Saturday, October 31, 2020

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: The Constant

There's nothing else on tonight.


Broadcast booth has the standings front and center. Aikman: "Somebody's gonna win this football game." NOT NECESSARILY, TROY. Pederson getting shade from his wife. Ouch. Eagles get the ball first. Desean Jackson back. And again. There's a haze over the field at the start of the game. Boston Scott gets a first down. That's too far for a quarterback sneak. Lane Johnson already walking off the field again. They go for it, and Wentz sees an opening and dives for the first down. Johnson returns two plays later. Wentz to Richard Rodgers to the 1! Wentz on a fake handoff. He takes a hit, spins away... touchdown! Jones overthrows Slayton but he was held. Giants set an illegal pick that doesn't work AND they get called for it. Giants wait to punt, the Eagles are caught off guard, and they have to fair catch at the 11. Wentz just misses Fulgham, who was extremely open down the left side. Wentz holds on to the ball too long and takes a bad sack on third and 9. Short punt gives the Giants the ball at the Eagles 40.


Tate fights off LeBlanc and runs away from him for a touchdown. Jason Huntley drops the kickoff, but recovers and manages to get it to the 30. Screen gets blown up, so Wentz runs three yards the other way. THIS screen to Scott works, and he takes it to midfield. Another pass to Scott gains 13. He shredded the Giants in last year's finale. Is that grounding? Refs say it is and they're probably right. Third down slant goes through Jackson's hands. Elliott hits from 31. Joe Judge is one of three coaches with ties to the Philadelphia Catholic League (Sean McDermott and Kevin Stefanski are the others.) Engram is left open and he gets 17 yards to midfield. INTERCEPTION? That NEVER happens. Mills gets the ball off Engram's hands.


Not sure what Wentz was doing there, but don't do that. Aikman: "Don't do this." Fulgham almost caught it by jumping in front of Blake Martinez, who had a shot to pick it off. Thackrell misses Wentz and he gets five on 3rd and 3. I think this pass to Fulgham was tipped at the line, too. No, just a little wobbly. Wentz is forced out of the pocket again and Bradberry makes a leaping interception in the end zone. He's been under pressure all night. Jones finds Shepherd, who breaks a tackle and gets to midfield. Barnett gets a needed sack. Two minute warning as the Giants consider not punting on 4th and 7? They do, and it's down at the 8. Giants force a three-and-out but can't get anything on the punt return. Fumble! Dion Lewis just dropped it. McLeod recovers and laterals it to Duke Riley, for some reason. Aikman's wondering why the giants called a run there. Two good throws by Wentz and the Eagles are in the red zone. Three tries come up empty. Elliott MISSES from 29!? It's weird to say he kicked it too hard but that's what happened. 10-7 at halftime. Gerry with a sack. Freeman trips over Will Hernandez, if you're wondering how that's going. If that's a hold on Freeman, it's a bad one. Wentz still under siege. Low throw just falls to the ground. Jones fools everyone with a fake handoff and keeps it. He's GONE. HE FELL. Did he just get tired? Good God.



The New York Football Giants, ladies and gentlemen! Robey-Coleman gets flagged for pass interference on third down.


Gallman leaps over the line for the touchdown. The Jones run was the longest by a quarterback in Giants history but you knew that. Engram tries to leap over LeBlanc but "Strap" wasn't having it, and he flips him onto his back short of the first down. Ward moves the chains. Wentz finds Fulgham down the sideline. Where's d this dude come from? First and goal at the 9. Quarterback keeper on third down and it only gets to the 3. Eagles going for it. Incomplete. Lot of contact that wasn't called.


Shepherd with a catch. Nice run by Lewis. The Giants are suddenly at the Eagles' 17. Pederson clearly wants to challenge this spot on the Shepard catch, but the officials say he didn't throw the flag in time. Touchdown Shepard and this game's over. 21-10 with 6:17 left. That drive was 97 yards. Illegal contact cancels out a third-down sack. HIGHTOWER. 59 yards! They've been waiting for that all year. Giants get caught with 12 men on the field. Touchdown Ward. Some post-play jawing and a flag comes out. Unnecessary roughness on the Giants moves the two-point conversion spot to the 1. They keep it with Wentz and he... doesn't make it. Man, Pederson's called a bad game tonight. As if on cue, Buck recounts some of these decisions. Wayne Gallman is suddenly unstoppable. Engram drops a deep ball that would have ended this game.


Desean back to field this punt, and he takes a helmet to the head AND now he's being helped off the field. Wentz finds Rodgers in space and he gets to the Giants' 30. 1:30 left. Giants get called for DPI. Scott up the middle for 12. Giants call time, allowing the Eagles the luxury of running the ball again. More defensive holding.


I wouldn't throw another pass if I'm the Eagles. Jesus. Kelce gets flagged for a face mask where he pulled it off the other guy. That's BRUTAL.


TOUCHDOWN SCOTT!! That was over his shoulder and I don't know how he even saw it. 40 seconds left.


Eagles go for two again. They don't get it, again. Replay of Graham Gano's last kickoff, and him grabbing his right leg afterwards. Giants take over at the 25. OFFENSIVE HOLDING. Jones is hit. FUMBLE. EAGLES BALL.


I'm not sure if this game was "weird" enough to fulfill the Eagles-Giants weirdness requirement. But the Eagles cannot lose to the Giants, no matter how hard they try. (Eagles 22, Giants 21)

Signal Finder: DAL @ WSH, PIT @ TEN, DET @ ATL (end), CLE @ CIN (end), SF @ NE



The Bills' entire tight end room got hit with Covid except for Tyler Kroft, who's been with his wife as she had a baby on Friday. (Bills 18, Jets 10)

Joe Davis joins Moose in the booth here. Cowboys get fooled by a sweep and Antonio Gibson goes for 40 to the Cowboys' 5. McLaurin reaches for the pylon... and gets there. Touchdown. Wait, what? Call REVERSED. They say the ball didn't break the plane. OK then. Washington goes for it. A SNEAK? Are you people serious? It doesn't work, obviously.


Encroachment gets the Cowboys off their own 1. Elliott picks up a first down. Dalton FUMBLES. Schultz picks it up but he gets gang-tackled in the end zone for a safety. Please note that the line of scrimmage was the 16.


Logan Thomas open downfield. Gibson all but walks through the Cowboys' defense for a touchdown. KICKOFF RETURN ALERT. That sets the Cowboys up at the Washington 34. They can't capitalize and kick a field goal instead. Schultz stumbles, but stays upright to get a first down. Cowboys go for it on 4th and 1 from Washington's 45, Dalton gets pressured, and throws it downfield to no one. McLaurin TOASTS Trevon Diggs for a 52-yard touchdown. Moose is surprised there wasn't a double move on that route. They go for two but don't get it. 15-3. Vander Esch down on the sideline. Now Aldon Smith's down. Thomas makes the catch on the sideline on 3rd and 1, breaks a tackle, and scores a 15-yard touchdown. Joe Davis points out that this would be worse if not for the Cowboys' goal-line stand earlier. Elliott takes the first carry 14 yards. Cooper gets downfield for 18.  Cowboys doing a good job of getting out of bounds. Dalton looks for Lamb in the end zone but the pass is broken up. Pass to Elliott goes off his hands and is intercepted! Wow. That ball was behind him, too. 22-3 Washington at halftime and the story so far remains the same for the Cowboys. Tress Way pins the Cowboys at their own 2. Dalton slides and gets crushed by Bostic. Cart's out, and so is Bostic, who's been ejected. Sliding AND a helmet hit? That's a no-brainer. Dalton being walked to the locker room. It's... Ben Dinucci? First play is a pitch to Elliott that's behind him and he drops. Complete to Cooper for a first down. That's a sack. At least they didn't lose the ball. (Washington 25, Cowboys 3)

GIO BERNARD LIVES. Touchdown Bengals with 1:06 left. Mayfield finds Peoples-Jones for a fast first down. Is this a catch by Higgins? Review says it is. Higgins again! The Bengals might want to cover these other guys. Touchdown Peoples-Jones! Browns lead! Parkey misses the extra point because of course he does. Bernard returns the kickoff to the 40, which makes a Hail Mary doable with four seconds left. Incomplete. That's surviving, not winning. (Browns 37, Bengals 34)

Diontae Johnson finds some room on the sideline and gets into Titans territory. Conner loses the ball but the Steelers recover. Then he spins outside on 3rd and 1 and gets five. Steelers haven't scored an opening drive touchdown in 25 tries. Eric Ebron with a catch at the 3, a yard short of a first down. Second effort by Benny Snell Jr. gets it. Touchdown pass to Conner is negated by a face mask. First and long goal, and Big Ben flips it to seemingly nowhere, but Ebron catches it and gets 10 yards out of it. That's a laser to Johnson in a tight window for a touchdown! Tannehill gets caught under pressure and flings this pass to the turf. Three and out. Ben getting frisky, doing another flip to Conner that loses two. Ebron bails them out. The officials mark this Juju catch as a first down, change the markers, then announce third down. OK, guys. Whatever. Claypool loses his own fumble, but picks it up and salvages a short loss. Juju catches a low ball from Ben at the Titans' 10. Conner heads to the corner but goes out of bounds before he can score. Then he drops a touchdown pass. Snell goes left and scores. Pass to Corey Davis goes off his hands, but Adam Humphries sees it and dives to salvage the completion. Tannehill loses the ball in traffic but the Titans recover. Touchdown Davis. Roethlisberger scrambles and finds Conner for 11 and a first down. Titans blitz, and the pass is deflected, bounces off a Steelers' lineman's head, and falls incomplete. Steelers can't cash in on a free play. The next one is almost intercepted. Field goal is good. Eagle notes that Derrick Henry hasn't done a lot so far, like last week. Johnson spins away from Jonathan Joseph (when did he become a Titan?) for his second touchdown. 24-7 Steelers. Bad snap! What? Steelers take over with a chance at more points. Roethlisberger lofts one into the end zone that gets intercepted. The Titans run it out, for some reason, then Cruikshank LATERALS it, which could have been disastrous, but nothing comes of it. Halftime.


Claypool draws a DPI penalty on Butler. Roethlisberger overthrows Ebron out of the end zone on third down. Boswell hits from 30. Tannehill finds A.J. Brown on a crossing route and he's GONE. 73-yard touchdown! Couple of three-and-outs. The Titans pick off Roethlisberger again. They lose three yards and kick a field goal. Titans feeding Henry now. Brown breaks free and gets 20 yards. I think I'd have given it to Henry here on fourth and goal from the ONE YARD LINE. But wait, there's a flag. Holding on the Steelers? OK then. New set of downs. And there's Derrick Henry. Imagine seeing a man that large jump into the air. Touchdown. Three-point game! Steelers start to chew up clock. They finally take a deep shot to Juju and he makes the catch for 28 yards. Conner wants a face mask or something after this catch. Did we lose a sideline camera here? First down Johnson and now the feed is gone. Quick return to the studio and the signal is back. Slant to Johnson for a first down, and now he's still on the ground, as is Butler, who made the tackle. Steelers devouring clock here. Quick slant to Claypool gets near the first down marker, but there's a penalty. It's OPI, and Claypool was ruled short, and the Titans take the penalty.  Roethlisberger throws into traffic in the end zone and it's picked off! It was knocked out of Juju's hands and the Titans came up with it. Bad decision by Ben, no points for the Steelers, and it's Titans ball. Tannehill finds Brown on 3rd and 12 at the Steelers' 25. One minute left. That's intentional grounding. Corey Davis is well covered in the end zone. 40-yarder upcoming. Eagle notes that the Titans' last few long snaps have been low. Gostkowski MISSES! That snap looked fine. Charles Davis points out that his misses have all gone right. Ben's in shock. (Steelers 27, Titans 24)

Who's gonna blow THIS one? Some bad uniforms in this game. Touchdown Gurley! He slid but slid too far! That's amazing. Ryan just made surrender cobras. Everyone's in shock. He didn't mean to do it! Ridley makes a diving catch to convert two points. 1:04 left. This can't be Stafford's first game IN Atlanta, can it? GET OUT OF BOUNDS, HOCKENSON. Sweet Jesus. GOLLADAY? Lions spike the ball but there's a booth review. Pereira explains that the replay official will wait until the very last second to initiate it. This is a clear catch. Call stands and the Lions spike it. TOUCHDOWN HOCKENSON. Clock has zeros! And the answer to "Who's gonna blow THIS one?" is the Falcons.


Stafford could have run that in. (Well, maybe not Stafford.) There's an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on the Lions after the score, putting this extra point way back. It's GOOD... but there's a flag. It's on the Falcons, because of course it is.


(Lions 23, Falcons 22)

Garoppolo scrambles and dives for a first down. Jeff Wilson with a rare goal-line carry that doesn't get into the end zone. But the line judge says he does. Romo seems to agree. Is that across the line, though? All right, fine. Touchdown 49ers. Kittle gets them out of a bad spot with a first down. The Patriots put Gilmore on him, which tells you quite a bit. Sack! Intercepted! He overthrows Kittle and Devin McCourty comes up with it. Cam overthrows Damere Byrd but gets hit low afterwards. First time ever a late hit on Cam Newton's been called. (I'm kidding. Actually, I'm not.) Field goal is good. The "YAC Brothers?" Don't do this, guys. Rare carry for Juszczyk. Shovel pass to Aiyuk goes for 20. Gould kicks it through for a 10-3 lead. Then Cam throws a bad pick. Wilson breaks a bunch of tackles. Touchdown Juszczyk. Gould MISSES the extra point? What? Fumble on the kickoff return but the Patriots keep it. ANOTHER fumble and the Patriots manage to keep this one, too. They end up having to punt. Wilson runs right through the Patriots' defense for another touchdown! 23-3 49ers. I don't know if the Patriots are Actually Bad, but they're definitely Not Good. This is Nantz's 100th Patriots game. Offensive holding cancels out a first down. Newton throws a deep ball too far and it gets intercepted. This return by Mosley is really slow in developing and Nantz is having a tough time calling it. He's at midfield and it doesn't feel like it. Garoppolo throws up a Hail Mary of his own and it gets picked off. 23-3 49ers at halftime of a strange game. Edelman's vanished from this offense. Newton gets pressured on 3rd and 16 and barely manages to run for two more yards. Field goal is good. Wes Welker is also back in Foxborough, as the 49ers' receivers coach. Aiyuk with an over-the-shoulder catch on the sideline. (A better throw and he walks into the end zone, that's how open he was.) Touchdown Wilson! But now he's hurt. He's only playing so much because Mostert's on IR (and Nantz mentions Tevin Coleman, who I'm not sure has even played this season.) Newton reaches the 30,000 passing yards mark, then throws another pick four plays later on a ball meant for Edelman.


49ers turn it into three more points. At some point Jarret Stidham came in.


Romo makes the valid point that the starters that opted out for the Patriots (Hightower and Chung in particular) were their stalwarts up the middle on defense, and that's where the Pats have been vulnerable. (49ers 33, Patriots 6)



TERRIFYING. (Chiefs 43, Broncos 16)

Was this one of the games that got shuffled around? I feel like it is but I don't remember. BLOCKED PUNT TOUCHDOWN. We're brought to L.A. with 11 minutes left and told about that, and also that the Chargers scored the first 16 points of this game, then the Jaguars scored the next 21. Herbert has wheels? A Mark Malone name check? In 2020? Joshua Kelley spins out of a tackle and picks up another first down. Field goal is good. 39-29. Minshew looks around before dumping it off to Shenault to convert 4th and 2. Jaguars have to go for it. Nope. Allen converts another third down. Herbert's finally gonna win a game!


(Chargers 39, Jaguars 29)

This FLEXING had to be a logistical nightmare. The Raiders sent their entire starting offensive line home on Thursday because of Covid exposure, so the NFL pulled Bucs-Raiders from SNF and moved Seahawks-Cardinals here on three (two, probably) days notice. Oh, it's State Farm Stadium now? Tyler Lockett with a one-handed grab in coverage right out of the gate. Wilson to Hollister for another first down. Easy catch by Lockett for a touchdown. Moore with a catch in traffic. Wilson goes down the sideline to Olsen for a possible touchdown. Nope. He didn't get both feet inbounds. This will be only the third field goal attempt for Myers. It's Week 7! Kick is good. Meat Puppets into commercial.


Murray pass to Hopkins is deflected, then tipped, then falls incomplete. (Dunbar interfered with Hopkins.) Murray throws the same sideline route to Hopkins and that is a touchdown.


Seahawks are throwing a LOT. Cardinals force another field goal attempt. It's good. 13-7 Seahawks. Hopkins fumbles on an end around! K.J. Wright falls on it. Collinsworth: "You bounce it inside twice and defensive linemen show up." Budda Baker picks off Wilson! Metcalf runs him down at the Seahawks' 3!! Good Lord.




Cardinals go for it on fourth and goal, but the protection breaks down and Murray has to throw it away. Big catch and run by Dissly. Carlos Hyde down the sideline... that one's close... touchdown Seahawks. Murray to Arnold for 41! Kirk wide open in the end zone for a touchdown. Wilson takes off and reaches midfield. Then he jumps out of another tackle on the next play. First and 20 and Wilson throws a BOMB... to Lockett for a diving touchdown! Patrick Peterson might retire after this game. He looks shocked. It's not even his fault! Collinsworth understands this. Career catch 1400 for Fitzgerald.  Pass to Edmonds, who gets out of bounds. Murray tries to make it to the sideline but can't. Cardinals use their last time out. Throw goes out of the end zone. Field goal is good, but there's a running into the kicker penalty on the Seahawks. Cardinals keep the points with no time left and it's 27-17 at halftime.


Murray scrambles on 3rd and 11 and will not make it. Murray with tons of time and he finds Edmonds for a first down. Collinsworth laments the Seahawks' nonexistent pass rush. Pitch to Edmonds, who puts on a nifty spin move and creates first and goal. Murray keeps it, somehow avoids Wright, and dives into the end zone! Al notes that these teams' last SNF game ended 6-6. Baker goes helmet-to-helmet on Travis Homer and it's not called. Wilson to Lockett on 3rd and 4. Peterson intercepts Wilson in the end zone. That's gotta make him feel a little better. And Quadray Diggs IMMEDIATELY picks off Murray! Lockett with another great catch for a touchdown! Dre Kirkpatrick insists he was out of bounds but he clearly dragged his right foot. WHAT? They change the call on the field to an incomplete pass? Seriously? So now the Seahawks have to use a challenge to get this changed to the obviously correct ruling. Good work, stripes. Murray comes up short on 3rd and 5. They go for it and Drake picks up three. Field goal is good but there's a flag. Collinsworth thinks it's against the Seahawks and that the Cardinals will take the points. Oh, they hit them with a 15-yard leverage penalty, which will give the Cardinals a first down. Murray returns to the field. Pass to Edmonds gets to the 13. Touchdown Kirk! 34-31 with 2:28 left. Seahawks manage to bleed half the clock before punting. Punt goes out of the end zone. Kirk left all alone on the sideline and should have gotten more yards out of that before going out of bounds. That's inbounds! They rush to spike it and do so with two seconds left. Fitzgerald grabbed the ball and gave it to his center immediately after the catch. Gonzales from 44... GOOD. Overtime!




Wilson is sacked by Reddick. Cardinals blitz on third down and Wilson finds Moore for 18 and a first down.

Cards blitz AGAIN and Wilson has NO chance. Seahawks have to punt. Edmonds for 32 yards! He's had a NIGHT for a guy with no touchdowns. Murray loses five and Gonzales comes in IMMEDIATELY. It's second down! 41 yards. The Cardinals iced their own kicker? They did. The second attempt... MISSES!




That wasn't even close. Wilson has plenty of time until he doesn't, then throws it going down and Lockett catches it. 1:15 left. Seahawks' pass protection reverting to mid-2010's levels. Wilson finds Metcalf down the sideline for a touchdown but there's a flag, and it's coming back. That's a no-brainer. INTERCEPTION! That's Isaiah Simmons, who's played like four snaps this season.



Why run the ball, Cardinals? Fitzgerald picks up seven yards and the Cardinals spike it. They take a shot at the end zone with Kirk but it's too far. Fifteen seconds left. Gonzales on again, this time from 48. Seahawks do NOT ice him. It's... GOOD! It hits the upright and bounces IN!



1200 people saw that. (Cardinals 37, Seahawks 34, OT)

Now this is interesting: The end zones are painted "LA Rams" tonight, but were only pained "LOS ANGELES" with no mention of the Chargers on Sunday. Bears get the ball first. Levy: "Goff just missed his man..." Goff overthrew Malcom Brown by five yards, dude. Touchdown Josh Reynolds. Foles throws up a duck that Cole Kmet somehow catches while being blanketed, for 37 yards. We're in Inglewood, and that's the old Forum. Second quarter begins with Foles under pressure on 3rd and 5. He completes it to Mooney, but it's well short. Field goal is good. Goff gets called for intentional grounding but the face mask on Akiem Hicks is ignored. Rams try a jet sweep with Woods but Mario Edwards Jr. wasn't having any of it. Johnny Mundt? Who are these people? That pass play went for 39. He's filling in for Higbee, Griese says. Darrell Henderson is pulled down from behind at the Bears' 5, setting up a field goal try. It's good. 10-3.


I have this same problem with their voices. That's Donald's first-ever sack of Foles. That came after a time out, by the way. Ex-Bear Leonard Floyd sacks Foles. Rams get the ball back and Levy wonders why the Bears didn't use their last time out to at least try to force a punt. Nothing comes of it and we go to halftime. Lot of flags in this sequence. Mack gets to Goff and the ball comes out, but the Rams hang on to it. Hekker's pinned the Bears at or inside their own 10 three times tonight. Rams just miss a safety. Foles gets pressured and overthrows a wide-open Mooney.



Goff ignores the blind side rush and finds Reynolds on 3rd and 5. Goff to Kupp to the Bears' 13. Brown gets stopped at the 6, but the pile keeps moving and the whistle doesn't blow. He's still going! The pile stops at the 1. Touchdown Brown. Feels like Jimmy Graham's been more productive in Chicago than he was in Green Bay. Taylor Rapp intercepts Foles in the end zone! Troy Hill tipped the pass away from Mooney and Rapp ran in and caught it. Woods does what he does. 26 on the sweep. Gerald Everett breaks a tackle and scores. This is a catch and fumble by Anthony Miller. Are they saying he was down? Because I thought the ball came out. Anyway, they do change it to a completion and it's 4th and 1. The Bears run Patterson left... STUFFED. He lost three yards. Rams take over at the Bears' 32. Field goal is... partially blocked and falls short. Foles goes downfield to Robinson, who makes a good catch at the Rams' 20. Riddick isn't sure he knew the ball was coming right away. Bears revert to the run game, which eventually gets them to the Rams' 4. You know what you can't do here? Get sacked. You know what Foles does? Gets sacked. Rams take over.


Eddie Jackson picks up a fumble and scores! The penalty's on the Rams, so this'll stand. That makes it 24-10. Too early to onside kick. Announcers discuss how hard the Bears are to evaluate, given their comebacks, luck, and offensive struggles. Rams run it on 3rd and 9 for some reason. Hekker does it AGAIN, punting this 63 yards and pinning the Bears at their own 6.


And that drive ends with another Rams interception caused by the pass rush. Johnny Hekker's the damn MVP. The Rams defense has allowed only 33 second-half points all season. (Rams 24, Bears 10)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
 1. Pittsburgh (6-0) — Nothing comfortable about this
2. Kansas City (6-1) — Who needs good weather?
3. (tie) Green Bay (5-1) — You can't give these guys an inch
(tie) Tennessee (5-1) — Three points off three turnovers? That's not how you win
(tie) Baltimore (5-1) — Just going about their business

BOTTOM 4:
29. Cincinnati (1-5-1) — Burrow's ceiling is higher than Dalton's ever was
30. Jacksonville (1-6) — Couldn't even screw the Chargers
31. N.Y. Giants (1-6) — Truly, some things never change
32. N.Y. Jets (0-7) — You lost to six field goals? Really?

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Wednesday, October 28, 2020

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 6: Natural Vibe

Signal Finder: BAL @ PHI, WSH @ NYG, CHI @ CAR (end), GB @ TB


Ravens win the toss and defer. First play ends in a sack. Second play gets no yards. Third play is a bomb to Hightower that he dropped. That could have been a touchdown. Even the punt went badly. Ravens start in Eagles territory. Lamar to Boykin for 11 on 3rd and 10. Slay must still be concussed, as Robey-Coleman and LeBlanc are the corners and Mills is back at safety. Except Slay was in on that touchdown to Nick Boyle, where Jackson rolled out to find Boykin but he was covered, then flipped it to Boyle, who went in untouched. The Ravens have scored at least one touchdown in the last 100 halves. Josh Sweat tips two straight passes. Wentz rushes a throw to Ertz, which he can't one-hand. K'Von Wallace down on this punt. Back from commercial and he's walking to the locker room, holding his hand. Wentz keeper on a fake pitch ends in a fumble. Is his knee down? They pick up the flag and let's see. This is close. Ravens ball. Boyle makes another catch and the Ravens are in the red zone as Ingram gets taped up on the sideline. Gus Edwards cuts through the line and scores. The Eagles still don't have a first down.


Willie Snead gets open over the middle and takes it 32 yards before fumbling out of bounds. Tucker hits from 46. Jackson scrambles for a first down, vaulting over LeBlanc. Ravens hurting themselves with penalties now. Ward fields this punt at the 9, for some reason. Jalen Hurts with a keeper and he picks up 20 yards! Wentz with the block downfield. Hurts slips but still gets a first down on a play that took too long to develop. Now Wentz takes a lateral and throws it back to Hurts, who gets three. Fulgham, finally. Ward! They'll review this, and it might not count? Steratore thinks his right foot is down and it should stand. It does! Sanders gets turned around and drops one in the end zone. Then he only gets one yard on 3rd and 2. Ravens call time. The Eagles go for it with a quarterback sneak and I don't know if this worked. It didn't. That's a killer. I get going for it, but this offensive line has been awful today. I'd have run something else.


Eagles get a stop. Pass goes through Pernell McPhee's hands, saving Wentz from an interception. Hail Mary gets picked off, but Wentz was roughed! This'll give Elliott a shot at a 52-yarder. It's wide right, because of course it is. Ravens get the ball to start the second half and they're rolling. Malik Jackson gets to Lamar, and that was a coverage sack, too! Eagles haven't gotten one of those in years. Ravens punt. SANDERS. What? Fumble? ARCEAGA-WHITESIDE?!? Touchdown! The ball was punched out of Sanders' hands at the 4 but JJAW fell on it in the end zone. Eagles go for two for no good reason and it goes horribly. Jackson gets through a hole on a quarterback draw and it's over. There's nobody in this league who's catching him from behind in the open field. This is also now the 29th straight game the Ravens have scored at least 20 points, one short of the record. That's the third ball the Ravens have punched out of an Eagle's hands, but this one rolls out of bounds. Charles Davis wonders if maybe it's time to get Wentz out of the game and save him for Thursday. Eagles finally convert a third down. Hightower gets interfered with but it's not called. Wentz almost drops that snap, then Jimmy Smith breaks up the pass. Eagles have called five straight passes in the red zone, and the only one that's been caught so far was by Ertz on 3rd and 10. Wentz runs out of time again, but the Ravens get flagged for roughing the passer AGAIN. Sanders is questionable with a leg injury and Ertz just walked off the field. Pederson's called this series like it's four-down territory, which it is. Touchdown to... Jason Croom, whoever he is.


They go for two and Ward picks it up, taking a hard hit out of bounds afterwards. Tucker hits from 55. Announcer cutouts in the stands, which has become standard. I wonder how Evan Washburn is watching the feed. (The usual suspects are also here in cutout form, as well as Miles Teller and a cutout of Jason Kelce from the Super Bowl parade.) Wentz with the second-longest run of the day for the Eagles. Deshaun Elliott interception is overturned on review. Fulgham with a late touchdown catch. They go for two and Arceaga-Whiteside makes it 30-22. There's still 3:48 left. That's 11 penalties on the Ravens, which is the biggest reason the Eagles are still in this game. Good coverage again forces the Ravens to punt. Wentz throws up a bomb and Marcus Peters gets called for defensive pass interference on Fulgham.


Ball's now at the Ravens' 22. Wentz gets hit as he throws and still finds Richard Rodgers at the 7. Boston Scott to the 1. Two minute warning. Hurts in the game. Wentz sneaks for the touchdown! The last time these two teams played, the Eagles lost by one when Pederson went for two at the end of the game and didn't get it. What was THAT? Looks like an option that either got blown up or was mishandled. The run goes in the same place as the fake? That's just bad design.


Rip that out of the playbook and throw it in the trash. I think Harbaugh will be more upset about this game than Pederson. (Ravens 30, Eagles 28)

I'm Sorry You Had To See That: That was a terrible decision by Mayfield on the Minkah Fitzpatrick pick-six. Ben Roethlisberger owns the Browns, and that will never change. (Steelers 38, Browns 7)


This was the black guy from Week 2. And he made one! Good for him, I guess. (Lions 34, Jaguars 16)

The Giants have benched No. 4 overall pick Andrew Thomas for... some reason. Kyle Allen starting again for Washington. Freeman makes a couple of moves and gets 14. Giants lose four yards on a double reverse. Kerrigan sacks Jones. Giants end up settling for three. Bradberry sits on an underthrown pass and gets an easy interception. Touchdown Giants as Jones goes over the top to Slayton. Allen finds a wide-open Logan Thomas at the 42. Leonard Williams sacks Allen. McLaurin gets 19 back on 3rd and 24. 35-yarder puts Washington on the board. The Giants run a fake pitch and Jones TAKES OFF! 49 yards! The back got tackled for a 4-yard loss but he didn't have the ball. Designed Jones draw on 3rd and goal doesn't reach the end zone. Giants going for it? Or not, as Gano kicks it through. Washington punts on 4th and 9 from the Giants' 45 with 1:20 left, but a Giant ran into Way. So now it's fourth and 4 from the Giants' 40, and Riverboat Ron strikes. They're going for it. Allen avoids a sack and finds Dontrelle Inman downfield for 15. This is a touchdown catch by Logan Thomas. 13-10 Giants at the half. C.J. Ward down after his head hit the turf awkwardly. Giants fail to draw Washington offside on 4th and 2 and they end up punting. Freeman gtes three yards into Washington territory on 3rd and 1. Slayton slow getting up. Jones with a keeper to the Washington 7. Kendall Fuller gets flagged for interference, giving the Giants first and goal. And that's where this chapter ends as Jones throws an interception in the end zone. Allen's not a good enough runner to be trying this. Rivera challenges the spot... and wins! First down. Allen's pass into the end zone is broken up by Logan Ryan. Hopkins field goal ties it. Allen not happy on the sideline looking at the pictures. Allen fumbles! Tae Crowder picks it up and scores! Giants lead with 3:29 left. Allen finds McLaurin near midfield on 3rd and 5. Wright gets popped by Peppers but stays up to complete the play, then he goes down. Allen goes to someone named Cam Sims in the back of the end zone! Washington keeps the offense out. Giants bring pressure... and the pass is incomplete. I mean, I get it.


(Giants 20, Washington 19)

It feels like the Bears are 4-1 in spite of themselves. Foles throws on 3rd and 2 (?) and Rasul Douglas breaks it up. Bears punt. Intercepted!


Sure feels that way. (Bears 23, Panthers 16)


I think of the Phillies' Scott Kingery, also, who got it and was useless the entire season. Back-to-back CHICANERY from Belichick? He's losing it. (Broncos 18, Patriots 12)


It didn't get much better from there. Who knew losing Stefon Diggs would wreck things so badly. Is Mike Zimmer in trouble? I'm serious. (Falcons 40, Vikings 23)

Here's the last ten minutes: Derrick Henry rushes for a 94-yard touchdown. Will Fuller plays center field and catches a touchdown pass. Texans up 1. Roby picks off Tannehill! This Johnson run is CLOSE. They go for it. Cooks slips in for the touchdown! The Texans... go for two? To go up nine, obviously. Pass is tipped at the line! A lot of Firkser on this drive for the Titans. Texans call time out with 22 seconds left, while the Titans are already out. Caught inbounds. The Titans don't spike it. TOUCHDOWN A.J. BROWN!! Now do the Titans go for two here? They don't. Overtime! Titans win the toss. Short pass to Henry. How is there so much open space? Direct snap to Henry. TOUCHDOWN. That's nuts. (Titans 42, Texans 36, OT)

Crosby hits from 39 to give the Packers the early lead. Kickoff clips the corner of the end zone and is ruled a touchback. Buccaneers go three and out. Bucs defense looks confused, and Rodgers finds Tonyan on the sideline for 11 yards and a first down. Jamal Williams gets 25. Rodgers finds MVS on the move for 15. Barry Shepherd? Who  are these guys? Rodgers takes it himself on 3rd and 5... and takes it in himself! He gets hit afterwards and a flag comes out. They pick up the flag, but was his knee down? We come back from commercial and it was down. First and goal at the 1. Aaron Jones gets it but no one signals. Oh, there it is, finally. Windy down there, and Aikman says it's a swirling wind. Jamel Dean picks off Rodgers and he's gone! Touchdown! He jumped in front of Davante Adams and took off. He's been really good the last game and change.


Rodgers throws this one into traffic and it gets intercepted after a deflection! That ball went off Jason Pierre-Paul's arm before it got deflected by Carlton Davis. It's returned to the Packers' 2. Touchdown Ronald Jones and the Bucs lead. Tampa is so hot right now, as Buck notes the Lightning's Stanley Cup win and the Rays making the World Series. Aaron Jones gets drilled on a wheel route but still hangs on. Or does he? Arians challenges. The ball is loose and the call gets overturned. That one goes off Marcedes Lewis's hand. Hard to blame him; I don't think he's run a route that deep in 10 years. Gronk gets to midfield. LeSean McCoy sighting! Touchdown Tyler Johnson. This game has TURNED. Rodgers misses MVS deep, then gets sacked on 3rd and 2. It's like nobody runs on 3rd and 2-4 anymore. Ronald Jones with a good run. Two minute warning. Brady to Gronk for a touchdown and this is shell shock. That's the 91st time that's happened. 28-10 Buccaneers. Gronk told Erin he had a good feeling about today. Succop hits from 50. David Bahktiari down for the Packers. Rodgers sacked AGAIN. Only three? Feels like five or six. Delay of game. The Packers have done nothing this entire second half. If you're gonna play "Misery Business", play the real one. Who's this DUDE singing it? (Apparently it's Machine Gun Kelly. Which, why?)


Rodgers benched. Now Brady's day is over. (Buccaneers 38, Packers 10)

Only two late games and this is the other one? What the hell, NFL?



That Marcus Maye interception is the Jets' best highlight in at least 10 years. TUA!


That's the good stuff. (Dolphins 24, Jets 0)

49ers in their early 90's uniforms tonight. Deebo wasn't tackled, apparently. Tight end screen to Kittle and the 49ers are already at the Rams' 5. Touchdown Samuel on a jet sweep. Aaron Donald on the sideline, which shouldn't happen unless he's in the process of losing an organ. Mostert running through the Rams defense. McKinnon with a carry, but the Rams' John Johnson picks the ball up at the end of the run and kind of jogs to inside the 49ers' 20 before being shoved out of bounds. The refs say it's a fumble and Rams' ball. Let's look at THIS. Wait, they didn't look at it yet? Terry McAuley says this should be down by contact.


Call overturned. They have to put more than a minute back on the clock, which is hilarious and sad.


Garoppolo to Kittle, who beats Ramsey (after Garoppolo beat the blitz) and will not be caught. Touchdown 49ers. Big Henderson run is called back. Inside handoff to Woods off a fake pitch gets the first down anyway. First down run for Henderson. Touchdown Woods! Give Goff credit, too, for making a tough throw that only Woods could make a good play on. PAT MISSES. Mostert stiffarm gets  called back because he got the face mask. Bourne makes back-to-back catches. 49ers go into a hurry-up before the two-minute warning. Rams penalty gives the 49ers a new first down. It's been 50 years since the Rams went 4-0 against the NFC East. Garoppolo with a bad throw that is fortunately not picked off. Aiyuk slips in underneath the coverage and catches an easy ball from Garoppolo. 21-6 49ers. Rams run a double handoff that doesn't work, and the 49ers will get the ball back. Surprised that downfield ball to Aiyuk didn't draw a flag on either side. Halftime. Rams get the ball to start the second half. Rams go no-huddle and get dinged for a false start, which hurts worse because the 49ers had 12 men on the field. Field goal is good. "Wicked Game" plays over an aerial shot of downtown SF, which is 45 miles and 45 hours away from Levi's Stadium. McKinnon in for Mostert on this series, and Michele reports that Mostert's fighting a sore ankle. Goff goes deep for Kupp but he seems to lose track of the ball. Donald's been pretty quiet tonight. Henderson gets tripped up, preventing a touchdown. He has some good runs on this drive. That sweep on second and goal wasn't one of them. Kupp DROPS a touchdown! That never happens. Rams go for it and Jason Verrett intercepts Goff! That's a touchback. Third down pass goes off Bourne's hands. Still 21-9 after 3. Collinsworth says he was doing interviews and getting asked if he thought Garoppolo could win the big one, pointing out that he's never lost back-to-back games as a starter. Trent Williams is in the tent, and a replay shows that he got hit in the head twice. Kittle has one go through his hands. Officials confer on this punt and put the ball at the Rams' 1. Good call, and good play by Tarvarious Moore to down it while on his back and still manage to stay out of the end zone. Garoppolo misses a wide-open Juszczyk. Kittle converts on third down. Don't know why you'd think that was a fumble except for how bad the pass looked coming out. Gould sneaks a 49-yarder inside the right upright. 24-9 with 5:26 left. Al says he thought Vegas was a possibility for the NFL when the NHL went in. Tribute to Minneapolis sportswriting legend Sid Hartman, who died today at 100. Rams don't huddle. Josh Reynolds fights through Mosley's interference and brings in a touchdown. Extra point is good and it's 24-16. Rams kick off deep with 3:24 left. Inside handoff to Deebo on third and 7, and he picks up 11. (49ers 24, Rams 16)


Precipitation in Buffalo.


That's not a good throw. Neither is that. Wet ball? Let's see. Chiefs take over after a three and out. Le'Veon Bell isn't here, as he can't be cleared for Covid in time. Edwards-Helaire gets 11. Mahomes throws high of Kelce. Darrell Williams gets nine on third and 2. Mahomes misses Kelce again and the Chiefs punt. Allen launches a rocket to John Brown, but Thornhill breaks it up at the last possible second. Officials pick up the flag. Shorter rote to Beasley picks it up on third down. Allen's overthrown Brown and Singletary on two of the last three plays. Field goal is good. Edwards-Helaire goes right and picks up 31. Touchdown Kelce. Allen throws deep, but late, and Diggs runs out of end zone. Breeland almost bounced off Allen trying to tackle him. He won't get away from Frank Clark on this sack, though. Allen overthrows Diggs again, but this time it was because of contact. Diggs work over Ward and gets both feet down for a falling touchdown. Extra point is not only good, but bounces off the top of the net. Edwards-Helaire is FEASTING. Hold cancels out a touchdown. Aikman: "You see that at the rodeo."


More sick footwork, this time by Kelce for his second touchdown catch of the game. You can't let him get that open, especially in the red zone, as Aikman points out. Extra point is... no good. Huh. Diggs drops this, but there was illegal contact (before the throw). That probably should have been fair catch interference. Mario Addison sacks Mahomes. Classic Andy Reid clock management here. Kelce fumbles downfield and the Bills recover. Halftime! Erin reports that Kelce was angry with himself after the fumble. Edwards-Helaire picks up eight more for a first down. They don't NEED Le'Veon Bell. This is going to be terrifying three weeks from now. Mahomes shifts and dives... but they say he's short! Andy's not happy. No challenge, no measurement. Fourth and 1. They give it to Darrell Williams... and he'll score! Bills are crunchy on this drive. Allen to Diggs for 14, then to Beasley for 22. Beasley just breaks the plane. It's really raining now.


Kelce makes a sliding catch on a bad throw by Mahomes. A good throw and he's still running. Edwards-Helaire gets swallowed up by the pile and the ball comes out! Replays show his knee was down. Mahomes scrambles around some more... and fires one to Pringle! 37 yards! That might do it. Field goal is good with 1:56 left. That's a sick one-handed interception by Sorensen to end this game. (Chiefs 26, Bills 17)

Kyler Murray's 6-0 at Jerryworld lifetime, and we do mean lifetime. He had Andy Isabella downfield, but the throw was off target. Cowboys also go three and out. Fitzgerald with back-to-back catches. He's caught a pass in 249 straight games. Can't be holding the ball out like that, Kyler. Punt pins the Cowboys at their own 10. Jordan Hicks drops an interception. Dalton barely escapes a safety and Zeke almost caught the ball. 3rd and 22? Not the best start to this tilt. Zack Martin down, and this offensive line can't take any more hits. Um, the Eagles would like a word, Louis. Under duress, Dalton shovels it to Elliott, who fumbles! Cardinals ball. Murray's been inaccurate so far. He waits, then takes off and picks up 3rd and 10 thanks to a block from Kenyan Drake at the sticks. That's on target to Hopkins. Drake drops a pass on 3rd and 1. Cardinals going for it from the Cowboys' 18? What? Murray bootlegs left and easily picks it up. Jet sweep to Christian Kirk — touchdown. Elliott fumbles AGAIN! Cardinals recover! Griese wonders if the pressure of having to carry the team with Dak out is already getting to him. Murray keeps it himself and gets tripped up at the 1. Easy touchdown for Drake. 14-0 Cardinals.


Tony Pollard in for Elliott. Budda Baker buries Dalton on a blitz. He finds Gallup at midfield for a first down on the next play. Elliott back in. This is a whole lot of plays to not go anywhere. Ten plays, 30 yards, and the Cowboys punt. Kirk's got his man beat and he hauls in a bomb from Murray! Touchdown! 80 yards! Dalton finds Schultz on the sideline to get to the Cardinals' 23. Dalton sacked by Hassan Reddick. Third down pass goes off Gallup's fingers in the end zone. Zeurlein hits from 34. Some extracurriculars after the kick. Blow that whistle all you want, ref; it's not gonna help. Cowboys start the second half with what I think is Cooper's first catch of the game. Dalton gets intercepted! Lamb fell down after some contact and Dre Kirkpatrick makes a jumping interception. Yeah, that should have been called.


Back-to-back big runs by Drake. Murray with another bootleg for an easy touchdown. Cowboys look beaten down. Dalton finally goes downfield but it's broken up and Wilson takes a hit afterwards. Then Dalton overthrows Gallup. Sad 58-yard field goal attempt is short. Hopkins only has one catch tonight as Levy talks about how he and Murray aren't in sync. Lamb breaks a tackle and gets 15 more yards, and a flag will add more. Baker picks off Dalton! He's been killing it tonight. Murray to Hopkins for 61. Field goal is good. Levy: "This is the worst 16-play drive I've seen in a long time." They're at the Cardinals' 1! Dalton overthrows Gallup. Those boos aren't piped in, folks.


There's been a penalty on every other play on this drive, it seems. Dalton finally finds Cooper for the touchdown. Drake bolts for a 69-yard touchdown! That's just sad.


Murray has nine completions tonight. (Cardinals 38, Cowboys 10)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Seattle (5-0) — You can't give these guys an inch
2. Kansas City (5-1) — That's how you adjust
3. Pittsburgh (5-0) — The Browns are comfort food
4. Tennessee (5-0) — Doing it their way

BOTTOM 4:
29. Cincinnati (1-4-1) — Can Joe Burrow survive this?
30. Jacksonville (1-5) — Rapidly sliding back to irrelevance
31. N.Y. Giants (1-5) — A breakthrough, perhaps?
32. N.Y. Jets (0-6) — I see the infighting has commenced


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Sunday, October 18, 2020

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Might As Well Jump

This being booked as a Super Bowl 52 rematch is still funny, I'm sorry.


Bucs get the ball first. Ronald Jones gets the first carry, and he may get the rest of them, too. No Chris Godwin tonight, so a guy named Jayden Mickens, who looks like he's about 5-5, makes this catch for the first down. Brady to Gronk for 13. Jones turns a two-yard loss into an 11-yard gain on first and 20. No O.J. Howard, either, who suffered a torn Achilles tendon, so Brady overthrows Tanner Howard in the end zone. Succop hits from 39. Foles overthrows Robinson and the Bears have to punt. Brady's thrown up a couple of lobs so far. Robinson slides backwards on the sideline to make this catch, which means it wasn't the best throw. replay shows Foles was pressured. Robinson can't handle this pass and the Bucs end up with it! That's a big return, too.

Tyler Johnson bashing through defenders. The Bucs are at the 9 already! This Jones catch gets overruled and turned into an incompletion. Arians challenges. This... might be a touchdown? Because Jones was never touched and he rolled into the end zone. It's close. So... they ruled it a catch, but also that Jones was down at the 2 because the whistle blew because... momentum was stopped? Brady with a laser to Evans for the touchdown. Patterson fields this kickoff at the back of the end zone and brings it out to the 38. Foles underthrows rookie Darnell Mooney deep. Antoine Winfield Jr. breaks up a third-down pass. Aikman calls him a carbon copy of his father. Aikman wouldn't go for it here. The Bucs do, with a Brady sneak and it looks like he gets it. He does. Roquan Smith can't tackle Jones tonight. That's defensive pass interference. Brady throws wide of Evans, and Aikman wonders if a better throw wouldn't have been intercepted anyway. Field goal is good. 13-0 Bucs.

Mini tribute to Gale Sayers. Buck notes that Sayers grew up in Omaha as a big fan of Bob Gibson, who we lost last week. Foles finds Demetrius Harris wide open. Foles finds Montgomery on a swing route while being blitzed, and Montgomery converts 3rd and 7. Patterson takes a wheel route 25 yards to the Bucs' 5. Foles rolls out and wants Montgomery, but he's not open and Robinson can't stay inbounds. Montgomery cashes in for the Bears' first rushing touchdown of the season. This should be a catch and fumble. It somehow isn't, but they do pick up the flag on Kyle Fuller. If anything, they should have thrown a flag for roughing the passer. Now they're reviewing the rest of it. REVERSED! Bears ball! That artificial pop is HUGE. Bears get it back at the Tampa 32 with 1:31 left before halftime. Foles just overthrows Jimmy Graham, who can't stay inbounds. Graham with a one-handed grab in the end zone! Touchdown! Bears somehow lead 14-13 at halftime.


Patterson does NOT respect this kicker. Ronald Jones gets into the open field for a 37-yard gain. Mack sacks Brady. Evans only gets 12 on 3rd and 21. Succop hits from 46 and the Bucs retake the lead. Vita Vea sacks Foles. They call this an interception. There's also a flag. That ball hit the ground. It's offensive holding and they overturn the pick, so it's fourth down. Brady tosses a duck to Cameron Brate. (You can see the back (30) clapping that he's open in the flat, but Brady doesn't look his way and goes downfield anyway.) Gronk gets 15 on 1st and 20 on a ball that was probably intended for Evans. Offensive pass interference on Evans makes it 1st and 30. Mack sacks Brady again and there's ANOTHER flag. These are offsetting penalties. Now it's third and 27. Brady unloads and it goes through Evans's hands. Everything about that sucked. Brady's NOT happy.


Montgomery cuts back and gains eight rather than losing three. Robinson's catch put the Bears inside the 15. Foles is sacked and fumbles but the Bears recover. Bears false start on 3rd and 24. Gronk reaches up and hauls this one in, then rumbles for 23. Another sack. Gronk gets 16 on 3rd and 17 and the Bucs elect to kick. It's good and they retake the lead. Foles ALMOST gets intercepted. Then a pump fake fools no one and he goes down. They get Shaq Barrett for roughing and that's not ideal. Aikman doesn't like it. Foles almost gets intercepted AGAIN by Dean, who has a better angle on that ball than Mooney did. Dean knocks it away from Graham. Kid's having a SERIES. Miller makes the catch for eight yards and a first down. 1:50 left? What? I would not have called a run here. Vea is down and they're bringing out the cart. Montgomery has to turn around and basket catch this one, but the Bears are now at the Bucs' 25. I would not have called a pass here. Aikman is rightfully confused. Then they don't get the first down and the Bucs call time out, leaving 1:13 after this field goal try. The kick is good, so that's a decent start.

Evans slides out of bounds. Pass to Gronk is tipped and had a chance to be picked off, but wasn't. Fourth and 5. Brady goes down the field to Brate, but it's broken up! Brady seems unsure what down it is?

That's Foles's first win as a starter since... the wild-card game against the Bears. Did they close with "Panama?"


(Bears 20, Buccaneers 19)

Signal Finder: PHI @ PIT, LV @ KC, NYG @ DAL

Hey, I have a question: If Sam Darnold isn't healthy enough to play after extended rest, why did he go back into last Thursday's game? (Cardinals 30, Jets 10)

About 5500 fans at Heinz. Eagles will get the ball first. T.J. Watt celebrates his 26th birthday with a third-down sack. Diontae Johnson loses two more yards trying to find space on third and 17. Good thing Wentz overthrew Hightower because he wasn't open. Eagles getting pressure early. Jonathan Vilma (new to FOX and NFL games) says to expect a lot of short crossing routes, and on cue, Steelers convert 3rd and 4 with a quick slant to Chase Claypool. Steelers have converted three short third downs on this drive. VERY late pass interference flag on Slay. First and goal at the 7. Unnecessary roughness call on Jackson gives the Steelers a first down. Quick handoff to Claypool and he follows blocks into the end zone. Wentz just misses Hightower downfield. They run a draw to Sanders on 3rd and 9... and he's gone! 74-yard touchdown! I'm not sure he was touched. We're tied. Second quarter starts and Conner breaks loose for a 25-yard gain. Touchdown Claypool, who appears to have neither been scouted nor covered. Travis Fulgham with three targets and two catches in a row, and the third one gets a roughing penalty attached to it. Make it three. Wentz hits Ertz on third down and it's first and goal at the 1. Touchdown Sanders! There might be a few Eagles fans here? That DPI was somehow a worse call than the one on Slay. Roethlisberger misses Claypool in the end zone. Eagles miss a sack opportunity, but Roethlisberger has to flip it to Conner, who gets upended, forcing a field goal attempt. It's good. Phil-Pitt Steagles footage? Wentz to Fulgham for 20 0on 3rd and 17. Then Hightower gets nine and the protection was good on those last two passes. Don't understand calling a run there with only one time out left. Wentz can't connect with Hightower in the end zone, as the pass goes through his hands. Can't get sacked. Time out? What's going on here? Arceaga-Whiteside makes the catch downfield, but the Eagles are going to run out of time.


Now Broncos-Patriots is NEXT week. Jay Glazer reports at halftime that Bills-Chiefs is off Thursday night and moving to Monday afternoon. This is going to get out of hand fast, if it hasn't already.

Who the hell is this? Ray-Ray McCloud on a reverse for 58 yards! "Ray-Ray"? In 2020? Cox down for the Eagles. Steelers bunch up four receivers at the top of the formation (which the Bengals punished the Eagles with), then send Claypool through and he catches a swing pass for a touchdown. 24-14 Steelers. Wentz is intercepted by Steven Nelson and I have no idea where that ball was supposed to go. Oh, here's what happened: Ertz got knocked off his route and illegal contact should have been called. That's not interference, either. Touchdown Conner and this game's probably over. They're doing a kickoff show for the Smackdown season premiere? Fulgham AGAIN. Quez Watkins in, and he draws a pass interference flag. Wentz lobs one to Ward for a touchdown.


They go for two and get it. Claypool with a big catch over Slay. Eagles... win this challenge? OK. Steelers punt. Meanwhile, Lane Johnson was apparently carted off, which is also bad. Fulgham with his eighth catch to end the third quarter. Hurts to Rodgers, for some reason. Fulgham is killing the Steelers. Wentz sidesteps the rush and hits Fulgham for a touchdown! Vilma: "How do you lose sight of that guy?" 31-29.


For starters, I believe Alshon Jeffrey's already played his last game with the Eagles. We just don't know it yet. Mills leaves Juju for absolutely no reason. Slay has not done well against Claypool today. Vilma's not a fan of how pass interference has been called in this game — that one was against Claypool. Yeah, that's not a whole lot. That's an interception if it didn't hit the ground. Ruled a catch and fumble. Let's see. Confirmed. Eagles ball! Wentz gets a first down with a sneak. Haden breaks up a pass intended for Fulgham. Elliott on for a 57-yard try on 4th and 5. That's short. I might have gone for it there? I'm not sure. Graham is called for a face mask. The Steelers have NEVER lost at home with a 17-point lead. Did Ebron fumble it AGAIN? They call it an interception but the ball clearly hit the ground. Call changed to incomplete pass. CLAYPOOL AGAIN! TOUCHDOWN. Utterly blown coverage. My God. Dupree comes completely unblocked and sacks Wentz. Wentz throws up a prayer on fourth down and it's intercepted.


Same, John. Same. Also, this is not a Scorigami, but it is only the second time we've had this ending. (Steelers 38, Eagles 29)

Graphics puts a Waller chyron on Tyreek Hill, for some reason. Mahomes uncorks a beautiful deep pass to Hill for a  touchdown... but it'll come back because of offensive holding. Chiefs PUNT. Carr finds Ruggs in the middle of the field for 24 yards. Carlson puts the Raiders on the board first. Mahomes finds Kelce down the sideline and he takes it to the Raiders' 5. Mahomes rolls left and just makes the corner of the end zone. Breeland intercepts Carr! He's finally brought down at the Raiders' 29. Hill gets a block from Kelce and walks into the end zone on a reverse. Carr goes downfield to Agholor, who fights off a tackle and scores! 59-yard touchdown. Hey, a Sammy Watkins sighting. The Raiders challenge this Hill catch, a challenge they will lose. Touchdown Mahomes to Watkins. Devontae Booker breaks two tackles and takes off. That's... 41 yards? 43, they tell me. Touchdown Waller and it's 21-17 Chiefs. Gruden and Charles Davis (who's now with CBS and paired here with Iain Eagle) were both assistants at Pacific once upon a time. I didn't know Davis coached after college. Touchdown Ruggs! Seventy-two yard bomb from Carr! Raiders LEAD. Mahomes scrambles left and throws across the field and across his body and somehow finds Kelce anyway. Touchdown Edwards-Helaire, for the moment, at least. Nope. OPI.


Mahomes to Kelce... gets broken up. Jacobs almost fumbles but still gets it to a close fourth down. Now it's fourth and 1 at the Chiefs 20 and the Raiders are going for it. Sneak picks it up. Chiefs can't stop Waller on this drive. Third quarter ends. Jacobs makes Chris Jones miss and goes in for a touchdown! Extra point misses? OK then. We'll see what happens with that. Crosby sacks Mahomes, putting a quick end to this drive. This is Hunter Renfrow, not to be confused with the baseball player, who is Hunter Renfroe. Got it? Carr gets trapped in the pocket and tries to get it to Jalen Richard but he can't get it off his fingers. Carlson hits from 43 with 6:34 left. Mahomes gets picked off! This is going to the 2! Jacobs dives in for another touchdown! 40-24! Keep in mind this is happening at Arrowhead.


Hardman gets to the Raiders' 15. Robinson makes a one-handed grab in the end zone but he's out of bounds. Touchdown Kelce and this isn't over by any means. They go for two and Mahomes finds Darrell Williams in the back of the end zone after rolling all the way to the far sideline. Chiefs kick deep because they can. Breeland stops Zay Jones short of the marker on third down, and we're at the two-minute warning. They'll measure. It's short. Raiders go for it! Carr sneaks it and picks it up! Raiders win! (Raiders 40, Chiefs 32)

ALEX SMITH SIGHTING. Should this have happened? Ramsey should have been penalized for that hit.


Also, this is not the defense to put him in against, not that they had a choice at the time.


There's nothing this franchise can't ruin. (Rams 30, Washington 10)

So that happened. (Ravens 27, Bengals 3)

For the second straight week, the 49ers have benched their starting quarterback against a bad team. Only this time, it's Jimmy Garoppolo. That is suboptimal. (Dolphins 43, 49ers 17)

We arrive at Jerryworld to see Legatron hit a 24-yard field goal. Nantz says the Eagles' loss means the NFC East will all be under .500 after five games, which has only happened two other times — the 2013 NFC East, and in 1968 with something called the Century Division (Browns, Cardinals, Saints, Steelers). Giants try a flea-flicker, the Cowboys blitz, and Jones gets very lucky to find Slayton downfield. Good footwork by him to stay inbounds, too. Freeman to the 4. End around to Engram catches the Cowboys off guard, and that's their first touchdown in 21 quarters. Dak gets picked off by Kyler Fackrell on a tipped pass. He brought it back! Touchdown Giants. It went off Elliott's hands and Fackrell got good blocking on the return. 14-3 Giants. Markus Golden sacks Prescott. Has Jones completed a pass on this drive? Wait, there's one. Field goal is good. 17-3 Giants. Wilson takes a screen to the Giants' 1. Prescott finds Lamb over the middle, and let's add 15 to that for roughing the passer. Elliott is stopped short, but makes it in on second down. Jones with a throw off his back foot and Tate bails him out. Jones is hit and he fumbles, because of course he does. Anthony Brown scoops and scores! Brown was the blitzer but DeMarcus Lawrence got to Jones first. We're tied. Giants run a fake field goal and Engram gets wide open for a touchdown!


But there's a flag and it won't count.


Now it's a 50-yard attempt and it's good. These teams can't do anything right.

Cooper gets the first pass thrown his way with 55 seconds left in the first half. Money well spent. Lamb's already becoming the over-the-middle guy for the Cowboys. That's a hit to the head. THE COWBOYS JUST RAN THE PHILLY SPECIAL. Burn that stadium to the ground. Prescott caught the pass from Cedrick Wilson, who Nantz tells us is the son of the other Cedrick Wilson. I didn't realize it was that long ago. I'm old. 24-20 Cowboys at halftime. Jones starts the second half with a deep ball that Slayton can't catch up to, then hits him underneath on third down. Slayton beats everyone for a touchdown! Romo thinks this flag is OPI and he hates it. He's right about the call. I'm not sure Radley (who was flagged) was running a route, though, because he just stopped. The Cowboys have 12 men on the field on the punt, giving the Giants five yards and putting them back into field goal range. Kick is GOOD. Golden whiffs on Tony Pollard. Dak grabs his calf after going down after a scramble... oh, I didn't see the ankle at first. Feet aren't supposed to bend like that. Cart's already out. Garrett out on the field with McCarthy. Prescott hops onto the cart. Andy Dalton coming in. He's sacked on his first play. Elliott finds a hole and goes through for a touchdown. Cowboys don't buy the play fake and Jones gets buried. Two long passes to Slayton frame the end of the third quarter. Giants down to one time out, for some reason. They settle for three after all that and it's 31-26. Dalton fumbles the snap! Giants ball! Touchdown Freeman and the Giants go ahead. They go for two and the extra tackle is wide open! So much so that he juggled the pass a bit. Cowboys lean on Zeke on this drive, as they're in no real hurry. Tony Pollard gives him a breather. Dalton knows to find Lamb for the tough yards. Someone reminded the Cowboys that the two-minute warning is coming and there's no need to kick this before then. They wait, and Zeurlein ties the game. This is a good punt. The Cowboys didn't use a time out on their previous drive or on defense on this Giants drive that just ended. Cooper gets a first down. Time out. Gallup! Review upholds the call. They're already close. Gallup AGAIN!! His knee came down inbounds, not that it matters. He's their best receiver. Change my mind. Legatron from 34. It's... good. But at what cost? AT WHAT COST?

(Cowboys 37, Giants 34)

Russ arrives wearing a jersey of the still-elite Sue Bird. Vikings go for it on 4th and 2 from the Seattle 37. Collinsworth notes that kicker Dan Bailey didn't have a great pre-game warm up. Cousins goes to Justin Jefferson and gets the first down. Cook slices through the defense for a touchdown.

Wilson runs out of time in the pocket. No one was open. Punt pins the Vikings at their own 2. Cook gets tripped up but still gets the first down. He gets stopped on 3rd and 1 but picks up 4th and 1 at midfield. Seahawks can't contain Cook right now. Cousins escapes one sack only to get sacked anyway. Bailey drills it from 52. Seahawks get 14 on 3rd and 16 and punt. Wilson gets sacked again. Seahawks just aren't themselves tonight. Then Ngakoue gets to him. Pass to the end zone goes off Thielen's fingertips, with help from Shaquill Griffin. Field goal is good. 13-0 Vikings. There's been nothing available down the field all night for the Seahawks. Cook pulls up with a leg injury. That's a really good punt that Moore probably shouldn't have fielded, even though he got a decent return out of it. Greg Olsen lives! Touchdown Seahawks. Touchdown Will Dissly? All right then. Michele reports that Cook has a groin injury. Cousins gets sacked?


Review does change it to a sack and fumble but they rule the ball down. Bomb to Metcalf! Touchdown! What happened, Vikings? Cook came back from the locker room and now his team's behind. K.J. Wright just made a one-handed interception. Chris Carson breaks three tackles and he's got a 29-yard touchdown! Good God. Three touchdowns in 1:53. Zimmer's gonna get fired too at this rate.

Amir Abdullah gets WRECKED on the kickoff return by Dontrae Moore, who caused the Cousins fumble that started all this. Vikings re-centering themselves here. Thielen with a rolling catch for a first down. Touchdown Thielen in the near corner. Vikings go for two but it falls apart. Still 21-19. Al: "I have a feeling that before this season is done, you and I will be doing a Thursday morning game." Moore lays out in the end zone but can't quite catch it. On the next play, Wilson gets hit by Harrison Smith as he throws, and it's out of Metcalf's reach. Snacks Harrison in a box; he just joined the Seahawks' practice squad. Who moved? This is big. It's on the Seahawks. First down Vikings. Alexander Mattison, Cook's backup, gets another first down. He's done well filling in tonight. Touchdown Thielen to cap off a 15-play, 97-yard drive.

Wilson is intercepted! Another big run by Mattison. Boone getting some carries. Vikings have had the ball for more than 38 minutes. Vikings go for it on fourth and short from the Seahawks' 4 or so... and don't get it. I absolutely would NOT have done that. Kick the field goal and win the game. (Or, at worst, secure overtime.) There is this, however:

Oh, man, if Mattison had bounced it outside he'd have gotten a touchdown. It is RAINING. Metcalf outmaneuvers Dantzler and makes the catch on 4th and 10. Lockett goes out of bound at the Vikings' 21. Cris wonders if no crowd influenced the Vikings' decision. ESPN ran numbers!

Wilson to Metcalf to the 6! They still have their time out left. Metcalf... DROPS it in the end zone! Third down pass sails way too far.

This is it. Wilson fires into the end zone — TOUCHDOWN METCALF! Yeah, that's a catch. Wow. They go for two but the pass is dropped. One last play for the Vikings. Ball's out. It's called a fumble. This is an incomplete pass. Some extracurriculars happening. A ruling hasn't been made yet. Now it has. Call stands. Game over. Seahawks night games never make sense. They break the Vikings' hearts again.

Michele, to Russ: "I feel like I just watched four football games in one." (Seahawks 27, Vikings 26)


So that's that. LDT in the virtual audience. Chargers win the toss and take the ball, which no one does anymore. On their second rive, Herbert finds Allen in a tight window for a first down. Touchdown! Herbert got chased out of the pocket, Allen followed him across the field and Herbert found him. Badgley misses his first extra point of the year. Levy jinxed him! Brees to Sanders for a first down. Three straight incompletions and the Saints punt. Sack! Taysom gets stuffed on third and short, and Lutz makes a field goal to end the first quarter.

Herbert gets sacked again, and was lucky to not lose the ball. This is roughing the kicker. Griese and Riddick debate over whether it should have been roughing or running into, ending with saying that the punter's kicking leg getting hit was the difference. Guyton splits the middle and Herbert hits him in stride! Down at the Saints' 4. Touchdown Mike Williams. We got a punt return here, and the Saints will... well, wait. We got a flag, and it's holding on the receiving team. So instead of midfield, it'll be Saints ball at their own 22. Levy: "Check your local listings." Intercepted! Adderley takes it all the way back to the... 1, as he gets brought down just before he can stretch the ball across the goal line. Brees either forced that throw or lost control of it. Herbert gets sacked AGAIN. Joshua Kelley gets most of it back. Hunter Henry with a leaping catch for a touchdown! Herbert's the only rookie QB to face Super Bowl MVPs in three of his first four starts (Mahomes, Brady, Brees). Brees hits four in a row in the two-minute drill to get to first and goal with 35 seconds left. Brees to Sanders for a touchdown! Quick slant and Sanders falls into the end zone. Oh, hang on... it looks like his knee was down before the ball broke the plane. Let's see. Nope, down at the 1. Taysom Hill gets thrown down in the end zone and it goes uncalled. BREES SNEAK? Touchdown! Both Lynn and Payton had Covid during the summer, and Payton told a story about getting recognized because of catching it. Herbert's third-down pass to Henry gets right to the line. First down. Drive stalls and the Chargers punt. Lutz hits a 53-yarder.

Fumbled snap but Herbert falls on it. Justin Jackson drops a pass on the sideline, then Herbert underthrows Mike Williams under pressure. We find out that Chauncey Gardner-Johnson was the teammate that Michael Thomas got into it with, which is why Thomas isn't playing tonight. Griese notes that Payton's explanation sounds like Bill Parcells. (We also learn that both Payton and Lynn were assistants under Parcells during his time in Dallas.) Nick Bosa takes Brees down. Feels like Kamara's has a quiet game tonight. 70 total yards. Brees goes deep to Jared Cook, the help comes too late, and we're tied! Malcolm Jenkins drops an interception on a ball Herbert shouldn't have thrown. Williams is WIDE open for a 64-yard touchdown!

Chargers go ahead with 3:40 left. Saints get to midfield at the two-minute warning. KAMARA! He juggled and caught that ball over the man's head and somehow stayed inbounds. 28 yards and the Saints set up at the Chargers' 15.

Taysom Hill thinks about a pass, but he runs it and gets a touchdown! Saints kick it to tie.

52 seconds left. Not a fan of the Chargers' play calling here — they don't have time to be content with 10-yard chunks. They're reviewing this Justin Jackson catch on the sideline and if he got the first down or not. Herbert throws a jump ball and Williams beats Lattimore to it! Williams loses his helmet post-landing.

Ball's at the Saints' 32. Chargers run one more play but nothing's there and Herbert dumps it.

Announcers remind us that we're here because of Badgley's missed extra point at the start of this game. It hits the upright... and bounces OUT! OVERTIME.

Saints win the toss and receive. Murray gets a first down. Saints moving without resistance. No idea why the Saints are letting the clock run here. Incomplete on third down. Field goal is good. 5:08 left.

Herbert gets hit low, giving the Chargers a first down. Herbert throws behind K.J. Hill on third down. Slant to Williams on fourth down and he didn't even get close. Lattimore's revenge! (Saints 30, Chargers 27, OT)

AND WE'RE NOT DONE. I don't know why Andre Roberts didn't catch that, but he didn't and Malcom Butler did. Titans in business, and A.J. Brown cashes in almost immediately. Allen looking a lot sharper on this second drive.

All kinds of things going on here: The Bills went no-huddle; Clowney was offside; and the Titans had 12 guys on the field. Touchdown to Gabriel Davis is called back for a procedure penalty. Roberts catches this one. Touchdown Isaiah McKenzie, whoever he is. Titans start the second quarter with a slant to A.J. Brown, who gets to the 3. Henry punches it in on second down. 14-7 Titans. Dawson Knox with a stiff arm after the catch. Diggs is open on the sideline across midfield. Sack! Diggs comes back to bail Allen out and pick up a first down. Is Tom McCarthy calling this game? Dear God. Field goal is good. So much play-action. SPEAKING OF STIFF-ARMS, Henry just sent Josh Norman back to Washington. The run won't count (Offsetting penalties) but holy crap.

Titans take a delay of game on 4th and 7 to get out of considering a 55-yarder. I don't understand that. They were at the Bills' 36. This version of Gostkowski probably can't hit a 55-yarder, but why not go for it? Bills go three and out. This is a PUNT. Add whatever that flag was to it and the Titans have the ball at their own 10. Titans doing nothing deliberately here. They get Norman for interference, giving the Titans a first down. Tannehill to Firsker to the Bills' 10. Tannehill tries to rush up to the line but there's a flag. Bills were offside. Tannehill rolls away from pressure and takes it himself. Touchdown! He shoots a running jumper afterwards. PAT is good but the long snapper's rusty. Apparently he's been in COVID protocol? Of course he has; it's the Titans. Titans punt is downed at the Bills' 2. Why is T.J. Yeldon getting these carries? Allen to Beasley for another first down. Diggs gets 12 for another first down on 3rd and 10. James Brown breaks in: Le'Veon Bell RELEASED.

We come back and Malcolm Butler picks off Allen. He breaks a tackle that would have pulled him 10 yards back from the spot of the interception, and he keeps going! He's finally brought down inside the Bills' 15!

Allen both forced that throw and didn't put enough on it at the same time. Touchdown to Jonnu Smith!

Beasley moves the chains. Rinse and repeat. Allen throws behind Davis. He drifts left and throws a laser that Yeldon comes back and catches for a touchdown! AND he almost got clotheslined afterwards. They go for two and don't get it. 28-16 with 10 minutes left. Tannehill scrambles for 20. Bills jump offside. 3rd and 2 from the Bills 24. They pick it up with 5:30 left. Henry turns the corner and scores, which should seal this. Then the Bills fumble the kickoff and the Titans recover. Touchdown Smith! Not sure what they're reviewing here. I guess if Tannehill was across the line of scrimmage? Call STANDS.

And, of course:

(Titans 42, Bills 16)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Seattle (5-0) — Yes, Russ is the first quarter MVP
2. Kansas City (4-1) — There are also gonna be some duds
3. Green Bay (4-0) — Not the best time for a break
4. Pittsburgh (4-0) — Yes, really

BOTTOM 4:
29. Detroit (1-3) — Can't lose if you don't play, right?
30. Jacksonville (1-4) — Minshew Mania seems to not be going well the second time
31. N.Y. Giants (0-5) — That was a winnable game
32. N.Y. Jets (0-5) — Trash fire

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