Monday, February 19, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 14: Coming In Waves

That... was not a good sequence, Matt Ryan. And yet somehow he's going to bring the Falcons back. It just feels like it. There it is. Matt Bryant from 52 because of course. Deion Jones AGAIN! Dude just seems to live to make big plays against the Saints. Still, Brees probably could have waited on that one. (Falcons 20, Saints 17)

Signal Finder: MIN @ CAR, DAL @ NYG, GB @ CLE (end), PHI @ LAR

Interception? Neither side does this. Strange. Panthers stack their line heavily to the right. Touchdown Stewart! The whole O-line was to the right of the center and the Panthers just blew the Vikings up. That's a nice throw by Keenum to Rudolph for the touchdown. McCaffrey fighting for yards after a pitch and earns a first down. Stewart bulldozes through the Vikings' defense this time, twice, finishing in the end zone the second time. That Walter Payton Man of the Year uniform patch is exceptionally cool. There's also a helmet sticker for this year's nominees. Vikings almost gave away that punt. Olsen limping off yet again. Hmmm. Is Keenum down here? This is a booth review. They're gonna say he's down, so it's a sack. And his knee is down before he throws it, so yeah. Keenum then runs for about 14 on 2nd and 16. Laquon Treadwell with a critical catch, then he draws a pass interference penalty to get 1st and goal. Thielen's gotta catch that. Next play Mike Adams tips the pass away from Rudolph. Third time's the charm as Thielen jumps and hauls it in. He did juggle it but it never hits the ground. See, in a normal society, that's a touchdown. Overturned. Such bullshit. Vikings settle for three. How did Funchess get so open? Touchdown Panthers. Wait, what? They're saying Keenum fumbled that? Oh. Ohhh. That's closer than I thought it was. Panthers ball! Gano cashes in. Big-time sack by Peppers, who's 37 — also, the Vikings' line just collapsed. It's 4th and 9 and the Vikings may be stuck here. They punt. Ladies and gentlemen, Cam Newton. Stewart goes airborne! Touchdown? Touchdown!

That ball broke the plane before it was knocked out. Nantz recalling that Stewart did the same thing in Super Bowl 50, which he called. (Panthers 31, Vikings 24)

Tyrod's hurt. Also, this game is apparently being played on Hoth.



Gotta slide there, Peterman. I'm surprised it didn't just happen automatically in these conditions. Joe Webb in at quarterback. I mean, this is what we're dealing with:

Touchdown Colts! Go for two; dear Lord. Got it! WHAT?? The Colts just got robbed. You literally can't have pass interference on a 2-yard pass! SO now they have to kick it in this absolute mess. It's GOOD! PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Now Viniatieri's got another chance. HOOKS IT LEFT. OVERTIME. Are... are the Bills punting? On 4th and 1 in Colts territory in overtime? They're PUNTING? My God. They were fortunate to get that stop. 10 on the Bills was falling down and twisted around and still caught that. How can they see the flags in all of this snow? Hauschka out? Nope. McCoy! TOUCHDOWN BILLS! (Bills 13, Colts 7, OT)

ELI BACK. Also, the Giants fired Ben McAdoo last week, which is so out of character for that franchise that I'm wondering if they've been taken over by pod people. Giants out here with three offensive linemen, just on purpose this time. HEYO. Oh, he missed. Can't miss that. Giants DRIVING. Why call a draw on 3rd and 14? You're 2-10, for God's sake. Field goal is good after a penalty and it's 3-3. Whoa, nice stretch by James Hanna (backup TE) for a big play on first down. Bailey CLANGS off the post and it's no good! Cowboys straight up forget to cover Evan Engram. Is this a touchdown? Oh, OK, Davis just explained that Ellison wasn't touched, so he can roll into the end zone. Dez makes a catch against tight coverage, shakes off the defender, and strolls into the end zone. Tied at 10 at halftime. I mean, JPP may be washed, but you still should block him just on principle. Bailey misses AGAIN! What is happening? This is the third time that the announces have mentioned that Jason Witten warned them that the Giants would be extra inspired today in the aftermath of the firings. Apparently inspiration is finite, because Cole Beasley just lit them up for 54 yards. Touchdown Witten. Again, who is Rod Smith? That really got out of hand fast.


(Cowboys 30, Giants 10)

The Packers tie it, because these are the Cleveland Browns and losing this game is a fireable offense. Second straight overtime game for the Packers. Kizer... I have no idea what the hell that was. He panicked and threw up a horrible interception. Hundley finds Adams to convert a third down. Adams takes a pitch... and scores! (Packers 27, Browns 21, OT)

This is legitimately the biggest win for the Jaguars in, what, eight years? Too bad it was ruined by all that bullshit at the end. (Jaguars 30, Seahawks 24)

Who had this game being important before the season? YOU LIE. Sky is surprisingly clear. Look, this Goff-Wentz thing isn't going away. That's a pick? Geez. Yeah, clean catch after Agholor couldn't catch it. Gurley gets free for 30, then scores on the next play.


Clement breaks off a good gain on a well-blocked screen. Celek gets interfered with in the end zone, so it's first and goal. (No Ertz today.) Blount stuffed. False start cancels out a successful Wentz sneak.  Touchdown Celek. Flying V! Crowd not quite as pro-Eagles as it was for the Chargers game, but it's still pretty loud. Aikman just called them "San Diego." That's gonna be a thing for a few years, I suspect. That's a big DPI on Jeffery. Hollins drops a touchdown as the defender falls down. It's Webster, who got the interception on the first drive. Looks like he grabbed his Achilles. Cart's out. Wentz fires one into a covered Burton for a touchdown. Some expert spying on Goff by Patrick Robinson. Wentz looks like your classic immobile pocket passer and then he does stuff like that, scrambling around and making moves to find Jeffery. Ajayi with a trademark big run. Eagles go for it on 4th and 1 and Wentz... throws to Agholor for 18. He's picked up his game since pitching away the interception. Burton with another touchdown catch. That's three to the tight ends without Ertz. Bradley Cooper in the house! This defense is GOOD. And the Eagles are doing this with relative ease. Cooper Kupp with two nice moves to turn a short pass into a 64-yard gain. Bad throw by Goff and Bradham almost intercepts it. He had a man behind the defense but the throw wasn't high enough. Kupp reaches around the pylon and through Mills for the score. Cox folds everything up. Defenses starting to hold on here. Never challenge spots, but I'd challenge this one. This isn't even close. Flag is out.
Rams must now punt. Don't understand that delayed handoff call. Torrey Smith with the bailout, and Wentz's arm may have been hit on that pass. Eagles are over 300 yards of offense, but Wentz's protection falls apart and they'll have to kick. Good. 24-14 at halftime. Rams getting the drive they needed right now. Kupp again. Slant to Watkins for the touchdown. BLOCKED PUNT. TOUCHDOWN RAMS. You couldn't think this was going to be easy. That's what's known as a costly pass interference penalty. Wentz scramble for a touchdown is called back by holding. Touchdown Jeffrey! Eagles get the lead back. Wait, what? Knee injury? That sounds bad. And Erin saying that the support staff were shaking their heads REALLY sounds bad. The Eagles have time to run the ball more on this dive than they have been. Lot of penalties here. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. That's ex-Ram Chris Long with the forced fumble. This is... better? Not really. More penalties. Elliott from 54 is good — but the Rams get flagged for leverage, which is 15 yards and an automatic first down. Some strangeness later, Elliott hits from 33 and the Eagles regain the lead.
Gurley gets stuffed. Not sure about this decision to punt. 2:02 left after the punt, which is important. Eagles run the ball and Ajayi stays inbounds. Agholor with a big catch there. He hasn't scored but he's had a big game since the interception. Ajayi ALMOST fumbles at the worst possible time, but hangs on and stays inbounds. They still have to punt. Honestly, these might be the two best punters in the league. Rams try the multiple handoffs and Brandon Graham ends up with it and scores.
Division champs! Now... we wait. (Eagles 43, Rams 35)

This highlight package right here is the reason this game wasn't flexed out. (That, and Fox's slate was horrible. They protected Eagles-Rams like it was a cancer cure.) I'm just waiting for the Ravens to realize that Alex Collins is their best back and should be getting 20 touches. Danny Woodhead's back? I thought he blew his knee up again. What the hell was that throw, Flacco? Maclin was doubled and he underthrew it, leading to a pick. Offsetting penalties after the play, so it's still Steelers ball. Suggs actually shouted out Arizona State for the first time I can remember. The power of Herman Edwards! Bell with the touchdown catch. I don't need him scoring touchdowns. (It's a fantasy thing.)
Brown with a nice catch on the sideline. Brandon Carr stays getting roasted. Then he holds Brown on the next play and gets away with it. The other guy, however, does not. Touchdown Bell. Chris Moore (?) scores. Who is Chris Moore? Collins! Touchdown! They took my advice! Wait, what? The refs just said they wanted to review the Rogers catch (Why? It was clean) after the next play went off. What's going on? So, nothing then? Boswell field goal is good and the Steelers also decline a penalty. 20-14 at halftime. Collins does Irish step dancing? What? Somehow the Steelers let Mike Wallace get open. Wind indicator? Not sure I've seen that before. Justin Tucker laughs at your crosswinds, Heinz Field. Collins with another big run. Not sure they'd have won a challenge there, Cris. Allen takes it in and the Ravens are suddenly ahead. This playoff discussion just pointed out that we're in a world where the Jaguars having a first-round bye is in play. Another big run by Collins, then the Steelers get hit with a personal foul. Flacco almost threw another God-awful interception but Wallace bailed him out. I wouldn't have called that on Burns. Touchdown by the fullback! Nearly pitching that kickoff isn't going to make Bryant any friends. Collinsworth notes that the Bengals looked terrible today after last week's street fight. Ravens rookie Marlon Humphrey is Bobby Humphrey's son, which I suspect I heard at one point but forgot. Crowd is all over the refs for that unsportsmanlike call on Brown, and I think I agree with them. Ben incomplete to Bell in the end zone and both teams want a flag. Neither gets one, and probably neither should get one. Cris agrees. Boswell's kick is good. Facts are facts: the Steelers are really missing Shazier tonight.


Brown! Some great open-field running on that one after Ben changed the protection at the line. Brandon Carr is getting used and abused. FULLBACK TOUCHDOWN. Steelers go for two and there's DPI. Second try is... NO GOOD. 31-29. Steelers definitely not getting any home cooking from the officials tonight. Allen scores. 38-29 Ravens.
These Bell touchdowns are killing me. That's an excellent punt by Koch after a bad Ravens offensive series with two incomplete passes that took about 40 seconds. Steelers facing a 3rd and 13 and Road Dogg converts. I mean, if they're gonna keep Carr on Brown, I'm going to Brown every time. The Steelers have won three straight games on a last-second field goal? Is that a record? Ravens get pressure to save themselves. Boswell in and it's good with 42 seconds left. Roethlisberger's thrown for 506. 506!!! This Maclin injury just cost the Ravens their last time out. Maclin's... out of bounds here. Flacco gets run down by T.J. Watt and fumbles out of bounds. What? They ran the clock and the game's over? Wow.
(Steelers 39, Ravens 38)

I mean, at this point, we pretty much know Tom Brady's never buying a second home in South Florida, right? (Dolphins 27, Patriots 20)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Philadelphia (11-2) — ...So now what?
2. Pittsburgh (11-2) — This last-second victory thing is becoming a habit
3. New England (10-3) — That was... something
4. (tie) Minnesota (9-4) — All streaks end
4. (tie) Jacksonville (9-4) — They beat WHO?

BOTTOM 4:
29. Chicago (4-9) — Best Trubisky to date
30. Indianapolis (3-10) — Weather as a metaphor
31. N.Y. Giants (2-11) — Well, that didn't last
32. Cleveland (0-13) — Sure blew THAT one

Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)