Thursday, October 24, 2019

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: Fishtown Is Burning




Bashaud Breeland's having a rough season — he held Sutton AND ran into Honey Badger at the same time. Flacco finds Sutton at the 1. Everyone's behind him. Royce Freeman takes it in, and it took the refs a little too long to signal touchdown. Chiefs are offsides on the extra point try. Broncos now going for two. They give it to Lindsay and he... doesn't get it.  Shady with a couple good runs to start out. Mahomes finds Kelce in friendly traffic. Hardiman makes a juggling catch, two defenders fall down, and he does the rest. Extra point is good. 7-6 Chiefs. Flacco is sacked, but Royce Freeman recovers the fumble and saves some yards. But not that many, as Hardiman returns the punt 36 yards to the Broncos' 21. Field goal is... good. Philip Lindsay gets tripped up or he might have been gone. As it is, he's short, but defensive holding gives the Broncos a new set of downs. Sack! Got away with a face mask as well. Pass interference flag is picked up. Was that supposed to be a fake punt? It sure was — the Broncos send a gunner across the formation and then FAKED handing it off to him. The punter instead gets tackled for a 16-yard loss. That was doomed from the jump.




Darrell Williams is stopped short on 3rd and 1. Chiefs go for it with a Mahomes sneak, and it works. And he's still down. That may not have been wise.







Matt Moore comes in as Mahomes walks around on the sideline. Wait, Chad Henne's still in the league? (He's on IR, which is why Moore is on the roster.) They run it twice and do a toss play that falls incomplete, then kick a field goal. Erin's mic goes out. Flacco is sacked and fumbled, and Reggie Ragland picks it up for an easy score. 20-6. Now we check in with Erin, who says Mahomes is out for the game with a knee injury, and that he was only in the X-ray room for two minutes.




Flacco goes deep to Sutton and it's a miracle that didn't get picked off. Flacco gets sacked and fumbles AGAIN, but this time Lindsay is there to pick it up. Reid challenges that Flacco was already down. Mind you, this is second down he's doing this on. Broncos pick up the blitz and Flacco finds Sutton for 18 on 3rd and 14. Field goal is... wide right. Broncos get the ball back inside two minutes. Sanders makes a nice catch on the ground. Bolles called for holding again. Rookie Noah Fant gets caught looking at the oncoming defenders and drops the ball. 20-6 at halftime after a whole lot of nothing in the last 55 seconds. Moore with a great throw to Hill, who beats Chris Harris and scores easily.




Aikman's not sure that was the pass Moore was planning to throw. 27-6. Another three-and-out for the Broncos. Apparently Stefen Wisniewski's a Chief now. Fullback Anthony Sherman is the Chiefs' emergency quarterback, we are told. Aikman imploring the Broncos to show some life. He's sacked again by Frank Clark, who was being held by Bolles. That's the eighth sack for the Chiefs tonight (the failed fake punt also goes down as a sack.) End of 3. Aikman: "I'm shocked there are this many people still at the game." He said this AFTER they showed Elway in the owner's box. And it keeps getting worse for the Broncos.




Shot of Len Dawson smoking a cigarette during Super Bowl I. It was a simpler time. Butker field goal makes it 30-6 with 5:04 left. This'll be Reid's 200th career victory. (Chiefs 30, Broncos 6)

Signal Finder: OAK @ GB, AZ @ NYG, NO @ CHI

Still no Davante Adams for the Packers. Meanwhile, the Raiders are starting wide receivers with 43 career catches. Combined. Josh Jacobs doing a lot of work on that 42-yard run. Field goal by Daniel Carlson, the ex-Viking and Brown who may have found a home here. Rodgers play fake even fools Nantz, but he ends up taking a short scramble instead. Good run by Jones. Big play to Jimmy Graham, who slips on the turf or he may have scored. Jones with a good back shoulder catch in the end zone. Packers fullback Vitale finds a hole, makes a routine catch... and slips. What's going on down there? Sack! And the Packers have to punt. Nantz talks over a holding call that wipes out an 18-yard catch. Blown coverage leads to an easy Raiders touchdown, but the second holding call this drive on Sharpe wipes it out. Are all the Raiders' tight ends rookies? And have they completed a pass to a wideout on this drive? Touchdown Moreau (who is a rookie.) Vitale again. GERONIMO. Rodgers flicks it to Jamal Williams for an easy score. Carr hits Waller twice and the Raiders are suddenly at the Packers' 2. Carr rolls right, takes off, stretches for the pylon and... oh no, did he do it AGAIN? He stretches the ball out to get it to the pylon as he's going out of bounds, and the ball comes out, but when? Call REVERSED.




It's a fumble through the end zone, a touchback, and Packers ball. Fix this shit, NFL. There's absolutely no good reason that should be a rule. Lazard with a drop and the Packers are back to last week again. Kumerow beats his man, walks the sideline, and scores! They're looking at it and he may have caught the sideline. Even if he did, it'll stop the clock. Call STANDS. Packers get the second half kickoff. Rodgers goes to Valdes-Scantling for 59! Rodgers shows Carr how it's done. 28-10 Packers. Romo wonders if the Raiders are in four-down territory already, but they convert 3rd and 5, postponing the question, at least. Touchdown Waller! I wasn't expecting a shootout, to be honest. It's also apparently Tight End Day, as that's a touchdown for Jimmy Graham.




It's like the Packers aren't even bothering to cover the Raiders' tight ends. I thought Jacobs was going to score after that first cut he made  but the Packers caught up to him. He gets stopped on third and goal and the Raiders are going for it. Nantz notes that a field goal would make it a two-score game, but he then also notes that the Raiders haven't been able to stop the Packers at all. Jacobs goes high, gets spun around in midair... and doesn't make it! Raiders' defense gets a necessary stop. Carr looks for Waller in the end zone, but Kevin King intercepts him. ANOTHER touchdown pass from Rodgers, this one to Valdes-Scantling. Aaaand that'll be it for both starting QBs. (Packers 42, Raiders 24)




We get shipped here to see the immediate aftermath of this. Giving up two points AND the ball when you're trailing may be an all-timer. Interception! Coutee couldn't bring it in and Darius Leonard ends up with it. (Colts 30, Texans 23)




Busman's holiday for Panthers tight end Greg Olsen, as he's using his bye week to do color with Sam Rosen here. Saquon back. But the Cardinals get the opening kickoff. 4th and 3 and the Cardinals pass on a 53-yard field goal attempt. That was easy. Touchdown David Johnson's backup. Jones runs for 11 yards on 3rd and 8.




Then he throws into double coverage and it's intercepted by Jordan Hicks, who, sadly, is due to get hurt any time now. Chase Edmonds (he has a name!) runs through the Giants' "defense" for another touchdown.




Now he's back. Sure. That's good. Free play leads to a defensive pass interference call against the Giants. Shurmur challenges. Did the contact cause him to fall? Call STANDS. (I wonder, if it had been reversed, if the Cardinals would then have the option of taking the offside penalty that caused the free play in the first place.) Field goal is good as the rain starts to fall. 17-0 Cardinals. Tate makes some moves after the catch for a big play, which may be the Giants' best chance for big plays with Jones right now. NEXT PLAY, he throws a well-placed (!) rainbow to Rhett Ellison, who runs over Budda Baker and scores. Murray will learn to not take that sack, as it shortens the field for the punter. BLOCKED PUNT. TOUCHDOWN GIANTS. Murray gets run out of the pocket and tries a pass with his off hand that almost gets intercepted. Somehow this is the first time I've seen Barkley actually on the field today. You know who would have been a great complement to the young offensive core Olsen was talking about? Odell Beckham, Jr. Just saying.  Tate drops a catchable pass but he was pushed in the back. Jones is sacked and fumbles! Cardinals ball! Murray scrambles away for a first down, then gets hit while sliding. CHASE EDMONDS AGAIN. Did Terrell Suggs poke Evan Engram in the eye? Field goal is NO GOOD. Giants back on the move. Touchdown Barkley. Cardinals gets 11 on 3rd and 14 and decide to punt from their own 45. Kingsbury's Texas Tech career was tremendous? Oh, as a player. Right. Giants run a draw to Barkley on 3rd and 18 that gets three yards with 3:01 left and the clock running. Patrick Peterson blitzes, sacks Jones, and the Cardinals recover the fumble. Olsen still annoyed by the third down call, as everyone should be. Rookie mistake by Murray to run out of bounds on third down, saving the timeout-less Giants 13 seconds. Field goal is good. Then Slayton wastes time bringing the kickoff out of the end zone and only gets to the 12. These teams stink. THIRD AND 24. Jones lucky to not get caught for a safety there. He's hit as he throws on fourth down and the ball falls harmlessly to the turf. (Cardinals 27, Giants 21)

Stafford misfires and Trae Waynes intercepts it. Vikings take a knee and things get heated. Why are the Lions sitting on two time outs? (Vikings 42, Lions 30)




Ladies and gentlemen: PEAK CHARGERS. (Titans 23, Chargers 20)

Trubisky is back for the Bears. Punt is BLOCKED. It gets punched around and knocked out of the end zone for a safety. (That's a penalty. You can't do that IN the end zone.) No Kamara for the Saints today. Clouds are low but it's not a Fog Bowl situation. Saints are down to passing to their fullback. It's a weird situation. Challenge flag is out — Payton wants this Anthony Miller play to be a catch and fumble. Aikman thought it was a fumble before Payton even threw the flag. Call REVERSED. Saints ball at the Bears' 24. Bridgewater to Josh Hill (replacing Jared Cook) for a touchdown. Patterson takes the kickoff TO. THE. HOUSE. 102 yards! That was an unusual one where he never shifts into his fastest gear but still manages to outrun the Saints' cover guys. Also this is hot:




Trubisky throws low to Robinson, prompting the announcers to talk about how much heat Trubisky's gotten from fans of a winning team. I'd like to introduce these dudes to Carson Wentz. Then Trubisky hits Robinson for a first down. He goes deep to Robinson again but his left foot lands out of bounds.  He's targeted Robinson a lot on this drive. That sack wasn't great. Robinson can't quite stretch out far enough to bring that pass in. Field goal is good and it's 10-9 Bears. Bridgewater rolls towards the first down marker after being tripped from behind. Nagy challenges the spot. Call STANDS. First down Saints. Payton's unhappy about a facemask but you have to actually grab and hold on to it, not just graze it. Lutz good from 39 and the Saints retake the lead. Bad pass by Trubisky, missing an open Miller downfield. Saints got a piece of that punt, too, which is why running into the kicker wasn't called. Saints do that dumb thing where they try to draw a non-Bengals team offsides with a hard count on a 4th down and short. Just kick the field goal, my dudes. Lutz does not miss from here. Son of a BITCH. Wide right. Cohen gets cut down in the open field and the Saints will get the ball back with 1:49 left. That's a good punt. And that's a good return. How many three-and-outs can we squeeze in before halftime?




Three. The answer is three. The Saints return the punt for a touchdown. There's a flag down... and it's on the Saints. They take a knee and go into the locker room.




The Union won a playoff game! Latavius Murray gets through space pretty easily. SPEED! Ginn gets to the Bears' 3. Touchdown Murray. David Montgomery fumbles on the Bears' first play and the Saints recover. That's Lutz's second miss in a row. Trubisky may have gotten away with intentional grounding there? He won't escape this sack, though. There's your Taysom Hill Chunk Play Of The Week. Screen to Taysom Hill is well blocked and that's a touchdown. Is that a "TEDDY!" chant? Touchdown Murray and that's it. How are there still nine minutes left? Trubisky's been very scattershot — note the bomb to Miller and then the first three throws at the goal line. Touchdown Robinson on fourth down. The Bears recover the onside kick. Trubisky's been better on this drive. Another garbage time touchdown. Another onside kick. The Bears get THIS one, too, after it hits a Saints player. What is going on? Does someone have money on this game? The officials rule that the Bears player went out of bounds before he recovered it, so it's Saints ball. (Saints 36, Bears 25)

Feels like the loser tonight could see their season spiral out of control. Eagles win the toss and take the ball, which is interesting. Goedert fumbles and this team continues to have worthless opening drives. Prescott turns a sneak into an eight-yard stumble. Tavon Austin takes a flip, fakes out Scandrick, and scores easily. DeMarcus Lawrence finally gets a sack against the Eagles and Wentz fumbles. Touchdown Elliott. This game's over. turns TV off in disgust



Wentz gets hit right in the head. That's 15 yards.




Prescott finds Cobb, who was covered by Sendejo for... some reason. Something's wrong with Fletcher Cox — he hasn't made a play all season or commanded the double-teams he usually does. Getting interfered with is a top-5 all-time Jalen Mills moment. If the Eagles do trade for a cornerback, they almost have to send one of theirs out, right? What was THAT? 21-7. Now Hassan Ridgeway's hurt. The Eagles are out of defensive tackles.




Brett Maher hits from 63. Fuck this game. OH MY GOD A SACK. And a fumble on TOP of it? Are we suddenly on Earth-19? Then THIS happened:




crosses off Eagles




I suppose that's one silver lining. (Cowboys 37, Eagles 10)

INSPIRATION:


Jets missing tackles left and right. Bolden's up this week. He does NOT score here. Sony Michel, on the other hand, walks in untouched after getting two good blocks. That was a 16-play drive.




Devon McCourty picks off Darnold. Patriots lose three yards and settle for three. Darnold is sacked. Ball's out? Was Van Noy down? He gets up and runs into the end zone. Let's check. Van Noy WAS down so it's not 24-0. Yet. Steelers-Dolphins next week? For the love of God, WHY? Did they want to pay homage to their 3-0 tilt in a swampy Heinz Field? Because we could have that again, just without the swamp. First and goal already. An illegal block negates a touchdown, delaying the inevitable. Pats got a backup center playing fullback. Touchdown.




Bell is the Jets' only chance, and it may already be too late. Darnold gets intercepted AGAIN! Pats get the ball at their own 1 and don't get a first down.




Not a great punt. Darnold underthrows a double-covered Anderson, but does find Thomas for a first down. Crowder with a juggling catch that stands after a review. The Jets decide to keep their time out here and instead lose 10 seconds. Fourth and 4. Jets go for it again. Incomplete. Suzy Kolber: "Now the moment you've been waiting for." She throws it to Scott Van Pelt for the final Rise of Skywalker trailer. I'm ready for this to be over.




McCourty blitzes, forcing Darnold into a poor throw that Gilmore picks off. Who's beating this Patriots team? Pats' punt pins the Jets at the 3. High snap. SAFETY. 26-0. Tessitore assures Darnold that there will be better days. Brady hit as he throws and it's intercepted by Trumaine Johnson, his first highlight in about four years. Thomas signed with the Patriots in the offseason and was traded to the Jets after Week 2. He called his time there "a waste of time." Darnold gets intercepted AGAIN, this time by Terrence Brooks in the end zone. This was his biggest problem in college — poor recognition leading to bad turnovers.




Booger wonders why Gase isn't drawing up shorter routes, as all of Darnold's picks have been on deeper routes. It's because Gase is a fraud, Booger. Footage of Belichick's first MNF appearance, with the Browns in a loss to the Dolphins. It's still the third quarter? Darnold's missed nine in a row and Booger thinks it's time to pull him. Speaking of, I'd take Brady out too. This challenge is some petty-ass shit. To answer the "who can beat the Patriots" question, Booger suggests the Ravens and Colts. Jarrett Stidham finally comes in for the Pats after the Jets muff a punt. (Patriots 33, Jets 0)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. New England (7-0) — Soon to be 8-0
2. New Orleans (6-1) — All cylinders
3. San Francisco (6-0) — A well-earned rest
4. Green Bay (6-1) — The Eagles beat this team?

BOTTOM 4:
29. Atlanta (1-6) — During a fight, Aaron Donald almost broke Devonta Freeman in half
30. Washington (1-6) — Bad and ugly
31. Cincinnati (0-7) — Will they start selling off pieces?
32. Miami (0-6) — Is there even a short-term plan here?

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Sunday, October 20, 2019

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 6: Get Clean

There's so many other better things on. Is there weather? I heard there might be weather. Doesn't look like it. Pats ball first. Quick pass to Michel on the sideline. (That puts Brady past Peyton on the all-time passing yards list. He's now second.) It's a Brandon Bolden week and there he is for a nice run. Michel gets stopped on 3rd and 1. Going for it already? They're at the Giants 18, FYI. This is VERY close. NOPE. I don't get that this early in the game. All you've done is give an overmatched opponent confidence. That's a bad decision by Jones and it gets tipped and intercepted. Then Brady overthrows Edelman and it gets picked off by Janoris Jenkins! This is a RETURN. A late hit will move it back, but that's another big break for the Giants. They squander it and punt. Brady with a week to throw and finds Ryan Izzo on third down. This is an... incomplete pass, not a fumble. The Giants challenge. Call STANDS. Giants punt is BLOCKED! TOUCHDOWN. New kicker Mike Nugent puts the PAT through. Bradley Beal up here looking like Spike Lee at halftime of Sun-Mystics Game 5. Brady drops the snap, then casually lofts one up there that was either going to be a touchdown by Edelman or another interception by Jenkins. It was somehow neither. I don't know who Jacoby Meyers is but that's a good catch. Brady sneak... doesn't get there. But Bolden does on the next play. GOLDEN TATE! Once he brought that ball in it was a wrap. Edelman somehow gets open in the middle of the field. Brady is sacked and fumbles! Markus Golden picks it up. He stretches through a tackle... touchdown Giants! What is happening right now? Dude runs like a defensive end. (which is to say, poorly.)




White's elbow is down before the ball crosses the plane. This is the right call. This Brady sneak works. 21-14 Pats at halftime. I don't know who Emma Meesseman is but she's been killing it all series. Kristi Toliver's been around forever. Mystics win! They started hugging with 11 seconds left. I've never seen that.




Jones making rookie mistakes, throwing to yet another receiver who's not open and getting picked off. Patriots starting to take advantage of this talent-deficient Giants defense. Patriots throw short on 4th and 7, but they get lucky and get the Giants for holding (Jenkins, specifically). Nugent on for a field goal. THUD. No good. (The goalposts at Gillette don't have the CLANG of others. It's more like a dull, deep bonk.)







Jones REALLY needs to stop throwing to people who are well-covered. He's not good enough yet to make those throws consistently. Meanwhile, Patriots receivers keep getting open. Edelman loses his footing and only gains seven after a catch. Pats go for it on 4th and 5 and again they don't pick it up. They've left at least six points on the field in a weird game. Giants fumble! Kyle Van Noy picks it up and... scores? No? Yes! 28-14 Patriots. Punting on 4th and 2 with under eight minutes left? Cowards. Brady connects with a bomb to Edelman. Sneak gets another touchdown. I don't get this challenge, Giants. Especially after punting on 4th and 2 with under eight minutes left. Actually, I do. That's 100 percent pass interference. It will not get changed. It does not get changed. This was a bad idea, friends.




(Patriots 35, Giants 14; Astros 6, Rays 1; Mystics 89, Sun 78)

Dude muffs two punts in a row and the Panthers recover the second one. We're done here. Imagine thinking Jameis Winston will ever be good. O.J. Howard may as well not be on the team. He doesn't exist in this offense. This looks like a bad spot on this McCaffrey run. Or is it? It's... not, actually.
Field goal is... no good. Will this game please end? (Panthers 37, Buccaneers 26)

Signal Finder: PHI @ MIN, HOU @ KC, SEA @ CLE (end), DAL @ NYJ

Vikings run a double pitch that could have gotten more yards if someone other than Cousins ended up as the lead blocker. Cousins overthrows Diggs. Thielen saves him with a diving catch on third and 12. Cook is stopped short and the Vikings challenge. Charles Davis wonders if the Vikings aren't going to go for it regardless. Vikings win the challenge and its first and goal. Touchdown Thielen. Penalty on a kickoff (that Sanders admits he shouldn't have fielded) pins the Eagles at their own 7, and that ends about as well as you'd expect. Vikings are clearly targeting Sidney Jones. How Cousins didn't go down on that shot from Bradham I'll never know. But holding on Douglas prolongs the drive. Thielen is ruled out of bounds on third down on a good play by Jenkins. (The announcers wonder if the Vikings should challenge this, but his knee was out of bounds.) Field goal is good. Wentz scrambles for eight and tack on five for defensive holding. First pass of the game is a screen to Jeffery that gets a first down. Too-low throw by Wentz on third down gets deflected. Elliott makes it from 53! Diggs sets Douglas on fire for a 62-yard touchdown. McLeod was stationary on that play.




Eagles go on fourth and 2 but it's incomplete, and I'm surprised they threw there. Cousins IMMEDIATELY hits Diggs for a 51-yard touchdown and this game is over. Sanders!




Then the defense actually gets a stop. Third down pas goes right through Ertz's hands and it looks like he didn't even see it. He thinks he was held — and he was. Cousins throws to Diggs, but it goes off his hands. INTERCEPTED. That ball hung up there and ex-Viking Andrew Sendejo tracked it down. Agholor leaks out on 3rd and 2 and gets out of bounds. Peters has been in and out, and now he's out. Davis notes that the refs have been letting the receivers and corners battle each other downfield. Fake field goal? Why is Elliott throwing it? It's picked off and that'll end the half.




Pederson defends the indefensible. Eagles get the ball to start the second half. Agholor makes a play for 23 yards. Then Sanders goes deep again and Wentz hits him for 45! They're at the Vikings' 4. Wentz dances around for a bit, then eventually finds Jeffery for a touchdown. Davis isn't buying this pass interference call on Jones. Then the Vikings commit back-to-back penalties. If Jeffery stays inbounds that's a touchdown. As it is, it's a gain of 26. Another wide receiver screen and this one doesn't work. Elliott good from 40. Two straight completions to Diggs. This was supposed to be a wide receiver pass but Diggs wisely decides against it on two occasions. Does he keep both feet inbounds here? Oh, he does and that's another touchdown. Wentz angrily spikes the ball after they don't get the play off in time. Vikings blitz and Wentz has no chance. Meanwhile, Cousins has faced exactly zero pressure in the pocket with a not-great offensive line (that lost its left tackle on the first series) in front of him. Big run by rookie Alexander Maddison. Touchdown Cook. Wentz gets cheap-shotted on the ground. Wentz finds Ertz on 4th and 15! Fumble? Oh no. Vikings have it. Let's see. That's definitely a catch. Is the ball coming out? Call stands.




Yeah, it's pretty much over after that. What an absolute humiliation. (Vikings 38, Eagles 20)

Tyler Lockett touchdown is REVERSED after review. Why are they playing the Undertaker's theme music? Carson punches it in and the Seahawks retake the lead with 3:47 left. Mayfield's had a rough day. That one should have been caught. And why is Hilliard in the game instead of Nick Chubb in the first place? Seahawks ball and it's over if the Browns can't get a stop. Browns use their two time outs, then the Seahawks call one. Carson gets another first down and you can pack this one in. I do wonder if Freddie Kitchens is in a David Blatt situation, where he's coaching a team that's very different from the one he thought he was getting when he accepted the job. (Seahawks 32, Browns 28)

Big play by Darrell Williams gives the Chiefs the ball deep in Texans territory. That won't help. 2nd and 25? Sure. Chiefs jump offside and Mahomes finds the now-back Tyreek Hill in traffic, and he stretches out and breaks the plane. Touchdown! Carlos Hyde fumbles on the Texans' first play and it's Chiefs ball! Robinson almost caught that for a touchdown. Chiefs still turn it in to three points. Then Hopkins fumbles, but the refs say his forward progress was stopped, preventing another Chiefs touchdown. No idea how Mahomes got that to Kelce while throwing off his back foot. McCoy zigs and zags for 15. Mahomes to Hill to the 15. Screen to Damian Williams and he scores easily. 17-3 Chiefs already and the first quarter isn't over yet.




Now it is. Watson goes deep for Fuller but he stumbles and can't bring it in. Texans go back to Hyde. A rare carry from Duke Johnson. Then he does what he does best -- catch passes -- and scores. Extra point is... no good. Mahomes gets hit low and there's a flag somewhere. Then he throws an interception in the end zone, but that'll be negated because of pass interference. Then the refs discuss it... and pick the flag up because the ball hadn't been thrown yet, apparently. So the Texans will get this ball after all. Some post-catch unpleasantries being exchanged on the sideline. Morris Claiborne's still in the league? WR jet seep on third and 3 gets 2. Chiefs blitz on 4th and 1 but Watson finds Hopkins. Touchdown Hyde. CBS's sound a little too good there. The Texans don't go for two here, and the kick is good. Butker misses from 50 for the Chiefs. Texans go for it on 4th and 1 with a deep ball that gets intercepted in the end zone. Not sure why Fuller and Couttee were in the same place at the same time. Mahomes gets the ball knocked out of his hands and the Texans recover at the Chiefs' 4! You can see on that one angle the fight for the ball on the ground. 23 seconds left in the half. Watson rolls out and runs it in! It's 23-17 Texans at the half, which is remarkable after that start.
Another one through Fuller's hands. Hill sits down in the zone and catches an easy touchdown pass. PAT puts the Chiefs back in front. This Chiefs defense, besides being bad, also commits a lot of penalties. Hyde bashes through for a big run. Hopkins with a dropped pass. Watson throws a lob fade but it's picked off! Bad decision there, as Hopkins was double-covered. Javarris Ward went over Hopkins and did one of his one-handed catches to get that. Texans' next drive starts with Watson being surprised by a snap. Duke Johnson with a rare carry. Five Chiefs are needed to keep Daniel Fells out of the end zone. Watson takes it himself and stretches across the goal line. Hopkins catches the two-point conversion, then gets punked and no penalty is called. Texans stop the Chiefs, but are then faced with a 4th and 3 at the two-minute warning. The Texans go for it (passing on a 45-yard field goal try) and Hopkins makes a sliding catch. That'll do it.




Remember, two years ago, the Chiefs turned a 4-0 start into 6-6. They haven't lost back to back games at home since 2013. (Texans 31, Chiefs 24)




...so that's a "no". Also, they benched Rosen for Fitzpatrick in a move that will somehow end both men's careers. (Redskins 14, Dolphins 13)

If that wasn't bad enough, now we have to watch the absolute farce that is Cowboys-Jets. The NASCAR race is red-flagged? Now it's postponed? Fuck it all. I'm doing laundry. Aric Almirola just called NBC "FOX." Amari Cooper has more receiving yards than ALL OF THE JETS COMBINED. Jets are in the red zone for only the fourth time this year. Nantz says the league average through four games is 16 red zone opportunities. Did Romo just call the Jets a "scary opponent"? Really, dude? I mean, it fits the definition of a trap game, but it's the least-trappy trap game ever. That looks like a horse-collar tackle on Darnold. It is, and that was dumb because Darnold wasn't going to score. DPI is the fourth Cowboys penalty on this drive. Touchdown Bell! What's up with the clock in the score bug? Elliott makes a juggling catch near the sideline. Gallup can't catch this Prescott pass on 3rd and 4. Field goal is good. Footage of the cameraman getting plastered on that tackle of Bilal Powell. He got hit so hard the color bars went out. Cowboys call a toss on 3rd and 11. It doesn't work AND they get called for offensive holding. Nantz notes that Cooper wasn't out there, and Tracy reports that he's questionable with a quad injury. Tavon Austin finds a hole in the zone. Jets make a stand. Cowboys going for it from the Jets 7. Dak keeps it and LOSES two yards! Jets take over! 92-YARD BOMB TO ROBBY ANDERSON!! What is going on here? The Jets then get another stop on defense. They're gonna get the ball back. Big play by Demaryius Thomas, his first in about five years. Ryan Griffin gets out of a foot tackle by Vander Esch and it's first and goal. Griffin again... that's a touchdown. And this is now officially a trap game. Brian Poole just dropped an interception. Cowboys are at the literal edge of field goal range. And by that I mean ANYONE'S field goal range. Maher's gonna try from 62. It hooks back over... and it's GOOD! Romo can't believe it. 21-6... JETS at the half and not dull. Cowboys get the ball to start the second half. Feeding Elliott probably the best strategy here. Gotta put a man on Gallup. Witten touchdown is called back because of offensive pass interference. Romo doesn't like it at all. Ball back at the Jets' 14. Zeke drops the pass. Field goal is good. Nantz and Romo discuss the penalty with Steratore, who also didn't really like the call, but isn't sure the Cowboys would have won a potential challenge. Bad throw by Darnold and it's intercepted. What a waste. Prescott overthrows everyone. Maher MISSES from 40! Thomas with another catch. Robert Quinn comes completely free on a sack after the Jets block Sean Lee instead. Jets are the worst third  and long team in the league, and that continues. They really need to do better with numbering or subtitling these Call of Duty games, especially the Modern Warfare ones. They just use the same titles over and over again. Jets punt, then start off the Cowboys' drive with a roughing penalty. Drive ends with an Elliott touchdown. 21-16, 6:20 left. Darnold to Crowder for 30! Then he hits Anderson for 18 to get into field goal range. Big play here. A first down means the Cowboys have to start burning time outs. Incomplete. Ficken field goal is good. Jets now self-destructing, with three straight penalties, one of which was declined. That one's on the Cowboys. And there's another DPI on the Jets, this one on Jamal Adams, which was particularly ridiculous.




This is also making these last two minutes take absolutely forever.




Six penalty flags in a row. That's absolutely ridiculous. How are we supposd to trust these people? Touchdown Cowboys. Did Dak keep that? He did, and ties Staubach's record for Cowboys quarterback rushing touchdowns. Gotta go for two now. INCOMPLETE! Adams blitzed up the middle and Prescott threw it wild! Onside kick won't matter as Nantz wonders whether the competition committee will look to do something about it. Thomas got real lucky to pull that back in. Jets win! Nothing makes sense. Wild fact: Only one team in the Super Bowl era has won a Super Bowl after losing to the Jets in the regular season — the 2001-02 Patriots (their first one). Let that sink in. (Jets 24, Cowboys 22)




This didn't go so well. The jury's in on both of these guys, unfortunately. (Broncos 16, Titans 0)

Devlin Hodges: Third-string quarterback or NXT jobber? Who knows? WHO KNOWS. Melvin Gordon starting tonight for the Chargers. That's a backward pass. Which makes it a fumble, and which makes it touchdown Steelers. Devin Bush picks it up and dives into the end zone. That's why the Steelers traded up to get him (which they rarely do). So is THAT. Bush intercepts a tipped pass. That's an... interesting hair situation the kid's got. Two straight passes to Conner. Then he takes a shot to the back but still manages to get a first down. Touchdown Conner! That's a great punt, but the Steelers accept the penalty hoping for better field position. They gain one yard on the rekick. Hodges does NOT need to be leaving the pocket and taking hits. I don't even know who the next guy is at this point. Conner breaks a tackle and jogs the last 10 yards. 21-0 Steelers and nothing makes sense. The Steelers almost got another interception but Rivers' pass hit the ground first. Rivers goes deep to Mike Williams but he can't bring it in. He does catch a shorter route on third down. Then he gets 20 on the next play. Rivers gets flagged for grounding. Field goal is... no good. CLANG. There isn't a Chargers fan in that place.




12-4 but the point stands. Hodges hasn't had to do ANYTHING. This is the best the Steelers could have possibly hoped for. Screen to Benny Snell gets another first down, but it's called back for offensive holding. Then the Chargers get hit with an unsportsmanlike conduct flag.




Conner's been on the sideline for the last five plays. Snell gets to the unofficial yellow line. They measure and he got it by the tip of the football. The snap gets past Hodges, which is the first bad thing that's happened to him tonight. Boswell's kick is good. He's been perfect this season, a nice bounce back from a rough year last year. Steelers almost blocked that punt. Has Hodges attempted 10 passes? Steelers punt, but it's muffed and they get it back! Wow. Terry McAuley says this is actually fair catch interference, since Desmond King did signal fair catch. The officials are discussing it now. Indeed, they do change the ruling to fair catch interference and the Chargers will keep the ball. That's their biggest victory of the night. Hey, a Keenan Allen sighting. Nice play by Joe Haden to knock that pass away. Sad field goal! Some footage of Hodges doing duck calls. That's where this game has gone. He's the 2018 Alabama state champion? WHAT? That interception was his first mistake of the night. Rivers having a worse night somehow. Guys dropping balls, no running game, missing opportunities for big plays, and he's getting no protection on the right side (and hasn't for years).
Pass to Hunter Henry in the back of the end zone is incomplete. Then another official calls it a touchdown. They review it and it is, in fact, a touchdown. The Steelers have used seven straight first-round picks on defense. And, as Al points out, it's eight if you count them trading next year's No. 1 to Miami for Minkah Fitzpatrick. They didn't have Jason Moore scouted, though. (Which makes sense; the Chargers just brought him up.) Touchdown Henry! Are the Steelers Chargering? Hodges keeps it on third down and comes up one yard short. Cris says they should go for it instead of trying a 54-yarder. They're gonna PUNT. Or send the punter out, at least. Al, Cris, and the Chargers all seem to think a fake is possible, as the Chargers move some guys up to the center of the line. They punt it away... and it's downed at the 1! Rivers throws up an interception and that's that.




OOF. (Steelers 24, Chargers 17)

Remember when the Lions COULD NOT win here? They've won three of their last four and are on a W4 against the Packers. FLEA FLICKER TO GOLLADAY FOR 66 YARDS. Stafford trips over... well, I'm not quite sure what. He still finds Jesse James to salvage the third down and give Prater a shorter field goal. The Lions go deep on the first play on their second drive to Marvin Hall for 58 yards. They have a PLAN tonight. Slant to Golladay creates first and goal. Screen to the tight end gets to the goal line but not over it. Johnson goes over the pile but gets stopped short. I thought he'd made it initially. GO FOR IT. They give to Johnson again and... what is it? One official says no, one says yes. They call it a touchdown. I thought he made it, but now I'm not sure. I can't overturn it, regardless. It'll count. 10-0 Lions. Rodgers with a week to throw, but has to check down to Jones. Replay shows Valdes-Scantling slipped and everyone else downfield was covered. Jamal Williams back. Jones fumbles and the Lions get it! Stafford scrambles for 10. Johnson gets upended. Stafford's completion to Jones is his seventh straight completion. Second quarter starts with a screen to Johnson that takes the Lions to the Packers' 7.




Stafford overthrows Golladay in the corner and they settle for a field goal. Both Rodgers and Geronimo Allison fell backwards on that pass. (It was caught.) Jones drops a long pass that would have been a touchdown. Rodgers rolls left and fires into the end zone, but Graham can't hold on.




But the Lions get caught with 12 men on the field and the Packers get a first down, which is extremely Lions. Williams takes the pitch and finds just enough space to turn the corner and score. 13-7. The Jets winning gave them the best possible promo for next Monday night. The Packers' receivers look like the Eagles'.




Williams bursts through a hole and gets to the Lions' 10. Someone take an angle, jeez. Packers start moving backwards. Crosby field goal is good. 13-10 Lions at halftime. Marcedes Lewis hasn't had this many receiving yards in a decade. Crosby is good from 48. Packers send everyone after Stafford, and the line  blocks the interior rush but can't stop the edge. Muffed punt! Lions ball! They kick it and retake the lead. Snacks Harrison buries Rodgers at his own 3. Haven't seen Aaron Jones since that dropped long bomb. The Packers just get this play off and Rodgers hesitates for a moment as if he didn't think they had. They don't get the first down and punt. Stafford almost loses his footing (we've seen a few guys slip tonight) before finding Golladay. Another field goal makes it 19-13 Lions. The Packers desperately miss Davante Adams, who hasn't played since leaving the Eagles game hurt. Nobody else can catch! Pretty sure Preston Smith left early on that sack. Hey, a catch by Valdes-Scantling! Rodgers goes to Darrius Shepherd at the 5, who falls down — and Justin Coleman catches the deflection and returns it into Packers territory! Rough night for Shepherd, who also muffed the punt earlier. Packers challenging this completion. But he fumbled out of bounds? Why do this? The call gets reversed (um, HOW?) and Prater's on to try a 54-yarder. NAILED IT. Phantom face mask call takes away a sack and gives the Packers a first down. And three plays later, Rodgers goes 35 yards to someone named Allen Lazard for a touchdown! Refs miss a pass interference call on Redmond. Not that it would have been overturned anyway. Which is the problem.




Rodgers scrambles for 15.




Two minutes left. First down pass to Lazard. Replay of the 2015 Hail Mary in Detroit. Lions call their last time out. Rodgers has nothing, dodges a rush, and throws it away, but... Illegal hands to the face on the Lions may have just doomed them. I don't know about THAT one, either. Booger's furious.




The Packers hand off to Williams, who recognized that the Lions were going to let him score (as they should have) and he slides at the 4. Packers take a knee, then set up Crosby for a 23-yarder. It's good. That was a fucking travesty. (Packers 23, Lions 22)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. New England (6-0) — Two and a half phases
2. New Orleans (5-1) — Shifting to defense
3. San Francisco (5-0) — Yet another L.A. takeover
4. Green Bay (5-1) — Better lucky than good, right?

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Jets (1-4) — You're still really bad, guys
30. Atlanta (1-5) — I'm surprised Dan Quinn survived that
31. Cincinnati (0-6) — I feel like this new kid doesn't know what he's doing
32. Miami (0-5) — Imagine not wanting off this scuttled ship
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Wednesday, October 16, 2019

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Distance Yourself

MY EYES! MY EYES! THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING! The Seahawks offensive line is reverting to the bad old days of Tom Cable. This fumble is... in bounds? They called it out? Rams challenge. Call REVERSED, and the ref gives a solid explanation as to why the Rams couldn't advance it afterwards. This camera shot makes this field goal look a lot longer than 47 yards. It's still good. Here's Aaron Donald again to kill every Seahawk in the building.




Rams starting to feed Gurley here.




Field goal is good. 6-0 Rams. Wilson finds Will Dissly, who has somehow become their best pass-catcher this season, alone for a big gain. TYLER LOCKETT! TOUCHDOWN. How did he even catch that? Aikman and the replay show great coverage by the Rams, but that throw was nuts. I was sure he was throwing it away. 7-6 Seahawks. They call this an incomplete pass. Which is fine, I guess. Wilson without a lot of time to throw on this drive, either. Both Donald and 26 tried not to hit him mid-slide and Donald fell on top of him anyway. The Rams almost blocked that punt. Wilson runs away from Dexter Fowler and buys about three more seconds before hitting Lockett for 17 yards. Wilson runs a play fake and throws a lob to DK Metcalf, who walks into the end zone. Woods is open for 16 yards. Kupp with his first catch. Gurley fumbles and the Seahawks have it. Carson grinds for yards. Again, Wilson makes a great throw to a spot where only a well-covered Dissly can catch it. That 53-0 home record with a four-point or greater lead since 2012 is a sick stat. Seahawks considering a 4th and 1 from the Rams 29 after Carson gets stuffed on third. They try to draw the Rams offsides, which  never works. Bad snap on the field goal and the kick goes wide right.




Rams speeding down the field. Dump roughing the passer call on Ziggy Ansah gives the Rams a first down. Thirteen seconds left and a time out. Touchdown Kupp!




Rams kick the extra point for some reason. 14-13 Seahawks at halftime. Goff to Gerald Everett for 30! They don't use the tight ends often, but when they do, it always seems to be important. Gurley blasts into the end zone and the Rams lead. Seahawks punt pins the Rams at their own 1 and they can't escape. Goff's third down pass was almost intercepted (and that was after he almost took a safety on 2nd.) Screen to Damon Moore, who jukes Marcus Peters (who's having a rough game) and scores. Rams coming back right away with a big play to Cooks. Surprisingly terrible tackling by the Seahawks on this Everett catch and run. This won't be a touchdown, but it's first and goal from the Seahawks' 1. (Buck thought Everett scored and was a little surprised the Rams didn't challenge.) Gurley again. Rams line up to go for two. Goff keeps it on a draw from the shotgun and it's called good. Replay looks like his knee is down before he reaches the ball across the goal line. Call correctly reversed. Seahawks line up Rashad Penny wide, he gets interfered with, and still makes the catch down the sideline.




Wilson's scramble come sup short of the first down , and it doesn't matter because of offensive holding. Field goal is good. Cooks beats Shaqueill Griffin's coverage for 26 yards, but now he's down. Seahawks claim OPI and challenge this for... some reason. Call stands. Goff finds Kupp on 3rd and 18. Aikman spots that he had Everett open underneath. Woods is ruled out of bounds in the end zone — and it's correct, as his elbow hits on the sideline. This is a bad challenge, McVay. Call stands.




Goff overthrows Kupp in the end zone. Field goal is good. A dubious roughing the passer call on Clay Matthews? THAT'S never happened before. Big run by Carson gets the Seahawks inside the 10. Seahawks go for it on 4th and goal from the 5. Wilson scrambles and floats one to a wide-open Carson, who juggles it before catching it! Talib came off him to stop Wilson from running into the end zone. Two-point try fails. 30-29 Seahawks with 2:21 left. Cooks not back. Goff got lucky that pass to Woods wasn't intercepted. The next pass is almost intercepted. Seahawks challenge, and I don't think that hit the ground. Yeah, this is a pick. Call REVERSED. Rams' defense holds, despite Peters getting away with the old five-yard face mask.




That's a good punt. Rams have no time outs. Woods converts 3rd and 1 and gets out of bounds. Everett gets to the Seahawks' 30. Ball comes out, but he's ruled down. 36 seconds left. Rams have two incompletions and a delay of game penalty. Everett gains nine yards. Zeuerlein on for a 44-yard attempt. JUST missed it! (Seahawks 30, Rams 29)

Signal Finder: NYJ @ PHI, MIN @ NYG, BAL @ PIT (end), CHI vs OAK (end), JAX  @ CAR (end), GB @ DAL




Craig James starting at cornerback for the Eagles despite Sidney Jones being in the graphic. You thought the Eagles had first-quarter struggles. Graham with a SACK. Eagles take over near midfield. Lot of running early by the Eagles. That's not just a bad snap, that's one of the worst snaps I've ever seen. New dad Jason Kelce needs sleep, clearly. Wentz does well to recover it and then throw it away but near Hollins so grounding isn't called. Howard carries to the goal line, then across it on the next play. Le'Veon Bell is the Jets' only real chance. Jets go for it on 4th and 1. Falk passes but Nate Gerry intercepts it! Touchdown! Post-score penalty will be enforced on the kickoff but it's already 14-0. I don't know why you don't give Bell the ball there but I'm not Adam Gase.







Franklin Field B-roll for... some reason. Orlando Scandrick is back, and he comes on a blitz and deflects this pass. Sanders somehow ends up being covered by a defensive end on a 36-yard pass play.




Eagles go for it on 4th and 5 from the Jets 36. Jets rush and it's incomplete. Douglas almost gets an interception. Jets stay on the field for 4th and 4. Now the field goal team is on for a 55-yard attempt. Not even close to the goalposts. Wentz throws a little high to Ertz, who was actually pretty decently covered. Ertz does NOT get the first down, for the first time all season. Jamal Adams is probably the Jets' best player and definitely their best guy on defense. He's the one guy I'd avoid. Punt pins the Jets inside the 10. The Jets manage to have two illegal blocks on the same play that lost four yards. That's the Jets' second delay of game penalty on the last two drives. Gannon points out how high the play clock is at the Linc in relation to other stadiums. You can see it there; it's up above the end zone video boards. Wentz wanted to go deep there but he ran out of time. Fans want Pederson to challenge missed pass interference on this Agholor play. Call STANDS because the pass hadn't been thrown yet.




This Jets offense can't do anything. Another sack! Meanwhile, the Eagles commit back-to-back penalties to end up in 2nd and 30. Robby Anderson makes a catch for a first down, which seems notable. Luke Falk can't get rid of it fast enough. Ruling is changed to an incomplete pass. Falk throws into traffic and it's tipped and picked off by McLeod.




Sanders goes inside after this catch to get the first down instead of going out of bounds. On the next play, he does go out of bounds. Wentz goes to Ertz and I need to see when his knee hits. That's close. Even Ertz wasn't sure. Call STANDS. Mike Trout's here because of course he is. 21-0 Eagles at the half.




Wentz ducks a sack and somehow gets that pass away, and a good catch by Ertz against tight coverage for 21 yards. Remember what I said earlier about Jamal Adams? Eagles going for it on 4th and 1 from the Jets 40. Quarterback sneak appears to work. It does NOT. What was that spot? Bell finds a little space and picks up a first down. Graham with another sack. Is that three for him today? It's four for the Eagles, who only had three up to this point. Ertz gets 14 yards on 2nd and 18, then Wentz finds Agholor for 20 on 3rd and 4. They've run more screens to Jeffery than usual. Eagles just running over the Jets now. Field goal is good. 24-0. Vinny Curry with a sack. Jenkins runs through Demaryius Thomas to tackle Jamison Crowder. Fourth quarter starts with Thomas flat out dropping a pass. Man, he got washed quick. I still don't know what happened. Clement replacing an injured Sproles and the punt gets muffed! Jets ball! Replay shows the punt went off another Eagle's foot and Clement tried to recover it but failed. Vyncint Smith (yes, that is correct) on an end around for a touchdown! Two-point play fails. HASSAN RIDGEWAY with a sack. This Jets' offensive line is TRASH. Another sack? No! Scandrick picked Falk's pocket and he's gonna take it into the end zone! That may be the first play he's ever made. That's Bilal Powell's first carry of the season. Join the party, Daeshon Hall! You too, Josh Sweat! McCown in. David Fales in for the Jets as they show Falk heading into the medical tent. One more sack for good measure? Sure, why not. Fun fact: The Jets have never (0-11) beaten the Eagles. (Eagles 31, Jets 6)

What the hell, Patriots? Some awful tackling on that Sims touchdown. Brady's stat line is going to be incredibly misleading. (Patriots 33, Redskins 7)

Vikings get the ball first. Diggs with an early catch. I thought the Giants came a split second early on this blitz, but the Vikings pick it up and Cousins gets the ball to Thielen for a first down. Screen to Cook beats the blitz. Cousins gets sacked, which is hard to do against this defense. Vikings settle for three. Almost-Jet Anthony Barr sacks Jones, but defensive holding in the secondary (?) gives the Giants a first down. Gallman finds a hole and gains 12 yards against a 12-man defense. Giants pin the Vikings at their own 2. The Giants are missing four linebackers. Cousins finds Thielen for a first down. Feels like the Vikings are making a concerted effort to throw more than last week. Touchdown Thielen! 10-0 Vikings. Corey Ballentine returns the kickoff to midfield. John Hilliman (?) carries for the Giants, as we learn that Gallman is in the concussion protocol. Touchdown Giants. That's a great throw by Jones and a good job by rookie Darius Slayton bringing it in. The Vikings' offensive line still isn't great. Cousins goes for Diggs but rookie Deandre Baker does a good job fighting through Diggs's hands. Field goal goes off the upright and in. 13-7 Vikings. Great work by Thielen to read the traffic after this catch and turn it into a 44-yard gain. FOX keeps cutting off its replays. Cook fumbles! Giants ball! Peppers punched it out and saved a touchdown. Vikings fly through the Giants' alleged offensive line and get a safety. That play never had a chance. 18-7 Vikings at halftime after another field goal. Engram with a catch for a good gain. Shepard gets away from coverage and gets a first down. Jones misses him badly two plays later. That penalty won't help. The Vikings bottle up Engram, forcing fourth down. Field goal is good. Someone tackle Cook maybe. Touchdown Thielen.




Vikings challenge this catch. Call STANDS. This is Golden Tate's first action after a suspension. I think he was the fertility drug. I've lost track. Fullback Eli Penny getting some run out of necessity. Giant go for it on 4th and 2 from the 3. SACKED. Mike Hughes almost had an interception off a tipped pass. Jones with a laser to Shepard. The Giants also can't get out of their own way. They challenge a no-call for DPI on Hughes, but there's nothing there. Vikings starting to grind clock. Field goal is good. Sam Rosen shouts out Barr, who's been all over the field today making plays. And his interception will likely seal this game and help avenge their baseball brethren. (Vikings 28, Giants 10)

Oh, it's the 25th anniversary of both of these teams. (Panthers 34, Jaguars 27)

They brought the cart out for Mason Rudolph but it broke, so he had to be helped off by staff? What the hell, Steelers? We come in with the Steelers somehow up 23-20, but the Ravens have the ball and are already in field goal range with a minute left. Jackson has no open receivers and takes a sack. That's too long for Seth Roberts. Tucker hits from 48. We're tied. And we're going to overtime. Steelers win the toss but don't take the ball, which is interesting with an untested quarterback who I haven't even seen on the field. Defense holds and someone named Devlin Hodges has taken over for Rudolph. They show the hit that took Rudolph out and that's awful. Marlon Humphrey punches the ball out of Juju's hands, then recovers the loose ball that somehow doesn't bounce out of bounds. It's ruled a catch and fumble and the Ravens have it. All turnovers are reviewed. Call stands. Because of the turnover, the next score wins, and it'd be a 52-yarder for Tucker from where the ball is. Ravens run it three times. Tucker on. Is it going left? It comes back in and goes through! (Ravens 26, Steelers 23, OT)




That's at least the fifth one of those this season. Was this a revenge game? Because last time they played, four years ago, the Falcons dropped 48 on them. (Texans 53, Falcons 32)

How does this defense allow that to happen? How? Don't punt this to Cohen, dude. Sack! Raiders win and that's just embarrassing. (Raiders 24, Bears 21)

Packers start with the ball. Rodgers scramble is negated by offensive holding. Elliott slices through the Packers for 12. Pass goes off Cooper's hands and right to Jaire Alexander, who brings it back into Cowboys territory. Jones with a catch and run for a first down. Touchdown Jones. Maybe this will prove to the Packers that AARON JONES IS THEIR BEST BACK. Cooper makes the catch against Alexander this time. Tavon Austin with a big play. The Packers' new Smiths team up to sack Prescott and knock the Cowboys out of field goal range. Good catch on the sideline by the Packers' third tight end (!). Jimmy Graham blocking? Touchdown Jones! Cooper doing whatever he wants early. Dak throws another pick, this one to Chandon Sullivan, who may have been one of the Eagles' desperados last year. Good play by him to reach up and get that. Rodgers fumbles and the Cowboys pick it up. It'll be reviewed. Call is changed to an incomplete pass, so the Packers get to punt it away. Bush 43 in the house to help announce that the National Medal of Honor Museum will be built here. Darnell Savage gets his leg bent back uncomfortably. Preston Smith with a sack on third down. Aaron Jones is doing whatever he wants against this Cowboys defense.




Rodgers overthrows Allison but gets roughed. Graham gets taken down but not before getting a first down. Jones with a spin move to get seven. Another carry sets up first and goal from the 1. Jones gets stopped. Rodgers gets rushed and has to throw it away, then a third-down pass also falls incomplete. Have you learned NOTHING? Field goal is good, at least. Cooper wide open again and I think he may have Alexander spooked. Prescott gets hit and can't finish the throw. Brett Maher tries from 54. Wide right. Packers can't do anything. No idea why the Cowboys are running plays here. And it's halftime. Jones pulls a pass away from the defender and gets a first down. Rodgers finds Allison, who gets inside the Cowboys' 10. Darrius Shepherd gets a touchdown knocked out of his hands. Defensive holding. Jones gets to the corner and scores pretty easily. 24-0 and the Packers fans here are making themselves heard. Troy's been helping out at the Episcopal School in Dallas the last couple of weeks. Cooper goes out. Kevin King drops an interception and I'm not sure how. Zadarius Smith sacks Prescott again! The Packers' sacks today have all been perfectly timed. Dak throws short. Cowboys kick a field goal. That's a bad pass interference call on Anthony Brown. Garrett challenges. Call stands because these calls don't get overturned. Marcedes Lewis to the 10. Touchdown Jones! It's 31-3 and the Cowboys are getting clowned out here. Zadarius Smith down. Prescott gets hit and throws up a floater — that's caught by Gallup, who then wriggles free and scores! Packers do nothing. Cowboys challenge this Cooper incompletion, believing he was inbounds. Call REVERSED. Cowboys suddenly attacking deep. Interception! Wait, is this on the Packers? It is! Both of them are. Cowboys catch a break and Elliott scores on the next play. Packers again gain zero net yards and punt. And Dak immediately gets picked off by King, who dropped one earlier. That's the third one Prescott's thrown today and he's lucky it's not the fifth. Packers take two minutes to go nine yards and kick a field goal. Cooper slips two tackles and walks into the end zone for a 53-yard touchdown. 34-24 now.




It's easy for me to say this, but Jones would have been better off going down or just throwing it away rather than keep running and lose more yards. Now is this roughing the kicker or running into the kicker? That's very important here. If it's roughing, it's first down Packers and we're two more away from this being over. It's not. Cowboys ball. NOBODY liked that roughing the passer call. I didn't because Dak had started running and was running past the guy when he got slapped on the helmet. Field goal time. False start moves it back five yards. NO GOOD. That's that. (Packers 34, Cowboys 24)

Chiefs will have Sammy Watkins and the Colts get T.Y. Hilton back. Good to see Jack Doyle up and around after Burfict knocked him out last week.




Marlon Mack with some shifty moves in traffic to get to the Chiefs' 7. Mack touchdown is called back for a penalty, but Brissett rolls out, has to keep it, and does. Extra point is good. 7-3 Colts. Sideline pass to Travis Kelce is ruled incomplete, as he never had control. So how about this one? It's called a fumble on the field.




Call REVERSED. Incomplete pass. Mahomes crosses the field and throws a strike to Pringle in the end zone. That's interference. Field goal ties the game at 10. Rare three-and-out for the Chiefs. The Chiefs' defense remains its Achilles heel. Double handoff flea flicker? Doyle catches it but he's out of bounds, and Collinsworth says Brissett didn't see a wide open Deon Cain. Honey Badger interception! Hardiman juggles that pass and catches it eventually. Shady with a caravan off a screen pass. Fumble? Fumble! Scrum ensues and the Colts end up with the ball. Chiefs stand up on defense and force a punt. Anthony Sherman picks up 4th and 1 at midfield. Mahomes seems a little out of rhythm. Bashaud Breeland is getting used and abused. That's the third penalty on him already tonight. This is a catch. That'll help set up a field goal. It's good and the Colts lead. at halftime. Fourth holding penalty on Breeland. Hardiman gets interfered with on the sideline, but a later replay shows he may actually have been out of bounds when it happened. What is THIS? Is this an interception? I can't tell that it hits the ground or not. Call REVERSED. Incomplete.




But the unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on the Chiefs still applies, so it's 4th and 17. Colts run a jet sweep on 3rd and 1 and get 12. Drive stalls and the Colts' punt puts the Chiefs at their own 1. Mahomes limps off after third down, and a Chiefs offensive lineman is just down. When's the last time the Chiefs had a scoreless quarter? Colts challenge pass interference. This will not be overturned. And it shouldn't, because there's nothing there, either. Fourth and 1 from the Chiefs' 38 for the Colts. They've made their last six of these. Mack takes it outside and make it seven. They're doing it again from the Chiefs' 27! They call their last time out with 11 minutes left in regulation. Brissett sneaks and I don't think he made it. He DID! Reich knows they need a touchdown here. (Indeed, NBC put up a win probability graphic, and the percentages dropped from 64 to 47 when kicking a field goal there.) Two minutes later... they kick the field goal anyway. 7:40 left. Turns out Cam Erving stepped on Mahomes's ankle earlier. Flags everywhere on this bomb to Hardiman. Offsetting penalties. How is it 3rd and 28. Pringle gets 2... 7! Chiefs going for it. Ex-Chief Justin Houston stops Williams in his tracks. And why is Damian Williams getting the carry there? This is the opposite of the Jets throwing to LeVeon Bell on fourth and 4.




When's the last time the Chiefs had a scoreless half? Because that's what we might be looking at. Mack carries the pile to the Chiefs' 12. 3:40 left. Viniatieri makes it 19-10. Steelers-Chargers next week, and a lot of people are surprised/disappointed it wasn't flexed out. Mahomes to Kelce to the Colts' 7. Crowd wants a flag but Kelce's never catching that. Mahomes is sacked. Now the Chiefs have to kick the field goal, but they get lucky with an injured Colts player, which stops the clock. Cart's out. Someone call the Steelers. Field goal is good. There hasn't been a successful onside kick yet this year. (They changed the rule last year and you can't load up one side anymore.) Kick goes right to Doyle.




(Colts 19, Chiefs 13)

Jerry Rice AND Jim Brown here. Browns win the toss and... TAKE THE BALL? Shocking! OBJ with the wide receiver pass to Jarvis Landry for 20 yards. They called this pass to Seals-Jones complete? He landed out of bounds, no? Oh, they didn't. OK. Matt Brieda gets the 49ers' first carry and HE IS GONE. 83 yards and waves goodbye to Damarious Randall at about the Browns' 35. Mayfield gets rushed and throws an interception to Richard Sherman. Niners almost fumble it right back. Mayfield overthrows Beckham on second down, then gets sacked on third down. Kittle takes a pitch (?) down the sideline. Goodwin on a reverse. Tevin Coleman with the carry. It's his first action since the opener. Brieda gets away from his defender and makes a diving catch in the end zone. Mayfield gets swarmed by the Niners' front four, and Nick Bosa forces a fumble. 49ers ball. Gould MISSES the field goal. Mayfield gets it to Landry for 25 yards. Two overthrows and the field goal team is on. Kick is good. Quick pass to Beckham gets the Browns back inside the 10 after a penalty. Pass to Calloway is low, he can't handle it, and it's intercepted! Nothing's gone right for the Browns tonight. That wasn't a "great" throw, Booger. But he does have to catch it. Coleman picks up 4th and 1. Then he finds a hole and scores after the two-minute warning. BIG PUNT RETURN. That pass was almost intercepted. 19 seconds left. Gould misses AGAIN. Bad snap (this is the 49ers' third snapper this season) and a rookie holder doesn't help either. Nick Bosa has destroyed everything in his path this half, and he mimes "planting the flag" as a reference to Mayfield doing it after beating Ohio State in Columbus. Garoppolo finds Kittle wide open for a 22-yard touchdown. He's their best pass catcher. How do you not cover him?




Kittle bounces off a defensive back and gets the first down. Field goal attempt is BLOCKED. Snap seemed a little high? The blocker came off the edge. Third quarter ends. Why does the score bug say 28-2? Ah, they've fixed it. Bosa sacks Mayfield for the fourth time tonight. Browns recover the fumble but this is what it's been. Beckham back to return this punt. He gets chased around and has the ball punched out of his grip. Gotta catch that. Gould makes a field goal and they cut to John Lynch applauding on the sideline. Nice troll job, camera guy. Sherman's joking with Lisa Salters about how she finally saw one of his interceptions. This is the 49th win for the 49ers on Monday night. (49ers 31, Browns 3)




RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. New England (5-0) — This is a defense year
2. Kansas City (4-1) — That was... strange
3. New Orleans (4-1) — Bridgewater plays big when needed
4. San Francisco (4-0) — This feels real

BOTTOM 4:
29. Cincinnati (0-5) — May actually be the Dolphins' biggest tank competition
30. N.Y. Jets (0-4) — They're as bad as I've heard
31. Miami (0-4) — UPDATE: I was right about the Florida Panthers last week
32. Washington (0-5) — Firing Jay won't change a thing


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