Thursday, September 19, 2019

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: Sirens Called

It's Thursday night! And is this a must-win for both teams already? There was some lightning nearby earlier but the game will start on time. Buck warns us that there are only two cameras currently being manned because of that. Bucs get the kickoff.




The Panthers have switched to a 3-4 on defense. It's been all McCaffrey so far for the Panthers. NEXT WEEK: The contractually obligated Titans-Jaguars TNF. Panthers pick up the blitz, but Jarius Wright is stopped short of the first down. Here comes Riverboat Ron. Cam keeps it on a sweep and I don't think he got there. Buck doesn't like the spot. Short. Rivera challenges the spot. Call STANDS, and play has been suspended due to more lightning in the area. Let's hang back. Looks like we'll resume at 9:09. We're back early! OK. Evans can't make the catch in the end zone. Bucs have a rookie kicker who makes the field goal. Cam hits Curtis Samuel for 44 yards, and that's a guy they're gonna need to make this offense better. Wright finds the edge on 3rd and 4. Aikman on McCaffrey: "He's just short. He's not small." Field goal is good. 3-3. Ex-Buc Gerald McCoy with an absolute stuff for a loss of seven. Winston gets sacked by Panthers' top pick Brian Burns, and that's a bad sack because, despite  what Aikman said, Chris Godwin WAS open. That's a good punt and a good return. Greg Olsen lives! I legit thought he'd retired. Drive stalls outside the red zone and the field goal is good. Winston hasn't played well again tonight so far. I feel like the Bucs could get something for Cameron Brate. Winston hits Godwin for a touchdown. The Panthers will need D.J. Moore's hands, also. Chris Hogan's a Panther? OK. Panthers two-minute'ing well here.




Their rookie kicker (because Gano is hurt) hits from 54 and it's 10-9 Bucs at halftime.




Olsen beats man-to-man coverage for a big gain. Cam gets sacked. Oh, look, Cam got hit in the head and it wasn't called. Imagine my shock. He finds Olsen again on the next drive and Olsen already has 104 receiving yards. That's Barrett's second sack in as many drives. Make that two sacks in a row. This Panthers' offensive line still isn't any good.




CLANG! It's good. Panthers somehow lead, 12-10.




Winston to Godwin for 24. That pass was thrown so badly even Keuchly couldn't make a play on it, and he was closer to it than anyone else. Ronald Jones with a good run. Not smart by McCoy. Peyton Barber slices through the defense for a touchdown. Arians has TWO women on his staff, and also has the largest staff in the league. Cam gets hit and throws an interception, but defensive holding wipes it out. Cam fumbles two plays later and the Bucs get the ball anyway.




Breshad Perriman missing a crucial third-down catch? That's never happened before. Field goal is... wide right to end the third quarter. Fans start to boo as Cam airmails one on 3rd and 12. Punt pins the Bucs at their own 3. That delay of game saved them from a safety. FOR ONE PLAY. Keuchly pulls Barber down from behind. Ball comes out, but he's ruled down.




Barrett jumps all the way offsides. Why not sneak Cam there? And then they throw deep on 4th and 1? What's going on here? The Bucs go three and out and then Cam, for some reason, decides to throw to a not-open Samuel. Bucs taking a lot of time to do nothing. Field goal is good.




Rivera challenging for pass interference. Is this the first one of the regular season? First one I've seen. That's... close. But as Pereira said, if it was within five yards, it's Illegal Contact, which isn't reviewable. Call (or no-call, in this case) STANDS. These Panthers receivers can't get open. That's an... interesting spot. The Buccaneers don't challenge that, which has Buck and Aikman stunned. McCaffrey gets 11. Samuel makes a catch in traffic, then gets 15 more because of a facemask before he caught it. Now they're trying to figure out how much penalty yardage to add. It should be 15 yards, since it was before the catch. That took entirely too long.




D.J. Moore gets 8 on third and 10. Bucs call their second straight time out, seeing something they don't like. That's a penalty, and it makes it 4th and less than a yard now. Why is Cam lined up as a tight end? Direct snap to McCaffrey, who goes left and gets knocked out of bounds... short! Bucs take over! This is being reviewed but there's nothing here that'll change this.




Call stands. The Bucs can't sit on this with 1:22 still left. Oh, they actually can. My bad. (Buccaneers 20, Panthers 14)

Signal Finder: DAL @ WSH, BUF @ NYG, AZ @ BAL (end), SEA @ PIT (end), MIN @ GB (end), NO @ LAR

Antonio Brown shouldn't be playing. There, I said it. Tom Brady's somehow 7-9 in Miami but losing this game would be the worst loss of his career. This is bad comedy. The Patriots are not calling off the dogs here.




And that's why he shouldn't have played. Especially on the road. (Patriots 43, Dolphins 0)

DRC's still in the league? Washington must have just signed him because he wasn't with them last week. They're already riddled with injuries again this season. Zeke breaks through the line for a big gain. Bad throw by Dak gets intercepted. Peterson catches a pass on 3rd and 2 for a first down, but gets stopped at the Cowboys 1. Second quarter starts with him scoring. Dak scrambles to get the Cowboys out of their own end. Devin Smith outruns Josh Norman, and Dak finds him off of play action for a touchdown. CLANG and the extra point is good. Burkhardt reminds us (because we'd forgotten) that Smith was a Jet and has fought knee injuries in the last two seasons. He also points out that the safety who isn't Landon Collins also failed to help last week on one of Desean Jackson's touchdowns. Dak takes off on a keeper and gets 42 (and probably would have scored if Gallup had been able to block Norman.) Rookie mistake by Montez Sweat and he gets caught roughing Prescott, giving the Cowboys first and goal inside the 5. Another Washington penalty brings  anew set of downs. Touchdown Witten. Is this Cooper's first catch today? Touchdown Cooper after a Potato (Norman? No, on replay) makes a play on the ball but whiffs. 21-7 Cowboys. Fourth and seven and the offense is still out there. Keenum finds Quinn for nine. Richardson finds space inside and dives into the end zone. Cowboys run a jet sweep with Cobb, which the Packers did a fair amount of. DRC is back but Charles Davis points out that he's hobbled. Tony Pollard, Elliott's backup, runs to the Washington 3. He takes the next carry into the end zone untouched, but offensive holding will bring it back. Defense holds on to force a field goal attempt. It's good. Flag? Offsides. Declined. Xavier Woods juggles an interception and ends up dropping it. Fourth and 3 and Washington goes for it, but has to burn a time out before the play clock expired. It does... not work. Cowboys driving and burning clock. Touchdown Elliott. The defense was supposed to be Washington's better unit, and it's given up 63 points in two games. (Cowboys 31, Redskins 21)





Sadly, this was the highlight. (Colts 19, Titans 17)

Giants' second play is a jet sweep by Bennie Fowler, the other starting wide receiver since Shepard's out with a concussion that's being investigated. Giants' fifth play is a 27-yard touchdown run by Barkley. He got three of the five touched on that drive. It just occurred to me what Gumbel was walking about earlier — the Bills played here LAST week. Bills go three and out. Josh Allen hits a wipe-open guy after a hard sell on a play fake. Allen rolls right heading for the corner of the end zone... and he gets there. Giants with no passing yards through the first quarter. Touchdown Devin Singletary and that was EASY. That's a fantastic special teams play to pin the Bills at their own 1. Fifty-one yards to Cole Beasley. That is suboptimal. Isaiah McKenzie scores and the Bills just went 98 yards on the Giants. Dear God.




Giants being methodical on this drive, which doesn't really seem like the best strategy down two touchdowns, but it's working so far. Field goal is... no good! Bills haven't had a 300-yard passer in 34 games. Allen's at 210 already. Giants LEAP offsides. Now we got an altercation after a Giants defender drives Allen to the turf. Allen is flagged for grounding, then a teammate is penalized for coming to his defense. Giants get a big and much-needed punt return from someone named T.J. Jones. Eli's pass is defected and intercepted! Bills' top pick Ed Oliver knocked it down. Bills content to go into halftime up 21-7. The NFL Today crew touches on whether it's Daniel Jones time. Phil Simms says no. Did Allen fumble on this sack? The Giants want to challenge this, but Allen's forward progress was stopped, the refs say. Trent Green is against the Giants making a quarterback change, as it's only a two-touchdown game. Also, a new quarterback isn't gonna make that defense any better. CBS plays "Green Onions" into a commercial break. Allen throws it behind a wide-open Zay Jones, showing that questionable accuracy that should have concerned more college evaluators. Then he gets sacked. Fowler and Core as the main receivers was not in the Giants' plan. More Barkley, please. Touchdown Giants. Now Latimer's out with a concussion. Allen's mobility bought him time to find John Brown for a first down. Big penalty on Giants rookie Dexter Lawrence on a made field goal (this is probably his first time on special teams since high school at the latest), which gives the Bills first and goal at the Giants' 2. Touchdown FRANK GORE. Eli having problems. First he badly overthrows Fowler on a deep ball, then he throws what should have been an interception to Tremaine Edmunds. This Singletary graphic has him wearing No. 40. He wears No. 26.




(Bills 28, Giants 14)



Imagine a mediocre college coach with a career losing record wouldn't look good in his first couple of NFL games. IMAGINE. False start on the Cardinals. Someone named Brandon Gaudin is calling this game, along with... Cris Carter? Murray throws up a wounded duck on third down with two receivers in the area, and somehow neither man had a chance to catch it. MARQUIS IS THE SUPERIOR BROWN. Jackson dropped that right into his basket. Game. Oh, and look at the final margin of victory. (Ravens 23, Cardinals 17)



Wait, why'd we get switched out of Cardinals-Ravens to this game? Is there less time left? Offensive holding is not what the Seahawks needed. Wilson is forced out of the pocket on 3rd and 16 and slides... about a yard and a half short. Seahawks call time out out of the two-minute warning for... some reason. Handoff to Carson (who had a costly fumble earlier in this quarter), who gets two yards. Seahawks will get away with one, and the Steelers have... concerns. (Seahawks 28, Steelers 26)


Eighty-four. Million. Guaranteed. And some of that awful pick is on whoever called a pass play on first and goal from the 5 when your running game's been saving you the whole time. Cousins doesn't have a Hail Mary arm. (Packers 21, Vikings 16)


Absolutely terrible interception by Flacco. Two-point conversion is... good! What? Delay of game? Now the Broncos kick it to tie it. NO GOOD. Wait, what? The Bears were offside? Now the Broncos go for two again. Sanders!!



How is that roughing the passer? That's LUDICROUS. Why throw short there? You don't have time. Wait, WHAT? They ruled Robinson DID call time out in time? Wow. Oh, TRUBISKY called the time out. Piniero from 54. IT'S GOOD!



(Bears 16, Broncos 14)


Plenty of good seats still available. It's pretty loud, though. Also hot, Buck says as he hopes the clouds don't break. Saints get the ball first. That interception was an actual car crash — Eric Weddle leveled Jared Cook, knocking the ball loose, and John Johnson ended up with it. Buck reminds us he's the one who had the overtime interception in last year's NFC title game. Demarrio Davis eats up Gurley. Goff goes DEEP to Cooks, who catches it. Well done on both ends. Some odd play calling inside the Saints' 10 ends up with the Rams kicking a field goal. I swear, Aaron Donald folded space to get into the backfield. Brees gets hit on the hand, and he's getting taped up on the sideline as the Rams take over. Cameron Jordan fights through and gets to Goff. I don't need Johnny Hekker's ass in my face, Fox. Bridgewater is in. Brees isn't even trying to throw on the sideline, Erin says. Again, Donald flies through the line to wreck Kamara. Flags and bad plays hurting the Saints here. Aikman spotted an illegal crackback block. Third and 28 and Bridgewater just gives up. Bridgewater's been much better on this drive than the last one. Thomas didn't help him there, though. Field goal is good and we're tied at 3. The new stadium has a name — SoFi, an online personal finance company. Goff's made some good throws on this drive. That's an easy pass interference call on Eli Apple, who just isn't good. Illegal block negates a beautifully-run Woods touchdown. Goff... fumbles? Jordan picks it up and is off to the races, but it's blown dead. It's ruled an incomplete pass, which is what I thought it was. Let's see. That's... very close. I'm not sure this can be challenged.



It's ruled a fumble, but Jordan would have scored if the whistle hadn't blown. Speaking of blown, the refs did it to the Saints AGAIN. This is some Pac-12 shit. Sack is canceled out by a face mask penalty. Buck points out that the Brees injury also takes Taysom Hill out of the game, since he'd have to play quarterback if something happens to Bridgewater. Two plays later, Hill is in and catches a pass on third down that's short of the line. Kamara carries and I don't think he got it. Chains are out. NOPE. Gurley with his best run of the season. I'm a few minutes out from this but I think I hate the new SmackDown logo. Call time out, McVay! Field goal is good. 6-3 at the half and we all know it should be more, on both sides. After the Rams do nothing of note, Bridgewater comes out to start the second half.Lutz ties it at 6. Another big play from Woods and this one counts. Gurley converts 3rd and 1. Gerald Everett fights for 11 yards after a catch. Gurley goes left and gets to the pylon! Bridgewater sacked back-to-back. That's a good punt return, maybe the Rams' one weakness the last couple of years. Give him his helmet back! Gurley's backup Malcolm Brown making moves. Touchdown Cooks! Ta'Quan Smith almost had a touchdown, breaking two tackles and going for 28. You can tell Bridgewater's rusty — he missed those last two passes pretty badly and the Saints have to settle for three. The Saints can't tackle Cooper Kupp. That's not a touchdown? Disappointing. Goff sneaks it. The Saints shouldn't (I want to say "won't", but we all know they will) dwell on getting jobbed out of a touchdown here — they have bigger problems at the moment. (Rams 27, Saints 9)

Roof is OPEN for... some reason. Falcons get the ball first. Ryan hitting his guys early. Graham comes unblocked and stuffs Freeman. Matt Bryant back. 3-0 Falcons early. Bryant's kicking off for the first time in 10 years, and I'm wondering who's gonna punt. Imagine feeling like you need to hold Mack Hollins. That flag is followed by a false start. Agholor should have caught that. Hollins was drafted in part because of his special-teams ability, and he just downed that punt at the Falcons' 1. Falcons challenge this Douglas play on Julio Jones as pass interference and lose it. Bosher's still going to punt, but not kick off. Falcons call time out, giving them one with 1:14 left in the first quarter. Good job, Quinn. Wentz gets blitzed, escapes a sack, but throws an interception. He took a clean shot after the throw and grabbed his chest. Jackson's already in the medical tent.





Good play in the air by McLeod to break up a pass to Jones. Short punt ends up in Eagles territory. That's kind of cool, that monument to Hank Aaron's 715th home run in the parking lot where the old Georgia Dome was. Wentz comes back out. Ertz rolls for an extra yard but he needed two extra yards. Agholor catches that one. Nobody open on third down. NOBODY. That quad window was well done. Field goal is good. Jones makes a leaping sideline catch. Does he? They say he is, and replay shows he is. Falcons get the next play off and save the Eagles from losing a challenge. Taylor McGary limping. Ryan overthrows two open guys in the end zone on consecutive plays. Field goal is partially blocked? Nope, Bryant just mishit it. Wentz immediately throws another interception and I have no idea what happened there. Ryan finds Ridley this time for a touchdown. Wentz and Darby notably not playing well so far.



Wentz almost threw a third interception. The saving grace so far has been that the Falcons' receivers are getting practically no yards after the catch. Eagles get a stop and now Josh McCown's in. Ertz slips, wants a flag, but doesn't get it. McCown's also a bit rusty, but he finally hits Ertz on target.



McCown throws one too high for Agholor, who walks off as Wentz comes back in. Shouldn't all these dudes be getting treatment? Elliott hits from 41. 10-6 Falcons at halftime. Clement fumbles the second-half kickoff and now HE'S holding his shoulder. Shovel pass to Freeman gets 29 yards inside the 5. They roll out Ryan? Touchdown Jones! Wentz cleared concussion protocol, but Agholor is currently in it.



Fucking Killing Fields down there. Agholor back out as Hollins makes a catch for a first down. This is about the fourth holding call the Falcons have had on a punt return tonight. Check out Al's poor Keith Jackson impression of Keith Jackson saying "Keith Jackson." Or don't, preferably. Eagles bring a safety blitz and Darby — who's been used and abused all night — picks him off! Wentz escapes pressure again but can only get it to Hollins at the 5. Pederson going for it while really shorthanded, as Cris points out. Touchdown Agholor! Now they line up to go for two, again, really shorthanded. Wentz keeps it (?!) and converts... but it's reviewed and his knee was down. No good.



And if he did "give himself up", why wasn't a flag thrown for hitting a downed quarterback? Stocker fumbles a pass but Sanu comes flying in and beats Bradham to the loose ball. Wow. Big run by Ito Smith, who puts a move on McLeod to get eight more yards at the end. Nathan Gerry intercepts Ryan in the end zone! A personal foul will put the ball at the 10 but that's huge, since I don't think there will be more than one more scoring play in this game. They called that a sack? THAT'S a sack. (Sendejo on Ryan.) Schwartz hasn't called this many blitzes in a month's time. Yeah, that's a hold. Agholor gets a lot of air to make that catch. Wentz escapes again, BARELY, and somehow Hollins didn't let that hit the turf. He got that off JUST before his knee hit the turf. Wentz sneak gives the Eagles first and goal at the 1. They sneak it again and Wentz scores! There's a flag, but it's called offsides. They'll go for two here after this time out. Pass to Ertz is good. 20-17 with 3:14 left. Cris notes that recent Eagles-Falcons scores have been around this.  Ryan throws incomplete on 3rd and 3. Falcons going for it from their own 47. JONES. TOUCHDOWN. 24-20 Falcons with 2:10 left. Jake Matthews leveled Maddox with a block, and Andrew Sendejo doesn't run down Julio Jones in any universe. Agholor drops a possible touchdown. Sproles gets out of bounds on 3rd and 2. Wentz misses Ertz, who takes a shot afterward but comes back in after the Eagles use a time out. Wentz gets sacked, and the offensive line hasn't had a great night. Fourth and 14. AGHOLOR! Inside the 20! And now a bunch of people are down and hurt. Peters, Ricardo Allen, Keanu Neal's either hurt or sitting there in disbelief. 1:11 left. Andre Dillard replaces Peters for one play. Eagles out of time outs. Wentz throws too high on 3rd and 8. Wentz goes to Ertz, and this is going to be close. I think it's short. It is.



(Falcons 24, Eagles 20)


This was actually the first Monday Night Football game. Sam Darnold has MONO, of all things. That somehow seems uniquely Jets. Hank is solo again this year, for those who keep track of such things. The Jets are already on their fourth kicker since the start of camp. The new guy is ex-Penn Stater Sam Ficken, who filled in with the Rams for a bit last year. Browns will get the ball first, though. Two Chubb runs, then a 27-yard pass play to his backup Johnson (not Duke). BECKHAM. Was that in the same spot? Jets stand at the goal line and force a field goal. Trevor Siemian is the Jets' new starter, and he immediately gets sacked by Myles Garrett, who the Jets didn't bother to block. Second Browns drive ends with a second field goal after Mayfield badly overthrows Beckham on third down.  That LEGO ad was twice as long as it needed to be. Jamal Adams puts a serious hit on Beckham on third down. Has Bell touched the ball yet? Garrett came a bit early and hit Siemian a bit late (and was flagged for both.) Offensive holding takes away a 31-yard Robby Anderson catch. Jets offense can't do anything. Mayfield finds Beckham in the middle of the zone for 29 yards. The Jets have a "Basham"? Browns throw short for some reason. Now they're gong for it on 4th and about 2 from the Jets 24. Pass is incomplete but the Jets get caught holding. Touchdown Nick Chubb.



There's Bell with an 8-yard run. Siemian gets pressured and throws up a floater that luckily isn't intercepted. He gets planted by Garrett and he's not getting up.



He walked off during the commercial break. Luke Falk is in. Two strong runs by Bell. Make that four. Why weren't they doing that the whole time? Ty Montgomery's now a Jet, but still wearing No. 88. Ficken is in to try the field goal. It's GOOD to a big pop. The Jets have brought a lot of pressure to Mayfield, who's only six feet tall, and he's had a few passes knocked down tonight. The Browns run Johnson on 3rd and 10 and get seven. OK. Sure. Amazing that Josh Bellamy dropped that. That was the best throw from a Jets quarterback all game.



The Browns get the ball back and take a shot into the end zone. It falls incomplete. Landry converts a 3rd and 20 and the Browns spike it. Austin Seibert's kick is good from 43 and it's 16-3 at halftime.



The Browns' offensive line is their biggest weakness by far. I don't know why teams try to draw the defense offsides on fourth and short situations instead of committing to either going for it or punting. It works so rarely. Garrett is destroying whoever the Jets put in front of him. This leads to footage of Garrett training with Stipe Miocic, the new (2-time) UFC heavyweight champion and a Cleveland guy himself.



Anderson with the Jets' first big play of the night. Then he converts a 3rd and 5. Falk overthrows Anderson in the end zone. Jets go for it on 4th and 2. Give it to Bell, please. They do, but the play took too long to develop and the Browns stop him. First Browns play? 89 yards to Beckham. Touchdown. BLOCK MYLES GARRETT. Bell reverses field and fights for about 10 yards. Jets go for it on fourth down again and come up short. I wouldn't have hated it if Gase challenged this spot, even though I hate challenging spots. Jets get a pick off a tipped pass! The Dolphins just traded their No. 1 pick from last season.



The pass goes off Bell's hands and the Browns come up with it.



Somehow they have footage of Booger sacking Browns coach Freddie Kitchens in college (he was a quarterback at Alabama during the dark times.) The Jets have the fewest of their own drafted players of any team this year, and over half the roster is new. That matters. (Browns 23, Jets 3)
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