Friday, March 23, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 16: Getting Off The Pot

IT'S 10 DEGREES. Keenum went to University of Houston, while Hundley's from Arizona and played at UCLA. Like there's anything else to do in Green Bay on a Friday other than shovel snow out of Lambeau. Forbath makes a field goal off a ridiculous angle. That's some college shiz. Harrison Smith didn't make the Pro Bowl? Odd. (Not that any of this matters.) Anthony Barr's... not popular in Green Bay right now. They replay the hit, which was late as hell but not dirty otherwise. It wasn't a shot to the head or anything. Late flag for pass interference on Hawkins. Is this a touchdown? It is. I wasn't sure if his left foot was down when he caught it but it was so let's go. Extra point is good. Dick Enberg tribute. Dude did everything. Hundley with a run for a first down after being handcuffed for most of this game.


I thought Nelson caught this. 12 men on the field? Eh, who knows anymore. Incomplete, but the penalty gives the Packers a first down anyway. Al speculating that Jordy might be hurt. Three or four plays later he comes off the field. Interception! So much for the Packers scoring there. Slow down. SLOW DOWN. Refs not doing a great job communicating. That wasn't a first down. Inconsequential punt leads to halftime. 10-0 Vikings. Hundley with another big run. The Packers' two biggest plays so far have been him running. McCarthy considers a field goal on 4th and 7 but decides against it, and Hundley's pass isn't close to anything.
Keenum looking for space — and finds it and someone named David Morgan for a first down. McCarthy apparently wanted to challenge this but didn't get the flag out in time. Good thing, too, because he would have lost, as usual. McKinnon gets knocked back. Dude lost like four yards. Field goal is good. Wait, the "Taken" show is still on? It should be noted that Hundley hasn't gotten too much help from his teammates. The Vikings have shut everything down. Packers go for 4th and 3 from the Vikings 13 because why not. There's no reason to believe this will work. And it doesn't. When's the last time the Packers got shut out? 


I'll elaborate on this using far more words. Mike McCarthy's a hack. We've known this for a long time but Packers management doesn't realize it still. It's a joke that Aaron Rodgers has only been to one Super Bowl. His game management has always been horrible, especially against the Seahawks, and especially in that 2015 playoff game that he botched both ends of. He's gone back and forth on calling the plays at least four times. He won't get rid of Dom Capers even though the league has clearly passed him by. (Kaepernick could walk off the street and put up 300/80/3 TDs on Dom Capers' defense.) That Brett Hundley looks so bad is a direct result of his inability to coach up guys and adjust his schemes. He's ridden Rodgers' otherworldly skills for his entire career (and even had Brett Favre at the end, if I recall.) You don't fire him because of this season. You fire him because this season exposes all of the flaws that he's had for several seasons.  (Vikings 16, Packers 0)

Signal Finder: ATL @ NO, BUF @ NE, TB @ CAR (end), LAR @ TEN (end), SEA @ DAL

I also think a Falcons win here technically eliminates everybody else, as they own all the tiebreakers. Julio in motion on the first play. Big run by Freeman but it won't count. Bad hold — as Davis pointed out, Freeman had already made the corner. Marcus Lattimore's been really good this season, as we see him defend Jones there. He knocked it down a bit. Oh, Michael Thomas is playing. Surprised since he came up on last night's injury report, as Burkhardt said. Saints kick a field goal. Never seen a running back get flagged for unnecessary roughness before. I still haven't seen what Freeman did. Saints abusing the Falcons with screens right now. Brees just hit 70,000 career passing yards.
Actual face mask on Freeman sticks the Falcons with 1st and 30. Now OPI. Falcons are fucking up.
Big fourth down pickup by Ingram. Brees with a bad handoff and they almost fumble it away. Fortunately, Ingram falls on it. Jones not in on 3rd down. Incomplete. No, INTERCEPTION! That was on Lattimore's butt for about five seconds and he eventually realized it and picked it up.


Davis referencing the Julian Edelman play from the Super Bowl. There's only 50 seconds left? This has been a fast game. Speaking of fast, Ted Ginn just lit the Falcons up. Touchdown. Kamara returning the second-half kickoff? OH SH— he's at midfield. Tipped by Ginn and intercepted by the Falcons! AND TWO PLAYS LATER THEY FUMBLE. I keep forgetting Manti Te'o's a Saint now. Freeman's having a terrible game. Touchdown Saints. Are those Marshawn Lynch's Skittles? Falcons trying everything. That's a great catch by Jones. Is this a touchdown? The ball may not have broken the plane even though he was in the end zone. Third quarter's over, so let's take some more time and see. Not a touchdown. So it's 4th and goal from the 1. This is the game, pretty much. Freeman runs it and gets NOTHING. Ryan gets sacked twice in a row, just avoiding a safety the second time. Then the Falcons get off a bad punt that doesn't even cross midfield. Touchdown Tevin Coleman. Where's he been all game?
The Saints nailing this year's draft cannot be discounted. The Panthers just took the lead. So Cameron Jordan is former Vikings tight end Steve Jordan's son. I don't think I'd ever heard that. (Saints 23, Falcons 13)

We go to Bucs-Panthers and Winston has just fumbled after a sack. He's FURIOUS. He's saying he recovered the fumble. Panthers clinch a playoff spot. He's STILL mad. (Panthers 22, Buccaneers 19)

Wait, Tyrod's back? The graphic for him is all rushing-oriented. Philip Dorsett lives? Way to not cover Gronk, Bills. And yet a good stand by the Bills to keep the Patriots out of the end zone. Whoa, what is this? The Bills letting Tyrod throw downfield? Who's the coach? Interception? Jordan Poyer? TOUCHDOWN BILLS. Foxboro just got real quiet. Putting one defensive back on Gronk? Good luck. He had to make a great catch, but that's a losing battle. Tied at 10. Another big pass play by Taylor.


Charles Clay just pulled a Jesse James. Touchdown Kelvin Benjamin? This is CLOSE. The longer it takes, the wore this is gonna be. Overturned. 


Bills kick a field goal to tie it at 13. McCoy doing pirouettes through the Patriots defense. What the fuck, Chip Kelly. Why is Mike Tolbert lined up in the slot? Bills should be given this fourth-down stop. Lewis didn't make it. Actually, looking at the replay now, I think he did. Who the hell knows. Pats have challenged this. And they've won. Field goal is good and we're tied again. Bills pass up 4th and 1 for a 50-yard field goal down seven and MISS. That was a bad decision that may cost them this game. Touchdown Lewis and the Pats are just pouring it on now. Hoyer's in the game. (Patriots 37, Bills 16)

We're already running Daytona 500 promos? Moose shouting out a Sammy Baugh punting record from 1940 that may still stand. That's how much faith they have in the Titans. (Rams 27, Titans 23)

Good God, Lions. That's a terrible loss. (Bengals 27, Lions 14)

So this one's easy: The loser is out. Zeke back. That's not a good punt, Jon Ryan. Tyron Smith already on the bench after one series. That IS A good punt, Chris Jones, and an even better play by Byron Jones to keep it on the field. There's Elliott. What's left of the Seahawks' defense is bearing down nicely here. No Tyron Smith probably helps that, but still. Bailey won't miss this. And he doesn't. Chris Carson's still the Seahawks second-leading rusher and he's been hurt since Week 4. That's a problem. Elliott moving the pile. Where the hell is Dez? Bailey banks one off the right upright. 6-0 Cowboys. This Cowboys front teeing off on Wilson, first with a knocked down pass and then a sack that loses 22 yards. Dez fumbles a catch and the Seahawks recover. That's the first play Byron Maxwell's made in four years. Wilson pulls off an absolutely SICK play fake into a bootleg and the Seahawks are in the red zone. Man, these games have been fast as hell today. Everyone must be trying to get home for Christmas. Two flags, one's DPI, and it's Seahawks ball at the 1. Davis fumbles but Wilson falls on it. Touchdown Graham. Prescott runs away from Michael Bennett (who hasn't jumped offsides yet!) for 15-plus yards. Pass to Williams puts them in field goal range, and Bailey hits it to give the Cowboys a 9-7 lead. Prescott throws a bad interception and that's a pick-six for Coleman, who then jumps into the Salvation Army kettle. Aikman thinks Dak overthrew Elliott after Coleman forced him to look off Bryant. Not the best two series for Prescott, who got sacked again. Field goal is good. Buck acknowledging this hasn't been the greatest game. The Cowboys are 12 points worse on defense when Sean Lee is hurt. Big catch by Dez, which we haven't said a lot this season. Dak intercepted again. That's a face mask. Touchdown Baldwin. Dion Jordan's back in the league? My God, this play calling down here is brutal. Like, Pete Carroll's having flashbacks. GIVE THE BALL TO ELLIOTT, YOU MORONS. I can't believe I'm excoriating the Cowboys to not do something stupid. That's unbelievable. Bailey in for a field goal. NO GOOD!! That's insane.


Not sure why Garrett's challenging this spot here. Offsides Bennett. You can set your watch by it. Cowboys bring Bailey out now, for some reason. He missed AGAIN. Wrap it up.
crosses off Cowboys (Seahawks 21, Cowboys 12)


They had such high hopes for this one. Clowney got Ben's arm just before he threw that. Field goal good. T.J. Yates? Seriously? Touchdown! Texans say no but that's not getting overturned (miraculously). Hey, the Watt brothers. Already forgot this was supposed to be J.J. vs. T.J. sort of.
Texans challenge this catch and... it's not a catch. So we're about to do some time traveling because that was the end of the quarter. Lamar Miller with a nice run after the Texans get the ball back. Yates has wheels? THEY CAN'T STOP ALFRED BLUE. Oh, wait, yes they can. Texans throw on 3rd, which means this going for it on 4th down makes sense. INTERCEPTION. WELL DONE. That's a forward pass that Bell just dropped. Martavis Bryant makes the catch and slithers his way to a first down. FULLBACK TOUCHDOWN. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. I think Yates just dropped it; I'm not sure Cam Heyward even touched him. Boswell beat out Justin Tucker for the Pro Bowl? That IS surprising. Now Yates is walking off after that sack and someone names Taylor Heinecke is in at quarterback. That's a good punt. 20-0 Steelers at halftime. Now he's taken a shot. Yates back in. Not that any of this matters. (Steelers 34, Texans 6)

There's one poor soul shouting "CAVALIERS" in the middle of this "WARRIORS" chant and it's annoyingly hilarious. That's a foul. Van Gundy lobbying for replay to actually be able to be used on foul calls. But then games would take four hours. (Warriors 99, Cavaliers 92)

It's cold out. Who are these dudes with Hank? The Eagles' 8 defensive linemen all have more than 160 snaps, Gruden sez. Raiders go for it on 4th and 2. Eagles bring EVERYONE and Carr has to ditch it. Clement getting two short-yardage pickups. Eagles have done almost nothing but run on this drive after going three-and-out passing on their first one. There's a screen to Ajayi for a touchdown.
Carr underthrew Roberts and they're having a discussion about it. Not sure Roberts would have caught it anyway given the Raiders' year-long problems with drops.


Cooper just left Mills choking on dust with a double move. Gruden points out that the Giants did that all last week. Touchdown Raiders. Santa reference, but it took until the second quarter. Sack by Long but he may have been offside. He was. Roberts doesn't think he was touched down here... but he was. Another big play to Cooper, but it's canceled by offensive holding on the Raiders. Now we have another hold. NOW it's 3rd and 28. Gruden calls the Eagles' three-defensive end package the "NASCAR package" because of the speed involved. Ertz wide open. Raiders challenging that he wasn't down before the ball came out, but he clearly was. Call confirmed. Foles recovers from a bad snap to convert a 4th down to Ertz. Ertz then misses one in the end zone. Field goal attempt is... no good. The fans are... unpleased. 7-7 at halftime.
Great blocking by the Raiders on this run by Richard. Crabtree actually covered well by Mills and the Raiders settle for three. That's actually a hold on Lane. This game has ground to a halt. The Eagles' wide receivers have disappeared.
Interception by Patrick Robinson! Eagles ball and this may be what they needed. And they fumble it back two plays later. Nobody may score again in this game. And the Raiders fumble it RIGHT BACK. What is happening? Agholor with a catch. Foles has been not great tonight — that was a poor throw intended for Jeffery.
Elliott makes this one and we're tied at 10. Did Long not see the ball come out on that sack? Where's he going? Raiders recover but it's fourth down now. Also not having a great night: The Eagles' offensive line. Another bad snap. Feel like Wentz would have gotten away from that pressure. 
Neither team has pass-protected particularly well, either. Raiders field goal is... NO GOOD. Wait, what? WHAT? Jebus. Big run by Richard. Fumble? Not a fumble. FUMBLE! Eagles ball. The Eagles fail on yet another third down — they're 1 for 12.


Both Carr and Lynch get trapped behind the line of scrimmage. Barner muffs the punt but recovers. Lot of close calls on both sides tonight. No room for Ajayi to run. Eagles appear to be playing for overtime right now. Another 3rd down failure.
Eagles' front has been great tonight. Interception by Darby! He's still running but I think he was down. Officials say he was. That's clean. Agholor with two catches to get a key first down. McDonough reminds us that it's deceptively windy down there as the camera shows the flags atop the uprights not moving. Foles cannot take a sack. He doesn't, but it's incomplete. Elliott on. BINGO. One last chance for the Raiders, but the Eagles' defense comes through again, even blowing up the multi-lateral at the end and getting a touchdown out of it.
(Eagles 19, Raiders 10)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Philadelphia (13-2) — Let's never speak of this again
2. New England (12-3) — The clear class of the AFC
3. Minnesota (11-4) — The dream is alive
3. Pittsburgh (12-3) — A much needed tonic

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (4-11) — Should really be better than this, no?
30. Indianapolis (3-12) — So how soon does Pagano get fired?
31. N.Y. Giants (2-13) — It's all falling apart
32. Cleveland (0-15) — IT'S HAPPENING.


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