back, waits, and eventually flips the ball to Woods in the back corner of the end zone. Touchdown Rams. Donovan Smith back for Tampa. Gronk slides out and Brady finds him at the Rams' 18. Brady's beaten the Rams in two Super Bowls. Evans catches a screen but gets put on his back. Another pass to Evans, who keeps fighting through tackles and scores! Brady goes deep to Evans but the throw is off target. Is that another DPI on the Rams? Geez. Fournette bulls through the pile for a touchdown. Kupp puts a move on and spins down inside the Bucs' 20. Not the greatest tackling game so far. Goff calls an audible, as he saw the blitz coming, and a screen to Kupp gets six. Why is the hype message on the Bucs' Tron text on top of a test pattern? LOL McVay was trying to call time out when Shaq Barrett jumped offside. Goff to... Van Jefferson for his first NFL touchdown catch. Tied at 14. Bucs heating up Antonio Brown on this drive. Two minute warning. Rams get a stop and will get the ball back. Goff with a screen to Woods. He's got space, but he's not gonna score. Rams rush to the line and spike it with one second left. Matt Gay, the Bucs' kicker last year, comes on and makes a field goal. 17-14 Rams at halftime. JPP Picks off Goff! Brady throws for Gronk but he can't stay inbounds. Succop hits from 28 and we're tied again. In keeping with the theme tonight, all three of the Buccaneers' coordinators are black. Robert Woods is so good in this offense. Gay MISSES. Brady gets intercepted by Jordan Fuller and he looks dejected.



Goff finds Josh Reynolds in the middle of the field, and he gets to the Rams' 6. Cam Akers comes out of the backfield and catches a touchdown pass. Darious Williams punches the ball out of Antonio Brown's hands. Brady goes deep to Brown but it's just out of reach. Ekuban gets to Brady. He gets taken down again and the ball comes out. It's ruled an incompletion. McVay's got the challenge flag in his hand... and out it comes. Call stands. OK then. Bucs punt.


Brady throws a third-down pass, it gets knocked right back to him, and then he tries to throw another one. That's against the rules. Bucs punt, then force a three-and-out. Rams punt it away and it gets touched by several people. The Rams think it's their ball but the refs rule one of their players touched it first. Brady's pass to Brown comes up a yard short. They go for it on fourth down but Brady and Godwin can't connect. Goff drops the snap, then can't beat the play clock for a delay of game penalty. The announcers note that the Rams have cut that close a few times tonight. Jordan Whitehead with an interception! Godwin goes airborne and into the end zone. Replay shows Brown drawing the double team and Godwin catching the pass with no one near him. Goff to Woods for 17, then to Kupp for 18. Why run the ball on 3rd and 10? Gay hits from 40. 2:36 left. They may regret that.


Brady overthrows Brate and Fuller picks it off! Bucs use their last time out. Rams run the clock down to nine seconds and punt. Why did dude try to return it? That's gonna run the clock out. (Rams 27, Buccaneers 24)

RANKINGS:.
TOP 4:
1. Pittsburgh (10-0) — Good job avoiding the trap
2. Kansas City (9-1) — That'll make things easier
3. New Orleans (8-2) — That went well enough, I guess
4. Green Bay (7-3) — What a strange loss

BOTTOM 4:
29. Atlanta (3-7) — Reality check time
30. Cincinnati (2-7-1) — Inept AND cursed is no way to exist
31. Jacksonville (1-9) — It's only a matter of time
32. N.Y. Jets (0-10) — Of course they'd end up on the wrong side of a close Chargers game


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