Thursday, December 28, 2017

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: Standing Eight-Count

Loath as I am to agree with Richie Incognito on anything, these Thursday Night games are often bad and players have less recovery time, resulting in them maybe being too careful, opening themselves up to more possible injuries. What kind of ratings are these trash fires pulling, anyway? (Jets 34, Bills 21)

Signal Finder: DEN@ PHI, WSH @ SEA, KC @ DAL



Aqib Talib's a very good player. He got straight up fooled on that Jeffrey touchdown. Celek with a catch! That doesn't happen much anymore. (Also, no Ertz after all.) Elliott's kick is good. 10-3. Interception! Patrick Robinson's been really good since around Week 4.
Touchdown Clement! He chipped Von Miller and left, which is risky, but it worked. Also, good block by someone to spring him at about the 9 or so.
Good job, Brock. Right into triple coverage. You're lucky you've still got the ball. Ajayi in the house. Whoa. Broncos punt return. Is this a catch? I'd have challenged that. McManus barely makes it. He's had a tough year. After a drop, Jeffrey reaches up through a hold and hauls in a third-down pass. What is THIS mess now? Grounding? Maybe? So there's a delay of game, too. Oh, it IS Roughing the Passer. Burton! Did he break the plane? Pretty sure he did. Touchdown! Good throw by Osweiler and catch by Sanders. Solid hold by the Eagles' defense.


Welcome to Philly, Jay. Though he probably didn't need to change his angle. Call stands. Touchdown. 31-9.
You know what name I haven't heard the announcers say all game? Von Miller. Wait, how'd they get the ball back so fast? Are they gonna score again? No. 31-9 Eagles at halftime. My goodness. 
OPTIONS. Another pick from Osweiler. That was a punt. My God. McLeod with a casual 45-yard stroll of a return. Touchdown Jeffrey. 44-3. What.


And to this point: This is Joseph's first year. NONE of these guys are his guy. Bradham with a sack. Thomas picks up a 4th and 7 to force first and goal. Jamaal Charles gets nothing. That touchdown by Thomas breaks a 13-game personal drought for him (!). Foles in at QB. He'd be the Broncos' best guy. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. 44-23 now. Bomb to Agholor, who the refs rule outfought Chris Harris for it. Broncos challenge for no real reason. Three touchdowns for Corey Clement. "Fiftyburger?"
Smallwood's fist carry comes with less than three minutes left and goes for 28 yards. He may not have been active if Ertz was available. Why are you calling time out, Broncos? Haven't you suffered enough? (Eagles 51, Broncos 23)

Are... are the Saints good again?


This, too. (Saints 30, Buccaneers 3)

With DRC and now Jenkins suspended, the Giants have no cornerbacks, either.


And it was a SCREEN PASS. The Giants are Actually Bad.
I said when they let Coughlin go two years ago that that was the time to clean house. It looks like I was right. (Rams 51, Giants 17)



No idea how Ramsey gets tossed, too. None whatsoever. (Jaguars 23, Bengals 7)

No Earl Thomas for the Seahawks. Rob Kelley returning the kickoff? Three Seahawks had a chance at that. Is that snow? Or just big raindrops? Partial block on the punt? Yep. Wilson drops the snap. Duane Brown already starting for the Seahawks. Wow it's loud. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. That's a bad job by Perine and the Seahawks recover the fumble. That's Washington's 10th this season. Dude's name is Nasir Jones? SAFETY. Blair Walsh sucks, man.


Seahawks defense flying around like it's possessed. Wilson makes a risky throw and it's intercepted by Kendall Fuller, who I'm not sure thought he had it at first. Ball never hits the ground. He should be down by contact, though. Vernon Davis has been in the league 12 years? Touchdown Kelley. Wilson's made some not-great throwing decisions this half. But some quick work there to spike the ball for a field goal try. Blair. Walsh. Again.

7-2 Nationals after five. Cousins with a dart to Ryan Grant, who extends nicely to haul it in. I'll point out now, even though it was brought up earlier, that Washington's entire left side of its offensive line is gone. THIS field goal is good. 10-2. This flag miiight get picked up. And it does — refs rule the hit on Wilson was inbounds. Washington also getting inside pressure on Wilson as this montage shows. Interception! And that was also caused by pressure on Wilson, who lobbed that right to Will Compton.
Another bad throw by Wilson. I agree with Davis: The Seahawks need to stop going for the big play. On cue, they throw short and get a first down. Touchdown. Seahawks go for two and it's intercepted. He COULD go. Swearinger laterals to Norman, who ends up lateraling back to him and this will end at the 25. 


Touchdown Baldwin! Are the Seahawks about to win this shitty game? Graham drops the two-point conversion. Replay shows Baldwin juked Josh Norman and then nobody else bothered to turn around. Freeney's a Seahawk now? THAT DOCTSON CATCH THOUGH. Looking at this as many times as we have, he's down at the 1. And the Seahawks are down two defensive tackles (Sheldon Richardson didn't even play today). Touchdown Kelley!
They called Wilson down there? Oh. So it wasn't an incompletion. Washington calls time out — to make sure they've got their guys ready, as Davis just said.
Here's how bad the Seahawks O-line still is: Wilson almost got sacked by a one-man rush. Hail Mary! NO. That was close. I'll tell you something for free, Skins fans: The pen was out. (Redskins 17, Seahawks 14)

That's a funky shot of the sun coming into Jerryworld. As if on cue, we get Brice Butler dropping a pass because he closed his hands early and didn't see it. Cowboys hit two big passes in a row and are inside the Chiefs' 10. Prescott then throws the next one away into the Rangers' stadium. THEN he almost gets tripped from behind and still walks into the end zone. That's a late hit. Romo thinks the Chiefs should sit on this, and I suspect after an amazing delay of game penalty, they just might. HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?!?! TOUCHDOWN CHIEFS. Fucking Scandrick gets toasted again. Hill ran right by him on what looked like a downfield screen.


Romo can't even right now. Damn, Tracy. How you gonna interview Garrett right after that? 14-10 Cowboys at the break. There's Kareem Hunt. Chiefs finish off the drive with a touchdown to Kelce.
Byron Jones having a rough last 20 minutes in real time. Was... was that a sack race? Touchdown Elliott after a solid drive. That's the first interception Alex Smith's thrown this year. The Chiefs may not get the ball back. (Cowboys 28, Chiefs 17)




Cutler back. Contain your excitement. Also, I had no idea this was the Sunday night game until, like, yesterday. Jared Cook already with two crucial catches. Dolphins go on offense and the announcers immediately reference Ajayi's departure. Al name-checks Burkhardt! Cena's theme used in a Camry commercial. Dolphins driving. Collinsworth noting that their center and tackles are far better in pass protection. Nice move and dive from Damian Williams for the touchdown. ONSIDE KICK! That's the call of a desperate man. I like it.
FUMBLE. Back to back flags. Maybe you weren't meant to get that promo off. The Raiders turned 1st and 25 into a first down. Touchdown! That's a great adjustment by Holton to go after that pass. It's never comfortable when Al and Cris especially talk about the peripheral stuff. Parkey field goal makes it 10-9. Raiders trying to make a late run here. This'll be from 53. Good. Wait, Julius Thomas is a Dolphin? Did I miss that or just forget it? Lynch! That wasn't Beast Mode but it's still a touchdown.


Drake with a big run. (Not THAT Drake.) Touchdown Landry and he does a little Michael Jackson afterwards. Carr fumbles, then an offensive lineman picks it up and HE fumbles, and it's Dolphins ball. Suh is being helped off. Big Williams run gets negated by a penalty. Drive stalls and Suh is back out with the Dolphins' defense. Cooper having a rough year with drops. Yeah, that hit the ground. 
The only thing Mack didn't get there was the actual sack. Weird schedule for the Dolphins: Pats twice in three weeks, then the Bills twice in the next three. Carr finds an open Roberts for 29 yards and they pick up another third down, and that's big with under 5 minutes left. (Also, usually it's the Raiders who would commit a 15-yard penalty on top of a big play like that.) Lynch slips through a hole for a touchdown and that should do it. Dolphins facing 4th and 9 with 3:06 left and they have to go for it. They get it, but a penalty wipes it out and they don't get it the second time. Super Bowl XXIII here was Collinsworth's last game? Huh. Also Elway won one here, as did Peyton. Interception? Interception! They're reviewing this Parker play. That's a catch, and a hell of one. Review says it's a catch. Touchdown Thomas! Gase isn't happy about having to call this time out, but you gotta get this right. Kenyon Drake bulls his way in for two. It's a three-point game! Onside kick time.


Collinsworth notes that the Raiders have already seen one, and is wondering what the Dolphins have cooked here. Time out Raiders AFTER figuring out what the Dolphins were doing. This one... won't work. (Raiders 27, Dolphins 24)

Let's just say this: If the Lions can't win in Lambeau tonight, it'll never happen again. Oh, they did it two years ago? What? Oh man. I take it back. Still, though. (Lions 30, Packers 17)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Philadelphia (8-1) — I still can't believe that happened
2. New England (6-2) — Same as it ever was...
3. Pittsburgh (6-2) — Where'd THEY come from?
4. New Orleans (6-2) — Seriously, are they?

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (2-6) — This isn't fun
30. N.Y. Giants (1-7) — An utter embarrassment
31. Cleveland (0-8) — Can't lose if you don't play
32. San Francisco (0-9) — WE WANT JIMMY


Posted by at No comments:

Saturday, December 16, 2017

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 8: Chaos Engines




Oh, Kiko. All of your worst plays are so soul-crushing. And when the Baltimore Ravens are accusing you of throwing a cheap shot... you threw a cheap shot. (Ravens 40, Dolphins 0)

Signal Finder: SF @ PHI, HOU @ SEA, CHI @ NO (end), DAL @ WSH

Big V at left tackle for Peters, while Johnson stays on the right side. The 49ers learned: Keep coming after Wentz. Elvis Dumervil lives?


Wentz is pressured and overthrows Jeffrey and the Eagles are forced to settle for three. Kick is good. 


Not the greatest punt. Eagles defense holds as it has all game. Why is Bedlam so early this year? 49ers have pinned the Eagles deep with punts twice now. Both defenses playing well. LIKE SO. Robinson with the hit to deflect the ball and McLeod picks it. The Roots with the Late Night With Jimmy Fallon theme song into break. Meanwhile, the 49ers are on their third right tackle. I'm pretty sure Charles Davis hasn't watched a second of "The Gifted." Something just went wrong in the truck for six seconds. Hollins 8 for 8 on targets this season? Sweet. Big pass interference call on 3rd and 15 sets up the Eagles at the 1. Is someone carrying their shoe? (It was Wisniewski.) Touchdown Ertz and Trout gets the ball.
Extra point is NO good. Not a great hold. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Beathard throws it right to Mills, who cuts across the field and eventually scores. Joe Staley down for the Niners. Eagles go for two and a wide-open Jeffrey cashes in.
Bradham may have gotten away with a late hit on Garcon, who crashed into some Eagles coaches or something. 
The Eagles' pass protection has been lacking today without Peters. Elliott good from 51. Raining harder now. Shovel pass gets the 49ers into the end zone. Big run by Clement. Then Jeffrey makes a strong catch on the sideline and powers through for the touchdown. THAT was quick. Reminded me of the Chip Kelly salad days. Niners driving. Cox dropped a pick after Hyde dropped the pass. Field goal is BLOCKED! Barnett playing big lately — two sacks last week and then that. So many rollouts. A better throw there and Ertz is still running. Blount does what Blount does — bulls his way for yards. Touchdown Blount. Another missed PAT.


That... may be a face mask? Beathard just throwing balls away now. Is it still a sad field goal if you have points already? Nick Foles sighting! (Eagles 33, 49ers 10)

And we arrive at this mistake-laden exhibition with Trubisky throwing a rookie-esque pick. On second look, that's on the receiver. And now there's a dustup. The Saints have won five in a row. And they've done it with defense, of all things. (Saints 20, Bears 12)



Fuller just blew up the Seahawks. Touchdown. He has nine catches and SIX touchdowns. Thomas bit on the play action and very few men in this league are recovering in time to run Fuller down. 
EARL'S REVENGE! 7-7 just like that.


Touchdown Miller.
Wilson scrambled and finds Richardson in the end zone. Watson with a nice scramble. Hopkins is straight-up beasting today. Touchdown Texans. That's a ridiculous concentration by McEvoy to catch that with a guy chasing him, a guy closing in on him, and a teammate way too close to him. Touchdown Richardson, and yet I believe a high-scoring game favors the Texans. Good traffic direction and patience by Watson gets him the first down on that run. Intercepted by Sherman. Clowney's having a GAME. I can't keep up. This is nuts. Thank God the Seahawks are slowing things down with chip-shot field goals that even Blair Walsh can't botch. Touchdown Miller!


Hopkins AGAIN. These two defenses have given up way too many big plays. Wait, did the Richardson touchdown not count? JIMMY GRAHAM LIVES. 


I need oxygen. (Seahawks 41, Texans 38)

Elliott coughs one up. Redskins in their bad burgundy uniforms with the copper numerals. Aikman suspects they'd be going for it with a healthy offensive line, which they don't have. Field goal is good. At no point did Terrence Williams consider turning upfield. Elliott walks into the end zone. He could have gone in backwards for all the resistance he faced. Crowder! Kelley denied the first time but not the second. Cowboys going for it on 4th and a long 1 near midfield, and you should if you've got that dude running the ball. Dez screen for a first down gets wiped out by a flag on Witten. This dude ain't Dan Bailey, that's for damn sure. Kerrigan on the sideline bike? Ah, a groin injury. We have two replacement kickers in this game, I'm realizing. 13-7 Washington. CLUTCH hold by Tress Way.


BLOCKED FIELD GOAL. Scandrick? Another touchdown for Elliott. 
Cousins coughs it up. Was that punched out from behind? Anyway it's Cowboys ball. "This dude" is Mike Nugent? I missed that the first time. And it looks like he's going to do the rest of the scoring in this game. Like, all of it.


And then he throws a pick-6. Nice work, everyone involved. (Cowboys 33, Redskins 19)

Dodgers 3, Steelers 3, Lions 3. That's a nice interception by Glover Quin, who's very good and not a lot of people know it. Well that went nowhere. Abdullah with a Barry Sanders-esque move.
Big-time catch by Marvin Jones Jr. And after a Lions field goal, Brown comes up with another great catch at the other end of the field. Touchdown Bell. Darius Slay almost made a spectacular interception. Like, it would have been better than Quin's. Brown then converts 3rd and 12 on the next play. Bell FUMBLES and the Steelers won't get points here. This is... a catch? Yeah, it's a catch. That's a good throw by Stafford down the sideline and now the Lions have a chance to go ahead here before halftime. That was a chance but the safety made a great play to break it up. Field goal is good and the Lions lead 12-10 at halftime. Rough hit on Road Dogg by Diggs, who gets flagged for it. Then a Brown touchdown gets called back. Then Diggs lights Brown UP on a third down. Steelers kick a field goal anyway to go ahead. Stafford gets away from T.J. Watt and runs for a first down. Lions go for it on 4th and goal from the 2... and get nothing as no one is open and Stafford gets taken down. Barry Sanders in the booth. Smith-Schuster finds a seam. He might go. HE'S GOING. 97 YARDS.


Kid's not even 21 yet. Lions come back with a good drive that stalls inside the Steelers' 5. Gun-shy, Caldwell sends out the field goal unit. Kick is good.
Tate fumbles and the Steelers recover. Someone lost track of Eric Ebron and he was wide open for big yardage. Oh, that's why they didn't run the ball earlier. Because it didn't work. Now they have to go for it, right? Fourth and 7, Stafford is pressured and throws incomplete. First down Steelers and this one's over. Somebody just got thrown out. (Steelers 20, Lions 15)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Philadelphia (7-1) — Well, we've already cleared the expectations bar
2. Kansas City (6-2) — Return to form
3. New England (6-2) — Same as it ever was...
4. Pittsburgh (6-2) — Where'd THEY come from?

BOTTOM 4:
29. Indianapolis (2-6) — Gut-wrenching
30. N.Y. Giants (1-6) — Can't lose if you don't play
31. Cleveland (0-8) — What are we doing any more?
32. San Francisco (0-8) — It's bad in person. But maybe not AS bad?

Posted by at No comments:

Thursday, December 7, 2017

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: The Low Road

This is the game that never ends... Oh, wait. You'd expect the Raiders to be the team to lose a game after committing two penalties on the final play. It's an insane world. (Raiders 31, Chiefs 30)

Signal Finder: CAR @ CHI, TEN@ CLE (end), DAL @ SF, CIN@ PIT



NOT ANYMORE. Johnny Bellefield: "When Cutler went down y'all celebrated like it was the end of Episode 6." Well, yes. (Dolphins 31, Jets 28)

Oh, they're in London. Because when I saw a Rams home game with a 1 p.m. start, I was like "There is no way in hell they're doing a 10 a.m. kickoff in L.A." (Because the Chargers are also home.)


Yeah... we may have seen the end of Carson Palmer. (Rams 33, Cardinals 0)

So much crossflexing. So. Much. The Kalil brothers! Carolina has a fullback? How do you just give Cam that much open field? Fumble on the pitch? Dude just dropped it. WOW! Touchdown Bears! Hey, the Bears offense is on the field finally. Who are their wide receivers these days? Oh, Kendall Wright? OK. That didn't go well. Third sack for the Bears already as the announcers talk about how the Panthers haven't run the ball well. Field goal is... not good. Replay shows it was slightly tipped. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Is that the same guy? It is! His name's Eddie Jackson. He just juked Cam and that's his second 75-yard touchdown in this game. They made it 76? Oh, OK. Also, Prince Amukamara is here, too. That third-down pass is off and the Panthers have to settle for a field goal. Trubisky DEEP to Cohen! First and goal. Jordan Howard bulldozing his way... to the 1. What's with the elevated goal line angle? That's not gonna show you anything. Yeah, he's short. Then he gets stuffed on 2nd down. Trubisky rolls out on 3rd and... makes it? I thought he dove too soon. AND HE DID. This shouldn't count and won't. No way Fox calls a fake here. Field goal is good.


Panthers need to pick up the pace. That's a good catch by Benjamin. Are they gonna get this ball spiked? Nope.


17-3 Bears at the half. This "Bird and the Beard" thing is getting old, guys. Fouts calls the OPI on Benjamin. Did Samuel stay inbounds there? He did! Good footwork, rook. So many penalties. 
Panthers short on time. And that interception by Trevathan may have just ended this game. Newton threw it right to him and I have no idea why. He's getting killed out there. I can't understate just how boring this second half has been.


Scratch that. Apparently I can. (Bears 17, Panthers 3)

Hot take: The Browns should have just kept Brock Osweiler. None of these kids are ready to be an NFL starting quarterback, and Osweiler could have been a sacrificial lamb while they sat and maybe learned something, if only what not to do. Poor Joe Thomas. How did the Giants not make a Godfather offer for him the last two seasons? We come in just as the Browns tie it with a 54-yard field goal. How was this kick not blocked? Deshone Kizer's been benched again, this time for Cody Kessler.



Mariota misfires on 3rd down and the Titans kick it away. Kessler kneels and the Browns will go to overtime. So that was... what? A quick kick on 4th down? Beats a 56-yarder, I guess? Browns get the ball back. Now it's Titans ball. They're in Browns territory again. Hue ices Succop as he misses, giving him another chance. That's such a Browns way to lose. (Titans 12, Browns 9, OT)


It's not common for us to get a 4 o'clock FOX game on a CBS doubleheader Sunday, especially when it's not the Eagles. Also, this matchup would normally anchor a FOX doubleheader, so it's triply weird. The 49ers are also bad. Touchdown Elliott, who got suspended and un-suspended again last week. C.J. Beathard is starting an NFL game. I saw this dude at Iowa and never thought I'd see this. He's former NFL GM Bobby Beathard's grandson, I believe. Terrible punt. Cowboys get a break when Prescott's grounding gets offset. Touchdown Elliott. Beathard running? Touchdown Witten. Wait, why is Jeff Heath —  a starting safety — kicking off? Also it's 20-3 instead of 21-3, so I'm wondering if something happened to Dan Bailey. Turnover. Cowboys ball with 36 seconds left and the 49ers lose a scoring chance. Good Lord. Elliott just outran the entire city of Santa Clara on that touchdown. Oh, Bailey is hurt. Heath's gonna kick the PAT? CLANG. It's GOOD. Another 49er injured. That's at least five. Prescott with the play-action draw for another touchdown. Troy points out that the guy (Eric Reid) spying Prescott was blocked, allowing him to walk into the end zone. And there's another turnover. Sick touchdown catch by Bryant. (Cowboys 40, 49ers 10)

It's the Bell and Brown show, just like old times. Touchdown Steelers as Brown beats that poor Bengals cornerback.


Green just activated his Inspector Gadget arms to pull that one in. The Bengals are challenging this backward pass ruling and it looks like they'll win it, getting 10 yards back. Nice run by Mixon. Dalton guns it to LaFell (!) for a touchdown. Touchdown Steelers as Juju Smith-Schuster sets the Bengals on fire. Bengals going for 4th and goal. Touchdown! Tight end was wide open and Dalton found him. That's a penalty. Was that catchable, though? Now Tomlin's saying he already called time out but he's not going to get it. Boswell on to kick, then. Good. 20-14 at the half. Joe Haden just pulled a pass off of Green's back for an interception. Another field goal follows. 26-14. That's the second straight Bengals drive to end with a pick. A FAKE PUNT. Wow. Somehow Burfict didn't kill anyone after that. (Steelers 29, Bengals 14)

Justin Timberlake got the Super Bowl halftime show, which should remind you that he somehow came out of the Janet Jackson thing unscathed. (And, indeed, that it's called "the Janet Jackson thing.") Foggy in Foxboro? Or smoke from pyro? ALWAYS COVER GRONK. Could've used that 12th guy on the last play, Falcons. Let's reset the first down markers. Belichick's all, "The fuck?" Gronk with a big catch in traffic — but it gets called back for offensive pass interference.
Fourth and 7 from midfield in the first quarter? Really, Falcons? Holy crap, Ryan had to bootleg out and he got the first down anyway! Kick is BLOCKED. "It's the same score at the end of the first quarter in the Super Bowl." Don't do this, Al. I like to think the State Farm commercial with the damaged truck is how Aaron Rodgers actually spent his summer.


Brady directs traffic and leads Robert Alford right to where his throw goes, but Brady got roughed, so it won't count. Brady just flipped that to Cooks, who gets behind Gronk and scores. Gronk with another clutch catch. Good defense in the end zone forces the Pats to kick a field goal. This appears to be the James White drive. And it ends with him in the end zone. This is fog. And it's a lot worse now than it was in the first half.
Falcons get the second-half kickoff. That Freeman run is their first big play tonight, I think. Two end zone overthrows for Ryan and it's fourth down. Bryant MISSES! Jeez.
Brady finds Hogan to get into the red zone. Field goal makes it 20-0. Collinsworth recaps that one drive in the Super Bowl that killed the Falcons. You can't overemphasize how terrible Ryan taking that sack was, but he points out that Freeman losing yards on the first down run caused that. More Freeman. Falcons going for it because, at this point, why not. DENIED. They lost five yards.

There's still nine minutes left? Jones ripped that right out of Butler's hands to bust up the shutout. That Belichick sign, though. Man, this was a bad day of games. (Patriots 23, Falcons 7)

Three. Straight. Touchdowns. It's nice to officially be better than the Redskins again. (Eagles 34, Redskins 24)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Philadelphia (6-1) — That's how you break a hold
2. Kansas City (5-2) — Or Groundhog Day, possibly
3. New England (5-2) — Same as it ever was...
4. New Orleans (5-2) — Hmmm...

BOTTOM 4:
29. Indianapolis (2-5) — Shut out by the Jaguars? Really?
30. N.Y. Giants (1-6) — And to think, they scored first this week
31. Cleveland (0-7) — Has anyone seen Brian Sipe? Anyone?
32. San Francisco (0-7) — Kind of embarrassing


Posted by at No comments:
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)