Wednesday, February 28, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 15: Handle It

"Kardashian?" Really, Lions? Tirico's as confused as everyone else. Stafford launches an actual rocket. AND MARVIN JONES CATCHES IT!! I'm shocked that wasn't picked off. Third and 1 from the 3 and the Lions are in the shotgun. Touchdown T.J. Jones. Little Rockettes action afterwards. Is this Kurt Warner in the booth? (It is.) Tarik Cohen! Out at the Lions' 12! But it's probably coming back. Official shaken up? So now the Bears will start from their own 10. This might be a fumble by Riddick. It is! 12 seconds left and the Bears have a chance to do something. Mike Nugent's a Bear? OK. Field goal is good and it's 13-3 Lions at halftime. Abdullah with some moves. Feels like all the Lions have are change-of-pace backs. Touchdown Ebron on a nice throw from Stafford — just enough touch and perfect positioning. Trubisky doing the best he can with these scrap-heap receivers. This is four-down territory for the Bears. They need a touchdown. That's an interception. Tate schooling dudes. Back-to-back sacks will put an end to that. Trubisky picks it up himself. Cunningham scores but it's too late. They kicked it deep? The hell?


There's that, too. (Lions 20, Bears 10)

Man, things change in six weeks. Muffed punt! WILD scramble. That ball went back 10 more yards. Chiefs come up with it, thankfully for them. Smith working on Kelce early. A Hill first down is taken out by a chop block. Chiefs get 14 back, then go for it on 4th and 3 from the Chargers' 35 and a pass to Hunt picks it up. Field goal is good. Tyreek Hill just killed Casey Hayward. I mean, he's dead. Gordon powers into the end zone. Extra point is no good. Smith came closer to getting stripped of the ball on that inside run than anyone wants to acknowledge. They need to go down the field. 52-yard field goal MISSES. Truman Museum B-roll. Gordon just slipped or something on that catch and run. Keenan Allen's been killing it the last six weeks. Touchdown Antonio Gates. That's never happened before. Chiefs should probably strike back here. Three tight ends and Hunt catches a touchdown pass. Rivers gets picked off by Marcus Peters. Gotta secure that ball, kid. Oh, he switched hands. OK. This is a good, patient runback. Rivers: "Where are you going?" Sounds like Williams ran the wrong route or something. Peters returns it inside the 10. Touchdown Hunt? No. Chiefs challenge. Call stands. Chiefs settle for three. Chargers fumble! Chiefs ball! That's their second turnover in about three minutes, and part of what powered their run back into it was protecting the football. Chiefs get another field goal and it's 23-13. Rivers under pressure again and he throws ANOTHER pick. He's on his back and so is Parker, who also recovered the fumble before. Hunt with a sidestep and a clear path into the end zone. Another pick and we're done here, and one step closer to Panthers-Falcons being the Week 17 flex. (Chiefs 30, Chargers 13)

Signal Finder: PHI @ NYG, NYJ @ NO, NE @ PIT, TEN @ SF (end)

Those two Eli stats against the Eagles (27 touchdown passes; 10-16 record) sum up his career against the Eagles pretty perfectly. Giants get the ball first. Smart double move call by Spagnolo and executed by Lewis. Giants running a quick pace. Holding on Mills cancels out a drive-ending sack. Touchdown Darkwa.


PAT is BLOCKED. Here's Nick Foles, with a nicely lofted pass to Jeffery to start. Foles with a Wentz-like move to avoid pressure. Did Jeffrey step out of bounds before that? Spielman sees what I saw. Call stands. You know who's good is Evan Engram.
Mills got owned on that touchdown pass. Not a lot of defense being played so far. Foles with a very late throw. Again, not a lot of defense being played so far as Shepard romps for 67 yards. 20-7 Giants. Hey, a stop. Pederson challenging this Smith incompletion on the sideline. I... can't tell. Call stands but Foles hits an open Ertz on the next play. Been a rough last few weeks for Eli Apple. Eagles go for 4th and 1. Handoff to Blount and that's not even close. Eli throws an interception right to Darby, and bad tackling by the Giants on the return. Ajayi just makes the marker on third down. Touchdown Ertz. BLOCKED PUNT. Jesus. NO ONE blocked Grugier-Hill. What the hell. Then Burton finds himself completely wide open in the end zone for a touchdown. He had time to light a real campfire.


This Shepard catch is a catch, guys. It's not even close. What the hell? And that personal foul on Bradham is the second call they've blown on this drive. Vereen clearly shoved him first. Eli misses Engram and that almost gets intercepted. Giants settle for a field goal. 23-21 Giants at the half, somehow. Two great catches by Jeffrey and Ertz on this drive. Elliott puts Philly back in front. There's your weekly big Ajayi run that doesn't end in the end zone. Touchdown Agholor! That's four for Foles.
Offsides on a PUNT? Come on, guys. This is close. Does King's right foot touch down on the sideline? Nope. Touchdown Giants after some crazy body control. Giants go for two and Eli gets sacked. Jones almost dropped the ball on that punt. Robinson down, and this isn't great. Good, he's walking off. You know who's been good today is Wayne Gallman. Field goal is BLOCKED. SPECIAL TEAMS. That was Jenkins. Ertz does a good job staying on his feet and converting a third down. Foles with a sneak after an Ajayi run. This is close. He just got it. Agholor left uncovered for another first down. Giants bottle up Ertz and Smith is tackled before he can score. Elliott makes it 34-29. Did Lewis catch that? Wow. FIGHT. Surprisingly, no flags because that was a donnybrook. Eli killing the Eagles with slants on this drive. Two minutes left. Giants run it on third and goal? OK. I mean, they need a touchdown anyway, but. I guess they wanted the Eagles to burn a time out? They go to Engram and that's overthrown. Giants want an flag for interference but that was uncatchable. (Eagles 34, Giants 29)

Big run by Ingram after the catch. Where did he go out? Great block by Michael Thomas. Shame they only got three out of that. Bryce Petty time! Is Christian Hackenberg just a complete bust or what? Ingram already with three catches. This isn't a touchdown. Call reversed. Ingram finishes it off. Jets? Jets! Touchdown! Oh, Kamara's back this week. You know who's good is Robby Anderson.
Interception Saints. Fumble! Three and out? Good job, Jets. This Thomas catch isn't a touchdown — his left foot is on the end line. Overturned. That's the second time today this has happened to him. And then the Saints fumble AGAIN and the Jets get it! And they fail to capitalize, as is their wont. Somehow they're still in this game. Finally, Thomas brings in a touchdown. (Saints 31, Jets 19)

The Jaguars just made the playoffs without a quarterback or a head coach. Anything really is possible. (Jaguars 45, Texans 7)



Appropriate: Teddy Bridgewater returns the same day the Bengals just up and leave. (Vikings 34, Bengals 7)

There's the first big Cooks catch. Touchdown Burkhead, which has been happening a lot in the last month. Antonio Brown for MVP? Steelers picking on Stephon Gilmore early. Eli Rogers beats Eric Rowe for a touchdown to tie it. Also it looks like Martavis Bryant is back in the Steelers' good graces. Brown with an uncharacteristic drop in the end zone. Brown being helped off to an "MVP" chant. Field goal is good.


Bryant beats Gilmore for the touchdown! 17-10 Steelers at halftime. Romo spots the Patriots' false start as it happens. Pass to White after it's 3rd and 6 comes up short. Pats going for it! 4th and 1 from the Steelers 19. GRONK. He then drops a touchdown on 2nd and goal. And there's a slant to Cooks for the score. Romo: "He thought about (running) and then he remembered he was 40." Extra point MISSES. Brady picked off by Vince Williams (Shazier's replacement). Bell manhandling Pats defenders on this drive. Literally, in that case. Touchdown Steelers! Patriots starting to pick up the pace in Steelers territory. Some bad overthrows here. They settle for three. 24-19. Sean Davis just dropped an interception. Next play, 26 yards to Gronk. Romo called this. Gronk again. Did the Steelers let the Patriots score there? Kinda looks like it? I dunno. Juju? JUJU! If he could have gone down the sideline he'd have scored. As it is, the Steelers have it at the 10.


TOUCHDOWN ROAD DOGG!! They'll review it. Why is this taking so long? They're reviewing control? The ball never leaves his hand! Oh, God, they're gonna overturn this. FUCK.






INTERCEPTION IN THE END ZONE. The Steelers can't beat this team.



Every fucking break. That's just gross.






(Patriots 27, Steelers 24)

How long is THIS kick? It's good. Garoppolo out here throwing darts. Gould up. IT'S GOOD. (49ers 25, Titans 23)

(Rams 42, Seahawks 7)

Fun fact: The Cowboys have NEVER been flexed OUT of a Sunday Night game they were originally scheduled in. The loser tonight can fuck right off. Were the teams just flipped for a second in the score bug? Sean Smith picks off Prescott. Raiders stall out. Bailey field goal is good. "Slow Hand"? Really, NBC DJ? Dak scrambling like a madman for no real reason. Touchdown Smith, eventually. Crabtree recovers his own fumble for the Raiders' biggest play so far. And they still can't score. Raiders' defense is playing well, though. Things starting to happen for the Raiders on this two-minute drill. I should mention no Amari Cooper tonight. Raiders lose their last time out. Touchdown! NOPE. OPI on Cook. Field goal is... no good! Went over the upright and out. Snap looked like it was slightly offline, too. So 10-0 Cowboys at halftime. Patterson doing what he does best — break kickoff returns. Too bad it's coming back. David Carr is STREAKING. He runs better than Prescott. Lynch sets up first and goal with a strong run. Touchdown Crabtree to finish off a 90-yard drive that didn't need to be. Interception! Smith high-steps it back for a touchdown. Wait, what? He may have been down by contact? Yeah, looks like it. Still Raiders ball. Looks like Irvin tipped the ball just as Prescott threw it. Field goal is good and we're tied. COWBOYS FAKE PUNT. Dude has wheels. More Prescott runs. And he finishes it off with a touchdown. Another big return by Patterson is saved when his fumble at the end goes out of bounds. Roberts with a juggling catch. Cowboys challenge this for some reason, but you never know anymore. Call stands. Touchdown Crabtree and we're tied again. Raiders challenge a spot... and win? Cowboys go for it on 4th and 1 from their own 40. Chains are out, and they're huddled around it.


My God, that's close. First down! Al and Cris are stunned. "I've never seen this." Dez with a really good leaping catch. Al: "High tech is now dead, is it not?" Morris is denied at the goal line... twice. Gotta kick this, right? Bailey's out. Good. That's an obvious DPI on Jourdan Lewis, and the Raiders pull out a do-or-die 4th and 10. Collinsworth suggests that Crabtree wasn't even trying to make the catch as much as draw the foul. Carr scrambles... and fumbles out of the end zone. It's a terrible rule — because the defense wouldn't get a fumble if it went out of bounds in the field of play — but it's a touchback. 


crosses off Raiders (Cowboys 20, Raiders 17)


RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Philadelphia (12-2) — Foles passes the first test
2. New England (11-3) — So. Much. Good. Fortune.
3. Pittsburgh (11-3) — Will they ever beat the Patriots again?
4. (tie) Minnesota (10-4) — Of COURSE Bridgewater would recover from a year-plus injury before Sam Bradford would
4. (tie) Jacksonville (10-4) — Seriously, this is amazing

BOTTOM 4:
29. Chicago (4-10) — When's the last time John Fox was a good head coach?
30. Indianapolis (3-11) — Even Luck couldn't protect the sins of this roster
31. N.Y. Giants (2-12) — Unexpected chaos
32. Cleveland (0-14) — This is happening, isn't it?

Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)