Thursday, September 27, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: Here's To You

Is tonight the night? Is it? IS IT? Stop jacking my act, Buck.




No more Josh Gordon, who was traded to the Patriots on Monday. Three and out for the Browns. Bilal Powell eats a spinebuster. Taylor finds a hole and scrambles for about 22. Flea-flicker attempt is blown up by Jamal Adams. That could have been pass interference on the Jets. Punt pins the Jets at their own 1.




Someone tell ESPN Fox just stole their college football song. These are not good offensive lines. Darron Lee just walked into Taylor. Punt is BLOCKED. Again, Nick Chubb caught out of pocket on special teams as Aikman points that very thing out (that Chubb likely has only three games of experience on special teams, and it's the three games he's played as a Cleveland Brown). Jets' ball at the Browns' 29. Darnold to Enunwa for 16. He's 230 pounds? Whoa.




First quarter ends scoreless, and the second quarter begins with ex-Brown Isaiah Crowell strolling into the end zone. Footage of the first-ever Monday Night Football game, which involved these two teams. (Browns won 31-21.) Oh WOW. That pass floated on Taylor and Calloway had to come back for it, and Trumaine Johnson tipped it away at the last moment. The Browns can't protect Taylor — they'd be foolish to put Baker Mayfield out there with that in front of him. Buck and Aikman talking up Browns linebacker Joe Schobert. Darnold to Enunwa for 16 again, and he gets tackled by falling over two of his blockers. Crowell with two more carries, the second into the end zone. He seems... bitter.




Fans are getting impatient with Taylor. Someone on the Jets did something stupid, giving the Browns a free first down. Taylor hits Jarvis Landry underneath, and he stretches out to make the catch, then stretches again to get the first down. Hyde bursts across midfield for a first down. Good Morning Football plug. (Love me some Kay Adams.) Aikman wonders what happened to the Schrager-bombs. Browns fans love Duke Johnson. Clear miscommunication between Taylor and Landry somehow leads to intentional grounding. Then a sack knocks the Browns out of field goal range. "Baker" chant getting louder.




Buck: "Let's talk about Cleveland sports championship teams." Me: "This shouldn't take long." Back from commercial and Mayfield's on the phone with somebody. And a minute or so later, Kristina Pink reports that Taylor's in the medical tent. Jets run it on 3rd and 14 from their own 1. Taylor walking to the locker room as the Jets punt. Here's Mayfield to cheers. Hits Landry on his first throw for 14 yards. Is that a catch, too? It is! Then he fumbles, but a lineman picks it up and advances it (that last part's illegal, but the Browns will keep it.) Browns' new kicker Greg Joseph slices it back through the left upright.




The ensuing kickoff then goes out of bounds. Still the Browns, everyone! 14-3 Jets at halftime. Taylor's concussed and won't return... maybe ever. Mayfield already 4-for-5. He finds tight end David Njoku for a first down. Drive stalls. Darnold completes a pass to Anderson, but Denzel Ward forces a fumble! Browns ball!




One of the many problems the Browns have had over the years is a defense that can't get turnovers. They've recovered six fumbles already. This return puts the ball at the Jets' 8. NO TOUCHDOWN. Joseph's field goal again just clears the left upright. GREAT catch by Landry at the 1. Touchdown Hyde. Browns go for two but it falls apart, and actually ends with the Jets getting the ball. Offsetting penalties give them another shot. Direct snap to Hyde, flip to Landry, who passes to Mayfield! Aikman: "Is that Cleveland Cleveland?"




The Browns are in a tie game. That's not an omen at all. Jets responding. Darnold come sup short on 3rd and 12. Field goal is good. Buck and Aikman talking about Gordon, with Aikman saying that he just ran out of chances. Duke Johnson picks up a first down but fumbles at the end of the play — fortunately the Browns recover. Callaway!




Hyde touchdown is called back by holding. This Avery Williamson dude is all over the place tonight. He's a former Tennessee Titan, which is why you've never heard of him before this game. Toss to Landry fails. Touchdown Hyde! 2:04 left!




Like Troy, I'm also surprised the Jets aren't punting here with three time outs and 1:48 left. Caught by Jermaine Kearse! INTERCEPTED!! Browns punt after the Jets burn their timeouts. 56 seconds. Terrelle Pryor's on the Jets now? Darnold throws into triple coverage and GET THE MASTER KEYS, BABY.







Are those PEOPLE in the streets? (Browns 21, Jets 17)

Signal Finder: IND @ PHI, LAC @ LAR, NO @ ATL (end), DAL @ SEA, CHI @ AZ (end)

There's a Union home game (well, down 95 in Chester) going on at the same time, which seems rare. Weather's pretty crappy. The center ending up with the ball on 3rd and 7 usually doesn't end well, and it didn't here. Clement back on punt returns, and he probably should have fair caught that. Wentz makes his final warmup tosses and jogs onto the field to cheers. First pass is off target, but his second is complete to Ertz. First down run by Smallwood (no Ajayi or Sproles, and Clement's banged up also). Eagles are driving and have 1st and 10 at the Colts' 14. Clement with the carry. Goedert WIDE open for the touchdown.




Eagles force a punt, which Clement drops, but recovers. Eagles not wasting any time putting the ball in Wentz's hands. They're also using their tight ends a ton early on. That should have been on the defense, not Peters. The pocket breaks down, but Wentz scrambles around and finds time, then Ertz, then he gets roughed. Elliott is wide left from 55. Colts take advantage of good field position and are already in the red zone. Three Eagles had a shot at that pass but none come up with it.




Ryan Grant with a nice catch in the corner of the end zone for a touchdown. Luck turns the corner on 3rd and 9 and gets the first down after getting a block on a pursuer. That was the Colts' longest play this season at 33 yards. Corey Graham knocks down a third-down pass. More than a few cross-scheduled interconference games this week. Josh Adams getting some run in the second quarter. That's the first catch by an Eagles wideout. Welcome back, Jordan Matthews. Smallwood gets open down the field and catches it inside the 10. (He scores if Wentz hits him in stride.) No one open, and Elliott hits from 33. Luck gets sacked and the Colts have to punt. Wentz dives out of bounds for the first down... and gets it! He looks fine to me. Can we really use the term "vintage" to describe a third-year guy? Time runs out on the first half. 10-7 Eagles. Union goal! McLeod closes on Hilton and breaks up a pass. Colts going for it on 4th and 2 from the Eagles' 28, and they GET it. Viniatieri tucks it in on the right upright and we're tied. Bad read by Wentz leads to an interception. Viniatieri cashes in in the same spot and it's 13-10. The Eagles have had success running the ball, which has helped Wentz. Elliott hits from 24 and it's tied at 13. Running Into The Kicker on D.J. Alexander (and he knew it) leads to a 4th and VERY short. From their own 35 in a tie game, Reich's lining up to go for it — but they do that thing where they try to get the defense to jump. The Eagles don't bite and the Colts punt again. Clement's struggled fielding punts today. Wentz fumbles and the Colts have it. They turn it into another field goal. They must have announced the wrong player on that holding call. How does a running back with the ball commit a hold? Lot of penalties in this game. That one gave the Eagles a first down after 2nd and 26. 6:30 left and the Eagles go for it on 4th and 5, but it's incomplete. But defensive holding gives them a first down. The Colts have been getting to Wentz a lot more in the second half, but this time Wentz find Agholor and he dives for a first down. More penalties. Touchdown Smallwood! Wentz 8-for-8 passing on that drive. PI on Mills.




Luck overthrows Hilton in the end zone on 3rd and 3 from the Eagles' 7. We've sure been HERE before. SACK! Barnett got him. Two flags on the Colts on that punt and they're buried now. Colts running a lot of quick outs. Brissett in at quarterback with five seconds left. Hail Mary time. Incomplete. (Eagles 20, Colts 16)







This is officially ridiculous. And then this happened:




(Redskins 31, Packers 17; Dolphins 28, Raiders 20)




All those touchdowns and Brees RUNNING for one might extend this game? Come on, man. You can't let Drew Brees juke you like that. He set the all-time completions record earlier. Overtime it is. Saints win the toss and receive. Taysom Hill's still on the Saints, and he's returning this kickoff.
Brees with the sneak! Touchdown! (Saints 43, Falcons 37, OT)




Seriously, did we just witness the ultimate trap game? (Bills 27, Vikings 6)

Keenan Allen can't drop that pass. Big run by Gurley, who finishes off the drive in the end zone. Nice run by Melvin Gordon. Mike Williams lays out and holds on for the touchdown! Extra point is MISSED. That's ex-Eagle Caleb Sturgis, and this wasn't supposed to be an issue anymore.
Touchdown Woods. It doesn't feel like they move as fast as they do on offense. Chargers rookie Derwin James with an interception in the end zone. BLOCKED. PUNT. TOUCHDOWN. RAMS. Hey, good to see Sam Shields playing again after missing a couple of years with concussions. Meanwhile, Marcus Peters, who went down for a moment on the Williams touchdown, is being carted off with what they fear is an Achilles tendon injury. New Rams kicker Sam Ficken misses from 46 to end the half. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. And the Rams cash in almost immediately as Goff finds Kupp for 53 yards. Chargers keep pace as Rivers hits Williams for a 20-yard score. Another big run by Gurley. Cooks takes a hit but holds on. Touchdown Woods! Now Talib's out for the Rams. That's both cornerbacks. ANTONIO GATES LIVES. Who gave the Giants a late game? I might have gone for it if I'm the Chargers. They can't stop this offense. 35-23 after the field goal. Round 1 goes to the landlords. (Rams 35, Chargers 23)

Tyrone Crawford gets hit with the new Rodgers Rule. That's closer to what they're after than anything Clay Matthews has done, for the record. Nice run by Chris Carson.



This a fumble or an interception? That ball never ht the ground. Nice work, Earl. Why didn't they give him the return yardage? I missed it. Unless they said his other knee was down when he caught it.
That's somehow not running into the kicker. Neither offense doing much of anything. Seahawks finally starting to heat up a bit. Carson with some nice runs, than that big one inside the red zone. Wilson with a bullet to ex-Cardinal Jaron Brown for the touchdown. Prescott finds a strangely wide-open Beasley for a first down. The Seahawks' young defensive backs are every bit as chippy as the veterans they've replaced. Somehow Elliott gets free down the sideline and... scores? Nope, he was out of bounds before he caught it. 50-yard field goal is good. Tyler Lockett just toasted somebody for a 52-yard touchdown.




Screen to Elliott takes too long and doesn't yield much. Recap of Earl Thomas telling Jason Garrett to come get him. Seahawks hurrying up. Janikowski from 47. Good. 17-3 at halftime. Cowboys finally get to Wilson. Maher on for 35 for the Cowboys. Good. Rashard Penny fumbles, but recovers it. Oh, Brandon Marshall's a Seahawk now. Touchdown Carson. Elliott fumbles! Nice work. Is Terrence Williams still even on the Cowboys? Dak flips to Tavon Austin for the touchdown. Buck's not a fan of that roughing call. Prescott throws into coverage and, after some juggling, Thomas comes up with the interception. No idea what Prescott was seeing. (Seahawks 24, Cowboys 13)




But why? Than Mack jumps offsides to keep the Cardinals in it. Rosen scrambles for 12 and a first down, somehow getting out of bounds also. Sack ends it. (Bears 16, Cardinals 14)

So there's a report that the Lions were talking about trading for Gronkowski and he thought about retiring as a result? WHAT? Patriots take the opening kickoff, which just seems like a dumb move. This is the one thing Patterson can do. Three and out! That's a win for this defense. No Golden Tate to start? What? Also, we've got a McCourty reunion I was unaware of. Stafford operating with time. Field goal is good.




No Josh Gordon tonight because he just got here. Kerryon Johnson with some shifty moves the likes of which this building hasn't seen in decades. (Actually, I don't think Barry ever played in this building.) Lions making moves. They're challenging this Golladay play and saying it's a touchdown. Patricia gunned that challenge flag — it landed at about the 5. That's a touchdown, yo. ANOTHER three-and-out for the Pats.




The Lions are jacked tonight. Flea-flicker! It fails, but the Lions draw pass interference. Stafford escapes a sack and finds Riddick for a nice gain. He throws too high for Jones and it's kicker time.




13-0. Brady urging on his compatriots. "One drive!" he's saying. Hey, some progress. The Lions stuff Sony Michel, forcing a field goal. It's good and it's 13-3. Stafford opens the second half with an interception. Not good. Patriots driving. There's Gronk. James White with the touchdown catch on a tough throw by Brady. Jones beats Gilmore for a touchdown! Patriots get stopped again. This Patriots defense looks like the one Matt Patricia left after the Super Bowl. Field goal is good. 23-10 Lions. Brady gets flagged for grounding on a 50-yard heave downfield to nobody. Great coverage by the Lions here, including doubling Gronk, who I think only has one catch tonight.




Blount time. Brady throws deep, but it ends up in double coverage and is intercepted! Stop the presses! THE LIONS HAVE A 100-YARD RUSHER! Big ups to Kerryon Johnson. Cris shouts out the Lions' offensive line. Pats forced to go for 4th and 12. They don't make it. Field goal should cap this off. Holy hell.




Now, I will remind you, Josh McDaniels beat down Bill Belichick the first time they squared off, too. We know how that ended for him. (Lions 26, Patriots 10)

You put this game in Week 3 before things go pear-shaped for the Buccaneers. And yet they're 2-0. Nobody knows anything. Steelers get the ball first and go three-and-out. Joe Haden gets physical and breaks up a third-down attempt to Chris Godwin. Roethlisberger runs around for a bit but gets intercepted. Fitzpatrick just cut the Steelers up. Touchdown Cameron Brate. Wait, the Bucs have two Harvard Men? Steelers back at it. Vance McDonald is uncovered, throws Chris Conte to the ground, and rumbles (yes, that's a rumble) 75 yards for a touchdown.




Extra point MISSES. Dungy going into the Bucs' Ring of Honor tonight. Is Gruden in it? Serious question. O.J. Howard breaks a tackle for a first down on 3rd and 9. Nice one-handed catch by Brate.




Booger talks the Steelers' linebackers struggles and reminds us that Ryan Shazier's not playing anymore. Roethlisberger takes a hit while launching a rocket to Juju at midfield. This pass is WAY too far, and a Bucs defender runs straight into the back wall past the end zone. I'm legitimately surprised that doesn't happen more often. Boswell's field goal gives the Steelers the lead. Artie Burns forces a fumble with his helmet and the Steelers recover. Brown makes one guy miss and that's that. 16-7 Steelers. Fitzpatrick gets rushed and throws it to a tightly covered Godwin, who still catches it. Nice. Pass tipped and intercepted by Mike Hilton, who also recovered the fumble earlier. Letter of the law, you can't hit the quarterback in the head. This leads to a discussion on the new hitting the quarterback rules. What they're asking these guys to do is physically not possible. Booger just said it. They fixed the catch rule. They can fix this. Now Lisa Salters is talking with Tony Dungy, who really does deserve more credit for bringing Black coaches into the league. Another roughing the passer, this time on the Steelers. Fitzpatrick airmails a pick to rookie Tremaine Edmunds. Witten notices that Mike Evans pulled up on his route. Fitzmagic is always finite. Bucs defense holds, but they get pinned inside their own 5. PICK-SIX FOR BUD DUPREE. How the hell did Evans catch this? Especially while being held for the entire second half of that route? 51 yards!




Godwin drops a touchdown in the end zone. Buccaneers settle for three. Wait, hold up. Arena League legend Eddie Brown is Antonio's father? That man was a BEAST. Suddenly it's first and goal for the Steelers. Schuster may have actually done well to drop that pass, as he wasn't getting into the end zone. DPI in the end zone. Roethlisberger hits Ryan Switzer in the corner of the end zone. 30-10 Steelers at the half. Wait, hold up: Steph Curry's been in the NBA for 10 years? What? The hell just happened? Godwin made the catch and the Steelers stopped COLD. He walked into the end zone. Was he touched? They review it and say he was. He comes back with another big catch-and-run, though. Fitzpatrick gets victimized by a coverage sack, then gets lucky that he wasn't picked again on third down. Field goal is good but seems like settling. Boswell misses AGAIN. So. Many. Penalties. Touchdown Godwin! He worked the back of the end zone and got open enough for Fitz. 30-20 with 12 minutes left. Steelers punt to DeSean, who takes it to about the Steelers 3... but an illegal block cancels it all out. How about showing that?




Touchdown Evans! Are the Steelers gonna blow this? Good Lord.




Conner with a 27-yard run. Lot of big plays tonight. What is Heyward-Bey angry about? He just cots this team a first down with that foolishness. Punt goes into the end zone. Switzer should have let that punt go — it might have reached the end zone on the bounce. Can't get sacked, Ben. And he doesn't! He sidearms one to Juju for 19 yards. Conner runs for another first down. I think I'm on Le'Veon Bell's side in his contract issues with the Steelers (being pro-management in this situation has become weird to me), but the Steelers may not actually need him. We're at the 2-minute warning. No more time outs for the Bucs. It's over. (Steelers 30, Buccaneers 27)
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Friday, September 21, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: Down To The Ground

Wait, the main FOX crew's doing the NFL Network games too? Jeez. Talk about slumming it. Man, the Ravens completely overhauled their wide receivers. All three guys are new. Green can't handle that one. Both teams exchange punts, with the Ravens fumbling their return but getting it back. Flacco IMMEDIATELY gets intercepted. Pass into the end zone gets deflected and... intercepted? Incomplete. Referees discuss it and change it to an interception by Weddle. Now they can review it and this is getting overturned — Weddle's left foot was out of bounds. It's overturned. The Ravens' C.J. Mosley being carted off. Ravens get called for DPI in the end zone. Dalton rolls out and finds Green for the touchdown. Lamar Jackson in at receiver, and Flacco goes to Crabtree for a first down. Is this intentional grounding? Refs say Flacco's forward progress was stopped before his throw, so it's a sack. Buck seems skeptical of that reasoning.







Dalton finds Green in traffic,and Green gets out of traffic and scores after breaking a tackle. 14-0 Bengals. Bengals driving AGAIN. Penalty on 3rd and 13 keeps the drive going. Green AGAIN!! And it's not like the Ravens aren't covering him. He's just been that good.





The Bengals have scored 45 straight points going back to Sunday. Jackson back in, this time at quarterback, but Sam Hubbard just blew up whatever the Ravens may have been planning there. John Brown makes a big catch in traffic (he's not as large as Green) for a 45-yard gain. Pass interference in the end zone gives the Ravens the ball at the 1. Buck Allen scores. Apparently Collinsworth trolled Aikman by telling him he'd be relaxing at home watching this game tonight. Dalton finds Tyler Boyd down the sideline for 21. Boyd again on third down. And this time it's Boyd for the touchdown. Ravens in four-down territory at the 2-minute warning. THE FIRST ONE. Ravens hold and the Bengals have to punt. Flacco airmails it for Brown, but Dre Kirkpatrick bumps him slightly (Incidental contact; no reason to throw a flag) and drops an interception. Then he gets flagged for pass interference and it's Ravens ball at the 1. Alex Collins gets stuffed on first down. This time Crabtree pushes off Kirkpatrick, but the Bengals called time out, so the play doesn't count. FINALLY Flacco finds rookie TE Mark Andrews for a touchdown.




Justin Tucker from 55 and the touchdown run is snapped. 28-17 Bengals. Another interception from Flacco. Things have slowed down considerably. Ravens pick up 3rd and 1 on a Flacco sneak. Touchdown John Brown! Bengals want a penalty but won't get it. Two-point conversion fails but it's still a five-point game with 9:35 left. Actually, Collinsworth is here, as the Bengals honored the 1988 Super Bowl team. Mixon back for the Bengals. First down after a penalty after an incompletion on 3rd and 2. Bengals can't make 3rd and 15, but they're at the Ravens' 11 for what should be an easy field goal. It's good, and it's 31-23. Flacco rolls out... that is a fumble. Bengals take over. Field goal makes it 34-23. 48 seconds left — the Ravens should spike it and kick the field goal right now. They spike it, but they keep running plays. Harbaugh has botched this and they won't get the ball back.  Hey, this score looks familiar. (Bengals 34, Ravens 23)

Signal Finder: KC @ PIT, PHI @ TB, MIN @ GB (end), NE @ JAX, OAK @ DEN (end)

The Chiefs force a three-and-out, so the Steelers punt it short of Tyreek Hill. But DeAnthony Thomas IS there, and he returns it for 31 yards, and then 12 more after he bobbled the ball. Travis Kelce dinged for OPI. Mahomes with a bullet to Chris Conley for the touchdown. Hey, it's Sammy Watkins. Hey, there he is again. Touchdown Kelce! Steelers driving finally. Third down pass is too high and Boswell MISSES from 49. Now an end around to Watkins, who's given them some big plays already. Mahomes to Hill for a touchdown!




21-0 and they're booing softly in Pittsburgh. Sack/fumble/Chiefs touchdown is negated by defensive holding on Orlando Scandrick, who, remarkably, is still in the league. Ben finds Juju. Steelers clicking again. Ben throws up a lob and Road Dogg catches it for a touchdown. Steelers driving again. Screen to Juju to the outside gives them first and goal. Too high for James. Juju in the corner for the touchdown. Missed extra point.




The Chiefs' offense has ground to a halt. That's kind of a ridiculous over-the-shoulder catch by James. Conner tries his best OBJ impression but lands out of bounds, but there was pass interference. Touchdown Steelers! Two-point conversion succeeds and we're tied. 21-21 at halftime. Second half starts similarly to the first — with a big play. This time it's Mahomes to Hill for 36. Mahomes to Kelce for the touchdown. Juju's just gonna run away from linebackers, guys. Is that an honest-to-goodness fullback? This is close. It's called a touchdown and I think it'll stand. Yep. Put it on the board for Conner. We're tied again. That hair is terrible. The Steelers cannot tackle Travis Kelce.




Touchdown Chiefs. Incomplete, they now say. Nah, that's a catch. Throw the flag, Andy. Call reversed. Touchdown. Mahomes just missed Watkins. The doctor gets flagged for illegal use of hands. Concerning. Hill! SIX. TOUCHDOWN. PASSES.




A safety breaks up the monotony. Chiefs fumble! Steelers have it! Big gain by James. Great pass breakup by new Chief Kendall Fuller, keeping Brown out of the end zone. Roethlisberger takes off and... SCORES? Yes! Extra point is good. Chiefs running clock successfully. Steelers force a punt on 4th and 6... and run into the punter. (Chiefs 42, Steelers 37)

It is HOT. SON OF A GOD DAMN BITCH.




I fucking hate him. I always have. Eagles follow up with a three-and-out on offense. That's a good punt. Ryan Fitzpatrick protects the football? What?? 43-yard punt return by Clement nullified by a penalty. Ajayi out with a back injury. Two straight first downs for the Eagles. Then two straight penalties, and three on the last four plays. 2nd and 40! That ended how you imagine it did. Now the Bucs face a 3rd and 21, and that also ended how you imagine it did. Foles scrambles for a first down. Foles loses the ball, and it's ruled a fumble and the Bucs recover. That's close, but I think it stands. Confirmed. Well then. The Eagles get it back two plays later off of a deflection! JPP with the sack. Punt lands right on the goal line. Mike Evans with a straight-up drop. The Bucs haven't done much offensively since that first play. Ertz with a first down catch. Pass interference on Chris Conte, who is bad. Josh Perkins gets a catch? Feels like the Eagles are throwing too much on this drive. Agholor gets spun around and comes up short on 3rd and 7, it looks like. Length of the football. Pederson's going for it. Foles sneak gets it. Ertz was open on that first-down breakdown. Touchdown Clement! O.J. Howard for a 75-yard touchdown!




He caught six passes in his entire career at Alabama, only in bowl games, and they were ALL like this. (I'm exaggerating. Sort of.) He got help from a great block by Chris Godwin on Jenkins. Extra point is MISSED. Bucs actually driving this time. Eagles forget to cover Godwin and he's wide open for a touchdown. 20-7. Foles finds Ertz down the sideline. Elliott CLANGS from 42. Nothing going right. Ajayi back out to start the second half. Ertz has to come back to his and he's short. Pederson going for it on 4th and 4 from the Tampa 49. Doesn't work. DeSean with a catch inside the 10. Cox walks off. Fitzpatrick finds Evans in the back of the end zone. I know FitzMagic has never been sustainable but is there a chance Jameis Winston doesn't get his job back in two weeks? This is his sixth start against the Eagles,and for his sixth team. He started the Eagles-Bengals tie? Wild.
Big pass play to Agholor. Conte's replacement stops Agholor on a reverse. Fourth and 1 from the Bucs' 5. Foles sneak again works. Touchdown Ajayi. Jenkins strips the ball from Evans and the Eagles have it. Clement takes a shot while laying out for that 4th down pass and he's slow to get up.




Agholor's gotta call for a fair catch there. Was that a catch? Eh, no matter, DPI gives the Eagles a first down. Eagles are going for it on 4th because they ran Ajayi on third. Crazy catch by Agholor in the back corner of the end zone for the touchdown, and then he hurdles a cameraman afterwards. Do you onside kick here? They do not. Hmmm. DeSean beats Mills again, and that might be it. Pitchy pitchy woo woo fails as always. Just a bad loss all around. (Buccaneers 27, Eagles 21)

Someone hit Cam and actually got flagged for it? It's a new age. (Falcons 31, Panthers 24)




WOW! Taylor put just enough on that ball and put it in just the right place for Callaway. That looked like a sure overthrow.


So. Browns. And we're in the Superdome, so you can guess how it went from here. (Saints 21, Browns 18)




Oh, no, bad Mason Crosby. Packers going to overtime because of some BS. Cook with a big run. Replay of the hit in question. Yeah, I get the rule, but that wasn't what happened there. New Vikings rookie kicker Daniel Carlson from 49. Not even CLOSE. Packers forced to punt. Thielen! Vikings grinding clock. Carlson on again. ARE YOU SERIOUS.








That's a terrible loss for the Packers. Also a Scorigami but you probably figured that. (Vikings 29, Packers 29, OT)

Wait, Donte Moncrief's on the Jaguars now? He just caught a touchdown pass. KEENAN COLE THOUGH. That's the OBJ catch but over the opposite shoulder. Corey Grant making people miss. Touchdown Cole! Eric Rowe beaten both times. 14-0. Keep putting the pressure on. Everyone on the Patriots' sideline is angry. Slow going for the Pats' offense. Hey, there's rookie Sony Michel. That's helmet-to-helmet, yeah. Field goal is good. Bortles again. Touchdown Jags! 21-3 at halftime.




Bortles to Cole for 14. Nantz points out that this is happening despite no Fournette and losing their left tackle early in the game. Cole remains uncovered. BORTLES SCRAMBLE. That elusiveness. First and goal! Somehow Bortles is third-all time in yards per rush by a quarterback, behind Vick and Bobby Douglass. There'll be no touchdown on this drive.




Gronk's been silenced. 2 catches, 8 yards? Brady overthrows Philip Dorsett, who's bad. Rookie D.J. Chark gets the ball knocked out and the Pats recover. Uh-oh.




Michel bulls through the line. Brady to Hogan for the touchdown. Jaguars can't answer. James White with a big run. Cordarrelle Patterson's on the Patriots? He just fell down after catching a pass on 3rd and 4. Field goal is good.




Bortles throws an interception off Austin Seferian-Jenkins, who's had more than his share of bad luck against the Patriots. Pats ball at the Jacksonville 25. FUMBLE. Jaguars ball! Dante Fowler does his best Brandon Graham impression. Bortles collides with Stephon Gilmore and is stopped short on 3rd and 5. Go for it, Jaguars. FALSE START. Christ. Now they gotta punt. Jags challenging the spot. This seems close... could this actually work? Overturned and short. Fourth down and the Patriots punt.




Jags jumped offsides but nobody saw it. Dede Westbrook? DEDE WESTBROOK! TOUCHDOWN! Hey, Philip Dorsett actually caught a pass. Patterson again. Touchdown to Hogan. Patriots kick it off short. Niles Paul? Really? I don't know if the Pats' defense is still that bad but Bortles has been legitimately great. The Patriots aren't gonna get the ball back, are they? NOPE. Lessons learned. Feels like the Patriots have had an early-season flop the lat few years. This lessens the pain. (Jaguars 31, Patriots 20)

In his last three games, Matt Patricia-coached defenses have given up 119 points to Nick Foles, Sam Darnold, and Jimmy Garoppolo. (49ers 30, Lions 27)

Get out of bounds, kid! That was dicey. McManus in. Kickers haven't had the best day today. It's GOOD! (Broncos 20, Raiders 19)

TAVON AUSTIN. Glad somebody finally got something out of him after five years.




I mean, yeah. That's why you make that mistake. Big run by Elliott. Austin again.




Now Dak with a run and the Cowboys have found some meat on that left side. Drive stalls, but the field goal is good this week. My answer to last week question of "Do the Giants even have four good linebackers" is probably "no" on first glance. TACO. That was an... interesting way to field that punt. What are the Giants doing? At least they went for it that time. Dak finds Terrence Williams. That didn't last long. The Giants still can't protect Eli. Another punt. Cowboys have controlled this game but they haven't done much since the first two drives. Meanwhile, the Giants can't do anything at all.




And the Giants start the second half by letting Eli get sacked and fumble. Poor tackling by the Giants leads to a first down. No idea what Dak was trying to do there. That ball's never landing inbounds. Cowboys settle for three. Eli throws over a double-covered Beckham and it still almost gets picked. He then finds Cody Latimer (?) for a big gain into Cowboys territory.




Someone's down for the Giants. Is that a leg brace or an air cast? Whatever it is, it looks bad. Cart's out. Eli overthrows Sterling Shepard. Eli tries to run and gets wrecked by Jaylon Smith. Kicker is out. Field goal is good. Beckham out to return this punt. Eli sacked again. That's, what, six? Prescott picks up a first down on a fourth-down sneak. Elliott gets to the second level. Cowboys in the red zone. Elliott appears to get stuffed on 3rd and 2, then cuts left to get the first down, then scores. We're done here. Can we get a Sean Lee update? Oh, their top draft pick is in. Eli finds an uncovered Engram for a touchdown that likely won't amount to much. Giants recover the onside kick? OK then. Beckham was going to get creamed either way on that ball into the end zone. Giants should have kicked the field goal by now. They're botching this the same way the Ravens did on Thursday night.




They do with 14 seconds left, and now Sean Lee's back out with the hands team for some reason. This was a fast game. It's not even 11:30. Kudos to all involved for that, at least. (Cowboys 20, Giants 13)

Russ almost fumbles that away but is ruled down. The Seahawks haven't scored on their opening drive in almost two seasons (31 games).




Trubisky SCRAMBLING. Breaking tackles, even. Trubisky sidearms a laser just past new Seahawk Mychal Kendricks to Jordan Howard, who takes off for 17 yards. Shovel pass to Burton for the touchdown.




Wilson not making optimal decisions, such as throwing to a double-covered tight end. TARIK COHEN PUNT RETURN. Not to the house, but he does get to the 40. That looks like a first down, but I'm not sure. They measure and it's about a yard short. The Bears go for it and Howard picks it up. Trubisky makes a bad read on an option and the Seahawks snuff it. Wilson was lucky he wasn't sacked in the end zone there. Trubisky underthrows Robinson and it's picked by Shaquill Griffin (the older of the Griffin twins and has also been in the league longer). Seahawks still can't get the ball moving. Tipped and picked AGAIN By Shaquill! Looks like Kendricks tipped it. DOWN AND DISTANCE TRACKER: RIGHT side. Um, block Khalil Mack, Seahawks. Um, BLOCK KHALIL MACK, SEAHAWKS. It's like 4th and 56 now. (26. Apples and oranges.)




Bad snap, bad punt. This game may end 7-0. Trubisky finds Cohen downfield after the play breaks down. Robinson stretches and converts 3rd and 5. Urlacher in the house! He's getting his Hall of Fame ring tonight. Direct snap to Burton? Are these the Chicago Bears? Field goal is good. Trevathan with a sack and that's five this half. Wilson saves this drive with a scramble. Are they bringing on Seabass here? Yep. They look like basketball shorts on him. Janikowski from 56. Easy as pie. 10-3 Bears at the half. Kendricks with a sack for the Seahawks.




DOWN AND DISTANCE TRACKER: LEFT side. Carroll calls time out to figure out this third down call. Pressure breaks down the Seattle offensive line (again) (shocker) and a swing pass to Mike Davis comes up short. Is Eddie Lacy still in the league? Seahawks punt. Bears aren't doing a great job of getting Taylor Gabriel in space — his speed is nullified when he's in traffic like that. Like that. That's better. They're doing a lot of this on this drive. Trubisky rolls left and hits Anthony Miller for the touchdown. Wilson somehow finds Tyler Lockett on 3rd and 14. Was he down? Yeah, his knee's down. No fumble. The Seahawks' offensive line also cannot block anyone. Amukamara gets hit with illegal contact. Did Lockett CATCH that? Touchdown! A dropkick kickoff? Really? I mean, it worked. WOW. Amukamara just picked the Seahawks' pocket. 24-10 Bears and that might be the ball game. Seahawks pick up a first down and now need to speed up. Fumble! Bears ball! THAT'S game.




I don't think Wilson ever saw Trevathan. So what's the issue on this punt? Bears touched it first so it's just a touchback, right? Nope, Seahawks ball at the 1. ESPN replaced Gerry Austin with JEFF TRIPLETTE? That's actually a downgrade. Seahawks running out of time. Touchdown with 14 seconds left. Dropkick ONSIDE kick. Yeah, that ain't happening. (Bears 24, Seahawks 17)


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Thursday, September 13, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 1: Victory Laps

Yeah, we're not starting until 9. YOU CAN SIT BACK DOWN NOW. That's some A-plus camera work on the fans singing the fight song. Banner time.



It's huge. IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. Here come the Falcons.





Why are there only three Boyz II Men? Celek and Donnie Jones out as honorary captains for the coin toss. Wentz, also, but in street clothes. He won't play for at least two more weeks, I'd bet. Eagles win the toss and defer. That kick almost went out of bounds. Falcons start with a false start. Back-to-back big plays by Jones and Freeman and the Falcons are across midfield. Ryan finds Jones for 33 yards on 3rd and 10, and they're inside the 5. Cox stuffs Freeman on 2nd down, then Ryan throws incomplete to Freeman in the flat on 3rd. Falcons going for it! DENIED!! Freeman tried to go outside but the Eagles weren't having it.






Sproles (?!) gets the first carry. Agholor with the first catch on 2nd down. Three and out. Bad penalty on a good punt. Ryan makes a dangerous throw to Coleman (Barnett almost tipped it) but Coleman caught it and rumbles 30 yards. Pederson challenges this Hooper catch. Not sure he should have. Call stands. Third down sack is nullified by offsides. Field goal is good.




Shelton Gibson fighting on this kickoff return. Not a fan of these new player graphics. You can barely see their positions and numbers. First down Agholor. Foles drops a snap and the Eagles have to punt.
The Eagles have zero yards after the first quarter.




Agholor again. DeAndre Carter makes his first career catch and is the first non-Agholor to catch pass tonight. Eagles' offense starting to churn. Incomplete to Mike Wallace on third down but Trufant is flagged for DPI. Why are you showing Carter? Offensive holding? OK.




Foles goes deep to the rookie Goedert in the end zone but he's out of bounds. Elliott in for a 26-yarder. This is tenuous. He MADE that? Wow. Ryan looks like he's limping a little after that slide? Collinsworth thinks his brace slid out of place. He's back in and it looks like the brace is off. Hicks with the sack. Bryant hooks it good from 52. Mistake by Gibson to return that kick. Eagles are pinned at the 5 after a penalty. Foles is lucky that wasn't intentional grounding. Here's the Rodgers Rule on Foles — you can't drive your body weight onto a quarterback if he doesn't have the ball. That's a good punt. This hasn't been the best game. McLeod almost picks Ryan off. This feels like the playoff game. Foles airmails one deep to Wallace that isn't caught. 6-3 at halftime and it was a 6-3 kind of game. They're BOOING! Never change.




Alford drops an interception. Jones beats Mills on a double move but juggles it and it's ruled incomplete because he was out of bounds when he finally got control. The ball never hit the ground that I saw. Falcons are challenging. Call STANDS?! What?




The only thing I can figure is that the ball hit the ground when Jones's arms were above his head. NBC hired Terry Macauley as their rules guy and he agrees with us. Then the Falcons get flagged for intentional grounding. Ajayi gets a first down and is mad that he lost his balance afterwards. That's Goedert's first catch. THEY DID IT AGAIN!! This time with Agholor! Sweet Jesus.





Foles finds Ertz, who gets to the 6. Note that Neal and McKinney are both out for the Falcons. Now Deion Jones is walking off. That's not good for the Falcons. Touchdown Ajayi! (He's switched to #26.) Falcons drive dies at midfield. That's the second punt the Eagles have gotten close to, which is no small thing. Tre Sullivan gets pushed into the ball on the punt and it's Falcons ball. Wow.




Collinsworth says someone has to call him off there, usually the return man. Nate Gerry damn near had a pick-six off that pass knockdown. Strangely, no challenge to this Sanu catch. Sack is nullified by Barnett lining up in the neutral zone, and that's a first down. Douglas in for Darby, we are told. Intercepted by Douglas! That's on Ryan, who underthrew that badly. The Eagles give it right back when a pass to Goeddert is intercepted by Deion Jones.




Touchdown Coleman. Extra point goes off the upright and... OUT. No good! Offensive PI on Ertz turns a first down into 3rd and 14, and the Eagles don't pick it up. Then a 59-yard punt gets wiped out by offsetting penalties. Goodell's here at this shitshow. 3RD AND 29. WONDERFUL. Still plenty of time. Sproles slips away from Beasley to convert 3rd and 9.




Clement gets 21 on 3rd and 2. and the Eagles are in the red zone. Is that a sock? Oh, it's his towel. Touchdown Ajayi! Eagles going for two here? Well, they're up four, so sure, why not. Ajayi converts. 18-12. Julio Jones kills the Eagles between the 20s. Better throw and he's still running. That's at least the second time Ryan's just fallen down on a sack. Jones goes to the ground and still catches it on 3rd and 17. And another one. This time it's Sanu. It IS the playoff game again.




Ryan goes too high on second down. At lest this time they're trying to go to Julio Jones. Ryan hit as he throws on third down. ILLEGAL CONTACT. One second, one play. Jones catches it... OUT OF BOUNDS. Eagles win! God, that was brutal to watch.




Agreed. (Eagles 18, Falcons 12)

Khalil Mack's playing Sunday night. O. KAY.

Signal Finder: PIT @ CLE, JAX @ NYG, SF @ MIN (end), DAL @ CAR

So the Browns are replacing Joe Thomas at left tackle with an undrafted rookie who didn't play for three years. Meanwhile, the Steelers are replacing Le'Veon Bell with Actual Cancer Survivor James Conner. Browns quarterback No. 29, Tyrod Taylor. He just picked up a 3rd and 13 by running.




Ward picks off Ben at the Browns' 10 and the Browns have the ball. Ben doesn't run as well as he used to. And he's lost weight? Must be the knees. Conner walks into the end zone untouched.




That's a great fingertip catch by Jarvis Landry. Taylor throws an interception but it's nullified by defensive holding. Nick Chubb's first carry is for precious little. Shovel pass on 3rd down also does not work. Ben airs one out... but it's intercepted! Bruce Arians (who's in the booth for CBS) thinks Antonio Brown lost track of the ball. Rain may be picking up. Is Taylor the Browns' leading rusher today? That's another first down, that one on an option.




Steelers not in a tremendous hurry here with two time outs. Intercepted by Ward! That's his second today, the Browns' third, and this may already be the worst game Ben's had against the Browns, who he's historically owned. Browns then almost fumble it away and then go into halftime down 7-0. TOUCHDOWN. Conner rushing touchdown canceled by holding. Then a touchdown pass is taken off the board by Illegal Hands to the Face. Steelers killing themselves with terrible mistakes. Then Ben finally finds Brown on the side of the end zone for a touchdown that will actually count. The Browns can't block anyone. Big run by Conner. And then he goes for a touchdown. Le'veon who? Taylor goes up top to Josh Gordon but Joe Haden breaks it up in the end zone. That graphic is correct — Roethlisberger has more wins in Cleveland than any Browns quarterback in that time span. Browns catch a break when a punt glances off a Browns player but they get awarded the ball. Tomlin challenges. He's right, but I'm not sure this gets overturned. CBS has a new rules guy too? It's Steratore? Huh.




PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Touchdown Hyde! WHAT DID I JUST SAY. Taylor finds Higgins down the sideline. TOUCHDOWN JOSH GORDON! That is some top-shelf toe-tapping. Browns get a stop on defense and get to midfield, and then the Steelers get caught with 12 men on the field. And Taylor throws up a pick. Same guy who Gordon beat on the game-tying touchdown. We got overtime. Julius Peppers fair-catches a punt and immediately regrets it. Wait where did the time go? Oh, right, OT's 10 minutes now. That's a BAD punt. Swing pass to Conner gets the Steelers six more yards. Boswell on. High snap! WIDE LEFT! Landry wants a flag, but Gordon's the one who should have gotten one. Browns punt because not converting most likely loses the game. An injured Demarious Randall wants a time out that the Browns don't have. INTERCEPTION!! Gonzales from 43. BLOCKED. One last chance for the Steelers. Incomplete. IT'S A TIE.






It's what they deserve. It's what we deserve, too, for putting up with it. (Steelers 21, Browns 21)

I don't know, guys. All this hype around Garoppolo feels a little Scott Mitchell-ish. And there's a pass right to Harrison Smith. There's only one problem. (Vikings 24, 49ers 16)





Oh boy. Well, we know that's not sustainable for the Buccaneers if you've seen Fitzpatrick play for any extended period of time. On the other hand, if this wasn't an outlier for the Saints' defense, they could be in a lot of trouble.


AYYYYY. That guy was a three-day champ on Jeopardy. (Buccaneers 48, Saints 40)

The Giants switched to a 3-4? Do they even have four good linebackers? Kenny Albert with both Barbers on the call. Ereck Flowers still out here being trash. That hold was just barely outside of the end zone. Interception by Jenkins. Giants driving. Toss to Beckham on 3rd down and goal and it... does not work. Field goal is good. 3-3.




Yeah, good job extending that dude. Jags stuck kicking it again and it's 6-3. Eli throws into coverage and Engram gets called for OPI. Fournette's been felled by a hamstring, we are told. Oddly, this has not stopped the Jaguars. Yeldon tries to stretch for the end zone but doesn't make it. Pat Shurmur's about to lose this challenge. And he does. Bortles to Yeldon for the touchdown. The Giants still can't block anyone. That's the second sack on this drive. Good acting by Beckham there. Eli then overthrows him. Did he sidearm that? Field goal is good. Halftime. Barkley's hurt? Jebus. Bortles just gashed these dudes for 41 yards. Oh, there's Barkley, with no room to run. Eli gets pressured into a pick-six by Myles Jack. That return was at, like, one-third speed. Nobody even tried to contest it. BARKLEY! Still should have drafted a quarterback. He gets stuffed on the two-point try and it's still 20-15. Jags doing what they didn't do in the AFC title game and actually let the play clock run down some. They then follow this with two incompletions, one which was knocked back into Bortles' face, and one that was almost intercepted. You know who's good is Landon Collins. Giants force a punt and here we go again maybe. Jags get a stop. They run on 3rd and 6 and don't get close. MUFFED PUNT! Wow. That's just gross. (Jaguars 20, Giants 15)




Nobody involved in that decision should have trusted their instincts.




Aaand he's been benched. For Josh Allen. Who's WORSE. (Ravens 47, Bills 3)


Everyone who had the Cincinnati Bengals as the first team to have a player thrown out of a game over the new helmet rule, please report to the pay window. The odds were probably 3-5, so you lost money, but you need to show up anyway to fill out the paperwork. That touchdown off the Doyle fumble is how the Bengals LOSE games. (Bengals 34, Colts 23)

Get 'em, Cam. Sweet fake. And then McCaffrey fumbles after Buck talked about how he was going to be used more as a runner this season. Yeah, it's wild that the Panthers JUST NOW put their own logo at midfield. Olsen bails Cam out with a leaping catch. That's the second time Cam's frozen a linebacker on a run. Even Joe can't believe the Steelers-Browns finish. Shaq Thompson blows up a Prescott screen. That's a good punt return in traffic. Newton crashes through defenders and scores. This Cowboys offense has problems. No gamebreakers other than Elliott. Cam finding some new guys through the air. Ryan Kalil (the good one) gets hit with a face mask penalty. McCaffrey gets most of it back. Cam escapes a sack, but then the Panthers can't get a play in and they have to kill the clock, tossing away a chance at a touchdown. Gano kick is good, and it's 10-0 Panthers at halftime. Big run by Elliott. God job picking up that flag — Thompson wasn't engaged with anyone else, making Elliott's block legal. It was so clear I'm not sure how it got thrown in the first place. Pretty good punt return by Tavon Austin, who the Rams finally gave up on. Rainbows. That's how they work. Elliott gets tripped up, thwarting a potential big gain. New Cowboys kicker Brett Maher MISSES from 47. Funches, then McCaffrey. Who's this? That's not McCaffrey or C.J. Anderson but it is a touchdown. Oh, this is ill-advised. Gotta make your extra points. Elliott's going to be their leading receiver, too, isn't he? Elliott to the right side for a touchdown. Aikman calls the quarterback draw and Dak converts. Cowboys get pressure on a depleted Panthers line, forcing a punt. Now the Panthers are getting pressure. Fumble! Panthers ball! That'll do it. "There wasn't anywhere for Prescott to throw the football." Because he doesn't have any receivers, Troy. (Panthers 16, Cowboys 8)

No idea why Tirico has replaced Dan Patrick on Football Night in America. NEW SONG YAY.




Mack trade breakdown. Bears split out a lineman and then run inside with Cohen.


Touchdown! "25 or 6 to 4" into commercial. Rodgers gets sacked. Montgomery down the sideline for a big gain that gets wiped out by offensive holding. Well, Allen Robinson looks healthy. The Bears have gotten literally nothing out of that position the last few years. Trubisky missed him in the end zone just then, though. Cody Parkey field goal makes it 10-0. Jimmy Graham doing things. Rodgers gets sacked and he's struggling to get up. Massive punt return by Cohen. Bears stay out on 4th and 4, at least for the moment. They go for it, and the Packers snuff it out. That was basically a Butt Fumble, wasn't it? Rodgers being driven off the field. Browns exile DeShone Kizer takes over.


He finds Cobb for 29. Adams twice. Khalil Mack with the sack, strip, and recovery.


Danny Trevathan crashed into his teammate. Al name-checks Roquan Smith, who hasn't played yet, and he comes in to replace Trevathan and sacks Kizer. Then Mack intercepts Kizer and runs it back for a touchdown!





Packer Nation is LIVID. 17-0 Bears at the half, and they get the ball to start the third.



Muhammad Wilkerson hits Trubisky late, drawing a flag. Direct snap to Cohen yields little. Field goal is good. Does Rodgers come back out? He does! Big run by Williams. Field goal puts the Packers on the board. Virginia McKaskey montage. Geronimo! The Packers going no-huddle with a hobbled quarterback seems... strange. GERONIMO!!! That catch AFTER that THROW. 20-10.




Packers sniff out the 3rd down pass and force a punt. Rodgers to Adams! Rinse and repeat for a touchdown and this game just started to cook. Trubisky runs for a first down. Bears doing a good job of keeping the clock running. Packers challenging an out-of-bounds on this Howard run. They might win this, which will make it 1st and 10 from the 42 instead of the 16. Challenge is good. Does no one line up under center anymore? Gotta run the ball on 3rd and 1, Bears. Field goal is good. Kyle Fuller drops an interception. Cobb. Cobb? COBB!!! TOUCHDOWN PACKERS!!!! Of course, there's 2:10 left and the Bears have two time outs.




The middle of the field was completely empty there. How does that happen? 4th and 9 fails, but a Roughing the Passer call on Clay Matthews (whose name I haven't heard tonight) gives the Bears new life. Not great throws from Trubisky on this series. 4th and 10 and Nick Perry strip-sacks Trubisky.


This game was 20-0. That dropped pick, man. This one's gonna sting. (Packers 24, Bears 23)

I guess Tessitore and Witten are doing the late game. Who's calling this game with Beth Mowins? I missed it and I can't tell by his voice. (It's also a little odd that she's doing this game when she calls Raiders preseason games.) Not ideal, Sam Darnold. Pretty good, Lions defense. That's a good punt return. Touchdown Jets. Stafford throws a not-great interception on a throw he couldn't miss on. Morris Claiborne's still in the league? Kick is good. 10-7 Jets. Stafford throws another interception (this one worse than the last)... but Trumaine Johnson fumbles it and the Lions get it back! (After the refs sort it out, of course.) Golladay put a lick on Johnson, too. Prater then misses from 56 (indoors?) so it's all for naught. Stafford limping after going down there. Replay shows his own man kicked him in the leg. Touchdown Jets! Darnold to Robby Anderson for 41 yards and that's his first career touchdown. He beat Tavon Wilson, which I believe makes that two Temple guys in the end zone there. Stafford back out there for the Lions. Jets hurting themselves with penalties on this drive. What the HELL, Stafford. Where was that pass even supposed to go?




Fortunately, the defender was ruled out of bounds, so the Lions will at least get a field goal. 17-10 Jets at halftime. Brian Griese's in the booth with Mowins. Stafford starting to heat up, with a big play to Tate on the sideline. Why do the Jets have one guy patrolling the entire middle of the field behind the line of scrimmage? Tate tucked in and scored easily on that pass. The Jets are marching downfield in response. Touchdown! Solid response from the rookie. Wait, Jeremy Bates (the Jets' OC) was walking the earth for four years? Pick-six for the Jets! Does Stafford need his eyes checked? There wasn't anything there. 31-17 Jets! ESPN graphic says that was the Jets' first defensive touchdown in 73 games. And then the Lions fumble a handoff. Oh, that's Blount. Oops. Was that not a fumble? OK, whatever. Stafford down again. Matt Patricia looks like he's regretting this. Matt Cassel in. That's a lot of Matts in one place. And the Jets return this punt for a touchdown. That one at the Lions 36 looks the closest but it still looks good to me.




Stafford back in and Darron Lee intercepts him AGAIN. That's four. Take him right the hell back out. Jets get a field goal and it's 41-17. Griese on Gruden: "He's right back where he was 10 years ago." That... may ultimately be why this doesn't work. Another missed field goal by Prater. Did Mowins just say "surrender cobras"? That's cold.




Crowell just burned the Lions for a 62-yard touchdown. The third quarter just ended, by the way.




Jets laying the wood to the Lions now. Stafford sits for Cassel. And now the Jets fans in attendance have taken over. Another interception, this one by Jamal Adams. It's his first? Huh. LOL they're going right to Rams-Raiders with 6:30 left. (Jets 48, Lions 17)

Yeah, the Rams have added some combustible elements, to say the least. Raiders get the ball first. Vertical football is back? Lynch drills his way through the pile and drags like eight people into the end zone. Goff managed to both over- and underthrow Kupp there. Nice work by woods on the outside. Sweep to Gurley, who makes the edge and scores. I still don't know why they  have Booger McFarland on a rig 15 feet above the field. Oh man. Those two Marshawn Lynch photos.




Jared Cook's really good when he's on. There's a second part to that equation that you're all familiar with by now. Rams front getting the disruption it paid for. Field goal is good, 10-7 Raiders. Bruce Irvin just wrecked Goff. Rams recover the fumble, but they're forced into a field goal. Legatron hooks it right!




Intercepted in the end zone! That's on Carr. Coverage was too good; go somewhere else. Goff throws a bomb to Brandin Cooks that bounces off a Raider's head and draws a flag. Goff throws into traffic and it almost gets picked by two different guys. Here's a thing I don't like: The down and distance being on the left side of the score bug. Booger noting that the Raiders have had to blitz to get any pressure on Goff. Third down incompletion brings Legatron back out. He makes this one and it's 10-10. Booger: "You don't make a living in this league trading Hall of Fame players." I wasn't expecting Jared Cook to be the Raiders' receiving star tonight.




Now the down and distance is on the other side. Make up your minds; this is some FS1 shit. Field goal is good and it's 13-10 Raiders at halftime. They also have 145 penalty yards. The Raiders are BACK, ladies and gentlemen! Leon Hall's still playing? I did not know Gruden gave McVay his first job his last year in Tampa. Cooks gives the Rams another dimension of speed they didn't have last year with Sammy Watkins. Touchdown Kupp! Rams lead. Carr getting careless. Goff just misses Woods. DOWN AND DISTANCE ALERT: Back on the LEFT. Goff's pass gets knocked down. Field goal is good. Jared Cook has two great games a year and this looks like one. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. What in the blue hell was THAT? Goff guns it to Kupp to convert 3rd and 7. You know who this Raiders defense could use? Well, Marcus Peters, too, if we're being honest. He just pick-sixed Carr. (Rams 33, Raiders 13)

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